Original subtitles

- Hey, Alain! C'est pour moi? - Merci.

- Charlie! - How are you?

- You couldn't put me up for a few days? - Yes, of course. When?

Tomorrow?

What are you coming back for?

I've got a warning for court.

OK. Well, see you when you get over. Alright, bye.

Looking after you all right, are we, Gerry?

Superlatively. You always do.

My ex-son-in-law wants to come and stay.

Who could blame him? This must be the best hotel on Jersey!

Well, we don't lay this on for everybody, do we, Carlos?

You remember Jim?

- Yes. What's he doing with himself? - Oh, this and that.

Bits and bobs in France. I think he might be getting a bit restive though.

And Charlie Hungerford has plans for Bergerac?

No, nothing specific. I don't have to do anything. Jim is very much his own man.

But I can't see him staying in France for the rest of his life.

- You're a crafty cove, Charlie. - I wouldn't say that.

I would! Wily. You've always got a few plans on the go.

What's this spread in aid of?

Lunch. And Leighton Computer Services. Our deal

Not OUR deal, Charlie. You'll get me shot. I'm his banker.

So you won't want anything out of it.

Only someone has put it into the mind of one of our... one of my syndicate

that Leighton Computer Services is not going to sell,

that we've all been led up the garden path,

and Leighton has solved his problems and will keep the company going.

Why tell me?

Because you would know, mister bank manager.

And you expect me to tell you if he's in a better position and won't sell?

No, I just want to know if we're all wasting our time.

- I don't suppose I'd be here if we were. - All right.

Then I want to know, is there another player on the park?

No.

C'est une plaisanterie? Anne-Claire, réponds moi!

In English! You're upsetting Maman.

Are you saying you've allowed this English toad to fleece us?

My husband is from Jersey, not England.

Fleece us! And all you can say is "Je veux le quitter.”

In English.

It's not his fault.

Clearly! He's not here saying you've squandered his family fortune.

- For heaven's sake! - I don't think he wants to leave you.

It's not the family inheritance that's been squandered.

No.

No. This is the family inheritance.

Since Leighton's stolen your share, you'll end up here needing more, little sister.

You'll get the farm, Henri.

By law, it's ours when Mother dies.

I won't take what is yours. Anyway, I'm leaving. That's that!

And who are you running off with? Your English boyfriend?

Nobody, I'm just leaving.

Yes, leaving our money.

It's not our money, it's from the trust.

The trust is our money!

Anyone would think you couldn't afford a pair of shoes!

Our money, our inheritance.

- It's gone already, it's lost. - Et qui l'a perdu?

Je veux le quitter. I don't want to stay with him.

I don't give a damn for him any more.

He's lost the money and now he's losing me. OK?

No! It's not OK.

Je le quitte. C'est tout!

Il faut que je m'en aille, Maman.

I've already written to him. I'm not going to live with him any more.

He lost it! You have to make him recover it.

If you just leave him like that, you will have... conspired!

I want you to look up a number for me, please.

Yes, I want you to look under "Detective".

You'd better tell Leighton the news about the conditions.

I don't want to compromise my loyalties.

Of course.

My people just want to stop him faffing about.

It makes it a buyer's market rather, with only one buyer.

Your syndicate had better not drop the price or I will feel abused.

The price to him or the price to you?

That's not very nice, Charlie, but since you put it that way, both.

You don't need to worry. It's just a question of a deadline.

My syndicate want to get on with the deal, pure and simple, at the price we discussed

- with Leighton, that's all - Good.

So he signs by the end of the working week and you...

I'll do nothing. I can't, Charlie. Fiduciary relationship and all that.

Cut it out, Gerry. You'll still get your bunce all right.

Bye, Charlie. Oh, and Charlie... thanks for lunch.

Bitten. They're putting the squeeze on.

If Leighton doesn't close the deal by Friday, it's off.

- And will like close it? - Only if his wife has a change of heart.

What makes you so sure?

He can't sell without her signature and she's told me she's going to abandon ship.

When she makes up her mind, she's a very determined woman.

How do you know?

I know. Bank on it.

Yes?

DC Lomas.

Lomas. Over.

Location, please.

I'm on the dock.

What are you doing down there, Lomas?

Following up an inquiry.

Come off it. What inquiry?

