Original subtitles

Order's name be praised.

A tragedy. One of our

monks fully murdered last night.

Brother, he was under your

care. Have you any idea what

happened?

Venerable habit. It's my

guess the intruders were Imperial

guards trying to intimidate us.

They want something from us. In that

case, why didn't they surround the

monastery?Why go to such trouble?

Brother!

You still recognize me then, Venerable

Abbott, do you?

Brother, be assured. I'm just as

concerned as you are about all things.

Ah, brothers have already passed on. We

cannot bring him back to life, can we, eh

Wootong.

Oh, I don't mean any harm.

There's only one way to get to the bottom

of this. We have to investigate it

thoroughly. You

took the words right out of my mouth. Can

I count on all of your support?Hey, you

hypocrite! I know what you're really

after. You want me to go away?Oh,

Buddha's name be praised. Will you calm

down?Don't be so silly.

I'm not silly. I know what you lot are

like. You don't want me here, huhWell, I

don't want you here either. I'd rather be

on my own, huh

Moses name be praised.

Light

the fire! Light the fire!

The holy flame. Holy flame. Fetch

the girl. Fetch the girl.

Supernatural powers.

Manifest

yourself. Ride by the

evil

spirit.

Holy spirits, lead us into the pastures

of the righteous. Bring down your

blessings. HuhShe really is possessed.

Hi! HmmHe's like a wild monkey.

Ohh

Bring down your blessings!Bring down your

blessings, try your spirit out of

her.

Save the woman's life. I'm nobody's

master. You must be joking.

Thank you for saving me. Oh, well, thanks

for saving me. Thanks for saving me.

Roll up, everybody. Here's the latest

medicine guaranteed to make the old feel

young and the young feel old. It's made

from the very finest herbs that you

can... Ohh I'm sorry,

I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I found

this person

on the bus. He's a thief.

Thank you.

You're welcome. Hey, are you all right?

They tried. All right, I know. I'll teach

you about getting friends with my girl

too. Tough guy, huhWhat's the idea?Be

sensible. Don't make trouble for

yourself. Sensible, and I'll hold it.

Sensible... No, you...

master! I gotta teach you a lesson... I'll

see yourself, do you?All right,

I'll show you. What's

this?All

right, come up here. Oh,

ow! Hey, champion!

So now you're leaving. Hey, starter. Ohh

You're the big shot. You want to hit me

as well?If you weren't a monk, I'd make

you pay for that. Oh. You're

going to make me pay, are you?

Hey.

Go ahead! I can take it! Glassford,

don't say I didn't warn you.

Hey! Is that all you've got?You're gonna

have to do better than

that! Praying Mentis!

Ohh

You're drunk now! Ohh Cheers! Hey!

You really shouldn't drink! I

have some more!

Got any laugh, my friend?You shouldn't

drink so much. Dragon style!

Look, friend, had enough?I'll see you

around. Let's go. Master, you're really

an expert. Mmm. Great kung-fu.

Master!

Master, some seats ahead. Let's sit down

for a while.

HuhMaster, ain't no one here.

I'm coming! Don't be in such a hurry! Huh

I'm coming! Uh,

Mr.

Hey, I'm the Madame, he's semi-chi, at

your service, sir. Whatever you want to

order. Uh, Master, let me sort him

out. Uh, we've never been to your

restaurant before, you've got the... Of

course!Just name it. We got lots of tea

leaves. We got soup and nuts. We even got

some water. All totally free. Whatever

you want. I'll have some noodles and some

tea, please. Oh, right. Coming up. Yeah,

please. Please have a seat. Make

yourselves comfortable. There you go. Sit

down, please. Where's the tea?Right.

Here's your tea. Coming up.

Hey, chicken. Hey, this isn't chicken.

Chicken! Right. HuhCome on, can't eat

chicken. Listen, this tea is

fantastic. It can cool you down when

you're hot, and warm you up if you're

not. Go on, try it. You'll like it.

Hey, he's fast.

Wow. Anything-- oh! Oh, that was clumsy

of me. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Won't happen

again.

Hold it. HuhHuhNot so fast. You can't

leave yet. Uh, well, sir, anything

special?Yes, I'd like to try something

else, but his purse seems to be-- Oh,

your purse?Oh.

Told you, you try to steal it from me.

