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1
00:00:02,837 --> 00:00:05,423
Barney is crazy if he
thinks this is gonna work.
2
00:00:05,506 --> 00:00:07,550
I think it's gonna work.
I hope it doesn't work.
3
00:00:07,633 --> 00:00:09,635
Here he comes.
4
00:00:13,139 --> 00:00:15,433
You there, what's your
name? Excuse me?
5
00:00:15,516 --> 00:00:17,852
Your name, woman,
what's your name?
6
00:00:17,935 --> 00:00:20,146
Cindy. I knew it.
7
00:00:20,229 --> 00:00:21,522
You're the Cindy,
8
00:00:21,606 --> 00:00:26,652
the one who can change everything,
or spell our inevitable doom.
9
00:00:26,736 --> 00:00:28,529
Now listen to me, Cindy.
10
00:00:28,613 --> 00:00:33,242
I am Barney Stinson, and I am on
an urgent mission from the future.
11
00:00:33,326 --> 00:00:34,410
The future?
12
00:00:34,493 --> 00:00:36,370
The future,
and I can prove it to you.
13
00:00:36,454 --> 00:00:37,788
In exactly four seconds,
14
00:00:37,872 --> 00:00:40,374
the woman at that booth
is going to slap that man.
15
00:00:43,461 --> 00:00:45,379
Ow! What the hell?
16
00:00:45,463 --> 00:00:47,298
Wow! In a few minutes,
17
00:00:47,381 --> 00:00:52,511
the young me from your time is
going to come through that door.
18
00:00:52,595 --> 00:00:55,723
Now, Cindy,
I know this sounds insane,
19
00:00:55,806 --> 00:00:58,517
but in order to save the planet,
20
00:00:58,601 --> 00:01:01,896
you need to
sleep with him tonight.
21
00:01:01,979 --> 00:01:03,022
What? I...
22
00:01:03,105 --> 00:01:07,652
Sleep with Barney Stinson
tonight, in whatever way he wants it,
23
00:01:07,735 --> 00:01:11,155
or he won't be able to find
the solution to global warming
24
00:01:11,239 --> 00:01:13,115
that saves the human race.
25
00:01:13,199 --> 00:01:16,077
What are you talking about?
I have no time to explain.
26
00:01:16,160 --> 00:01:20,581
I have to get back to the reality
accelerator before the vortex closes.
27
00:01:21,374 --> 00:01:25,419
Only you can save us, Cindy.
I must away!
28
00:01:26,837 --> 00:01:29,924
Okay, guys, the movers
are coming in 14 hours.
29
00:01:30,007 --> 00:01:31,860
We've got to get back
upstairs and finish packing.
30
00:01:31,884 --> 00:01:35,346
You guys still aren't finished
packing? How is this taking so long?
31
00:01:35,429 --> 00:01:38,891
Hey, all the great memories of
our 20s took place in that apartment.
32
00:01:39,016 --> 00:01:40,601
It's not like throwing
stuff in a box.
33
00:01:40,685 --> 00:01:41,936
You start to reminisce.
34
00:01:42,019 --> 00:01:43,396
Not me. The key?
35
00:01:43,479 --> 00:01:44,772
Throw stuff out,
never look back.
36
00:01:44,855 --> 00:01:45,940
I'm moving to Japan.
37
00:01:46,023 --> 00:01:47,167
It took me a half hour to pack.
38
00:01:47,191 --> 00:01:48,276
A half hour?
39
00:01:48,359 --> 00:01:49,586
Well, it would have
taken me 20 minutes,
40
00:01:49,610 --> 00:01:51,362
but a friend called me in tears.
41
00:01:51,445 --> 00:01:53,114
Moving is really emotional,
okay?
42
00:01:54,031 --> 00:01:56,617
It is. I mean,
everything is changing.
43
00:01:56,701 --> 00:01:58,345
I'm gonna be living in
New Jersey with Stella,
44
00:01:58,369 --> 00:01:59,721
you guys will be
in your new place.
45
00:01:59,745 --> 00:02:02,206
You're starting a new
job in Tokyo. Hmm.
46
00:02:02,290 --> 00:02:04,333
I mean, it's the end of an era.
47
00:02:04,417 --> 00:02:07,044
I think we should have a
toast, but not our usual crap.
48
00:02:07,128 --> 00:02:10,381
Hey, Wendy, your most
expensive bottle of scotch.
49
00:02:10,464 --> 00:02:14,468
That's 50-year-old Glen
McKenna, and it's $2,500.
50
00:02:14,552 --> 00:02:17,138
Excehent a bottle of
that with beer chasers,
51
00:02:17,221 --> 00:02:18,973
and what do you think,
cancel the scotch?
