Original subtitles

Finally, the moment everyone has been waiting for.

The final chapter to my 10-part series on Earth's mightiest hero, Captain Marvel.

Hulk smash.

This week, we're focusing on the battle of Earth.

Now we all know the story.

The Avengers were trying to save the world, but if we're being honest here,

they were losing, badly.

Alien ships invading, Thanos being a jerk about magical Stones.

Our heroes were done for.

Until...

Captain Marvel blasted in!

Now who was this glorious, well-coiffed hero?

Due to my extensive research and my diligent studying

of Scott Lang's podcast interviews,

who seems like a pretty cool guy.

I've learned a lot about Captain Marvel

and I know at least three things to be true.

One, she blasted through Thanos's fleet like a flaming angel.

And you know what? She looked good doing it.

Two, she, like, punched Thanos right in the face.

You're finished!

No offence to any of the other Avengers,

but I really don't think they could've done that.

And three, sometimes, someone can come out of nowhere and do something amazing.

I know some of you think, "Well, she abandoned the people of Earth."

But look, it's not true.

Obviously we don't know exactly what she's been up to.

But maybe she just needed a break, you know?

Can a woman just live, hmm?

Maybe we'll learn something new at AvengerCon this weekend.

I'm gonna be dressed as Captain Marvel. Obviously.

Anyway, that's all I got for this week.

Next week, I'm gonna kick off a special two-part series

on why I think Thor is secretly a gamer.

Remember, new episodes drop every Wednesday.

Be sure to like, comment and subscribe at Sloth Baby Productions.

- Kamala Khan. - Coming, Ammi.

Hurry up. You're going to be late for your driving test.

Aamir, if you don't stop praying long enough

to put some food in your mouth, one day you will starve to death.

May Allah forgive you one day.

Kamala, please don't forget to

look at the mirrors every 15 seconds at least.

Yes, yes, yes.

Oh, Kamala, my Kamala, the road is a long and winding one,

so never fully stop at stop signs.

Way too early for poetry, Abbu.

All right, listen.

You do know that you don't really have to look in the mirrors that often?

Yes, she does.

Listen, just make sure that the instructor can see you move your head, okay?

And remember to say Bismallah before you start the car.

You're gonna need all the help you can get.

Don't even have a license.

How about you start by turning the car on?

Pull out whenever you're ready.

Bismallah.

Bless you.

I don't think anyone saw.

That's my car.

You set her up to fail,

having her drive in the street with all the other cars.

I have taught her to drive myself.

Ma'am, because of your daughter, I'm walking home.

Oh, come on. Are you trying to tell me

she didn't look in the mirrors enough for you and your clipboard?

I wouldn't say that's the problem.

- Oh! - Then you'll also say that

you expected her to signal at every single turn?

Yeah.

- Choro ji. - Kamina kahika!

Give me my keys.

Okay, Kamala, come on. Chalo.

I'm so sorry that this family car, you know, that your father earned

with his very hard-earned money, it has seen a lot of trauma.

Hmm. I'm also sorry that you're not going to be able

to help me with all the things for your brother's wedding you said you would.

This is my fault. This is all my fault. These are my genetics.

I mean, I come from a long line of fantasizing, unrealistic daydreamers.

My mother was one.

Camelia, glad you're not bruising from that dodgeball incident.

Oh!

Why is she waving? That's weird.

Hey, guys.

I'm just gonna sneak in there and grab my chem text book.

We're in the middle of something. One sec.

I'll google the periodic table. Yeah.

Rough morning all around.

Had a bet you were gonna pass, so now I'm out 10 bucks.

I told my mom to stop texting you guys.

Plenty of people fail their driver's test. Instructors focus on the tiniest things.

I crashed my car into his car.

Oh. That's on you. Yeah. Uh...

- So I guess we're not going to AvengerCon. - No, no, no, Bruno.

A cosplay competition for Carol Danvers at the greatest fan event of the year.

My costume is near perfect, pending the final flourish.

Still trying to think of that flourish?

