All language subtitles for Horrible Histories S03E06 Episode 6 1080p AMZN WEB-DL DDP2 0 x264-alfaHD_track4_[eng]

♪ Terrible Tudors,
Gorgeous Georgians

♪ Slimy Stuarts,
vile Victorians

♪ Woeful wars,
Ferocious fights

♪ Dingy castles,
Daring knights

♪ Horrors that defy description
Cut-throat Celts,
Awful Egyptians

♪ Vicious Vikings, cruel crimes
Punishment from ancient times!

♪ Romans, rotten,
rank and ruthless

♪ Cavemen, savage,
fierce and toothless

♪ Groovy Greeks,
Brainy sages

♪ Mean and measly Middle Ages

♪ Gory stories, we do that

♪ And your host, a talking rat

♪ The past is no longer
a mystery

♪ Welcome to
Horrible Histories ♪

[MAN READING]

If you were very rich in
Tudor times,

then your diet tended to be,
well, very rich.

Would you like a body
like this?

I'll bet you would!
Well, now you can,
Thanks to...

[READING]

Just seven hours
dedicated to feasting a day,

and you too could have
a body to die for.

[READING]

With the Henry VIII Tudor Diet
Plan, you get all of your five

a day- that's five massive
portions of meat!

Ho-ho-ho! Of course,
it's also important

to consume the right amount
of vegetables.

That's none at all.

Rarr! Rah! Vegetables
are for peasants!

Sometimes I get so hungry,
I eat the plate. Mm!

Obviously, it's not a real
plate. This one's made
of pure sugar.

Water's important too.

It's important that you avoid
it like the plague.

It's filthy! Seriously, Tudor
water is filthy! Blah!

And finally, it's vitally
important you don't take any
exercise at all.

With all the rich food,
you'll find it very difficult

to move around. Just sit on
your throne and take it easy.
PARP!

The Henry VIII's Tudor Diet Plan
for weight watchers everywhere.

Just watch your weight go up
and up!

[NARRATOR SPEAKING]

Posh Tudors believed uncooked
vegetables were indigestible

and carried disease.
Huh, as if!

Me, I always eat my greens.

Well, green slugs and
caterpillars, anyway. Yummy!

Henry's dreadful diet meant
he got massively overweight,

and he suffered from gout
and diabetes,

and you really didn't want
to get sick in the Tudor era.

Don't worry. Help's on its way.

BELL RINGING
-I think that's probably
them now.

-Make way! Make way!

-Historical paramedics.
-Look, Jeff, a lady.
-I concur.

-Shall I take her pulse?
-No, she might need it.

[BOTH LAUGH]

I'm sorry, are you sure
you're qualified?

Even better. We're Tudors. Now,
what seems to be the problem?

Well, I don't know. She said
she didn't feel well
in the supermarket,

and then we got outside,
and she just fainted.

It sounds like she's suffering
from... Sickness!

I concur we must act fast.
You, sir!

-Are you a villain, a scoundrel,
a rapscallion?
- What?

We urgently need a criminal.
This woman's life may depend
upon it.

-Well, I stole a packet
of biscuits once.
-Ooh!

-Can we cut off your head,
dry your skull,

and feed its powdered scrapings

to this lady?

Blast! He ran away before
we could get an answer!

We've no time to lose.
Shall we use spiders?

-Yes!
-Do you have any butter?

Er, I have this low-fat
cholesterol-busting olive oil
spread.

I don't know what that means,
but it'll have to do.

We simply cover the live
spiders in butter,

and feed them to the patient,
and bang! The sickness is gone!

-Oh, Jeff.
-What?

-I forgot to feed the spiders.
-Are you insane in ye brain?

We can't feed her dead,
buttered spiders. That's just
crazy.

-I know, I'm so sorry.
-What else do you have?

-I do have this human bone.
-Excellent! Bone marrow and

sweat, is a sure tonic for
sickness. Madam,

may I rub this bone onto your
armpit? Oh, she's gone.

Honestly, it's like these people
don't want her to get better!

There's only one thing for it.

BOTH: Fustigation!

What's fustigation?

It's a very technical
procedure. You may want
to stand back.

We literally beat
the sickness out of her.

But that's ridiculous!

-You can't do that!
-Wait, wait!

-I hear wheezing.
-Yes, she's got asthma.

-Do you have a frog in your
throat?
-No...

-Why ever not Madam? Nigel, put
a frog in this lady's throat!