52
00:02:19,056 --> 00:02:20,641
Yeah.
53
00:02:21,684 --> 00:02:23,811
Vodka rocks.
54
00:02:23,894 --> 00:02:24,979
It's not gonna work.
55
00:02:25,062 --> 00:02:28,607
Oh, my god!
You're... oh, my god!
56
00:02:29,191 --> 00:02:31,068
Can I buy you a drink?
57
00:02:32,236 --> 00:02:36,282
Oh. Yeah, I suppose I
have time for one drink
58
00:02:36,365 --> 00:02:38,868
and 45 minutes to an
hour of some other activity,
59
00:02:38,951 --> 00:02:40,271
but after that,
I have to get back
60
00:02:40,328 --> 00:02:43,456
to a top-secret research
project I'm working on.
61
00:02:44,248 --> 00:02:45,666
Global warming?
62
00:02:45,750 --> 00:02:48,919
My god! How did you know that?
63
00:03:03,601 --> 00:03:04,935
Hey, look at this.
64
00:03:05,019 --> 00:03:07,605
A photo from the first day
we moved into this place.
65
00:03:09,607 --> 00:03:11,108
So many great memories.
66
00:03:11,192 --> 00:03:15,154
See? That is exactly the type
of crap you should be trashing.
67
00:03:15,237 --> 00:03:17,198
So you don't keep any photos?
68
00:03:17,281 --> 00:03:20,826
No, they're like love letters or
yearbooks or someone's ashes.
69
00:03:20,910 --> 00:03:22,495
They just take up space.
70
00:03:22,578 --> 00:03:25,081
Besides, Stella's not gonna
let you keep half of this junk.
71
00:03:25,164 --> 00:03:26,415
Why wouldn't she?
72
00:03:27,875 --> 00:03:29,710
Oh, Ted, oh, sweetie.
73
00:03:29,794 --> 00:03:33,923
Okay, here's the thing that guys only
learn after they move in with a woman.
74
00:03:34,006 --> 00:03:35,716
All of your stuff is stupid.
75
00:03:35,800 --> 00:03:37,009
Like what?
76
00:03:37,093 --> 00:03:40,679
Um... like anything you
bought at a renaissance fair.
77
00:03:40,763 --> 00:03:45,142
Hey, there's not enough mead in
the world to make me get rid of my flail.
78
00:03:45,643 --> 00:03:48,979
Oh, hey, Ted, since we're clearly
not getting our security deposit back,
79
00:03:49,063 --> 00:03:51,232
I thought maybe you could
reimburse me for my half.
80
00:03:51,315 --> 00:03:53,901
Wait a second. Why should
I have to pay more than you?
81
00:03:53,984 --> 00:03:55,361
Because you
treated this apartment
82
00:03:55,444 --> 00:03:58,114
the way John bonham treated
his central nervous system.
83
00:03:58,197 --> 00:03:59,698
That's not true.
84
00:03:59,782 --> 00:04:01,283
Exhibit a.
85
00:04:03,744 --> 00:04:05,413
Hey. Hey.
86
00:04:05,496 --> 00:04:06,496
What's that?
87
00:04:06,539 --> 00:04:09,417
A 1986 world book encyclopaedia.
88
00:04:09,500 --> 00:04:11,252
It's exactly the
one I grew up with.
89
00:04:11,335 --> 00:04:12,920
Encyclo-pay-dia?
90
00:04:13,003 --> 00:04:16,507
Oh. You think it
should be pronounced encyclo-pee-dia.
91
00:04:16,590 --> 00:04:18,008
It's a common mistake.
92
00:04:18,092 --> 00:04:19,932
But if you look up that
squished together "a-e"
93
00:04:19,969 --> 00:04:22,096
symbol in this
here encyclopaedia,
94
00:04:22,179 --> 00:04:26,350
you'll learn that it's a ligature derived
from the anglo-Saxon rune ash...
95
00:04:32,857 --> 00:04:35,192
You know, you're gonna
have to pay-dia for that.
96
00:04:36,694 --> 00:04:40,322
But you never did. And
then, there's exhibit b.
97
00:04:44,577 --> 00:04:48,831
Good morrow, fair gentles. Look
what I won at the renaissance faire.
98
00:04:53,502 --> 00:04:55,796
And you're also responsible
for any damage Robin did
99
00:04:55,880 --> 00:04:57,131
while she was your girlfriend.
100
00:04:57,214 --> 00:04:59,633
Whoa! What damage did I cause?
101
00:04:59,717 --> 00:05:01,653
Do you remember that night
when you drank the 12er of molson
102
00:05:01,677 --> 00:05:03,929
and you got all super-Canadian?