- It'll come to me any second now. - Sure it will.

I'm sorry. I really do love you.

Got any plans this weekend? As of this morning, Kamala and I are free.

No.

Are you inviting me to play Smash Bros?

- Because if so, I'm busy. - Don't hate the player, hate the game.

The thing is I do hate the game, though.

Really?

- Sorry, Zoe. - It's fine.

I like your jacket.

Thanks. I like your necklace.

Thanks.

It's actually my name in Arabic.

Okay, see you later.

Would it be super weird if we asked her for a ride to AvengerCon?

- Yes. - Why?

Her mom used to drive us to school all the time.

Because she is the absolute worst now that she has 100,000 followers.

80,000.

Kamala Khan, please come to my office ASAP.

You've done something very wrong. Just kidding. It is crazy that the

whole school can hear this.

No, nothing is wrong. I just wanna chat. Can't wait.

- PS, this is Mr. Wilson. - Thank you, Mr. Wilson.

Okay, first off, I just wanna say

I get it.

You get what?

I hear you've had a hectic couple weeks.

Very funny.

But your teachers, you know, they're telling me you're doodling all day,

staring off into space in your little fantasy land.

Hey. Oh... Really?

We truly started the meeting 30 seconds ago.

- You gotta be with me, girl. - Yeah. Sorry, Mr. Wilson.

No. Mr. Wilson was my father.

My name is Gabe. His name was also Gabe. So, doesn't super-work.

But let's talk about you. In junior year,

it's time to start really thinking about your future.

I mean, college admissions are coming up, before you know it, it's SATs,

it's essays, it's applications.

Do you volunteer? 'Cause college admissions eat that up.

I mean, of course, do it to help people too, but I mean...

It helps. It does help.

Oh, no. No, I'm not...

You know I'm not trying to scare you, right?

Do I have to figure out my whole future before lunch or is there, like...

I'm gonna give you a task. I want you to go home.

Not right now, but after school.

Then you're gonna look yourself in the mirror and ask yourself,

"Kamala, who is that girl I see staring straight back at me?"

- You're reciting lyrics from Mulan. - I am, I am.

You are.

Okay, Kamala, all I'm saying is right now, I see a girl divided.

"Is she there or is she there? Where's Kamala?"

Who knows? No one knows. I don't even know. I can't see. Where?

And I know. I know fantasy's fun, fantasy's really fun.

But right now, I need you to pull yourself together and join reality.

You know, the plan was perfect. I was gonna get my license.

Then under the cover of stupid wedding errands, we just have, like,

one pure, beautiful day of freedom at AvengerCon.

- Guess there's always next year. - No, there's no next year.

This is the first one ever. And then future historians,

they're gonna start writing about it, and where does it start? Here.

Okay? There's not gonna be another first AvengerCon ever again. Never.

- Switch to the back-up plan then. - You have a back-up plan?

What's... What's your back-up plan?

In concept, it is pretty easy.

But it's gonna take a lot of finesse and subtlety on your part.

And you just aren't...

- I can be subtle. - You can be subtle?

Okay. Listen, you enter your home, you sit down at the dinner table,

smile, and you ask your mom.

- You're an idiot. - I'm not. I'm actually a genius.

So, can we stop acting like your mom is Darth Vader?

Every single thing I love, she seems to hate.

And it's like she thinks I'm some kind of, you know, weirdo.

You are a weirdo. Whoa!

What?

If I'm weird, you're weirder.

I know. But more importantly, I've gotten weirdly good at airbrushing.

I put the rest of it together, but okay.

- So... - You think we'll win?

Please. We're going, we're conquering.

And we're high-fiving in slow motion.

Bruno, I still need to figure out my final flourish for my costume.

- Any ideas? - Okay.

How about steampunk Captain Marvel?

- Steampunk is dead. - Okay, fine.

How about a mashup? Like Captain Panther or Iron Marvel?

Ooh, Doctor Strange Marvel. I can, like, wear a cape.

- Capes are cool. - Even Asgardian.

You know, be like a badass Valkyrie, ride a horse.

