Original subtitles

- Where's Charlie? - Hello. He's on his boat.

- What are you doing here? - I'm working on some papers.

- Personal stuff. - I want to see him.

- I think he might be some time, Jim. - Well, I'll wait.

- Hello? - Hello, it's Ellie. Jim's here.

Yes?

I'd give it a second coat, if I were you, Mr Hungerford.

Bye.

Have you anything to declare?

I'm in antiques. Just bits and pieces. No great works of art.

Thank you.

It's Carlos's day off. Shall I lock up or will you wait, Jim?

I told you - I'll wait.

Can I do anything, Jim?

Nope. Thanks.

- What are you doing? - I might ask you the same thing!

What d'you make of that? Got a copy? ''Dear Jim...''

Of course not. I'm not her boyfriend.

Nor am I. I got the sack. And I bet you knew.

- Of course I didn't know! - I don't suppose you needed to.

Alcoholics are not supposed to drink. You are drunk, Jim!

Not so drunk. I can still cry ''I spy stranger''. How about you?

You must have been paralytic when you were down there

if you didn't notice Danielle was getting engaged!

She's not engaged yet!

She soon will be. She wrote to tell me!

I am not privy to your private letters except to say

that I've told you more than once - she needed to know you cared about her.

I bet her father - YOUR mate Monsieur Albert - wouldn't be bothered

if he saw a new pair of socks hanging over the end of her bed.

Don't be silly. Your problem is...

MY problem is, Mr Charles Hungerford,

is did you know and did you decide not to tell me?

Don't be stupid! Why should I do that?

I don't suppose your wine connection with Monsieur Albert is stopping, is it?

- Now hang on a minute...! - You knew.

And you chose not to tell me.

''Sorry, Jim, but you're on your way out.'' That's all it meant to you.

Keep everybody sweet - first rule of business.

- It's not like that. - Of course it's like that!

Here, drink your wine.

Someone's got to be to blame for this.

Someone should have told me.

I have a lot of trouble with this, Charlie.

Hello, it's me.

I need your help.

Rex! C'est moi, Rex!

Rex...

Rex!

Rex.

Rex!

I've made up my mind.

I'm going to forget her.

It's over. Finished. She's gone.

Jim, you know, I know and the whole world knows you must not drink.

Who elected you vicar for the day?

Are you clear about the job you're doing for me?

Yes, I am clear.

You got stuck with a share of that painting in payment of a debt.

Never mind all that.

You just have to pretend to be another thick-headed minder.

That won't be difficult, will it?

Whereas your real job, yourjob, mind you,

is to find out whatever you can about them,

and the financial condition of their business.

One big happy family. Look at that.

You'd better take that.

No, bin it!

- How much are you in for? - Nothing.

- Really? - Apart from my share of the picture.

- But if Rupert's business is sound... - A helluva lot?

Yeah.

So this is it?

Isn't there any wrapping? It might get knocked about on the plane.

Custom-built. The airline cleared it. He's protecting his investment.

It's a lot of money. It needs protecting!

That's why you are here, Jim?

Robberies do happen.

Accidents...happen.

The cleaner. I'm going to sack her.

Hello?

- Did you ring here? - No.

You sure you didn't ring and get cut off?

- I'm sure. - Welcome back.

- You're hot. - I'm nearly incandescent.

We'd better go inside.

I'll douse you.

- Fire cleanses. - Yes.

I'll get him to come to the shop at night.

- Are you sure you can do it? - Of course I can do it.

But in the shop. Do it in the shop. Then set fire to the place.

- Once the shop goes up... - The evidence goes up.

Fire will give the Widow Draper

the opportunity to maximise on the insurance pay-offs.

First the husband, then the Louis Quinze. It's only wood.

We need a murderer.

Once the police have a murderer, they'll be much happier.

They won't look anywhere else.

Every murder victim needs a murderer.

Like it?

It's lovely, Rupert.

Family house, is it, Rupert?

My elder brother and sister got the bulk of the inheritance.

I got this house, but I have to work for a living. I'm not complaining.

I thought you were a Jersey man.

It's usual to have two parents, Jim? I'm from here, I'm from Jersey.

Take that, will you?

This is my wife, Cressida. She's from Heaven.

How do you do?

You know Charlie?

- Of him. - Everyone knows Charlie.

- All good, I hope. - Of course.

- This is his associate Jim Bergerac. - Jim.

- What's your role in this affair? - Jim is interested in art.

- Really? - Charlie's being polite.

I supply the muscle in case anyone tries to pinch the painting.

Come and have a drink.

- Do the honours, will you, darling? - Let's see. What have we got? Jim?

- Whisky...? - No.

Whisky, please.

Nothing for me, thanks.

Well, if you'll excuse me...

- Thank you... - Ice?

Yes, please.

Now, listen. You're too tired to come into Bath, alright?

I really am tired.

Self-inflicted. Why did you ask for a drink?