103
00:05:06,807 --> 00:05:09,393
Stanley cup, game 6, eh?
104
00:05:09,477 --> 00:05:13,481
The rangers are about to be sorry
they ever played shinny with the canucks.
105
00:05:13,564 --> 00:05:15,065
Marshall: Hey. Hey, Robin. Yeah?
106
00:05:15,149 --> 00:05:17,789
I'll give you 20 bucks if you can
shoot it through this front door.
107
00:05:18,694 --> 00:05:21,989
You're nuttier than a
Tim horton's maple log.
108
00:05:22,072 --> 00:05:23,282
Timmy ho!
109
00:05:24,909 --> 00:05:27,161
That's it, Robin.
Give me the stick.
110
00:05:28,287 --> 00:05:29,830
I'll give you summer teeth.
111
00:05:29,914 --> 00:05:32,249
Some are here, some are there.
112
00:05:32,750 --> 00:05:34,835
Robin, give me the stick.
113
00:05:34,919 --> 00:05:37,338
Take off, hoser. Men: Whoa!
114
00:05:37,421 --> 00:05:39,006
Thatsifl hey, hey!
115
00:05:39,089 --> 00:05:41,067
Get her, boys, get her!
You want to scrap? I'll scrap!
116
00:05:41,091 --> 00:05:42,176
Guys, come on!
117
00:05:42,259 --> 00:05:43,344
Go america!
118
00:05:43,427 --> 00:05:46,764
All right. All right,
break it, break it up!
119
00:05:46,847 --> 00:05:51,393
Ted, no! You never
break up a girl fight!
120
00:05:51,477 --> 00:05:52,520
Neveh
121
00:05:55,981 --> 00:05:58,609
Entirely Barney's fault.
As, by the way,
122
00:05:58,692 --> 00:06:01,111
isthe big scorch Mark
over the fireplace.
123
00:06:03,447 --> 00:06:06,075
Older Ted: Kids, to understand
the story of the scorch Mark,
124
00:06:06,158 --> 00:06:07,618
I first need to
tell you the story
125
00:06:07,701 --> 00:06:09,703
of the intervention
for our friend Stuart.
126
00:06:09,787 --> 00:06:10,955
What's going on?
127
00:06:11,038 --> 00:06:14,124
Stuart, this is an intervention.
128
00:06:15,417 --> 00:06:18,003
"The alcohol changes you,
Stuart.
129
00:06:18,087 --> 00:06:20,381
"It makes you
a different person.
130
00:06:20,464 --> 00:06:23,551
"And I'm in love with
the man that I married."
131
00:06:24,301 --> 00:06:25,636
Thank you.
132
00:06:26,470 --> 00:06:28,639
This is just the push I need.
133
00:06:29,765 --> 00:06:30,891
I love you guys.
134
00:06:32,476 --> 00:06:36,230
Hey, hey!
There's the birthday boy.
135
00:06:36,313 --> 00:06:39,984
Time to let the party monster
out of its cage, stewie!
136
00:06:41,485 --> 00:06:42,987
Come on, buddy.
137
00:06:43,070 --> 00:06:45,406
People don't want to
see Bruce banner, dude.
138
00:06:45,489 --> 00:06:46,907
They want to see the hulk.
139
00:06:46,991 --> 00:06:50,160
Hulk. Hulk. Hulk. What?
140
00:06:57,001 --> 00:06:59,837
That's what I get for
skimming the evite.
141
00:07:01,005 --> 00:07:04,466
Older Ted: Later that day, we celebrated
our first successful intervention.
142
00:07:04,550 --> 00:07:07,011
I'm really proud of
us for helping Stuart.
143
00:07:07,094 --> 00:07:10,389
Yeah, what an amazing,
honest, human moment.
144
00:07:10,472 --> 00:07:12,516
I agree. Yay us.
145
00:07:12,975 --> 00:07:15,769
Marshall, are you really
gonna keep wearing that hat?
146
00:07:15,853 --> 00:07:17,813
Yeah, it's been
two weeks, Marshall.
147
00:07:17,896 --> 00:07:22,860
Two awesome weeks. And heck,
yeah, I'm gonna keep wearing it.
148
00:07:29,742 --> 00:07:30,784
Hey.
149
00:07:31,785 --> 00:07:33,203
Marshall,
150
00:07:33,287 --> 00:07:35,164
this is an intervention.
151
00:07:35,873 --> 00:07:37,249
It's about the hat.
152
00:07:37,833 --> 00:07:42,129
What? No. I have it
under control, okay?
153
00:07:42,796 --> 00:07:45,174
I can take it off
whenever I want.