I can't build you a horse, but otherwise...

You can build me sloth baby wings. That's very me.

Completely you. Wings, a little tiara.

- Playing here. - Captain Princess Marvel.

No princesses. I'm sorry. You know what's even better?

- What? - Zombie Captain Marvel.

I could be like, "I'll eat your brains. But I also have super powers."

Okay. Hey, let's never do that zombie impersonation again.

Hi, Kamala beta. How are you? Hmm? How was school?

Apparently I have four days to figure out my whole future, so that's...

Don't be so dramatic, Kamala.

What are you watching? Turn that off.

- Is this from Nani? - Must be things for the baat paaki.

Aamir. Aamir, come down here, please.

Why'd she also send all this junk?

I'd like to tell you that it's because she's growing old,

but she's always been this way.

She doesn't want to die before passing on all her junk to us.

Aamir, have you lost your ears?

This is so cool. Is this Nani's?

That is junk.

Aamir, here. Take this and put it in the attic right now,

and then unpack the groceries.

- Why can't Kamala do it? - She's going to help me with my errands.

- You know the ones for your wedding? - I am?

Yes, you are. Chalo. Let's go. Attic, and with me.

- Chalo, Kamala, let's go. - Don't mess up those errands.

Let's go. No time today.

Kamala.

- What's up, Najaf? - What's going on, Kamala?

- Amma ji, kaisi hain? - Bilkul.

Flying vultures in Armani suits

buying up the whole neighborhood.

Maybe we'll actually get a Halal Guys this time.

They charge you for extra sauce at Halal Guys.

You're too short.

She's not too short. This thing is too long.

Shakat, mere kapre taiyar hain?

Salaam alaikum, Muneeba ji.

Wa alaikum salaam.

- Wedding shopping, I see. - Mmm-hmm.

Did you hear about Fatima's engagement? Broken.

Oi, what happened?

She decided that she wasn't ready for commitment.

So now she's off gallivanting through Europe to "discover" herself.

What does she have to discover about herself?

Good for her.

I mean, she wanted to travel the world and she went for it. So that's cool.

She's trouble, this one.

Mmm-hmm.

She's going to discover that she doesn't have a ring on her finger.

And then I saw her.

She was getting very comfortable with some gora boy named Rob in Belgium.

- You're too short for that, Jaanu. - Yes, you really are too short for that.

- Handsome, huh? - Oh, yeah, Mr. K.

Okay. But what will this do?

So this is a security camera, okay? So you can see who's home from your phone.

- From my phone? - Oh, yeah, from your phone.

We're living in the future.

So, I made this myself. Okay? This is the Zuzu system.

It connects all your devices and I added some new features.

All you have to say is "Zuzu" and tell it what you want.

So... Zuzu, turn off the lights.

- And I programmed it to understand Urdu. - Urdu?

Yeah. Zuzu.

Batti kolo.

Waah!

- This is magic. - Yeah, it's pretty cool.

Cool? This is absolute magic.

- Hi, Bruno beta. - Hey.

Are you staying for dinner?

- No, no, I got some work. - Okay, I'll pack you something to go.

- No, no, I'm good. - No, no, of course I will.

- Hey. - How was it?

Don't mention Belgium or any guy named Rob.

Did you ask her about AvengerCon? Kamala, ask her. Just ask her.

Bruno, there's a spicy one at the bottom for Nonna.

- Okay? - Oh, my gosh.

How did you do that so fast?

You stick to the gizmos, beta. This is my secret.

Okay. I'll see you soon.

- See you soon. - Muneeba.

Haan? Bolo.

Ask her.

Zuzu, switch to sports channel.

So, Bruno has made this and he's connected all the devices to this Zuzu.

- Okay. - Watch this.

- Abbu. - Ah, defensive...

- Ammi. - Mmm?

So, there's this thing called AvengerCon.

You know, it's really something incredible.

It's never been done before. It's, like, the first fan event

celebrating our great heroes of our time and it's totally historic,

and it's, like, very educational. And Bruno is, um...

