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1
00:00:04,134 --> 00:00:06,136
[dramatic music plays over TV]
2
00:00:06,180 --> 00:00:08,312
What?! No!No, no, no! No, come on!
3
00:00:08,356 --> 00:00:11,228
They didn't even tell us
who murdered the queen!Ugh.
4
00:00:11,272 --> 00:00:12,925
You know what?
It's all good.
5
00:00:12,969 --> 00:00:14,753
The next episode
starts in ten seconds.
6
00:00:14,797 --> 00:00:16,103
Yes. [chuckles]
7
00:00:16,146 --> 00:00:17,887
[sighs]
8
00:00:17,930 --> 00:00:19,845
You know, should we
watch this next episode,
9
00:00:19,889 --> 00:00:22,587
or should we do what we
normally do on Saturday nights?
10
00:00:23,806 --> 00:00:26,156
Unload the dishwasher?
11
00:00:26,200 --> 00:00:28,854
Why would I use my
sexy voice for that?
12
00:00:28,898 --> 00:00:32,032
I'm talking about,
you know... [grunts]
13
00:00:32,075 --> 00:00:34,425
Oh. Ooh. [laughs]
14
00:00:34,469 --> 00:00:35,557
Yeah, let's do that.
15
00:00:35,600 --> 00:00:38,734
All right.
[chuckles]
16
00:00:38,777 --> 00:00:40,301
[dramatic music plays over TV]
17
00:00:40,344 --> 00:00:43,217
Or we could just watch
one more episode.
18
00:00:43,260 --> 00:00:45,480
Ah. God, I love you.
19
00:00:45,523 --> 00:00:47,308
I love you, too.
20
00:00:47,351 --> 00:00:50,311
[sighs] Nope.
We should just do it now,
21
00:00:50,354 --> 00:00:52,617
or it's never gonna happen.Totally agree.
Totally agree.
22
00:00:52,661 --> 00:00:55,620
You know what? I'm gonna
go, uh, wolf down
23
00:00:55,664 --> 00:00:58,319
a piece of that garlic bread so
it's not just on your breath.
24
00:01:01,365 --> 00:01:04,368
Maybe take a bite
of a deviled egg, too.
25
00:01:04,412 --> 00:01:06,588
JAMES CORDEN [over TV]:
...is calling it quits...
26
00:01:06,631 --> 00:01:09,547
Wait, Jake, look, they're
talking about your client on TV.
27
00:01:09,591 --> 00:01:13,638
Big news today, multi-platinum
Australian singer Cooper James
28
00:01:13,682 --> 00:01:16,989
has split with his movie star
flame Sierra Quinn.
29
00:01:17,033 --> 00:01:19,644
[audience groans] I know. It's such a shame
30
00:01:19,688 --> 00:01:21,994
because we all thought
that relationship
31
00:01:22,038 --> 00:01:25,302
could have lasted
well into next week.
32
00:01:25,346 --> 00:01:27,304
Is this gonna affect you?
33
00:01:27,348 --> 00:01:28,610
No, I'm just
Cooper's accountant.
34
00:01:28,653 --> 00:01:30,960
You know what we need
is some tunes.
35
00:01:31,003 --> 00:01:33,832
Alexa! Play "Jake's
New Sex Mix."
36
00:01:33,876 --> 00:01:36,400
ALEXA:
Playing BBC News at Six.
37
00:01:36,444 --> 00:01:38,576
NEWSWOMAN:
Every day, 12-year-old Ekemma
38
00:01:38,620 --> 00:01:41,144
must walk through
her violence-soaked village,
39
00:01:41,188 --> 00:01:44,800
avoiding the same rebels who
raped and murdered her mother.
40
00:01:44,843 --> 00:01:46,236
Shut up, Alexa!
41
00:01:46,280 --> 00:01:47,629
[doorbell ringing rapidly]
42
00:01:47,672 --> 00:01:49,109
Who could that be?
[mutters]
43
00:01:52,329 --> 00:01:54,157
Hi. Is this Jake's house?
44
00:01:54,201 --> 00:01:56,072
Ooh.
45
00:01:56,116 --> 00:01:57,378
That's Cooper James.
46
00:01:57,421 --> 00:01:59,510
Why-why is, why is
Cooper James at our door?
47
00:01:59,554 --> 00:02:01,904
Um... uh...
48
00:02:03,384 --> 00:02:06,213
Cooper James, hi. It is
so nice to meet you.
49
00:02:06,256 --> 00:02:07,866
You must be Claire.Hi.
50
00:02:07,910 --> 00:02:10,869
Ooh, another one.
Oh. [laughs] A third.
51
00:02:10,913 --> 00:02:13,133
I should've taken
a Dramamine.
52
00:02:13,176 --> 00:02:15,657
Sorry. Sorry to barge in
on you like this, Jake,
53
00:02:15,700 --> 00:02:17,354
but I'm having a bit
of an emergency.
54
00:02:17,398 --> 00:02:18,703
Ooh, an accounting emergency.
55
00:02:18,747 --> 00:02:21,141
I've been waiting
my whole life for this.
56
00:02:21,184 --> 00:02:23,360
No, the, uh... the paparazzi
are after me since this breakup,
57
00:02:23,404 --> 00:02:25,667
and I need a safe place to hide,
so I thought,
58
00:02:25,710 --> 00:02:27,147
who is an ordinary guy
59
00:02:27,190 --> 00:02:28,887
living an ordinary life
in a totally ordinary place...
60
00:02:28,931 --> 00:02:31,325
Feel free to stop
saying "ordinary."
