Original subtitles

Tu fais un cheque, tu fais quoi que ce soit.

Ce n'est pas moi qui peux faire un chéque.

Ben oui. Et tu signes en plus.

Camilla, c'est dangereux et ce n'est pas raisonnable!

Pendant que tu y es - appelle la police, l'armée?!

Ce que tu as dit est complétement idiot!

Why own beautiful things if they're always locked away in a bank?

Why take unnecessary risks?

Florent, you're an old woman. Assieds-toi et parle avec grand-mere!

I would love to wear it, just this once.

Well, you know the risks as well I do.

You...! Bloomin' Ada!

Carlos! CARLOS!

- Ow! - Hello?

Look, hang about, will you? I've just been stung.

- A damn great wasp has just stung me. - I'm sorry. Is that Charlie Hungerford?

Only I'm allergic, you see. CARLOS! CARLOS!

Charlie, it's Camilla Battiston.

Always amongst the missing!

Carlos!

Tomorrow I will come with you 10 collect the necklace.

- That's not necessary, thank you. - I insist.

- Half past ten at the bank, then. - Camilla?

- Very well. - Camilla?

- You are coming tomomow, aren't you? - Coming over? I could be dead!

If you're not, we'll be ready for you mid-afternoon onwards.

Look at that, will you? Just look at that!

- There's no way I'll be able to drive! - Bye for now.

Carlos? CARLOS!

Thank you.

Take your pick.

And the lucky winner is...

Jersey Electricity.

Oh...

Sorry, lads. Better luck next month.

- You can't do that! - I can't pay what I haven't got, Ellie.

And why haven't you got? Cos you don't put yourself about.

- Still sore, Mr Hungerford? - Blown up like a football

- I'll get you a cup of tea. - Thank you.

You... er... fancy a trip to France tomomow?

- Doing what? - Driving me

to a wonderful person's 80th birthday party.

Yours

- Constance Battiston's. - Oh, yeah?

A widowed English lady of some gentility. She lives near Dinan.

I knew her husband Georges through business.

You know everyone's husband through business, don't you?

Which is why I drive a Rolls-Royce, and you put your bills in a hat!

Can I have it back, please?

- You'll come to the party, of course. - Oh, thank you very much

- Well, why not? - I can't just go swanning off, can I?

- You want paying? - £150 a day.

- You what?! - That's what you paid me last time.

But that was a job - this is a jaunt!

Can't live on fun, Charlie.

-100 -125.

Done.

And I have been!

Vous étiez plutot contente avec mon travail, non?

Deux mois que j'attends!

Young man, I have already told you, you will be paid next week.

Qu'est-ce qu'il se passe?

Moi, j'ai fait mon boulot, et maintenant vous me payez Trots Mille.

Trots Mille francs, et tout de suite.

Why do we still owe him 3,000 francs?

The roof. The rain was coming in. I had no choice.

Et pas dans quinze jours!

What's going on here?

Nothing we need YOU for! They're not suing us yet!

Who was it?

Monsieur Jeff, Mademoiselle, I told him you were out.

I'm not 12 any more! I can choose MY OWN friends!

So she thinks she's in love.

It will pass when the novelty wears off.

- You must be patient. - Like a dog?

Madame, our families are good friends, and I have no wish to change that,

but perhaps I have taken too much for granted.

Nonsense!

You and Camilla are a perfect match.

Now she finds such "perfection" boring.

So it is pointless for me.

Florent, don't do anything rash. Leave the mistakes to Camilla.

Bonjour. Grand Hotel

Je voudrais parler avec Monsieur Jeff Langley.

Je crois qu'il est arrivé aujourd'hui.

- Hello? - Jeff?

Cammy! The management said you were out.

Oh, that cow Marie-Claude!

- How about popping over to Dinan? - I can't. There's too much to do.

The party...

All right, I'll come over and gate-crash.

- No! I've got to go now. - Bye.

All right, Tone?

No! You've had your fun. Don't mix it with business.

Georges was French, of course. The son and his wife were killed in a car crash,

so Camilla was brought up by Nanny Con.

She's supposed to be training as a doctor.

- Who, Nanny Con? - Camilla!