- Alcoholics don't drink. - I can cope.

OK, you're the detective. Detect! Just get me the inside track.

Is this man an investment proposition or an upper-class plonker?

- Well, I could do that better in Bath. - Well, pump her!

Anyway, it doesn't look as if she'd mind very much.

Cressida!

Lovely hands.

How sweet! Rupert's a legs and bottoms man, aren't you, darling?

Well, it's a natural conjunction.

- Hadn't we better deliver that painting? - There's plenty of time.

- I've got other things to do in Bath. - What kind of man are you, Jim?

He's tired. He was up half the night working.

Look, Rupert, why don't you and me do this last leg on our own,

and let poor old Jim have a rest.

Yes.

Have a rest, why don't you, Jim?

- Would you like to see the garden? - Yes.

What happened to your obsession with the brawn?

I think we're safe.

Hello, Bath 445621 ?

Where's our money, Draper?

I think you have the wrong number.

£80,000 by Thursday or you will meet with an accident.

By the way, how's your dog?

No, this is 44 5621 .

Do you like dogs?

I think it's important for men to like animals.

One can always trust a man who smells a bit of a dog, don't you think?

What else should men smell of?

Gunpowder. Sandalwood. Tannin.

What do YOU like?

- Roses? - Come on!

- Cricket bat oil. - Cricket bat oil?

Well, you asked, didn't you?

What do you like most?

I don't know.

When I was a kid I loved the smell of a tannery... Leather.

Are you coming, Charlie?

It seems a lot of effort to go to NOT to sell a painting.

- The plan is to get the picture seen. - What? Seen ''Not For Sale''?

Not being for sale merely raises the interest in it. Trust me.

Sure you can manage that on your own?

Rupert!

Jane, this is Charlie Hungerford. Jane runs this place.

How d'you do?

Hello... Mark, Alison, could you give me a hand, please?

You do keep the strangest company, Rupert.

What do you mean?

I've often wondered about your rogue taste.

Someone very tacky was looking for you yesterday.

Everyone's tacky.

This one had raised it to a fine art. I told him to call you.

What was his name?

Mr Mediterranean Bum Starer, I imagine.

Kept rambling on about how you shared a love of dogs.

This is Bath 445621 .

Please leave a message after the tone.

Hello?

Hello?

- I take it you're still there. - You're taking a bit of a chance.

Who were the clowns with Rupert?

Better?

Perfect.

- Champagne? - Yeah.

George III. Chippendale. Like it?

It's great! But it's not great as a mirror, is it?

The silvery grey look comes with age.

If it's a good reflection you want, you buy something later.

- And cheaper. - Is this Chippendale too?

- Sheraton. Demi-lune. - A half-moon.

Made just before the French Revolution. The legs, shape, style fix the date.

Have you been long in this business?

Don't be so utterly boring. That's completely the wrong question.

OK, how long have you been married?

All my life. So it feels.

A year. OK?

Are you married?

I was. That's how I acquired Charlie Hungerford.

- He's my ex-father-in-law. - Part of the divorce settlement?

Have you got anybody now?

I had. But she...buzzed off with someone else.

Rubbish. Nobody would simply ''buzz off'' from you.

It's true.

So where is she? What's the story?

She's in France and I'm here, and she reckons it's all my fault.

If I had hold of you, I wouldn't let you go.

We've got some Samuel Palmers somewhere.

Somebody cut them out of an etching book. Now THERE'S a crime.

Barry, where have you been?

France. My business takes me away sometimes.

Perhaps one day I'll make a big deal and go out forever.

Don't do that. Cressida, for one, would miss you.

What have you got me?

Here, nothing. I've got some nice mirrors in Jersey.

Bring them to the shop.

We'll be in St Helier in a couple of days.

- I'll do that. - Yes, do that.

Jim, move yourself! I want you sober. Have a mint.

I hate mints.

What did you get?

Rupert Draper has been in antiques for 1 0 years.

I knew that!

- He's good at it. So his wife says. - His wife says!

- Why are you so edgy? - Me? I'm not edgy!

You keep jumping down my throat. I call that edgy.

No.

OK. Even casually she made me feel they had money.

I don't need a private investigator to tell me that!

How come you didn't get anything out of the woman directly?

Come on, then. Walk.

When did they marry?

- A year ago. - She's gone off him quick enough!

- Take the lot! - I told you. I don't like them.

Eat them!

- Why? - You smell like a distillery.

I've only had a couple of glasses.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Jane, this is Jim Bergerac.

Hello, would you like me to show you round, Mr Bergerac?

Yeah.

This is a very fine example of Philipson's work.

And if you'd like to come through here...

These are the Fielding brothers. Very rare.

- Which is which? - You know them?

No. But if they're brothers, they must have done one each.

And here's your famous Bonnington.

- Are you all right? - Yeah. It's just my ex-wife.

Petra!

Petra Crowe-Smith, this is Jim Bergerac. He's from Jersey.

