All language subtitles for Only.The.Lonely.1991.720p.WEBRip.x264.AAC-[YTS.MX].ENG

Dum dum dum dum doo wa

ooh, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah

whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa

only the lonely

only the lonely

only the lonely

dum dum dum
dum doo wa

know the way
I feel tonight

ooh, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah

only the lonely

dum dum dum
dum doo wa

know this feeling
ain't right

there goes my baby

there goes my heart

they're gone forever

so far apart

but only the lonely

know why

I cry

only the lonely

dum dum dum
dum doo wa

how you doing, frank?

Morning, Danny.
It's a gorgeous day.

Isn't it?

Thank you.

How are you, Clark?

Good morning
there, Danny.

There you go.

Thank you.

Only the lonely

dum dum dum
dum doo wa

morning, Danny.

Know the heartaches
I've been through

how's it going,
John, Marty?

Only the lonely

hi.
Morning.

Know I cry,
cry for you

oh, Danny. Wait.

Here, wait,
wait, wait.

How you doing, Nick?

Fine.

Give this
to your mother.

Thanks.

But that's the chance

you gotta take

if your lonely
heart breaks

only the lonely

Good morning, Danny.
Morning, ma.

I told you not to hang
your coat on the banister.

It ruins the shape.

Sorry.

Did you get
my paper?

Mm-hmm.
Thanks.

My lotto ticket?

Mm-hmm.

What's this?

From Nick.

Give it back.

Why? Come on, ma.
Nick's a good guy.

Typical Greek.

I know what
he's up to.

If I accept it,
he'll think I'm easy.

I don't want
to know this.

What's that?

Prime rib.

When did you
start eating yogurt?

Where's your Danish?

I'm trying to cut back.

You, cut back?

My pants are getting
a little tight,

so I thought
I'd give this a try.

Well, you can't
expect to fit
into boys' sizes.

You're not
a boy anymore.

I'm 38 years old, ma.

I haven't been
a boy for 20 years.

My son, the anorexic.

Aw, damn. Fisk
isn't going to play.

You going to the game?

Yeah, tomorrow.
Sal and me.

Boston's in town.
Clemens is pitching.
Should be a great game.

But tomorrow's
Wednesday.

Yeah.

And Wednesday
we go to bingo.

Couldn't we skip it
this week, ma?

Skip it, Danny?

I can't skip bingo.
I love it.

I haven't
skipped bingo
in 25 years.

Look, i--I'd cancel,

it's just, you know,

sal got these tickets
over three months ago.

Ok. I'll go myself.

Just be careful.

There's a lot of construction
around the church,

and I don't want you
slipping and falling.

I will.

Your eyes aren't
so good anymore.

Don't start that.

My eyes are perfect.

Then why are you
pouring orange juice
in your coffee?

Damn cartons.

They're all
decorated the same.

Ah!

Aah!

Oh, Danny.

I hope you enjoyed
your baseball game.

Uhma,

look, I'll--I'll
skip the game.

We'll go to bingo.

Oh, no, no.
That's all right.

You go ahead.
Enjoy yourself.

No. No, I can go
to a game anytime, ma.

Bingo only comes
once a week.

Thank you, Danny.

Ah, it's ok.

Are you going
to eat that?

No. You want it?

Yeah. I'll start
my diet tomorrow.

That's sissy food
anyway.

True.

Very true.

The district court
of Salvatore buonarte
and Danny muldoon

is now in session.

All rise.

What's the accused
charged with?

Uh, name's
Dwayne Earl Tyrone.

Apparently he ran
this piece-of-shit
apartment housing

down on
the south side.

Mostly senior
citizens, right?

Well, he'd take
their monthly checks,
cash them,

and strangle them
to death.

Aw, gee.

How come guys
like that do that?

Chemical imbalance
or something, you know.

Yeah?

I read that somewhere.

You mean it's kind
of a vitamin thing?

Yeah. It's
a deficiency of some
sort, like rickets.

Yeah? You take
vitamins, Tyrone?

Nah.

I'm going to start
taking vitamins.

Yeah, me, too.

Sohow's the wife?

Ooh.

She cut me off, Danny.

For how long?

She says until I seek
professional help.

For what?

She thinks i'm
getting weird in bed.

Are you?

Wellwe been
doing it the same way

for the past
10 years, Danny.

Once a week,
every Saturday night,

right after
the 9:00 sports, right?

Same position,
seven minutes of foreplay,

12 minutes of sex,
and we keep our
pajama tops on.

Well, I'm getting
bored out of my skull.
Right, Danny?

So I says to her,
you know,

why don't we add
a little spice?

You know,
go state of the art.

State of the art?

Well, yeah,
state of the art.

You know, now it's
the computer age, right?

Electronics and stuff.

So I figure I'll go to
the mature shop, right?

Pick up something.

I bought me
one of these

these big digital
marriage counselors, right?

What's that?

It's a big, you know

it's like, uh

it's a love enhancer.
It's like a device.

All right. So I bring this

into the bedroom
on Saturday night.

I pull it out.
I put it on her pillow.

You know,
a little surprise.

Surprised the shit
out of her.

She freaks.
She tries to kill it.

She thinks it's
a giant centipede.

You're kidding.

So I been on the couch
ever since.

Oh, I'm sorry
to hear about that.

I envy you, though.
Me?

Yeah. You don't
have to put up

with this bullshit
and heartache, you know?

You can jump in the sack
with any chick you want.

If she don't
like your habits,

you're on
to the next one.

Well, it's been
a little slow lately.

You know, that's
the most infuriating
thing about you--

you don't take advantage
of your god-given
position in life.

When's the last time
you were on a date?

Two, three months ago.

Nine. Try nine, Danny.
Hey, who's counting?

When's the last time
you got laid?

Sal.
Come on, when?

It's been so long,
you don't even
remember, do you?

Hey, I remember.

So, when?

That's personal.

Oh, yeah? Why don't we try
five years personal, Danny?

Why don't you shut up

and mind your own
business, all right?

Ok.

Good night, son.

Good night, mom.

15, hut!

Go on. Turn!

Ooh.

You know, coach
says he's a natural.

At what?

At wide receiver.

Maybe if he put
some weight on.

He could be a jockey.

I'm kidding.

Or a guard
or a tackle, maybe.

Same thing.

Right, right, right.

On 1--set, 35-hut!

Go, go, go,
go, go.

Ok, Billy, Billy,
Billy. Right there.

Catch the ball, Billy.

I hate this game.

Billy.

Billy, would you
come back and practice?

What does he have
to practice for?

He's a natural.

Let's get a beer.

How's work?

It's fine.

Aren't you
getting tired of it?

No, no. Sal and I,
we have a lot of laughs.

Still, Danny, you've
been driving that wagon

for what, 15 years?

Picking up stiffs,
hauling away criminals.

You deserve better.

I don't want better.

Look, I am this close

to John Burrows,
your superintendent.

Now, we play golf
every Sunday.

