Original subtitles

[Crowley] Is this your plan, old boy?

Force me to watch you smack your lips together

like some sort of blond ape

until I tell you where I stashed the map to the Fountain of Imperium?

It won't work. I offered to be your partner once

and you locked me in a ruddy chest with that witch.

[Constantine] That's right.

Mmm…

Ugh! You filthy, uncouth scoundrel!

Now you're gonna tell me where the map is,

or I'm gonna desecrate your painting with my bodily fluids.

-Just get this lump off my face! -Okay.

I entrusted the map to a banker,

to hold on to until my eventual resurrection.

All right then, partner.

[smacks lips] What's this banker's name, eh?

[doorbell dings]

Noelle, I presume.

Constantine.

Aren't you going to invite me in?

You're a vampire.

It's best you come in then.

Where is Aleister?

Don't worry about him. From now on, you'll deal with me.

You have my two million pounds.

Two million quid?

[scoffs] Bloody hell.

How much interest have you been charging, Vampy?

[hissing]

All right, all right, calm down.

Don't get your knickers all in a knot.

See, I'm offering something far more valuable than dosh, love.

A favor.

What could you possibly do for me?

Spare your immortal life, for one.

One word and sunshine will turn you to ashes.

Clever.

Mmm. I'm John Constantine, love.

Clever doesn't even begin to describe me.

Now hand over what you were holding for Crowley

and you can be on your merry little way.

Go on, set it on the table.

Now that you've invited me in, mon cher,

I can come back any time I want.

[chuckles]

I have magical rooms powerful enough

to keep out worse than the likes of you, sweetheart.

Aleister's as well.

A little potion I procured for him.

One day, you might get a taste for it.

One day, you might be positively gagging for the stuff.

[door closes]

Crowley, you sneaky wank.

[theme music playing]

[Behrad] ♪ Lullaby and good night ♪

♪ With roses bedight ♪

♪ With lilies overspread ♪

♪ Is Gussie's wee bed ♪

♪ Lay thee down now and rest ♪

♪ Let thy slumber be blessed ♪

♪ Lay thee down now and rest ♪

♪ Let thy slumber be blessed ♪

-[dings] -[snores]

[Nate] Sleep tight, little buddy.

A superhero, a totem bearer and an alien named Gary

become singing mannies.

Did I just invent our spin-off?

Are you recording because Sara and Ava asked for constant updates?

[Zari clears throat]

They don't think we can survive one weekend without them, do they?

Listen, I just want them to look for their wedding venue

without dealing with these dummies.

[screeching]

[singing] ♪ Lullaby and… ♪

No more singing. I can't take it anymore.

That little snot's not crying because it's tired.

It's got growing pains.

He does not look any bigger.

[growls]

Well, he said that Gus' life cycle's only 38 rotations.

Uh, what does that mean?

Yeah, I can see where this is going, New Zari.

Well, technically, I'm the original Zari.

The OZ.

The one and only.

Yeah, I'm not translating for Gary just because he lost his glasses.

And I'm definitely not helping y'all parse Gus' every gurgle.

If I wanted to take care of a baby,

I would have stayed in Texas and married the first jerk I kissed.

Yeah, she's really got that new-girl-on-the-ship vibes.

Leeching human souls wasn't quite enough for you,

was it, Master Crowley? No, no, no, no.

-You were juicing. -What a crass term.

I was reaching for new mystical heights,

aided by a rare cocktail of blood.

You absolute tosspot.

You know as well as I do that magic this powerful,

it comes at a terrible, terrible price.

It's because of that potion that you have the map.

In 1939, I took a rather large dose and fell into a trance

where an extraterrestrial dictated the map to me.

Pity he didn't speak English.

I might have discovered where in the heavens

-the Fountain was hidden. -Yes, the heavens.

You see, that's where you were going wrong.

My alien mate, Gary,

he reckons that the Fountain of Imperium

is somewhere here on Earth, lost to history.

And this cut-out is the key.

Let's see.

It should fit exactly… Spain.

That's where the Fountain was in 1939.

Take me with you, John. We're partners now, right?

Skip it. I've got a new partner in mind.

You know, I have other skills besides being an alien telepath.

Couldn't literally anyone else help you

with Rory's brood pooch instead?

Please? It'll just take a second.

[Spooner grunts]

Okay, amazing. Um, I should warn you, though.

My dad hasn't really wrapped his head around the whole pregnancy thing.

[shattering]

[Mick] Men can't get pregnant.

Or didn't they teach you that at college?

Dad, a-year-and-a-half ago in my past, which is your future,

you ceased all contact.