- How do you do? - How do you do?

- Who's she? - Don't ask!

Who?

I think she's got her eye on him.

- And Jim? - Still boozing.

- Collector? - No. You?

Dealer.

Restoration and reclamation mostly. So, if you're not a collector...?

Well, it takes all sorts, doesn't it?

Charlie?

Cressida! Cressida Draper, this is my daughter, Deborah.

- Debbie to everyone who knows me. - You were married to Jim.

- Yes. - He told me.

- Who were you married to? - No-one.

I'm thinking of going into business with Cressida's husband.

- Please, excuse me. - Yes.

What was all that in aid of?

Just testing the water. Didn't you see her look at him?

- Where's your shop? - The London Road.

Thank you.

We've had a bite on the painting.

I hope you said it wasn't for sale.

I said they'd find you at your club in London tomorrow.

Spot on.

- You could take Charlie. - Somewhere nice?

Yes. Somewhere nice. My club in London.

- To meet a possible buyer. - Is it them?

- Shh. - Sorry.

- Hello. - Jim! It's so nice to see you.

- So you two found one another, then? - This is a coincidence?

Dad has tickets for the Festival for me.

Of course he has!

When did you plan this?

I bet he told you Danielle had left me too?

- He might have done. - She got fed up waiting for me.

So she dumped me and wrote me a ''Dear John...'' or ''Dear Jim...''

Charlie never said. Did you, Dad?

I bet he told you I hit the bottle too.

I just thought you could take Debbie to one or two of the festival concerts.

- We can have dinner after. - No, thanks.

We're not busy in Jersey. Take a couple of days off.

Take Debbie to the Mozart tomorrow.

- What Mozart? - The Pariser.

- It's lovely. You'll enjoy that. - Since when were you a Mozart expert?

It said on the ticket. Anyway, I've got business in London with Rupert.

Sudden, was it?

What?

Why must you interfere? Do you take me for a complete idiot?

Can we discuss this later?

He only asked you here to keep me off the whisky bottle. That's very kind.

I'm here for the Festival.

Why don't you just keep your nose out of it?

I might have agreed to do your dirty work, but you do not own me! Clear?

Jim!

The performance of Macbeth will continue in three minutes.

A large whisky...on the rocks, please.

Please take your seats.

The performance of Macbeth will continue in one minute.

- Jim? - Hello.

Kir Royal.

Another one of these.

I shouldn't do this.

- Drink? - I shouldn't do it at all.

The things we shouldn't do.

- That was your ex-wife. - It was.

I seem to have a lot of trouble with women, once I get involved.

I seem to have a lot of trouble with women.

Once I get involved.

Why do you think that is?

I wish I knew. I wish...

Maybe...I'm just useless at it.

I don't think so.

I think you're just unlucky.

- Some people are. - What?

Unlucky in love.

Can that change?

Of course... Everything changes.

Come on, Charlie. We've got an appointment at 1 2:00.

Rupert, it's a long way to go just on the off chance.

It's worth the risk. Trust me.

Breakfast!

- Did they say when they'd be back? - No.

So...they could be quite a while?

Don't worry. I'll keep you occupied.

My husband's boots fit you really well.

Thank you very much.

I wonder if a river counts as a highway.

Why?

It's illegal to discharge a firearm next to a highway.

- Policeman! - ''Ex'', actually, thank you.

Don't be so pedantic, Mr Policeman. Who's to care, anyway?

- The owner of that boat maybe. - It's our boat.

I don't mind.

It's not your river, though, is it?

- Come on, break your gun. - How? Come on, you know how!

Show me.

Are you going to give it to me?

- Well... - Well.

Do you want to see my boat?

It's quite well-appointed.

We could. What about the shooting?

I'm all out of cartridges.

What about Rupert?

He's out of cartridges too.

We've got an arrangement. He doesn't bother me, I don't bother him.

- What does bother you? - Can we not talk about me all the time?

Are you coming?

Let's warm things up a bit.

- Hey, don't do that! - Why?

Bilge-pumps. You can never tell if the gas bottle's leaked.

Some gas could stay in the bilge for months. Give us the keys.

I do so love a practical man.

What do you want to do?

I want to go back to Jersey and have a great summer.

Why don't you come back with me?

- Why? - So we can...go on.

Let's stay while Rupert and Charlie are in London.

Drink up! Chin-chin!

Do you want to go to Bath for lunch?

It's nice here.

It's a bit of a squeeze.

We can manage.

Jim! Glad you could make it.

- Hello again. - This is Ronnie.

How do you do?

Jim's interested in English furniture.

- Aren't we all? Anything in particular? - Yeah.

How much do you think that's worth, then?

- Six grand. - Got any more where that came from?

Of course I haven't!

What about French?

For good French cabinets, you don't need to come to Bath.

Where, then?

You're from Jersey. You must know Rupert Draper. His shop's full of them.

They might not all know where their parents came from,

but he's got a ready supply - dressers, commodes, the occasional buffet.

