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* Terrible Tudors,
Gorgeous Georgians
2
00:00:03,333 --> 00:00:04,433
* Slimy Stuarts,
Vile Victorians
3
00:00:04,533 --> 00:00:06,133
* Woeful wars,
Ferocious fights
4
00:00:06,233 --> 00:00:07,933
* Dingy castles,
Daring knights
5
00:00:08,033 --> 00:00:10,400
* Horrors that defy description,
Cutthroat Celts, awful Egyptians
6
00:00:10,500 --> 00:00:12,933
* Vicious Vikings, cruel crimes,
Punishment from ancient times!
7
00:00:13,033 --> 00:00:14,267
* Roman, rotten,
rank and ruthless
8
00:00:14,367 --> 00:00:15,733
* Cavemen, savage,
fierce and toothless
9
00:00:15,833 --> 00:00:17,033
* Groovy Greeks,
Brainy sages
10
00:00:17,133 --> 00:00:18,167
* Mean and measly Middle Ages
11
00:00:18,267 --> 00:00:20,900
* Gory stories, we do that
12
00:00:21,000 --> 00:00:23,833
* And your host a talking rat
13
00:00:23,933 --> 00:00:26,433
* The past is no longer
a mystery
14
00:00:26,533 --> 00:00:32,367
* Welcome to
Horrible Histories *
15
00:00:32,467 --> 00:00:35,533
Measly Middle Ages
16
00:00:38,333 --> 00:00:41,700
Seriously, why does it
have to be me
17
00:00:41,800 --> 00:00:44,000
Alright I'll do it!
18
00:00:44,100 --> 00:00:46,833
-You guys have to back me up,OK?
- Absolutely. Yes.
19
00:00:46,933 --> 00:00:49,367
- We're right behind you.
- Cool.
20
00:00:58,733 --> 00:01:01,367
-Yes ?
-Good morning, sir.
We were just wondering...
21
00:01:03,067 --> 00:01:05,400
I was just wondering if,
22
00:01:06,867 --> 00:01:08,767
possibly we, um...
23
00:01:08,867 --> 00:01:10,133
We'd like a pay rise?
24
00:01:12,767 --> 00:01:16,500
I'm sorry. I thought you just
said you wanted a pay rise
25
00:01:16,600 --> 00:01:20,267
I did. We want more money
and better working conditions.
26
00:01:20,367 --> 00:01:23,867
Is this some sort of peasant
joke that I'm too rich
to understand?
27
00:01:23,967 --> 00:01:27,000
No. It's just, thanks to this
terrible plagues sweeping
the country.
28
00:01:27,100 --> 00:01:29,367
Us peasants are
dropping like flies
29
00:01:29,467 --> 00:01:31,633
Those of us who are left
are quite valuable.
30
00:01:31,733 --> 00:01:35,300
Valuable indeed! What rubbish!
31
00:01:35,400 --> 00:01:38,333
Really, some of us have had
some rather tempting offers
32
00:01:38,433 --> 00:01:40,733
- from other local knights
in the area so...
- Now, you listen to me,
33
00:01:40,833 --> 00:01:42,700
you grubby little commoner.
34
00:01:42,800 --> 00:01:45,467
You'll work my fields for
pittance and you'll be thankful
35
00:01:45,567 --> 00:01:48,200
Otherwise I'll throw you off my
land and give your job to...
36
00:01:48,300 --> 00:01:49,367
What's that one called?
37
00:01:50,933 --> 00:01:52,833
-Er, that's Phil.
-Phil!
38
00:01:52,933 --> 00:01:55,733
Your job will go to Phil, got it
39
00:01:55,833 --> 00:01:58,233
PHIL COUGHS
40
00:02:01,367 --> 00:02:03,767
Oh. Well, maybe not Phil.
41
00:02:03,867 --> 00:02:06,667
He's just died of plague.
42
00:02:06,767 --> 00:02:08,500
Otherwise, I'll give your job to
43
00:02:08,600 --> 00:02:12,033
- Um... er, I want to say John?
- Roger.
44
00:02:12,133 --> 00:02:15,067
Roger! I'll give your job to
Roger. Understood?
45
00:02:15,167 --> 00:02:16,933
ROGER COUGHS
46
00:02:17,033 --> 00:02:20,467
Oh! It's like I was telling you.
47
00:02:20,567 --> 00:02:22,767
Healthy, reliable peasants
are increasingly hard to find.
48
00:02:22,867 --> 00:02:25,833
Hm. Oh, crone?
49
00:02:25,933 --> 00:02:27,067
Is what this man says true?
50
00:02:27,167 --> 00:02:29,000
CRONE COUGHS
51
00:02:33,100 --> 00:02:36,300
Oh, I'll take that as a yes.
52
00:02:36,400 --> 00:02:39,100
So, would now be
a good time to start
53
00:02:39,200 --> 00:02:41,467
discussing the new terms
of my employment?
54
00:02:41,567 --> 00:02:43,767
Ok Fine! But you'd better not
go dropping dead
55
00:02:43,867 --> 00:02:46,400
- Of plague after this!
- Oh, no, Sir.
56
00:02:46,500 --> 00:02:48,667
You don't need to worry
about me. I'm as fit as a...
57
00:02:51,167 --> 00:02:54,333
Oh, absolutely typical!
58
00:02:54,433 --> 00:02:57,000
Well, luckily for you lot,
I know my way round a...
59
00:02:57,100 --> 00:03:01,367
Three pointy stick woody...
60
00:03:01,467 --> 00:03:04,000
Oh, I'm kidding myself.
I've no idea what this is called
61
00:03:04,100 --> 00:03:05,367
I know what it's for, though.
62
00:03:07,833 --> 00:03:10,900
Who needs peasants?
63
00:03:11,000 --> 00:03:13,200
And the plague wasn't the only
illness you had to worry about
64
00:03:13,300 --> 00:03:15,267
in the Middle Ages.
65
00:03:15,367 --> 00:03:18,133
Most of the time, we didn't know
what we were suffering from.
66
00:03:18,233 --> 00:03:20,133
There were some pretty strange
symptoms going around.
67
00:03:21,633 --> 00:03:24,267
Don't miss out on ze latest
dance craze
68
00:03:24,367 --> 00:03:26,300
zat's taking the
city of Strasbourg by storm
69
00:03:28,867 --> 00:03:32,667
Join the hundreds of people who
are literally dancing
in the streets
70
00:03:32,767 --> 00:03:35,900
It's Strasbourg, it's 1518
and everybody's dancing
71
00:03:36,000 --> 00:03:37,300
and nobody knows why!
72
00:03:37,400 --> 00:03:38,233
It's like zey've got...