61
00:02:31,368 --> 00:02:33,936
I, uh... Is it at all possible
that I crash here
62
00:02:33,979 --> 00:02:35,198
till this all dies down?
63
00:02:35,242 --> 00:02:38,070
Oh, uh...Oh. Uh... [laughs]
64
00:02:38,114 --> 00:02:39,463
Wait, I wasn't interrupting
anything, was I?
65
00:02:39,507 --> 00:02:41,030
No.
No.
66
00:02:41,073 --> 00:02:43,032
No, we were just
sitting watching TV.
67
00:02:43,075 --> 00:02:45,077
Yeah, just TV and...And eating Chex Mix.
68
00:02:45,121 --> 00:02:47,428
ALEXA:
Playing "Jake's Sex Mix."
69
00:02:47,471 --> 00:02:50,039
["Pony" by Ginuwine playing]
70
00:02:57,612 --> 00:03:00,049
♪
71
00:03:07,709 --> 00:03:10,233
So, I talked to Cooper's
manager, and, uh,
72
00:03:10,277 --> 00:03:12,496
Wayne thinks this will all
blow over in a couple of weeks.
73
00:03:12,540 --> 00:03:14,890
Jake, we're not cool enough
74
00:03:14,933 --> 00:03:17,066
to host a guy like Cooper
for that long.
75
00:03:17,109 --> 00:03:19,634
Look at the reminders
popping up on his phone.
76
00:03:19,677 --> 00:03:21,244
Okay?
77
00:03:21,288 --> 00:03:23,420
"Studio session with Rihanna."
78
00:03:23,464 --> 00:03:24,900
[gasps]
79
00:03:24,943 --> 00:03:26,641
"Dinner at The Met.
80
00:03:26,684 --> 00:03:29,121
Get fitted
for a wax sculpture."
81
00:03:30,601 --> 00:03:34,083
We have scented candles, and
this kid is becoming a candle.
82
00:03:34,126 --> 00:03:35,650
Claire-bear. [chuckles]
83
00:03:35,693 --> 00:03:38,479
My nickname in college
was "Dr. Dunk." Okay?
84
00:03:38,522 --> 00:03:43,571
You once got pulled up on
stage by Sir Dave Matthews.
85
00:03:43,614 --> 00:03:45,573
It's not like
we're new to the game.
86
00:03:45,616 --> 00:03:47,183
I don't think anyone calls it
"the game" anymore.
87
00:03:47,227 --> 00:03:49,272
Trust me, babe, the key
to handling famous people
88
00:03:49,316 --> 00:03:50,795
is just to not try that hard.
89
00:03:51,796 --> 00:03:55,278
Coop-burger!
90
00:03:55,322 --> 00:03:57,411
How'd you schnooze?
91
00:03:57,454 --> 00:03:59,195
Great. Hey, I hope
you don't mind,
92
00:03:59,239 --> 00:04:00,588
but I didn't bring
any, uh, clothes,
93
00:04:00,631 --> 00:04:01,806
so I just grabbed a couple
things from your closet.
94
00:04:03,939 --> 00:04:06,898
Those are from my closet.
95
00:04:06,942 --> 00:04:10,902
And they look amazing on you.
96
00:04:10,946 --> 00:04:12,382
[laughing]:
They do.
97
00:04:12,426 --> 00:04:15,298
So, uh, do you guys mind
if I hang out with you today?
98
00:04:15,342 --> 00:04:17,866
Aren't you going fly-fishing
with Jaden Smith?
99
00:04:19,476 --> 00:04:21,609
I'm just loving
how simple things are here.
100
00:04:21,652 --> 00:04:24,046
Life with Sierra
was always so fancy, but...
101
00:04:24,089 --> 00:04:26,091
you guys literally put
an "eat" sign on the wall
102
00:04:26,135 --> 00:04:27,832
'cause that's what you do
in a kitchen.
103
00:04:29,094 --> 00:04:32,533
Yeah, picked that
bad boy up from Costco.
104
00:04:32,576 --> 00:04:34,665
It's a private store, but, uh,
I can get you on the list.
105
00:04:36,188 --> 00:04:39,061
Yeah. Yeah, being here is
reminding me so much of my life
106
00:04:39,104 --> 00:04:40,323
before all this craziness.
107
00:04:40,367 --> 00:04:41,368
You know,
when I was in Australia,
108
00:04:41,411 --> 00:04:42,369
living with my parents.
109
00:04:42,412 --> 00:04:45,981
[laughing]: Parents.[laughs]
110
00:04:46,024 --> 00:04:48,679
Oh.
Oh.
111
00:04:48,723 --> 00:04:50,072
CLAIRE:
You're not kidding.
112
00:04:50,115 --> 00:04:52,727
Um, we're only, like,
ten years older than you.
113
00:04:52,770 --> 00:04:54,163
Don't mind her, dude.
114
00:04:54,206 --> 00:04:55,251
She's new to the game.
115
00:04:56,687 --> 00:04:58,210
What game?
116
00:04:58,254 --> 00:05:00,343
Hey, man, you want to goose
some 'stree with me?
117
00:05:00,387 --> 00:05:02,780
Some 'stree.
You want to goose it?
118
00:05:02,824 --> 00:05:06,480
He's-he's offering you a pastry
in a very weird voice.
119
00:05:07,655 --> 00:05:10,353
You are so lucky you get
to eat whatever you want.
120
00:05:11,746 --> 00:05:13,443
Oh, my God.
Right?
121
00:05:13,487 --> 00:05:15,663
Oh, my God.
Yup.
