Original subtitles

- Knackered. - Can't you weld it?

There's nothing to weld onto.

- You need a new one. - How much?

- What's your phone number? - 80203.

- That'll be about right. - I'll think about it.

Well, don't leave it dangling.

He's just coming, Mr Hungerford. Would you like a word yourself?

Yeah, OK. I'll tell him. Have a good trip.

- Good morning, Jim. - Is it?

- A nice, fresh cup of coffee? - No, this'll do.

Mr Hungerford just phoned from the airport.

- Good morning, Ellie. - Good morning.

One of his friends has got marital problems.

Has he been to marriage guidance?

How did you know it was a HE?

If it were a SHE, Charlie would do the job himself.

He was very insistent. This friend's wife has run off.

- Ah... - She's in trouble, Jim.

OK. How do I get in touch with this bloke, then?

Good morning!

Major Atherton? I'm Jim Bergerac.

- Nice boat. - Let's go for a drink.

Keep at it, Remy!

It's just a blockage. I could dear it in about...

Won't be long.

- You two know each other? - Ha! We've met.

Charlie says you've got a problem.

You sound like an agony aunt. My wife ran away. No problem there.

- Did you have a row? - Nope.

Do you know where she is?

I know damn well where she is.

Ten days ago, I got home from working on the boat, she'd gone.

Left me a note saying she wanted to think things over.

Well, I wasn't too worried.

Women of Laura's age often act funny sometimes - hormones and all that.

What's she got to think about at her age?

- No, she's with Bowlingballs. - Eh?

George Bolingham, in Amersham.

If she's gone there freely, I can't do anything.

Something's got to be done - he's barking mad!

- Is she in danger? - Not physically.

Not unless they've got any strange diseases on Atlantis.

Bolingham's an Atlantean - he's in touch with the Lost Continent.

- The usual, Sean, please. You? - No, thank you.

Laura's getting brainwashed.

- Hello, Norman. A word later? - Yes.

- Don't let me forget. - No.

Do you know Mr Bolingham, then?

Same school, same regiment.

Chased the same women - Laura was one. I got her!

Now he's got her back. He always was a few bob short of a quid.

Probably certifiable by now.

Are you sure?

Haven't you been listening to me?

They talk to invisible people! It was men in flying saucers once!

- Are you sure she's with him? - You'll find her there.

IF I take the case.

Laura must NOT be part of these orgies!

So, I go over there and do what?

Do a recce, snoop around.

Why not get together and talk about it?

I would rather you... appraised the ground.

OK

Fair enough. Now, how much are you?

Thank you.

Ooh... It looks like Atherton can afford me!

Hello, Willy. It's Jim here.

Could you run a name through your computer?

Bolingham, George, from Amersham, Buckinghamshire.

He's a Jersey resident.

No, I'm on the 5.30. Yeah.

Yeah, right. Thank you.

I'll dear it with Charlie. Where is he this time?

- Bermuda. - Ha!

- Can you bank that cheque? - Mm-hm.

Oh! Is this her?

Yup, that is her.

See you, Ellie.

Yeah. Have fun.

Nothing on Bolingham, G. Solid citizen, colonel in the war, DSC in Normandy.

- What about Atherton? - Major, retired.

Left the army in '73, became a Jersey resident.

The wife's got money - the honourable Laura.

There are a couple of blips, though.

There was a traffic dispute.

A tourist backed into his car and Atherton clobbered him.

Wouldn't we all like to do that?

And a punch-up over a bloke fixing his boat.

So, which master criminal are you after?

Come on, Willy - confidentiality!

Well, confidentially, I'd have that exhaust fixed or you'll get nicked!

Ahem. Excuse me.

Have you got any Atlantean Fellowship publications?

Hello. Yes... good morning.

Have you any room on your Atlantean Experience weekend, please?

Anybody home?

Can I help you?

Yes, I've come for the Atlantean weekend. I'm Jim Bergerac.

