Original subtitles

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I've got Talia.

All right. Let's do this thing.

Mm-hmm.

Transfer's confirmed.

Move in.

That's very good.

Sonny Talia...

you're under arrest.

Oh, yeah?

For what?

Import-export?

Calm down, buddy.

Here's my bill of lading.

Coffee, paint,

computer chips,

and lawn chairs.

There's nothing in here but lawn chairs.

Hey, sweetheart, you're a beautiful girl.

You ever get tired of working this FBI thing,

you can come and work for me

in one of my dance joints, huh?

Bring in Agent 11!

Agent 11...

search!

What's this?

Go, go, go, move!

Hey, get away from me!

Get away from me!

Oh, oh...

oh, no, no...

Bleeker street.

Dog town.

Canine alley.

No, you don't. No, you don't.

Come on, Spike.

Can't we do this nice just once?

All right.

You asked for it.

What do we got here?

Got chicken. Go get the chicken.

Go get the chicken.

Hold it.

All right. Come on, mutt.

Ah! Ha!

Psych, Spike.

Come on, Boodles.

We gotta stop meeting like this.

I'm telling you,

it costs me 20 bucks a week in meatballs.

Let's do it again.

Go get the meatball!

Where are you?

Where is that stinkin' dog?

Whoa!

Well, well, well.

What's up, Tyson?

You on lockdown?

Want to get the mail?

Want to get the mailman? Come on.

Come on. Try.

Yeah...

too fast.

Oh, who am I?

M.C. Hammer. You know why?

'Cause you can't touch this.

Aah!

Aah!

Ah! Not today, Tyson.

Oh!

Ow!

Here you are, baby.

Signed, sealed, delivered.

Thank you, Benny.

I'll see you tomorrow?

Oh, yeah, and remember...

if there's anything I can do for you,

all you have to do is raise that little flag,

and I'll come through for you, baby...

rain, sleet, or snow.

This postman always delivers.

Damn.

Whew.

Oh, hey, hey, Gordon. What's up, man?

You're lookin' smooth, brother.

Tyson again?

Yeah, but I'm cool.

You know what, man?

That dog's on an all-white-meat diet,

'cause he ain't never did that to no brother.

Ha! That's not funny.

Ha ha ha ha! Yes, it is.

You know what, man?

Why don't you just request a different route

if he's giving you such a hard time?

Listen, Benny. There's not a dog

on this planet that can scare me.

OK, brother.

Aah!

Oh, that's funny.

That's hysterical.

Oh, come on, baby. They just jokes.

They just jokes. Don't be getting postal on me.

Postal? I'm not postal.

Don't even play with me like that, all right?

You know y'all white people crazy.

Look, I'll check you back at the crib, all right man?

All right.

Oh, hey, G!

You can keep that dog, dawg.

Get it, dog?

Dr Metro, you're wanted in delivery.

Dr Metro.

Oh, uh, here's some good news, Mr Talia.

The, uh, metal ball bearing we inserted

to replace your missing appendage

should help you maintain a nice, natural appearance.

And luckily, we were able to save the other one,

or else we'd have to put in 2,

and then when you walk, uh...

What? What, it's just a...

a little urological humour. It's just...

Aah!

Let it go, please.

Listen, Sonny.

It's OK.

The prosecution has absolutely

nothing on you.

You are a legitimate businessman

with a valid bill of lading

for the importation of goods.

The Government can't prove prior knowledge

or possession.

They got no case.

Yeah, but I'm not worried about that right now.

What I'm worried about is this Agent 11 dog.

It's always this Agent 11 dog.

He made me lose $22 million

in the last 3 years.

And now he made me lose...

He made me lose...

You know, Sonny,

you only need one.

Yeah?

Then why don't you give me one of yours?

Just lookin' on the bright side.

Besides, there's nothin' you can do

about the dog, anyway.

Oh, yes, there is.

Ah, ow.

Man's best friend.

Bad dog!

I'm sorry, buddy.

Hey, baby. Oh.

Steph, someone has mailed you

a stuffed dog.

Yo, Rick, the cover shoot

for Slick and Slimy is down the hall.

Gordon.

Hey, Steph.

Hi. Ha...

Hi.

Hey, um, you know what?

This really isn't such a good time

Well, I got James a... a little present here.now.

Oh, my God, that's so sweet.

All he's been talking about is dogs, dogs, dogs.

He doesn't understand that you can't have one

in an apartment. Hey, honey, come here.

Gordon's got something for you.

What's up, little man?

Look what Uncle Gordon got you.

But see, I'm not really your uncle,

so if you see me kissing your mom...

that's OK.

Eww!

Don't worry, James.

There's no chance of that happening.

Hey, hey, pal. What do we say?

Thank you.

I like dogs.

I'm gonna keep you for a long time.

You know, Steph, this guy's whack.

Hello?

Yeah, Daisy?

Flight's at 9.00.

Yeah, tonight.

Yeah, you waltz in here with that cheap toy

thinking you can buy back Stephanie through her son?

You're just mad 'cause you didn't think of it first.

Oh, I don't have to.

See, I'm here because Stephanie

wants a real man around the house.

What are you gonna do, go arrest one

and bring him home to her?

OK, guys.

Police business.

I gotta go.

Come on, I'll show you the door.

All right.

Mm.

Rick.

OK, bye.

All right. Bye, now.

Take care. Don't get shot.

Out. What?

Out. Now. Go.

Come on, Steph.

Bye.

Oh, Steph, you can't fight it, baby.

I'm cool.

Don't even start with me, man.

instead ofyou need them stamps, man.

'cause, you know, Rick got 'em.

Yeah, yeah.

Unh!

Look, G, I'm feelin' you, man.

Stephanie's a dime.

A dime? What's that mean?

A "10."

But she comes with carry-on.

Hmm?

The kid.

What's your point?

It's like you're datin' Janet,

but Janet's bringin' Tito.

You don't want that.

We're just friends.

I'm giving her advice on her love life.

Love life advice?

Come on, man. She'd be better off

calling the Psychic Friends Network.

Look, if you want to get with that mama,

you got to be a papi, you know?

Are you ready for that responsibility?

No!

I am cool with my current responsibilities, thank you.

Like what?

Remembering to floss.

Mm-hmm.

Feeding my fish.

Mm-hmm.