73
00:03:40,500 --> 00:03:44,100
Careful, it's catchy. By which
I mean it's highly contagious.
74
00:03:44,200 --> 00:03:47,067
Is it a disease?
Is it mass hysteria?
75
00:03:47,167 --> 00:03:49,633
Either way, you'll be dancing
through ze night
76
00:03:49,733 --> 00:03:52,067
and then through ze next day
and then through ze night
77
00:03:52,167 --> 00:03:54,133
and then through ze day
and then ze night
78
00:03:54,233 --> 00:03:56,167
and the next day again.
You get ze picture.
79
00:03:56,267 --> 00:03:58,533
Once you start,
you just can't stop
80
00:03:58,633 --> 00:04:01,733
You'll be dancing
until you die from exhaustion.
81
00:04:01,833 --> 00:04:04,167
Ja, bop till you drop with...
82
00:04:04,267 --> 00:04:07,133
I've got dance fever, have you?
83
00:04:07,233 --> 00:04:09,867
Dance fever may lead to heart
attacks, stroke and sudden death
84
00:04:09,967 --> 00:04:12,633
Exclusive to Strasbourg,
1518 - Dance Fever.
85
00:04:14,433 --> 00:04:16,433
The dance craze lasted
for a whole month
86
00:04:16,533 --> 00:04:19,067
and if you think it sounds
just plain silly,
87
00:04:19,167 --> 00:04:22,100
imagine watching your dad's most
embarrassing dancing
for a whole month
88
00:04:22,200 --> 00:04:24,667
See how serious it was now? Hm?
89
00:04:30,033 --> 00:04:32,267
Why do mice need oiling?
90
00:04:32,367 --> 00:04:34,300
Well, you can treat a lot of
medical conditions
91
00:04:34,400 --> 00:04:37,333
by putting oil in their diet.
92
00:04:37,433 --> 00:04:39,900
But would you tell me
Why do mice need oiling?
93
00:04:40,000 --> 00:04:43,100
Because they squeak?
Look, please stop calling
this number
94
00:04:43,200 --> 00:04:46,300
Hello, I'm an Ancient
Greek philosopher and
95
00:04:46,400 --> 00:04:49,533
I'm looking to buy a tortoise
to perform an experiment
96
00:04:49,633 --> 00:04:51,467
Now look Get out!
I don't sell animals
97
00:04:51,567 --> 00:04:54,100
for historical people
to do nasty experiments on.
98
00:04:54,200 --> 00:04:56,400
Oh, it's not a nasty experiment.
99
00:04:56,500 --> 00:04:59,333
I simply need to see if it can
beat the great Achilles in race
100
00:04:59,433 --> 00:05:01,633
Well, it can't. It's a tortoise.
101
00:05:01,733 --> 00:05:03,567
The only thing a tortoise can
beat in a race is a brick
102
00:05:03,667 --> 00:05:05,933
Ah, but what if Achilles...
103
00:05:06,033 --> 00:05:07,967
SQUEAKS
..was to allow the tortoise...
104
00:05:08,067 --> 00:05:11,600
NO SOUND
Oh. A 100 yard start. You see?
105
00:05:11,700 --> 00:05:14,133
Then by the time he has run
the 100 yards,
106
00:05:14,233 --> 00:05:16,667
the tortoise will have advanced
another yard,
107
00:05:16,767 --> 00:05:19,233
so Achilles will have had to run
that extra yard.
108
00:05:19,333 --> 00:05:21,233
By which time, the tortoise
would have advanced again.
109
00:05:21,333 --> 00:05:23,167
Every time Achilles reaches
the place
110
00:05:23,267 --> 00:05:25,067
where the tortoise previously
111
00:05:25,167 --> 00:05:27,100
the tortoise has moved forward.
112
00:05:27,200 --> 00:05:31,233
Only by a fraction,
but forward nevertheless.
113
00:05:31,333 --> 00:05:34,133
Meaning Achilles can never
actually catch the tortoise
114
00:05:34,233 --> 00:05:36,900
Its Just a philosophical
argument I'm working on.
115
00:05:37,000 --> 00:05:40,067
Well, you're stupid, thats a
fact but you do sound harmless.
116
00:05:40,167 --> 00:05:42,467
- So fine, yes you can have
a tortoise.
- Brilliant!
117
00:05:42,567 --> 00:05:44,700
Also, I was wondering,
could I buy a goat, please,
118
00:05:44,800 --> 00:05:46,300
If that's possible?
119
00:05:46,400 --> 00:05:48,100
For another harmless experiment?
120
00:05:48,200 --> 00:05:52,067
No, no, it's a sacrifice.
121
00:05:52,167 --> 00:05:55,533
- No.
-Oh, don't worry. I won't do it
unless the animal agrees
122
00:05:55,633 --> 00:05:56,967
How are you going to get a
goat to agree with you?
123
00:05:57,067 --> 00:05:59,633
Well I'll just ask
its permission
124
00:05:59,733 --> 00:06:02,367
and then sprinkle water on it's
head until it looks
like its nodding
125
00:06:02,467 --> 00:06:04,867
Are you an idiot?
126
00:06:04,967 --> 00:06:06,233
Are you leaving now?
127
00:06:06,333 --> 00:06:09,133
-Oh!
-Right! Go on, then.
128
00:06:11,400 --> 00:06:14,333
Do you know if there's another
pet shop in the area?
129
00:06:16,333 --> 00:06:19,800
Ancient Greeks really did get
animals to agree to their fate
130
00:06:19,900 --> 00:06:23,333
before sacrifice by sprinkling
water on their head to
make them nod
131
00:06:23,433 --> 00:06:26,367
Fortunately, rats
weren't exactly high
132
00:06:26,467 --> 00:06:28,600
on any Greek god's
sacrifice wish list. Ha!
133
00:06:28,700 --> 00:06:31,200
Hey, and there was some unusual
goings on
134
00:06:31,300 --> 00:06:32,467
at this religious
festival as well
135
00:06:35,233 --> 00:06:37,767
Hey, Festival fans!
I'm Fearne Polyester,
136
00:06:37,867 --> 00:06:40,400
here in Ancient Greece
to bring you what's happening
137
00:06:40,500 --> 00:06:42,867
at the all girl
Thesmophoria Festival. Yay!
138
00:06:42,967 --> 00:06:44,800
THEY SCREAM
139
00:06:44,900 --> 00:06:48,100
These are my new BFFs -
140
00:06:48,200 --> 00:06:52,100
Agatha and Helena.
They are proper nuts.
141
00:06:52,200 --> 00:06:54,100
So, are you having a good time?