Don't give me that. You're no better than

we are, a monk out on his own with a

golden toe. Watch your--

Get

him! Two against one, not bad.

Ow!

Ow! You're taking it seriously.

Ow! Let

me go at once. Let me go, you're gonna

die.

Don't you think it's all a bit boring, eh

And so you say... Maybe the two of

you. I'll take both of you on the buns.

Take a mug! Where?There! Oh, there's one

over there! Come

on! Ohh You go. Get him!

Come on. You get him! Okay.

Hey, are you enjoying yourself?Come on!

Get it! Come on

now! Get

it! Come on!

Come on Come

on Is that plate sharp or not, ehDo you

need any more convincing?Eh, well serve

ya. All right, have you had enough then?

Brother, what's Master up to?How should I

know?All right, now the first person to

touch the ground is the loser.

Understood, everybody?Yep. And if we

lose, we'll become your disciples. That's

a promise. Yeah. We'll be monks.

Right. It's a deal. Come on. Let's go.

ohh I can't hold on! Oh,

you can wait! Come faster this one! Help!

Oh, help me!

Help! Help

What's the matter?Can't you stand on your

feet, ehOh, I can't take it! No! Don't

let me go! Help! I can't--

Hey, did you

see that?You didn't mess around. with our

hands, right?That's right. Ohh We are

sincerely about that right. Come on.

How about it?10 drinks now?

I guess it's amongst life for us.

Hey, brother, can we eat any meat when we

become monks?You fools. We're not going

to be real monks where we're going. Hey,

what are you talking about?You'll find

out. HuhWhat's that?You want to have a

fight with me?HmmWhatever I do?Oh,

really?What's all that noise?There won't

be any of that stuff once we get there.

Oh.

Lana, you're a girl, so you're not

allowed. I'll come for you

after I've got them settled down.

Hey. HuhA car. Oh.

Hey.

Master. HuhYou've seen nothing yet, girl.

I can deal with anything life throws up.

Oh.

Oh, my God! Let's get it!

Ow! Ow!

Ow! Oh, my

head! Oh, my head!

Huh

Young man, you handle yourself well. What

is your name?I'm Colt Bullock. These

young hoodigans your students. Oh, I'm

not going to stop you from hitting them.

Would you like to study with me and

become a monk?Learn kung fu and be like

your other students. No, thanks.

Ohh All right. See you another time.

Let's go. Come.

Oh, hold it. You've got to pay for the

damage. Oh, sure.

Harder!

Pull harder! Harder!

Come on! Ohh Now that's unsatisfying.

Oh, if you want any more.

Then it's just too bad.

I'll be your student.

We're getting near the monastery. ohh

Now, Lana, you wait here for me. I'll

take this lot inside first. Master,

shouldn't I stay behind here?You're going

to let him marry her?What's the fuss?Why

don't you let her?Hey, stop it. You

shouldn't tease him. They're like brother

and sister. Oh, now you're being polite.

We'd best be going. Come on.

Hey, we're almost there. Look at that.

Hey, the monks will be waiting to see me.

Of course, you're allowed in. But your

friend's allowed in. I want to meet the

Abbot. He's engaged. He's in

meditation. He can tell me if it's

important. Oh, surely you can take in my

five students, ehBut his name be

praised. You know our regulations.

These can change. They cannot come in

here. Oh, that's no reason. You should at

least give them shout, huhThe Abbot was

quite clear. He told us

nobody else is allowed in. His

word is law. Oh, very well.

But I'm sure he's making a grave mistake.

Hmm, all right, all rightIf they refuse,

let's go. What a weekend. Come on, let's

go. Brother, where have you been?None of

your business. Come on. Let's go.

Hey, great news. We're

not staying in the temple. I can't say

that I really care. We'll just have to go

and build our own temple. What?You're

kidding. It's too big to build. We erect

5 main buildings first. Shouldn't be too

hard if you want to. What do you say?

Right. OK.

Come along, all of you. Now then, first

we build 3 halls and then five temples,

and then we'll abandon them. Come on,

I've got plans. Now,

you

see that?We'll build there. The

hall first. We'll rub it up in no time,

you'll see. Then the dining room,

followed by the kitchen.

ohh This is a bit too much like hard

work for me. Let's sing a song. It should

help to pass the time. Hey, you all know

the famous song. Lana, let's change

the words. It's more fun that way. All

right. OhhYou want to go first?Hmm

Sure. Listen.

