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1
00:00:06,160 --> 00:00:08,960
# Terrible Tudors,
gorgeous Georgians
Slimy Stuarts, vile Victorians
2
00:00:09,000 --> 00:00:11,640
# Woeful wars,
ferocious fights
Dingy castles, daring knights
3
00:00:11,680 --> 00:00:14,440
# Horrors that defy
description Cut-throat Celts,
awful Egyptians
4
00:00:14,480 --> 00:00:17,200
# Vicious Vikings,
cruel crimes
Punishments from ancient times
5
00:00:17,240 --> 00:00:19,920
# Roman, rotten, rank and
ruthless Cavemen savage,
fierce and toothless
6
00:00:19,960 --> 00:00:22,640
# Groovy Greeks, brainy sages
# Mean and measly Middle Ages
7
00:00:22,680 --> 00:00:25,400
# Gory stories, we do that
8
00:00:25,440 --> 00:00:27,920
# And your host a talking rat
9
00:00:27,960 --> 00:00:30,880
# The past is no
longer a mystery
10
00:00:30,920 --> 00:00:35,920
# Welcome to
Horrible Histories #
11
00:00:37,440 --> 00:00:39,120
[NARRATOR READING]
12
00:00:41,160 --> 00:00:44,880
Us cavemen
had lots of
unusual traditions.
13
00:00:44,920 --> 00:00:48,840
You wouldn't
believe some of them
if you saw them today.
14
00:00:48,880 --> 00:00:50,840
Ow! Who did that?
15
00:01:00,880 --> 00:01:03,120
DI Bones,
Historical Crime Squad.
16
00:01:03,160 --> 00:01:06,600
Deceased is a male,
Stone Age cave dweller.
17
00:01:06,640 --> 00:01:10,840
Early 30s. Cause of death,
one, two, three,
four, five, six, seven...
18
00:01:10,880 --> 00:01:13,640
Seventeen arrows
fired directly into the chest.
19
00:01:13,680 --> 00:01:15,080
[SOBBING]
20
00:01:16,920 --> 00:01:20,960
Oh, no, no, sorry.
Sorry, that was us.
We did that when we found him.
21
00:01:21,000 --> 00:01:24,040
You fired 17
arrows into the corpse
of your loved one?
22
00:01:24,080 --> 00:01:26,720
It's just an old Stone Age
mark of respect.
23
00:01:26,760 --> 00:01:28,640
Okay, well,
we'll ignore the arrows.
24
00:01:30,120 --> 00:01:32,880
Oh, probable cause of death
25
00:01:32,920 --> 00:01:38,360
is the victim having his head
sliced open and
his brains removed.
26
00:01:38,400 --> 00:01:39,960
[CAVEWOMAN SOBBING]
27
00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:42,640
Oh, no, sorry.
Sorry, we did that, too.
28
00:01:42,680 --> 00:01:45,440
You sliced his head open
and removed his brains?
29
00:01:45,480 --> 00:01:47,040
Just our little tribute.
30
00:01:47,080 --> 00:01:49,880
Another Stone Age
ritual for the dead,
you know.
31
00:01:49,920 --> 00:01:54,280
Also present,
a piece of raw, rotting meat.
32
00:01:54,320 --> 00:01:55,480
Could be poisoned.
33
00:01:55,520 --> 00:01:58,080
Sorry. Sorry,
we left that for him as well.
34
00:01:58,120 --> 00:01:59,680
It's to keep him going
through the afterlife,
35
00:01:59,720 --> 00:02:00,840
till he catches some food.
36
00:02:00,880 --> 00:02:02,480
Never mind the afterlife,
love,
37
00:02:02,520 --> 00:02:05,280
I'm trying to work out
what sent him there.
38
00:02:05,320 --> 00:02:10,040
A-ha! Traces of
a suspect red powder.
39
00:02:10,080 --> 00:02:14,000
Yeah, that'd be make-up.
Us again. Sorry.
40
00:02:14,040 --> 00:02:15,680
We wanted him
to look his best.
41
00:02:15,720 --> 00:02:18,440
Oh, well,
he looks great with 17 arrows
poking out of his chest
42
00:02:18,480 --> 00:02:20,000
and half his head lopped off.
43
00:02:20,040 --> 00:02:21,640
It's what he would've wanted.
44
00:02:21,680 --> 00:02:23,520
I suppose the dead
dog was you as well?
45
00:02:23,560 --> 00:02:25,440
We thought he might get lonely
in the afterlife.