122
00:05:15,706 --> 00:05:17,534
Claire!
123
00:05:17,578 --> 00:05:20,711
This is the best thing ever.
124
00:05:20,755 --> 00:05:22,452
What would
someone call this?
125
00:05:22,496 --> 00:05:25,977
Someone would call that
a Toaster Strudel.
126
00:05:27,109 --> 00:05:29,503
You've got to give
me the recipe.
Oh.
127
00:05:29,546 --> 00:05:34,029
Oh, it's easy: you just put it
in a toaster, and you hit down.
128
00:05:34,072 --> 00:05:36,858
Amazing. So, uh,
what are you up to?
129
00:05:36,901 --> 00:05:39,861
Oh, I'm just syncing up Jake and
my work calendars for the week.
130
00:05:39,904 --> 00:05:42,211
I, uh, design
restaurants and bars.
131
00:05:42,254 --> 00:05:43,995
That's so cool.
Any places I would know?
132
00:05:44,039 --> 00:05:47,477
Oh, uh, well, the last place
was this French restaurant
133
00:05:47,521 --> 00:05:48,957
called Le Jardin Bleu.
134
00:05:49,000 --> 00:05:50,567
Are you serious?
135
00:05:52,221 --> 00:05:54,919
That is literally my
favorite restaurant.
136
00:05:55,920 --> 00:05:57,444
Really?
Mm-hmm.
137
00:05:57,487 --> 00:06:00,360
Yeah, yeah, I eat there
every time I'm in Morocco.
138
00:06:01,796 --> 00:06:03,406
Oh. [chuckles]
139
00:06:03,450 --> 00:06:08,106
Um, well, I designed the one
that is in the Best Buy Mall,
140
00:06:08,150 --> 00:06:13,285
um, just north of Oxnard.
141
00:06:13,329 --> 00:06:16,550
Well, I can't wait
to try it someday.
142
00:06:16,593 --> 00:06:19,248
What's "Saturday night
course work"?
143
00:06:19,291 --> 00:06:22,425
[groans]
144
00:06:22,469 --> 00:06:23,905
What?
145
00:06:23,948 --> 00:06:26,037
What?What's "Saturday night
course work"?
146
00:06:26,081 --> 00:06:27,169
What's what-what-what-what?
147
00:06:28,257 --> 00:06:30,564
"Saturday night
course work."
148
00:06:30,607 --> 00:06:32,914
[sighs] All right,
look, man.
149
00:06:32,957 --> 00:06:35,264
So, my assistant has access
to our calendar, right?Mm-hmm.
150
00:06:35,307 --> 00:06:38,833
So "course" is short
for "intercourse."
151
00:06:38,876 --> 00:06:40,530
What?
152
00:06:40,574 --> 00:06:42,924
Intercourse. [chuckles]
What?
153
00:06:42,967 --> 00:06:45,927
Making sex!
154
00:06:45,970 --> 00:06:47,668
Yeah, we put it in the
calendar so we don't go
155
00:06:47,711 --> 00:06:48,756
more than a week
without having it.
156
00:06:48,799 --> 00:06:49,931
Ah.
Yeah.
157
00:06:49,974 --> 00:06:51,411
Well, I guess I can relate.
158
00:06:51,454 --> 00:06:52,673
Yeah, with Sierra, we often
had to schedule breaks
159
00:06:52,716 --> 00:06:56,198
in our sex life...
Right.
160
00:06:56,241 --> 00:06:58,287
...because we were
having so much of it.Right, right.
161
00:06:58,330 --> 00:07:00,463
And, um, I developed
a condition
162
00:07:00,507 --> 00:07:02,552
my doctors identified
as "stud pole."
163
00:07:02,596 --> 00:07:04,815
Mm. "Stud pole."
164
00:07:04,859 --> 00:07:06,687
Or, as I like to
call it, "college."
165
00:07:06,730 --> 00:07:08,428
[laughs]
166
00:07:08,471 --> 00:07:10,778
Okay. He dated one
girl the whole time,
167
00:07:10,821 --> 00:07:12,823
and you're looking at her.
168
00:07:13,998 --> 00:07:15,826
Hey, I was, uh,
actually gonna sneak away
169
00:07:15,870 --> 00:07:18,263
to a private club tonight
if you guys wanted to join?
170
00:07:18,307 --> 00:07:20,004
Oh.
Ooh.
But I-- ooh, no, I see
171
00:07:20,048 --> 00:07:21,963
you've got a couples massage
booked today.
172
00:07:22,006 --> 00:07:23,965
Oh, no. That's, uh--
I think you misread that.
173
00:07:24,008 --> 00:07:25,619
That's "couples message."
174
00:07:25,662 --> 00:07:27,359
Yeah, um...
[laughs]
175
00:07:27,403 --> 00:07:29,710
Jake and I are kind of famous
with our friends for recording
176
00:07:29,753 --> 00:07:31,625
silly outgoing messages
on our landline.
177
00:07:31,668 --> 00:07:35,367
Yeah, we absolutely
crushed our last one.
178
00:07:35,411 --> 00:07:37,500
Hit him with a taste, C-Train.No, I don't think...
179
00:07:37,544 --> 00:07:40,634
Come on, girl.♪ Hey, when you get
180
00:07:40,677 --> 00:07:44,594
♪ To the end of the tone
181
00:07:44,638 --> 00:07:48,424
♪ Please leave a message
182
00:07:48,468 --> 00:07:53,908
♪ We'll get back to you,
we'll get back to you ♪
183
00:07:53,951 --> 00:07:56,650
♪ Hey, girl
184
00:07:56,693 --> 00:08:00,610
♪ I'm so sad to miss your sweet,
sweet voice, but, uh ♪
185
00:08:00,654 --> 00:08:03,744
♪ Why don't you lay down a
smooth track with your deets ♪
186
00:08:03,787 --> 00:08:07,835
♪ And, uh, I'll get back
187
00:08:07,878 --> 00:08:08,966
BOTH:
♪ A'ight?
