All language subtitles for Horrible Histories S02E13 1080p Amazon WEB-DL DD+2 0 H 264-QOQ_track3_[eng]

# Terrible Tudors,
gorgeous Georgians
Slimy Stuarts, vile Victorians

# Woeful wars,
ferocious fights
Dingy castles, daring knights

# Horrors that defy
description Cut-throat Celts,
awful Egyptians

# Vicious Vikings,
cruel crimes
Punishments from ancient times

# Roman, rotten, rank and
ruthless Cavemen savage,
fierce and toothless

# Groovy Greeks, brainy sages
Mean and measly Middle Ages

# Gory stories, we do that

# And your host a talking rat

# The past is no
longer a mystery

# Welcome to
Horrible Histories #

[NARRATOR READING]

Welcome to my disco par-tay.
We've got
nibbles and everything.

Oh, look at that!
Mouldy cheese, rotten cabbage,
cocktail worms.

[EXCLAIMS] Scrummy.

Coming up, we've got some of
my favourite Horrible
Historiessavage songs.

So let's get things started
in the ancient
Greek city of Sparta.

Hey,
all you Helots, you Zealots,
you Peloponnesians,

you Lacedaemons,
all of Leonidas' army,

let's get barmy
for the Spartan
School Musical.

ALL: Go Sparta!

[WHOOPING]

Whoo!

Come on!

# Today I'm
starting high school,
where boys are turned to men

# I've packed my
sword and shield,
we don't use paper and pen

# Everyone's a jock here
# We don't have Spartan nerds

# The weedy kids
were left to die
as breakfast for the birds

# We're taught to love a fight
We're taught not to be meek

# And if we're
good they feed us
three square meals every week

# Let's go fighting now
Fighting is exciting now

# Rockin' at
the Spartan School

Come on. Whoo!

# At Spartan kindergarten
I'm the boss,
that's understood

# I smack 'em if they're
naughty and I thwack 'em
if they're good

# I'm feeling rather peckish,
I'm gonna steal some food

# Caught,
I'll have to punish you,
ungrateful Spartan brood

# We promise not to steal
We're not the thieving sort

# Stealing is considered good,
what's wrong is getting caught

# Let's get beaten now
Learn lies and cheatin' now

# Rollin' at
the Spartan School

# We have a bunch of contests
to see who is the best

# The meanest,
leanest, toughest,
roughest Spartan contest

# This one is my
favourite game,
lashings of good fun

# Didn't feel a thing
I want my mum

# We pass our last exam
and it's Spartan graduation

# Straight away we go to work,
no time for celebration

# Ten years active service
in the army, no diversion

# There's only
job for a Spartan,
killing loads of Persians

# If you're
wondering about love
it's banned until you're 30

# High school
doesn't teach romance,
it teaches fighting dirty

# Let's go fighting now
Fighting is exciting now

# Rockin' at
the Spartan School

# Let's get beaten now
Learn lies and cheatin' now

# Rollin' at
the Spartan School #

Ooh,
uh, sorry if you didn't get
any nibbles.

They seem to have
all disappeared.

I don't know where
they could have gone.
[BURPS]

Yes, the Spartans were indeed
fearsome warriors,

and so were the Celts.