And at some point, returning The Matrix video

to Blockbuster.

You figure a kid that was abandoned in a mailbox

would jump at the chance

to screw up a family of his own.

Do you have to bring that up?

Yeah, I have to bring that up, man.

What the... oh.

Didn't your foster parents teach you any better than that?

Didn't they teach you to have respect for other's property?

The last time I sat on this couch with Chee-tos,

my butt was orange for a week.

You know what?

Take your dang couch out of here.

I didn't want it in the first place.

I told you I don't have space for it over there.

You know I'm teaching yoga in the front room now.

No, I don't want to hear about your teaching yoga.

You don't even know one yoga move.

I can pick a $5.00 bill up with my butt.

You cannot.

Give me $5.00.

Yeah.

I want to see this.

Oh, you gonna see it, baby.

You gonna see it.

Uh-huh, watch this.

Yeah.

Wow.

Ah! OK.

All right. I'm stuck.

You all right?

Just come push me over.

Just push me over.

Just push me to the back.

OK, ahh...

Hey, hey, hey. Watch the couch.

Yo, why'd you trip me, man?

All right. Come on, man.

Yes, I'm gonna watch football!

You know I'm ready.

Yes, I'm... oh.

Yeah, I want to watch some football!

Aah!

Yeah, ha ha ha...

Ms Maguire, I have people here.

You must come down now.

Whoo.

Hey, what are you yelling about?

You tell her to come down now!

Because we are leaving to the airport.

She's so slow.

She better come down.

Ms Maguire, come on down.

Where you going, man?

Nowhere, man.

Hey, man.

Gordon. Yo, yo.

Do you mind?

Look here, man. You can't even take care

of that hamster I gave you for Christmas, man.

What you gonna do with a woman?

Come on, man. Let me do this.

Go on, handle your business, then.

Yo, what's up, Steph?

Oh, I'm going out of town on business,

and the baby-sitter's late.

She said she'd be here in 10 minutes

30 minutes ago.

OK, calm down.

It's OK.

Super G's here.

Oh, god, I hope this is you, Daisy.

Hello?

Daisy.

What do mean you're gonna be here in 10 more minutes?

Daisy, if you don't get here,

I'm gonna miss my plane!

Yo, Stephanie. Don't worry about it.

I'll watch James until Daisy gets here.

OK, you know what? I don't that's a really good idea.

Daisy? Yeah, it's Gordon.

Get your butt over here, girl, fast.

There you go.

Gordon, I don't think this is a good idea.

You don't know anything about

taking care of a child.

It's 10 minutes.

What's he gonna do, dry out?

Come on, we'll kick back,

have a couple beers, huh?

OK, one beer.

All right, listen, you got business

to take care of. Just relax.

It's gonna be fine.

I'll keep an eye on James,

James will keep an eye on me.

Let's go.

OK, honey.

Daisy is on her way,

so Gordon is gonna watch you for a few minutes.

Are you OK with that?

Let's go!

OK, OK.

Move it! Move it now!

Oh, this is important.

Remind Daisy to always check the food pyramid.

This is a list of what he can watch and when.

Only an hour a day, no PG.

And Gordon, no video games, all right?

Oh, and you've got to make sure

that she takes him to piano and soccer.

And look, it's all in the schedule.

OK, OK, now, all the shaded-green areas

are all free-play time.

Yeah, but Daisy knows all this, right?

I mean, she has been

watching him, like, 2 years.

Right. You're right. OK.

OK, sweetheart.

Mommy will be home tomorrow,

and when Mommy's away, who do we listen to?

Daisy.

Right. and remember...

Follow the rules, and playtime will follow.

Got it.

I love you.

Gordon, you're a life-saver.

Yeah, all 5 flavours.

Don't make oochie-coochie.

Everybody, put on seat belts!

All right, there you go!

Run, baby, run!

Whoo!

Oh, knock him on his ass!

Whoa.

My bad.

Uh, knock him... knock him to the asphalt.

Knock him to the asphalt.

I hope that baby-sitter gets here soon.

We gotta watch this on the big screen.

This is weak.

I know.

Hello? Daisy.

Yeah, it's Gordon. Where are you?

What do you mean, you can't come?

You better come. Come on, the game's on.

Get your butt over here.

Food poisoning?

Uh...

uh...

Daisy?

Listen, you can have food poisoning over here

with James.

Daisy...

I can't...

I don't understand what you're saying.

I don't think she's coming.

Don't worry. It's cool.

Your mom will be back tomorrow,

and Benny will hang with us.

Uh-uh.

You're already hanging yourself

just fine, brother. But just remember, man,

if he gets a little scared or starts crying

or messes his drawers,

give me a call.

Benny, he's gonna be fine.

I wasn't talking to you.

I was talking to him.

Now, look here, James.

If he going to the bathroom

longer than 5 minutes, man...

light a match.

I'll be in the room watching the big screen!

No, come on, man.

You're on your own, dawg!

Come back here, Benny.

That ain't funny.

Benny!

I'm hungry.

Good. OK. Food.

I can do that.

Come on, kid.

I can't have breakfast now.

Why not?

It's dinnertime.

So?

I don't know about this.

Wow. Doesn't your mommy make you clean?

Yeah. Well, occasionally

I just take a flame-thrower to it

and start all over again.

What's that smell?

That's the smell of a man.

That's what a man's place smells like,

all right?

But listen. Come over here.

We gotta go over some rules here.

Listen carefully.

This is my stuff.

Look at it. It's beautiful.

It is 500 watts of Dolby digital sound.

Stereo, receiver, DVD player...

the tower of power!

Check it out.

Don't touch it.

You hear that?

Can you feel it, baby?

All right. Repeat after me.

"Don't touch Gordon's stuff."

Don't touch Gordon's stuff.

We're gonna get along just fine.

Here we go.

Some natural, whole-bran cereal,

just like the chart says.

And some soy milk.

Mmm mmm mmm.

Hold it, now. Hold it, now.

Can't forget your prunes.

All right.

Dig in.

Your mom ever say anything about me?

I heard her with Daisy.

Oh, yeah? Listening in

to your mom's conversations, huh?

That's good.

What'd she say?

She said that you're funny.

Funny? Funny. That's good.

Yeah. We like funny.

What else?

That you're irresponsible.