188
00:08:09,010 --> 00:08:11,055
[both laugh]
189
00:08:11,099 --> 00:08:13,362
It's so g...
It's so great.
190
00:08:13,405 --> 00:08:15,016
I can't...
191
00:08:15,059 --> 00:08:16,844
[laughter fading]
192
00:08:16,887 --> 00:08:19,847
Ah...
[clears throat]
Ah...
193
00:08:19,890 --> 00:08:23,546
Cooper, we would love to
come out with you tonight.
194
00:08:23,590 --> 00:08:26,897
[dance music playing]
195
00:08:26,941 --> 00:08:28,899
Whoa.
196
00:08:28,943 --> 00:08:31,249
Oh, my God.
197
00:08:32,381 --> 00:08:34,426
This place is incredible.
198
00:08:35,558 --> 00:08:38,213
Guys, this is
my security guard, Nightmare.
199
00:08:38,256 --> 00:08:39,693
Ha-ha! Nightmare.
200
00:08:39,736 --> 00:08:41,695
What up, player?
[chuckles]
201
00:08:41,738 --> 00:08:43,827
Yeah.
202
00:08:43,871 --> 00:08:45,829
Okay, Jake, are we
too lame to be here?
203
00:08:45,873 --> 00:08:47,701
No.
204
00:08:52,227 --> 00:08:53,576
Yes!
205
00:08:53,620 --> 00:08:56,187
How am I doing?
206
00:08:56,231 --> 00:08:58,450
Uh, maybe try using
your upper body, too.
207
00:09:00,670 --> 00:09:01,715
It's lovely you're having fun.
208
00:09:01,758 --> 00:09:03,107
Shots!
209
00:09:05,849 --> 00:09:07,155
Ooh.
210
00:09:07,198 --> 00:09:10,506
Yeah! Yeah!
211
00:09:10,550 --> 00:09:12,247
Best Sunday night ever!
212
00:09:12,290 --> 00:09:13,553
Yeah!
Yeah!
213
00:09:14,728 --> 00:09:18,035
[retches, coughs]
214
00:09:18,079 --> 00:09:20,777
Nightmare!
215
00:09:24,607 --> 00:09:27,436
Next time.
216
00:09:30,961 --> 00:09:32,920
Jake?
217
00:09:32,963 --> 00:09:34,486
Jake!
218
00:09:34,530 --> 00:09:37,925
Yeah, I'll slam
another Bud Light Lime.
219
00:09:37,968 --> 00:09:41,624
What happened last night?
220
00:09:41,668 --> 00:09:45,323
Well, I know
we came home to get it on...
221
00:09:46,803 --> 00:09:48,936
...uh, but you wanted
to grab a quick snack,
222
00:09:48,979 --> 00:09:52,635
and I went upstairs to change
into a sexier outfit.
223
00:09:52,679 --> 00:09:53,941
And then did we get it on?
224
00:09:53,984 --> 00:09:56,944
I don't think so.Oh.
225
00:09:58,075 --> 00:10:00,469
Ugh, I am so hungover.
226
00:10:00,512 --> 00:10:02,732
There is no way
that I could go to work today.
227
00:10:02,776 --> 00:10:06,649
And I am so sore from
all that dancing.
228
00:10:06,693 --> 00:10:08,129
Holy crap, it's
Rylie Connors.
229
00:10:08,172 --> 00:10:10,871
Ugh, yeah, it's just
some fluff piece.
230
00:10:10,914 --> 00:10:13,961
But man, look at her butt.
I just want to bite it.
231
00:10:14,004 --> 00:10:16,790
[growling noises]
232
00:10:16,833 --> 00:10:19,401
Hi.
233
00:10:19,444 --> 00:10:21,925
Hi. This is my friend Rylie.
234
00:10:21,969 --> 00:10:24,014
Rylie, this is, uh,
Jake and Claire Davis.
235
00:10:24,058 --> 00:10:26,582
You have a very nice home,
Mr. and Mrs. Davis.
236
00:10:26,626 --> 00:10:27,931
[laughs]"Mrs. Davis"?
237
00:10:27,975 --> 00:10:29,280
[laughs]What do you think...
238
00:10:31,718 --> 00:10:36,418
Rylie! Rylie, I mean, come on.
Girl child.
239
00:10:38,202 --> 00:10:40,117
Jake and I
are just like you guys.
240
00:10:40,161 --> 00:10:43,512
We're young and fun
and... full of beans.
241
00:10:44,731 --> 00:10:46,558
"Mr. Davis" makes me
sound like some sort of
242
00:10:46,602 --> 00:10:48,604
old man, which I am not.
243
00:10:48,648 --> 00:10:50,562
[groans]
244
00:10:50,606 --> 00:10:53,696
[strained]:
Oh, I got it. I got it.
245
00:10:53,740 --> 00:10:55,045
Last night was so crazy.
246
00:10:55,089 --> 00:10:57,787
Um, are you...
are you not hungover?
247
00:10:57,831 --> 00:10:58,875
Oh, I just decided years ago
248
00:10:58,919 --> 00:11:00,442
to never let alcohol
make me hungover.