Um...

While you're thinking up the rest of your excuse, Lomas,

make it back to my office. In five minutes! Your paperwork needs sorting.

I'll be in touch.

Excuse me, sir, do you have any means of identification?

Yes.

There you go.

Why are you here, Mr Bergerac?

I don't have to have a reason. I was born here. Says so in there. Look.

But are you resident at the moment?

- I live here on and off. What is this? - Just state your business, please, sir.

I have a warning to appear in court. It's a kind of summons.

Attorney-General vs De La Ville. That all right?

- Thank you, Mr Bergerac. - Thank you.

Enjoy your stay.

- Hello, Willy! - Hello, Jim.

Nice of the judge to organise a reception committee.

- What judge? - You're not here to chauffeur me around?

No, I'm working.

- Aw. - Where are you staying?

Charlie's. I'm off now to get the key. I'll leave you to it. See you.

- 294? - That's what I got out of him.

- Unofficially. - Not bad. That's a fair price,

the market price.

You and I both know there isn't a market in defunct computer companies, Thomas.

Not here. The syndicate Charlie Hungerford has found for you is the only player.

- They don't know that, though. - No. No, they shouldn't.

I do know that they're seeking an early close to the deal

Oh, yes? When?

Well, you have rather taken your time.

I'm not the only owner of the company.

Anne-Claire's family line is

they don't understand why we're being forced to sell it.

Friday.

Friday what?

I'm surprised Charlie Hungerford hasn't spoken to you.

I know his syndicate told him yesterday.

I've been running around this last 24 hours.

Running around?

Friday is the deadline.

Otherwise they're going to pull out and you'll be left with no-one to sell to.

What's the matter, Thomas?

Anne-Claire has gone. She left me.

Which means she's unavailable to sign,

which means we can't close the deal until I find her.

Oh, dear.

Hence the running around. I can't find her.

I think I may be able to suggest someone here, someone who could help you.

Hello!

- Hi. Locked out? - Yeah. He'll be back soon.

He was expecting me.

I'm sorry to cut you at the airport. We've unloaded the judge now.

Ooh, judge, eh?

A Ghanaian chap. Staying with the governor.

The new inspector says we've got to baby-sit him to and from the court.

The new inspector says, does he?

Deffand. The governor, the chief or the new inspector says, so we baby-sit him.

Someone knocks him off some other time, it's not our problem.

- Who says that? - Me!

- Nothing changes. - I was well pleased to see you.

- Relieved, actually. - Why, what's wrong?

- It's Ben. - Does he get a bit uppity

- with his new stripes? - No, he'll be lucky to keep his job.

- Oh, there you are, Jim! - Hello, Willy.

Hi. Tl push off.

There's no need.

I'm still working. I've got to pick Ben up from town.

- What's wrong with him? - Wish I knew.

- Missing all that, eh? - No, no.

Oh... Sorry, I don't know where Ellie's got to.

- How are you? - Me? I'm fine, thanks.

And the vineyard?

The vineyard? The vineyard is growing as vineyards do!

Right.

Now.-.from Albert.

A little present for you.

It's olive wood, that, It's a traditional gift.

Traditional, eh?

That's nice.

They give those to Englishmen who come bearing cheque books.

- Hello, Ellie. - Jim! Hello! How are you?

- I'm fine, thanks. - I've been out for this.

- How nice! Thank you! - Charlie said it was your favourite.

Hungerford Enterprises.

Thomas Leighton here. Can I talk to Charlie?

Yes. Just one moment, please.

Mr Leighton.

- Tea? - Oh, please!

It's about Jim Bergerac. I wanted him to do something for me. I thought...

Gerry Wenslow suggested you might know where to get hold of him.

Oh. Oh, he did, did he?

Well, you can tell Gerry Cleverclogs

that Jim is right here, as he well knows.

I wonder, could we arrange to meet?

Of course we can meet, Thomas.

Get your skates on.

Where shall we meet?

I saw our friend this morning.

Life's not treating him very well He's never going to make it.

The price?

I don't reckon you need go over 150.

What's your plan for the wife?

Well, it's the principle of set a thief to catch a thief.

I've sent Leighton off to hire a copper -

or to be more precise, an ex-copper - Bergerac.

Policeman?

Don't worry. Leighton needs to do something, anything.