142
00:06:54,200 --> 00:06:57,033
Er, what does it look like,
soup for brains?
143
00:06:57,133 --> 00:07:00,267
That's not very nice,
I was only asking.
144
00:07:00,367 --> 00:07:02,833
That's the part of the Festival!
Where we insult each other!
145
00:07:02,933 --> 00:07:06,067
Yeah, like, the ruder the better
Medusa face
146
00:07:06,167 --> 00:07:09,000
-Oh, I see!
-Hey, what's the difference
between you
147
00:07:09,100 --> 00:07:10,500
and a plank of wood?
148
00:07:10,600 --> 00:07:12,933
You're thicker!
149
00:07:13,033 --> 00:07:14,700
What about this one?
150
00:07:14,800 --> 00:07:17,800
What's the difference between
your mum and a hydra?
151
00:07:17,900 --> 00:07:20,333
One's a monster with poisonous
breath and the
other one's a hydra!
152
00:07:22,367 --> 00:07:25,200
Yeah, OK. Let's leave it?
153
00:07:25,300 --> 00:07:27,867
So, we've done the whole crazy
Ancient Greek dissing thing.
154
00:07:27,967 --> 00:07:30,433
- What's next?
- Cakes.
155
00:07:30,533 --> 00:07:34,000
-Oh, wow!
-No. We're not going to
eat them.
156
00:07:34,100 --> 00:07:37,500
- We're going to bury them.
- Woo!
157
00:07:37,600 --> 00:07:41,500
Yeah! What, really? You're going
to bury the cakes?
158
00:07:41,600 --> 00:07:45,600
-Then we're going to kill a pig!
-Oh, Killer Piggies!
Is that a band?
159
00:07:45,700 --> 00:07:48,067
No, thicko! We are gonna kill a
pig and we are gonna bury
him with a cake
160
00:07:48,167 --> 00:07:50,033
THEY SCREAM
161
00:07:50,133 --> 00:07:51,900
Don't worry,
they're not going to
162
00:07:52,000 --> 00:07:53,833
PIG SQUEALING
163
00:07:53,933 --> 00:07:55,767
They really are!
They're going to kill a pig!
164
00:07:58,100 --> 00:08:01,200
Right, er... Woo!
165
00:08:01,300 --> 00:08:04,600
They totally killed a pig
and buried it!
166
00:08:04,700 --> 00:08:06,467
Sorry, that's the most
disgusting thing
I have ever seen
167
00:08:06,567 --> 00:08:09,400
-Hey, I dug up last years!
-Oh, that's worse.
168
00:08:09,500 --> 00:08:11,200
We're not going to eat that,
Are we ?
169
00:08:11,300 --> 00:08:13,233
No thats gonna be disgusting
170
00:08:13,333 --> 00:08:16,933
We're spread it on the ground
and the we are gonna sit on it
171
00:08:17,033 --> 00:08:21,167
-Okay now thats ridiculous
You want me to sit in that,
-Yeah come on it will be fun
172
00:08:21,267 --> 00:08:24,867
Yeah, and it'll please the gods!
173
00:08:24,967 --> 00:08:27,833
-Are you kidding?
-No! What is your problem?
174
00:08:27,933 --> 00:08:31,333
We have to do this every year,
otherwise the fellow must starve
175
00:08:31,433 --> 00:08:33,900
OK, then! Let's do it! Woo-hoo!
176
00:08:34,000 --> 00:08:35,733
THEY SQUEAL
177
00:08:35,833 --> 00:08:37,733
Hm!
178
00:08:37,833 --> 00:08:41,033
This is Fearne Polyester,
sitting in a load of rotten
179
00:08:41,133 --> 00:08:43,167
dead pigs and cake
180
00:08:43,267 --> 00:08:47,633
-at the Thesmophoria Festival in
Ancient Greece!
-Whoo!
181
00:08:47,733 --> 00:08:50,633
If I've just been punked,
you are in so much trouble!
182
00:08:50,733 --> 00:08:53,500
-When are Kasabian on?
-Who?
183
00:08:53,600 --> 00:08:58,000
The Festival of Thesmophoria
was only open to women,
184
00:08:58,100 --> 00:09:00,500
but most Greek gatherings
were only for men
185
00:09:00,600 --> 00:09:03,233
like the Ancient Greek Olympics
and the Isthmian games.
186
00:09:07,033 --> 00:09:10,233
And you join us here in Isthmia
For this is the final race
187
00:09:10,333 --> 00:09:13,633
in this year's thrilling
Isthmian Games.
188
00:09:13,733 --> 00:09:16,267
And here about to cross
the finish line in first place,
189
00:09:16,367 --> 00:09:19,367
it looks like... Yes,
it's Armando of Kos.
190
00:09:19,467 --> 00:09:21,767
Armando, congratulations.
That was a truly
astonishing victory
191
00:09:21,867 --> 00:09:23,067
Thanks.
192
00:09:24,067 --> 00:09:26,200
It was really hard work,
but it's worth it
193
00:09:26,300 --> 00:09:28,300
-For such a fantastic prize.
-Of course.
194
00:09:28,400 --> 00:09:30,433
And here is your prize.
195
00:09:30,533 --> 00:09:32,667
The incredible crown of celery.
196
00:09:32,767 --> 00:09:34,400
What?
197
00:09:34,500 --> 00:09:35,833
Celery?
198
00:09:35,933 --> 00:09:37,500
The prize is celery?
199
00:09:37,600 --> 00:09:39,067
Yes, didn't you know?
200
00:09:39,167 --> 00:09:41,800
No. I thought it was salary.
201
00:09:41,900 --> 00:09:44,800
A yearly wage! Cash! Dosh! Wonga
202
00:09:44,900 --> 00:09:47,433
I'm in it for the money!
203
00:09:47,533 --> 00:09:51,133
Well, the bad news is your prize
is in fact just a celery hat
204
00:09:51,233 --> 00:09:53,300
And what's the good news?
205
00:09:53,400 --> 00:09:55,500
Well The good news is I brought
this delicious Greek dip.
206
00:09:58,800 --> 00:10:02,300
Mm. Now that is rich!
207
00:10:03,500 --> 00:10:06,000
Hm. Sorry!
208
00:10:11,300 --> 00:10:14,667
Yarrgh! We Celts were a fighting
race, so you might be surprised
209
00:10:14,767 --> 00:10:16,500
to find out that we used to love
a bit of poetry.
210
00:10:19,533 --> 00:10:22,033
The greatest king in
all the land
211
00:10:22,133 --> 00:10:25,200
He ground his enemies into sand.