46
00:02:25,480 --> 00:02:27,640
-And,
uh, what's the big bear for?
-[BEAR GROWLING]
47
00:02:27,680 --> 00:02:29,440
Oh, no. No, that wasn't us.
48
00:02:29,480 --> 00:02:31,160
-That's what killed him.
-Ah.
49
00:02:31,200 --> 00:02:32,320
[BEAR GROWLING]
50
00:02:32,360 --> 00:02:34,920
Cause of death was the big...
Big bear!
51
00:02:34,960 --> 00:02:38,440
Big bear. Big bear. Big bear.
Big bear. Big bear. Big bear.
52
00:02:40,480 --> 00:02:42,080
[LAUGHING]
53
00:02:42,120 --> 00:02:43,960
Do you know, it's true,
54
00:02:44,000 --> 00:02:47,120
some cavemen did slice open
dead people's heads to
remove the brains.
55
00:02:47,160 --> 00:02:50,840
[CHUCKLES] They
may have even cooked
and eaten them, too. Mmm.
56
00:02:50,880 --> 00:02:55,080
Here's a brain I prepared
earlier. As you can see,
it's from a PE teacher.
57
00:02:55,120 --> 00:02:57,120
[CACKLING]
58
00:02:57,160 --> 00:02:59,640
Lots of what we know
about Stone Age people
59
00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:02,920
comes from what's been found
in burial pits like that one.
60
00:03:02,960 --> 00:03:06,080
And also
from prehistoric
cave paintings.
61
00:03:09,680 --> 00:03:11,040
[GRUNTING]
62
00:03:11,080 --> 00:03:13,320
[LAUGHING]
63
00:03:13,360 --> 00:03:16,120
Hello, and welcome
to the Caveman Art Show.
64
00:03:16,160 --> 00:03:18,760
-I'm Ugg, and this is Grunt.
-Grunt.
65
00:03:18,800 --> 00:03:22,000
Today we're going
to be showing you
how to paint like a caveman.
66
00:03:22,040 --> 00:03:24,360
Now,
Grunt's already made a start
with his picture,
67
00:03:24,400 --> 00:03:26,160
so let's have a look
and see how he's doing.
68
00:03:26,200 --> 00:03:28,600
-Come on.
-Grunt paint picture.
69
00:03:28,640 --> 00:03:30,960
That's a lovely
prehistoric picture, Grunt.
70
00:03:31,000 --> 00:03:33,320
-And who are these
two fellows here?
-Grunt.
71
00:03:33,360 --> 00:03:35,480
-That's you, is it?
-Grung.
72
00:03:35,520 --> 00:03:37,720
-That's Grung.
-Dead.
73
00:03:37,760 --> 00:03:39,400
Grung's dead.
74
00:03:39,440 --> 00:03:42,320
And who's this chap here,
being chased by the mammoth?
75
00:03:42,360 --> 00:03:44,160
That Ugg.
76
00:03:44,200 --> 00:03:45,520
[GRUNTING]
77
00:03:47,960 --> 00:03:49,520
Excuse me, what? What?
78
00:03:49,560 --> 00:03:51,240
You know I'm
sensitive about my weight.
79
00:03:52,680 --> 00:03:54,040
-Sorry.
-There's a line.
80
00:03:54,080 --> 00:03:56,240
I just got carried away.
81
00:03:56,280 --> 00:03:59,680
I'm also going to show you
an ancient caveman
painting technique.
82
00:03:59,720 --> 00:04:02,200
Now,
for this you're going to have
to make your own paint.
83
00:04:04,920 --> 00:04:08,840
Now, what I like to use
is iron minerals, like these.
84
00:04:08,880 --> 00:04:12,760
Now, we take our minerals,
put them into our pot...
85
00:04:12,800 --> 00:04:15,200
And you need to mix them
with a certain kind of liquid.
86
00:04:15,240 --> 00:04:17,320
Personally,
I think blood works best.
87
00:04:17,360 --> 00:04:19,520
-Grunt, I need some blood.
-[GRUNTS]
88
00:04:19,560 --> 00:04:22,120
[LAUGHS] Don't be silly,
I'm not going to
use your blood.
89
00:04:22,160 --> 00:04:25,080
Just pass us the blood
we've already got.
90
00:04:25,120 --> 00:04:26,440
[LAUGHING]
91
00:04:26,480 --> 00:04:28,480
Idiot.