# Gonna cause a stink
Won't be the first to blink

# I'm not who you think
Don't mess with me,
I'm Boudicca

# My husband Prasutagus died
He was a Celtic king

# I was his queen,
so due to me
was half of everything

# Roman law gave half to me,
so half was what they got

# Till their
nasty soldiers came
and took the blessed lot

# Hey, mister! I say you got
the wrong end of the stick

# His answer
turned this sister
into one angry chick

# No man Roman'll
push around this woman

# You won't get
far with Boudicca

# Bowmen, yeomen
Smash the Roman foe-man

# All say yah
# Yah!

# Boudicca

# I built a massive army,
headed straight for the city

# Beat 'em all with ease
Unlike me, it wasn't pretty

# Chopped 'em and hacked,
but what made
their red blood curl

# It's bad
enough being beaten,
but beaten by a girl?

# Whacked 'em, smacked 'em
Boy, how we attacked 'em

# Near and far, ha ha ha

# Flayed 'em, slayed 'em
Up and down parade 'em

# Boudicca

# The toughest by far

# Colchester, London,
St Albans Everybody talk
about dead Romans

# We marched on
up the Roman road
that's known as Watling Street

# They trapped
us in the forest,
then thrashed us to a defeat

# By now you've guessed I'm
not the kind of gal
who'll sit and cry

# Be sold as slave to Romans?
You know I'd rather die

# They tried to
take me prisoner,
so I led the Roman boys on

# Instead of giving in to them
I swallowed special poison

# Martyr, smarter,
capture a non-starter

# This was our last hurrah

# Slaughtered, dismembered
Our tribe always remembered

# Boudicca, superstar

# Boudicca
# Superstar! #

It wasn't just Romans
who invaded Britain, you know,

us Vikings did it, too.

I love this band.

# Was the summer of 793

# When we sailed across
the great North Sea

# Comets crossed
the skies that night

# You must have known
something wasn't right

# We arrived upon
your English shore

# And you offered friendship
but we wanted more

# Yeah, so much more

# We're tearing up
this place tonight

# Literally

# We're gonna set this
sleepy town alight

# Literally

# We'll kill and steal
and burn and drink

# 'Cause us Viking don't care
what you think

# Whoa, whoa, whoa

# Let me in now,
won't you, please?

# We're here to
raid your monastery

# We're primed
and ready to attack

# And we love how monks
just don't fight back

# You'll die or
become a slave to me

# Though our slaves often
get chucked in the sea, yeah

# If the boat's heavy,
yeah, yeah!

# You're gonna lose
your head, my friend

# Literally

# We're gonna
get ya in the end

# Literally

# Then I'll drink a toast
from your skull

# 'Cause we're Vikings
and that's how we roll

# Whoa, whoa, whoa

Play that axe, Ragnar!

# We're gonna paint
the whole town red

# Literally

# With the blood of the dead

# Literally

# We'll take
everything that you own

# And get back on our ship
and go back home

# Whoa, whoa, whoa

# We're going home
# Home

# Whoa, whoa, whoa

# We're going home
# Home

# Whoa, whoa, whoa

# We are going home
# Home

# Whoa, whoa, whoa

# We are going home
# Home #

It's true, you know,

the Vikings did used to drink
out of the skulls
of their enemies,

but they weren't the only ones
to do it.

So did some
people called Incas,

over in South America,
in around 1450 AD,

when this bloke was in charge.

# I'm Pachacuti,
the Incan Lord

# All other tribes dread it

# My name means
"he who shapes the earth"

# Not that I'm big-headed

# When it comes to
claiming nearby lands

# I was the type to risk it

# But it's how I
treat dead enemies
that really took the biscuit

# I drink from their skull
# Do the Pachacuti

# Pull out their teeth whole
# Do the Pachacuti

# Turn teeth into charms
# Do the Pachacuti

# Make flutes
out of their arms
# Pachacuti

# Once on
a hillside my troops hid
to cause a rival strife

# And when they jumped out
it looked like

# The ground had come to life

# "The rocks,
they are my warriors,"
I then used to boast

# And that little lie
helped us win wars

# But violence helped the most

# I drink from their skull
# Do the Pachacuti

# Pull out their teeth whole
# Do the Pachacuti

# Turn teeth into charms
# Do the Pachacuti

# Make flutes
out of their arms
# Pachacuti

# If you were a rival chief

# We'd kill you first and then
we'd stuff you
like a scarecrow

# But one for scaring men

[SCREAMS]

# Then we'd rest your bony
fingers on the stretched
skin of your belly

# And in the breeze,
they'd tap that tum

# Like a drummer,
but more smelly

# I drink from their skull
# Do the Pachacuti

# Pull out their teeth whole
# Do the Pachacuti

# Use their skin as a drum
# Do the Pachacuti

# I've never had so much fun
# Pachacuti #

# Do the Pachacuti #

[LAUGHS]

I love a good party, me.

Eh,
and no one loved a good party
more than the Stuart king

who came to power in 1661.