-What do you mean, a frog?
-Don't worry, a dead frog in the

windpipe is the best cure
for asthma!
-Stop being so stupid!

This is all she
needs. Here you are.

Oh! 'Tis witchcraft!

-Back away, witch!
-Back away from the witch.

-I'll take the spread.
-Use not your black magic on
me, witch.

-Now run away! Run away!
-Run away!

Oh no! Jane, bring the sponges.

Looks like they've tried
the buttered spiders again.

[MAN READING]

Hello, and welcome to the
Horrible Points of View.

We've a bit of a backlog
here at the BBC,

and we've just got round to the
correspondence from the
Celtic era.

So let's have a look-see
what's in the bulging postbag.

Oh, it's a severed Roman head!
Why would you do that?

Thanks to whoever sent that in.

Actually, there are hardly any
letters in the bag,

because in Celtic times,
most people didn't write.

Stories were handed down
by word of mouth,

usually in the form of poetry,

but we do have a couple here

from viewers who went along
to see one Celtic poet perform.

[MAN READING]

A three hour poem!? Still, I
suppose it's better than some of

the acts on Britain's
Got Talent!

[HE SNIGGERS]

Other viewers wanted to know...

[WOMAN READING]

Well, who better to ask
than the man himself.

To learn all my poems
took twelve years or more.

My teacher would make me
lie on the floor,

with a stone on my belly,
a weird old sensation

and a bag on my head
to aid concentration.

So why spend so long
being treated like trash?

Cos a qualified poet
earns loads of cash.

[APPLAUSE]

Thank you, thank you. I'm here
all week and it's half price
on Thursdays!

Imagine having to make
everything rhyme?

I'd do it myself,
but I haven't the time.

Come on, that was worth a smile.

Tough crowd. What?

Celtic poets really did take 12
years to learn all their poems.

Imagine their school timetable.

Poetry, poetry followed by
double poetry, triple poetry
and poetry.

The poets were the rock stars
of their day

and they were well looked after
wherever they went.

Shame the Celts weren't as nice
to their animals.

I don't care if he does make
a woolly jumper,

You shouldn't be conducting
the kind of genetic research

that leads to crossing a sheep
with a kangaroo.

Hello. Can I have a horse
please, a fast one?

-For racing?
-No, for eating.
I'm an ancient

Celt, and we believe that by
eating a fast horse it makes us
faster runners.

Look, I'm sorry. This is a pet
shop not the butcher's.

We sell smallish animals
for the family.

Can I have a dog, please?

There you go! Certainly!
What kind you after?

Oh, Labradoodles are very
popular at the moment.

They're very affectionate,
great for people without a GF.

-No, I'm after one
that can tell me the future.
-You want a talking dog?

No! Dogs don't talk, love, no.

But if you kill them and then
eat their flesh, they will talk
to you in a vision.

Yeah, go on, out you go! Go on!
Walkies!

If I promise not to hurt it,
can I have a dog, please?

-Do you promise?
-Yeah.

I cross my heart and hope
to die in battle,

and then be reborn,
and then die again in battle.

Eurgh! And then be reborn, and
then die again in battle.

No, look you shouldn't be in
charge of scissors let
alone pets!

Can I have a dog, please?

What kind are you after?

One with a massive tongue,
so it'll lick this. Ah!

Yeah, well, Celts believe
it'll heal the wound.

Well we're all out of dogs,
sorry. Goodbye.

Can I have a cat, please?

I'm not going to sell you
any pet that

you're either going to eat,
kill, tell the future with,

-or get to lick your wounds.
-No, I won't!

We think cats are lucky.

If I sell you a cat, will you
clear off and never come back?

Yeah. As long as it's a
quiet one,

cos I'm gonna to take it home,
and I am gonna brick it up
in the house walls.

What?

Oh, come on! You know
the saying,

"Lucky cat in the walls,
lucky home!"

[MAN READING]

Hello and welcome to
The News At When.

When? The 1400s, when the kings
of England ended up fighting

a gruesome war with
their own relatives

for the right to the crown.

Here with more details is Bob
Hale with the War of the Roses
Report. Bob.

Thank you, Sam. Well, the year
is 1453, and that right there is
Henry the VI.

Though he could be called Henry
The Sick, because, mentally
he's rather ill.

So unwell in fact, that he
can't run the country any more.

So his cousin,
Richard Sillyname, turns up

and says he'll become Lord
Protector, meaning he'll run

the country while the King
is ill. What a lovely chap!
Or is he?