92
00:04:28,520 --> 00:04:31,680
Now, I'm just going to pour
some of this in the pot
93
00:04:31,720 --> 00:04:35,120
and mix it
together to make a paint.
94
00:04:35,160 --> 00:04:37,400
Once you've done that,
you'll need a bone.
95
00:04:37,440 --> 00:04:39,440
-Grunt, I need a bone.
-[GRUNTS]
96
00:04:39,480 --> 00:04:41,200
The one we've already got.
97
00:04:41,240 --> 00:04:43,280
[CHUCKLES] You thought I was
going to hit you then,
didn't you?
98
00:04:43,320 --> 00:04:44,600
Well, I am.
99
00:04:45,640 --> 00:04:47,240
Once you've got your bone,
100
00:04:47,280 --> 00:04:49,720
you need to get
all the marrow out
from the inside,
101
00:04:49,760 --> 00:04:52,440
so it makes
a hollow tube, like this.
102
00:04:52,480 --> 00:04:54,280
Then you take your bone tube
103
00:04:54,320 --> 00:04:56,880
and stick it in your paint
and you suck it up.
104
00:04:59,200 --> 00:05:00,600
[GASPS]
105
00:05:00,640 --> 00:05:02,680
[COUGHING]
106
00:05:02,720 --> 00:05:03,880
[SPITTING] I'm okay.
107
00:05:03,920 --> 00:05:05,200
Okay, carry on?
108
00:05:06,320 --> 00:05:08,080
Make sure you suck gently now,
109
00:05:08,120 --> 00:05:10,040
you don't want the paint
going up into your mouth,
do you, Grunt?
110
00:05:10,080 --> 00:05:11,480
-No.
-No.
111
00:05:11,520 --> 00:05:13,680
So once you've got some paint
in your bone tube,
112
00:05:13,720 --> 00:05:16,520
you need to go over to the
wall and place your
hand on the wall.
113
00:05:16,560 --> 00:05:20,000
Then you can blow the paint
all over your hand.
114
00:05:20,040 --> 00:05:21,600
Then,
when you take your hand away,
115
00:05:21,640 --> 00:05:24,040
it makes a lovely handprint,
like so.
116
00:05:24,080 --> 00:05:27,360
-[CHUCKLES] Grunt paint hand.
-Well done, Grunt.
117
00:05:27,400 --> 00:05:29,040
Grunt do foot.
118
00:05:29,080 --> 00:05:30,680
No, I don't think
you should do that, Grunt.
119
00:05:30,720 --> 00:05:32,400
No, I don't think
that's a good idea.
120
00:05:32,440 --> 00:05:33,840
[EXCLAIMING]
121
00:05:37,720 --> 00:05:40,080
Oh, where's the door?
122
00:05:40,120 --> 00:05:41,560
See you all next week.
123
00:05:43,760 --> 00:05:45,440
[NARRATOR READING]
124
00:05:46,840 --> 00:05:50,520
During World War Two,
there could be spies anywhere.
125
00:05:50,560 --> 00:05:54,080
You had to watch what you said
and what you wrote.
126
00:05:55,040 --> 00:05:57,120
So to pass on secret messages,
127
00:05:57,160 --> 00:06:00,160
the Army had to
use secret codes.
128
00:06:00,200 --> 00:06:03,360
So my idea is
we write everything backwards,
129
00:06:03,400 --> 00:06:05,760
so to the enemy it will look
like complete gobbledegook.
130
00:06:05,800 --> 00:06:09,000
It's brilliant! Um,
for example, if we were to
write the word "eye",
131
00:06:09,040 --> 00:06:11,880
we would do it backwards,
like so.
132
00:06:13,200 --> 00:06:14,280
Eye!
133
00:06:15,760 --> 00:06:17,000
Oh.
134
00:06:17,040 --> 00:06:18,760
Um, bad example.
135
00:06:18,800 --> 00:06:22,560
If we were writing the word
"madam", we'd do it backwards,
like this.
136
00:06:22,600 --> 00:06:24,880
[SPELLING]
137
00:06:25,320 --> 00:06:26,840
Oh.
138
00:06:26,880 --> 00:06:29,520
If we were writing
the word "racecar",
139
00:06:29,560 --> 00:06:33,880
then we'd spell it backwards,
which would be...
140
00:06:35,880 --> 00:06:38,280
Yes, I think it might be
back to the drawing board
141
00:06:38,320 --> 00:06:39,680
with that one, old bean.