She's quite a stunner, actually. Very English with a Gallic streak.

She's a bit immature, of course, compared to Danielle.

By the way... after the party,

how do you fancy driving on down to visit Danielle?

- What? - Danielle at Saint-Armand...

I know where she lives, Charlie!

You see, I've been talking to Albert on the phone,

and this week would be a good time for us to get together on our wine deal

- Oh, yeah. - It seemed like a very good idea,

kill two birds with one stone. Three, counting you and Danielle.

OK. It'll cost you, though - an extra 50 quid a day.

You expect to be paid for visiting your girlfriend?! That's not very gallant.

- Pay or walk, Charlie. - Monsieur Bergerac?

Oh, thank you.

This place has gone downhill a bit.

- Charlie! - Camilla!

- Hello. - Hello.

Jim Bergerac.

- Come on in. - Get the luggage, will you, Jim?

I don't understand why she never said anything.

I mean, the coffers are obviously pretty empty.

Yes, I know the feeling.

But you were BORN to be poor, Jim. Constance is class.

I'll see you in the drawing room.

Oh, by the way, Jim, you... you did remember to bring a black tie?

It's a birthday party, isn't it? Not a funeral

I knew you'd be an embarrassment!

Managed to dress yourself, then, Charlie

Yes, thank you.

No Constance yet?

She always did love to make the grand entrance.

Well, I think we're entitled on our 80th birthday.

Then some of us have a great deal of time to practise!

Ah...

Connie! Connie!

You look marvellous.

I see the family jewels have come out for the occasion.

Yes, I thought it would be nice to wear MY necklace.

Was that the wedding present from Georges?

Such a generous man, my poor brother.

Not NOW, Aunt Sylvie, please.

Of course, it really needs a firm and young throat, doesn't it?

Well, yours was never that, dear, so it's no great loss.

- Nanny Con! - It is a bridal piece.

My elder sisters both wore it before Georges let it go out of the family.

My granddaughter Stephanie should really be the next.

Hmm. She will have to find a man first!

Unlike lovely Camilla, of course, who has more than she needs.

Poor Florent.

Are they always like this?

It is their therapy. It keeps them fit.

- Got a problem? - I saw someone go in there.

Tit's all right, thanks, I'll deal with it. Marie-Claude, take in the cake.

I don't want anyone else coming out.

Monsieur...

- Ne me touche pas, toi! - Pardon, Monsieur.

- Friend of the family, is he? - No, we owe him money.

- Tu me dois de l'argent, toi! - Monsieur, videz les poches.

- Tu me prends pour un voleur?! - Je ne pense pas, mais...

Tu veux me fouiller? D'accord. Vas-y.

Please, I just want him out. I don't want the evening spoiled.

Si tu ne me pa yes pas, je casserai tout -

Ne gachez pas cette soirée, hein?

Monsieur, s'il vous plait.

Thanks. That was very professionally done.

Yeah. I used to be a policeman.

Happy birthday to you.

Happy birthday to you.

Happy birthday, dear Constance.

Happy birthday to you.

I thought you were going to miss the cake.

And we're invited to stay here for lunch tomomow.

I thought we were going to Saint-Armand.

Well, lunch here, dinner there and champagne now, eh?

JE TAURAL TOI ET TON MARIOLE!

Relax! They're all in bed. And I've missed you.

I'm sorry, Jeff.

What, you mean Florent wouldn't like it

- Oh, don't be stupid! - I bet he was at the party.

Florent's always here. He's part of the furniture.

Right. Then I'm entitled to be jealous, aren't I?

I'll see you tomorrow, all right?

Oh, Jeff!

It's gonna be all right.

- Good night, Charlie? - Have I missed breakfast?

-Yes, - Thank God for that!

But not lunch!

- We're waiting for Camilla. - Is she still in bed?

She's taken the necklace back to the bank

Ah. Why didn't you offer to go with her?

- Because I didn't know she was going. - Oh.

Camilla! What happened?

Come on. Let's get you inside.

- The necklace has been stolen? - Yes.

- Mademoiselle Camilla! - Pas maintenant!

Get some tea, eh?

I'm all right. DON'T tell Nanny Con!