154
00:07:46,258 --> 00:07:48,594
"Dear Marshall,
155
00:07:48,677 --> 00:07:50,971
"I do not like that stupid hat.
156
00:07:51,055 --> 00:07:53,849
"I want to beat it with a bat.
157
00:07:53,932 --> 00:07:56,268
"Or maybe stab it with a fork.
158
00:07:56,352 --> 00:07:58,812
"It makes you
look like such a dork."
159
00:07:59,730 --> 00:08:01,410
Older Ted: After that,
interventions became
160
00:08:01,482 --> 00:08:03,202
a pretty regular thing
around our apartment.
161
00:08:06,987 --> 00:08:09,406
Cor blimey.
162
00:08:09,490 --> 00:08:12,201
This is a nice bloody surprise.
What's this about, then?
163
00:08:12,701 --> 00:08:16,872
Lily, it's about the weird,
fake English accent.
164
00:08:17,915 --> 00:08:19,208
Bollocks.
165
00:08:20,876 --> 00:08:21,877
I think we should...
166
00:08:25,589 --> 00:08:27,007
Spray tan?
167
00:08:29,802 --> 00:08:32,364
They reel you in with a
coupon, and then you just get hooked.
168
00:08:32,388 --> 00:08:34,848
Oh, we know, sweetie, we know.
169
00:08:34,932 --> 00:08:37,101
No, no, no, no,
this is a new sweater.
170
00:08:40,312 --> 00:08:43,023
What? The magic tricks.
171
00:08:43,107 --> 00:08:45,526
Specifically,
those involving fire.
172
00:08:45,609 --> 00:08:47,361
Magic tricks?
173
00:08:47,444 --> 00:08:50,406
Guys, interventions are
supposed to help people,
174
00:08:50,489 --> 00:08:54,034
not attack every little thing
you don't like about them.
175
00:08:54,118 --> 00:08:58,706
I'm sorry, but that really steams
me. That really burns me up!
176
00:08:59,581 --> 00:09:04,128
I mean, I am filled
with a white-hot rage!
177
00:09:09,967 --> 00:09:11,468
Thank you.
178
00:09:13,637 --> 00:09:15,514
Oh, shoot ismehhmhismehhmh
179
00:09:15,597 --> 00:09:17,725
older Ted: And that's the
story of the scorch Mark.
180
00:09:18,434 --> 00:09:19,560
Wait, that's weird.
181
00:09:19,643 --> 00:09:21,061
When I was going
through the closet,
182
00:09:21,145 --> 00:09:23,230
I thought I saw
the intervention banner.
183
00:09:25,232 --> 00:09:28,569
So, the banner burned
up. Why is there a new one?
184
00:09:28,652 --> 00:09:32,656
And there are sealed letters
here from all of you that say "Ted."
185
00:09:33,073 --> 00:09:35,492
Were you guys planning
an intervention for me?
186
00:09:35,576 --> 00:09:38,912
Oh, that. That was stupid.
Yeah, just forget about that.
187
00:09:38,996 --> 00:09:41,248
What was it for? The crocs?
188
00:09:42,166 --> 00:09:44,376
The hair product? Not Stella.
189
00:09:45,627 --> 00:09:47,838
Oh, my god,
this was about Stella.
190
00:09:47,921 --> 00:09:53,761
I just said "not Stella." So maybe it
was about your poor listening skills, Ted.
191
00:09:53,844 --> 00:09:56,263
What? It's out of control. See?
192
00:09:57,181 --> 00:10:00,142
You guys don't think
I should marry Stella.
193
00:10:03,520 --> 00:10:05,314
You guys don't think
I should marry Stella.
194
00:10:05,397 --> 00:10:08,233
Ted, we do. We're all
really happy for you.
195
00:10:08,317 --> 00:10:10,110
Yeah, like I said,
it was stupid.
196
00:10:10,194 --> 00:10:11,779
Well, obviously, it wasn't,
197
00:10:11,862 --> 00:10:14,132
because we agreed not to have
any more stupid interventions
198
00:10:14,156 --> 00:10:15,436
at our intervention
intervention.
199
00:10:17,451 --> 00:10:19,536
We're having too
many interventions.
200
00:10:20,704 --> 00:10:24,374
So, what was your big, serious
problem with me and Stella?
201
00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:28,378
Yes! Yes! In everyone's face!
202
00:10:28,462 --> 00:10:30,464
You all said the future-Barney
thing wouldn't work.
203
00:10:30,547 --> 00:10:32,341
You told me I was crazy.
204
00:10:32,424 --> 00:10:35,093
My shrink told me I was crazy.