Oh, hi. Er... you're a bit early.

- Could you give me a hand? - Sure.

- Oh, sorry, I'm Clare. - How do you do?

Er... just take them off the table.

- Round the table? - Yup.

- Al of them? - Yes.

- Where are you from? - London.

Oh, there's so much space here. It's great to have space around you.

- Do you live here? - Most of the time.

Where are you when you're not here?

It's of no consequence.

For us, the mundane imitations of personal circumstance,

of time and space, are of no consequence.

- Oh, yeah? - Yes!

Yes, yes, you're right.

- Don't get worried. - I'm NOT worried.

Good.

- It's just... - Yes?

I like to know where I stand.

When you're on unfamiliar territory?

Yup.

I understand.

So, you're not a fixture here, or a guest...?

That's right.

Er... There!

That'll do. Thanks.

That's OK.

Let's join GB and the others.

George Bolingham?

Yes, but we call him GB.

Sounds like a pop group!

- Are you sure? - Mm.

This is Jim... er...

- Bergerac. - Jim, what do you think?

That's fine.

This is Ralph and Laura.

Welcome to Cranhurst.

Where's GB?

Bergerac? That's a nice name. It's a region of France, isn't it?

Are you French?

No, I'm from the Channel Islands.

- George! - Yes?

- This is Jim Bergerac. - What??

He phoned earlier.

Mr Bolingham!

Oh... er..George. Any good with a paintbrush?

Come on, good fellow.

Don't work him too hard!

Ha, ha. Here.

- Thank you. - Splendid.

What... er... what drove you to join this group, Jim?

Curiosity. I sometimes lie awake and ask myself awkward questions.

Thought it was time I found some answers.

Yes, well... Yes...

Are you happy?

I have my moments.

In order to be happy... you must KNOW yourself.

If you don't know yourself, you can't LOVE yourself-

And if you can't love yourself, you can't love anybody else.

DO you love yourself?

Do YOU?

Oh-ho-ho... It says in one of those leaflets,

"I am... my nearest neighbour.”

There's something in your leaflets I can't understand.

- Ah-ha... - Who are the Enlightened Ones?

Oh, no, that's different!

The Enlightened Ones - now, that's the real thing.

We'll talk about this... yes... all in good time, all in good time.

Now... Oh, mind your head.

That door there is the bathroom, and this is you.

Oh, great.

Am I turfing somebody out?

No, we often swap rooms at weekends.

Tell me, did you read about us in the New Awakening Press?

No...

I read about you in this.

Ah, yes, That opened many doors for me.

Well, we meet at six

- Can I pay now? - Yes, if you like.

How many guests are there?

Just you and a couple.

£150, yeah?

- Yes. - There you go.

Thank you. We eat in the kitchen at eight. Well ..see you soon.

Hello? Yes. Ah, Bergerac! Well?

Your wife IS here.

She seems well

With the wizard Bowlingballs - told you so!

I'm not sure what the domestic arrangements are.

Well, get your eye to the keyhole!

Get pictures - good legal ammo.

Hello?!

I don't do that kind of stuff.

I will pursue the brief as agreed.

What do you mean?! This is that sort of work.

Don't you act the upright copper! When I say snoop, I MEAN snoop!

That's how you fellows earn your crust, isn't it?

Get your eye to the keyhole! What the butler saw - that's the ticket!

- Bergerac! - I'm out of change. I'll be in touch.

Hi.

I'm sorry we're late. The traffic was awful Are you on the weekend?

- Yes, I'm Jim Bergerac. - I'm Diana.

Conrad

Hi.

- Connie, get our stuff- - Later.

Aren't you a Druid?

Nok as far as I know.

I'm sure I recognise you.

GB had a group here doing Earth Science...?

Oh, well..

- Where are they all? - Oh!

Hello! Welcome to Cranhurst Lodge.

- You must be Laura? - Yes.

GB has spoken of you with so much love.