Okay, if you really have Kayla's eggs in your skull,

then maybe they'll give a clue to what will happen.

Ever seen the movie Alien?

Yeah, I think we know what will happen.

Spooner, please,

just look at the protrusion.

Have a seat.

[grunts]

[groans]

Ay, dios mío.

Oh, oh, oh…

What sordid scene have I interrupted? Never mind. Don't care.

Spooner, join me for a shot and a chinwag?

Good luck with that.

Long story short, I have been stripped of my magic

in service of transforming you back from a fork, I might add.

What do you want me to translate, John?

A map to the Fountain of Imperium,

which, according to my research, is a wellspring of magic

gifted to humans by aliens long ago, and last seen in Spain.

Oh. This is… This is cool.

"Only those whom are worthy may drink from this Fountain."

It's typical prophecy malarkey. I need a location.

Well, this main star here is Albacete.

-Albacete? -Mm-hmm.

That's a city in the southeast of Spain.

[Constantine] Well, seeing as we're in Spain, February, 1939,

there's a few things you ought to understand.

Now, first and foremost, this country has just suffered

three years of a brutal and bloody civil war.

Civil war! When were you planning on telling me that?

I just did. And a class war is more like it.

You see, on one side you have the rich and the military

backed by Nazi Germany.

On the other side, you have the trade unions

and the democratically elected government of Spain.

And don't even get me started

on the devious little role of the Catholic Church.

I'm Catholic, John.

Yeah, well, then you'll understand my attitude towards priests

that sooner rather break bread with a bloody demon.

Okay, well, nothing on here says "Fountain."

-What about El Gato? -The cat?

No, no, no.

It's the code name for a leftist leader

that I've heard stories about.

Apparently, he survived seven assassination attempts

and one actual crucifixion.

So? Maybe he was lucky.

Lucky? Nobody's that lucky. That's magic.

My guess? El Gato drank from the Fountain.

Yeah, well, if you want to find a man,

why don't we just ask at the local watering hole?

Hmm.

[woman speaking in Spanish]

[in Spanish]

[man speaking in English] The bar is closed to outsiders,

especially fascist spies.

Are you taking the mickey?

Do I look like a bloody fascist?

[scoffs] You look like a German.

-He has a point. -No, he doesn't.

[Constantine clears throat]

I'll have you know that I served with the POUM militia at Jarama.

You were in the trenches of Jarama?

I was.

What did you grease your rifle with?

Oh, you mean the rusted antique that they supplied me with?

Had to grease it with olive oil.

Water was in such short supply that we had to shave with wine,

which is a bloody shame if you ask me but the worst part was the lice.

-Those evil buggers, they were as-- -As big as boils.

As boils, yes.

[laughs] Compadre.

Let us toast to our fallen brothers in arms.

-Yeah. -[man chuckles] Yeah.

Gideon said John and Spooner took the Jumpship to Spain.

So I thought, theme nights.

One slice of tortilla española for the señorita.

Are you sure you should be drinking?

Yeah. Why?

Hey, I, for one, think it's really cool that you're pregnant.

The next person that says "pregnant," I'm taking them with me

on a nose dive outside the emergency hatch.

Hmm, wow. Real mature, Dad.

So what's your plan?

Are you just gonna pretend this isn't happening?

That's exactly what I'm going to go to.

I'm going to pretend Kayla didn't do

this ear stuff to me without warning me first.

Well, you didn't give Mom a warning.

Nico and I didn't plan our baby, but we're dealing with it.

[footsteps approaching]

Oh, guys, Gussie is aging rapidly. He's like a teenager now.

-Okay. -No, no, no. Uh…

A hormonal giant teenager.

[loud screeching]

Come on. Vámonos.

Pregnant people stay! You're pregnant.

Amigos, the International Brigade has already left.

Why are you still here?

We heard of a man who continues to fight the fascist bastards.

He goes by the name of El Gato. They say he can't be killed.

I also have heard of this man.

El Gato. Very mysterious.

-Do you know his secret? -[man] Mañana. Mañana.

It's late. I have to turn in.

Oh, come on, mate.

Indulge me, yeah?

My cousin told me El Gato has drunk from a magical source.

What kind of source?

In the village over…

there's a donkey…

with great big, how do you say…

Udders.

Uh! Sí.

-Magical udders. -Oh…

The milk makes El Gato impervious to even a hail of bullets

-from the fascist scum. -Well…

To the donkey.

Salud!

-Adiós. Magical donkey? -Yeah, I don't know.

You don't hear a lot of crap like that these days, do you?

[chuckles] Agreed. And that man we were talking to,

-he was El Gato. -Undoubtedly.