205
00:10:35,177 --> 00:10:39,515
Well, who's the narcissist with severe
attachment disorder now, Dr. Grossbard?
206
00:10:42,017 --> 00:10:43,644
Intervention banner?
What's that for?
207
00:10:43,727 --> 00:10:44,978
Stella.
208
00:10:48,148 --> 00:10:49,983
"Ted, icannot stand idly by..."
209
00:10:50,067 --> 00:10:51,819
You've just been
carrying that around?
210
00:10:51,902 --> 00:10:55,531
Please, Ted?
"I cannot stand idly by
211
00:10:55,614 --> 00:11:00,077
"while you make the biggest mistake
any man can make. Getting married.
212
00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:06,041
"Mark my words, this whole
thing is gonna go up in flames!"
213
00:11:06,917 --> 00:11:10,128
Oh, damn! I put the
flame cue too early.
214
00:11:10,212 --> 00:11:12,297
I had so many more
important things to say, and...
215
00:11:12,381 --> 00:11:17,427
The point is, Ted,
marriage is stupid.
216
00:11:18,387 --> 00:11:21,223
Every year, there are a million
217
00:11:21,306 --> 00:11:26,228
new, hot 22-year-olds walking into
bars, and call me "glass-half-full,"
218
00:11:26,311 --> 00:11:28,272
but I think
they're getting dumber.
219
00:11:28,605 --> 00:11:31,024
Oh, come on, Barney,
even you aren't still gonna be
220
00:11:31,108 --> 00:11:33,110
hitting on 22-year-olds
when you're 80.
221
00:11:34,069 --> 00:11:35,487
I accept that challenge.
222
00:11:35,571 --> 00:11:36,822
What challenge?
223
00:11:36,905 --> 00:11:42,077
To prove to you that I will be
exactly this awesome when I'm 80,
224
00:11:42,160 --> 00:11:46,790
I will hook up with a 22-year-old
while in my old-man makeup.
225
00:11:47,541 --> 00:11:50,335
I didn't remotely
challenge you to that.
226
00:11:50,419 --> 00:11:52,129
I mean, I definitely
want to see it.
227
00:11:52,212 --> 00:11:54,464
But I didn't remotely
challenge you to that.
228
00:11:55,048 --> 00:11:56,675
I want to hear
the other letters.
229
00:11:56,758 --> 00:11:59,636
Ted, this is ridiculous.
We changed our minds.
230
00:11:59,720 --> 00:12:01,722
And suppose you
change them back?
231
00:12:01,805 --> 00:12:04,141
Lily, come on, let's hear yours.
232
00:12:08,312 --> 00:12:11,690
"Gilbert's reading skills have
improved drastically since..."
233
00:12:11,773 --> 00:12:16,320
Wait, this is a letter I meant to send
home with one of my kindergarteners.
234
00:12:16,570 --> 00:12:17,571
Uh-oh.
235
00:12:17,654 --> 00:12:22,159
Gilbert, are things moving too fast
between you and a girl named Stella?
236
00:12:22,743 --> 00:12:23,952
I wish.
237
00:12:27,748 --> 00:12:29,791
Robin, could I hear yours?
238
00:12:35,505 --> 00:12:39,384
"Dear Ted, it's encyclo-pee-dia,
not encyclo-pay-dia.
239
00:12:39,468 --> 00:12:42,554
"Why do you always say things in
the most pretentious way possible?
240
00:12:42,638 --> 00:12:47,142
"It makes you sound douchey,
and that's douche-ee, not douch-ay."
241
00:12:47,225 --> 00:12:50,771
Yeah, you already read that one
at my pronunciation intervention.
242
00:12:50,854 --> 00:12:52,356
Where's the letter about Stella?
243
00:12:52,439 --> 00:12:54,691
I didn't write one.
I'm your ex-girlfriend.
244
00:12:54,775 --> 00:12:57,736
I figured anything I said on
the subject would sound catty.
245
00:12:57,861 --> 00:13:00,614
Plus, I'm hotter than her,
so who cares?
246
00:13:02,616 --> 00:13:03,659
Marshall?
247
00:13:03,742 --> 00:13:05,369
Dude, it's water
under the bridge...
248
00:13:05,452 --> 00:13:06,912
Please.
249
00:13:13,835 --> 00:13:17,798
"Dear Ted, Stella seems
like a wonderful person.
250
00:13:19,925 --> 00:13:23,178
"But you don't know her
well enough to get married.
251
00:13:23,261 --> 00:13:24,822
"You certainly don't
know her well enough
252
00:13:24,846 --> 00:13:27,933
"to commit to raising
a 7-year-old with her.