Just say the word,
and I could get you
transferred to Florida.

Nah. I don't want to go.

Come on, Danny.

You and mom can get
that waterfront condo

that you've been
talking about.

I don't want
to go to Florida.

I'm not ready
to retire yet, ok?

Ok.

Just say the word.

Fine. Thank you.

Well, it gives
Patrick headaches.

Well, he never
had headaches when
he lived with me.

So how's mom?

She looks tired.

She needs a change,
you know?

Different environment.

Susan and I would
take her for a while.

You would?

Yeah, but she'd
hate it here.

Maybe not.

I just think she's happier
in her own house.

You know,
where we grew up,

where she and dad lived,

where she knew everybody.

And where I can
take care of her, right?

Well, yeah.
That, too. So what?

I mean, you make
her happy, Dan.

You're her favorite son.

Aw, come on.
Don't pull that.

Plus you get
your meals cooked,
your laundry done,

and your bed made.
Believe me,

you'll never find a wife
who'll do all that.

You're a good
lawyer, Patrick.

A very good lawyer.

You know, maybe a gymnast.

Aah!

Good evening, Clark.

Ah, evening, Rose.
Evening, Danny.

Ah, two more
thirsty mouths.

The usual, is it?

What do you suppose?

What's the score?

Boston's winning by 3.

Aw, gee.

You didn't miss much.

Push, push

push

tooraloo

tooralee

46 miles from bangore

to daingean

three doubles.

I'm sorry, boys,
but I can't
be serving you.

Why?

You've already had
a bit too much,

and your friend
there's fluthered.

Fluthered?
Yeah.

It's parched, he is.

He hasn't wet his lips
in 24 hours.

Frank, don't you recognize
your old pal here?

Holy mother of god.

It's Tommy bones.

So?

He died yesterday.

Get him out of here.

We can explain.

Larry, explain.

One August,
back in '58,

me and Jack here,

we made a promise
to Tommy.

We swore we'd
bring him back
to O'Neill's

the night
before his wake

for one last Jameson.

Yeah,
for his journey.

It's a sacred duty, then?

Oh, yes.
Oh, it is. It is.

Let it never be said

that an O'Neill broke
a promise to the dead.

Three doubles it is.

And if he drinks it,

it's on the house.

Graverobbers.

All right.
Give him back.

After he's had a drink.

No, right now.

When he's had
a drink.

Look, I could have
you two arrested.

You know, you can't
walk into a funeral home,

take a corpse, and
bring it to a tavern.

What's the matter
with you, for god's--

all right.
What's going on here?

Officer,
these two idiots

snuck into
my funeral home
and took the body

while my daughter
Theresa was on
her coffee break.

All right. Here's what
we're going to do.

You two are going
to take him back.

That is,
unless you decide
to press charges.

No, no. I don't want
to press charges.

Ok, fine.
Take the body back.
He can't drink anyway.

What did you do,
sew his lips shut?

All right. That's
enough out of you.

All right? I want you to take
him back, understand?

Then the both of you
go home.

Don't break him.

Easy does it
through there.

All right.

So that was Joey Luna, huh?
Yeah.

He's got the parlor over
there on Morgan street?

That's right.

I guess that
was his daughter.

She works for him.

Oh, yeah? Doing what?

Painting faces.

Dead faces?

Yeah. She couldn't
get a job

right out
of cosmetics school.

Is she married?

No. You know how it is.

The business she's in
turns most guys off.

Oh, it would. Yeah.

Why? Are you
interested?

Oh, no. No, no. I'm just
curious, that's all.

You know, I

if you are, go for it.
Don't waste your time.

Ask the girl out.

Why should he?

He's perfectly
happy now.

Why screw
things up?

Don't listen
to him, Danny boy.

Don't end up bachelors
like the two of us.

Speak for yourself.

Danny's doing fine.

He doesn't have
to go chasing some ghoul

from a funeral parlor
for a date.

He can do
better than that.

He doesn't have time
to do better.

All the good ones
will be taken.

The girls should
be chasing him.

I don't believe this.

I'm getting romantic
advice from a widow

and two bachelors.

One very experienced
bachelor.

Celibacy is considered
experience?

Oh, I've had
me share of women.
Three.

Just never been
stupid enough
to marry them.

You never been
fortunate enough.

They all said no.

If I'd have
gotten married,

I wouldn't be
where I am now.

In a tavern?

Free, living
like a king.

You live at the y.

I don't have
to answer to anyone.

I come and go
as I please.

I do what I want
when I want.

Don't listen to him,
Danny boy.

Call that girl.

Don't spend your life
full of regrets.

Be seeing me.

I'll be
seeing you, too.

Every day
and every night
and every minute

could have been

it can't be.

Goodbye, fountain

and god bless you.

Goodbye, Blake.

Goodbye, Dan.

You missed a spot.

I'm--it was
just a joke.

I'm s--i didn't mean
to scare you.

No one is allowed
back here.

Sorry. I, um

is there a problem?

No. No problem at all.

I--actually, uh

I saw you
at O'Neill's
the other night,

and, uh

well

i--i, um

ohh

don't you just
hate all that
awkward stuff

that, uh, goes with
asking someone out

on a date
for the first time?

I'll make it easy
for you.

I'll give you a list
of possible excuses,

things I've heard
a million times
before.

All you have to do
is say yes or no.

That way, it takes
the pressure off
both of us.

Make sense to you?

Yeah.

Good. Ok, uh,
here we go.

Reasons why you
can't go out with me
on Saturday--

you're seeing
somebody else.

No.

You're having your
wisdom teeth pulled.

No.

You're washing
your hair.

No.

You're going
shopping.

You have to babysit
for your, uh,

neighbor's kids,
nieces, or nephews.

No.

You're doing
the laundry.

No.

You have to
lube your car?

No.

You're getting
your legs waxed.

No.

I think that just about
covers everything.

You forgot one thing.

What's that?

If somebody dies,

I'm stuck here.

Oh, sure. Of course.

Yeah, that-yeah,
that--i-yeah, sure.

But nobody died yet.

So you're, uh
you're free?

Uh-huh.

Oh
that's terrific.

Great. Thanks. Ok.

That's--
that's wonderful.

Thank you.

Um, how about 7:00
I'll pick you up?

Uh
where do you live?

Here.

With the stiffs?

My father and I
have an apartment
upstairs.

Oh, sure.
Of course.

That's--that's, uh,
convenient.

Yeah,

it would be.

So 7:00, then.

If nobody dies.

If nobody dies.
Of course.

7:00.

Did youmean him
to look like, uh
Clark gable?

Yeah.

You did that?

Yeah.

Wow.
That's very good.

That's a talent.

Yeahyeah,
that's terrific.

He's a--
he's a dead ringer.

I didn't mean dead
like that.

I don't mean
dead like that dead.

I'm sorry.
I didn't mean--

you know
what I meant.

In fairness to--

I'll see you
at 7:00.

Ok.
Great. Great.

I'll, uh, close up
here for you.