# My name is

# My name is

# My name is Charles II

# I love the people
and the people love me

# So much that they restored
the English monarchy

# I'm part Scottish,
French, Italian
A little bit Dane

# But 100% party animal

# Champagne!

# Spaniels I adored
Named after me, too

# Like me, they were fun
with a nutty hairdo

# Is today my birthday?
I can't recall

# Let's have a party anyway
because I love a masked ball

# All hail the king of bling

# Let's sing
Bells ring, ding ding

# I'm the King
who brought back partying

# King Charles, my daddy, lost
his throne and
kings were banned

# They chopped off his head
then Ollie
Cromwell ruled the land

# Old Ollie wasn't jolly
He was glum and he was proud

# Would be miserable as sin
Only sinning's not allowed

# When Ollie died,
the people said,
"Charlie, me hearty

# "Get rid of his dull laws
Come back, we'd rather party"

# This action's
what they called
the Monarchy Restoration

# Which naturally was followed
by a huge celebration

# The King of Eng...
# ...land say

# No sin to sing

# Okay
# Or anything

# All say I'm the King
who brought back partying

# Great London
Fire was a whopper
in my reign

# London City came a cropper

# So this King
did what was right
and proper

# Fought the fire,
proved I'm more than a bopper

# I'm a fire-stopper!

# Married Catherine Braganza
She was a love so true

# There would never be another
Well, maybe one or two

# Lucy Walter, Nell Gwynne,
Moll Davis, Barbara Villiers

# You think that's bad,
but her name's not as silly as

# Hortense Mancini

# As King, I must admit
I broke the wedding rules

# But who cares
when I brought back
the crown jewels?

# I reinstated Christmas,
make-up,
sports and even plays

# I was the merry monarch
They were good old days

# When said and done

# King Charles did
run England for fun
# That's me

# I was the King
loved by everyone
My song is done #

Party, anyone?

Ahh. I was parched.
Anyone else fancy a drink?

It's squash.
Squashed beetle squash.

Now, here's another famous man
from the end of
the Stuart era.

But he's one you really
wouldn't want to meet.

# When I was a nipper
I boarded a clipper

# Sailed the seas
as a goods importer, oh!

# Edward Teach is my name

# But I earned my
fame as Blackbeard,
the pirate of the water, oh

# What a jolly chap
With a jaunty cap

# Always gave my
crew good quarter, oh

# But I'm best known for
blood and guts and gore

# And a vicious reign
of murdering
and slaughter, oh!

# Best known for
blood and guts and gore

# And a vicious reign
of murdering
and slaughter, oh!

# Left my home in Bristol
With a sword and pistol

# Bid a fond
farewell to old Blighty, oh

# What my enemies feared
Was my thick black beard

# Which I always
enjoyed setting
light to, oh!

# Once I had a thing
for a captive's lovely ring

# That shone like a jewel
in the nighty, oh!

# When the man said no
I just said oh

# And chopped off his hand
and said righty-o

# Man said no
He said oh

# Chopped off his hand
and said righty-o

# Oh, I love to sail the ocean

# With my flag
that inspired emotion

# With its smiling pile
of skull and bones

# Smashing hearts
with a violent stabbing motion

# And I loved to
escape detection
and to win my crew's affection

# Which was nothing to do with
the 12 guns he
wore on his belt

# That were for protection

# I was awfully nice,
but I had the odd vice

# Which occasionally
caused a commotion

# The thing that I'd do
was shoot members of my crew

# If they didn't
show enough devotion

# The thing he'd do
was shoot members of the crew

# If they didn't
show enough devotion

# Once when very irate,
I shot my first mate

# Israel Hands,
for a bit of pleasure, oh

# And when my debts grew,
killed half of my crew

# To increase my share
of the treasure, oh!

# Was doing well
then seemed to run out of men

# My captors boarded
at their leisure, oh

# Smoked me dead
Then cut off my head

# And displayed it on my mast
for good measure, oh!

# Smoked him dead
Chopped off his head

# Displayed it on the mast
for good measure, oh! #

Blackbeard really was
a bad-tempered sort.

But then so was our
last Georgian King,
about a century later.

I don't think he liked waiting
nearly 60 years
to take the throne.

# I'm George IV,
the Regent King

# Which means I
was just standing in

# Acting King because my dad,
George III,
had gone barking mad

Banana!

# Great palaces I did design
Buckingham was one of mine

# Art and fashion I so rated

And wives?

# That's more complicated

# Actresses and Duchesses,
the great loves of my life

# I loved more
girls than I ate pies

# But I couldn't stand my wife

# He couldn't stand his wife

Go away.