212
00:10:25,300 --> 00:10:28,100
He reigned supreme
over the Irish
213
00:10:28,200 --> 00:10:32,100
From lowly peasants
to those more squirish.
214
00:10:32,200 --> 00:10:34,800
But there is one doubt,
if I may sew it,
215
00:10:34,900 --> 00:10:37,733
He had few friends
among the poets
216
00:10:37,833 --> 00:10:42,267
For his name was
Aied Mac Anmalock
217
00:10:42,367 --> 00:10:44,500
And none of them
could make it rhyme.
218
00:10:46,233 --> 00:10:49,133
Brilliant! You know what?
219
00:10:49,233 --> 00:10:51,133
I was gonna have you killed
after the poet bit,
220
00:10:51,233 --> 00:10:53,167
but you pulled it out the bag.
Now...
221
00:10:53,267 --> 00:10:55,400
A piece of jewellery
for your troubles.
222
00:10:55,500 --> 00:10:59,633
Anything in the room,
you have but to ask.
223
00:10:59,733 --> 00:11:02,200
I quite like the look of
that wheel, what you are wearing
on your shoulder Sire
224
00:11:02,300 --> 00:11:04,433
-What?
-Well, you said...
225
00:11:04,533 --> 00:11:08,233
I could pick anything
in the room
226
00:11:08,333 --> 00:11:10,667
I didn't mean anything
No one may ask
for the King's brooch!
227
00:11:10,767 --> 00:11:13,633
That is the most terrible crime
in all the land.
228
00:11:13,733 --> 00:11:15,667
I am gonna have you banished
from all of Ireland
229
00:11:15,767 --> 00:11:17,967
No, scratch that! I'm banishing
230
00:11:18,067 --> 00:11:20,233
all poets from Ireland.
231
00:11:20,333 --> 00:11:22,067
Proclaim it to the Kingdom.
Go on
232
00:11:22,167 --> 00:11:24,800
From this moment,
all poetry's banned.
233
00:11:24,900 --> 00:11:27,967
Banishment to all
who rhyme in this land.
234
00:11:28,067 --> 00:11:30,867
What? That just rhymed.
235
00:11:30,967 --> 00:11:33,600
You're a poet! Banished!
236
00:11:33,700 --> 00:11:35,200
Oh, I'd advise against that Sire
237
00:11:35,300 --> 00:11:36,800
Good heralds are hard to hire.
238
00:11:36,900 --> 00:11:39,800
Argh! A poet! Banished!
239
00:11:39,900 --> 00:11:42,200
Guards, arrest them all.
240
00:11:42,300 --> 00:11:44,233
Who would you like me
to chuck out first?
241
00:11:44,333 --> 00:11:45,600
Which did you think
was the worst
242
00:11:45,700 --> 00:11:48,133
Banished!
243
00:11:48,233 --> 00:11:50,567
Right, thats it.
I'm really through.
Be gone, the lot of you!
244
00:11:50,667 --> 00:11:53,333
Oh, that rhymed!
Those words you just spoke.
245
00:11:53,433 --> 00:11:55,467
So they did.
246
00:11:55,567 --> 00:11:56,267
I'll get me cloak.
247
00:11:59,900 --> 00:12:03,633
It's true. That all happened
in 574 AD,
248
00:12:03,733 --> 00:12:07,067
when a poet asked for
the King's jewellery.
249
00:12:07,167 --> 00:12:11,200
Till St Colombus stepped in,
all poets were banned.
250
00:12:11,300 --> 00:12:14,833
But he convinced the King
to let them stay in Ire-land.
251
00:12:14,933 --> 00:12:18,167
I may be a rat,
but I'm a poet at heart.
252
00:12:18,267 --> 00:12:20,300
Now, what rhymes with that?
253
00:12:20,400 --> 00:12:23,333
Oh, I've got it - fart! Ha ha!
254
00:12:23,433 --> 00:12:27,033
Most immature, aren't I?
I do apologise.
255
00:12:27,133 --> 00:12:29,367
Anyway, those Celts,
they loved a good rhyme
256
00:12:29,467 --> 00:12:31,867
but they also loved a good boast
257
00:12:31,967 --> 00:12:34,600
ALL:Yeah!
258
00:12:34,700 --> 00:12:37,400
One hundred Roman soldiers
lay dead on the beach.
259
00:12:37,500 --> 00:12:39,367
Who'd slain them?
260
00:12:39,467 --> 00:12:41,967
I am the greatest warrior
who has ever lived
261
00:12:42,067 --> 00:12:44,733
ALL:Yeah!
262
00:12:44,833 --> 00:12:48,633
Warriors! Hey, how's it going?
I bring tidings of great victory
263
00:12:48,733 --> 00:12:51,133
Surely there is no warrior in
the land who could match me huh?
264
00:12:54,667 --> 00:12:57,200
I am the most fearsome warrior
to walk the lands of the living.
265
00:12:57,300 --> 00:13:00,133
So I think we've got a problem.
266
00:13:00,233 --> 00:13:02,467
I think there's only one way
to settle this.
267
00:13:02,567 --> 00:13:04,067
ALL:Boast battle!
268
00:13:04,167 --> 00:13:06,000
THEY BEATBOX
269
00:13:06,100 --> 00:13:08,867
* So let's clear the air
grab a chair
270
00:13:08,967 --> 00:13:11,133
* I got flare
when I fight a bear
271
00:13:11,233 --> 00:13:13,467
* I rip off his skin
for my wife to wear
272
00:13:13,567 --> 00:13:15,967
* I did it for a dare
I'm you're worst nightmare
273
00:13:16,067 --> 00:13:17,567
* Look close, check out
my facial hair
274
00:13:17,667 --> 00:13:19,867
* Relax face facts
275
00:13:19,967 --> 00:13:22,567
* A fight with you
would be an anticlimax
276
00:13:22,667 --> 00:13:24,833
* When you go to war
you don't take off your slacks
277
00:13:24,933 --> 00:13:27,367
* Look at me I'm tough
I fight in the buff
278
00:13:27,467 --> 00:13:30,233
* I could say more but I've said
enough, so...Boast Battle!
279
00:13:30,333 --> 00:13:32,167
* Have some grace,
shut your face
280
00:13:32,267 --> 00:13:33,933
* You're well off the pace
281
00:13:34,033 --> 00:13:36,100
* Seems to me that you're
not even skilled
282
00:13:36,200 --> 00:13:38,433
* I can fill a lake
with the blood I've spilled
283
00:13:38,533 --> 00:13:40,700
* I decorate my house
with heads of men I've killed
284
00:13:40,800 --> 00:13:43,167
* I'd stab you right now
but I'm trying to chill.