You see, 50 years ago, Richard's
great-great-grandpa, Richard II,

was kicked off the throne by
Henry's great-great grandpa,
Henry the IV.

So these two sides
of the family
aren't exactly best buddies.

Which is why the second Henry
gets better, he takes back his

crown and, fearing that cousin
Dicky might still be bearing a

bit of a grudge, has him kicked
out of court. Boom! Good shot!

So what does Dicky do? Well,
since Henry is from the

House of Lancaster,
whose symbol is a red rose,

and since cousin Dicky is from
the House of York,

whose symbol is a white rose,
and since this report is on

the War of the Roses, well you
can probably see where this

is going. Yep, it's war!

Dicky's men, the Yorkies,
win the first battle

where Henry's Lancastrian Army
run away. So fast, in fact,

that they leave poor old King
Henry sitting all alone

in a tent having once again
fallen ill. So once again,
Dicky becomes Lord Protector,

and once again Henry gets
better and once again,
Dicky is kicked out of court.

Boom! Good shot.

Luckily, the Archbishop of
Canterbury steps in

and sorts the whole thing out
by inventing 'Love Day'

where the Yorkies and the
Lancastrians walk through the

High Street holding hands. I'm
not even making that bit up!

So now it's all peace and love
and harmony and kissing,

Well, they're probably not the
last one. And that is the end
of that!

Or so we thought!
1459 and Dicky tries again
but fails.

Yes, this is the Yorkies' turn
to run away this time,

but clearly not all that far
away, because the very next year
they try yet again!

The Battle of Northampton this
time, where the Yorkies win,

and the Lancastrians run away,
leaving Henry behind, again,

and he's found alone
in his tent, again.

And guess what? He's ill again.

So once again, Dicky becomes
Lord Protector meaning the

final victory goes to the
Yorkies, and that really is

the end of that! Huh! Or so
we thought!

Henry might be ill,
but his wife refuses to give up.

So she nips up to Scotland
and borrows an army

and, what do you know,
restarts the whole war.

She really socks it to the
Yorkies at the Battle of

Wakefield, which has this effect
on old Dicky Boy.

He's fainted! No, not really!
He's only dead.

Killed in battle, leaving
his son Eddy to pick up

where Daddy left off, which is
getting beaten by Mrs. Henry.

But Eddy's in luck. The people
are suspicious of Mrs. Henry's

Scottish army and decide they'd
rather have young Eddy
in charge.

So he's crowned and the Yorkies
win, the Lancastrians lose,

and that's the end of that.
Really, really honestly.

This time, I promise.
Or so we thought!

Time for the biggest battle
of the entire war though.

It's bigger than that! It's
bigger that that! Yeah,
that's about right.

80,000 soldiers, 20,000 killed.
It's a massive,
horrible bloodbath

that sees final victory go to...

the Yorkies, yes!

Mr. and Mrs. Henry run away,
Eddy has his coronation,

becoming King Edward IV and the
country is filled with peace

and rainbows and prancing lambs
and pretty coloured flags.

But not for long! Eddy falls out
with his chief advisor,

the Earl of Warwick,
which is a bad move,

because Warwick is also known
as the king-maker,
and he probably

makes a king. He brings back,
yep, you've guessed it,

Henry the VI! Remember him?
Well, you can't forget about him

because it's 1471 and Warwick
is killed in battle then Henry
is executed, which means that

Edward can take back the crown
for the Yorkies and rule the
country very nicely for years,

and that's the end of
the War of the Roses.

Really, really, honestly this
time, properly and forever,
I swear.

Unless you count the bit where
Eddy dies and his father
Richard III takes over, and

then loses the crown to Henry
Tudor at the Battle of Bosworth.

But that bit is not important!
Who's ever heard of the Tudors?

AUDIENCE: Everybody's heard
of the Tudors!

All right, all right I know,
everyone has,
it was only a joke!

Honestly, what is it
with you people?

Richard III third was a mean
old murderous monster.

Or was he?

♪ I was sure that you'd love me
to that hope I did cling

♪ Cos' I'm Richard III,
and everybody loves a king.

♪ Thought I did a good job.
Why do you disagree?

♪ There's a lot of people
spreading nasty rumours about me

♪ Every word is a lie,
so I'm singing this song

♪ Cos the history books
have been telling it wrong.

♪ Never had a limp.
Always walked my full height.

♪ Never had a hump,
and my arm was all right.

♪ Never took the crown
with illegal power.

♪ Never killed my nephews,
the princes, in the tower.