Irresponsible?

Irresponsible, waste your time,

and you only want one thing.

Oh, and you're some kind of hound.

She said that?

What's she got you eatin' here?

Mmm!

That's good.

How can you eat that?

"No sugar added"?

And they're proud of that?

I want to tell you about this man I know.

His name's Captain Crunch.

He's got some friends, too...

Count Chocula and Toucan Sam.

Froot Loops.

I'm not allowed.

Wait. Wait a minute.

You see, the warden's away.

Just us guys here.

We hunt. We gather. We eat what we want.

But what if my mom finds out?

I won't tell her if you don't.

I see right here it says

I shouldn't have given you sugar.

Whoa! Whoa!

Those are live animals!

Catch me!

Aah! Uhh!

I want this Agent 11 taken out.

Is that clear?

I don't know, Sonny. I mean, an FBI Agent.

That could be a little tricky.

Whoa! This guy is huge.

Not him, you moron, the dog.

Agent 11 is a dog.

Oh, there.

Heh heh heh heh!

That's funny. Heh heh heh!

That's a good one, Sonny.

That's a good one.

You want we should whack a dog?

Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha!

You 2 tubs of blubber think that's funny, huh?

There's no reason to get personal, Sonny.

This is personal! It don't get no more personal!

I want the dog dead!

All right. Yeah. All right, Sonny.

But, you know, we're pros.

I mean, how we gonna hold our heads up

in the community

with people knowin' that we're goin' around

to put the whack on a pooch?

I mean, we got an image.

Let me put it this way.

If the two of youse don't whack this pooch,

then the two of youse are gonna get whacked.

OK. You're the boss.

No problem.

Do regular fees apply?

Come on.

What'd I say?

It is important

that your dog know work ethic.

You see him?

It's a bunch of puppies.

It is natural he will want to play,

but he also wants to please you.

Teach him to work, to work well,

and in the end, that is all your dog will want.

Michaels, what are you doing?

Uh, nothing, sir.

Is Agent 44 your pet?

No, sir. No, he is not.

He's an FBI Agent.

Yes, sir.

You wouldn't tickle a fellow Agent's underbelly.

No, sir.

You don't see me

tickling Agent Cassavettes' underbelly,

- do you? - No, sir.

No, you do not.

People, get this through your head.

These dogs will save your life one day.l.

Agent 11 saved mine several times.

So don't tickle my animals.

All canine agents wear an invisible-fence collar

which gives a shock designed to get his attention.

Since we work exclusively with hand signals,

sometimes it is necessary

to prompt the dog to look back.

This causes serious discomfort.

For the dog's safety,

the collar has a voltage regulator

to prevent power surges.

Never introduce a metal object

or you'll light your animal up like a Christmas tree.

Now, a demonstration of the shock collar

by the most decorated canine in FBI history... 11.

That's him. You sure?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah. A little older, maybe,

but that's him.

Attack!

Come to papa.

Now!

11!

What was that?

You said now.

I meant now now, not now!

Word on the street is,

Sonny Talia put the hit out on Agent 11.

Not that we're surprised.

If Talia can infiltrate our training facility,

then Agent 11 isn't safe here.

Ah.

I've decided to call witness protection

in on this.

Agent Murdoch, Agent Sharp.

This is a highly unusual...

Agent Sharp, Agent 11.

It's a, uh, highly unusual request,

but the agency is very concerned.

To be able to do something like this,

Talia must have a man on the inside.

Now, until we learn who...

Until we learn who that is,

we will be relocating Agent 11

to a protected environment.

OK. So where will we be going?

Not we.

Agent 11 is going alone.

So you're taking him away from me?

Let it go, Murdoch.

It's for his own good.

But we're a team.

Agent 11 is my most important tool.

What would I be without him?

Nothing. Nothing at all.

You can't take him away from me.

That's just like taking away my gun.

You can't...

That'll be fine.

Jeez!

Whoa!

Hey, little buddy.

Little hair of the dog that bit you.

I feel better.

Where's your school?

I don't have school. It's summer.

I guess I'm gonna have to take you to work with me.

Yay! Yay! I get to deliver the mail.

Great.

At least tell me where he's going.

Well, there's no harm in that, I guess.

He's going to an FBI sled-dog training facility in Alaska.

You watch yourself up there, OK?

OK, boy?

Go on. Get in.

I'll take those.

Don't worry, Murdoch, OK? He'll be fine.

Yeah. He better be.

A message from Sonny.

Play dead.

The dog is in the third van.

All right. Remember,

you're not supposed to be in the truck.

It's against regulations.

So just stay low and make yourself useful.

Divide those stacks of letters

into odd and even numbers.

OK.

Thanks, pal.

Pull alongside.

I'll whack the driver. Then we'll get the dog.

Gotcha.

Whoa!

When it's safe.

Ease up alongside.

Aah!

Jeez!

Get the dog! Get the dog!

Drive the car!

Hey, buddy, I'll be right back.

Don't go anywhere.

Whoa!

Hi.

How you doin' back there, buddy?

Gordon, is this your dog?

No, that's your dog.

Mine?

Yeah. I gave him to you, remember?

Cool. What's his name?

Spot. The dog's name's Spot.

Spot?

Yo, Cleavis! What's up, brother?

Yo!

Aah!

Aah!

No! No!

Oh, man!

James! Ooh!

James!

James. Aah! Aah!

James, come here.

Are you OK? Any broken bones?

I'm fine. Good.

Whose dog is that?

That's my dog.

Your dog?

Come on, James, don't lie to me.

I'm not. That's my dog Spot.

You gave him to me.

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

I did not give you a dog.

What?!

Hey, Stephanie!

Cool! I've been leaving you messages all night.

I know. Is James OK?

Yeah. The kid's fine. Everything's cool.

I can't believe this is happening.

I shouldn't have left him. I have to get back.

OK, Great. So, you'll be here in, like, 2 hours?

No, I'm not.

Gordon, there's been some freak blizzard,

and all the flights are cancelled,

and roads are closed,

and cell phones aren't even working.

People are going insane.

What?

Everyone back off!

Gordon, I don't think you can handle this.

I'm coming. Somehow, I'm coming.

What do you mean, I can't handle something like this?

Oh. You think I'm irresponsible.

Well, for your information,

I'm a very responsible guy.