285
00:13:43,267 --> 00:13:45,600
* Yeah, you've got a brain
but you've just got one
286
00:13:45,700 --> 00:13:47,133
* I've got five on my belt
from the battles I've won
287
00:13:47,233 --> 00:13:49,600
* In a rage! On the rampage!
288
00:13:49,700 --> 00:13:53,033
* I've killed more men
than old age, so...Boast Battle!
289
00:13:53,133 --> 00:13:54,867
* And I've only just begun
Boast Battle!
290
00:13:54,967 --> 00:13:56,433
* And I'm not even done
291
00:13:56,533 --> 00:13:58,733
* You're just killing the enemy
that's lazy
292
00:13:58,833 --> 00:14:00,900
* I kill my own people
I'm that crazy
293
00:14:01,000 --> 00:14:03,400
* I go berserk and
my eyes go glassy
294
00:14:03,500 --> 00:14:05,367
* I get so mad
I could stab a daisy... *
295
00:14:05,467 --> 00:14:09,600
But I won't cos that'd be stupid
296
00:14:09,700 --> 00:14:12,067
* All right, all right, Stop!
Think a while
297
00:14:12,167 --> 00:14:14,633
* Look at your style, man
that's vile
298
00:14:14,733 --> 00:14:17,100
* You look like you've been
dressed by a reptile
299
00:14:17,200 --> 00:14:19,367
* You're a steaming pot,
I'm dressed like a king
300
00:14:19,467 --> 00:14:21,033
* I wear a torc round my neck
when I'm doing my killing
301
00:14:21,133 --> 00:14:23,633
* And on my finger
I'm wearing a ring
302
00:14:23,733 --> 00:14:26,300
* When I said I fight nude
I wasn't counting my bling, yo
303
00:14:26,400 --> 00:14:28,167
* Boast Battle!
Oh, and I paint myself blue
304
00:14:28,267 --> 00:14:30,367
* Boast Battle!
That is way way cooler than you
305
00:14:30,467 --> 00:14:33,167
* So what's better than you
that you ought to bow?
306
00:14:33,267 --> 00:14:35,100
* I'd offer to fight you
but you wouldn't know how
307
00:14:35,200 --> 00:14:37,133
* Enough of the talk, yeah?
Let's end this now
308
00:14:37,233 --> 00:14:38,967
* I can sum it all
up in just one word... *
309
00:14:39,067 --> 00:14:40,967
Ow!
310
00:14:41,067 --> 00:14:43,300
Mu-um!
311
00:14:56,067 --> 00:14:59,500
Ah, there!
Stonehenge is finally finished.
312
00:14:59,600 --> 00:15:02,367
-What do you think, boss?
-It is quite breathtaking.
313
00:15:02,467 --> 00:15:04,967
A monument to truly delight
our Gods.
314
00:15:05,067 --> 00:15:07,100
It will be centuries before
anyone manages to build
315
00:15:07,200 --> 00:15:08,200
a more impressive structure.
316
00:15:12,367 --> 00:15:14,133
There!
317
00:15:14,233 --> 00:15:17,633
The pyramid is finally
finished. Oh!
318
00:15:17,733 --> 00:15:21,933
-What do you think, boss, huh?
-Yeah. It's all right, I suppose
319
00:15:22,033 --> 00:15:24,467
Not sure our Gods will be overly
impressed by it,
320
00:15:24,567 --> 00:15:27,333
but it'll do, I guess.
321
00:15:27,433 --> 00:15:30,667
I've absolutely no idea how you
managed to get that stone
322
00:15:30,767 --> 00:15:33,800
five meters on top of the other
one, what a feat of engineering
323
00:15:33,900 --> 00:15:36,800
Actually, that stone
near the top
324
00:15:36,900 --> 00:15:40,200
about 135 meters up on top of
the two million other ones,
325
00:15:40,300 --> 00:15:43,933
I don't think it's perfectly
mathematically aligned.
326
00:15:44,033 --> 00:15:45,633
-I shall have myself flogged.
-Good.
327
00:15:48,333 --> 00:15:51,300
It's true! Stonehenge and
the Great Pyramids of Giza
328
00:15:51,400 --> 00:15:54,133
were built at about the
same time
329
00:15:54,233 --> 00:15:57,033
Its thought the enormous pyramid
was built as a burial tomb
330
00:15:57,133 --> 00:15:59,567
for the Egyptian Pharaoh, Cheops
331
00:15:59,667 --> 00:16:03,267
Yeah. Me, I'll be lucky if I get
buried in a tin can. Hee!
332
00:16:03,367 --> 00:16:06,933
But it's anyone's guess
what Stonehenge was built for.
333
00:16:07,033 --> 00:16:09,700
* Lots of things in history
are actually a mystery
334
00:16:09,800 --> 00:16:12,867
* The truth's not always
in the books you read
335
00:16:12,967 --> 00:16:15,433
* Facts can get distorted
or even misreported
336
00:16:15,533 --> 00:16:18,567
* Imagine if that was all
down to me
337
00:16:18,667 --> 00:16:20,567
* Cliff White Lies!
338
00:16:20,667 --> 00:16:23,367
-It's Whiteley!
-Sorry.
339
00:16:23,467 --> 00:16:26,100
Yeah. So, it's a yes to
Wellington boots,
340
00:16:26,200 --> 00:16:28,733
but a no to Napoleon flip flops.
341
00:16:28,833 --> 00:16:32,067
Done! Wallop!
342
00:16:32,167 --> 00:16:35,633
Cliff, I've got an early man
in reception for you.
343
00:16:35,733 --> 00:16:38,200
Well, if he's early,
tell him he'll have to wait.
344
00:16:38,300 --> 00:16:42,033
No, no. He's an early man.
He's from the Stoneage
345
00:16:42,133 --> 00:16:43,233
Alright! Show him in please, Sue
346
00:16:45,067 --> 00:16:47,600
Mr Man! Cliff Whiteley.
347
00:16:47,700 --> 00:16:49,533
Telling it how it wasn't.
348
00:16:49,633 --> 00:16:50,567
Please, take a chair.
349
00:16:52,300 --> 00:16:55,000
Oh, right. It's like a stone,
350
00:16:55,100 --> 00:16:58,133
but it's more comfortable
and with a back.
351
00:16:58,233 --> 00:17:00,800
Oh, that is... That is nice!
352
00:17:00,900 --> 00:17:02,700
So, what can I didgeridoo
for you, pal?
353
00:17:02,800 --> 00:17:05,867
Well, it's about Stonehenge,
354
00:17:05,967 --> 00:17:07,767
Love the place. Favourite henge,
hands down.
355
00:17:07,867 --> 00:17:10,867
Got a piccie on the wall
and everything.