♪ Tudor propaganda,
it's all absurd.

♪ Time to tell the truth
about King Richard III.

♪ My brother Edward died.
His kids too young to rule.

♪ So I took the throne.
Why not? I'm nobody's fool.

♪ Thomas More wrote a history.
Said I murdered Edward's boys.

♪ Shakespeare said their death
was an evil ploy.

♪ But I say those two
are historical vandals.

♪ They've ruined my image.
I mean, what a scandal!

♪ Never bumped off
those harmless young heirs.

♪ Never buried them under
the Tower of London stairs.

♪ Never poisoned my wife,
Bumped off her Daddy.

♪ This is me, Sweet Richard.
Do I look like a baddie?

♪ Never was two-faced.
Sure you'll agree.

♪ I was misunderstood,
King Richard three.

♪ Can you imagine it?
I'm the last Plantagenet.

♪ Beaten by Henry
in the Wars of the Roses.

♪ The Tudor dynasty
didn't care that much for me.

♪ Now I'm painted as a baddie.
That's why one supposes.

♪ Never forget
when you hear of my crimes,

♪ Never drowned my brother
in a massive vat of wine.

♪ Never said "A horse
My kingdom for a horse!"

♪ Who made that up?
Why, William Shakespeare,
of course!

♪ Now my tale is told.
You won't hear a bad word.

♪ About a special ruler
King Richard III. ♪

I'm a nice guy.

[BUZZING]

Oh, there's a wasp!

Ah! There's a wasp!

Yes, people think Richard III
was a monster

because of how he was portrayed
by Shakespeare

in the play, Richard III.

But Shakespeare was out
to please Queen Elizabeth I,

and by making Richard III
a monster, he showed that her

grandfather, Henry Tudor, was
right to take the throne.

So Richard probably wasn't
really all that bad.

[LAUGHS]
Suddenly came across all brainy.
Do you know what?

I feel quite faint.

[MAN READING]

In ancient Mexico, us Aztecs ate
all sorts of unusual stuff

like monkeys, frogs and lizards,
but at a certain time

of the year, our diet wasn't
nearly as interesting.

ANNOUNCER:
Previously on
Aztec Come Dine With Me,

Memexi served up a meal
of maize and beans.

Ooh! Thank you.

Come here, maize and beans!

Chantico prepared a dish
of maize and beans.

-So, it's maize and beans.
-Can I get you one of these?

-Oh, yes.
-Everyone for beans?

Oh, yes, please.

And Tenook cooked maize
and beans

with a side order of beans.

Quelle surprise!

[ALL LAUGH]

Yes it's, er...

[BREAKS WIND]

It's the final dinner party.
Can't wait to find out

what Atzi's going to be cooking
for her guests tonight.

Um, I've decided to cook
maize and beans.

Oh!

Cos I don't have any choice.

In the Aztec calendar, it's the
days of eating maize and beans

when we just eat maize
and beans.

PARP!

For 19 days.

It's to celebrate the end
of the dry season.

Yes, and the beginning
of the windy one! PARP!

It's hot and sticky in the
kitchen and Atzi hasn't even
started cooking,

and now the guests
are arriving. That's no good!

-Can I take your blanket?
-Yeah.

You look fabulous. Really nice.

Oh, so do you.
You look fantastic!

Now, I'm just in the kitchen,
so just help yourselves to some
cactus wine.

Thank you. Oh, right!

Cactus wine? I hope
they've taken the spikes out!

Meanwhile, back in the kitchen,
Atzi prepares the sacred maize

in the traditional Aztec
manner, by blowing on it.

[BREAKS WIND]
Well, that's one way of
doing it.

Oh, no!

Oh please tell me you're not
gonna use that maize - it's been
on the floor!

Maize is sacred to us Aztecs,
so not a single grain must
be wasted.

PARP!

Is it me or is it
a bit draughty in here?

It's you!

It's time for dinner and before
the main course of maize and

beans, Atzi has prepared
a surprise starter.

-Wow!
-It's maize and beans!

-Ooh!
-Love it.

-That is my favourite.
-Mine too.

Several plates of maize and
beans later it is time for Atzi

to entertain her guests by
playing a tune on her Aztec
Pipes.

[PANPIPE MUSIC]

While the other guests give a
blast on their Aztec Pipes!

[BREAKS WIND]

Go on, fella!

Time for the
all-important scores!

A three from Memexi.

Seven from Chantico.

And a big fat one from Tenook.

PARP!

Who gives Atzi ten out of ten.