- Who's with Ronnie the Runner? - Bergerac.

- Yes? Is he in the business? - He's from Jersey. He's a dabbler.

If you, er, sell him anything, remember who put him on to you, won't you?

No.

Ooh!

- Kendrick? - Yes.

No.

It's always ''no'' with you.

This Rupert Draper, is he straight?

''Ish''. You ask a lot of questions for an antiques dealer.

- Are you from the Customs and Excise? - No. Why?

I dunno... Well, if you don't want it, you don't want it, mate.

Nice meeting you, mate.

What do you mean, ''They might not know who their parents are''?

Are these bits of furniture in Draper's shop ''lost''?

Copper?

I can't help you.

Theoretically. Theoretically speaking.

OK. In theory.

If furniture leaves France under 1 00 years old,

you don't need a licence to export it.

After six months in Jersey, it can go to England as Jersey furniture.

No-one would notice the difference, anyway.

Who would that help?

Anyone wanting to avoid VAT.

- Anyone else? - Thieves, of course.

If you nick something in France, you can export it to England via Jersey.

It could be as bent as a 9-bob note, Bergerac, but only in France.

Rupert Draper...

All out of that little island. Their houses must be bare in Jersey.

Has he got a cash-flow problem?

He might need to realise some assets. People do.

- May I join you? - If you want.

- Jim has talked a bit about you. - Really?

- Nothing disloyal. - Good. That's Jim.

You don't like me very much, do you?

I don't know why you should say that. I hardly know you.

- It's written all over you. - And you hardly know me.

Tell me about Jim.

I beg your pardon?

You were married to him. Why does he drink so much?

He shouldn't. He's an alcoholic.

- Why don't you leave him alone? - I hardly know him.

You shot after him quickly enough last night.

I felt somebody had to.

So, bully for you, well done! Is that what you want?

You may have hold of the wrong end of the stick.

What end is that, then?

- You're jealous. - I'm certainly not.

Then why are you being so aggressive?

You think I'm pursuing him. I'm not. I'm only trying to help.

I'm not being aggressive. I just don't want to talk about him to you.

What do you want from him?

If you mess him up, sweetheart, look out for me!

It's not just a bit on the side. It's his life. Leave him alone!

Thank you.

Goodbye.

Aarrgh...! Aaarrgh...! Aaaarrgh!

Barry, get it off me! Please, Barry, please! I think my leg's broken!

What did Bergerac want to know?

- Bergerac who? I don't know him. - What did he want?

Nothing! Get the van off me!

What did he want to know?

Kiss me.

- Why? - Why do you think?!

Better?

Please leave a message after the tone.

Hello, Mrs Draper... it's your dry-cleaner.

It's about that nasty little stain you've got.

I think we should speak about it urgently.

Before it gets any worse.

Ronnie! Ronnie, where are you?

Come on, darling!

I'm nicking something!

Ronnie!

Ronnie...! What have you been doing?

Yeah, but when?

- I don't know. - It's a bit peculiar, isn't it?

Japanese. Don't know when he'll get here.

- The food is excellent, isn't it? - Yes, Rupert, it is!

So, enjoy it.

You said we had an appointment.

We do indeed. Be patient. This man owns half the hotels in Asia.

But not a wristwatch, apparently!

I'm very happy to see him alone. I thought you wanted to be here.

How much time will we waste? Does he want to buy the painting or not?

Sh! We're not here to sell the painting.

Why are we here, then?

To let him tell us he wants to buy it.

- Are you all right? - Perfect.

What's he up to?

- Let me drive. - No.

Come on, I'll tell him his fortune.

No, it's just... some fool being aggressive.

- Yes? - Is he giving you a good time?

Your new boyfriend is spying on you.

He wants to know about your business and why your husband is such a big success.

Of all the times, Cressida, to drag a spy into your bed, now!

I want you to go back to Jersey.

- What? - Today.

Your coffee, sir.

Thank you.

Can I take your order for breakfast, sir?

Where's Mr Draper?

He's retired for the night, I believe, sir.

Well, he might have told me!

What a waste of time!

No...Oriental messages, then?

I'm sorry, sir. Like what, sir?

I'll have orange juice, tea and muesli!

Thank you, sir. Very good, sir.

What are you doing here?

I might ask the same.

- How long have you been here, spying? - I saw your friend leave.

We're nearly there. I've got everything fixed.

And what do I find you doing?

Slutting around with some private detective who's investigating you.

Where did you get that from?

Ronnie the Runner. Bergerac asked him how Rupert's business worked.

Bergerac gave him 40 quid. You still haven't explained what you're up to.

Looking after Bergerac. Making sure he finds out exactly what I want him to.

That's a sweet way of putting it!

- Every murder needs a victim. - We have a victim.

- And a murderer. - Bergerac.

I've towed him all over Bath,

made sure I've been seen in his arms by all and sundry,

making him a credible murderer.