- Connie, meet... - I'll get the bags.

Oh!

Oh, welcome home, stranger! Mmm... you feel good.

Mmm.-.I'm fine.

It's like coming home.

- George? - Yes?

- The others have arrived. - Oh.

Diana's brought a friend with her. He's a West Indian boy.

- Oh, a new... - Mm-hm.

- Oh, good. - And they've all paid.

Oh, good.

Oh, well, what... Onwards and upwards.

Yes.

Oh, is it bad today?

It's all right. It's all right.

- Good evening, Norman! - Evening, Sean.

- Look at that. - What is it?

It's a pipe! Salt water's got in. Look at all the sediment in there.

I stay away from boats. The sea is deep, cold and wet.

And I can't swim. The usual, is it?

We all have unfinished business in our past lives.

Mike and GB are helping me work through mine.

- How do you know? - Know what?

About these past lives.

Through Mike. He's the channel Psychic.

What's wrong?

There's just a lot of cowboys in that line, aren't there?

No! I experienced it... in HERE.

My father walked out the door. I watched him from the window.

He went down the valley, climbed a hill and he looked back ..

.and 1 KNEW his sorrow.

He was hurt in his life, he hurt me in mine.

You're full of pain and doubt.

Life is so strange and wonderful!

If you open yourself to miracles, they're natural

What's more miraculous than life?

You've got a point there.

Oh, look... There's Conrad.

Isn't he beautiful?

We'd better go in.

I'm working on one of Hungerford's wheezes - a development in Bermuda.

I recommend it to you and Laura. I'll send you some literature.

Buy me a drink first.

No sooner said than done. Sean!

- How is Laura? - Still afloat.

Not the BOAT, Norm. The lady wife.

Very bonny, thank you.

Ah! Same again? And a G&T, please, Sean.

A gentleman's measure, sir?

Exactly!

Oh! I sent Laura's contract notes to the brokers.

Contract notes?! Laura's sold some stock, has she?

Make mine a tomato juice, Sean.

Sorry, Norman?

I'd like to... welcome our guests.

I hope that you'll have a fruitful -.er... weekend.

Yes... Now...

We have two conditions.

First, please surrender your watches while you're here.

And... er... secondly...

do not leave until Monday 9.00am, when the weekend finishes. Thank you.

Er... a problem?

No. The man and his watch are one, that's all

I wish you'd take off your watch.

- Come on. We're not school children. - No, we're not school children.

Children have to go to school

You're here because you choose to be. You're not here by accident.

I came with Diana.

Because you wanted to please her. Because you love her.

You see, time is guilt about the past

and fear of the future.

We only live now.

Time, in that sense, is just illusion.

Then why all this hassle about a watch?

This is Conrad's issue, Jim.

Right now, we are wasting time, aren't we?

1. I don't think so.

Wearing a watch does interfere with our work here.

As a favour to me,

will you forgo the use of your watch

and stay until Monday morning, 0900 hours?

Thank you.

I wonder if... you'd all, er... Join hands together...

just quite loosely and, er...

just close your eyes.

Try and FEEL..

The air around you! How it FILLS your lungs when you breathe!

This air that surrounds the globe.. the vast globe.

Think of all the men and women... strangers, friends...

..enemies.-. lovers!

Think of all those who once were...

.from first breath to Last breath.

Breathing...

breathing.

And as you breathe...

it is always...

now!

Christ was..

..Atlantean in nature!

So was Gautama Siddhartha, the Buddha.

The Enlightened Ones... are always with us.

Atlantis sank, didn't it?

What happened?

Well, the Atlanteans experienced crises, just as we have.

Ecological catastrophes and wars...

I hear you fought in the last war.

It was nuclear force that wiped Atlantis from the face of Earth.

And we have come very... close to re-enacting Atlantean history.

No glasnost on the Lost Continent?

Until conflict

WITHIN each individual ..

Is understood...

BY the individual ..

No glasnost.