356
00:17:10,967 --> 00:17:13,667
- There seems to be some
confusion about what it's for.
- Yeah.
357
00:17:13,767 --> 00:17:16,867
Now, don't take this the
wrong way Mr Stoneage Mugger
358
00:17:16,967 --> 00:17:18,667
but at the end of the day,
359
00:17:18,767 --> 00:17:22,700
it's just a bunch of 5000 year
old stone, Isn't it?
360
00:17:22,800 --> 00:17:25,867
No one would be interested if we
couldn't argue about
what it was for
361
00:17:25,967 --> 00:17:30,533
So I cooked up a few ridiculous
theories over the years
362
00:17:30,633 --> 00:17:33,067
and now your rock garden
has gone down in history.
363
00:17:33,167 --> 00:17:35,567
Oh, yeah.
Back in the Middle ages
364
00:17:35,667 --> 00:17:38,233
I had Geoffrey of Monmouth claim
that it was built
365
00:17:38,333 --> 00:17:41,500
on a mountain in Ireland
by giants
366
00:17:41,600 --> 00:17:44,767
- What?
-And then magicked over to
England by Merlin the Wizard.
367
00:17:44,867 --> 00:17:46,333
That's nonsense.
368
00:17:46,433 --> 00:17:48,167
We built it where it is now.
369
00:17:48,267 --> 00:17:52,000
We hauled all the rocks
over from Whale
370
00:17:52,100 --> 00:17:55,567
Don't matter! It stirs up an
interest, see what I mean?
371
00:17:55,667 --> 00:17:58,300
Over the years, I've had
historian suggest it was a house
372
00:17:58,400 --> 00:18:02,100
a concert hall, a Roman temple.
373
00:18:02,200 --> 00:18:05,900
Hey, we even spread it about
that it was built by aliens
374
00:18:06,000 --> 00:18:07,167
People believe this rubbish
do they?
375
00:18:07,267 --> 00:18:07,600
People believe anything
you tell them
376
00:18:08,867 --> 00:18:10,633
Don't eat that, it's made
of woodlice.
377
00:18:10,733 --> 00:18:12,333
CLIFF LAUGHS
378
00:18:12,433 --> 00:18:14,833
-See what I mean?
-Oh, I see!
379
00:18:14,933 --> 00:18:16,367
So don't you just tell
people the truth?
380
00:18:16,467 --> 00:18:18,100
Stop all this messing around.
381
00:18:18,200 --> 00:18:21,133
Well, that's cos, um, I...
382
00:18:21,233 --> 00:18:22,967
-Can't remember.
-So, hang on.
383
00:18:23,067 --> 00:18:25,767
You invented these wild theories
about Stonehenge
384
00:18:25,867 --> 00:18:27,833
and you don't even know
what it's for?
385
00:18:27,933 --> 00:18:31,367
I wouldn't quite
put it like that
386
00:18:34,033 --> 00:18:35,133
Come on, I'll tell you. Really?
387
00:18:37,133 --> 00:18:38,000
HE WHISPERS
388
00:18:38,667 --> 00:18:39,667
Woah!
389
00:18:39,767 --> 00:18:40,733
No!
390
00:18:42,067 --> 00:18:44,467
And what did you do
with all the jelly?
391
00:18:46,100 --> 00:18:49,067
Waaa-llop!
392
00:18:54,833 --> 00:18:57,500
And now an
advertising intermission
393
00:18:57,600 --> 00:19:00,000
from Ancient Mexico.
394
00:19:01,367 --> 00:19:05,600
Is you padded armor
past its best?
395
00:19:05,700 --> 00:19:09,067
Do you need a new set,
but don't have any needles
or thread or cloth?
396
00:19:09,167 --> 00:19:10,667
Then help is at hand
with the new
397
00:19:12,867 --> 00:19:13,667
It's a cactus!
398
00:19:15,533 --> 00:19:17,733
Yes, that's right.
You can make needles
399
00:19:17,833 --> 00:19:21,200
from the spines, and thread
and cloth from the skin.
400
00:19:21,300 --> 00:19:24,000
Plus, if you dont like the color
you could even use the cactus
to make a dye
401
00:19:24,100 --> 00:19:25,200
That's the new...
402
00:19:27,367 --> 00:19:29,067
Available in one
not easy to carry pack.
403
00:19:35,067 --> 00:19:38,533
Are you starving hungry,
404
00:19:38,633 --> 00:19:41,333
but don't have anything to eat
or anything to cook it on
405
00:19:41,433 --> 00:19:43,200
Then help is at hand with the
406
00:19:45,200 --> 00:19:47,567
It's a cactus!
407
00:19:47,667 --> 00:19:50,767
Yes, that's right. Stewed cactus
is delicious.
408
00:19:50,867 --> 00:19:52,933
And to cook it,
409
00:19:53,033 --> 00:19:55,900
just use some more cactus.
410
00:19:56,000 --> 00:19:57,867
If you need something
to wash down your meal,
411
00:19:57,967 --> 00:19:59,567
why not try some cactus wine?
412
00:19:59,667 --> 00:20:01,967
That's the new...
413
00:20:02,067 --> 00:20:03,400
with free toothpicks.
414
00:20:08,767 --> 00:20:10,933
Do you have a hole in the roof?
415
00:20:11,033 --> 00:20:12,700
Then help is at hand with the
416
00:20:15,333 --> 00:20:17,367
Bet you thought I'd say cactus.
417
00:20:17,467 --> 00:20:19,133
Well, you're right!
It's a cactus!
418
00:20:21,167 --> 00:20:23,567
Just dry out some cactus
to use as roof tiles,
419
00:20:23,667 --> 00:20:27,400
then pulp more cactus to make
a glue to stick them down.
420
00:20:27,500 --> 00:20:29,633
There's nothing you can't do
with a cactus
421
00:20:29,733 --> 00:20:32,333
apart from use it as a seat.
422
00:20:35,533 --> 00:20:37,833
Say, have you tried this
new Aztec chewing gum?
423
00:20:37,933 --> 00:20:39,400
-No, but I'd love to.
-Then do!
424
00:20:42,633 --> 00:20:47,000
Hey! This chewing gum is great.
What's it called?
425
00:20:47,100 --> 00:20:49,067
-Chuckle.
-Chuckle?
-That's right, chuckle.
426
00:20:49,167 --> 00:20:51,833
Made from the sticky resin
of the Sapodilla tree.
427
00:20:51,933 --> 00:20:55,300
-Tree, seriously? You're making
me eat tree
-Thats right.