Look. You know what?

I'm just gonna call Beverly

and see if she can take James.

Yeah. Well, go ahead and do that.

That's probably a good idea.

But, you know, if you need me, I'm here.

Can I just talk to James, please?

Yeah.

Sure. Hold on.

Listen. Don't tell her anything about this.

This is guy stuff.

Don't mention the accident,

and whatever you do,

don't say anything about the d-o-g.

OK.

Hi, Mom. Gordon got me a dog.

I know. I know. I saw him before I left.

His name is Spot. Can I keep him?

Mm-hmm. Yeah. You sure can.

Wow! Thanks, Mom.

♪ You know I can't smile without you ♪

♪ Can't smile without you... ♪

I wonder, is Agent 11 all right up there?

We've never been apart.

I feel like a part of me is missing.

Cassavettes.

What do you mean, he jumped out of the van?

Which van?

No problem. That wasn't our dog.

That was just a decoy.

Let the local dogcatcher deal with it.

Check on him.

Murdoch, he's fine. It wasn't him.

FBI substation, Nome.

Danvers, this is The Tiger.

Oh, hi, Murdoch. How you doin'?

Don't use my real name, man.

I don't know if this line is secure.

Sorry. What's up, Tigger?

It's Tiger, and has the package arrived?

He's here. Yeah.

Are you sure this is an FBI dog?

I mean, he sure doesn't look like much.

Listen, mister.

11 is the top canine agent in America

and probably the World.

He is a killer.

OK.

Yeah. Uh-huh.

Yeah. What's up?

Uh-huh. OK.

Yeah. Look at that!

Uh-huh. What?

Let's stretch this.

Mm-hmm.

Uh! Ah, yes! You see? Y'all in trouble now.

There comes my boy, right there. Yeah.

My boy always got my back. Uh-huh.

Hold on right there. Hold on! Ha ha!

Yo, Benny. What's goin' down?

Just on my 15-minute break.

But you know I don't back down from a challenge.

They calling you out? You got my back?

Let's get disgruntled.

♪ Your best friend Harry has a brother Larry ♪

♪ In 5 days from now, he's gonna marry ♪

♪ He's hopin' you can make it there if you can ♪

♪ 'Cause in the ceremony ♪

♪ You'll be the best man ♪

♪ You say neato Check your libido ♪

♪ And go to the church in your new tuxedo ♪

♪ The bride walks down Just to start the weddin' ♪

♪ And here's one more girl ♪

OK. I give you that.

Look. What else you got?

♪ If you want it... ♪

Little something I call "George Jefferson."

Uh-huh.

Yeah! That's it!

Call Weezie!

Weezie!

Call Weezie! Ha ha!

Weezie!

Put the mail in the box!

Put the mail in the box!

E.T., the extraterrestrial.

Uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh!

Make him phone home!

Phone home.

Make him phone home!

Phone home!

Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha!

There you go, Gordon. Break it down.

Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!

Oh, grab 'em!

I'm getting dizzy on 'em.

Ha ha ha!

Don't get dizzy. Make 'em dizzy, baby.

Air Gordon, baby. Whoo!

Whoo!

Yeah!

Uh-huh. You know what?

This how I shut the club down.

Yeah, you want some of this?

You want some?

Oh! Oh!

Oh!

Ha ha ha ha!

You see the expression

on that dog's face?

It wasn't a scowl.

It was more like a smirk.

It was like he was smirking at us.

Yeah. Well, I can't even believe

that I'm doin' this.

What?

Give me the good news.

Oh. Heh heh heh! Hey, Sonny.

Heh! Hey, listen.

That skirt from the witness protection program,

well, she gave us some bad information,

you know, so, we kind of... heh...

followed the wrong dog,

but don't worry,

'cause we got it all figured out,

and we know where her mistake was,

so now we're gonna have the dog by the morning.

Gino, I know you all my life.

Yeah.

We grew up on the same block.

Your mother baby-sat me.

She changed my diapers.

Your sister's married to my goombah,

and I personally will shove you headfirst

into an incinerator...

Huh?

and burn you to a crisp

if you screw this one up on me again.

This is good.

You ought to have some of this here,

with the tomato.

Oh, boy.

If this ever gets out...

Hey, you didn't say nothin' to nobody, did you?

No!

Well, I told Paulie.

You told Paulie? He's a gossip.

Had to, was supposed to do that thing with him in Atlanta.

He promised he'll keep his mouth shut.

Yeah, right.

Let's go to the dog pound...

big mouth.

Nobody's gonna know nothin'.

Charlie the Clip from Jersey.

Gino... Shut up!

Vinny Bash from Brooklyn.

Eddie Sharp.

Gino.

Oh, Joey BB Eyes!

I don't want to leave him here.

Come on, James.

You don't want a dog. Trust me.

I want Spot.

This dog isn't Spot.

This dog doesn't even have one spot on him.

It doesn't matter. It's just a name.

Come on, James. You don't want a dog.

Dogs stink.

You gotta feed 'em. You gotta walk 'em.

You gotta clean 'em. They poop everywhere.

They'll poop in your bed.

James, I'm a mailman.

Mailmen hate dogs.

I'm not gonna have a dog in my house, James.

That's it. I'm sorry.

It'll never happen.

What will happen to him?

What's he doing?

I don't know.

Dog's weird.

You know what, dog?

You're starting to give me the creeps.

What's wrong with him?

I got it!

We'll play catch.

OK? OK. Come on. Catch the ball.

Let's try that again.

Watch the ball.

Are you serious?

What's wrong with you?

Why don't you play?

No play. No.

Do you hear me, Agent 11?

No. Bad Agent.

We don't do that.

No! No!

Hello! Is anybody home?

Hey, look. I'm gonna do

what you're supposed to do.

Check it out.

I'll take your collar,

and I'm gonna be a dog.

As a matter of fact,

I'm gonna be you...

a big, stupid dog.

Look. I can sit.

I can lay down.

Well, I can't scratch my head,

but Benny probably could.

I can lick my...

paw.

Watch me. Watch me chase my tail.

I'm chasing my tail. I'm chasing...

That is so weird.

Uhh! That one hurt.

Oh! Oh, God.

Uh... I don't know what to tell you, James.

You're not trying hard enough.

Are you kidding?

I mean, come on.