There will be good and brave men, who will let it all happen again.

Men like yourself, Jim.

They will believe.

Just as I did, when I sent my troops up the line to die.

- Major Atherton? - Ah, Bergerac! Well?

It's weird, but what Bolingham says does make sense.

You've been bamboozled! I warned you.

I'm doing the recce!

Not much of a snooper, are you?

Listen, I can do without this harassment.

You gave me a job. I am doing it.

Haven't got the guts. You haven't got the stamina.

Don't overtax yourself, I'll settle this myself.

And playing with guns in your state is not good news.

You are sacked!

There's a whole chorus line of Jims in there.

Lots of dancers with lots of roles.

But there's only one dance.

Hello in there, the real Jim! Come out, wherever you are.

You behave differently with different people.

I mean, you don't kiss the waiter after you've had a meal

and tip your wife, do you?!

She might appreciate it.

Stop bullying.

It's like being stoned to death with popcorn over here!

1 KNOW who you really are.

Must cost a fortune, this place.

Oh, dreadful!

Yet somehow we manage to attract to ourselves enough to Cary on.

Your £150 will be enormously helpful to us.

We just hope...

that our teaching will help you.

Now! The Atlanteans...

- When do we meet them? - I'm sorry?

The Atlanteans.

- Tomorrow! - I'll wear a tie.

A tie?!

We have a gifted sensitive who can contact the Masters.

Mike?

Yes, he'll be channelling for us.

1 KNOW who you really are.

Evening, Major.

This'll come in handy, skipper.

- What's this? - Half!

OK

When the war was over, I found that I'd survived.

I'd no idea how I ought to live.

But..er...

1 started to explore...

..I found the Atlanteans.

And they have guided me ever since.

What have they taught you?

To know my enemy.

Conrad made me give up smoking.

I wish I hadn't.

Have you?

Yes, I have.

You lived in my valley.

Really?

Yes.

You looked on while I burned.

We were lovers and you did nothing.

- I'm sorry about that. - We were lovers.

We're still lovers.

- You've got Conrad. - Conrad!

He's a fantasy.

I know how to create people in my life. It's part of my craft.

But you were there from the start.

Do you know what it's like to die by fire?

Why did they bum you?

I'm a witch.

Diana, if you're on something, it's not doing you much good.

And if you're not, you need help.

We're working in the garden tomorrow. GB likes an early start.

- She's in there. - I know.

Yes.

No! I'll have one if I want.

- I'll get it, George. - Oh... Thank you.

Oh, yes.

Oh, splendid. Really.

You were dreaming.

Your eyeballs were rolling around. You were restless.

Troubled.

Look! It's late... What do you want?

I was an angel once.

Oh... goon, hop it!

When I met George up at Glastonbury,

I'd just got my red wings.

A dead pussycat in my teeth, no problem. Ride the Devil's dam.

A regular one percenter, me.

Then George turned my head around.

He taught me to hear, and heed, the Masters.

As soon as I saw him, I knew he was the one.

He told me the way to Atlantis. I wouldn't want him harmed.

- I don't wish him any harm. - I hope not.

I'm like a lightning rod. I'll earth any charge that's around.

K-chnk!

I'll bear that in mind.

Good.

I hope you're comfortable in my room.

Whoosh! Whoosh! Red wings.

What do you do for a living?

I investigate insurance claims.

- How exciting! - It's just routine.

I'm surprised you have time with all your other duties.

I think you'd better own up.

This is Sergeant Bergerac from the Jersey police.

I was at Charlie's place when you talked about crime prevention.

What are you doing here?

That is confidential

We don't have secrets here and we don't like lies.

I'm not with the Bureau, I do private work.

Norman hired you, didn't he? What's he been saying?

I was sent to see if you were being "misled".

And am I?

You should ask yourself that.

- I think you should leave! - No, no, no.

If Jim's come here to find out if I'm a charlatan, that's all right.

I don't mind.