Bruno, he's, like, really into this stuff, you know, so he's...

He really wants to go and he asked me if I wanna tag along

so that, you know, he's not alone, because poor Bruno, right?

He doesn't have much of a family.

- Zuzu, TV rokna. - So you want to go to a party, at night?

- Is this a joke? - No.

Is Bruno recording this for Internet?

No. It's... I'm 16.

Look, I promise I won't do anything stupid.

- You do trust me, right? - No. I don't trust you.

- Of course she does. - No, I don't.

She does. We do. It's just that we don't trust anyone else.

You're still young and there are so many strange people roaming around at night.

Or strange boys.

Thinking God knows know what and drinking God knows what.

It's not a party, it's a convention.

And what exactly will you be doing there?

There's a lot of stuff, actually.

There's, like, this cosplay competition which is...

It's, like, this historical reenactment.

And how exactly will you be dressed?

As Captain Marvel.

Huh?

- Captain Marvel. Captain Marvel. - Captain Marvel. Astaghfirullah.

- Hey, salaam, everyone. - She's a hero.

- In a very tight suit. - It's not that tight.

Yes, it is.

It's not like I'm asking to go to a party and do cocaine.

Not a lot of salaam here, huh?

Now, if it was him asking...

Be like, "Oh, yes, Aamir. Do what you want, Aamir beta. Please, please."

But me, no, because I can't do a single normal teenage thing in this house, right?

Come on, beta. You're not normal.

Beta, I meant you're special.

Knock, please.

Brought you some chai.

Look, that was a bold move.

Not very well thought out, but I respect you for trying.

You know, all she does to me is say no.

It's, like, where is this out of proportion worry for you?

- I'll talk to them. - Really?

- Yeah. I mean, you look kinda pathetic. - Thank you.

I got you.

Night, Tiny K.

You want me to turn off the lights or are you still afraid of the djinn?

- Okay, I'm not 12. - This says you're 12. Good night.

Bike lock engaged.

Just a second.

Kamala, what are you doing?

Stretching.

- Stretching? - Yeah.

So, your brother told us about your Avengers party.

- He did? - Yes.

And even though it will be a distraction from your studies,

and there will be lot of haram going on there, Kamala,

we have decided to let you go.

- Really? Really? Really? - Yes, but there are special conditions.

Your Abbu will drive you there and he will go inside with you for two hours.

And as far as your dressing goes,

I have a surprise for you.

The Hulk.

Wait, wait. Best is yet to come.

Ta-da!

Oye, chak de phatte!

See, Kamala. Big Hulk and little Hulk.

Bara Hulk aur choti Hulk!

- So cute you all will look. - Oh, my God. Okay, it's...

Mmm.

There's no big Hulk, little Hulk. It's just not...

- They are all heroes. - This is mine and Bruno's thing, okay?

Come on, bacchi. Can't you make an exception for Abbu?

I can't wear a salwar kameez to AvengerCon, okay?

And you can't come with me,

not dressed like that, because it is so humiliating.

- Okay, I didn't mean it like that. - Bas, Kamala.

If you don't go with your dad, you're not going at all.

I made this for you.

You're not going to dress up like all those other girls in skimpy outfits.

That is not you.

Abbu.

You're not going.

So the worst thing that could happen has happened.

Is that code for "I fell into the Hudson for the third time"?

That's "Black Sloth Down." And I fell in once, okay?

- Twice. - It means everything sucks.

Meet me on the roof in 10.

- You've never even seen them like that. - Like what? Like, mad?

Hurt. Bruno, I think I made my dad cry.

Mr. Khan crying? That's not good. That's...

Yeah, but listen.

Your mom and dad, they're gonna calm down, okay?

You're gonna apologize. It'll be fine.

Yeah, but maybe they're right.

Maybe I spend too much time with fan art,

and costumes and with my head stuck in fantasy land. So...

- Who is "they"? - My mom.

My teachers. Mr. Wilson.

Everyone.

There was a girl who decided she wanted to go backpacking around Europe.

