Original subtitles

today is going to be a better day good

fall across for all time

and it's eight letters

infinite

eternal

does that is eternal have eight letters

yes because it has a Double T

okay so Romania is off but Michael

Northampton is a ghost situation the

Gateway to the West Northampton nothing

will stop me getting to Northampton oh

do you know I'm I'm so happy for you and

proud

thank you very much six across

Sword of

Omens it's eight letters Sword of

Damocles the makers yeah

we should have a system right now like

what I don't know

you cross

you could do down

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foreign

and I'll be the down one

now I was I came up with it last night

you're a funny old fish aren't you

because you're not unintentionally funny

person is that correct well yeah what I

tell jokes no you don't you you stumble

and topple headlong into funny things

completely accidentally occasionally oh

do I you make me sound like a wounded

gazelle no it's endearing

five down

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of circles of hell this is a [ __ ]

bleep crossword four nine

no it's four there are nine circles in

hell

it's four letters nine

[Music]

nine

I think I prefer a word search a word

jumble jerk call it what their Wilt I

enjoy a Zoom Quiz no you didn't all

right I enjoy hosting a Zoom Quiz when

all the questions are about you yes well

an embarrassment of pretension what

would be my superpower magazine

superpower would be

yep

uh invisibility I'm [ __ ] I'm so so I'm

so sorry I don't want to move away of

course I'm actually offended what yeah

uh I don't know funny stretchy arms uh

no my superpower would be that when

anyone looks at me yeah at will I would

be able to make myself look like you

well that would be a superpower and

you're not the only person who wishes

for that clearly I mean you could

describe it as human repellent what's

the next clue oh [ __ ]

oh my God lead actor

in staged [ __ ] off you're kidding yeah

how many letters

foreign

so talk to me about the auditions

you know the ones where I I asked you

clearly to behave

for the sake of your careers York

absolutely yeah

so

did you or did you not use these

sessions with A-list Hollywood Talent

as an impromptu therapy thing uh well

um David was feeling vulnerable uh you

know a bit tender weren't you well some

of the improvisations

got a wee bit personal did you cry no

did you

I cry that's a perfectly healthy

response you realize you're a laughing

stock yeah you know this right

that the sessions were screen tests and

that they were filmed and those films

have now been shared and shared and

watched

how widely globally

exponentially so does that mean now our

profile is bigger in America no Michael

America still doesn't like you

can you buy one more chance

you can be professional Mary we really

can yeah

I think you're cursed cursed have you

ever met a wizard no are you sure

because I think

the wizard must have [ __ ] you in the

ass

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pretty sure I would have remembered that

well no if you're Enchanted

hey guys hi hi how is that lovely oh she

was so excited to speak with you guys

seem to yeah Tom

um do you think you could get her

to give us another chance a chance of

what of reading with the actors no need

it's done it's already cast what what

really to what they've caused finish us

no I shouldn't say anything pretend I

didn't say anything pretend it didn't

say anything who who is it I can't say

Michael I cannot say no I can't Tom

please please just want to know who it

is we just want to know who is still

embargo to still embargo or Mary would

kill me with the trophy that she found

she would absolutely kill me

David don't do that well don't first

name me you remember the last time you

first name me do you remember this

when did you go to Disneyland with Tom

David

unbelievable oh

well not to can you help us out okay

this is this is what's happening this is

what's happening in the books right now

there is a call with Simon and the other

actors about a rewrite then after that

there's going to be a whole big

announcement then you'll find out why

don't you let us join the calls yes no

no come on it would make David so happy

it works you could do that David would

it really make you happy

I'd love it look look look look look at

David's face how can you refuse that

face Tom oh look at him look at him look

at his face Michael it's insane look at

that face do you see you sent it the

link accidentally let your finger

slipped and not your fault I can't I

can't but look how he's saying it

Michael come on we'll be so well behaved

oh absolutely and then when David comes

over to La next yeah you know if you get

us on that call I'm sure David would

love to spend time with you and hang out

go for dinner taking a show Michael you

said hang out yeah yeah if you tell us

if

[Applause]