So relax.

Morning!

Come on, hurry up! I shall miss my plane.

This gentleman, you've both had dealings with him in the past.

Jim Bergerac.

In the not too distant past, when he was in a slightly different profession.

That means we have a mutual interest.

- So you'll be doing it for fun? - No.

You don't want nothing from me?

- Morning. - Nice trip?

Complete waste of time, waiting for some Nipponese billionaire

who never showed up!

- Jim phoned. He wants to talk to you. - I'm going out.

- Now? - Yes.

- Where? What if anyone asks? - Who?

I don't know. Mr Draper?

Rupert Draper is still in London waiting for some inscrutable, invisible Japanese

to hand over money for this wretched painting that isn't for sale.

- Is that clear? - Absolutely.

If anyone rings...?

Take a message. Say I've gone for a walk.

- What if Jim comes in? - Tell him I'm not back yet!

Charlie!

- I found this antiques dealer in Bath. - I don't want to hear this.

- Come on! - Don't apologise!

I'm trying to give you information.

I don't want to see you. Push off!

- What about the job? - Give Ellie the bill.

It was you, not Debbie.

It wasn't me you were foul to. It was Debbie.

- You interfered. - She came from London to help you.

- Who invited her? - Who needed her?

You! Who kept quiet when Danielle ditched me? You! Who meddles? You!

Push off, Jim!

Jersey born and bred, me. Don't tell me to push off!

Hey!

Well, Jim?

- Who are you? - A friend. Come to deliver a warning.

- Which is? - Find another woman.

I've got one, thanks.

No, find another one.

I have found one.

Here... What do you know about... Draper's Antiques?

Sweet... Get your hands off the woman.

No, no, no.

Why don't I buy you a drink and we can talk about our mutual friends?

Leave it out! Come on, lads! >

Stop it!

Pettit. We'll take that.

- What?! - Come on!

Are you a hero or something?

Right. Police! Calm down!

I want him nicked!

- He's drunk! - You're not meant to serve drunks.

Get him out of here, anyway!

You are on a very short fuse.

- Cheers, Willy. - Cool it!

I'll take him home and sober him up.

You are going to drive around St Helier, keep your gob shut, and cover for me.

You understand?

Darling, how nice of you to leave me the champagne. What a lovely surprise!

What are you doing here?

Barry's made some interesting finds in France.

- Yes, I know. He told me in Bath. - Mirrors. Blue jobbies.

- He wants to show them to you. - I know he does. He told me in Bath.

Not now, Barry. We've just got back. I'm tired.

You could phone me in a couple of days, if you want.

Yes. Call me in a couple of days.

How did that get here?

Read it for yourself.

- What are you going to do? - Do?

What do you think?

Darling, it's important you don't lose your nerve.

Go and pay the Froggies.

Well...

I was stitched up.

How? Booze?

Sort of.

- By a jealous man. - What made him jealous?

A woman, of course. What else?

Some woman!

I owe you one.

Damn right.

Who is she?

Some woman.

Not Danielle?

No, no, no. Not Danielle.

Well...

Anything you want?

Yeah.

A year on my own...in total silence.

On a desert island.

Can't help you there.

I'll pay him the rest later. Tell your employer I'll be in touch.

Ten thousand won't do. Nothing like it.

It's barely a down-payment.

I have to liquidate stock.

So liquidate it. Sell something.

That's what he says. ''Rupert has to sell things.''

- I've only got this to sell. - So sell it!

Sell it cheap. You got it cheap.

If your customers only knew where you got it from.

I got it from your employer.

I hope I'm the last man you ever say that to!

You've had time. You owe him.

Maybe your wife's got money.

She's nice, your wife.

Nice-looking woman.

You've got a customer.

Philip!

Hello?

Jim, I must see you.

I thought you said it was urgent.

I'm sorry. I got held up.

If you're really sorry, come back into the house.

I've got a picnic in the back.

- Are you OK? - Yeah.

- I met your friend. - Which friend?

The one who tried to run you off the road, remember?

''''He's an ex-friend.

Sorry.

- Thank you. - OK.

Champagne!

I don't want any champagne.

- Yes? - Flowers, sir.

For me?

They're from me. Sorry. Sorry about last night.

Sorry for chucking you out.

Thanks.

Why don't you phone him?

What's his name...? Your mystery man.

An old flame.

- A mistake... - Where does he live?

Are you frightened of him?

You saw what he was like in the car.

He's capable of being completely crazy.

I am frightened of that.

OK. What's he doing here?

He wants to see me.

You've agreed to that?

- Yes. - Well?

Well, if you're so keen on him, I said I'd meet him at Noirmont.

- The gun emplacement. Tonight. - I'll come with you.

- No! - It's all right.

I just want to talk to him.

- Hello? - Jim.

That argument we had. It was silly.

Yes, it was, Charlie. I'm sorry.

- I'm sorry too. - What can I do for you now?

I think we should meet.