249
00:11:00,485 --> 00:11:01,878
Dude, same.
250
00:11:04,402 --> 00:11:06,187
Uh, Claire-bear, could
you do me a quick slice
251
00:11:06,230 --> 00:11:07,362
and tilt this baby back up?
252
00:11:07,405 --> 00:11:09,407
Thank you.
[chuckles]
253
00:11:10,408 --> 00:11:11,714
Anyway, we've been
out all night,
254
00:11:11,758 --> 00:11:13,368
so, uh, we're gonna
go to bed.
255
00:11:13,411 --> 00:11:14,935
Good night, Mr. and Mrs. Davis.
256
00:11:14,978 --> 00:11:16,197
CLAIRE:
Okay.
257
00:11:16,240 --> 00:11:19,287
We're barely older than you.
258
00:11:19,330 --> 00:11:21,289
Baby, you passed out
in your cereal.
259
00:11:21,332 --> 00:11:22,725
[groans]
260
00:11:25,597 --> 00:11:27,861
[alarm beeping]
261
00:11:27,904 --> 00:11:30,037
Look, someone secretly
took photos of me
262
00:11:30,080 --> 00:11:31,691
dancing with Cooper
at that nightclub.
263
00:11:31,734 --> 00:11:34,128
[exhales] "Cooper James
seems to have traded in
264
00:11:34,171 --> 00:11:36,173
"his 19-year-old
Lamborghini Sierra
265
00:11:36,217 --> 00:11:38,959
for what appears to be
a 40-year-old cargo van."
266
00:11:39,002 --> 00:11:42,353
What the hell? They cropped
me out of the picture.
267
00:11:42,397 --> 00:11:43,877
Our phones are blowing up.
268
00:11:43,920 --> 00:11:45,835
Everyone we know thinks I'm
having an affair with Cooper.
269
00:11:45,879 --> 00:11:48,229
[phone vibrating]Oh, here's one from my dad.
270
00:11:48,272 --> 00:11:51,319
"I told you, if you stopped
working out, you'd lose her."
271
00:11:51,362 --> 00:11:52,581
[mutters]
272
00:11:52,624 --> 00:11:53,930
Jake, this is so embarrassing.
273
00:11:53,974 --> 00:11:56,367
Now my boss knows
that I lied about being sick,
274
00:11:56,411 --> 00:11:58,500
and everyone else thinks
that I'm an adulterer.
275
00:11:58,543 --> 00:12:00,284
Do you think you're overreacting
just a little?
276
00:12:00,328 --> 00:12:01,895
[crying]:
I don't think so.
277
00:12:01,938 --> 00:12:04,419
Look at this e-mail
I just got from our pastor.
278
00:12:04,462 --> 00:12:05,986
"Can you get me concert tickets,
279
00:12:06,029 --> 00:12:09,293
or was this a
'hit it and quit it' situation?"
280
00:12:12,949 --> 00:12:14,429
Aw, look.
281
00:12:14,472 --> 00:12:16,692
Us Weeklyis calling
Cooper's mystery girl
282
00:12:16,736 --> 00:12:20,043
"an inspiration
to bland women everywhere."
283
00:12:20,783 --> 00:12:22,045
Claire! Claire!Claire!
284
00:12:22,089 --> 00:12:23,264
GERALD: Jake! Jake!BONNIE: Jake!
285
00:12:23,307 --> 00:12:25,832
Mom, Dad, what-what
are you doing here?
286
00:12:25,875 --> 00:12:27,703
I was making smoothies
for us this morning,
287
00:12:27,747 --> 00:12:30,924
and I realized I didn't
have enough vodka, so...
288
00:12:30,967 --> 00:12:33,187
so I ran out
to the store
289
00:12:33,230 --> 00:12:36,190
to get another case,
and I see this.
290
00:12:36,233 --> 00:12:38,192
My daughter cheating
on her husband
291
00:12:38,235 --> 00:12:40,629
with the singer
of my favorite workout music.
292
00:12:40,672 --> 00:12:42,239
How could you do this?
293
00:12:42,283 --> 00:12:45,677
Claire, you've ruined
Zumba for me.
294
00:12:46,853 --> 00:12:49,377
Jake, I hate that this
has happened to you.
295
00:12:49,420 --> 00:12:50,552
Look, you're a good guy,
and I think
296
00:12:50,595 --> 00:12:52,815
I speak for both
Bonnie and me when I say
297
00:12:52,859 --> 00:12:54,643
take care and good luck.
298
00:12:54,686 --> 00:12:56,210
Thanks for everything.
299
00:12:56,253 --> 00:12:57,602
CLAIRE:
Okay, guys, stop.
300
00:12:57,646 --> 00:12:59,387
I am not having
an affair with Cooper.
301
00:12:59,430 --> 00:13:02,433
He is Jake's client,
and he is just staying with us.
302
00:13:02,477 --> 00:13:03,826
Morning, guys.
Oh!
303
00:13:03,870 --> 00:13:07,177
Hey. H-Hey. Whoa.[screaming]
304
00:13:07,221 --> 00:13:09,223
CLAIRE:
Okay.
305
00:13:09,266 --> 00:13:12,226
Cooper, I'm sorry.
These are my parents.
306
00:13:12,269 --> 00:13:14,271
Okay. It's so lovely
to meet you.
307
00:13:14,315 --> 00:13:17,405
Oh. Oh, that's-- oh.
Ha! Ho, ho!
308
00:13:17,448 --> 00:13:19,799
How about one in the middle?
Balance it out.