142
00:06:39,720 --> 00:06:41,520
Yes, perhaps you're right.
143
00:06:41,560 --> 00:06:44,040
I tell you,
this secret code lark
is a darn tricky business.
144
00:06:44,080 --> 00:06:45,360
Isn't it just.
145
00:06:47,200 --> 00:06:49,240
Well, thanks for nothing!
146
00:06:49,280 --> 00:06:51,120
My word! Agent Saunders?
147
00:06:51,160 --> 00:06:53,680
We thought you were in that
prison camp at Drancy.
148
00:06:53,720 --> 00:06:55,800
No, I escaped.
149
00:06:55,840 --> 00:06:57,160
No thanks to you idiots.
150
00:06:57,200 --> 00:06:59,120
-Steady on now, chap.
-Steady on?
151
00:06:59,160 --> 00:07:03,000
I've just crossed the whole of
occupied France with no
money and no map.
152
00:07:03,040 --> 00:07:04,880
Did you even get my letter?
153
00:07:04,920 --> 00:07:07,920
Some time ago,
I'm afraid it didn't make
a great deal of sense.
154
00:07:07,960 --> 00:07:11,240
I used Sergeant Hall's code,
just like you said.
155
00:07:11,280 --> 00:07:15,360
"Escape planned January 2nd,
send map and money."
156
00:07:15,400 --> 00:07:17,480
You just read every word
after the punctuation,
157
00:07:17,520 --> 00:07:18,720
just like we discussed.
158
00:07:18,760 --> 00:07:21,600
Ah, every word
after the punctuation.
159
00:07:21,640 --> 00:07:24,720
See,
we were reading every word
before the punctuation.
160
00:07:24,760 --> 00:07:28,680
"Please prepare the old goat
for wedding."
161
00:07:28,720 --> 00:07:30,040
Why on earth would I say that?
162
00:07:30,080 --> 00:07:31,840
Well, we were rather confused.
163
00:07:31,880 --> 00:07:33,120
As was the goat.
164
00:07:33,160 --> 00:07:34,480
[BLEATING]
165
00:07:36,720 --> 00:07:39,960
So, it turns out you're better
at this secret
code lark than we are.
166
00:07:40,000 --> 00:07:42,200
Would you mind helping us
with this one, old boy?
167
00:07:42,240 --> 00:07:44,760
Ah,
yes, now we got this letter
from Agent Blenkinsopp
168
00:07:44,800 --> 00:07:46,640
about three weeks ago.
169
00:07:46,680 --> 00:07:49,200
And so far we've
been unable to work out
which code he's been using.
170
00:07:49,240 --> 00:07:51,440
"Trapped in Paris,
please send help."
171
00:07:52,440 --> 00:07:54,520
Now,
what is he trying to tell us?
172
00:07:54,560 --> 00:07:56,560
There's a message
in there somewhere.
173
00:07:56,600 --> 00:08:00,280
[SIGHS] I'm going for a bath.
174
00:08:00,320 --> 00:08:03,080
Do you actually think
he's trapped in Paris, do you?
175
00:08:03,120 --> 00:08:04,680
Where's Paris?
176
00:08:04,720 --> 00:08:06,400
[NARRATOR READING]
177
00:08:13,560 --> 00:08:15,440
[READING]
178
00:08:15,480 --> 00:08:18,200
When the paper was heated,
the wee writing
became visible.
179
00:08:18,240 --> 00:08:21,240
Yes, British spies
had lots of cunning devices
180
00:08:21,280 --> 00:08:25,440
and all the gadgets you're
about to see really were used
in World War Two.
181
00:08:30,240 --> 00:08:32,480
MAN: Psst!
Are you Agent Sophie?
182
00:08:32,520 --> 00:08:33,960
[WHISPERING] Yes, I am she.
183
00:08:36,240 --> 00:08:38,000
Agent Sophie,
welcome to France.
184
00:08:38,040 --> 00:08:40,640
I am Claude, your contact
in the French Resistance.
185
00:08:40,680 --> 00:08:42,960
I understand you have some
instructions for me?
186
00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:44,640
Yes, they're in my suitcase.
187
00:08:47,120 --> 00:08:49,640
-Here you go.
-Uh, wait a minute.
188
00:08:49,680 --> 00:08:51,960
You come all the way
to German-occupied France
189
00:08:52,000 --> 00:08:54,120
to tell me I need a wash
and to brush my teeth?