I'll get these.
I'm sorry

if I bothered you.

Don't screw this one up,
Theresa.

Yeah!

I'm sorry.

See, I just got lucky
in there with a girl.

I didn't mean it
like that.

It's not
what you're thinking.

She does everybody
in there.

Notin that way.

But she probably did
that guy there, for example.

I got to go.

Can you believe
that guy?

Hello, Marty.
Hello, John.

Rose.

Rose.

I'm trying again.

Will you
please accept
these flowers?

I don't want them,

and I don't date Greeks.

You know,
you and I could make
each other so happy.

Oh, forget it.

Greek men
are great lovers.

And Greek men never bathe.

I bathe twice a day,

three times when
I do my sit-ups.

Feel that stomach.

Hard
like a 18-year-old.

Go on, feel it.

I'm not feeling
anything of yours.

Rose,
you have forgotten

what a sweet thing
romance can be.

Come to my bed.

You will never leave.

Have a little respect.

You're speaking
to a lady.

I apologize.
I spoke my heart

and not my head.

A beautiful woman
like you

has that effect
on me.

Oh. Oh, Danny.

Where are you going
all dressed up?

I've, uh, ahem,
got a date, sort of.

Oh

that's your father's jacket.

It fits pretty good,
doesn't it?

And your tie--
just like your father.

You always make
the knot too big.

Let's see. There now.

Oh, Danny,

give these
to your girl.

Women
love flowers.

Some of them.

Thanks.

I got to go.

Oh, he's got a girl.

He's lucky.

I hope you don't mind
coming here.

I wanted to bring you
somewhere special
on our first date.

Danny!

Want me to turn
the scoreboard lights on?

You want to
see the scoreboard?
It's really something.

Yeah.

Go for it, Leo!

Ok!

Oh, that's great.

Whoa!

Pretty, huh?

Thanks, Leo!

No problem, Danny.

It's a shame
they're going to tear
the whole place down.

Leo, he's been
around here as--

jeez, as long
as I can remember.

Great guy.

He lets me in
any time I want.

Sometimes it's good
to be a cop.

Oh, yeah.

My brother, uh, had
his bachelor party here.

Oh, ho.

It was great.

We played baseball
all night.

We had half barrels
on each of the bases,
you know,

so every time
a guy got a hit
and you got on base,

you had to
chug a pint.

So all night, it was
hit, drink, hit, drink,
hit, drink--

all night long,
it went like that.

In the morning, ok?

The sox came out--
they got a day game--

they came out here,

20 drunken irishmen
all over the infield.

It was a mess.

Guys were throwing up
oh, god

that was funny.

That's the wrong story
to tell you.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean
to bring that one up.

That's a bad story
to tell on a first date.

That's not--
that's not a good story.

I'm sorry. That's a--
that's a bad story.

It was funny,
but that's not
a good one to tell you.

I'm sorry about that.

I've been Mr. Motor mouth
all night long, you know?

And, uh
gee, I'm sorry.

Why don't you take
the floor for a while?

Me?

Yeah.

You don't want
to hear about me.

Yes, I do.

It's boring.

No. Come on.

Like what?

Like anything.
I don't know.

Like, um

what your favorite
color is, uh

what you're going to
do with your life,

uh, what, uh--
how many brothers
and sisters you got.

I don't care, really.
Anything.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean
to put you on the spot.

Light blue.

Sorry?

My favorite color
is light blue.

That's a very nice color.

Light blue.

Yeah.

That's terrific.

Boy, it's a shame

they're going to
tear this all down.

Was everything ok
with dinner?

It was fine.

You didn't eat much.

It was very good.

Thanks.

The chicken was a little
greasy, wasn't it?

No.

It's not too late.

Do you want to go out
for a drink or something?

Watch yourself there.

No, I

I have to work
in the morning.

Somebody die?

Two people.

Big day, huh?

Yeah.

Well

good night.

Good night.

Good night.

Danny.

Yeah?

Is everything ok?

You all right?

I had a wonderful
time tonight.

You did?

I know it seemed
like I didn't.

It seemed like
you wanted to be
on another planet.

I didn't.

Look, I know I talk
too much sometimes.

I apologize
for that.

No. It's not you.

It's me.

You?

I have thisthing.

What thing?

I have this

introverted
kind of thing.

Introverted?
That just means
you're shy.

No.

No, it's worse than shy.

I guess it doesn't help
spending eight hours a day

with people who don't
talk back to you.

No, I guess not.

But

I'm trying
to get past it,

to beat it

and it isn't easy,
but if you could
just bear with me

and maybe give me
one more chance,

I think I'm going to get
a lot better because

I'm feeling

very comfortable
around you,

and I would really like
to go out with you again,

if you wouldyou know,

like to go out
with me again.

I'd love to
see you again.

Yeah?

What are you, nuts?

I didn't mean that.

Yeah?

That's good. That's great.

Yeah.

That is great.

There's
a waterway terrace.

It's 20 miles
from St. Pete.

Is that you,
Danny?

Yeah, mom.

How was your date?

It was nice.
Very nice.

Did you spend all evening
talking about dead bodies?

No, we didn't
talk shop.

What are you
doing here so late?

Susan kick you
out of the house?

He's got a surprise
for you.

Oh, yeah?
What's that?

You're moving
to Florida.

I'm what?

You and mom.

You're moving
to St. Pete.

I played 18
with Burrows yesterday.

He agreed to move you
to a Florida precinct.

But why?

Why now?

Well, I needed
an investment.

You know, I was thinking
about our talk,

and, Danny, you're
absolutely right--

mom needs
a change of pace.

Yeah, but
what about me?

Maybe I'm not
ready to leave
Chicago.

Well, you'll want to leave
Chicago eventually anyway,

so what difference
does it make

if it's a couple
of years earlier?

Why wouldn't you
talk to me first?

Well, I wanted
to surprise you.

It's a surprise,
all right.

So is being hit
by a bus.

Now be polite.

This is costing Patrick
a lot of money.

Look, I don't want to
rain on your parade,

but I'd like to be
included in a decision

that's going to affect
the rest of my life.

Hey, Danny,

this is going to be
great for all of us.

Yeah. Well,
you're not the one
that's moving.

Would you
think about ma?

All her relatives
live down there.

I mean, think about how
happy she's going to be.

You don't have to
worry about her
slipping on the ice

and breaking her hip

or catching
pneumonia from that
winter draft upstairs.

Yeah.

Or walking into
the side of a cab

because she's too damn stubborn
to buy a pair of glasses.

You're right.

Danny, you should've seen
her face when I told her.

Really?

I mean, 20 years
justmelted away.

Where's the stinker?

Apartment 603.

But the elevator's
broken,

so you're going to
have to carry the body

down the stairs.

Son of a bitch.

Ah, wagon men.
You couldn't pay me enough.

So, you get laid,
or what?

No, no.
It was just a date.

What's her name?

Theresa.

Theresa.

The lovely Theresa.