- Please, she mustn't find out! - Come and sit down.

Come on.

- You haven't told the police yet? - Look, I don't want her to know!

Well, you can't just say nothing, can you?

Oh, God!

Tell me, OK?

I'm so stupid!

These things happen. So tell me, yeah?

- There's nothing to tell - Well, there's where, for a start.

Near the bank

What was the name of the street?

Rue de Paimpol. It's just a side street.

I... I'd parked my car. Two men jumped out on me.

- Wearing masks, were they? - I didn't see their faces property.

And then what?

They... They dragged me into an alley...

banged my head against the wall..

Grabbed my bag with the necklace in it and... and ran off.

Back into the main street?

- Didn't anyone see them? - Nobody came to help.

And that was it?

Look, Jim, I think we'll have to skip lunch and get moving.

Hello? Oui, police, s'il vous plait.

You can forget about Saint-Armand today, Charlie.

Je suis traitée ici com me une vulgaire criminelle!

- Bloomin" Ada! - Is that the only French you know?

It's an extra day on the car hire for a start!

And a hotel overnight.

We can stay at Connie's, can't we?

Not if Camilla wants to keep this quiet, we can't.

Fat chance of that with HER around!

Monsieur, j'ai mes obligations. Je n'attendrai pas plus longtemps.

Je vous prie de prévenir de l'Inspecteur Rocheteau...

Monsieur Bergerac?

- Monsieur Rocheteau... - Madame, un instant, s'il vous plait.

Monsieur, s'il vous plait.

En somme, je suis traitée I com me... com me si j'étais n'importe quit!

Monsieur Bergerac, you were a guest at the party last night.

And, like the other guests, you knew of the necklace,

so I must know about you. Your address and occupation, please.

Address is Haute Brie, Grouville, Jersey. That's the Iles de la Manche.

Occupation... until recently, I was a detective sergeant

in the Jersey Bureau des Etrangers.

- Now I'm a private investigator. - Here on business?

No, not at the minute.

- Then what? - Pleasure. I was a guest at the party.

- Family friend? - Friend of a friend.

Mademoiselle Battiston tells me you dealt with an intruder last night.

Coincidence.

- The intruder's presence or yours? - Both, I can assure you of that.

And you were the first person to see Mademoiselle Battiston

- after the attack this afternoon? - Yeah, that's right.

Oh, you are always in the right place at the right time?

I wasn't in the Rue de Paimpol at the right time.

And now I should be halfway to Provence with Mr Hungerford.

- Another party? - Business, Mr Hungerford's business.

I'm the... the driver.

- Private investigator AND chauffeur? - Beggars cannot be choosers.

Monsieur Bergerac, I know I cannot insist, but I would be very happy

if you and Mr Hungerford could stay in Dinan a little longer.

And you have no objection if I contact your Bureau

- in Jersey? - No, not at all

Monsieur Rocheteau!

Monsieur Rocheteau!

'll take her away, if you like,

What's happened? Where have you all been?

- My lips are sealed. - If only that were possible!

Camilla.-.?

I... I had an accident. Jim's just taken me to hospital, but I'm fine, honestly.

An accident?!

- Where is Philippe? - He's in the kitchen with Marie-Claude.

- Camilla... - Nanny Con, everything's all right.

Florent isn't with you?

Florent knows where he is not wanted.

- Unlike YOU, dear. - Don't worry, I'm going.

Thank you for the most entertaining time and for a glimpse of the family jewels.

At least it is good to know that they are in such safe hands.

Come inside.

Please, Nan, I'm fine. I just want a bit of air.

I'll come in and tell you about it soon.

Go on now.

Ask Marie-Claude to make some tea, please.

- Was the necklace insured? - I've no idea.

I only know what it meant to Nanny Con.

- Lucky break for the two muggers. - What do you mean?

Your average handbag thief reckons on a few quid and a couple of credit cards,

not a diamond and sapphire necklace.

And how do you think that makes ME feel?

Do you owe people a lot of money? You and your nan, I mean.

Anyone likely to do this as a way of debt collecting?

Look, why don't you just mind your own business?

Aye, Dinan!

Yes, well, I don't know, Albert.