The dog doesn't want to play.

Dog's broken.

You didn't try hard enough.

I'm about to throw up.

I didn't try hard enough.

It's not my fault this dog is broke.

You know, maybe when your mom gets back,

she could get you a dog that actually works.

Now, why don't you just watch TV or something?

Keep it on cartoons.

Don't try to get smart.

Thank you, Pinky. Now quietly amuse yourself.

Yeah, this'll work.

Unh! Grr!

I gotta get this stupid dog collar off my neck.

Birdy, birdy, birdy! Narf!

Ahh.

Aaiiieeehhh!

Noooo!

James, put that down!

James, put that down.

Say we're gonna get to keep Spot.

We can't keep him. He's not...

Hmm? OK, OK!

You can keep the dog.

Hey, there. That's him!

Wrong dog.

Do you mind?

Ha ha ha!

I gotta take these 2 creatures to the park,

and I don't need you

giving me attitude right now.

Oh, now, don't y'all look adorable.

Look, you got a kid. You got the dog.

You got you.

Norman Rockwell, man!

Let me get a picture of that.

Say "Tupac."

Tupac.

Ha ha ha!

You see that, dawg? He said "Tupac."

Mhh! I feel like

such a proud mama right now.

Look... my family.

All right, all right. You want to come

to the park with us?

Park? For what, man?

To watch you watch the dog watch himself?

Man, the dog don't even move.

He ain't moved since I walked in the house.

Look at him.

I think he broke.

Yeah. Go get Spot's ball.

We're gonna get the frisbee.

We'll meet you in the hall.

Go get it, Spot!

Go get it.

Maybe the frisbee will work. Come on.

Go get the frisbee.

What's wrong with you?

You see anything?

Just keep your eyes peeled.

Where does a mutt go?

Hey! Ohh!

Hey, take it easy, Gino! Take it easy!

I'm sorry. He has a bladder condition.

He can't control himself.

Yeah, I got your bladder condition over here.

Take it easy, Gino! Come on.

Get your mutt out of here. Take a hike!

Jeez, it stinks, Gino.

You think it'll stain?

Spot?

Hey!

Hey, help!

Help! He stole a purse.

Somebody help!

There he is.

Spot!

James, come here!

Spot, come back!

Uh-oh.

Ooh! Ew!

Sorry, man.

That dog is totally psycho.

Where's that crazy dog?

There he is!

Spot, no! Bad dog!

Bad dog! What are you doing? I'm sorry.

He's not really my dog.

I didn't know he was a thief!

What?

Huh? What's that?

Listen, I said I'm sorry.

Oh, yeah, I get it. How much?

How much you want? 20 bucks?

25 bucks.

Come on, that purse ain't worth more than 25 bucks.

I said I'm sorry... hey, back off.

What's the matter, lady? Hey, back... ow!

Gordon? It's me again.

I can't believe this. This is terrible!

I finally made it out the snow,

and now all the roads are blocked,

and the stupid bus is stuck.

I don't know how I'm gonna get back.

You really don't know

how much I appreciate this.

You're a good man, Gordon.

Hey, Gordon... oh, you know what?

I really... I hate asking this,

but the thing is, is that, um,

James has this little trouble with sleeping...

Ohh! No!

Aah!

Huh?

Watch out! Get out of the way!

I gotta go.

What is it? What's wrong?

I can't take it anymore!

I can't sleep. I can't eat.

I'm an emotional wreck.

It's all right.

You're here now.

Cassavettes...

I don't know how to tell you this.

Are you wearing 11's dog tag?

But I think he's feeling

what I'm feeling. I talked to Danvers.

He's only had one cup of kibble today.

The dog? You came here to talk about the dog?

Of course! He's my partner!

I miss him!

We've never been apart this long.

He's always been a good eater, just like me,

even when he was a puppy.

Murdoch...

this is not healthy.

Now, I want you to fly up there,

check on him,

and get this out of your system.

Really?

There you go.

You do the crime, you do the time.

I told you

he wouldn't like that.

Of course he likes that.

That's what that sound means.

Tcch! Yeah, right.

Come on, it's bedtime.

You just holler if you need anything.

Good night, Spot.

Ohh!

Are you kidding?

Argh! Stupid dog!

Hey, what's all the racket about?

OK, I get it.

Jeez.

Oh, I'm glad you can sleep.

Oh, wait, my keys.

♪ Mr Sandman... ♪

All right, let's go, stupid.

♪ Bring me a dream ♪

♪ Bom, bom, bom, bom ♪

♪ Make him the cutest that I've ever seen ♪

♪ Bom, bom, bom, bom ♪

♪ Give him 2 lips like roses and clover ♪

♪ Dum, dum, dum, dum... ♪

Come on, go already.

What now?...Ohh.

♪ Don't have nobody to call my own ♪

That's nasty.

I'm not picking that up.

♪ Mr Sandman, bring me a dream ♪

No!

Hey, what's the big idea?

I'm sorry I tied you up to the furnace.

Let me in.

All right... hey! Where you going?

Come back here!

Hey, where you going?

You stupid dog!

James!

James!

James!

James! James!

Aah! Eww! Yuck!

Ugh! Oh, God!

Nasty.

Ewww! Ugh!

Ohh! Aah!

God! Bleh!

Ugghh!

Aah! Ow!

Argh! Ack!

Shut up down there!

I'm covered in caca!

God.

James!

Spot, oh, God, I'm gonna kill you!

Aah!

Aah! Aah! Aah!

Whoa! Aah!

Augh!

You got some I.D.?

I.D.? I don't think so!

Hey, don't get wise, buddy.

Listen, I live right here, OK?

The dog locked me out.

You been drinking, pal?

No, I have not been drinking!

Look, I'm taking care of the neighbour's kid,

and then this dog came.

Came from where?

Hell!

I'm telling you, this is Satan's dog!

He gets mad at the drop of a hat.

He got pissed off at me

and locked me out of my own house! He's crazy!

Put your hands on your head, sir!

I said, put your hands on your head!

Ew! Huh!

OK, let's just try to relax here.

He locked me out of my own house!

Satan's dog locked you out?

Yeah, yeah!

Do you think I'd do this to myself?!

Oh, boy! Whoa, whoa!

OK, why don't you just come with us?

We'll get someone who can help you.