So hiring this bloke will be action, at least it will be by his lights.

Bergerac's a private detective?

No, he's not even a real private detective -

he's just some thick head of an ex-copper -

but I want Leighton to hire him to find his wife,

or more precisely, from your point of view, fail

Just trust me. Bergerac's not going to find her.

Leighton won't get her signature.

And you'll get your deal

1507

150. That's it

Fine.

Sweet.

Oh, and, Phil, remember who brought it to you first.

And exactly what do you think you're doing?

Er...

I got lost!

Well, you can just stay here till Security comes and unloses you.

Stop him, someone!

Stop him!

DC Lomas. Over.

Lomas, are you receiving? Over.

Pettit.

Go ahead, Pettit.

I had to drop him in town, sir.

He was taken short.

He ought to see a doctor.

I take it you're finished with your duty from the airport? Over.

Yes, sir. Over.

Right. I want the two of you to run past Leighton Computer Services.

They've got a walk-in burglar there. Over.

That is a uniform job, sir.

Well, they're all busy and you're not. Out.

Thank you.

Where are we going?

Woodentop job just around the comer.

A walk-in burglary in an office.

- Is this it? - Yeah. Let's get it over with.

Is this some sort of wind-up?

Yeah, absolutely. Have it out with Deffand.

I'm not going in there.

What?

They're having us on. I'm not going in.

You lost your marbles or something?

Look, this is a nothing job. It's a tuppenny-ha'penny burglary.

It's hardly enough to provoke Jersey's first police strike.

I'm not going in.

Half an hour.

Perhaps I'd better go.

The police are on their way.

Yes?

The police have arrived.

Thank you.

Now.

I'm dying for a cup of tea!

The French couldn't make a decent cup of tea if their lives depended on it.

Going off France, are you?

Oh, certainly not. It has its compensations. Danielle, for one.

Mind you, I think she's about to shove me off the nest.

You two haven't been arguing, have you?

No, no! Don't intend to either, but...

It does mean making some effort to organise the rest of my life.

Thank you for coming, Mr Bergerac.

Howzat?!

I'm sorry. My team, you know.

You sound as if you owned it.

My family have been playing for them since the year dot. I'm the last one.

I have no children.

Makes me feel proprietorial

Bloody hell!

Ray!

Get rid of him. We don't want people like that.

Right, sir.

- You can trust Jim. - I intend to.

"Jim" is actually here

Has Charlie briefed you?

Your wife's cleared off and you want me to find her, right?

Well put, if a little pointed.

- You also want my advice. - I want you to find her.

I'll give you my advice, Mr Leighton, give you it for free.

If your wife is simply fed up with you,

you go to your marriage guidance counsellor or your local vicar.

And if you think she's in any danger, you go to the police.

Those are the choices.

People stopped needing enquiry agents

when they stopped needing mysterious co-respondents

and Brighton hotels, around 1960.

This is not a "go to the police" matter - it's a private matter.

Is it a question of you feeling proprietorial?

I thought you said you'd briefed him.

- How do you know she's on the island? - She's taken no clothes.

It's a question of needing her presence by Friday.

She has to sign a document or my company isn't worth tuppence. Our company.

Is that it? No sentiment?

Of course there's sentiment - I want her back -

but I need her back this week

What's in this for you?

Howzat?!

Mr Hungerford has arranged the deal to sell our company.

Will he lose a lot of money if you can't find her?

"He" is actually here, you know

We both will. I shall lose a great deal, most of the value of my business.

OK. I'll try and find her. 250 quid a day.

250?! That's outrageous! It's twice the going rate!

Well, OK, pay half each. Agreed?

Look, hang on a minute!

What's this?

One of Deffand's little efficiency numbers.

Names, files, court cases, status, all that.

- What's it for? - What do you think? Flannel

Cowshed confetti.

In case the Chief comes in and asks why we need a Deffand.

Je vais répondre.

Qui?

Allo. Je m'appelle Lomas. Je veux parler avec Anne-Claire si Elle est 13.

My sister isn't here. She lives in Jersey.

Yes, I know. I was wondering whether she's arranged to stay with you?

No.

And she hasn't warned you she might?

Or might not.

Mr Lomas, I know who you are and what is the relationship with my sister.

Just what are you saying?