# I only
married Queen Caroline

# When my debts began to climb

# 'Cause if I
agreed to tie the knot

# I said I'd pay off the lot

# But the wedding caused
all sorts of strife

# 'Cause I already had a wife

A divorced Catholic?

# Dad did sigh,
but the mad old goat
just wouldn't die

Still here!
Oh! Spoke too soon.

At last, I can go solo!

# As true King my reign began

# Though I was now
older than your nan

# But as
the ruler of our nation

# I banned my wife
from my coronation

# And knowing now
that I did hate her

# She promptly died
just three weeks later

# But all those
pies that I got through

# Meant 10 years
later I died, too

Hello, have we met?
I'm a kangaroo.

# Actresses, Duchesses,
the great loves of my life

# I loved more
girls than I ate pies

# But I couldn't stand my wife

# I had just 10
years on the throne

# Do you remember that?

# No, all that you remember is

# I was really fat #

Yee-ha! We're having ourselves
a fancy dress par-tay.

In 1866,
cowboys ruled the range
in America.

But the real cowboys weren't
much like the ones you
see in the movies.

Oh, no.

# Well, I'm a real-life cowboy
Just a quiet humble fella

# That's what we're like,
apart from Mike

# Yeah, I'm more of a yeller

# Sing songs to
pass the evenings

# And because it
soothes the herd
so they won't stampede

# Unless Mike sings lead
# And shouts every single word

-Mike!
-Sorry.

# 'Cause we're cowboys
Real-life cowboys

# Not like
the ones you've seen
on your TV

# We've never
held up banks at all

# We're poorly paid
# And kinda small

# If you still
wanna be a cowboy

# Stick with me

# On your horse for 18 hours

# And that
saddle sore's a curse

# Then feed your horse
# And yourself, of course

# Though beans
just make it worse

[FARTS]

# Then you're
back driving cattle

# That's what
being a cowboy means

# Moving those
beasts from west to east

[FARTS] # Sorry,
it's the beans

# 'Cause we're cowboys
Real-life cowboys

# Not like the ones
you've seen in the movies

# We're not big hunks
like that John Wayne

# 'Cause our
horses would complain

# If you still
wanna be a cowboy

# Join us, please

# You should be aware we have
some customs that are strange

# Like saying "Howdy",
not "Hello" When you're out
here on the range

# Never touch a cowboy's hat

# Never ride his horse

# So what if I
took your old mare?

# Well,
I'd shoot you, of course
# Fair enough

# Cowboys
Real-life cowboys

# Not like the ones you see
on silver screens

# We didn't go
out starting fights

# 'Cause unions
fought for our rights

# Now Mike will do a solo
thanks to beans

[FARTING MELODY]

-How was that?
-It stunk!

# And now my friends I fear
that the end is drawing near

# 'Cause we only
ruled the range
for 20 years #

ALL: Yee-ha!

That's right, the cowboy era
only lasted for
about 20 years.

But over in Britain,
many of the things
the Victorians invented

are still with us today.

# Twas the age of
Queen Victoria's
A period notorious

# So many brand-new
goods we did create

# Our list is long and
glorious Though I don't
intend to bore yas

# Was a time of
great invention

Was it really?
What did we invent then?

# Well,
I'm just about to mention

# Drum roll, please
Let's raise the tension

-[CLEARING THROAT]
-[DRUM ROLL]

# We invented this
Music hall

# Is that all?

# Well...

[UPBEAT TUNE PLAYING]

# A chap called Henry Bessemer
invented molten steel

# Which led to other chaps
creating the automobile

# Which led to petrol,
tyres and bikes
So all that was required

# Was roads so concrete came
and tarmac thought up, too

# You're hired!

# Oh, concrete, tarmac, steel

# The automobile

# Seal of rubber wheel
# Such inventive zeal

# Still there's
plenty to reveal

# Victorian
brains worked overtime
to come up with ideas

# We invented light bulbs

# Nice one
# Cheers

# Typewriters and radios
Now news was fast conveyed

Hello.

# A telephone was no good
Till a second phone was made

Hello.