309
00:13:19,842 --> 00:13:22,018
Hey, why don't we park
ourselves in the living room
310
00:13:22,062 --> 00:13:23,890
and get to know each other
over a glass of lemonade?
311
00:13:23,933 --> 00:13:26,718
No. This our home. You can't
just loiter here all day.
312
00:13:26,762 --> 00:13:28,633
Ooh![soft laughter]
313
00:13:28,677 --> 00:13:30,810
Now, who has a lemon?
314
00:13:30,853 --> 00:13:32,855
All right, I know you guys
are doctors and everything,
315
00:13:32,899 --> 00:13:34,857
but is it possible that
you're drinking too much?
316
00:13:34,901 --> 00:13:37,512
[babbling gibberish]
317
00:13:38,861 --> 00:13:41,646
Jake, everyone knows
that you can't be an alcoholic
318
00:13:41,690 --> 00:13:42,865
if you're retired.
319
00:13:42,909 --> 00:13:43,866
Oh.
320
00:13:45,912 --> 00:13:48,479
[whimpers]:
Oh. Jake.
321
00:13:48,523 --> 00:13:50,481
I am tired and hungover,
322
00:13:50,525 --> 00:13:54,007
and I am currently the most
famous cougar on the planet.
323
00:13:54,050 --> 00:13:57,575
And now my parents are going
to never stop coming over.
324
00:13:57,619 --> 00:13:59,055
Yeah, you're right.
This is too much.
325
00:13:59,099 --> 00:14:01,362
We have to find a way
to get Cooper out of our house.
326
00:14:09,196 --> 00:14:12,242
Hey, congratulations,
Jake. [chuckles]
327
00:14:12,286 --> 00:14:14,027
If you're gonna get cheated
on, at least it's with
328
00:14:14,070 --> 00:14:15,724
a celebrity you can brag about.
329
00:14:15,767 --> 00:14:17,900
How may I help you, Wayne?
330
00:14:17,944 --> 00:14:20,729
I booked Cooper and Sierra
a lucrative photo spread
331
00:14:20,772 --> 00:14:22,339
in Liquid Magazine.
332
00:14:22,383 --> 00:14:24,907
Sierra loves the idea, but
Cooper's not answering my calls.
333
00:14:24,951 --> 00:14:26,996
I'm his manager, Jake.
He should be taking my calls.
334
00:14:27,040 --> 00:14:29,216
Well, yeah, but I think
he's trying to, you know,
335
00:14:29,259 --> 00:14:31,174
take a break from all
that craziness, you know?
336
00:14:31,218 --> 00:14:34,047
Sure. But I'm just gonna text
you Sierra's number
337
00:14:34,090 --> 00:14:35,526
while you think about this.
338
00:14:35,570 --> 00:14:37,398
As soon as he moves
back in with her,
339
00:14:37,441 --> 00:14:40,053
you'll get your house back
to start repairing things
340
00:14:40,096 --> 00:14:41,881
with the lady
Us Weeklyis calling
341
00:14:41,924 --> 00:14:45,275
"the hottest regular woman
in greater Encino."
342
00:14:49,976 --> 00:14:52,500
♪
343
00:14:52,543 --> 00:14:53,675
[doorbell rings]
344
00:14:53,718 --> 00:14:55,546
Oh, who could that be?
345
00:14:58,941 --> 00:15:01,683
Sierra Quinn.
What a surprise.
346
00:15:02,858 --> 00:15:05,078
You must be Jake and Chloe.
347
00:15:05,121 --> 00:15:06,818
Well, uh, my name's Claire.
348
00:15:06,862 --> 00:15:08,385
Pass.
349
00:15:08,429 --> 00:15:11,258
Sierra, what-what
are you doing here?
350
00:15:11,301 --> 00:15:12,781
I just came to say
351
00:15:12,824 --> 00:15:14,914
that I'm willing to let
pylons be pylons.
352
00:15:16,437 --> 00:15:18,439
We're too big a brand
to let some old lady
353
00:15:18,482 --> 00:15:20,093
with her original teeth
come between us.
354
00:15:20,136 --> 00:15:22,095
No offense, Corky.
355
00:15:22,138 --> 00:15:25,272
That's not even
close to "Claire."
356
00:15:25,315 --> 00:15:28,449
I don't know, every time we
have the smallest argument,
357
00:15:28,492 --> 00:15:29,754
you get so dramatic.
358
00:15:29,798 --> 00:15:32,975
You saying that makes me
want to kill myself.
359
00:15:34,107 --> 00:15:36,109
Jake, are we sure that
this is a good idea?
360
00:15:36,152 --> 00:15:39,112
'Cause this girl seems
pretty... horrendous.
361
00:15:39,155 --> 00:15:41,070
No...
362
00:15:41,114 --> 00:15:43,116
It's just that these two
have taught me that passion
363
00:15:43,159 --> 00:15:45,292
doesn't have to be the driving
force in a relationship.
364
00:15:47,076 --> 00:15:50,471
Sometimes it's better to have a
pal that you can sleep next to,
365
00:15:50,514 --> 00:15:52,168
like two old friends
sharing a hotel room
366
00:15:52,212 --> 00:15:53,561
that accidentally
came with one bed.
367
00:15:53,604 --> 00:15:54,997
Nah.
Okay!
368
00:15:55,041 --> 00:15:56,433
Obviously,
369
00:15:56,477 --> 00:15:58,740
you two have some stuff
to figure out,
370
00:15:58,783 --> 00:16:02,178
but it would be a shame to
give up on something this good.
371
00:16:03,440 --> 00:16:05,312
That old lady
does have a point.