If we don't get the all-clear by lunch-time tomorrow,

that's another day gone, so...

Well, maybe I'd better call you once we're on our way.

Aye. Aye, right. Au revoir, Albert. Au revoir.

- How's Danielle? - I didn't ask.

- Hello? - Camilla?

Oh, hello.

I'm working late. I just wanted to make sure you are OK.

Yes, Florent, I'm OK. Thank you for asking.

I also wanted to apologise...

I was not much help to you this afternoon.

No, you weren't, were you?

But it doesn't matter - I can look after myself.

I don't need a pillar of society to lean on.

- Camilla? - Yes?

Will I see you tomorrow, as usual?

Yes... as usual

Oh.

- Well? - The builder?

He's got a cast-iron alibi.

- He was laying tiles at Rennes. - Never mind him! What about us?

- Can we get going? - Oh, yeah. This the menu?

Oh.

You see, Albert's got another couple of investors sniffing round

and he's not a sentimental man.

Well, you can drive yourself down there. That looks a lot better.

It ISN'T better! Can't we just grab a sandwich and get moving?!

It's something that Rocheteau mentioned.

All right, you stuff your face and be enigmatic!

I'll go and pack the bags. Two o'clock sharp, we're off!

Och! Blast!

Yeah, but...

Monsieur Charles Hungerford, this is Monsieur Xavier Merot,

L'Assurance Bretagne - that's the Battistons' insurance company.

Oh, right. Well, you'll be paying up promptly, I trust?

Thing is, Charlie, Camilla has already put a claim in.

So?

So the Inspector got in touch with Monsieur Merot.

Why?

It is a difficult matter, Monsieur. The Battistons are well respected.

- With friends in high places. - So any investigation...

- Investigation?! - -..must be discreet.

Look, excuse me, would you mind going for a cognac or a beer

while I have a word with Monsieur Bergerac here?

S'il vous plait.

Now, then, what are you playing at?

Camilla told me she didn't even know the necklace was insured.

- She was upset! Is that a crime - Monsieur Merot is unhappy, that's all

So, having accepted the Battistons' hospitality,

you're now going to accept money to dig up the dirt on them?!

Charlie, that necklace is insured for £90,000!

Do you expect them to pay up when they're not happy? Would YOU?

At least I know how to be discreet.

Now, if I satisfy the insurance company, and the police draw a blank,

then there's no fuss, the claim gets paid and everybody's happy, OK?

Well, I'M not! Apart from anything else, how much longer is it going to take?!

Oh, don't worry. I won't charge you AND the insurance company.

Oh, morning!

- Hello. - Could I have a word, please?

- I'm just on my way out. - Where are you going?

- Dinan, - It's no problem, I'll drive you.

Look, we've been paying premiums to L'Assurance Bretagne for 60 years

and never claimed a penny.

OK. Then the sooner we convince them that everything's above board,

the sooner you get paid. I thought the thing that mattered was the necklace

- and Nanny Con. - It is.

But if that's gone, at least the money will buy a good copy,

so when we get it out of the bank on her 90th, she won't know the difference.

Aha.

Florent Papin...

When you came back to the house after the attack,

he just stood there, didn't he? He did nothing.

A very strange reaction, that, from a man who is, um... close to you.

Have you given him the elbow?

- Do you approve of arranged marriages? - Oh, come on!

You mean Nanny Con is into matchmaking?

And Florent's father.

And the entire neighbourhood.

Well, tough!

There must be more to it than that.

How about Florent?

Doesn't he care?

Yes, I think he does.

But that's HIS problem now.

What's this got to do with the necklace, anyway?

- Anywhere here will do. - You sure?

This is fine, thanks.

- Oh, hello. - Look, clear off, will you?

- Why, what are you doing? - I'm working.

You don't want to do that. There's a nice restaurant round the comer.

Will you go away?

- Mr Bergerac. - Yes.

Our monthly visit to the family grave,

as Camilla would have told you, had you asked.

Or is it more fun sneaking around this way?

No, it's not fun.

Camilla says you've been asking about me.

So, perhaps, if you do have questions, you can ask them to my face.

Where?

Here.

Now.