And you would literally think she joined a death cult

given the way all the aunties just gossip about her.

I'm lost. What does that have to do with AvengerCon?

Because dressing up as Captain Marvel is weird.

- No, it's not. - It is childish.

And I know that, okay?

And let's be honest, it's not really

the brown girls from Jersey City who save the world.

Sure they do.

You're Kamala Khan.

You wanna save the world?

Then you're gonna save the world.

With the right equipment, of course. Speaking of, newest prototype.

- Are those Photon gloves? - Yeah.

- Do you want them or... - Yes.

Oh, my God. You made these?

- Yeah. I mean, do you like them? - Yes.

Oh! "Bruno Carrelli Corporations." I like it. Has a nice ring to it.

- How do they turn on? - Right here. Bow!

- See? - This is cosmic. This is cosmic. Get up.

-We're getting up.

Listen, they don't shoot real photon blasts.

- I'm ready. - Oh, we're fighting?

Oh, my gosh. Oh!

Zoe! You did that on purpose.

- No, I did not. - Yes, you...

You're supposed to be the latest in technology?

Thank God I didn't pay for you, I say.

What is it that I'm saying you can't understand?

I'm speaking in English, not code. So here goes. Shall we try again? Okay.

- Good night, Abbu. - Sleep tight, beta.

Zuzu, please, switch the TV...

Kamala, please tell Bruno this Zuzu is possessed by the evil djinn.

He needs to fix it.

Zuzu, television, switch it on.

If I can't leave the house to go to AvengerCon,

I'll go to AvengerCon without leaving the house.

How many slushies have you had today?

Because all that red dye three, it's making your brain...

Look, it's illusions, old friend.

You set up the smart house stuff for my dad,

so you're basically our inside man.

- This is the plan. - Kamala, you're the best sister ever.

Honestly, you should have been an only child.

Kamala is the best daughter in the whole wide world.

Stop, please. I'm shy.

5:49 p.m., I gracefully excuse myself.

And as my family celebrates my existence, I go to my bedroom.

And it's...

- Are you following? - Yes. Keep going.

5:55, I suit up in the greatest

Captain Marvel costume the Earth has ever seen...

Don't worry, it'll be finished by then, I hope.

Then I make my way out of the house undetected but extremely impressive where

you'll be waiting in your costume, which better be awesome. Don't embarrass me.

- Me embarrass you? - Yeah, I said it.

Oh, come on. I didn't even want beans.

But what if your parents go into your room?

- That's where you come in, right? - What?

You and your fancy Zuzu system are going to be my cover.

So, when there's a knock on the door...

Don't come in. I'm changing.

Finally, you being a genius is coming in handy.

Sorry, beta. Sorry.

What do you mean "finally?"

6:30, we catch the bus to Camp Lehigh.

And it might be a tight window but we're gonna do it with style.

Wait... Is that us biking off a bridge onto a bus?

Dream bigger, Bruno!

It's gonna be epic.

We get on the bus just in time. Everyone stares at us in awe

because we look back at them and their costumes are just... Meh.

Okay.

Then it's time for a tight but spontaneous 60 minutes of fun at AvengerCon.

Then at 8:00 p.m., the real reason we're here,

the reason I learnt to sew and you learnt to airbrush.

The cosplay competition.

I win, obviously. We collect my crown and I'm assuming it's made of real diamonds.

It's definitely not.

Then after a few quick photos with fans,

maybe some chats with the press, we bounce.

I'll sneak back into my room just before my dad comes in at 9:22 p.m.

That's the plan. Got it?

So your plan is take the bus.

All this, and that's your note? Really?

Does how we get there matter if you haven't finished your costume yet?

They want you to bring some of you to Captain Marvel, right?

So your mom's Hulk isn't the right idea

but maybe something Pakistani?

Oh, my God, Aamir.

- Ammi, I'm going to Taysha's this evening. - Nice. Say hi to her parents from me.

Yeh le lo ji aap.

And which is why I always say,

between the authorities and us the people, we are to blame.