yes David did you hear what Michael said

oh [ __ ] yeah that's great I know exactly

where we get food I know exactly where

we get dinner I've already planned the

courses and everything and I know

exactly what we'll be drinking at the

time I'm into that I thought I think

this is amazing David's always talking

about how much he'd like to meet up with

you and just hang out that's me Michael

that's me but vice versa I'm talking

about him well let's make that happen

let's make that happen as soon as we've

done this and then I could maybe you

know I'll be over soon and we could hang

out as well

all right Michael

it's traffic here

we just want to know who it is and we

can need anything we want we can talk

about anything we want you can choose of

course unless you know the city you can

show me around yeah

that's right you okay

take your time

you okay

yeah I'm fine we've been with this

project from the start you have we

deserved it's not even that big of a

deal he's gonna know we're there

what'd you say

what do I say yeah

this suddenly feels really strange

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so strange yeah I've just never played

myself before so

are you gonna do it like you what are

you gonna do it like David

no I'm gonna do it like me I think yeah

yeah yeah me too me too like me not like

me I don't like you and you do it like

me that oh yeah that'd be fun okay and

then I could do it like a smoky Angel

I'll pretend to be a drunk giraffe

[ __ ] you no I just mean your statue West

but you're sort of a little bit elastic

you know I can put my fist in my mouth

so I'll give you that

so do you know either of them I used to

know David and what about um

Simon

do you know do you know Simon

what does that mean

oh no

no no no I just had no memory of him

whatsoever

sent me an email that said long time no

see oh God I hate that phrase it's me so

nervous or did you challenge no I just

replied you two can't wait to catch up

I asked around apparently he's quite

forgettable

don't tell him I said he was forgettable

oh that I forgot him

don't

can you really fit your fist into your

mouth

oh

hi hi hello hello there hello hi uh Kate

uh Simon hi Phoebe

yay

long time

you've worked with Phoebe before yeah

yeah yeah yeah yeah we go back away when

was that sorry babes just hasn't had a

chance to to to to tell me when

what's that oh well Phoebe you

um did I not you tell it you tell it

this time I was just talking about it um

I can't remember the name of the um

the play the play yeah like a fishbone

like a fishbone at the little horse at

the bush yeah a couple of years ago yeah

well 2010

years ago yeah yeah happy happy here

it's lovely to be in your both your

orbits to sort of read a little bit of

this it's a it's a sort of scene from uh

series one of the UK version we sort of

tinted with it a little bit Andrew less

of it love it

God thank you uh I'm just gonna go and

grab a notebook quickly okay

very nice to see you

've got to say lovely to see you

that was not Jesus

[Applause]

Michael

Phoebe hello [ __ ] me it's Kate Blanchard

hi what are you doing here what are you

doing here

um Simon

um we we just went aware that Michael

was actually going to be here

I I was unaware Michael was going to be

here yeah we've actually specifically

told that he wouldn't be here yeah

um sorry we are just supposed to be

observing but what do you mean by we

what what are you doing here uh we're

reading for the show which show your

show my show our show what did you mean

by we we're reading for we're reading

for Simon sorry have you worked with

Simon before baby has

um

2012.10 is David's not coming is he

hello Jesus sorry mate

Phoebe

David

long time no see

a long time let's see what are you doing

here what are you doing here stop

repeating each other I'm sorry I just I

won't be in the same room with him well

technically we're not in the gym room oh

oh technically we're not in the same

room

we're not actually in the same room

Simon Simon sorry could you remind me

again what are they doing here

uh where the new Michael and David

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who are you who are you who are you who

am I I'm Tom who the [ __ ] is Tom uh

David's best friend Tom he's probably

talked about me if you're around him

like ever

okay your silence is insane can you

please get him for me um no who are you

who are you are you his personal

assistant his masseuse his Dungeons and

Dragons person do you clean his daily

are you like his patissier do you make

his pastries tell me what you're doing

there well uh yeah all those all those

things and also his wife

Georgia

so you've made love with him

okay sorry can you can you can you tell

me where he is where is he yeah he's

just on a call

watch what do you mean is it with Phoebe

and Kate George's with Phoebe and Kate

who is he being Kate I'm gonna be sick

Mary's on her way over here right now

with the Golden Globe

congratulations she's gonna beat me to

death with it

did you know that Phoebe hates David

Phoebe yeah because I had no idea nobody

told me Phoebe as in wallabridge yeah

the monologue woman the monologue woman

yeah you're [ __ ]