190
00:08:54,160 --> 00:08:55,440
No, of course not.
191
00:08:56,240 --> 00:08:58,120
Although...
192
00:08:58,160 --> 00:09:00,880
The secret instructions are
hidden inside the soap
and the toothpaste.
193
00:09:00,920 --> 00:09:02,240
They're written on silk.
194
00:09:02,280 --> 00:09:04,200
Oh, this is very clever.
195
00:09:04,240 --> 00:09:07,640
So if the Germans
search your suitcase,
they won't find anything.
196
00:09:07,680 --> 00:09:09,560
-[CHUCKLES] Ingenious.
-We thought so.
197
00:09:09,600 --> 00:09:12,920
So, tell me, what do you have
hidden inside these things?
198
00:09:12,960 --> 00:09:15,080
Well, the hairbrush
contains some spare money
199
00:09:15,120 --> 00:09:17,320
and the chess set
has a map of
France hidden in it,
200
00:09:17,360 --> 00:09:18,680
just in case I lose my way.
201
00:09:18,720 --> 00:09:20,760
Amazing!
You British secret agents
202
00:09:20,800 --> 00:09:22,960
have so many things
hidden inside other things.
203
00:09:23,000 --> 00:09:24,680
It is wonderful.
204
00:09:24,720 --> 00:09:27,680
Oh, but I see you
also have brought
some dinner, and what's this?
205
00:09:27,720 --> 00:09:29,560
Ooh la la, a bottle of wine.
206
00:09:29,600 --> 00:09:31,520
Oh, no, no, no, no.
Be careful with that.
207
00:09:31,560 --> 00:09:33,760
The bottle of wine
is actually a bomb.
208
00:09:33,800 --> 00:09:36,120
Of course it is.
I should have guessed.
209
00:09:36,160 --> 00:09:37,680
Next you'll be telling me
210
00:09:37,720 --> 00:09:40,800
that you have
hidden a machine gun
inside this fish.
211
00:09:40,840 --> 00:09:42,640
Yes. Is it that obvious?
212
00:09:42,680 --> 00:09:45,360
I'll have to tell
the boffins in London
to work on that.
213
00:09:45,400 --> 00:09:47,200
They really are geniuses,
you know.
214
00:09:47,240 --> 00:09:49,680
They've even made mines
that look just
like animal poo.
215
00:09:49,720 --> 00:09:52,040
Ah. So you are telling me
216
00:09:53,920 --> 00:09:56,040
that this cowpat is
actually a landmine.
217
00:09:56,080 --> 00:09:57,200
[SNIFFS]
218
00:09:57,240 --> 00:09:59,600
Oh, it even smells
like the real thing.
219
00:09:59,640 --> 00:10:02,520
No, no, no.
That is an actual cowpat.
220
00:10:02,560 --> 00:10:04,120
I didn't bring that with me.
221
00:10:05,960 --> 00:10:07,720
Will you pass me the soap,
please?
222
00:10:17,680 --> 00:10:20,440
[NARRATOR READING]
223
00:10:20,480 --> 00:10:24,040
We Romans loved
to watch gory gladiators.
224
00:10:24,080 --> 00:10:26,240
Some fought with
a net and trident,
225
00:10:26,280 --> 00:10:30,120
some with
a spear and a shield,
others with two swords.
226
00:10:30,160 --> 00:10:32,960
And then there
were the gladiators
who fought with...
227
00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:34,560
[LAUGHING]
228
00:10:34,600 --> 00:10:37,160
Well, just watch this.
229
00:10:37,200 --> 00:10:40,320
I want you to go out there
and wipe the floor with him.
230
00:10:40,360 --> 00:10:42,280
You want me to wipe
the floor with him?
231
00:10:42,320 --> 00:10:45,000
Don't literally wipe the floor
with him. That's gonna take
ages and look silly.
232
00:10:45,040 --> 00:10:47,320
But go out there
and show him who's boss.
233
00:10:47,360 --> 00:10:49,200
Show him who's boss?
Right, I'm...
234
00:10:49,240 --> 00:10:51,240
No, no,
don't try and give him a job.
235
00:10:51,280 --> 00:10:52,920
Just go out there
and give him a good licking.
236
00:10:52,960 --> 00:10:54,480
You want me to lick him?
237
00:10:54,520 --> 00:10:56,920
Just go out
there and kill him,
you big lug.
238
00:10:56,960 --> 00:10:58,120
Kill him! Yeah!