372
00:16:06,574 --> 00:16:08,358
That's nice, but...
373
00:16:08,402 --> 00:16:10,665
I'm kind of enjoying
my life here.
374
00:16:10,708 --> 00:16:13,711
Yeah, I-I'm sure, but obviously
this can't be permanent.
375
00:16:13,755 --> 00:16:16,236
You know, I mean,
you're way too young and cool
376
00:16:16,279 --> 00:16:18,412
to be sitting around
on a couch eating popcorn
377
00:16:18,455 --> 00:16:19,848
with some lame
married couple.
378
00:16:19,891 --> 00:16:22,242
[gives a silly laugh]
379
00:16:22,285 --> 00:16:24,766
JAKE: That's us.CLAIRE: Yeah.
380
00:16:24,809 --> 00:16:26,507
Yeah, y-you're probably right.
381
00:16:26,550 --> 00:16:30,119
Um, I guess we can
give it another try.
382
00:16:30,163 --> 00:16:33,993
Oh, my God! I am over the
moose with excitement.
383
00:16:37,648 --> 00:16:39,128
I guess I'll see you
next tax season, then.
384
00:16:39,172 --> 00:16:40,477
Hey, you can account
on that.
385
00:16:42,740 --> 00:16:45,526
Bye, Cooper.
You know, it's been fun.
386
00:16:45,569 --> 00:16:46,875
Oh, you know what,
387
00:16:46,918 --> 00:16:49,182
you take these Toaster Strudel
for the road, okay?
388
00:16:49,225 --> 00:16:51,184
Yeah. Yeah.Cool. All right.
389
00:16:51,227 --> 00:16:54,100
Uh, hey, uh,
thanks for everything.
390
00:16:55,666 --> 00:16:58,017
It was so nice
to meet you, Jake.
391
00:16:58,060 --> 00:16:59,453
Bye, Clug.
392
00:17:01,281 --> 00:17:04,197
Clug? That's not even a name!
393
00:17:05,763 --> 00:17:08,201
♪
394
00:17:08,244 --> 00:17:10,725
Cheers.
To having our house back.
395
00:17:10,768 --> 00:17:12,074
It's been a week
since Cooper left.
396
00:17:12,118 --> 00:17:14,076
Do you think our boy's
doing okay?
397
00:17:14,120 --> 00:17:15,556
Cooper is a human dolphin.
398
00:17:15,599 --> 00:17:17,079
He's happy everywhere.
399
00:17:17,123 --> 00:17:20,300
That's true. It was pretty fun
having him here, though.
400
00:17:20,343 --> 00:17:23,868
And it had been forever
since we'd gone out dancing.
401
00:17:23,912 --> 00:17:27,524
Oh, what is going on in here?
402
00:17:27,568 --> 00:17:29,483
BONNIE:
Jake, Claire!
403
00:17:29,526 --> 00:17:30,571
Oh, damn, Jake!
404
00:17:30,614 --> 00:17:32,573
How could you two
be getting it on
405
00:17:32,616 --> 00:17:34,096
at a time like this?
406
00:17:34,140 --> 00:17:37,360
You two, you kicked that
sweet boy out of your home,
407
00:17:37,404 --> 00:17:40,581
and I want you to see
just how sad you've made him.
408
00:17:40,624 --> 00:17:42,104
REPORTER:
Cooper, Sierra.
409
00:17:42,148 --> 00:17:44,106
REPORTER 2: Are you excited
to be back together?
410
00:17:44,150 --> 00:17:45,238
Well, we...
411
00:17:45,281 --> 00:17:46,717
I'll tell you what
I told Cooper earlier.
412
00:17:46,761 --> 00:17:48,502
He's very happy.
413
00:17:48,545 --> 00:17:51,287
Wow, I don't think I've ever
seen Cooper not smiling.
414
00:17:51,331 --> 00:17:52,723
He's miserable.
415
00:17:52,767 --> 00:17:54,595
And do you see what restaurant
he's coming out of?
416
00:17:54,638 --> 00:17:56,771
Oh, my God.
417
00:17:56,814 --> 00:17:58,947
Is that Le Jardin Bleu?
418
00:17:58,990 --> 00:18:01,602
No way.
He told me he was gonna go,
419
00:18:01,645 --> 00:18:03,473
but I thought he was
just saying that.
420
00:18:03,517 --> 00:18:05,997
Turns out he's just a sweet guy.
421
00:18:06,041 --> 00:18:08,609
I mean, it's nice and all,
but this is the life
422
00:18:08,652 --> 00:18:10,785
he's supposed to be leading.CLAIRE: Ugh.
423
00:18:10,828 --> 00:18:12,265
We never should have
sent him back to her.
424
00:18:12,308 --> 00:18:13,701
JAKE:
Yeah, right, but...
425
00:18:13,744 --> 00:18:15,442
what's the alternative,
have him come live with us?
426
00:18:15,485 --> 00:18:17,966
I don't know, I mean, he needs
someone looking out for him,
427
00:18:18,009 --> 00:18:19,620
and he sure as heck
isn't getting it
428
00:18:19,663 --> 00:18:20,925
from anyone else
in his life.
429
00:18:22,231 --> 00:18:24,755
You're right.
430
00:18:24,799 --> 00:18:26,931
Come on, Claire,
let's go get our boy.
431
00:18:26,975 --> 00:18:28,672
BONNIE: Oh, yay.
GERALD: Yes.
432
00:18:28,716 --> 00:18:30,718
♪
433
00:18:31,762 --> 00:18:33,547
Oh, man, this is
so good, man.