This old man, he plays one. He plays

knick-knack on my ground with a

knick-knack paddywhack. Give a dog a

bone. This old man comes rolling home.

Oh, I know a game called Kung Fu, which

involves both me and you. But I always

will be true. Whatever happened to you,

too?I'll be good, too. And I'll see

you. And I'll sing for you. What

lousy singers. Ohh

Too bad they rejected us. Now we'll

build our own tempo. It's much nicer

on our own. We don't have any strangers

here. We'll make it a nice home.

You and Phil out of place. It doesn't

matter where the monks do their

meditation if they are in turn. Tick,

tick, color through tick and tick.

Comrade ships worth more than gold. All

right, everybody, come over! Come on,

everybody!

Ohh Over there?That's a good you. Oh.

Well decorated. Good ventilation.

Fresh air at all times. Yes. Yeah, keeps

you healthy. Nice and cool, eh

oh

oh

One monk meditated for nine years. He

even cut off his eyelids so he wouldn't

doze off. After all, you cannot

cheat the Lord Buddha.

Would his name be praised?Now

let his name be. Ready to spring like a

tiger!

Ohh

Crab job! HuhFood! Hey! Food!

Food! Hey, Sunny!

OK.

Master, food! Ohh

Master! Not so fast, the rice

not ready. Good for nothing, you're lazy.

Hey, you don't practice, but you're fast

enough after the food. Out! Practice!

You've got a long way to go yet. You're

not nearly strong enough. You've got to

build up your strength. How long

must I carry out?At

least until you can beat the wooden

statues, huhNot until then.

That isn't fair. The wooden targets hit

down.

They're no good for attacking. I need

something more alive to practice on.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,

oh, ohWell, I'm still moving.

Somebody, is this moving?Is it

alive, ehOr

is it dead?

Come on!

Come on, get up!

Ohh Master! Uh, it's too

late!

You have to practice harder. Don't be

half baked. You must put your heart into

it, or you'll never practice kung fu. And

what's more, build up your strength.

Without it, you'll fail!Practice

every day!

Faster!

Come on! Come on Ohh Master!

Master! I... Run!

Faster!

Faster!

Ohh Master! Come

on! Faster!

Master, you're great!Hey, hey, it's not a

joke. Let's see you do it.

Ah It's simple.

Ohh Hey,

would you like to learn?No. Just

strengthen your arms by swinging through

the loops and keep practicing. Now, come

on, I'll show you how to do it. If you're

ready. Oh, yes. All right, follow me.

Come on, then. You know what you mustyou

do, huhYes, practice.

Ohh

Practice! Master, will it take three

years?Oh, you can do it, boy, but

train the mind as well as the body. You

need more self-control if you are to

succeed. You can't afford to slack. But

where do I begin?Oh, you watch me, eh

Hey.

HeyOh, Master, you're

fantastic. That was amazing.

What?How was that, huh

Ohh

You thought it was going to be easy, eh

What am I supposed to do?You must wear

the lead vest.

Jump backwards.

Where's your sword?Sword.

You must think like an animal. In this

world, to be a top fighter, you must

survive without a sword, huhUh, Master,

what should I do?

Ha! As sticky as your basic...

First you get the steps...

Now you try it! Oh,

Master, it's too easy!

ohh Higher,

harder, higher. And that's

right to the bell. Go on. Not

again.

Again. Again.

Higher, harder.

Hey, use this! It's smaller and lighter.

It'll be much easier. Come on!

Hurry up!

Hey, you look a bit of all right. Let's

go see her. Come on, let's go.

Hey, what are you doing?They're

dumping their shitChamorro,

come over here. What's

wrong, Lana?You saw them up. What

did they do to you?They dumped their shit

in front of me. It's awful. Ohh

Hey, friends, do you know where you

are right now?Who do they think they

are?Look.

You're on holy ground. Ohh

Come, Muffet. You're a phony monk.

We're not phony monks just because we

don't shave our heads. But you'll find

out. We're even stronger than you are.

So watch it, buster.

Hey,

where do you think you're going, huh

Nice going. You should practice more. How

terrible to get so beaten up.