You can tell me what you've got.

- Hang on! - I do have some wifely duties.

Wait a minute.

- Bye. I'll call you later. - Jim?

I'm coming with you tonight to Noirmont.

OK.

- See you there. 9 o'clock. - Cressida!

Jim?

Look, Charlie, I'm sorry. I've got to go. I'll see you tomorrow.

Drive on.

Our picture is still sitting in the gallery in Bath?

The plan was that it wasn't for sale until it was for sale.

You wouldn't be giving me the runaround?

No, Charlie. I would not. Now what can I do for you?

Charlie!

Cressida!

I was wondering if you two would be my guests at the Rotarian dinner tonight?

No. I've got to nip back to Bath.

- And I'm at it here all evening. Sorry. - What a pity.

- Drink, Charlie? - If you're offering.

- Cressida? - No, thanks.

- I've a taxi waiting. - Bye, darling.

Don't work too hard. Have an early night. You look a bit peaky.

- Bye! - Bye!

- Bristol? - Yes. Myself and a Mr Bergerac.

- We'd like to sit together. - It's all non-smoking, in flight.

- Have you any seat preference? - No.

- OK? - OK. I'm checked in.

- Good. Rupert? - Will be at the shop all evening.

Bergerac?

Off to meet us at Noirmont Point.

He's in for a bit of a disappointment.

Hello, Barry.

I was beginning to think you wouldn't come.

- You were expecting me? - Or that perhaps you'd lost your nerve.

Did Cressida tell you I'd be here? All alone, after hours?

- No-one much about? - Yes, she did.

Good. We thought you wouldn't be able to resist. Never trust a woman, Barry.

Haven't you learned that yet?

D'you think I'd let a clod like you near my wife?

Aaagh!

You wanted to take my place? Well, now's your chance!

And lumphead Bergerac will be my murderer.

Your killer now, Barry.

Jersey European to Bristol now boarding at Gate 4.

This is Charles Hungerford.

Kindly speak after the tone.

Charlie? Charlie, are you... are you there?

Yes?

It's done.

Poor bloke.

What a mess!

Found anything?

- Well? - Sorry, Jim.

Don't give me ''sorry, Jim''! You must know something.

I don't. Not yet.

If I did, I couldn't...

Yeah, yeah. Thanks... Something wrong?

No, no. No.

I'll tell you one thing for free. Whatever that is, it is not an accident.

- No? - No.

If you know something...

No. If you see an expensive, burnt-out shop,

the first thing you ask is ''Who stands to gain?''

Pettit!

What did he want?

He was just passing. Interested.

This is the last call for hydrofoil passengers for Weymouth.

- Who's going to tell Mrs Draper, sir? - We don't know if it's him yet.

- Ramsden! - Sir?

Find out where and when that petrol can was bought.

- Charlie! - Jim, come in here!

- Charlie. - I've got something to show you.

Rupert Draper's shop has burned down.

- How did that happen? - Isn't it obvious?

An insurance job.

It's not obvious. Thank God we took that picture to Bath!

Draper is doing an insurance con.

- How about the wife? - What about her?

- Couldn't you be biased? - No.

Listen to this.

Charlie? Charlie, are you there?

You must have words with Bergerac. He's chasing my wife.

He's making a laughing-stock of all of us. He was abusive, threatening.

Charlie, I'm a bit frightened.

I'm going to be working here late in the shop if you want to call me.

- It's not true. - Yeah, well...

What about the fire?

It is an insurance con and he wants someone to stick it on - me!

You never sold a red petrol can with a yellow bit at the bottom?

No. Nothing like that.

- Hi! - What happened to you last night?

I'm sorry.

I tried to call but...

D'you know what I think?

I think you and Rupert have thought up a very clever little scheme.

Rupert's business needs a cash injection, so you pull a drunk.

What better way to realise your assets

than to get the drunk to burn down your shop!

Our shop?

Someone burns down your shop, Rupert phones Charlie saying I hate him.

That puts Charlie on the spot, and me on the spot.

Yes?

I'm Detective Inspector Deffand, Bureau des Etrangers.

- Can I speak to you? - Of course.

Would you leave us?

- Are you Mrs Cressida Draper? - Yes.

We've found a body.

- Rupert? - We don't know.

But I have to ask you some questions.

You want me to identify the body?

I want to ask you some questions.

- And he bought one of these? - Yeah. That's right.

- Are you sure? - Yeah.

Cheers.

Well?

It is a plot to blame me for burning down their shop.

Well, did you see him?

I saw her. She denied it, of course. Your tape is part of it.

If I haven't got an alibi,

Rupert rings you up and tells you how much I hate him...

Even the stupidest copper will put two and two together - I burned the shop.

That puts me in a spot... And I'm out of cigars.

The last time I saw my husband was at about 6.30 last night...

April 21 st.

It was at his shop.

He seemed very nervous.