# Our inventors did not snooze

# Always had another ruse

# The latest flushing loos

# Films that did amuse

# Flashbulb cameras to use

# What a picture!
What a picture!

# Vacuum cleaners,
toilet paper,
post boxes and stamps

# Toilets,
aspirin, anaesthetics,
locks, electric lamps

# Sewing machines,
x-rays, comics,
ice cream in a pot

# Easter eggs and rockets

# We invented the whole lot

# Oh...

Oh, hang on. There's more.

# Trains and lines and bridges
and the Underground as well

# Paddle steamers, prams
and disinfectant
for their smell

# Sterile doctors' instruments
One last unmentioned brand

# Victorians invented
the world's
first conveyer band

Cuddly toy?

Invented 1902,
the year after Victoria died.

# Oh, barometers were new

# Iron ships were cool

# What genius!
# Thank you

# Seems we're almost through

# Just one little oversight #

[COUGHS]

We invented dynamite.

Talking of dynamite,
let's finish the show

with a bit of
1939-style girl power.

Carry on.

# We're girlies from the '30s
Wash the dishes,
scrub the floor

# When all of a sudden
Our hubbies went to war

# Did you think we'd shrink
In England's needy hour?

-You what?
-Course not.

# 'Cause we got girl power

# Our men are
fighting World War Two

# But we're not
gonna boo-hoo-hoo

# It's our World
War Two, too, girls
Plenty we can do, girls

# We're
the World War Two girls
Our war begins right here

# I make
weapons in the factory

# Drill and bolt and screw

# With rules so strict they
even time you when
you're on the loo

# Making bombs and bullets
means I'm always mucky

# I've put my
name down for a bath

# I'll get one if I'm lucky

# There is no job that we
can't do It wasn't long
till our roles grew

# Your country
needs you, girls
Army, Navy, too, girls

# We're
the World War Two girls
This is our career

# I'm a plane-fixing,
plain-speaking

# Photo-taking, code-breaking
Air Force miss

# Radar-manning, lorry-driving

# Weather-guessing,
foreign-spying
I do all this

# I took the role of Land Girl
while our men fight far away

# Farming on the home front
Helping save the day

# Tending crops and animals
Manual labour hurts

# In the field, my uniform's
this scratchy tie and shirt

# When World War Two is over
though We'll be proud
'cause we will know

# Thanks to us is due, girls
Came to the rescue, girls

# We're
the World War Two girls
Original girl power #

Well, I'm afraid
that's all we've got time for.

Uh, what's that? Encore?
Oh, okay, just one more.

But don't tell anyone.
Get ready to scream, girls.

[LAUGHS]

ANNOUNCER: Please welcome to
Horrible Histories

the four King Georges
of the Georgian
era withBorn 2 Rule.

# I took the throne of England
Just 'cause I was Protestant

# A German prince
whose English stank
King George number one

# I liked to argue,
now that's clear
especially with my father here

# And when he
died of diarrhoea
I fought with my son

# I broke records
with my 60-year reign

# And I broke the scales
with my giant frame

# Born to rule over you

# King George

# Four
# Three

# One
# And two

# You had to do
what we told you to

# Just because
our blood was blue

# I was a hunk,
girls adored me
Ladies all swooned before me

# They would do anything for
me Or I'd have
their husbands killed

# Had a war with
Prince Charles Bonnie

# Everyone said
that I was fu-fu-funny

# I spent everyone's money

# Our subjects
were not thrilled

# I was the sad one

# And I was the bad one

# I was the mad one

# And I was the fat one

# We were born
to rule over you

# Georges

# One
# Three

# Four
# And two

# England's kings

# Though we were German, too

# Him
# Then him

# Then me
# Then you

# We were born
to rule over you

# Born to rule

# Gorged on fruit
Then I died on the loo

# People hated us

# And we hated them, too

# Born to rule over you

# Born to rule over you

# Me, I was as batty
as a bonkers kangaroo-oo

# Me, I would have been
more at home in a zoo

# And now
Now our song is through

# Yeah #

-ALL: Georges.
-Banana.

# Tall tales, atrocious acts
We gave you all
the fearsome facts

# The ugly truth, no glam
or glitz We showed you
all the juicy bits

# Gory,
ghastly, mean and cruel

# Stuff they don't
teach you at school

# The past is no
longer a mystery

# Hope you enjoyed
Horrible Histories #