Master, take a look at the others. I'm

only bruised and-- Shut up. You good

for nothing. How dare you to call

yourself students of mine. Huh You

deserve to be beaten. You're no good.

Master, it was all my fault. I--

Leave me. You can practice on

your own tonight.

Are you ready?Touch,

sight, smell,

hearing, and taste.

Now all your sensory pathways have been

blocked. Your contact with

life is lessening. Return to the

monastery, just as you were ordered to.

Huh And remain as you are. Don't try to

interfere.

Go!

This will teach him. This will reduce him

to ashes.

HuhHuhHuhHeat!

No! No No

No Oh, Master! So you want to set fire to

my house, huhI'll teach you two a lesson,

then you won't forget in a hurry!

oh

Hey!

Master, help me! Ohh

Dummies.

I told you to work harder. On your knees,

you idiots. You keep breaking my rules.

I'm ashamed of you. You call yourselves

My students, first thing is to show

you a little bit of money. Ohh

Master! Master!

Well, Matthew, I won't miss him again. I

promise. Now face down. Ohh

You got a nothing shoe?

He doesn't give us enough food, you knowI

better be going back to being a

trickster. Yeah, I'll not.

No life at all. I'm gonna go

back home. I'm just saying I'm

gonna quit. Brother, really?

Uh-huhHey. Oh, all right, come on.

Let's get out of here quickly tonight.

While the master sleeps it off. All

right, right

Master, why didn't you stop them?I

suppose I could, but they've made-up,

didn't I?But we won't be together.

Umm I could make them come back if you

want me to. What do you say?

I didn't know he was so cruel. He can

really be unfair. Uh, he hit me so hard,

he nearly killed me back there. Hey, cut

it out. We're getting out of here, aren't

we?

Who's

out there?Show yourself. It's me. I

challenge you to too.

Get him.

ohh Are

you

ready?You must take him back with us.

Come on, right away.

Hey, I'm the one you want! Come and

get me!

Faster!

Faster!

Hey.

Medicine.

Right.

Hey. Poison. I've got it all out.

Jean, will you?Does it still hurt?Would

you like to get hurt?Of course it damn

well hurts. Ohh Right. Have a bowl of

soup. Let me feed you. Uh, good.

Ohh

ah

Lana! Master wants you.

Right. Give it to me. I'll feed myself.

Hey, give me some of that, huhCome on.

Uh So fast!

Linar. Brother.

Take it. My mother gave it to me.

You gave it to the girl I love.

Linar, you might as well do as he says.

Keep it. He's given it to you now, hasn't

he?Brother, I will marry you.

Oh, Lanar, how lovely.

Oh, great. Oh, yes. Oh,

I love you. Yes, isn't it?Look at

that. Ohh

Faster, I can't stand

it!

Ohh

Oh, no, it hurts faster! Ohh

Oh, very good, very good indeed. That was

very good.

Master, no way! Ohh

Master, I can't take any more!

Master, I can't do it anymore!

Oh, really?

Aha! My fifth!Hey, how about that?Oh,

how about that?Oh, hey!

Uh-ha! Master! Hey, come on!

Up, up! Hey, this isn't a game.

You must learn how to practice properly,

you know. Now, come on. But how can I

practice well?How else?Stand up!

Yeah, give me a punch. HuhPunch you?

Oh, I couldn't. Now, come on now. That's

an order. You sure?Mm.

Hey! Oh!

Oh! Oh!

Oh!

Now, that's the way you ought to be

packaging my boys.

Master!

Huh

How do you feel?

Master, how do you feel?

Master! Master! Master!

What are you barking about now?Master, I

made it! I did it!Really?Get down.

Ah Come

on, okay. Master, what is this

bamboo used for?Oh, you'll find out.

Shoot it up.

Wow, Master, you're terribly strong.

Master. Do you want me to walk on them?

Walk on them?Yeah! Yeah

Ohh I'm slipping! I

can't hold on! I'm

falling! Come on, Come on you said you

could beat anybody. Sure can. No

joke. Any weapon you choose.

I'll accept your challenge with delight.

What with?With this. Huh

HuhClimbing the poles?Ha ha. That's

easy. Watch this.

Ha ha. It's not so easy. You

do it then. Come on, let's see.

Not so fast, let's see if you can holdon.

I'll get my old back on you!