239
00:10:58,160 --> 00:11:00,360
-Yeah! Now are you ready?
-Yes.
240
00:11:00,400 --> 00:11:03,320
No... Oi!
No, no, no, are you ready?
241
00:11:03,360 --> 00:11:04,800
[YELLING] Yes!
242
00:11:04,840 --> 00:11:06,280
Well, there's your sword.
243
00:11:06,320 --> 00:11:08,320
You've got your shield
and there's your blindfold.
244
00:11:08,360 --> 00:11:09,560
-Now, you go and get him.
-Come on...
245
00:11:09,600 --> 00:11:11,880
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Whoa. Blindfold?
246
00:11:11,920 --> 00:11:13,640
Yeah, well,
you're an Andabatae now.
247
00:11:13,680 --> 00:11:15,720
That's a very
special sort of gladiator
248
00:11:15,760 --> 00:11:18,640
and they fight
with a sword, a shield
and a blindfold.
249
00:11:18,680 --> 00:11:21,240
Can I not just have a sword
and a shield and then...
250
00:11:21,280 --> 00:11:22,640
Well,
that'd make you a Secutores.
251
00:11:22,680 --> 00:11:24,320
Right, I'd like to be
one of those, please.
252
00:11:24,360 --> 00:11:25,800
Problem is, Geoff,
253
00:11:25,840 --> 00:11:28,160
they've already
kind of announced you
as an Andabatae,
254
00:11:28,200 --> 00:11:29,480
so it's a bit awkward.
255
00:11:29,520 --> 00:11:31,640
I mean, your opponent's
an Andabatae as well.
256
00:11:31,680 --> 00:11:34,040
-He'll be wearing a blindfold.
-Oh, that's fair enough, then.
257
00:11:34,080 --> 00:11:35,880
-I'll cut him to pieces!
-Yeah.
258
00:11:35,920 --> 00:11:37,680
-If I can find him.
-[BOTH LAUGHING]
259
00:11:39,040 --> 00:11:40,880
Right, well,
go on then, give him hell.
260
00:11:40,920 --> 00:11:43,000
Yeah. Come on then!
261
00:11:43,040 --> 00:11:44,640
Wait, left a bit.
There you go.
262
00:11:44,680 --> 00:11:45,840
Oh.
263
00:11:45,880 --> 00:11:47,720
[SPECTATORS CHEERING]
264
00:11:47,760 --> 00:11:51,520
Left a bit.
Left a bit. Little bit more.
265
00:11:51,560 --> 00:11:54,880
Get...
Oh, not as far as... Oh, oh.
266
00:11:54,920 --> 00:11:57,040
I do not want to see that.
267
00:11:57,080 --> 00:11:58,560
Anyone got a blindfold?
268
00:11:58,600 --> 00:12:01,520
That's 100% accu-rat.
269
00:12:01,560 --> 00:12:04,720
Andabatae were blindfolded
and pushed towards each other
270
00:12:04,760 --> 00:12:06,320
by people with sticks.
271
00:12:06,360 --> 00:12:09,680
That's right...
[GRUNTING] Excuse me!
272
00:12:09,720 --> 00:12:12,400
Until one of them managed
to kill their opponent,
273
00:12:12,440 --> 00:12:13,880
wherever they were.
274
00:12:13,920 --> 00:12:15,720
The worst thing about it?
It was winner stays on.
275
00:12:15,760 --> 00:12:16,880
[GRUNTS]
276
00:12:16,920 --> 00:12:19,080
Oh, yeah.
277
00:12:19,120 --> 00:12:21,840
And there were
even sillier ways
to die in Roman times.
278
00:12:24,520 --> 00:12:26,560
# Stupid deaths, stupid deaths
279
00:12:26,600 --> 00:12:29,320
# They're funny
'cause they're true, whoo!
280
00:12:29,360 --> 00:12:31,440
# Stupid deaths, stupid deaths
281
00:12:31,480 --> 00:12:34,800
# Hope next time it's not you
Hee-hee #
282
00:12:34,840 --> 00:12:36,280
[SIGHS] Next!
283
00:12:37,800 --> 00:12:42,720
Hello, I'm Diodorus.
Um, the Hunchback.
284
00:12:42,760 --> 00:12:44,360
You don't look
much like a hunchback.
285
00:12:44,400 --> 00:12:46,880
Oh, yes, um,
that's why I'm here, really.