We don't drink blood or sacrifice babies. I hope you're not too bored.

No what"

No, I'm not too bored.

George may think it's all right, but I could brain you.

I should like a word with Mr Bergerac alone.

"Brainwashed" is one of Norman's favourite words.

He thinks anyone who doesn't share his views is brainwashed.

Apart from your spiritual welfare, he's worried about your finances.

Is there anything I should know?

No, there isn't. It's none of your business.

Norman has spent the last ten years on his wretched boat.

I just needed a change of air.

So I came to visit an old friend whose ideals I happen to share.

Last time I spoke to your husband, he sacked me.

He said he was going to deal with this himself, and I think he meant it.

Does your husband own a gun?

I think you'd better leave. After all, you have been sacked.

1 agreed to stay until Monday, 0900 hours.

This couch grass is awful stuff. We must dear this area.

You've done that before!

1 used to work in the parks.

What do you do now?

I'm a barman at the Sloane Garden Hotel I've improved myself-

And you?

- I investigate insurance claims. - Oh, yeah?

What do you reckon? Is our GB the real deal?

"Judge not, lest you be judged.”

- An Atlantean said that. - Oh, come on.

He's sincere enough, but so was Rasputin. Diana believes him.

But then Diana believes that I once watched her bum to death at the stake.

Diana is one crazy lady.

I should worry about her if I were you.

Listen, one night she had a few too many at the hotel

We've been friends ever since.

She thinks we met on the Spanish Main.

She's got this whole movie about it running about in her head.

I'm an escaped slave, you see?

But I like her movies.

She says, "Come to this place, meet some people from Atlantis,” why not?

Makes a change from emptying ashtrays.

I say...!

Could somebody give me a hand?

Off you go!

Oh, about 10 or 15 years ago.

I don't.. I didn't..

Oh! Oh, it's awful

And, you see, it's ironic, this business about poor Laura.

- What's that? - Isn't it obvious?

No. Tell me.

Laura and I...

Keeping well, George? Laura, my wife, is she well, too?

She's very well

Do the flying saucers still visit? The little green men?

Millions of them.

Of course, the little green men come from under the sea now.

Why are you here?

Devious practices. Misappropriation of wife.

I have not misappropriated her. She's tired of living with you.

Misappropriation of wife and funds.

I should have left you in that ditch.

You know, Bureau pigs are my favourite animal

- Easy., Remy, easy. - Clear off.

- I'll stick around, thank you. - You heard the man.

We can discuss your problems without getting blood on the walls.

I'm not here for a discussion.

- I'm here for Laura. - Are you?

You know me. A man of my word.

I know you.

So, tell her to start packing.

I'll pass on your message.

I wouldn't make a fuss about this.

Life could become rather difficult for you and your merry band.

If you call up the police,

I'll stir up the damnedest Mess you ever saw.

Nothing the gutter press like better than a "weird cult” story.

Major, why don't you go away and take your friend with you?

Seven. She'd better be ready.

- I gave you the sack. - I'm still here.

Yeah, well, don't be here tomorrow

or you two could wake up sharing a drip-feed.

Your dream came true.

K-chnk!

I will murder you!

What is it? What's wrong?

- Norman's here. - Norman?

Yes, lurking in the wood shed.

He says he's coming here tomorrow to take you back.

- I'll talk to him. - He hasn't come to talk.

- He's brought Remy with him. - Who?

- He works on Norman's boat. - He knew you.

Yes, I had to arrest him once, or rather we had. It took three of us.

Should we call the police?

Your husband hasn't broken the law.

This chap, Remy, certainly has. What - threatening behaviour?

But it's our word against his and that could be messy.

And given the mood Norman Atherton's in, the bigger the mess, the better.

Damn and blast Norman.

I will not allow him to impose his will on Laura, nor anybody else,

and he's not going to interrupt our work here.

Mrs Atherton, does your husband have a gun?

Yes, he has.

He's had it for several years. I'm not meant to know about it.