Not in my squad car. He reeks.

Oh, thank god! James! See, that's the kid.

And that's the dog.

Son, do you know this man?

That's Gordon. He lives here.

Next time you step outside, sir,

I suggest you take your keys.

Thanks. I'll remember that.

Let me in the house!

This is crazy, Gino.

Sonny's gonna nail our heads together.

You ask me, we get our passports,

start to learn Spanish.

Arliss, Arliss,

you gotta focus.

All we gotta do is get in the dog's head.

So, every place a dog has gotta go,

we hang these posters.

Sooner or later, he's gotta show,

and when he does,

ba-da-bing!

That's smart.

What are you doing?

You're doing it all wrong.

Come on, check it out.

You gotta put a bunch of junk on it.

Let me give you some style.

There you go.

Oof! Oof!

Yeah, that's it. Yeah, get crazy!

Girls love that! That's the look.

Yeah!

See, that's got attitude.

Gordon, what was your daddy like?

My daddy?

Well, I'm just like you. I don't have a daddy.

What about your mommy?

Well, I didn't have a mommy, either.

You didn't have a mommy?

Hey, man, it's cool.

I mean, look at Spot.

Spot doesn't have a mommy or a daddy.

He's a stray.

But he's happy.

I mean, he's a little screwed up,

but he's happy.

I'm sorry you didn't have a mommy, Gordon.

I didn't need a mommy.

If I did have one,

she'd probably comb my hair like this

and make me look foolish.

Mush! Come on!

Tigger, you made it.

It's Tiger, you moron!

You seem awfully happy to be here.

This is not a smile!

My face is frozen like this!

Now how's Agent 11?

That's not Agent 11!

Well, that's the dog they sent us.

Cassavettes.

The dog that jumped out was Agent 11.

The tags were switched.

Are you sure?

I'm positive. It had to be Sharp!

Forget it. She's long gone.

OK, Spot, let's try it again.

Listen up, Spot. I got no time for you,

and I know you don't like me, either.

Yeah, you're your own dog.

You like to hang back.

And I'm down with that,

But I'm here to talk about the kid.

You see, his mom keeps him on a very short leash.

You hear what I'm saying?

And I'd like to see the kid have some fun.

Let's go. Let's go, Spot.

Let's hook the kid up with some fun.

Let's go! Let's go have some fun!

Come on, let's go have some fun.

I'm sorry, James.

Let's just go.

You should be ashamed of yourself.

Come on.

What's he doing?

I don't know.

Why don't you try throwing it?

How about that?

Yah ha ha!

Good boy! Good boy!

Here, come on, Spot.

Come on, jump up. Come on, Spot.

Good boy!

Did you see how high he jumped?

Yeah, like 5 feet. Our boy can play!

He isn't retarded.

No, he's a smart dog.

Thanks a lot, Spot. I owe you one.

What do you say we go get him

a bone or a snack or whatever dogs eat?

Hey!

Oh, get out of here!

Do you believe these kids?

No respect.

Gino! Gino! That's our mutt.

That's our mutt!

Let's go!

All right, you go get the dog, uh,

one of those, uh, whatever he wants,

and I'm gonna ask this lady a question.

Hey, how's it going...

Heh heh! Starchild?

Starchild? Are you serious?

You can have anything you want, Spot.

What about this one?

Nah.

Hello?

What's the matter, Cat got your tongue?

Hey, where'd this mutt go?

Hey, kid, where's that dog?

Oh, oh, oh, be careful!

There's piranha in there.

You get the guns.

Oh!

Let's get that mutt.

No! I am not paying for this!

Whoa!

Aghh! Unh!

Spot?

Ohh! Ow!

Ow! Aaahhh!

Spot, are you OK?

What? "Can cause paralysis"?!

Whoa! Aah!

I'll go the other way.

Eww!

Get this thing off of me!

Help! Help!

Hey!

♪ Just stomp your feet and clap your hands ♪

♪ Come on, everybody, it's the hamster dance ♪

♪ Bounce in time to the beat ♪

♪ Hey! Yo, move it, move your feet... ♪

Hey, kid. How you doing?

Wanna help your Uncle Gino find the doggie?

Aah! Ow! Ow! Aah!

Whoa! Whoa! Help!

Help! Whoa!

Ooh! Help!

Aah! Ohh!

Whoa!

Whoa! Ow! Ow!

Aah!

You go that way!

That's it! It's over!

My legs!

Gordon, it's... it's me again.

Um, I'm just calling to check in.

Are you there?

Well, I'm sure everything's fine.

If you want to, call me on my cell phone.

OK, I'll talk to you soon. Bye.

Ohh!

Stop!

So, Seattle, huh?

Yeah.

Well, don't you worry.

We've got plenty of room for you.

We're gonna get you there.

Now, look, we're going straight through, right?

Oh, we're not stopping for nothing.

OK.

Well, there you are.

Oh, you're gonna be really comfy in there.

Oh, just don't make any fast movements.

Ew! Ugh!

What's that smell?

Hello?

Oh! Hi, Mr Zebra.

I gotta report an attempted murder.

Yo, Granger!

You're catching!

Ah, this is just perfect.

So, ahem, where did this happen?

At the pet store. There were 2 of 'em.

One was a real big guy. Looked like Pavarotti.

I'm telling you, it was a hit.

A hit? And you were the target?

Dude, not me, the dog.

The dog?

Spot was incredible.

He got the bad guys.

Yeah, it was amazing.

He just took those 2 guys out.

You know, it's weird.

I always thought he was retarded.

You know what? If you're asking me,

you're the one who is retarded.

Dude, he's not retarded. You are.

Huh. Well...

You know what I'm thinking? What?

When Stephanie comes back, I'm gonna tell her

that she shouldn't be leaving James

with a nut who gets her kid a dog while she's away.

Actually, that's not his dog at all.

That's Satan's dog.

Ha ha ha!

Let's get out of here. We don't need these idiots.

Come on, Spot.

Looks like your Agent Sharp

skipped the country.

She did not.

Sonny...

we got ahold of all

her credit card records.

She bought a one-way ticket to Belize.

She never made the airport.

And let me tell you something.

If you don't get that dog,

you're gonna make the airport,

but as part of a runway!

Oh, we're dead. We are so dead!

You know, I never saw Godfather Part 3?