Will you stop that?

So, uh, was she good
in the sack, or what?

Will you drop it,
please?

Speaking of which

oh, my back.

Ah, god damn elevator.

I'm not
carrying this guy
down six flights,

I'll tell you that
right now.

What do you want to do,
roll him down the stairs?

Just a second.

Check it out, man.

Hey.

Hey, sal.
Yeah.

About the football
game.

Oh, yeah. I'm really
excited, man.

50-yard line
seats.

They're playing
the packers.

We'll be able to nab

some good autographs
from the sidelines.

Yeah, uh
I can't go.

What? Well, it's not
bingo night, is it?

No. I promised Theresa

I'd take her
to the ballet.

The ballet, huh?

Pussy-whipped.

Pardon?

Hey, look, I could
give two shits

about the game,
Danny.

It's you
I'm worried about.

Me?

Yeah. Hey, don't
go getting serious

and falling for this
chick, all right?

Why? Is something
wrong with that?

Well, you know,

you got to leave
your options open,
Danny. That's all.

I mean, lady-wise,

you've broken the
dry spell, right?

So maybe you're on
a roll, that's all.

You know, ask out some
of the other babes.

Sample some of
the other flavors.

I mean, that's
what I would do,

you know
what I mean?

Otherwise, uh,

you're going
to get trapped.

Believe me,

it's miserable.

Huh?

Ok. We got it.

All right.

Aw, shit!
Aw, shit!

What do we do now?

I guess we have to
bring him back up.

I ain't bringing him
back up here.

He's too damn heavy.

Well, what do you
suggest we do?

Cut the hose.

Cut the hose?

Yeah. Let him fall.

To the ground?
Yeah.

A fall like that
could kill a guy.

He's dead,
for Christ's sake.

He's not going
to feel nothing.

I don't think it's
such a bright idea.

Why not?

Well, for one thing,

look at the crowd
down there.

Ah,
maybe you're right.

Let's just
bring him up.

Ugh!
Ooh!

Get back.

Aw, shit!
Aw, shit!

Sometimes
it is not good

to be a cop.

How lucky
can one guy be

how much is it?

Uh, that's $790 plus tax.

I'll, uh--ahem.
I'll take it.

Oh, good.

Is there a--
a layaway plan?

Ah, yes, sir.

Good.

Of course, the suit
has to stay here.

Oh, sure.
I knew that.

I don't suppose

you could
rent the suit?

No, sir.
Not at this store.

I was joking.
I knew that.

Yes.

Yeah, no.
I'll--I'll take it.

I like it
very much.

Nice lines to it.

Oh, it looks very
nice on you, sir.

Not too flashy, huh?

No, no. It's
very conservative.

Yeah. That's me.
I'm a--

I'm very
conservative myself,

so I would naturally
go, you know,

for a more
conservative look.

Yeah. Looks much
like a banker.

Really?

Banker.

Yeah.

Hello.

How much would
you like today?

$790.

Go ahead.

Don't forget
to say thank you.

All right.

Let's get as much
as we can.

Coming.

Trick or treat.
Trick or treat.

Tell your parents

these are
from Rose muldoon,

cooked in
her own kitchen.

Ok. Thank you.
Ok. Thank you.

Bye-bye.

Where are you going
all dressed up?

I'm going on a date.

Since when?

Since last week,
when I told you.

You did not.

I did, too.

I told you
this Saturday night,

I'm taking Theresa
to the ballet.

Oh, I would have
remembered.

And who's going
to help me

hand out
the apples now?

Oh, come on, ma.
You can do it.

We only
get about 50
trick-or-treaters.

You think I'm going
to that door alone?

What if it's
a crack maniac

dressed up
as Frankenstein

or a rapist dressed up
like Elmer Fudd?

Well, I tell you
what you do, ma.

You peek
out the window,

and if Elmer Fudd's
over 4 feet tall,

you don't
let him in.

Oh

we always gave out
the apples together

on Halloween.

You must have
some sort of affection

for this girl.

New suit, ballet.

Fancy-schmancy.

Theresa
happens to be

a very nice
girl, ma.

Is she Irish?

No. No, she's not.

She's

she's Italian.

A Guinea?

Oh, ma.

Oh, at least tell me

she's not
a sicilian, please.

She is sicilian, ma.

Black death.

Oh, Jesus, Mary,
and Joseph.

How many times
have I told you

to keep away
from those sicilians?

They'll cut
your stomach out

if they think you've
swallowed a penny.

I got to get
out of here.

And who started
the cosa nostra?

The sicilians.

Who invented
prostitution,
drugs, gambling?

The sicilians.

My father used to
always say--

I know. I know.

I'd rather spend
eternity in hell

than shake hands
with a sicilian.

Well, see to it
you remember that
tonight.

I will.

I got to go.

Have a happy
Halloween, ma.

You, too.

There'll be a lot
of pretty Irish girls

in Florida.

Sometimes it's
good to be a cop.

Yeah.

Hold on.

Ah, look at that.

What a darling
little costume.

Aren't we scary?

Trick or treat.

Now shut up
and get inside!

You--you crack maniac.

If my son were here,
he'd shoot you.

Shoot you dead!

Does your mother know

what you're doing
for a living?

Aah!

Oh, Danny,

I hope your
fancy-schmancy ballet

was worth it.

I'll be right back.

Sorry.

Is everything ok?

Yeah. I just had to
check on my mom.

Oh.

I been searchin'
a long time

for someone
exactly like you

I been travelin'
all around the world

waitin' for you
to come through

I'd like to do makeup
for Broadway.

Really?

Maybe give New York
a shot.

Why not, you know?

If you think about it,

what I do every day
is like the theater.

I mean, you've got
this person on display

in front of everybody,

and you've got to
make them look good.

Course.

That's why, when
somebody dies, right,

the first thing
I do is figure out

what famous celebrity
they look like,

and then I fix up
the dead person

to look just like them.

That's a talent.

It's good practice.

I haven't had any complaints
from the relatives

so far.

Marching to the beat
of a different drum

but then lately
I have realized

maybe the best
is yet to come

someone like you

make it all worthwhile

someone like you

keep me satisfied

someone exactly like you

someone exactly like you

someone exactly like you

the best is yet to come

the best is yet to come

this is a plan
to get me out of the house.

I don't like it.

I don't like being used.

You're not being used.

Patrick and Susan
just want to spend

some time alone
with you, that's all.

And you want to spend
some time alone

with this girl.

I just want to have
a nice dinner with her.

Well, any silverware
she uses,

wash it twice.

Heavy on
the rinse cycle.

Those sicilian germs

stick to your forks
like glue.

Why don't you take
her out to dinner?

Because
I want to cook.

If she eats
your cooking,

it'll be
a short romance.

Well, I learned
from the best.

Kidding.
I'm kidding.

Nick the Greek
asked me for a date.

Oh, yeah?
You going to go?

Well, I told him
I'd consider it

if he did something
for me.

Yeah, like what?