253
00:13:29,101 --> 00:13:32,354
"You're not doing her,
her child or yourself
254
00:13:32,437 --> 00:13:35,649
"any favors by
rushing into this.
255
00:13:35,732 --> 00:13:37,985
"Just give it some more time."
256
00:13:39,361 --> 00:13:41,613
Dude, that was
months ago, all right?
257
00:13:41,697 --> 00:13:43,532
That was before we
got to know Stella,
258
00:13:43,615 --> 00:13:47,202
and see how awesome she is and
what a great couple you guys are.
259
00:13:47,285 --> 00:13:50,163
That's why we decided not
to even have that intervention.
260
00:13:50,247 --> 00:13:53,000
Thank you. Because I really need
you guys to be on board with this.
261
00:13:53,083 --> 00:13:54,418
And we are.
262
00:13:54,501 --> 00:13:55,961
We hope you're not mad at us.
263
00:13:56,044 --> 00:13:59,840
Of course not. I mean, it's not
like what you said was crazy.
264
00:14:01,049 --> 00:14:02,329
You had a lot of valid concerns.
265
00:14:02,384 --> 00:14:06,013
Yeah, but concerns we have
completely moved on from.
266
00:14:06,096 --> 00:14:10,225
But you had a point. I mean, this
whole thing has moved pretty fast.
267
00:14:10,308 --> 00:14:14,187
Well, you know what? Maybe that's
because when it's right, you just know.
268
00:14:14,271 --> 00:14:18,608
Yeah, I guess, but we are
still getting to know each other.
269
00:14:18,984 --> 00:14:20,235
And, Lily, maybe you're right.
270
00:14:20,318 --> 00:14:22,446
Maybe Stella won't
like any of my stuff.
271
00:14:23,864 --> 00:14:26,158
Like the robot cookie jar.
272
00:14:26,908 --> 00:14:29,220
This was, like, the first thing we
bought for this place, remember?
273
00:14:29,244 --> 00:14:30,787
Yeah, of course I do.
274
00:14:31,246 --> 00:14:33,498
Marshall, my sensors indicate
275
00:14:33,582 --> 00:14:37,085
thatyour pecan-Sandy
levels are dangerously low.
276
00:14:38,378 --> 00:14:41,757
My collection
of James Bond movies.
277
00:14:41,840 --> 00:14:43,550
Remember? We
watched them all in order,
278
00:14:43,633 --> 00:14:47,179
and then Lily spoke in that weird
English accent for, like, the next month?
279
00:14:47,262 --> 00:14:48,722
It was sophisticated. No.
280
00:14:48,805 --> 00:14:50,098
Nope.
281
00:14:50,932 --> 00:14:53,852
My signed Bernie kosar cleats.
282
00:14:53,935 --> 00:14:55,604
My elephant lamp.
283
00:14:55,687 --> 00:14:58,940
The English phone booth.
My sombrero!
284
00:15:01,526 --> 00:15:02,778
Ted, what are you doing?
285
00:15:02,861 --> 00:15:04,321
Unpacking.
286
00:15:04,404 --> 00:15:07,157
I am never
leaving this apartment.
287
00:15:14,289 --> 00:15:17,709
No, no, Ted, stop unpacking.
You're just freaking out.
288
00:15:17,793 --> 00:15:19,393
I'm not ready for
all the responsibility.
289
00:15:19,419 --> 00:15:23,548
And I'm certainly not ready to
be a stepdad to a 7-year-old.
290
00:15:23,632 --> 00:15:26,885
I mean, if I get married and move
to the suburbs, in the blink of an eye,
291
00:15:26,968 --> 00:15:28,345
I've become an old man!
292
00:15:30,931 --> 00:15:35,477
Why, hello, young lady.
You want a butterscotch candy?
293
00:15:36,728 --> 00:15:40,440
What do you mean, "nothing
in common?" We're both seniors.
294
00:15:44,694 --> 00:15:47,280
You're cute. How old are you?
295
00:15:48,907 --> 00:15:50,200
How old are you?
296
00:15:54,996 --> 00:15:57,415
Okay, Ted has
officially snapped.
297
00:15:57,499 --> 00:15:59,668
There are moving
men coming in 10 hours.
298
00:15:59,751 --> 00:16:03,755
His fiancée is waiting for him in
New Jersey. We have to do something.
299
00:16:03,839 --> 00:16:05,215
I've got this.
300
00:16:08,718 --> 00:16:09,845
Hey, bud?
301
00:16:09,928 --> 00:16:11,012
Hey.
302
00:16:11,096 --> 00:16:12,490
Why don't you come
here for a minute?
303
00:16:12,514 --> 00:16:14,015
What?