He probably came down from the mountains to get some supplies.

Yeah. You clocked the old farmer?

Yeah. Looks like he was guarding something.

-Perhaps his exit. -The door to the cellar around back.

-And with the Fountain below. Yeah. -Mm-hmm.

Something alien is down here, all right.

And it's powerful.

[indistinct chatter]

Hey, hey, hey. It's all right.

It's okay. It's okay.

Ah, La torera.

-Yeah, yeah, it looks like you, love. -Very funny, John.

What's your name, lad?

[speaking Spanish]

[thinking] Fernando.

Fernando?

The alien power's coming from the kid.

He's mute, but I can hear what he's thinking.

He must have drunk from the Fountain.

[vehicle approaching]

-John. -[brakes screech]

-[car door closes] -[people speaking indistinctly]

[in Spanish]

[in English] Good evening.

My name is Capitán Noriega.

I have news from the front.

Madrid has fallen.

The Republic is done.

I've been sent not just by General Franco…

but by the great Herr Hitler himself…

to hunt down a man known as El Gato.

You see, this man has drunk

from an occult relic of immense interest to Herr Hitler,

the Fountain of Imperium.

Sounds like Herr Hitler believes in fairytales.

[scoffs] You could say my specialty is fairytales.

The Spear of Destiny.

The Loom of Fate.

I've studied them all.

Before the night is over, I will know El Gato's secrets.

Hmm…

I don't know where this El Gato is,

but I have a lead on a magical donkey.

Search him.

Line everyone up and shoot them, one by one, until he talks.

[woman speaking in Spanish]

[gun cocking]

I'm the one you're looking for, eh.

Spooner. Spooner, no. Bollocks.

Oh, I know exactly who you are…

[woman gasping]

El Gato.

Fernando.

[gasps]

[all gasping]

Gracias.

At last.

-Here is the key to the Fountain. -No.

Search the rest of the tavern. Arrest everyone.

[groaning and grunting]

Bollocks and bloody bollocks! Come on, Johnny, think.

Think, think, think. You can't leave her there.

[grunting]

[sighs]

[Nate] That's it, Gus. The gloves are coming off.

[Zari] Watch out!

[Gideon] Gus-Gus has continued to age at a rapid rate.

I'm afraid the Legends are quite outmatched.

[screeching and rumbling]

Should we do something?

They'll be fine.

[grunts]

[Lita] What is it?

[Mick] Nothing.

Is it your head?

-So? -So what if this is it?

What if Kayla's eggs burst out of that thing

on the back of your neck and kill you?

We need to get you to the MedBay now.

-Not gonna happen. -Why the hell not?

Because I deserve it.

What are you talking about?

[sighs]

Dad…

what are you talking about?

Kayla didn't disappear.

I left her on a planet full of lizard-people to die.

Oh…

Well, you must have had a reason, right?

[grunts softly]

To get back to you.

But in my line of work, there's a code,

you never leave your partner behind, and I did.

[Lita] Ooh!

I deserve everything that's coming my way.

Oh, Dad, I'm going into labor.

-What? -Yeah.

-[screaming and shouting] -[Spanish music playing]

[Spooner communicating in Spanish]

[Fernando communicating in Spanish]

[Spooner communicating in Spanish]

[footsteps approaching]

[in English] El Gato has become quite chatty.

He tells me you're his nephew.

Fernando.

It's your turn to talk.

He can't, he's mute.

[chuckles softly] We'll see about that.

Tell me the location of the Fountain,

or I slash her throat.

-Hmm? -[banging at door]

[door opens]

[Constantine] Buongiorno.

[in Italian accent] Ciao, señores.

I am Father Constantine and I have orders from the Vatican.

Mi scusi, mi scusi.

I have been sent by several senior cardinals of Roma

to track down an ancient and powerful relic.

The Fountain of Imperium?

You know of this relic?

Herr Hitler is also after the Fountain.

Eccellente.

Then we will work together.

I was just about to question the boy.

Please, Capitán, allow me.

Mick, what are you doing? You gotta get Lita back in there.

She's having a baby!

Oh, baby!

I need to get her to the MedBay.

-Tarazi siblings. -Activate.

[Mick grunting]

Come and get it!

[screeching]

[screeches]

Gus.

[screeching]

Blast again! Blast!

[Zari] Oh…

Gideon!

Okay. Dad, wait.

-I'm so sorry. -For what?

I'm not actually in labor.

I just needed to get us to the MedBay in case you were in labor.

But I might have misjudged a little bit.

So sorry.

You tricked me.

It's because she loves you, Mick.

-We all do. -No, debatable.

Everyone out.