428
00:20:55,400 --> 00:20:57,667
Chuckle Chewing Gum is made from
tree resin mixed with tar
429
00:20:57,767 --> 00:20:59,300
-and crushed insects.
-Oh!
430
00:20:59,400 --> 00:21:01,367
That's OK, then. I like
crushed insects.
431
00:21:03,600 --> 00:21:06,233
* Chuckle resin
Chuckle, chuckle resin
432
00:21:06,333 --> 00:21:09,100
# Chuckle resin
Chuckle, chuckle resin. *
433
00:21:09,200 --> 00:21:12,067
Chew me. Chew you. Chew me.
Chew you. Chew me. Chew you.
434
00:21:12,167 --> 00:21:13,900
* Chuckle resin
435
00:21:14,000 --> 00:21:15,367
* Chuckle, chuckle resin.
436
00:21:15,467 --> 00:21:17,933
And it also works as a glue!
437
00:21:18,033 --> 00:21:19,800
Keep smiling!
438
00:21:19,900 --> 00:21:22,733
I will. I can't move my mouth.
439
00:21:22,833 --> 00:21:24,033
-Seriously?
-Yeah, seriously.
440
00:21:24,133 --> 00:21:25,367
* Chuckle resin
441
00:21:25,467 --> 00:21:26,567
* Chuckle, chuckle resin.
442
00:21:48,533 --> 00:21:50,100
The answer is...
443
00:21:50,200 --> 00:21:51,900
C, but those were actually
444
00:21:52,000 --> 00:21:54,267
all Stuart punishments.
445
00:21:54,367 --> 00:21:56,767
Although, no punishment
was quite as bad as execution.
446
00:22:00,767 --> 00:22:01,633
I'll be up in a minute!
447
00:22:03,967 --> 00:22:06,633
Hello and welcome
to Horrible Points of View.
448
00:22:06,733 --> 00:22:10,533
We start with a whole bag full
of letters from a Mr Stuart Era.
449
00:22:10,633 --> 00:22:13,033
He's certainly been busy!
What's that?
450
00:22:13,133 --> 00:22:15,367
Oh, now I feel stupid.
451
00:22:15,467 --> 00:22:18,267
It's the Stuart Era.
The Stuart Era
452
00:22:18,367 --> 00:22:21,500
Well, a number of people from
the Stuart Era have complained
453
00:22:21,600 --> 00:22:23,967
that when they went along to
watch some good old fashioned
454
00:22:24,067 --> 00:22:25,300
Stuart entertainment,
455
00:22:25,400 --> 00:22:27,500
an execution on Tower Hill,
456
00:22:27,600 --> 00:22:29,800
they didn't get quite
what they were expecting.
457
00:22:41,400 --> 00:22:43,433
We asked the
executioner, Jack Ketch,
458
00:22:43,533 --> 00:22:45,200
what he had to say for himself.
459
00:22:45,300 --> 00:22:47,633
I knew things were bad
on the third chop
460
00:22:47,733 --> 00:22:50,133
when the Duke of Monmouth
shouted out "Get on with it"
461
00:22:50,233 --> 00:22:52,133
It was his head I was
chopping off
462
00:22:52,233 --> 00:22:54,500
I tell you something,
if that happens again,
463
00:22:54,600 --> 00:22:56,900
like another ten times,
I'm seriously considering
464
00:22:57,000 --> 00:22:59,100
not going to the next execution
after that.
465
00:22:59,200 --> 00:23:03,600
Now to more normal
entertainment Theater
466
00:23:03,700 --> 00:23:06,600
Not everyone in the Stuart Era
seems to have been happy
467
00:23:06,700 --> 00:23:09,367
about traveling actor performing
in the market place at York
468
00:23:09,467 --> 00:23:11,467
Here's what one man thought.
469
00:23:11,567 --> 00:23:13,667
All plays be sinful.
470
00:23:13,767 --> 00:23:16,267
Sinful, I tell thee.
471
00:23:16,367 --> 00:23:19,867
Damned be all those who perform
this heathen entertainment.
472
00:23:19,967 --> 00:23:23,033
That from
Mr Fightthegoodfightoffaith.
473
00:23:23,133 --> 00:23:25,433
I'm guessing he's a Puritan.
And not so into fun.
474
00:23:25,533 --> 00:23:27,333
He went on to say...
475
00:23:27,433 --> 00:23:29,733
Although I thoroughly enjoyed
the bit
476
00:23:29,833 --> 00:23:32,833
where they were putting stocks
to traveling actors
477
00:23:32,933 --> 00:23:36,000
and whipped to within
an inch of lives.
478
00:23:36,100 --> 00:23:38,933
Did I just say I enjoyed it?
479
00:23:39,033 --> 00:23:41,000
Having fun is sinful.
I must be punished.
480
00:23:44,700 --> 00:23:48,100
I think that's enough Stuarts.
481
00:23:48,200 --> 00:23:50,800
Next time, the mailbag's
from the Eygptian period.
482
00:23:50,900 --> 00:23:54,333
See you then.
483
00:23:54,433 --> 00:23:57,433
That doesn't make any sense
to me. Can you read that?
484
00:23:57,533 --> 00:24:01,667
Yes, punishments were extreme
in Stuart times,
485
00:24:01,767 --> 00:24:04,600
so you wouldn't have wanted to
be in Colonel Bloods shoes
486
00:24:04,700 --> 00:24:07,633
when he got caught for the most
daring crime of his day.
487
00:24:07,733 --> 00:24:10,133
Trying to steal the Crown Jewels
from the Tower of London.
488
00:24:10,233 --> 00:24:11,133
Oh, I can't look!
489
00:24:17,767 --> 00:24:20,500
-Good morning, your Majesty.
-Not so loud, Sotheby, please.
490
00:24:20,600 --> 00:24:23,933
I had a rather major
un-birthday party last night.
491
00:24:24,033 --> 00:24:25,600
Anyway, what's in the diary
for today?
492
00:24:25,700 --> 00:24:28,733
Well, Sire... Ahem!
493
00:24:28,833 --> 00:24:31,867
I'm pleased to report that the
man who tried to steal
the crown jewels has
494
00:24:31,967 --> 00:24:34,000
been caught. I thought you
might like to sentence
him yourself.
495
00:24:34,100 --> 00:24:36,600
You mean I get to play judge?
496
00:24:36,700 --> 00:24:39,133
-Sounds like fun. Do I get a wig
- You already have a wig
your majesty
497
00:24:40,600 --> 00:24:42,333
So I have.
498
00:24:42,433 --> 00:24:45,033
-Send him in.
-Bring in the prisoner
499
00:24:45,133 --> 00:24:46,933
Are you Colonel Thomas Blood?