304
00:16:14,266 --> 00:16:17,769
Look, I want you to know
this is all totally normal.
305
00:16:17,853 --> 00:16:21,231
Big transitions can
be scary, and cold feet,
306
00:16:21,314 --> 00:16:23,150
well, they're just
part of the deal.
307
00:16:23,233 --> 00:16:26,862
So how about you
give me the knife?
308
00:16:26,945 --> 00:16:29,156
Give me the knife.
309
00:16:29,239 --> 00:16:30,574
Come on.
310
00:16:33,285 --> 00:16:34,536
So I can start unpacking, too.
311
00:16:34,619 --> 00:16:36,621
I'm staying here right by
your side forever, buddy!
312
00:16:36,705 --> 00:16:37,747
Yeah! Yeah!
313
00:16:37,831 --> 00:16:38,999
Marshall!
314
00:16:39,082 --> 00:16:41,960
Lily, our lives have
been good here.
315
00:16:42,043 --> 00:16:43,712
That's why we've
been putting off packing.
316
00:16:43,795 --> 00:16:47,299
Because, subconsciously, we both
know that it would be stupid to leave.
317
00:16:47,382 --> 00:16:50,468
It's safe and warm here.
There's a bar downstairs
318
00:16:50,552 --> 00:16:52,304
and a cookie
robot in the kitchen.
319
00:16:52,387 --> 00:16:54,139
This is my home,
and I'm never leaving!
320
00:16:54,222 --> 00:16:55,390
Listen to you.
321
00:16:55,473 --> 00:16:58,059
You sound like that
fat, dweeby kid at camp.
322
00:16:58,143 --> 00:16:59,811
"Mom, dad, I want to come home.
323
00:16:59,895 --> 00:17:02,689
"The cool kids are playing
keep away with my inhaler."
324
00:17:02,772 --> 00:17:05,567
I can't believe my dad read
that letter at our wedding.
325
00:17:05,650 --> 00:17:07,152
Marshall,
you can't do this to Lily.
326
00:17:07,235 --> 00:17:09,362
Yes, I know your new place
has had some problems,
327
00:17:09,446 --> 00:17:12,782
with the slanted floors and the
nearby sewage treatment plant,
328
00:17:12,866 --> 00:17:15,285
but you're gonna turn
it into a great home.
329
00:17:15,368 --> 00:17:16,369
Tell him, lin.
330
00:17:16,453 --> 00:17:18,872
It's a black hole
where dreams go to die.
331
00:17:18,955 --> 00:17:20,415
I'm not moving, either.
332
00:17:20,498 --> 00:17:21,875
Oh, come on! Yes!
333
00:17:21,958 --> 00:17:24,002
Okay, you guys finish unpacking.
334
00:17:24,085 --> 00:17:26,963
I'm gonna go bake some
cookies to fill r2-sweet tooth.
335
00:17:27,881 --> 00:17:30,383
Oh, my god, look at you cowards!
336
00:17:30,467 --> 00:17:34,596
So afraid of any kind of change.
So terrified of anything new.
337
00:17:34,679 --> 00:17:38,391
So desperate to cling to
anything comfortable and familiar.
338
00:17:38,475 --> 00:17:40,310
I can't move to Japan.
339
00:17:40,644 --> 00:17:41,811
Yes! Whoa!
340
00:17:41,895 --> 00:17:46,316
What was I thinking? It's so far
away and I don't speak the language.
341
00:17:46,399 --> 00:17:48,652
I don't even have any
good pictures of you guys.
342
00:17:48,735 --> 00:17:50,445
Oh, sweetie.
343
00:17:50,820 --> 00:17:53,365
Everybody says
change is so great, right?
344
00:17:53,448 --> 00:17:54,908
But what's so
great about change?
345
00:17:54,991 --> 00:17:57,702
Hey, who wants to walk
down to our same old bar,
346
00:17:57,786 --> 00:18:00,080
sit in our regular booth
and order the usual?
347
00:18:00,163 --> 00:18:01,164
Yeah!
348
00:18:01,248 --> 00:18:03,208
The usual! My favorite!
349
00:18:06,127 --> 00:18:07,879
Oh, my god.
350
00:18:13,134 --> 00:18:15,345
Well, well, well.
351
00:18:15,428 --> 00:18:19,099
Ibeheve someone owes me $200.
352
00:18:19,182 --> 00:18:21,309
Barney, this was never a bet.
Nobody...
353
00:18:21,393 --> 00:18:25,272
This proves that I will be
this awesome when I'm 80.
354
00:18:25,355 --> 00:18:27,357
Arthritis-five.
355
00:18:30,527 --> 00:18:31,945
I'm moving to New Jersey.