Well, I was really just phoning to see whether you could tell me where she was.

Listen, while I've got you on the phone, you stinking rat...

I'll call you back.

Pauvre mec!

What is this? Some sort of death wish?

What are you on about?

Silver braid, comes in threes. You're up for some of them. Ring any bells?

It doesn't concern you, all right?

Said the future Sergeant Lomas, soon to be the ex-future Sergeant Lomas.

You got it now?

Look, old pork face in there is grinding his little knife for you,

choosing a spot right between your shoulder blades, waiting for his moment.

You don't even seem to notice. You're too busy with this...

Well, at least we know what it is now.

Meaning?

Meaning you can't do your job because you've gone skirt crazy!

Ben, what are you doing, phoning from here?

Look, she's run away from home, all right?

We had this meeting which I missed

cos of Deffand and his cockeyed burglary.

Left for you

at the front door of Saint Helier nick.

They sent it over here by internal mail

So what happened at Leighton Computers?

Er, we got a prisoner for a walk-in attempted burglary.

This is the file.

- Mainlander? - Er, yes, sir.

- Down the court tomorrow morning? - Yes, sir.

Put his name on the board.

That's...

for added efficiency, that. OK?

Yes, sir.

No particular danger of you coming over with an attack

of extra efficiency, Lomas.

You'll both be down there, 50 I'll make arrangements

for escorting our visitor.

Social secretary, that's what he is.

Speaking of which...

get your love notes delivered at home, Detective Constable.

Yes, sir.

1 expect the phone call was business?

Sir.

You, son, are this far away from finding yourself in front of the Chief.

Just push me this much further, OK?

Sir.

We've got a prisoner?

He asked me. What was I supposed to say?

You could have gone in, then you would have had a prisoner,

and he would have had to keep his mouth shut. This much.

OK, girls, thank you very much. Good day's work.

And, Tracy... Try and be early tomorrow.

Mr Vemey?

We don't do men's hair.

My name's Bergerac, Jim Bergerac.

I know who you are.

I'd like a bit of information, please.

Get stuffed.

Do you want to know why I know who you are?

I have a feeling you're going to tell me.

Because you nicked my brother once.

That's right. Cocaine.

This much.

Still had it, didn't he?

This much!

- Just a couple of questions, OK? - No.

You're not a copper now, and I don't have to talk to you, Bergerac.

The husband of one of your clients thinks she might be seeing someone.

So what's new?

Straight after her appointments with you.

They all do, that's why they go to the hairdresser's. Now push off.

Are you trying to accuse me?

No.

So M-Y-0-B!

What line of work are you in now, Bergerac?

Trouble, Mr Vemey.

And you'll get a lot of that,

if your posh customers discover that your brother took the fall for you.

That's not true.

But proving it is not true isn't going to do you much good, is it?

Oh... What do you want to know?

Anne-Claire Leighton.

That's not information! Ask anyone!

I'm asking you.

Ask anyone. It's a public event.

What are you asking me for anyway?

Everyone but the police seem to know!

- I'm not a policeman. - That's right.

But you still know him.

You should get yourself connected, mate. You're going rusty.

Oh, sorry I'm late.

I didn't know where you were staying.

You got my note, though.

Oh, yeah.

You really left him?

- You got a place? - I got it through a letting agency.

Everything is foam and Formica.

But shill ..

I missed you.

A pint of bitter.

Come on, drink that. We'll get something to eat.

No, Ben, I'm too tired to eat. I'm going home.

All right. Let's go home.

No.

I only sent you the note, so you would know I was all right.

What's up?

Are you angry cos I'm late?

No. I'm tired.

When will I see you?

I'll ring you, Ben.

I'm trying to be a reformed character.

Which means what?

Which means I want to be kind to you.

This is the end.

Hang on!

I've served my purpose, is that it?

Now you come to mention it, yes.

You were a temporary arrangement.

Oh, yeah? Found someone better?

I wouldn't have put it quite that way.

Or maybe you always had something else in mind?

I'm just a Jersey copper, eh?

Bit downmarket for the likes of you.

I wouldn't have put it that way myself...

I'm not stupid.

But then I don't have your unerring instinct to find the mot juste.

Hang on.

T's for you.

Well, now he's gone, once and for all

And I'm out here waiting for you.