Watch this house.

Watch this house?
Why?

Let me know
when that girl leaves.

If she's not
out of here by 1:00,

Nick will tell me.

What?

Why would you do that?

I guard the most
dangerous criminals
in Chicago.

I think I can look
after my own life.

There are bars

between you
and those prisoners.

Nick, don't forget.

Hi, ma.
Hi.

Good luck,
Danny.

Thanks.

Nick, how could you
do this to me?

I'm a lonely man,
Danny,

in love
with a woman who

despises me.

I'm--I'm desperate.

But don't worry.

I won't let
my heartache

interfere with your
chances for romance.

As far
as I'm concerned,

that girl will
leave this house

this evening
at 11:35 P.M.

On the button.

I owe you, Nick.

Ow! Jeez!

Ow! Aah!

Ow!

A little bit more.

There we go.

Aw, son of a bitch!

Hi.

Hi.

The door was open,

so I thought
I'd just come in.

Good. Sure. Yeah.

Is everything ok?

Actually, uhno.

I just destroyed
dinner.

Ma usually does
the cooking.

I'm not really
that hungry anyway.

Really?

Good.

Very good.

And this, of course,
is my room.

Hey, I got to really
decorate it up.

It's starting
to look like

an old elks lodge.

It's nice.

Oh, what is this?

I guess
the maid left it.

Oh.

You were planning this.

No. I--i--i wasn't
planning anything.

You know, i--i
didn't expect you

to just come in
here and, you know,

and jump in--i--no.

No. I--i didn't
mean that.

I meant a little bit
I was planning.

Just--but just
a little bit.
I--you know,

just this far.

It's ok.

I told my father

I was going to
spend the night

at my girlfriend's
house.

Really?

Yeah.

Hey, that's great.

What is it?

Oh, uh, it's silly,
you know. Really.

It's--what it is,

it's just--it's
catholic guilt,

is what it is.

It's exactly
what it is.

Sorry.

Now, you were saying
something about--

mmm.
I understand this.

Morning!
Time to wake up.

Come on.
Rise and shine.

It's breakfast.

You made me breakfast?

Well, sort of. Yeah.

It's a little
burnt toast

and lumpy tea.
Oh.

Well, it's, you know,
the tea bag burst,

and I think there's
a lot of seeds

and twigs
and things in there.

It's so sweet.

Yeah, well,
I wouldn't eat it.

I don't know.

Oh. What time
did that girl leave?

11:35 P.M.
on the button.

Hey, hey.

We have a date, huh?

I'm busy this week.

Talk to me next week.

Rose. Hey, Rose.

A promise
is a promise.

Hey, you, uh--

damn women.

Danny.

Oh, my god.
It's my ma.

Come on. Hurry up.

Come on, come on,
come on, come on.

Let's go! Come on!
Where am I going to go?

You got to hide,
hide, hide, hide.
Where?

No, not here!

Over there, over there,
over there.

Where?

Just wait there.
Don't say anything.

Danny?

My clothes.

Clothes.
Yeah, clothes.

What is she
doing home now?

Danny, I'm home.

Ah, ma!

What are you doing
home so early?

Well, I took
the early train

before anybody
was awake.

Oh, good.

Aah!

What's that for?

Keeping
your promise.

Nick said you had
that dago girl

out of here at
11:35 on the button.

Oh, yeah. I almost--
almost forgot that.

Well, I'll go to
my room and unpack my bags.

Ok. Why don't you
do that?

What's this?

It's ahat.

It's a hat.

Sacrilegious.

Wait! I'll do it.
I'll do that.

Don't do that
when I can do that,

when I could have
done that.

What on earth is
the matter with you?

Nothing.

Nothing.

Didn't you sleep well?

Yes. No!
No, I didn't.

Well, we better get you
a new mattress.

Oh, good idea.
A very good idea.

Yeah. That's what
we have to do.

Ok. Come on.
Hurry up.

Will you hurry?
Ju-just--

I'm hurrying.

Oh

I'm 38 years old.

I don't need this.

I'm getting
chest pains.

Hurry up, will you?

So that was
your mother, huh?

Yeah, that was her.
What do you think?

Dago girl?

Ooh, that. She's got
a very eccentric
vocabulary.

Had she known you
were in the room,

she never would've
said it, believe me.

You look very nice,
by the way.

Hello.

I'll be down
in a minute

and make you
some breakfast.

Aw, that'll be nice.

Yeah. A little breakfast.

Bye.
Bye.

Mom, promise me you'll
be on your best behavior.

Oh, I will,
I will.

Ok, thank you.

There she is.

Where are
her breasts?

What?

She's got
no breasts.

Did she have
some sort of
an operation?

She's fine.
It's her dress.

It's just a little big
on top, that's all.

Is she anorexic
or anything?

No.

Well, if she goes
to the bathroom

more than three
times during dinner,

that's a sign
she's bulimic.
What?

She's throwing up
what she just ate
in the bathroom.

Oh, please.

Hi!

Hi.

How are you?

Uh, ma,
this is Theresa.

Theresa,
this is my mother.

Pleased to meet you,
Mrs. Muldoon.

Rose. I'm Rose.
Rose.

Oh, that's
a lovely dress
you're wearing.

Isn't it?

Oh, thank you.

Even though it is
a little big on top.

Ma.

Well, it is. You
said so yourself.

No. That's a--
a problem I have.

I'm not really
that endowed on top.

No, no, no, no.

You're built like
a 13-year-old boy.

Mom, would you
please don't start?

It's a joke.

I'm trying
to make jokes here.

I'm trying to
lighten things up
a little.

Ok. Thank you.

Would anyone like
to order a cocktail?

Yes.
Oh, I'll have
a glass of beer.

And don't try
to sneak any of that
sour imported swill

off on me
at $6.00 a bottle.

Just a plain glass
of budweiser.

Yes, ma'am. Sir?

I'll have a beer.
Just any beer is fine.

Yes, ma'am?

I'll have a vodka
double on the rocks.

Good.

Ah, a vodka drinker.

Well, ma, Theresa's
probably a little nervous.

You know, being here
with us and all.

You know,
you can understand that.

It's the first signs
of alcoholism.

What?

I read it in
reader's digest.

Rose, I can assure you

I'm not an alcoholic.

Oh, denial--
that's another symptom.

The article said
that one shot of vodka

was equal
to all of the calories

in a ham sandwich.

Good. Maybe I'll
gain some weight

and grow breasts for you.

Ha ha ha ha ha.
That's funny.

Tha--growing breasts.

Let's order, shall we?

Shall we order?

Theresa.

Ma.

Well, I know
what I'm having.

Yes, sir?

I'll have the shrimp cocktail,
please,

and the Caesar salad,
no anchovies,

and the prime rib

uh, medium.

Very good.

Make that medium rare.

Very good, sir.

Thank you.

There you go.

Thank you.

Ma'am?

Um, I'll have
the--the grilled chicken.

Good.
That's all.

Don't you want
an appetizer?