Earlier that afternoon he had told me

he was going to have what he called a 'showdown'

with a man known to me as James Bergerac,

a private detective of St Helier.

I've been in touch with Albert. Me and Frank are going there next week.

Doesn't matter.

I know what you're trying to do, Charlie, and thanks.

- It's not her fault, it's mine. - But Jim...

Brian, my usual. Put it on my bill.

I'm not much good with women.

Or without them. I used to think it was police work - long hours. So did Susan.

- But it's not. It's me. - What a load of codswallop!

Only thing one for it - work. Get something right.

Well, I've been meaning to have a word with you.

Yeah?

- You see, all this private eye stuff... - What about it?

Well, it's clear you're not cut out for it.

Thank you, Charlie.

And you're worse off financially than when you started.

- Anyway, I spoke to the Chief... - About me?

Of course about you! In the clubhouse.

I suggested that as the Bureau has been such a success in Jersey,

he might have a word with his pals

about expanding it to cover all the Channel Islands.

You said that?

I'm still on the Law and Order Committee!

- What did you say? - That you should be in charge.

Of the whole shooting match?

Of course, of the whole shooting match!

The airline confirms her story.

Two tickets booked to England, one in her name, one in Bergerac's.

She turned up, he didn't.

- Lomas? - Gone to Bath.

Good.

There is one piece of hard evidence.

Ramsden turned up the only source of the petrol cans.

Sold many?

Just one. To Bergerac.

- Could I have a quick word? Outside. - You can talk in front of Charlie.

I'm supposed to take you in to see Deffand.

- Why? - There was a body in the fire.

- A body? - Who's supposed to be responsible?

Deffand says the bloke was murdered and his shop was set fire to.

His shop?

Cressida Draper says you had a crush on her.

A crush?

That Rupert threatened you. And you were drunk yesterday.

- And you said you would brain him. - Deffand believes this?

Cressida said you were booked to fly to England, but you didn't show up.

The shop's been burned.

Rupert's killed and the wife has made sure I have no alibi.

It's called ''a frame'', and I'm in it. I'll come quietly.

Here!

Sir!

I found this amongst his papers.

You! Come with me!

Am I under arrest?

It's a big practice. I don't remember lots of people. But is this him?

- The X-ray is of the same jaw. - Thank you, sir.

''Dear Jim, I know how things are between you and Rupert. I'm sorry.

''Our brief affair can't be allowed to ruin both our lives, Jim.

''Rupert is capable of great passion and so are you.''

- I've had all this before. - I haven't had your answer.

- You have. It's fiction. - Why was it in your papers?

- She put it there. - She says she didn't.

She would, wouldn't she?!

Why did she do it?

To cover for someone else. She's not strong enough to murder her husband.

She was on the plane to England, anyway.

So?

So she implicated me to cover for this...someone else.

The mystery man you had the fight with in the pub?

Yes.

I don't believe in him, Bergerac.

You haven't got an alibi. You were having an affair with the wife.

You were only saved from getting a record for violence by other policemen.

A petrol can you bought was found at the scene of the crime.

You don't know that.

A petrol can is a petrol can is a petrol can.

We will prove it.

You've no chance of copping anyone without a confession,

so you've volunteered me to confess, have you?

I'm gathering the evidence.

And a lot of it is pointing at you.

He really wants you for this.

It's ludicrous.

He doesn't need much more. You know it.

Cheers, Willy.

Remember me?

You tell your boss's wife she will pay us!

Hey, you. Do you know who I am?

- Yeah. - I want to talk to you.

Well, I don't want to talk to you.

You've already lost me my job by burning the shop down.

I want to talk to you.

Why should I talk to you?

I don't like to hurt people as a rule,

but I could make an exception in your case, OK?

I am running short of time and my patience is wearing thin.

You can talk to me here or in the ambulance.

Let me describe someone to you -

he's young, flash, drives a Citroen DS with French plates.

- Do you know him? - No.

Let me run this one past you - slim, 6-footer, blue eyes.

- D'you know him? - No.

- Never seen him? - No! I don't know.

Look, I'm a repairer. I just do furniture.

Let's talk about Rupert Draper.

He does dodgy furniture, yeah?

Yeah.

- Books burned in the fire? - Yes.

Does he keep a second set?

- Yeah. - Where?

- Where? - In his house in Bath.

There was no-one at home. The place was locked up.

They've closed it for the summer.

A bit of wasted time and trouble on your part, Lomas?

- You mean, I ought to have... - No.

I don't want you breaking and entering.

But the dental evidence doesn't help much.

- Other than confirmation... - Of what we had a good idea of, anyway.

Something you want to say, Lomas?

Looking around Bath, I made some enquiries...

Good, good.

...among Draper's friends, business contacts...

And?

They were all saying the same thing.

About Mrs Draper and Bergerac.

Thank you, Lomas.

Let's hope Forensics can nail him.

They've taken your fingerprints from the petrol can found at Draper's.

Captain Magnificent has sent me round to nick you.