356
00:18:32,028 --> 00:18:33,029
What?
357
00:18:33,113 --> 00:18:36,408
And you and Marshall should move to your
new place, and Robin should go to Japan.
358
00:18:37,534 --> 00:18:40,036
Because we're gonna get
older whether we like it or not,
359
00:18:40,120 --> 00:18:43,957
so the only question is, whether
we want to get on with our lives
360
00:18:44,040 --> 00:18:47,711
or desperately cling to the
past and end up like that?
361
00:18:47,794 --> 00:18:49,462
You mean awesome?
362
00:18:49,754 --> 00:18:54,426
I'm 80, dude, and I'm
making out with a 22-year-old.
363
00:18:55,260 --> 00:18:57,554
Take me to your place, chéfi.
364
00:18:57,679 --> 00:18:59,764
I want to see your
world war ii medals.
365
00:18:59,848 --> 00:19:02,559
In a minute, mon petit.
366
00:19:03,059 --> 00:19:05,020
All right,
so that doesn't count.
367
00:19:05,103 --> 00:19:06,271
What? Why?
368
00:19:06,354 --> 00:19:09,983
She's French. That's like
playing tennis with the net down.
369
00:19:10,066 --> 00:19:13,278
You know what? I'll cover
the security deposit.
370
00:19:13,361 --> 00:19:16,323
I'm glad to, because
every dent in that place
371
00:19:16,406 --> 00:19:18,742
represents a memory
that I'll Cherish forever.
372
00:19:18,825 --> 00:19:20,160
But on one condition.
373
00:19:20,243 --> 00:19:23,663
We all put aside 10 bucks
every week for the next year,
374
00:19:23,747 --> 00:19:26,958
and we come back here and
we buy that 50-year-old scotch,
375
00:19:27,042 --> 00:19:30,754
and we toast the incredible
life-changing year we've all had.
376
00:19:30,837 --> 00:19:32,630
Get out of our booth.
377
00:19:35,842 --> 00:19:38,970
Me with my new family, Marshall
and Lily in their new apartment,
378
00:19:39,054 --> 00:19:42,349
and Robin as the number-one
English-speaking journalist
379
00:19:42,432 --> 00:19:47,520
in the pacific rim, visiting us here
in New York to celebrate this day,
380
00:19:47,604 --> 00:19:48,730
the day we closed
381
00:19:48,813 --> 00:19:52,692
an incredible chapter in our
lives, only to open up a new one.
382
00:19:53,693 --> 00:19:54,944
Um. I think I left my cell...
383
00:19:55,028 --> 00:19:56,446
Get out of here!
384
00:19:58,948 --> 00:20:01,868
Older Ted: And one year
later, that's exactly what we did.
385
00:20:01,951 --> 00:20:06,373
And so, let's raise a glass of
$2,500 scotch for one hell of a year.
386
00:20:06,456 --> 00:20:07,457
Barney: Hmm.
387
00:20:10,960 --> 00:20:13,046
Amazing. That's unbelievable.
388
00:20:13,129 --> 00:20:16,841
It's kind of smoky, with a
hint of aged cedar, and...
389
00:20:16,925 --> 00:20:19,070
Do you guys taste the difference
between this and $10 scotch?
390
00:20:19,094 --> 00:20:20,136
Not at all. No difference.
391
00:20:20,220 --> 00:20:21,638
I want to cut
mine with red bull.
392
00:20:21,721 --> 00:20:23,098
Oh, Wendy,
will you take a picture?
393
00:20:23,181 --> 00:20:24,432
Sure.
394
00:20:25,058 --> 00:20:27,560
Older Ted: A lot of
things did change that year,
395
00:20:27,644 --> 00:20:29,312
but some things stayed the same.
396
00:20:29,979 --> 00:20:33,691
So, what do you say we move
this party upstairs to the apartment?
397
00:20:33,775 --> 00:20:35,318
Yeah. Great idea.
398
00:20:44,536 --> 00:20:46,246
What the...
399
00:20:47,330 --> 00:20:49,707
Barney, this is an intervention.
400
00:20:50,500 --> 00:20:53,211
I'm sorry, I can't hear you.
401
00:20:53,294 --> 00:20:55,672
All right, enough
with the old-man bit.
402
00:20:56,005 --> 00:20:58,216
What about the old sand pit?
403
00:20:58,299 --> 00:20:59,843
Let it go.
404
00:20:59,926 --> 00:21:03,513
Let it snow?
I love that old ditty!
405
00:21:05,181 --> 00:21:06,558
I'm getting my flail.
406
00:21:07,016 --> 00:21:08,726
You're setting sail?
31663
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