We'll see you at the next doctor's appointment, okay?

Out.

[chanting in other language]

I'm conducting a sacred ceremony

creating a telepathic gateway between this child and this virgin.

Your methods are extraordinary.

Indeed. Grazie. Grazie.

Now…

where is the Fountain of Imperium?

[communicating in Spanish]

[Fernando communicating in Spanish]

[in English] One day, last year,

my mom left me with my uncle to go to the front.

That night, the planes came.

Suddenly, everything was burning and full of smoke and dust.

I'd never seen so much blood.

A bomb had exploded next to me.

So I ran as far and as fast as I could.

I hid in a cave.

and prayed for some way to save my uncle.

He was next to me when the bomb blew up.

A beautiful angel appeared

and told me to drink from the Fountain,

and that's when I felt it,

the power.

I returned to my uncle and healed his wounds.

Yes. Sì. Sì.

And he has been bringing his uncle back to life ever since.

Where is this cave?

Some water, per favore.

Forget the water, the cave.

But, Captain, I am a parched.

Grazie. Grazie.

And now, you can ask him…

[communicating in Spanish]

[Fernando communicating in Spanish]

[in English] I don't know.

I was lost for days.

[rumbling]

Unacceptable.

You know, there is one thing

that I never understood about fascists.

What is it that you see in Herr Hitler?

Is it that…

[in British accent] …he's a pissant with one ball?

[people shouting and screaming]

[groans]

[woman in Spanish]

[gunshot]

-[gunshot] -[groans]

Take Fernando.

Come on, let's go.

Spooner, let's move, the door.

[gun clicking]

[grunts]

-John, we have to go back. -What?

-Are you mental? Why? -The fascists will kill everyone.

You know what happened in the Spanish Civil War, right?

The moral side, it didn't win.

Now, get the boy to lead us to the cave.

Oh, come on, I know you were bloody lying, all right?

Yeah, well, I'm not helping you finish

your ridiculous, selfish quest.

Quest? This is real. My connection to magic is lost.

Boo-hoo! What's so bad about being normal?

You don't think that kid would give just about anything

to have a normal life again? I know I would.

Yeah, well, some people want picket fences and ponies, don't they?

Oh, yeah. And what do you want?

You want me to stay here and risk my life

so I can help you get your magic back?

Give me a reason.

You know where I'm from, being normal…

is being crushed by the boot of capitalism

and then blaming it on anyone with brown skin.

It's being told that only degenerates can fancy men.

And women, it's your old man coming home drunk every night

and beating you to a pulp

because that's what his old man done to him.

But magic, Spooner,

the ability to break the rules,

to stick it to the rich and the powerful,

that's who I am.

And I'm nothing without it, Spooner. I'm nothing.

[mumbles]

[sighs]

I can't believe I'm saying this.

All right, John.

You win.

[Spooner speaking in Spanish]

The Fountain's dried up.

[Fernando speaking Spanish]

[in English] He said that's where the water came from

that the angel gave him.

This is just a bunch of bloody rocks.

-Bollocks! -Ease up, John.

All right, all right, just…

Just give me a second, all right?

[Constantine sighs]

All right, all right.

Now, here's what we do.

Now, I told the Captain that I was forging a connection

between the two of you.

Now that connection is very, very real.

Now, you can use it to push Fernando's magic into me.

All you need is a clear intention.

Okay, wait. So you want me to help steal Fernando's magic?

What happens to him?

No, no, no. This is a way to protect Fernando, yeah?

It'll give him a normal life,

away from all the Nazis chasing him and the alien powers.

Don't pretend for an instant you care about Fernando.

Vete al diablo.

All right, okay, yes, I am the wankiest of all wankers,

but do me a favor while I go and check to see

that no one has followed us, you talk to Fernando.

He can give his magic to me or he can keep it.

Now, that's his choice, innit?

Hombres, mas rápido.

Rápido! Rápido!

[in English] They can't be far off.

-[Spooner] ¿Estás seguro? -[Fernando] Sí. Sí.

-[in English] Anyone? -No, No.

All clear.

Fernando wants to make a deal.

Smart play, kid. What's your price?

He gives you his powers, you use them to help find his mom.

She was supposed to return to the tavern.

I told him she's probably not gonna come back,

but he doesn't want to believe me.

-Done. -Okay…

John, I hope you thought this through.

The kid's made his choice. Sit down, yeah? Good boy.

Right, what do I do?

Now all you need to do is focus your alien connection on the boy,

and you focus quickly, yeah?

Yeah. I'm no wizard, John.

Oh, aren't you? So I haven't seen you stop a giant sand worm

-with your mind, have I? Exactly. -Mmm.