Thank you.

Good morning.

Right, take the cuffs off.

Mr Bergerac, I'm sorry we've kept you.

Mr De La Ville is a no-show, I'm afraid.

If you could come back tomorrow...?

Yes. OK

Goad. Er... Davis?

- That's me. - Court two.

Oh... Willy!

Excuse me, mate. Do you know DC Pettit?

Great.

Could you.. give him this note from me, please?

I think we could have done a bit better than that, actually.

You're always wise after the event! Anyone ever tell you that?

Thanks.

A mate of yours.

Davis... Alias Parry.

Self-styled private eye.

Hang on.

Thank you.

He has just got off the Leighton burglary, because my mate and yours -

no names, no pack drill, Ben Lomas - ruined the file.

Yeah?

First of all, take a copper that's not at all interested in paperwork - me.

Then you take another who's normally perfect at it - Ben -

and he's trusted by his lazier mate,

only today Mr Perfect Paperwork Copper

has allowed his brain to fall into almost total disrepair.

Next, you take a smelly little toerag like Davis, Parry,

or whatever his name is, you hire the most expensive barrister in Britain...

Thank you.

to defend him on a penny burglary charge.

1,500 quid a day tn get a geezer in a £50 suit off a burglary

that's only worth a suspended anyway!

You mix them all up together in a dirty sack

and what falls out might loosely be referred to as cock-up pie.

And Deffand is gonna kill us when he finds out about this.

And he might be able to plead mitigation on the murders.

Where's Parry staying?

I did know.

It'd be an advantage to put a tail on him - to mine too.

I'm looking for someone.

You're working and you'd like a bit of help?

Oh, Detective!

You holding De La Ville, are you?

Who are you?

Ah, Bergerac. Jim Bergerac. And you?

Inspector Deffand.

Oh, yes.

I'm looking for DC Lomas.

Bergerac? Mr Bergerac?

There used to be a Bergerac who worked here. A sergeant.

But he left the place such an ill-disciplined shambles,

I don't expect that Bergerac would dare to show his face again. Not here.

- I was looking for DC Lomas. - Why?

Well, that's between him and me, innit?

Business only here, Mr Bergerac. No secrets.

What do you want him for?

What rank are you?

Detective Inspector.

No, I mean in private life. In the big wide world outside this place.

- Don't play games with me, Bergerac. - Mr Bergerac.

You see, you only outrank the boys in here.

Outside, in the real world,

in real life, you don't outrank anyone, more specifically you don't outrank me.

So could you please try and be civil?

Do you have something relevant to say about a case?

Or have you just come here to see how well I've straightened out your mess?

Could you give that to DC Lomas for me?

I just want him to give me a ring. I'm at Charlie Hungerford's.

Have you, by any chance, rented a cottage at all to a Mrs Leighton,

Anne-Claire Leighton, French lady, over the last couple of weeks?

No, nobody by that name, I'm afraid.

- No? - Sorry.

- All right, thanks very much. - Thanks, bye.

- Charlie! - Eh?

- Do you want some tea? - Oh, aye, thanks.

How are you getting on with this... Anne-Claire business?

Well, I haven't had very much time, have I?

Oh, no, no, no.

I have come across a discrepancy.

Discrepancy?

Yeah. Could Leighton be having us on?

No. It's not in him.

Then that leaves me with a problem.

Anne-Claire Leighton is having an affair with Ben Lomas.

No! Where did you get that from?

Oh, an impeccable source - her hairdresser.

Which means she's probably cleared off with him.

Have you asked Ben?

No. He's disappeared too.

He bombed out on a court case this morning.

Oh, dear.

A court case concerning a burglary at Leighton Computer Services.

Leighton's?

- Looks ugly. - Hm, could be very ugly.

Why would your friend Leighton employ me

if he knows I'm only going to tum up Ben Lomas?

Or did he know of Lomas's existence already

and just wanted to speed him on his way?

No, that's not Tommy Leighton.

He might get embarrassed, he might get furious, but he's dead straight.

Well, who's being devious, then?

That beggar Wenslow, Leighton's bank manager.

Yes, I know him.

I can see what he's after now.

He's probably working with someone who'll make Leighton a lower offer

if he fails to sign with my syndicate.

And he can't sign with us until he's found Anne-Claire.