No, thank you.

Don't push it.

Uh, ma'am?

Nothing.

Nothing?

Nothing for me.

Ma.

Just bread.

Ma.

Bread's fine,
thank you.

Thank you.

Are you trying
to ruin this dinner?

I'm trying
to save you $50.

I'll fill up
on bread here

and eat something
when I get home.

I don't believe this!

Now, Theresa,

Danny tells me that
you're sicilian.

Yes.

Part.

Part?

My father is sicilian.

My mother was Polish.

Ohh!

Polish.

Yes.

Polish?

I meant to tell you.

Polish?

Polish.

I had a polack
friend once.

She was
incredibly stupid.

Don't do this, ma.

Julie kapowski.

She was
the stupidest woman
that I ever knew.

She believed
that black cows--

ha ha ha ha!

Black cows squirted
chocolate milk.

I think it's better
if you and Danny
have dinner alone.

Theresa, wait.

Why don't you have
my grilled chicken?

Cut it up in small
pieces and devour it.

You seem to be
very good at that.

Oh.

Theresa.

You all right?

I've never been in
an argument before.

I've never said
those things to anybody.

I feel like i'm
going to throw up.

Just take
a deep breath.
You'll be fine.

I actually
stood up for myself

for the first time
in my life

not that I had
much choice.

What?

You just sat there.

You didn't do anything
to stop her.

Like what?

Well, I don't know.

Scream at her,
slap her--

just get her
to leave me alone.

Theresa,
she's my mother.

So that gives her the right
to rip me apart?

What was I
supposed to do?

Fight for me.

Fight for you?

You've got
to understand
my mother.

She's old. She's
set in her ways.

It's going
to take her a while
to get used to you.

No, it won't.

Why not?

Because
I won't be around.

Oh, please
don't do this.

No. I want a guy who will
always fight for me,

who will always
stand up for me,

who will never
let me down.

I thought
that guy was you.

I was wrong.

Wait a minute,
Theresa.

Taxi!

Come on.

What are
you doing?

Don't
do this.

Look, don't
do this.

Theresa, let's
talk about it,
all right?

Just talk to me.

I'm starving.

I'm going to the kitchen
to get something to eat.

I suppose you're
proud of yourself.

Just telling it
like it is.

That's been your excuse
for the last 67 years.

My excuse?

Your excuse
for hurting people

whenever the hell
you feel like it.

I don't hurt people.
Oh, no?

I guess you didn't
hurt aunt Dolly
on her wedding day

when you said
she looked like

a cheap
Las Vegas hooker.

Well, did you see
the wedding dress?

The back of it was cut
right down to here.

You could see
the crack of her--

well, it was indecent.

And I guess you didn't
hurt cousin Jerry

when you called
his German wife

a Nazi who probably
slept with Hitler.

Well, there's no proof
that she didn't.

I guess you never
hurt dad either.

I never
hurt your father,

ever.

Florsheim shoes?

How do you
know about that?

You came home late.
You were arguing.

I woke up.
I was scared.

I didn't know
what was going on,

so I listened in
at the door.

A little spy.

Come on.
I was only 12.

Spy!

Florsheim shoes
was his big account.

He worked on that
for over 2 1/2 years.

You blew it for him
in one night.

Danny, don't.

All he had to do
was sign a deal
at dinner--

one fancy-schmancy
dinner

with a v.P.
From florsheim.

I'm going to bed.

No, you're not.

Everything was fine
that evening--

dinner was perfect,

dad had him in
the palm of his hand

until you decided
to tell it like it is.

I was right.

I still stand by
what I said.

You called dad's bosses
filthy Jew shylocks.

They never
gave him a raise,

not in 12 years.

Not one
Christmas bonus!

Ma

the vice president
of florsheim

and his wife
were Jewish.

Well, how was I
supposed to know?

They didn't
look Jewish.

I wasn't talking
about them.

They took it
personal.

You lost the account
for him!

$450,000 to the company!

He's lucky he didn't
lose his job!

Your father never
stood up to his bosses.

It was time somebody
set the record straight.

That night
was the only time

I ever heard
my father cry,

and still,
to this day,

you still
tell it like it is.

I don't mean
to hurt people.

Really.

Where are you going?

To halsted.

A friend of mine
owns a jewelry shop.

He owes me a favor.

I'm going to make him
open up his store.

Then I'm going to buy

the biggest
engagement ring
I can afford.

Then I'm going
to ask Theresa Luna
to be my wife.

Just telling it
like it is, ma.

What are you doing?

Well, I was just
in the neighborhood,

and I thought
I'd drop by.

Sometimes it's good
to be a cop.

What do you want?

I just want to say
that I'll always
stand by you

and I'll never
let you down again.

I swear.

And, uh

Oh!

I got the light
blue stones.

Iwell, I thought
you'd like that.

Will you marry me?

Yes.

Great.

Yeah!
Way to go!
Yo, Danny!

Yay!
Whoo!

All right!

Whoo!

Hey, Mr. Happy,
how about a towel?

Getting married.

Mail-order bride?

Ha ha ha ha!

Heh heh heh heh.

That Bobby's
a real asshole,
you know that?

Hey, Danny.
Well, my best friend

is making the biggest
mistake of his life,

so I thought that
deserved a toast.

I don't know why
you're doing it, Danny.

I told you,
it's because
I love her.

And your mother?

She hates Italians,
you know that.

She got used to you.

Took her 15 years.

And she'll get
used to Theresa.

Yeah, but she's going
to miss you, Danny.

I'm just getting
married, that's all.

She's
taking this fine.

As a matter of fact,
she's handling it
very well.

Oh, she is, is she?

Yes, she is, really.

Hello, Mrs. Muldoon.

Oh, yeah, right.
Hello, sal.

Jesus, ma!
What are you doing here?

Oh,
stop fussing.

I've probably
diapered
half of them.

Come on.
Why?

We have
an appointment.

With who?
The polack priest.

The polack priest?

Ohh

why?

We've got to settle
our problems.

Well, can't this
wait till later?

The protestants
and the Jews go
to the psychiatrist.

We go to the priest.

You feel threatened
by Theresa.

Threatened?
Yes.

See, she's taking up
a lot of Danny's time,

so you're
feeling threatened

that she's trying
to steal your son.

What?
Rose

I know you realize
it's the nineties.

I'm just not
sure you realize
it's the 1990s.

I've never been threatened
by anyone, ever,

and I've been through
d-day, Korea, Vietnam--

just relax.

You see that?

That's what I don't
want to become.

I don't want to be like
one of those old ladies

who spends the rest
of their lives
standing in line.

What do you mean,
standing in line?

Well, they stand in line

for the confessional
every single day,

even though they have
no sins to confess,

just so they can
blather with the priest
about Vatican ii.

And they stand in line
outside the movie theater,

even though they've
seen the movie 10 times,

just so they can
complain to whoever's
standing near them

about the price
of the ticket.