I heard it wasn't as good as the first two.

I thought we'll have more time, Gino.

Arliss, Arliss, listen to me.

Take a rest. We're gonna find the dog.

Hey! Gino!

I didn't think they'd let you out of Jersey.

What are you doing here?

What do you say, Tommy?

I just got a little business to finish up.

Oh, that's good. That's good. Great.

I can't stand that clown.

He's got no respect.

Hello?

Yeah, I know who's got your dog.

My neighbour. The guy's a freak.

They got the dog. We got the dog.

The Bureau appreciates your help.

A canine agent disappeared

in this area a few days ago.

We are intent on finding that dog.

What is with the dogs all of a sudden?

Ran into this idiot in before

who said the Mafia put a contract out on his dog.

That's Agent 11.

Yeah, and? Whoa!

He's my partner, you greasy-haired reptile.

Tell me everything.

Uh...

I can't sleep.

Why not, buddy?

I had a bad dream.

About what?

Charizard was trying to burn me,

and I had to run away.

Who's Charizard?

A Pokémon.

But I thought Pikachu

was the Pokémon.

There's all different Pokémon.

And they all have different powers?

You catch on fast.

And, um, are they named after

what they sort of do?

Kind of.

OK. So, if you were a Pokémon,

you'd be Snotty-nose-atchu.

You would be...

Stinky-feet-achu.

Uhh.

And you'd be Fart-in-bed-achu.

It wasn't me.

It wasn't me, either.

Wait. If it wasn't me and it wasn't you...

Uhh! Ha ha ha!

Do you like my mom?

Yeah, yeah, I really do.

Why don't you marry her?

Well, because, you know, marriage is a big step.

I mean, you really got to get to know someone

before you do something like that.

You'd be fun for a dad.

You think so?

Thanks.

Hold it. Hold it.

I think this is the block.

Yeah, let's go.

And they lived happily ever after

'cause they won the lottery

and moved to Hawaii.

There you go.

Oh...

Don't hog all the blankets.

I am so glad this is off our plate.

Yeah, you look like you could use something

off your plate.

Have you seen any of these men?

Yeah, these two. They destroyed the pet store.

So, if there's any cost for the damages,

they should be held responsible.

You're very lucky, Mr Smith.

These men are extremely dangerous.

But you should be all right,

now that Agent 11 is with us.

11, let's go.

What?

No...

Spot's leaving?

Uh, I promised the dog to the kid.

You can't take the dog. Don't take the dog.

Look at the kid.

You can't take him.

Agent 11 is the property

of the United States Government.

But you can't take him.

Come on, James.

Spot doesn't belong to us.

He has to go back with these guys.

Here we go, boy.

He doesn't like that.

Come on, let's go.

Don't go, Spot!

No!

James, you're gonna have to eat something.

I'm not eating till Spot comes back.

Well, Spot's not coming back.

That's life. Get used to it.

James...

Hmm. Let's see...

You lost the dog.

The boy wants you dead.

There's no way you gonna get jiggy with his mama.

That makes you a single man again, brother.

Give it to me up top! Ha ha ha!

OK, leave me hanging.

OK, cool. I'll remember that.

I need you to eat.

11, eat.

So you're just gonna be stupid

and not do anything?

I am doing something. I'm moving on.

You should, too.

Listen, James, don't get attached to things.

It only ends up messing with you.

But he's our dog.

No, he's a Government official,

much like myself.

No, he's our dog, and he loves us.

You know what? You're just a kid.

You don't know anything. You're irrational.

No, you're stupid!

Aah!

Ow! Jeez! Ah!

Hello!

Gordon. Hi.

Oh, it's you.

Oh, Gordon, you're not gonna believe

what I've been through.

But I'm really close now.

You know what? Every time you call,

you got some lame excuse.

What's it this time? Dog ate your homework?

Are you OK, Gordon? Is everything all right?

And always with the questions.

All I want to know is

when are you gonna be here?!

Gordon, what happened?

You know, I will not be treated

like some irresponsible idiot.

If you ask me, you're the irresponsible one.

I mean, this is all your fault.

I'm not a dog person!

I shouldn't be watching a dog,

and I sure don't need some kid in my life.

Stop! You're taking me to my kid now!

Hey! Hey, Agent 11! He's escaped!

Agent 11!

James!

All right, truce! Come out here.

James!

James. Come on, this isn't funny.

James!

My kid! I lost my kid!

Huh?

Keep your mouth shut.

This is suicide.

How in the hell could you guys let Agent 11 escape?

You're all gonna be reprimanded.

Murdoch!

Where you going?

To find my dog.

And I know exactly where he went...

back to those two.

James, I thought you were dead.

Get in the truck.

Come on, buddy, get in the truck.

I'm gonna find Spot.

How you gonna find him?

Think you're a detective?

Why'd you run away, James?

What do you care? You don't want me.

What?

No, James, I didn't mean it like that.

Why did you say that to my mom?

You know, I... I was just scared.

Sometimes when people get upset,

it comes out all messed up.

Do you miss Spot?

Yeah, I guess I do.

You know, I'm really glad

you ended up staying at my place,

glad we became pals.

And I didn't mean what I said to your ma,

not even a little bit.

Think you could forgive me?

It's OK, Gordon. I'm glad we're friends.

Me, too.

Ho! Ho!

There they are! Back it up!

Oh, no, it's those guys!

Come on!

Get back there! Hold on!

Aah!

James, you OK? Yeah!

Throw those boxes at 'em.

Aah!

Dive bomb! Depth charge!

Watch it!

I got it. I got it!

Aah!

Aah!

This mailman's gonna lose his job.

Where'd they go?

Whoa!

Aaaah!

James, are you OK?

Look what I found.

Wow, good idea. Come on!

Police!

Police! Help! 911!

Help! Help!

James...

Ooh. That's gotta hurt.

Hurry, James!

Hey, get over here! Give me the dog!

Where's the dog?! Get over here!

Aah! Uhh!

Aah!

Gino! Help me! Come on, Gino!

James, catch!

OK!

Aaah!

Oh!

Come on! Get off!

Aaaah!

Help!

Run!

I figured I'd save you from callin' a cop.

We got one here. Sit down over there.

And, you, shut up.

Where is that mutt?

I thought he was with the FBI.

He escaped... to be with you.