434
00:18:33,590 --> 00:18:35,679
Ouais. Ouais.
435
00:18:35,723 --> 00:18:37,203
C'est très magnifique.
436
00:18:37,246 --> 00:18:38,552
C'est très
magnifique, Cooper.
437
00:18:38,595 --> 00:18:40,902
How much longer are we thinking?
438
00:18:40,945 --> 00:18:42,947
I can feel my heartbeat
in my face.
439
00:18:45,515 --> 00:18:48,214
What on earth is
going on in here?
440
00:18:48,257 --> 00:18:49,215
Hey, guys.
441
00:18:49,258 --> 00:18:51,391
Uh, hey, uh, Cooper.
442
00:18:51,434 --> 00:18:53,567
We need...
we need to talk to you.
443
00:18:53,610 --> 00:18:55,351
Ugh. Clug.
444
00:18:56,483 --> 00:18:58,180
Let's take a five.
445
00:18:58,224 --> 00:19:00,139
Let's go.
446
00:19:00,182 --> 00:19:01,662
So good to see you guys.
447
00:19:01,705 --> 00:19:06,275
Wait, it is you guys, right?
I-I'm starting to hallucinate.
448
00:19:06,319 --> 00:19:09,452
Uh, can somebody get him
down from there, please?
449
00:19:09,496 --> 00:19:12,412
Um, so, Cooper,
450
00:19:12,455 --> 00:19:14,196
we've been thinking that...
that maybe you were
451
00:19:14,240 --> 00:19:16,372
a little too hasty
in leaving our house.
452
00:19:16,416 --> 00:19:19,158
And I know we just started
getting to know you,
453
00:19:19,201 --> 00:19:20,594
but I feel like
it's long enough
454
00:19:20,637 --> 00:19:22,813
to know that
all th... all this
455
00:19:22,857 --> 00:19:25,555
just, uh... just
isn't you, man.
456
00:19:25,599 --> 00:19:29,255
Yeah, and-and even though
we said it would be weird
457
00:19:29,298 --> 00:19:32,258
for you to live with a lame
married couple like us...
458
00:19:32,301 --> 00:19:33,607
We do think you
belong in a place
459
00:19:33,650 --> 00:19:36,349
where you could
be an ordinary guy
460
00:19:36,392 --> 00:19:39,569
living an ordinary life
with two ordinary people
461
00:19:39,613 --> 00:19:40,962
that really
care about you.
462
00:19:41,005 --> 00:19:43,007
Um, who unhooked you?
463
00:19:43,051 --> 00:19:44,835
We're not done here.
464
00:19:45,836 --> 00:19:47,621
Yeah, I-I think we are.
465
00:19:47,664 --> 00:19:50,363
Look, Sierra,
you're incredible, but...
466
00:19:50,406 --> 00:19:51,973
being around Jake
and Claire this week,
467
00:19:52,016 --> 00:19:54,802
it's made me want
something different.
468
00:19:54,845 --> 00:19:57,108
So does that mean you're gonna
come live with us for a bit?
469
00:19:57,152 --> 00:19:59,372
Yeah. Yeah, I am.
470
00:19:59,415 --> 00:20:01,330
All right!
471
00:20:01,374 --> 00:20:03,680
I can't believe
you're doing this to me.
472
00:20:03,724 --> 00:20:06,553
Alexa, play breakup mix.
473
00:20:11,166 --> 00:20:13,124
[somber piano music playing]
474
00:20:13,168 --> 00:20:15,518
♪
475
00:20:15,562 --> 00:20:17,041
Is there anything else
I can...
476
00:20:17,085 --> 00:20:19,087
That'll be all, Alexa.
477
00:20:21,742 --> 00:20:23,265
Let's get you home, buddy.[laughs]
478
00:20:23,309 --> 00:20:25,572
You want to grab
some clothes?
479
00:20:25,615 --> 00:20:27,095
Ah, I look better
in your stuff anyway.Oh.
480
00:20:27,138 --> 00:20:28,879
Oh. Okay, bye, Alexa.
481
00:20:28,923 --> 00:20:30,403
My name is Suzanne.
482
00:20:36,017 --> 00:20:38,541
All right.
Saturday night.
483
00:20:38,585 --> 00:20:40,021
Should we do this?
Yes.
484
00:20:40,064 --> 00:20:42,110
Okay, so I was thinking
we'd try a little
485
00:20:42,153 --> 00:20:43,503
Garth Brooks country.
486
00:20:43,546 --> 00:20:44,852
Okay. Easy.
487
00:20:44,895 --> 00:20:46,288
Yeah?
Yeah.
488
00:20:46,332 --> 00:20:48,029
Okay.
489
00:20:49,813 --> 00:20:53,991
♪ Oh, we get calls from
all kinds of places ♪
490
00:20:54,035 --> 00:20:55,819
♪ Keep your message short
491
00:20:55,863 --> 00:20:58,126
♪ We'll get back to you
492
00:20:58,169 --> 00:21:00,868
♪ Oh, we get calls
493
00:21:00,911 --> 00:21:04,480
♪ From all kinds of places.
494
00:21:04,524 --> 00:21:06,134
Hey, girl.
495
00:21:06,177 --> 00:21:10,181
Sorry I missed the buttery tones
of your sweet, sweet voice,
496
00:21:10,225 --> 00:21:14,447
but, uh, please leave a message,
and we'll get back.
497
00:21:14,490 --> 00:21:16,492
A'ight?
498
00:21:16,536 --> 00:21:19,060
ALL:
Bye!
499
00:21:23,543 --> 00:21:27,503
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