And they stand in line
at the grocery store

just so they can
complain to the cashier

about the price
of frozen string beans,

whether they should be
29 cents or 39 cents.

And do you know why

they spend so much time
standing in line?

No.

Because there's nobody else

in the whole world
they can talk to.

How does that look?

Looks good.

Yeah?
Looks real good.

Feels all right,
too, you know?

What do you think?
You like the style
of this?

Yeah. It's fine.

Hmm? Just fine?
I thought it looked
pretty good.

What's with you?

Come on. You've
been moping around
all day.

This is
supposed to be fun.

Hey, could you guys
give us a minute? Thanks.

Look, Danny

yeah?

I been thinking.

Yeah?

Maybe, uh

maybe this isn't
such a good idea.

What's not
a good idea?

Hey, you know,
thiswedding thing.

Maybe you're
rushing into it.

Well, you just met her
a little while ago.

Maybe you should
take a break.

Go to Florida
with mom.

Maybe you'll meet
some knockout
in a bikini.

Something wrong
with Theresa?

I didn't say that.

Did you hear me
say that?

There is nothing wrong
with Theresa.

She's just--

just what?

Well,
she's a little plain.

Oh.

A little plain, huh?

Yeah.

And what's this,
the cover of gq?

Oh, this is hot,
huh? Great look.

I'll buy
next month's issue.

I just think
that you can do better.

I don't think so.

This is the girl.
You got that?

She's the one.

Dan, take it easy.

I'm just being truthful.

I mean,
we're brothers, right?

We're supposed to be
truthful with each other.

Don't give me this
two-way lawyer crap.

And what's that
supposed to mean?

You couldn't give
two shits about me
or Theresa.

All you care about
is yourself.

Hey, that is bullshit!

Is it? You want me
to change my mind.

You want me
to go Florida
and live with ma.

Then you
wouldn't have to
feel so guilty.

Hey, Danny, come on.
That--

forget it.

This is my chance.
You understand?

You took
your chance.

You got someone
to wake up with
in the morning.

You got a houseful
of kids.

You got
a train around
the Christmas tree

and little ones
running around

in Halloween
outfits.

Now you want me
to feel guilty

for wanting
the same things?

Fuck you!

Listen to you.

You go off, and
you get laid one time,

and you think
you're in love.

Come on.

Oh, shit.

It's all right.
It's ok.

Don't worry
about it.
It's all right.

I'm a cop.
It's ok.

All right?

I'm sorry.
I didn't mean
to hit you.

The hell
I didn't.

I meant
to hit you.

It's ok. I, uh

I deserved it.
I wa--i wa--
was out of line.

Look, Danny

all I'm trying
to say

is make sure
that you're in love
with this girl.

Make sure it's real.

Wait a minute.
I can't take you dancing.

I got to consider it.

When I go to a dance

I guess that
I should be thrilled

as soon as I
walk in like that-

What's the matter
with you today?

You seem
a little edgy.

I'm fine.

What is it?

I'm fine.

Really.

Come on, Danny.

I've got a lot
on my mind. Ok?

You can tell me.

It's just that

yeah?

Ever since my dad died,
I've been in charge.

Ma and Patrick--
they've depended on me

to be responsible,

to take care of things,
and I have.

I've always
been there for them
when they needed me.

Everything I've ever done,

every decision
I've ever made was for them.

I mean, I became a cop

because ma wanted Patrick
to go to law school.

She didn't have
the extra money,

soi came through.

And, I

and I'd do it again.
I'm not complaining.

It's just that

well, now

you and me

it's the only time

the only time
in my life

I've made a decision
without thinking
of them first.

And

I guess
I'm a little scared.

I'm afraid they're
going to think that
I've abandoned them.

I know that sounds stupid.
I just

I just don't want
to lose my family.

There you go.

Whoa, got beer
behind you here.

Excuse me.
Thank you.
Thank you.

Hey, Joey,
how's the stiff business?

Drink all that beer
yourself, huh?

Oh, thank you,
father.

Good to see you,
Driscoll.

This is my wife.

Glad to know you.

Isn't it a nice party?

Oh, yeah.

All right.

This is a very sad day
for meself and spats.

We lose a valuable member
of our exclusive club--

bachelorhood.

Excuse me.

I--i would like
to make a speech,

but I would like
to make a speech in Greek.

And who would
understand it but me?

But anyway, uh

Danny, Theresa,
to speak Greek,

you only need
three words--

se agapo para polu.

It means

I love you.

Uh, everybody, uh,
I'd like to propose a toast.

To my beautiful daughter

and her future husband.

Tomorrow you'll be married.

One little word
of advice, ok?

Let nothing
come between you.

Salute.

Salute.
Salute.

So my son
is getting married,

and it seems that all of you
approve of his choice,

but you haven't heard
my side of the story.

I refuse.

And I repeat,
I absolutely refuse

to accept Theresa Luna
as my daughter-in-law.

I will only accept her

as my daughter.

Really?

Good night, ma.

Good night.

Had a great time.

It was
a wonderful evening.

Good night.

Good night now.
Drive carefully.

Good night,
Danny.

Good night.

Ma, I'm going to
take Theresa home.
Oh, fine.

Rose, I'll drive you
over to the Irish village.

We'll talk a little treason.

Thanks, but I am
a little tired.

Come on. It's not
even midnight, Rose.

I'll drive.
Excuse me.

Ma, do not get
in the car with
that man tonight.

He's been drinking.

Don't worry.
I'll go straight home.

Ok. You promise?

I promise.

Good night, ma.
Good night, Danny.

Rose, my car's
right over here.

I promised Danny
I'd go straight home.

It's all right.

Come on, Rose.
It's a big night.

We should be
celebrating.

No. I'm tired.
I'd rather go home.

Just--just
one little drink.

No. I don't want
anything to drink.

Aw, come on, Rose.

We're driving
to Niagara Falls?

Yeah. You know,

I thought
that would be
a neat trip,

and it's kind
of romantic.

We can't go
to Niagara Falls.
It's too cold.

Oh, no.
It'll be fine.
It's freezing.

But then we're
going to go down
to New York City

and see some shows,
I thought, you know.

Some Broadway shows?

You can pick up
some pointers.

Wait. Look.

That's our wedding cake.

Oh, wow.
Look at that.

This is ours?

Yeah.
It's so pretty.

This guy's good.

Yeah. He's great.

It's so pretty.

I'm so excited
about tomorrow.

I'm so happy.

Rose, how about
a little drink?

Just one
little drink.

No, thanks. I don't
want anything to drink.

Ok.

Are you sure you're
going to be able to drive?

Positive.

My god! You're driving
all over the street!

Look, I'm fine.
Shut up.

Watch out
where you're going!

Oh, my god!
You're driving down
a one-way street.

Wake up! Wake up!

Aah!

Oh! Get your foot
off the gas!

Wake up! Wake up!

Aah!

Oh, Daniel, I hope you have
a wonderful wedding!

Aah!

Danny.

Danny, are you ok?