hey Michael

who who let you in to this

uh Tom did who's Tom Mary's assistant

Tom well he shouldn't have done that

okay I'm sorry I thought I thought you

liked each other not anymore oh Let It

Go Phoebe uh David why don't you tell

them no we worked on board church

together second series why is that

awesome oh it matters should we just

read instead let's read the scene

um sorry Kate can I I'm I'm just gonna

get this out of the way

I am a huge fan oh my God thank you I

mean your micro shame oh my God uh

Yorkie Blanchard Kate Blanchard's a big

fan oh I mean no no seriously seriously

I only had this way of just losing

yourself in your roles well excuse me

didn't someone play Bob Dylan come in

can we read no I'd like David still

hurts I know anyone wants to hear the

story Simon wants

to see I supposed to no I remember that

I remember that from the Dunbar the bush

like a goldfish fish bone yeah exactly I

remember that you that you like a good

story uh yeah I mean there are other

more memorable things about me well so

we were filming Broadchurch on location

there were long days and it happened

that occasionally I would need the

bathroom

so when I did need to go early on David

would find a way of making his phone

omit a sound

a sound like a text alert a text alert

it's like a ping ping what

he was methodical

I'd go and his phone would ping I didn't

notice it first weeks passed cause and

effect swap places his phone would ping

and it just it became pavlovian this

this can't be real it is real I heard it

and I had to go immediately and

involuntarily it was a joke I was

written out of scenes it was a joke

whole scenes because I had to go to the

toilet that's not what happened that is

what happened I thought it would be

funny well it's not yeah all right how

much comedy have you done she is funny

have you seen notes on a scandal yeah

have you you ruined my career

stop being cast roles dried up I was

difficult to work with no one wanted to

hire me because they called me

the Lou recluse what the flea bag I had

to [ __ ] create a fleabag I inspired

you we read please I had to carve my way

back in please can we read look I'm

sorry I've I I've got to be somewhere

I've got to be on another call no come

on I'm sorry please I really have to get

on another call seriously why have we

not met before I I don't know we've got

to do something about that yeah hang on

if you two are playing us who's playing

our other house who's playing Georgia

you mean George George is that joke you

wouldn't know a joke if it came on your

face

sorry who

are who are Partners uh Simon

um

Martin Freeman ah no no no [ __ ] you no

not Martin Freeman not again so he's

lovely no he is a [ __ ] thief

I

okay look I I was going to be Bilbo

Baggins you were supposed to be in The

Hobbit yes it was mine the role was mine

I'd accepted it and then he stole it

from me oh no no no no he's a sweetheart

no he's a monster can we read please is

that when you were recast yep I thought

it was me sorry when would you ever

replace me

he did look like a Hobbit Peter Jackson

he did ask me about you when I mean it

was a it was a long time ago and what

did you say well I was honest and said

I'd never heard of you

oh

what did he ask you about Martin oh yes

I just

said I thought he was all right and

frost Nixon

that was that was me that was you that

was me yeah that was him yeah

oh you ruined my career and then back

off hairy legs I didn't know that was

you I lose myself in my roles well

do it less so do it less yes Lose

Yourself less Lose Myself less please

can we read please please

can we read can we just read can we read

it can we just read it once just please

read it

yeah yeah great thank you

foreign

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[Music]

thank you

[Music]

yes yes the seventh letter of lead actor

in staged is the last letter of or

across and four acrosses for all time

right it's infinite

last letter is e d a v i d t e n n a n t

oh what about Immortal last letter is l

m i c h a e l s h e e n

uh any other crosswords

um two across animated animal uh is

three letters and it shares a first

letter with either you or me

[Music]

dog

man dog

dog dogs

Snoopy

Deputy dog

um

droopy it's ant and animated animal

three letters ant from the movie and

[Music]

and it is Immortal that doesn't fit with

either of us because it's Adrian Lester

[Music]

ah oh that's disappointing

[Music]

usually anyway episode and he was [ __ ]

yeah he was [ __ ]

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