Which means that Atzi is the
winner of this week's cash prize

1,000 beans!

1,000 beans?

Relax, relax, they're cocoa
beans for making chocolate.
It's Aztec money.

-Aah!
- Yeah!

PARP!

Yeah, when I said relax...

Next week on
Aztec Come Dine With Me,

it's the days of swallowing
water snakes and frogs.
Can't wait!

[WOMAN READING]

The answer is...

B. The Aztecs held ceremonies
where they stretched children's

necks to make them taller.

[WOMAN READING]

[MAN READING]

Grr, get back here! Come on!
[SHEEP BLEATING]

Grr!

What are you doing, man?

These woods are teeming with
wildlife. You're not going to
catch just standing there.

Come on, let's get hunting.
Woo! Rarr!

No thanks. I'm not a hunter.

Woah! Back up, give a
brother room. What do you mean
you're not a hunter?

We're Stone Age. It's what
we do.

We chase after wild animals,
day in, day out

until finally they get exhausted
and we skewer 'em!

Well, I'm not a hunter.
I'm a farmer.

-A fah-ma?
-Yes, a farmer, I farm stuff.

Basically, I just got fed up of
chasing animals about the
country side.

Never staying in the same
place twice,

so I set myself up a home here.

A hoom?

Yeah, a home.
This could take a while.

Yes, I live here.

I have plenty of livestock
in my paddock,

and whenever I need meat
I just go over and kill it.

What, you don't have
to chase after it?

-No. It's tied up.
-That's cool!

I quite like the sound of being
a fah-ma with a hoom.

And I plant and grow
all my own vegetables.

Vegballs?

-Vegetables.
-Ve-ge-tibbles.

Like cabbage and spinach and
onions and carrots and garlic.

-Look, try this!
-No, I don't like it.

No, I don't like it.

Here, wash it down with this.

It's milk from the animals.

It is a little hard to swallow.

I think I'am gonna stick to
being a hunter, thanks mate!

Okay then. More for me!

Yeah, keep it down now,
keep it down!

Ha-ha! When Stone Age men first
started drinking animal milk,

their bodies hadn't learnt how
to digest it properly

so they would have been sick
a lot.

Anyone fancy a nice
bowl of puke-o-pops?
[LAUGHS]

Yes, it was a key moment in the
evolution of Stone Age man

as, believe it or not,
was the invention of string.

Hi, I'm a shouty man, and
I'm here to tell you about...

[SHOUTY MAN READING]

It's the exciting, technological
breakthrough

that's set to revolutionise
the Stone Age.

Are you tired of
hunting with rocks?

Yeah!

SHOUTY MAN:
Then simply use new
multi-purpose string

to tie a sharp flint
to a long stick, and

you've got yourself a spear!

It should be the
pointy end first.

You can also use new
multipurpose string to make
this bow and arrow.

You're supposed to fire
the pointy end!

Sorry, mate.
SHOUTY MAN:
And that's not all.

New multi-purpose string
can also be used

to make this tasteful
shell necklace.

Wurrgh! Necklace nice.

Ho-ho! Flowers nice.

Flowers not for you.
Flowers to make string.

SHOUTY MAN: That's right!
New multi-purpose string is made
from the flowering plant, flax,

so it's a 100% organic.

Here's the not-so-sciencey bit!

NARRATOR:
Flax is a tough plant,
full of strong, woody fibres.

Simply extract these fibres
from the stem of the plant

and twist them with other fibres
for added stringy strength.

Honey, I'm home! Me bring meat.

SHOUTY MAN: And why not use new
multi-purpose string to make
yourself a string bag.

It's up to a bit percent better
at carrying stuff

than using your bare hands.

Honey, I'm home!
Me bring more meat!

SHOUTY MAN: Warning, do not use
string bag to carry berries.

What else string do?

SHOUTY MAN: How long is
a piece of string?

Easy. 1, 20, 32...

New multi-purpose string.
Available from all
leading fields.

29, 30... Ooh!
No, it is difficult, actually.

[MAN READING]

We Georgians all loved our great
naval Commander, Lord Nelson.

The Battle of Trafalgar was his
finest hour

but also, sadly, his last.

Quick as you can, Dr. Beatty.

It's Lord Nelson, he's been
shot. I think he may be dying.

Ah, Dr. Beatty. Sorry to have
to drag you down here.

Hardy's a bit of a fusspot.
I trust you are well?

Never better, but I'm sure it's
your health we should be
worrying about.