Will you stay?

Well, in theory, I'm working for your husband.

But he sacked you.

Maybe I should just go out of this place, huh?

But you will stay?

Monday morning, 0900 hours.

Come.

How you doing, Major? Thought you might fancy a drink.

If I want to drink, I'll have one.

You don't mind if I do, do you?

This place is dead.

Downstairs, that bar's full of poofters in suits.

What a hole.

You are being paid to be in it.

Let's have a sort out and then we can go home.

The sort out is tomorrow.

He might be planning a runner.

I mean, you want your missus back, don't you?

The sooner we do the business, the better. Why wait?

Because I say so.

We are about to begin on a journey, to set out upon a new path.

But because of the darkness, we are uncertain.

Who will help us?

Who can show us the way?

Hail, Adzil, Master of the Third Level

We stand before you purified,

you who have lived a thousand lifetimes.

The password is "Shalt".

"Shati... Shati..."

Who shall be the eyes, ears and conscience of the Enlightened Ones?

Master Adzil, have you a message for us?

Something's going on.

Go on. Hop it.

Red wings...

Fire.-..

Fire.-..

Do you know what it's like to bum?

On your knees, Bowlingball On your knees.

- We'd better get him some fresh air. - Yeah.

Whoa.

Al right.

Not all visions are pleasant.

I've come to transact my business now.

All right, Laura, time to come home.

I shall come home when I please, Norman.

All those years,

you were writing to each other for years, a clandestine correspondence.

- Touching! - I shall write to whoever I choose.

But the all-seeing guru conned you out of £300,000.

How dare you!

You'd better come home before you "correspond" any more.

He has not conned me. I am donating the money.

First he takes my wife, then she gives him money.

You're besotted with this old fraud!

We're not physically involved.

- What? - We're not lovers.

You steal my wife and you can't even have her like a man?

On your knees, Bowlingball On your knees.

- Major, there was no talk of guns. - Be quiet!

On your knees, Bowlingball

Remember Normandy?

You had a Kraut bullet in you.

I came back for you so you could survive and collect your gong.

Well, you're back in that ditch now.

- Look, this is out of order. - Get back!

Hey!

Come on, son.

Come on.

Come here, Bergerac!

Get off! Get off me!

Do you know what it's like to bum?

You stood there and you watched.

Diana, put the gun down.

You didn't care.

You destroyed my life once and you're trying to destroy it again.

We're going back to my valley. We'll start again.

I never left... No-one ever left.

It's OK

It's OK

I reckon that's me out of a job. Pity! I could do with the work.

The major will cancel my cheque after all this.

- Mind how you go. - OK. You, too.

You've got a black eye.

Very funny.

He did all right, you know? All that Bruce Lee stuff.

- Thanks. - OK.

What a bunch of nutters!

See ya.

Oh. Looks nasty. You'd better get it cleaned up.

- Diana... - Yeah.

I know. I know.

You were my friend, George. Dammit, you were a soldier!

Yes, we were warriors.

But what did we do?

We made a desert and called it peace.

Don't you see? We are the enemy.

So Hitler wasn't really the enemy. He was just a trifle confused.

1 suppose your green men wanted us to be nice to him. Too bad!

Listen to me!

The Atlanteans are the last hopeful voices left in this world.

We must listen to their counsel

1 suppose they told you to steal Laura.

Norman...

I have 40 years invested in you.

I suppose I should be flattered

that you came stampeding over here to carry me back.

Well, you could have saved yourself the trouble.

I shall be back in my own good time.

Go home, Major. There's nothing you can do about the money.

It's over. Go home. Or are you jealous of little green men?

Oh!

- Take care. - Thank you.

It was an interesting experience.

Bye.

Bye, Connie.

I'll call you. OK?

- Morning, Jim. - Morning.

What happened?

I do not take divorce, all right?

This just came for you. By bike, no less.

Good news?

It's a message from Atlantis.