What do you think happened to the necklace?

Well ..

While you were having your apéritif...

I drove into Dinan,

hit Camilla, took it

and slipped back again without you noticing.

You couldn't hit Camilla.

- Come on, I was not serious. - SOMEONE was.

Someone banged her head against a wall

You're saying Camilla is a liar?

I'm asking what you think. You know her better than I do.

Meaning?

The attack was very vicious for a couple of muggers.

A shove and a grab is usually enough for those boys.

And they were VERY lucky.

You see, Florent, it all points to someone in the know.

There's always Marie-Claude.

Servants know everything, don't they?

When she came back with the, um...

I'm sorry, but everyone knows how you feel about Camilla.

You did nothing, did you? You just stood there.

I was shocked.

It was a nightmare.

I'm not noted as a man of action.

And Jeff is?

Jeff is Camilla's business, not mine.

You ever met him?

No... and I have no desire to.

Well, if you don't try, you don't get, do you?

Qui ne risque rien, n'a rien.

Jeff...

All right. Let's sort this out.

What is that toffee-nosed bird doing here now, eh?

You're going to screw this whole thing up!

You've done what you're good at, now back off!

Soon be gone now, eh? No permanent damage.

As yet!

- See you, Tone! - Why is he still here?

Well, he's on his holidays.

He's never been to France before.

Besides, I've got to have someone to talk to while you're granny-sitting, haven't 1?

Jeff, they've hired a private investigator.

Magic

That's you, banging in the claim so quick!

What's he doing?

He's talked to me and to Florent.

And.?

I didn't tell him anything!

- Excuse me. - Monsieur?

The owner of a dark-grey convertible, is he a guest here?

Pardon, Monsieur?

Dark-grey convertible, just roared off, clipped my motor, didn't bother to stop.

The owner, is he a guest here?

A Jeff somebody?

Ah, Jeff! Monsieur Langley, c'est la chambre 27.

If there has been an accident, Monsieur, you must contact la police...

No, thank you.

- I'll just wait for him here. - It is not the problem of the hotel

Don't worry. I won't cause YOU any trouble.

Ca va, Madame?

Jeff, I'm just not cut out for this.

And I am?!

You know that's not what I mean.

That's the way everyone will see it if the lid comes off.

Cammy led astray by her bit of rough.

I'm the one that's gonna get done.

- Is that what you want? - No, of course not!

Right. Well, stay cool and do as I tell you, then.

I'm scared of Tony.

I'll see to Tony.

You're not afraid of ME, are you?

Good.

We've been turned over!

- It's about Jeff. - Jeff? Jeff who?

Jeff who was in the house the night before the robbery,

Jeff who is staying in a hotel at Dinan,

Jeff who keeps a street map in his baggage,

Rue de Paimpol highlighted.

- Have you told the police? - No, I haven't. Not yet.

It isn't what you think.

I think it is a set-up between you and Jeff.

My only problem is, where does Florent come in?

Florent?

He wasn't involved.

1 only did it for Nanny Con... so she could stay here.

She's had to sell so much to pay debts. I thought...

If you could cheat L'Assurance Bretagne out of 90 grand,

everything would be all right, yeah?

She'd have to sell the necklace in the end.

It would have broken her heart.

- Where's the necklace now? - Jeff's looking after it.

Once the insurance money had been paid, I was going to deposit it again somewhere,

Nanny none the wiser.

And she wouldn't wonder how the balance came to be topped up?

I could have coped with that.

How much are the insurance company paying you?

Enough.

Charlie says you're finding it hard making ends meet too.

You could have 10,000.

There'll be plenty left.

Listen, I'll make you a deal

The necklace tums up back here, OK,

in a paper bag, on the front doorstep, whatever,

within 24 hours, and I won't say a word, not to anyone.

Not to the police, not to L'Assurance Bretagne, nobody. OK?

Listen, come here. Sit down.

You have committed a serious criminal offence.

You and Jeff. I assume it was Jeff's idea. Yeah?

Why?!

OK, it was YOUR idea.

- Do you trust him? - Yes!

He did it for ME.

And a art?

60 for me, 40 for Jeff and Tony.

Tony's the little one, is he?