500
00:24:47,033 --> 00:24:49,400
Indeed I am, Sir.
501
00:24:49,500 --> 00:24:52,067
The proud mastermind behind a
crime as dastly daring
502
00:24:52,167 --> 00:24:54,300
as to truly befit a King.
503
00:24:54,400 --> 00:24:57,900
Ooh, he's very impressive.
You're very impressive,
aren't you?
504
00:24:58,000 --> 00:24:59,900
-Thank you, your Majesty.
-Lets not forget,
505
00:25:00,000 --> 00:25:03,000
he's also a violent criminal,
your Majesty.
506
00:25:03,100 --> 00:25:06,200
It was Colonel Blood who
attempted to steal the Crown
Jewels from the tower of London
507
00:25:06,300 --> 00:25:08,167
And a gallant attempt it was too
508
00:25:08,267 --> 00:25:11,033
The perfect crime in all
but one detail.
509
00:25:11,133 --> 00:25:12,533
-Which is?
-It didn't work.
510
00:25:12,633 --> 00:25:14,733
How so? What happened?
511
00:25:14,833 --> 00:25:17,167
Well, we managed to subdue
the Master of the Jewel House
512
00:25:17,267 --> 00:25:19,900
-without a problem.
-By subdue, you mean...?
513
00:25:20,000 --> 00:25:23,833
-Hit him on the head
with a mallet
-I guess that will do it
514
00:25:23,933 --> 00:25:26,467
Indedd and then we grabbed the
jewels, hid them beneath
our clothes
515
00:25:26,567 --> 00:25:28,267
and made for our escape.
516
00:25:28,367 --> 00:25:30,633
However, it turns out that the
Master of the Jewel House
517
00:25:30,733 --> 00:25:33,267
was not adequately subdued.
518
00:25:33,367 --> 00:25:35,233
-Meaning?
-We didn't hit him hard enough.
519
00:25:35,333 --> 00:25:37,900
He started screaming
"Treason, treason!"
520
00:25:38,000 --> 00:25:39,467
Within minutes,
we were all captured
521
00:25:39,567 --> 00:25:42,167
Wow, how exciting!
522
00:25:42,267 --> 00:25:44,267
But, tell me, how did you hide
523
00:25:44,367 --> 00:25:46,767
the entire Crown Jewels
underneath your clothing?
524
00:25:46,867 --> 00:25:48,900
We had to make a few alterations
525
00:25:49,000 --> 00:25:50,800
Alterations?
526
00:25:50,900 --> 00:25:53,767
Well, that's the Crown there,
527
00:25:53,867 --> 00:25:55,333
for example.
528
00:25:55,433 --> 00:25:56,567
Had to flatten that
out a little bit
529
00:25:56,667 --> 00:25:57,967
with a mallet!
530
00:25:58,067 --> 00:26:00,333
Here's the Sceptre and the cross
531
00:26:00,433 --> 00:26:02,433
That's the other half there.
532
00:26:02,533 --> 00:26:05,233
Had to cut that in two to
get it in the bag you follow
533
00:26:05,333 --> 00:26:07,133
And the Sovereign Orb is, er...
534
00:26:09,067 --> 00:26:11,367
It's a little bit dented.
535
00:26:11,467 --> 00:26:13,100
Probably a little bit sweaty.
536
00:26:13,200 --> 00:26:15,700
You've destroyed my Crown Jewels
537
00:26:15,800 --> 00:26:18,167
That's punishable by death.
538
00:26:18,267 --> 00:26:21,500
They're worth over £100,000!
539
00:26:21,600 --> 00:26:24,200
Well? What do you have to say
for yourself, man?
540
00:26:24,300 --> 00:26:26,600
Er, I'll give you £6,000
for the lot, not a penny more.
541
00:26:29,900 --> 00:26:32,233
HE TITTERS
542
00:26:32,333 --> 00:26:35,633
HE LAUGHS
543
00:26:35,733 --> 00:26:38,367
Oh, how can you stay mad
at someone who's so funny!
544
00:26:38,467 --> 00:26:40,100
In fact,
545
00:26:40,200 --> 00:26:43,233
(I think we should let him off!)
W-what?
546
00:26:43,333 --> 00:26:46,800
Well, he's a character, isn't he
He's a lovable rogue
547
00:26:46,900 --> 00:26:48,600
Yes, I'm going to let you off.
548
00:26:48,700 --> 00:26:51,233
Oh, thank you, your Majesty.
549
00:26:51,333 --> 00:26:54,633
And give you your own estate
in Ireland.
550
00:26:54,733 --> 00:26:56,433
-What?
-Yes, a nice big one.
551
00:26:56,533 --> 00:26:58,333
And what else? Ooh!
552
00:26:58,433 --> 00:27:00,033
You must come round
to the Palace for tea.
553
00:27:00,133 --> 00:27:01,867
Your Majesty!
554
00:27:01,967 --> 00:27:05,000
You can regale us
with your funny stories.
555
00:27:05,100 --> 00:27:07,967
I've got a fantastic one about
the time I was plotting
to kill you
556
00:27:08,067 --> 00:27:11,100
Did you succeed? No, no, no!
Don't tell me.
557
00:27:11,200 --> 00:27:13,533
I'll wait until you come round.
See you soon!
558
00:27:13,633 --> 00:27:15,267
Not if I see you first!
559
00:27:15,367 --> 00:27:18,167
Oh. he's got it!
I don't know what it is,
560
00:27:18,267 --> 00:27:21,267
-but he's got it. I love him.
-Your majesty,
561
00:27:21,367 --> 00:27:24,400
Do you think it's a good idea
to give large country estates
562
00:27:24,500 --> 00:27:26,567
-to people purely because they
make you laugh
-I don't see why not
563
00:27:31,033 --> 00:27:33,600
-Knock, knock.
-Not going to work, Sothers.
564
00:27:33,700 --> 00:27:36,600
-Not going to work.
- Oh.
565
00:27:36,700 --> 00:27:37,967
* Tall tales,
Atrocious acts,
566
00:27:38,067 --> 00:27:39,200
* We gave you all
the fearsome facts
567
00:27:39,300 --> 00:27:40,367
* The ugly truth no glam or glee
568
00:27:40,467 --> 00:27:41,900
* We showed you all
the juicy bits
569
00:27:42,000 --> 00:27:44,833
* Gory, ghastly, mean and cruel
570
00:27:44,933 --> 00:27:47,867
* Stuff they don't teach you
at school
571
00:27:47,967 --> 00:27:50,267
* The past is no longer
a mystery
572
00:27:50,367 --> 00:27:56,533
Hope you enjoyed
Horrible Histories
45110
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