How touching. I'm all choked up.

Could one of youse loan me a handkerchief

while we wait for the mutt?

Gino! Uhh!

Somebody help me! Get off of me! Aah!

Aah!

All right...

Come here, you.

That's it.

Mr Talia, what are you doin' here?

I took a wild guess, and I figured

you two baboons would screw it up.

Sit down, the both of youse.

Sonny, the dog...

it wasn't our fault.

No? The only thing I don't know

is if it's worth the bullets for the two of youse.

I gotta ask my accountant, afterwards.

Uh, excuse me, Mr Mob Boss guy.

I wouldn't make any sudden moves if I were you.

Oh, you wouldn't, you little punk? Why not?

'cause I don't think Spot would like that.

And who is Spot?

Spot!

Come on.

Come on.

11, the gun!

You take it, Gino.

Whoa!

Ooh.

Aah!

Spot! 11!

Kick 'em, James!

Run, James! Run!

Aah! No! Not again!

Oh, no, not again.

Hey, Spot!

You're the greatest, Spot.

Hey, what do you got there, boy?

Ooh.

Ooh.

All right, get up!

Scratchy, scratchy, good dog! Ha ha ha!

Agent 11... come on.

The dog's name's Spot. He's staying with us.

Open up your eyes, man.

This dog's got a lot going on inside.

He just wants to be a dog, with a family.

and it's beend really rough on him.

The FBI is his family.

The FBI's not a family. It's a job.

I mean, come on,

he's got a chance to be happy now,

with people that care about him,

who want to give him a home.

Now, I'm not gonna let you mess that up.

I think it's time that Spot decides what he wants.

I can't ask him. He's a dog.

Well, let's just see. Let's see what he wants.

All right! Good boy, Spot.

Yeah! Good Spot!

What? What is it?

What do you want, boy?

What is it, boy?

I'll miss you, too.

Yeah.

Thanks for the ride.

Benny! Benny, what happened?

Ah, you know, I don't believe anybody's dead.

But, you know, Gordon and James,

they took down a mob boss

and his henchmen and...

Oh, damn, Gordon gonna need some help.

We're gonna need a SWAT team, man.

Then you hit the guy in the head

with the meatballs?

That was funny.

Mom!

What's going on?!

Oh!

Oh, my God.

Stephanie, you look great.

We had the greatest time.

Gordon had me under his arm,

and there were 2 bad guys with guns were chasing us,

there were dogs everywhere,

and this is Spot, the dog Gordon gave me.

Um... you look like you had a hard trip.

Maybe we should talk about this later?

If you ever come within 50 feet of my son,

I'll call the police.

Well, Stephanie, I live 25 feet away.

Those came in very handy.

Um, I can explain...

Come on.

Hey, there, music man.

I'm gonna catch you in the yard.

We're gonna settle this man to man.

Hey.

Hey, what's up, G?

Yo, what's up, man?

You know what, man?

He's not such a bad dog after all.

Nah, he's a good dog.

Ha ha ha!

Ahh...

You really dug Stephanie, didn't you?

Yeah.

Now she just sees you as unreliable, immature,

irresponsible, fly-by-night,

bad kid-watching dude. Mm.

You want a hug, man?

Nah, Benny, I'd rather not.

You know, I'm gonna just take the dog

to the park.

But thanks, man.

All right, man. Go and walk your dog.

Go on. See you later.

Do you like it? There you go, thanks...

Hey!

Spot!

I'm sorry!

What? What's this?

Gordon!

Whoa! Hey!

What's up, buddy?

You trying to jump me?

Hey. Hi.

Hey, Spot. Yay, Spot!

So, you two turning to a life of crime now?

Oh... here. Thanks.

So, you're a hero now.

James keeps telling me how you and Spot

saved him from the bad guys.

I actually thought he was exaggerating

because he likes you so much.

No, no, it's really true.

He's an FBI agent.

I actually checked it out.

And, uh, it sounds like you probably

saved James' life, too. Thank you.

Listen, I, um...

I think maybe I might've jumped

to conclusions about you,

and, um, I was wondering if maybe you wanted

to give it another shot.

It? You mean... us?

Yeah. The two of us.

Well, if you make it the three of us, I'm in.

Yeah.

OK!

Oh, 4 of us. Sorry.

Come on.

♪ For once in my life ♪

♪ I have someone who needs me ♪

♪ Someone I've needed so long ♪

♪ For once unafraid ♪

♪ I can go where life leads me ♪

♪ Somehow I know I'll be strong ♪

♪ For once, I can say ♪

♪ This is mine, you can't take it ♪

♪ Long as I know I have love ♪

♪ I can make it ♪

♪ For once in my life ♪

♪ I have someone who needs me ♪

♪ Someone who needs me ♪

♪ Hey, hey, yeah ♪

♪ Someone who needs me ♪

♪ For once in my life ♪

♪ Someone who needs me ♪

♪ Yeah, somebody that needs me ♪

♪ Someone who needs me ♪

♪ For once in my life... ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ I believe in you ♪

♪ This is real for me ♪

♪ What I feel for you ♪

♪ It comes so naturally ♪

♪ At first I was afraid ♪

♪ Couldn't fight the fight ♪

♪ Couldn't keep the light on ♪

♪ With any other love ♪

♪ Oh, love ♪

♪ Oh, love ♪

♪ Now I'm ready for the world ♪

♪ No matter what it brings ♪

♪ I can feel all my dreams coming true ♪

♪ As long as you're loving me ♪

♪ As long as you're loving me ♪

♪ I can move mountains ♪

♪ I can part seas ♪

♪ My heart will be open for eternity ♪

♪ As long as you're loving me ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ This is what feels good ♪

♪ This is what feels right ♪

♪ From the moment I wake up ♪

♪ Until we say good night ♪

♪ And I'm stronger than I was ♪

♪ I've reached out and I've touched ♪

♪ It's easier to lie down ♪

♪ With you on my side ♪

♪ On my side ♪

♪ Now I'm ready for the world ♪

♪ No matter what it brings ♪

♪ I can feel all my dreams coming true ♪

♪ Whoa ♪

♪ As long as you're loving me ♪

♪ As long as you're loving me ♪

♪ As long as you're loving me ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ As long as you're loving me ♪

♪ As long as you're loving me... ♪