So Wenslow just wants to block your deal, eh?

Why am I involved?

Well, Wenslow thinks you'll be ineffectual

You'll spend all your time chasing after Ben

and none of it finding Anne-Claire. And by Friday,

which is the syndicate's deadline, it"ll be too late.

You will have been a complete waste of time to Leighton.

Well, couldn't the syndicate just move the deadline?

Well, when I tell them about this can of worms, yes.

What does Wenslow's bank get out of Leighton accepting a lower offer?

The bank?

You are naive sometimes - do you know that, Jim? - about business.

That's not what you said yesterday when I was negotiating my fee.

The bank won't get anything out of it!

Backhanders - that's what's in it for Wenslow.

He'll pick up all the ackers - the cash - for giving inside information.

I've found her. No sign of Ben, though.

Au revoir, madame.

- Henri? - Qui.

That's his car.

- Better let me talk to him first. - Hang on. Who's this?

- My brother-in-Law. - With Parry.

The bloke who burgled your office. Now we know who hired him.

And who paid for the expensive lawyer

to get him off his burglary charge. Would have been...

Embarrassing if Parry had stood up in court and said

my wife's brother had hired him to pry into my business.

Henri paid.

Arrête!

Espéce de salaud!

Fous le camp!

- Leighton know about Ben? - He must do.

Everyone who knew her did.

He must have known and chosen to ignore it.

Deffand will find out about it sooner or later.

I think he'll know already.

Qu'est-ce que tu fais? Tu es fou?

- Ca suffit. Tu t'habilles et tu viens. - Méle-toi de tes affaires!

All very moving, this love business.

- I'll be off before they make me sick. - No.

Prends la reste de mes bag ages.

Won't you come home?

Of course I won't come home with you! After what you've done to me?

Me?

Money. Money! You lost our money.

What about him?

A divertissement. A piece of fluff!

Thomas!

Al money.

That's it, Willy. Money, power or a bit of fluff.

Which category do you think she had Ben in, then, eh?

Let's go and find Deffand.

Al right.

I'll put my cards on the table.

I'll tell him who Parry really is and try to stop him murdering you two.

Huh!

- You'll never do it! - I'll offer him a deal

- A deal? - A deal

A deal? A DEAL? What do you mean, a deal?

Hi.

What's going on?

Jim's just popped round to introduce himself to Deffand.

- "Ring me at Hungerford's. Jim." - Save yourself the cost of a phone call

- I's not Liberty City around here! - All right, all right! Calm down.

But he is a good officer and you know it.

Standards.

What deal?

You keep Lomas clean, you defend him.

It anyone wants to sack him, you say, "Let him who is without in."

What do I get out of this deal?

For a start, the man who failed to answer the summons at the Royal Court -

the reason I am in Jersey.

What do you think you're doing?

What's that got to do with me?

Well, the magistrate has issued a warrant.

I thought this was a deal! You start talking about tuppenny-ha'penny charges

down the Royal Court...

I said, what do you think you're doing?

I can tell you where to find him.

Am I supposed to get excited?

De La Ville. You've had him in custody all the time.

He can't attend court if you've got him locked up, can he?

If I were you, I'd get down to the courthouse and make your apologies

before they figure it out, or your name could be Lucky.

Lucky?

Lucky the judge doesn't jail you for contempt.

I asked you a question. What were you discussing back there?

What do you think, Ben?

Well, you had no right. You hear me? No right.

You are out of the job, so stay out and mind your own business. Got it?

Got it?

Deal's gone through. She's signed. Thanks all round. This is for you.

- You sound like a telegram. - Cheer up. There's £500 for you.

I feel better already.

Well, what do you think of it, then?

It looks very nice.

It wouldn't take much selling to Danielle.

- What? - The idea of you working here.

Then she wouldn't have to push you out of the nest.

We could share Ellie. I'll get some furniture. There's plenty of space.

No, thanks, old chum.

I've been doing some figures. It'd work a treat.

"Hungerford Investigations".

No. But thanks for the cheque. I booked a table over the road. OK?

- "Jersey Investigations"? - No.

- But you'd be good at it. - No!

- Well, "Bergerac Investigations Jersey”? - No.

"Bergerac Investigations Jersey and France"?

I'll see you at the restaurant.