Well, they seem reasonable people.

There shouldn't be any problem when you tell them the deal is off.

Or isn't Tony that philanthropic?

Is he the one banged your head against the wall?

Looks as if he enjoyed it.

What can they prove from a street map?

How the bloody hell do I know?

But I tell you what I do know, though. I'm on the first ferry back home!

- No! - Look, sell the stones back in London!

How much do you think we're going to get if we break it up?

Not 40 grand, that's for sure.

We'll end up with sod all at this rate, except about 15 years!

I bloody hate France!

Leave that!

Jeff, it's Cammy.

- What's wrong? - Nothing. It's nothing.

I just want to be with you. Can I come a over?

Yeah.

Yeah, I suppose so.

I'll be there in half an hour.

See ya.

You're off your nut, you are!

Maybe you're right.

Is that comfortable?

Don't look at it! Just forget it's there.

Don't touch it, anything like that, and speak normally, right?

And if this guy tums up trumps, I'll be best man at your wedding.

Come on, off you go.

Come in, Cammy.

Hi.

- Where's Tony? - Oh, out and about.

- You're leaving? - Don't panic.

I'm just keeping my options open.

This room's been turned over, see?

Couldn't have been your private eye friend, could it?

Jeff, it's not going to work...

It'll work if you stay cool

No, I think we should just give the necklace back.

Do what?!

Just let it tum up out of the blue, forget the whole business.

And what about the money?

I'll find some other way of helping Nanny Con.

One of the people at the party, a businessman from Jersey...

Stuff Granny! What about me? I've invested a lot in this, sweetheart.

I'm not about to jack it all in now.

But he knows everything - Bergerac, the investigator.

You dozy cow!

You've coughed, haven't you?

No, thanks. We'll do it Tony's way now.

What about me, then? Us?

What about us?!

You've gotta be born rich to live on love, Cam.

Sorry.

Jeff...

Give me the necklace, PLEASE!

All that money spent on your education, and you're still stupid.

Really stupid.

1 trusted you.

Run back to Florent!

You OK?

Sure?

You must be Mr Bergerac.

And you must be Jeff-

Clever boy

Come on over.

We can't trade like this.

It's nice up here, innit?

I always come here when I've a bit of time to kill

You got the necklace?

Cammy bottled out.

How about you?

A cut, dimbo! Go on!

Why not fill your boots?

Cammy won't say naff all. The family honour's at stake.

I could trust you to send me a cheque, could 1?

I'll tell you what. I'll give you a few stones now, if you like.

Ils m'ont attaqué!

Ils ont essayé de me tuer! Ils sont des bétes, des animaux!

I got it.

- Are you sure you're all right? - Yes.

Where's Jeff?

Er, he and Tony managed to get themselves arrested.

There you go.

One diamond and sapphire necklace.

I'm sorry there's no paper bag.

Thank you.

And WHAT is this?

- It's your necklace, Gran. - Why isn't it in the bank?

Camilla, will you please stop treating me like a geriatric? What is going on?

Somebody's been playing silly beggars, it you ask me.

The necklace was stolen. Mr Bergerac got it back.

How very kind of him.

The thieves would have been so disappointed.

Madame...

Florent, your sense of guilt is making an old man of you.

- Unburden yourself. - But...

This would seem to be an appropriate moment.

It's a copy.

Bloomin" Ada!

How else do you think I've survived and you have been educated?

On the income from your grandfather's debts

I sold the real necklace years ago.

But the insurance.-.?

We kept that up, yes. Part of the pretence.

My father made the arrangements, and I... inherited the secret.

Oh, Nanny Con...

Of course, it is a very GOOD copy.

I have my pride, if not the necklace.

You shall wear it on YOUR wedding day.

Sylvie wouldn't spot the difference,

even if her eyesight WEREN'T failing.

- No, no, no, no. I'll drive for a bit. - Oh, OK. There you go.

For you.

Presents, as well!

- Thank you. - It's to put your bills in.

Right, my man - Saint-Armand and Danielle!

Oh, didn't I tell you?

- Um... Danielle won't be there. - What?!

No, she had to go to Italy last night. An exhibition of wine vats or something.