OK.

He was there in the pub. He started the fight. He attacked us in Bath.

- I'm sure he killed Rupert Draper. - What else?

Frenchman. Pascal. He drives a Citroen DS with French plates.

He kept Rupert Draper supplied with bent furniture. Ask Philip Sablon.

Right. You've got 20 minutes. I'll phone in and say I missed you.

- I owe you. - Too right!

- Hello. - Hello.

Made a bit of a mess of things, Jim?

Is the quayside full of policemen?

Certainly not.

Did Charlie tell you I was here?

Why did you come?

- You will need wheels. - You don't owe me that.

Why is at all about ''owing''? No-one owes you anything much.

Dad told me what happened. I don't believe it.

Neither did he. If this is how you want to play it, I'll help.

Where's the booze?

There isn't any.

- Is that the only blanket? - Yeah.

There's a rug in the car boot. You can have that.

Cressida Draper...

You follow her.

- Me, sir? - You, sir!

Sooner or later Bergerac is going to get in touch with her.

You'll be there to catch him.

Here, Rambo, do us a favour!

Tomorrow morning, Ferry Terminal. Look out for a French Citroen DS.

Why?

Because if you do,

I'll give you the number of that bird in Information who fancies you.

Deal!

Yes!

Aaargh!

Aaaarrgghh!

- What are you up to? - Er...

Yes? I'm going down the Ferry Terminal.

- At this hour? - Yes, sir.

While you are still asleep? Any particular reason?

- DC Pettit, sir. - I might have known.

I look forward to the day you have an original idea of your own!

OK, tell me.

Pettit thinks there's a Frenchman connected to Draper.

- Frenchman? - Yeah, and a Citroen car.

- What kind of Citroen? - A French one.

Then go to the Ferry Terminal, and see how many French Citroens you can find.

There are usually dozens. Alright!

- I couldn't sleep last night. - We're nearly there, darling.

Nearly there. As soon as the police arrest Bergerac, they'll charge him.

- But I dreamed about the fire. - You would!

Courage, Rupert... Courage.

They'll catch me. I know they will. I can't face another night here.

I'll come over.

- Pettit. - Go ahead, Pettit. She's just left.

- Follow her. - She's heading for the airport.

Follow her to England. I'll have you met there.

Understood.

I'd go myself, but I'm busy here at the Ferry Terminal.

My name is Inspector Deffand. I wonder if we mightn't have a little chat.

Pettit. That's her.

Do you wish to make a voluntary statement?

No.

He's just waiting to do his.

Now, do you wish to make a statement first?

Just pull in over there.

You?!

Yes.

The constant husband?

As ever.

Who was in the fire?

Does it matter?

Why did you do it?

I needed money.

Ugghh!

Bergerac, he's in the house. I think I've killed him.

Willy, that man...that man on the boat is Rupert Draper!

- What happened to you? - Where is he?

Down on the boat... Cressida's here!

She was on the boat.

Stay here.

You're a clever lady, aren't you?

Did you plan all this yourself, did you?

- Murder him, set me up as a patsy? - No, you just happened to be there.

Lucky me!

Forget you ever saw me.

That will be a little difficult.

I'll have to shoot you.

- I'd prefer to love you. - That's the choice, is it?

Thanks, but no thanks.

Rupert!

We're leaving... Start the engine!

No!

Poor Rupert.

Commits suicide after shooting you for making love to me.

Grieving widow in death triangle.

Still, I suppose I'll have the insurance money.

There's always somebody else. Bye, lover!

Stop! We are armed police! Put the gun down, Mrs Draper!

Have they got the nerve to shoot?

I don't know... But she has.

You met Mrs Bergerac, have you?

This concludes the statement of James Bergerac. The time is 1 0:08.

- OK? - That's fine.

Anything more you want to add?

That says it all, doesn't it? All that matters, anyway.

Out...! What's he doing here, Pettit?

- Or rather, what are YOU doing? - Just tidying up some loose ends, sir.

- And have you finished? - Yes, sir.

Mr Bergerac...

I suppose you think I gave you a rough ride.

Yes, I do.

Well, you know the job, Bergerac.

- Am I complaining? - No.

Well, that's it, then, isn't it?

There's quite a strong rumour going around.

- A rumour? - Only a rumour.

That you may be leaving your present job, moving on to other things.

Possibly rather better things?

As you say, it is only a rumour.

And we all know what rumours are worth, don't we?

I wouldn't worry about it, Inspector.

All right, Jim?

- Better than all right, Charlie. - Good.

Made it all worthwhile going back in there again.

What did?

Charlie, you know the other day in the clubhouse...?

Clubhouse?

I know what you said to the Chief. But what did he say to you?

Aye......

- Well, sorry, Jim. - What?

That was confidential.

You wouldn't want me to break confidentiality, would you?

Charlie!

Well, all right...

Put it this way.

Now might not be the best time...

to book yourself a holiday.

See you.