[EXPLOSION]

Ah, stuff and nonsense,
Dr. Beatty!

Just a trifling fatal injury
from a French sniper rifle.

Heaven knows how the blighter
managed to pick me out
on the crowded deck.

Well, with all due respect,
you do stand out a little bit.

You may as well have "Shoot Me"
written on your forehead.

Bullet ripped through
my shoulder

passed thorugh my chest
and then lodged somewhere into
my spine.

You ask me, the whole thing
is a darn inconvenience!

[EXPLOSION]

Doctor, isn't there anything
you can do for him?

I'm just a ship surgeon,

bit out of my depth with
internal bleeding and
spinal injuries.

Hacking off damaged limbs
is more my forte.

[CHEERING]

Sounds like another French ship
has surrendered, sir.

You're about to win Trafalgar.
The greatest sea battle of
all time.

Just as well, Hardy.

I'd look pretty stupid after
naming my flagship
The Victory- what!

[LAUGHTER]

Ah, good. Yes!

Admiral, we're losing him!

Kiss me, Hardy.

Sorry, did he just say,
"Kiss me, Hardy?"

-It sounded more like "Kismet."
-Sorry, what's Kismet?

Well, I think it means fate
or destiny or something.

Oh, yeah. Well, I might
just kiss him anyway. Just
in case that's what he wanted.

Really? No, no.

It's just, if he was saying
that this was his destiny, and
you do kiss him

then forever more, people
will think that

Britain's greatest ever
naval hero, on his deathbed,

asked his right-hand man for a
bit of a snog, when he didn't.

Well, um, how about I split
the difference and give him
a hug?

Yeah, give him a hug.
Everyone loves a hug.

Finished?

Not yet.

Yep, we're good.

Hardy did actually kiss Nelson,
twice on the cheek.

The Battle of Trafalgar was
a famous British victory,

but on receiving news of
Nelson's death,

King George III is believed
to have said, "We have lost more
than we have gained!"

That is such a sad death.

I thought this was supposed
to be a funny show?

What's that?

We've got a stupid one up next?
Oh, goody!

♪ Stupid deaths, stupid deaths

♪ They're funny cos they're true

♪ Wooh! Stupid deaths,
Stupid deaths,

♪ Hope next time it's not you.
Hee-hee!

Well, yes, I do use
conditioner. Is it that obvious?

What do you use?

Oh, look lively, we've
got company. And you are...

Maria, Countess of Coventry.

All right then, Grandma.
Tell us your story.

Grandma? I'm only 27!

Only 27? What happened to you?
Some kind of an explosion in a
white paint shop?

No. Actually, I used to be
something of a society beauty,

but I was prone to the odd spot.

-Oh, yes.
-So I covered them up
with ceruse,

which is a Georgian make-up,
and that worked a treat.

But I kept getting more
blemishes, so I applied
more make-up.

Really? Well, you would.
Wouldn't you?

Turns out that the Georgian
make-up contains white lead.

Ooh! That can't be good for you.

No, it's poisonous and it
causes blemishes on the skin.

Which you needed to cover up
with more white lead make-up.

Exactly.

More blemishes, more make-up,
More blemishes, more make-up,

-more blemishes, more make-up.
-Uh-huh, yes?

Until I died of lead poisoning.

You did?

[HE LAUGHS]

You're as thick as your make-up!

Ooh! If looks could kill-
and they did. You!

[HE LAUGHS]

You're through to the afterlife,
Maria, you numpty!

Off you go. Honestly, oh!

Is this a wig or... Hm. Next!

-Name?
-Kitty Fisher.

Hm, now don't tell me. Let me
guess...

♪ Stupid deaths, stupid deaths

♪ Hope next time it's not
you. ♪

And so dies Lord Nelson,
Britain's greatest naval leader.

Hero of the Battle of the Nile,
the Battle of Copenhagen

and now the Battle of Trafalgar.
The People's Admiral.

His body should be carried back
home in honour, so that the men

and women of Britain can pay
their respects.

What did you do with the body,
by the way?

Oh, we wanted to make
sure it was preserved,

so we popped it in
the barrel of brandy.

It's good stuff.

♪ Tall tales, atrocious acts

♪ We gave you all
the fearsome facts.

♪ The ugly truth, no glam
or glee,

♪ We showed you all the
juicy bits

♪ Gory, ghastly, mean and
cruel,

♪ Stuff they don't teach
you at school

♪ The past is no longer
a mystery

♪ Hope you enjoyed
Horrible Histories ♪