There are people at the gate. They must

have ambushed the monks. I tell the

Abbot. Yes. Come out here, you dumb

monks.

Mother's name be praised. What are you

people doing here?You stole a Kung Fu

manuscript. Give it back to me. What

manuscript?The secret text. We'll give

you three months to return it. If it's

not bad, we'll come and get it. Not so

fast. The manuscript used to be with us.

Hey! How's that?Ah Now watch

this!

May God's blessings be on you.

Buddha's name be praised.

Buddha's name be praised.

Buddha's name be praised. Buddha's name

be praised. Buddha's name be

praised. Buddha's name be praised.

Buddha's name be praised. Buddha's name

be praised. Buddha's name be praised.

They have us surrounded. We'll have

no escape. Relax, Abbott.

We are prepared. May Buddha

come to our raid. Buddha's name be

praised. Would his

name be prayed?Here. Ohh Thank you,

madam. Would his name be prayed?Here you

are, Reverend. Thank you.

Thank you. Would his name be prayed?Would

his name be prayed?Master. HuhNo more

left. Come early next time. But his name

be prayed. Pastor. There's half a chicken

here. Do you want it?Chicken.

I'm a vegetarian. Sure. It's for my

students.

How are you?Come to kill

you,

huh

Hello, Tim. How was that?

You're still alive after our fight

on Tishan Mountain.

That's right. Better say your prayers.

You're gonna die.

Lawton, you're a dead man.

what's the

matter?

Say your prayers, you're gonna die!

It started a long time ago with the man

Dan Mee. It was soon after the Qing

dynasty took over and we were helping the

troops weed out bandits along the border.

They were simple operations. I

thought we had got rid of them all, but

apparently there were still some traitors

around. Master, what happened next?

Later we were handsomely rewarded for our

efforts, but a man called Ma said we were

bandits as well. We were completely

outnumbered by the Qing troops. They had

us surrounded. Only five monks were

left alive. The rest died.

They were Ah Chai, Ah Fan, Ah

Hua, Ah Li, and

Ah Ma. These five

founded the Shaolin Monastery.

Recently, we've enjoyed great

tranquility. But that traitor

didn't rest. He wanted the Holy

Scripture himself. He practices black

magic. He's an evil man

who summons up demons to help him in his

schemes against his enemies.

Clearly, he still wants revenge on

the Shaolin.

So that's why I took you five in

to be my favorite students.

Dr. Holy book and the name of Shaolin.

Ah, the pagoda's high. Which room is the

scripture kept in?Usually, valuables are

kept near the roof. That makes sense.

Look, the monks.

Please hold me. I'll take care of it. All

right.

Oi! Stand up! It's a little bit late to

go by! Oh, go all that!Come on! Come

on

What a terrible death! Winner!

Winner!

Lada!

Lada!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lotatalioners, run out. Wait for

scripture. The Ebert is in

meditation. Shut up. Tell him to come out

here. Get him. Hold it. Take it out.

Read it out. Yes. If you want it, come

and get it. We'll keep it. We're waiting.

Give me that. Bastards

Get me that book.

What now, Ebert?I'll come back

for you. After I've got the book,

footers ain't be praised.

Listen to me. Give me the book,

and I swear I'll spare your lives. Now,

get down on your knees in homage, or

you're all dead men.

Ah,

not so easy, my friend, if you want to

join me on the rings.

Come on, up here!

Come on! Up here! What's giving

you?

Haven't you got anything better than that?

You'll find out sooner or later.

oh

Hey, you're going to be in for a big

surprise.

ohh I can't be here by my own. You gotta

help me! Help me! Are

you all right?Come on, together!

ohh

I'm sorry you're not wrestling me a fool.

I'm sorry.

Help me!

Help me! Do something, please!

Spread out!

I'll

play dead. That way I'll be safe.

HuhHuhWhat?You battered! You

killed him! I'll get even!

You tell. That

old fool, step out here. Get him.

Ohh

Huh

That's odd. He's got nothing

there.

No!

ohh

So you, are you all right?Are you okay?

I'm okay. But what about

the others?Where are they?They're

dead like you're gonna be.

Brother, I'm here other than

you.

Over here. I've got the book. Come and

get it.

Headmaster.

Don't

let him escape!

Get him!

Grab a paw. Right.

You're

not going anywhere, that's for sure.