And that is why the salamanders are almost extinct in Pakistan.

Which is why I'm also so worried about the plight of the parrots.

Speaking of parrots, you just reminded me I have a biology report

that's due tomorrow. So...

Beta, you gotta listen to me what I have to tell you about parrots.

Nope.

Are you okay?

Come on.

- That was my way back in. - I know. We missed the bus.

We can still make the next one, but if we miss it, it's game over.

No, no. Come on, come on.

Stop. Wait, please. That's my bike. Come on, man. Open the door.

Dude.

How likely is it I'm gonna find it there when I get back?

In Jersey City?

Oh, I'd say you have a 0.0001% chance.

Bike lock engaged.

- We made it. We made it. - Yeah!

Sorry.

Oh, my God.

Yeah!

Hey.

- Thank you. - Thank you.

Motion detected.

- Aamir's out for the evening. - Mmm-hmm.

Kamala is in her room.

Aah!

Coming up next, the Captain Marvel cosplay contest.

Showtime.

First place gets a...

Here you go.

- Is that Zoe? - You guys look amazing.

Why is she here?

- The costume's not even accurate. - She doesn't even like the Avengers.

It's okay. It's okay, okay?

I have to compete against her now?

Don't worry about it. It's your time to shine. Literally.

- You have the gloves? - Yeah. They're in my bag.

Last call for the Captain Marvel cosplay competition.

Cosplayers, please line up on the side of the stage.

AvengerCon, give it up. Amazing Captain America cosplayers.

Thank you, Captain America cosplayers. Congratulations to the winner.

You guys are all good to go. We're kicking things off...

Hi.

Wow. You look great. Yeah, good.

- What are you wearing? - It's Bruce Banner.

- What is that? - My personal self-expression.

Oh, cool. Okay.

Yeah, but I can't get it on. It's, like, sealed shut for some reason.

- Where are the gloves? - Oh, they're just...

Crap. I left it in the bathroom.

This is our final final call for contestants to the stage.

I'm gonna run and get it.

No, we don't have time. You gotta go. It's good. It's fine.

You got the bangle. Put it on.

Take your phones out. Show them the love. They are here.

Got it.

- Did you see that? - Come on. You gotta go.

...amazing Captain Marvel.

And we've got a final Captain Marvel coming to the stage right now.

Oh, God.

Come on, come on.

Oh, my God.

Uh, all right. Well, good luck following that, everybody.

Wow. I thought my Captain Marvel costume was gonna make people stare.

Oh, my God. Are you available to book for parties?

You wanna take a picture? I'll tag you. I follow back.

- Mostly. - Move.

Oh, my God! Help me! Help me!

What was that? Are you okay? We need to go.

What just happened? I don't even know what to say.

Okay, Bruno, I actually have powers.

Okay. Come on. Help me up.

Ready? Three, two, one.

- Go. - Oh, gosh.

Did that come out of your foot? Are you okay?

Hey, keep me updated. And text me everything.

So weird. Hey.

- Please don't tell anyone. - Stop, okay? I'd never tell anyone.

- Never ever? - Never ever ever.

Kamala.

Where have you been?

What are you doing?

I'm not recognizing you.

Who is this rebellious girl sneaking out, lying to Abbu and me?

I'm not trying to be rebellious.

And I'm trying to protect you from yourself.

I've seen what happens when people get obsessed with their fantasies.

I know you're just gonna tell me some story about Nani and...

So you knew what I was going to say tonight, huh?

And you knew that it would betray me, but you still went and did it anyway.

- Sorry. - It's time to stop fantasizing.

I wish that you would just focus on you.

Your grades. Your family. Your story.

I mean, who do you want to be in this world, huh?

Do you want to be good, like we raised you to be,

or do you want to be some, you know,

this cosmic head-in-the-clouds person?

You think about that.

Cosmic.

Check this out.

- Teenage girl at AvengerCon. - AvengerCon?

A cosplayer with too much time on their hands.

Not this one. I've never seen powers like that.

Whoa.

Yeah, bring her in.