Excuse me. I'll be
back in a moment.

Ma? Uh, you're home.

Good. I was just
checking in on you,

that's all.
I'll, uh

I'll see you later.

Ok. Uh, good night.

What's wrong?

You called her
on the night
before our wedding?

Yeah. I just
wanted to make sure
she got home ok.

I don't believe this.

What?

Are we ever
going to be alone?

What's that
supposed to mean?

Why don't you
call her again? It's
been five minutes.

Maybe she burned
down the house.

Maybe she fell
down the stairs.

That's not funny.

No, it's not funny.

It's sad.

It's sad that she's

always in the back
of your mind,

making you
feel guilty.

It's like she has
some kind of
hold on you.

I honestly believed

that if we loved
each other enough

maybe you could
let her go.

And what am I
supposed to do--

just forget about her,

slough her off,
pretend she doesn't exist?

No. Just
stop letting her
run your life.

Be your own person,
your own man

and put us first.

You can't.

Can you?

I don't know.

It's midnight.

You better be going.

It's bad luck
to see the bride
after midnight.

Here you go,
mom.

You seen Danny yet,
or what?

He should be here
by now.

Yeah.
You would think so.

Danny.

Hi.

Susan,
is Theresa here yet?

No.

She didn't call
or anything?

No. Not yet.

Keep going.

I've got dreams

dreams to remember

I've got dreams

dreams to remember

nobody knows
what I feel inside

all I know that
I walked away and cried

'cause I've got dreams

dreams to remember

I've got dreams

oh, dreams to remember

Thanks, Mary.

Hi, frank.

Morning, Danny.

Hi, Clark.

Morning, Danny.

I've got dreams

dreams,
dreams to remember

oh, I've got dreams

me being your
best friend and all,

I'd like to know
what the hell happened.

Just forget it.

It was your ma,
wasn't it?

She made you call it off,
didn't she?

No.

It wasn't a sexual
problem, was it?

I mean, you can function
as a man and all, right?

Jesus, Mary, and Joseph.

It was her.

What, did she want to
do it like a corpse?

You know I hear
they're weird,

these people that work
with the dead.

Hey, what
is with you?
What?

Does everything
in your life have
to relate to sex?

Everything in life does
relate to sex, Danny.

I mean, think about it.

Do you realize that
45% of these people

in these buildings
right now

are having sex
of some sort?

That's a statistic,
Danny.

Am I right?

It's a fact.

It's a fact.

What is with you?
You're twisted.

What?

What are you thinking?
What's in your mind,

you and your buddy
Dr. Ruth back there?

I mean, come on.

Oh, I can hardly wait
to get to Florida.

Maybe
I'll find a partner

who's got more than
a grapenut for a brain.

The usual?

What do you suppose?

Ahh.

Where's Doyle?

Heart attack.

What?

They found him
this morning.

Passed away in his sleep
last night.

Where's his family?

What family?

His mom died
15 years ago.

He's got a sister
in a nursing home.

Never married,
no kids.

I guess we're it.

Rose.

Rose

before you go, I

We could have been
great together.

I--I'll go back in and see
if I forgot anything.

Oh.

Oh, come on.

Wait here, ok?

I'm going
to go help mom.

Ah, Casey,
do me a favor.

Give me the keys
to your cruiser,
will you?

Yeah,
no problem, Dan.

Thanks, man.

Yeah.

You know, Danny

I'm actually going
to miss this house.

Yeah.

Well, there's no point
in getting all
teary-eyed about it.

Get your bags.
Come on, let's go.

What's keeping you?

We'll miss the plane.

I'm not going
with you, ma.

What?

It hit me yesterday
at the funeral.

If I go with you
to Florida,

I'd be leaving behind
the best thing that
ever happened to me.

If it's not too late,

I'm going to try
to get her back.

So you're sending me
off to Florida alone.

No.

Ma, aunt Jean
and uncle Walter,

they're going to meet you
at the airport.

Uncle Walter.

He's always trying
to look under me skirt

when I cross my legs.

Ma, come on, please.

Very well.

Fine.

Who needs you anyway?

Ma.

Ma.

I'm an old woman.

I can't be expected
to wait on you

hand and foot for
the rest of my life.

I'm sick and tired
of doing your laundry,

ironing your shirts,
cooking your meals.

I've lost gallons of sweat
and buckets of blood,

all for you.

You've been nothing
but a ball and chain

of heartache and hurt
hanging around my neck

for too many
godforsaken years.

It'll be good
riddance to you.

I'm sorry, Danny.

That's ok, ma.

You were just
telling it
like it is.

No, Danny.

I was lying.

Telling it like it is

would hurt too much
right now.

Go. Marry that girl.

Have lots
of Irish-dago mutts,

and, every once
in a while,

bring them to Florida
to see their grandmother.

I love you, ma.

I'm not so lovable.

True enough.

I'm kidding.

Danny.

Yeah?

She's gone.

New York.

3:15 train.

Oh, damn.

Lois, this is
Danny muldoon.

Yeah, Danny.

Get me Freddie nunzio
at union station

and hurry.

10-4.

Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!

What the hell
are you doing here?

Danny gave me his ticket.

The thought of you
traveling to Florida
all alone

nearly broke my heart.

That's why I'm here.

A kiss before takeoff?

Forget it.

I'm going to sleep.

Well, at last, we get
to sleep together.

Folks, we have to make
an unscheduled stop here.

There's going to be
a bit of a delay.

For security reasons,

everyone will have
to deboard the train.

We're sorry
for the inconvenience.

Thank you.

Theresa!

Hi.

You did all this,
didn't you?

Sometimes it's good
to be a cop.

So what do you want?

All aboard!

I--i--i

I just want--

i--i

don't you hate all
the uncomfortable stuff

that goes with trying
to ask somebody

to get back
together with you?

I'll make it easy
for you.

I'll give you
a list of excuses.

All you have to do
is answer yes or no, ok?

Good.

Here goes.

Reasons why you and I
can't get back together--

you're seeing
somebody else.

No.

You're moving
into a convent.

No.

You're having
your legs waxed?

No.

You've fallen
out of love with me.

No.

No?

No.

That's great.

May-maybe, uh

you and me, we should--

you forgot one thing.

What?

Your mother.

She's gone.

To Florida?

She's on a plane.

So how do I know

you won't hop a flight
to be with her

tomorrow or next week
or next month?

Because I'm the one
who let her go

and I'm ready
to put us first.

Final boarding call
for all passengers

traveling
to New York City!

Come on.

Where?

Well, we're boarding.

You're going
to New York?

I know this police
sergeant in the Bronx.

He transferred
from Chicago.

Maybe he can pull
a few strings, you know?

Give me a line
on a job.

You'd do that?

You'd leave
everything behind
just to be with me?

Yeah.

I love you.

I love you, too.

To our homeland,
or we will all die!

Nobody move!

Rose!

Danny, relax.

I can take care
of myself.

Is everything ok?

Couldn't be better.

Come on.