286
00:12:46,920 --> 00:12:49,440
Ooh, interesting.
287
00:12:49,480 --> 00:12:51,960
I'm all ears. Entertain me.
288
00:12:52,000 --> 00:12:56,440
Well, I'd been a hunchback for
years, so I'd given up
all hope of any cure,
289
00:12:56,480 --> 00:13:00,360
but then I met Dr Socles
and he's a Greek
medical expert.
290
00:13:00,400 --> 00:13:02,840
And he said that he could fix
my crooked spine.
291
00:13:02,880 --> 00:13:06,040
Ooh, this sounds like
it's gonna be good.
292
00:13:06,080 --> 00:13:11,080
He told me to lie on my
stomach and hold my breath
and close my eyes,
293
00:13:11,120 --> 00:13:13,560
and then he put
three massive stones
on my back.
294
00:13:13,600 --> 00:13:15,320
[CHUCKLES] And?
295
00:13:15,360 --> 00:13:18,160
And when I opened
my eyes, I was cured.
296
00:13:18,200 --> 00:13:19,560
Oh, dear.
297
00:13:19,600 --> 00:13:21,240
But unfortunately,
I was also dead.
298
00:13:21,280 --> 00:13:23,560
Hooray! [LAUGHING]
299
00:13:23,600 --> 00:13:26,680
Squished by Dr Socles' stones.
They'd crushed my spine.
300
00:13:26,720 --> 00:13:30,040
[LAUGHING] That's hilarious.
301
00:13:30,080 --> 00:13:33,240
Ooh, have you met my flatmate,
Diodorus?
302
00:13:34,320 --> 00:13:37,080
"Flat mate", get it?
303
00:13:37,120 --> 00:13:39,640
Oh, dear,
you're through
to the afterlife.
304
00:13:39,680 --> 00:13:40,880
-Oh, thank you.
-Well done.
305
00:13:40,920 --> 00:13:43,080
-[PATTING BACK] Off you pop.
-Ah! Ow!
306
00:13:43,120 --> 00:13:45,720
Do you know, oh,
I love my job sometimes.
307
00:13:45,760 --> 00:13:47,760
I do, I really do.
308
00:13:48,200 --> 00:13:49,520
Next!
309
00:13:49,560 --> 00:13:51,600
# Stupid deaths, stupid deaths
310
00:13:51,640 --> 00:13:54,640
# Hope next time it's not you
Hoo-hoo #
311
00:13:56,440 --> 00:13:58,120
[NARRATOR READING]
312
00:13:59,680 --> 00:14:01,120
Ow, my head.
313
00:14:01,160 --> 00:14:02,880
[SHOUTING] Do you
suffer from headaches?
314
00:14:02,920 --> 00:14:05,160
Yes,
I do, and you're not helping.
315
00:14:05,200 --> 00:14:06,800
[SOFTLY] Do you
suffer from headaches?
316
00:14:06,840 --> 00:14:08,360
That's better. Yes, yes, I do.
317
00:14:08,400 --> 00:14:11,360
Need something
fast and effective
to relieve the pain?
318
00:14:11,400 --> 00:14:12,760
Yes, I do.
319
00:14:12,800 --> 00:14:15,360
[SHOUTING] Then why not try
the latest Saxon cure,
320
00:14:15,400 --> 00:14:18,600
Bag-O-Swallow-Chick-
Stomach-Stones. Yes!
321
00:14:21,360 --> 00:14:22,600
It's simple.
322
00:14:22,640 --> 00:14:24,880
Just find a couple
of swallow chicks,
323
00:14:24,920 --> 00:14:28,400
cut them open and look
for little stones
in their stomach.
324
00:14:29,760 --> 00:14:32,320
Ugh, this is disgusting.
325
00:14:32,360 --> 00:14:34,040
-Now what?
-Obvious!
326
00:14:34,080 --> 00:14:38,720
Just sew them
into a little bag
and pop it on your head.
327
00:14:38,760 --> 00:14:41,320
-Are you sure about this?
-Sure I'm sure.
328
00:14:41,360 --> 00:14:44,760
Just keep the bag on
till the headache's gone.
329
00:14:44,800 --> 00:14:48,240
And no sudden movements
or the bag may fall off.
330
00:14:48,280 --> 00:14:52,440
MAN: Vikings are coming.
Run for your life!
331
00:14:52,480 --> 00:14:54,480
[READING]
332
00:14:54,520 --> 00:14:56,080
Uh, the Vikings are coming.