[grunts]

I can't.

Look…

magic, you know, is all about connection.

All right? Now I use words to focus my mind.

You know any quotes?

I mean, there's a stupid song stuck in my head.

Yeah, that will do. It's not about the words per se.

It's more about the intention.

Now, remember, you're giving this kid an opportunity

that you never had, the chance at a normal life.

All right, you can do this.

♪ Lullaby and good night ♪

♪ Red roses bedight ♪

♪ With lilies overspread ♪

♪ Is Gussie's wee bed ♪

♪ Lay thee down now and rest ♪

♪ May thy slumber be blessed ♪

♪ Lay thee down now and rest ♪

♪ May thy slumber be blessed ♪

Whoa, whoa! Where's it gone? Where's it gone? I can feel it.

I can feel it. It was right here.

It was right… You give it back, my bloody magic!

-Give me my magic. -Stop, John.

The prophecy. The prophecy said…

Only the worthy may drink from the Fountain.

[people speaking in Spanish]

You take the boy and hide.

What are you gonna do, John?

Only a bastard can vanquish a monster.

Go.

[people speaking in Spanish]

Bottoms up, Mr. Crowley.

[grunts]

Father Constantine.

Where is the Fountain?

I won't ask you again.

[distorted lullaby playing in Spanish]

Dios mío.

[people screaming]

[laughing maniacally]

[screams]

[Noriega groaning]

[groans]

[screaming]

[crackling]

[Spooner] John.

[Gideon] I'm relieved to announce Mr. Rory is not in labor.

Okay, so what about the pain in his head?

[Gideon] Perfectly normal, considering 48 Necrian eggs

are rattling around Mr. Rory's skull.

Forty-eight?

Tough little guppies, aren't they?

[Lita] Yeah, but they get that from you.

Their mom is gone.

I'm sure Kayla would be really happy to know

you're taking care of her babies.

-She would? -Yeah.

Because they need you to survive, just like I do.

Ah! I found my glasses.

And Sara and Ava are back.

What did we miss?

[Gary gasps]

Look at their itty bitty tentacles.

[gasps] Oh, Micky.

Are those…

Mine.

[grunting]

John, what happened back there?

I saw you drink something.

Yeah, it's just a nifty little trick

to stop a Nazi numpty from getting the better of us.

Don't worry, Texas, I won't be drinking it again.

Truth be told, it scared the living hell out of me.

Good. I mean, me, too.

Look, wait.

We don't know what we'll find in there.

Fernando.

[grunts]

Tío.

Thank you.

[thunder rumbling]

No, Spoons, listen.

We failed, all right?

Spain is not gonna be safe for Fernando, not for a long time.

And I was just as ineffectual as my dear old granddad

at fighting bloody fascism.

That's not true.

You killed a lot of Franco soldiers.

Yeah, I did.

And I bet at least one of them wasn't a bad bloke,

and, once again, my soul is damned.

Okay, you know, for someone who hates church,

you sound an awful lot like a Catholic.

[chuckles] What, just because I'm, like, full of guilt and self-loathing?

My mama used to say…

-Never mind. -No, no, no.

What about your mama? Tell me.

She used to say…

[in Spanish] Somos salvos solo por la fe.

[in English] We're saved by faith alone.

Ah…

It's funny. I've…

I've forgotten her face,

but I can still remember the sound of her voice.

We were both abducted and only I returned.

I should have been more like Fernando and refused to give up on her, but…

I lost faith.

Spoons…

you live on a Timeship.

It's never too late, love.

[snoring]

[Spooner] Listen.

The painting of Crowley's snoring.

-[laughs] -Shh…

[Spooner] Wakey, wakey, Crowley.

John.

To have magic back, Spooner, is worth it.

It's worth the risk.

Don't do it. I'll tell Zari.

No, you won't.

[chanting in other language]

You'll go upstairs and you'll sleep it off.

Tomorrow, you'll return to the Legends.

You'll tell them we were successful.

You'll tell them…

how I drank from the Fountain of Imperium.

Yes, John.

My stars.

I take it you didn't find the Fountain.

Are you, uh… Are you juicing, John? [chuckles]

-Joke's on you, dickweed. -[door opens]

Is that so?

Bonsoir, gentlemen.

You brought what I asked for?

You can take him. He's yours.

John, what have you done?

No. Please, John.

You don't know who she'll trade my soul to.

What a lucrative trade it will be.

Get him out of my sight, will you?

Until next time.

[Crowley] No!

Damn you, John.

Remember, all your trials and tribulations,

you only have yourself to blame.

[door slams]

[theme music playing]