Original subtitles

- It's like, whenever somebody comes out and they're trashing somebody else,

I get it. You know, that person's a piece of shit.

But, what about you?

Huh?

What are you doing?

Just going around vetting people.

Let me ask you this. Who's vetting the vetters?

[static]

Shit only runs one fucking way with those social justice warriors.

They're sexist! And they're intolerant.

What about Coco Chanel?

She's a feminist hero?

This fucking chick liked clothes more than she liked people.

No one's saying shit about her.

Fucking Nazis took over her own country

and then, the second she saw them showing up,

in their fucking Hugo Boss uniforms,

she was all down with them.

She was a Nazi sympathizer.

"Ooh, but does she make a nice purse!"

[funky synth rock instrumental]

[grunting]

[crickets buzzing]

[sobbing]

[sniffling]

[engine rumbling]

[engine fading]

- What the fuck are you doing here?

- Come on, get out of the way, you fucking tree hugger.

[birds chirping]

[gasping]

- I will not!

[chains jangling]

You pollute the atmosphere,

you cu-cut down trees

and, you know...

the ozone- - Hey, that's really cool,

but one way or another, we're coming through.

[birds chirping]

♪

[sighing]

[shovel clanging]

[panting]

[footsteps]

[sighing]

[ominous music]

♪

[news theme]

REPORTER: Chestnut Valley, the center of a high profile standoff

between the expansion of local infrastructure

and extremist environmentalists.

At the center of it all, Clint Irwin.

- Is it a crime to care about the planet?

REPORTER: Clint says there's no one more knowledgeable than him

on the topic of deforestation.

- You know, who needs paper?

You know? Everything's online.

- I think it's great.

He's standing up for what he believes in.

I wish we had more of that in this country.

- You know, every tree branch is like a cloud, someday,

because of oxygen through... [inhaling]

the... bark.

REPORTER: When it comes to protecting the environment,

I asked Clint, how far is he willing to go?

- As far as it takes,

if it means no one will ever dig here.

REPORTER: Paula Shaw, Action 9 News.

- I wanna see one of these white chicks

with the fucking blond hair,

the fake blond hair, I want to see you get vetted.

A 28-year-old gorgeous woman

fucking a 70-year-old rich guy.

That's not a predator?

His whole body looks like a fucking ball bag?

That's your dream guy?

You know what she's doing, she's feeding him bacon every morning,

trying to give him that last heart attack so she can take his house.

[static]

KAREN: Oh God, there's someone trespassing in our neighborhood.

There are kids out playing, God knows what he's doing.

- I'm filming you now, how do you like it?

KAREN: Go ahead, I'm not doing anything wrong.

So, where do you live?

- Uh, this woman's been following me for no goddamned reason.

KAREN: Where do you live? - I don't have to tell you!

KAREN: I am trying to keep this neighborhood respectable.

I have a right to know what you're doing here.

- I'm walking.

KAREN: You know, I could call the cops.

What is your address? - I'm literally just walking.

You can call the cops on me literally just walking.

KAREN: Yeah! - Racist, damn!

KAREN: Excuse me, I am not racist, I work with Blacks everyday!

And I know you're not just walking around, come on.

- Not just walking around? I'm just not walk-- OK.

All right, stay away from me! KAREN: What is your name?

- Actually, fine. My name is Jerome Stevens.

I live, literally, on this street!

We're probably neighbors.

Happy, now?

- Good, OK, OK, uh, uh,

I have your name, so watch your behavior,

and I have it on video, so watch your behavior.

Go on now. JEROME: Wait a sec, wait.

Wait, I recognize that voice.

- No you don't! JEROME: Wait, Principal Henderson?!

Oh shit! [laughing] Wait , stop!

Principal Henderson, come back out, come back around here,

I'm going to post this shit all on Facebook, come on.

[Jerome laughing]

I knew it!

Take off that fucking mask.

Take off the mask.

You heard me.

Oh my God!

- Give it to me. JEROME: Wait, back up,

back, back up! - Give me that phone!

JEROME: Hey, take one more fucking step and I swear to God,

I'll post this shit everywhere.

Fuck Facebook, I'll send it straight to CNN.

- Fine, what do you want?

JEROME: I want As for the rest of the Goddamned year.

[birds chirping]

- [softly] OK. JEROME: I can't hear you.

[throat clearing] I couldn't-- couldn't hear that,

could you say that again? - OK?

[Jerome laughing] JEROME: No, I need you to say it.

- You will have As for the rest of the year.

OK?

JEROME: Wait what, what's that?

Wait, you've been talking about keeping a respectable neighborhood this whole time

and you have the dog that's been shitting on everybody's lawn?

- I didn't have a bag today. I just--

JEROME: Didn't, didn't have a--

I need you to pick it up.

- No, I don't have a bag. JEROME: I don't care

if you don't have a bag. I need you to pick up after your dog.

I'm just trying to keep this neighborhood respectable.

[sighing]

- No.

JEROME: All right, well, I guess I'll just have to send this shit to Facebook, CNN,

oh my God, Instagram, TikTok, Snapchat--

- Oh, OK! JEROME: Your career is over! Oh, my--

- Happy? JEROME: Oh, my gosh!

- Fucking people.

JEROME: Oh, and for that shit, now you've gotta eat it.

- What?!

JEROME: You heard me, eat it.

I, uh, your career is over if you don't eat it.

- No, I'm not.

[huffing]

JEROME: OK, then, see ya.

KAREN: Wait!

JEROME: Oh, I knew it.

[footsteps]

I'm waiting.

[sighing]

Oh, my-- oh, my God, oh my God!

[retching] Oh, my God!

Thanks to everyone that tuned into this Facebook Live.

I'm gonna go gargle with mouthwash, oh, my God!

[static]