333
00:14:56,120 --> 00:14:58,600
It'll even cure people
plagued by goblins.
334
00:14:58,640 --> 00:15:00,480
Yes,
but will they cure Vikings?
335
00:15:00,520 --> 00:15:02,080
[MAN READING]
336
00:15:04,200 --> 00:15:05,480
No. Run away!
337
00:15:05,520 --> 00:15:07,680
[SCREAMING]
338
00:15:07,720 --> 00:15:09,440
I've still got that headache,
you know.
339
00:15:09,480 --> 00:15:11,520
VIKING: Soon you won't
have a head to ache.
340
00:15:11,560 --> 00:15:13,160
[WOMAN SCREAMING]
341
00:15:13,200 --> 00:15:15,360
[NARRATOR READING]
342
00:15:26,400 --> 00:15:28,920
The answer is B
343
00:15:28,960 --> 00:15:32,320
Horse droppings,
baked dry and
rubbed into a powder.
344
00:15:32,360 --> 00:15:33,960
And if you think that's weird,
345
00:15:34,000 --> 00:15:36,880
Saxons also
believed having a pig
on your battle helmet
346
00:15:36,920 --> 00:15:38,080
would bring you good luck.
347
00:15:39,160 --> 00:15:41,880
Helmets,
get your shiny helmets.
348
00:15:41,920 --> 00:15:43,040
All right, mate?
349
00:15:43,080 --> 00:15:45,480
I'd like
a refund for this helmet
you sold me.
350
00:15:45,520 --> 00:15:47,000
What seems to be the problem?
351
00:15:47,040 --> 00:15:48,680
Well, I bought it because
it's got a pig on the top.
352
00:15:48,720 --> 00:15:51,200
Yeah, well,
it's a very popular choice.
353
00:15:51,240 --> 00:15:53,880
Pig is a favourite animal
of our Saxon god Frey.
354
00:15:53,920 --> 00:15:55,320
But you assured me...
355
00:15:55,360 --> 00:15:57,280
I mean,
this helmet would
bring me good luck.
356
00:15:57,320 --> 00:15:59,120
-Yeah, well, it does.
-Yeah?
357
00:15:59,160 --> 00:16:01,240
Well, explain this.
358
00:16:01,280 --> 00:16:03,840
Oh. Oh, that is nasty.
359
00:16:03,880 --> 00:16:05,760
Tell you what,
I'll get you a refund.
360
00:16:09,680 --> 00:16:11,280
Where did he go?
361
00:16:14,160 --> 00:16:16,320
[WOMAN READING]
362
00:16:17,600 --> 00:16:19,840
[MAN READING]
363
00:16:25,320 --> 00:16:26,400
[FARTS]
364
00:16:29,160 --> 00:16:33,360
The word "Wednesday" is named
after Woden,
the chief Saxon god.
365
00:16:33,400 --> 00:16:34,960
He's also the god of poets.
366
00:16:35,000 --> 00:16:36,520
Now, here's something odd.
367
00:16:36,560 --> 00:16:40,040
He owned a horse
with eight legs
and wings so it flew.
368
00:16:40,080 --> 00:16:41,880
The weather
forecast for tomorrow,
369
00:16:41,920 --> 00:16:43,600
downpours of horse poo.
370
00:16:43,640 --> 00:16:44,960
[LAUGHING]
371
00:16:47,880 --> 00:16:50,400
[NARRATOR READING]
372
00:16:50,440 --> 00:16:54,840
In 1520,
King Henry VIII of England
met Francis I of France
373
00:16:54,880 --> 00:16:57,960
in a celebration of peace
between the two countries.
374
00:16:58,000 --> 00:16:59,680
What could possibly go wrong?
375
00:17:01,960 --> 00:17:05,520
MAN:
Welcome toHorrible Histories
World Wrestling.
376
00:17:05,560 --> 00:17:08,040
We are ringside at
the Field of
the Cloth of Gold,
377
00:17:08,080 --> 00:17:11,120
live from France in 1520 AD.
378
00:17:11,160 --> 00:17:14,680
Two of
the greatest Tudor monarchs
go head to head,
379
00:17:14,720 --> 00:17:18,560
King versus King,
in a really royal rumble.
380
00:17:18,600 --> 00:17:20,080
So let's meet the wrestlers.
381
00:17:20,120 --> 00:17:23,240
King Francis I of France,
King of bling.
382
00:17:23,280 --> 00:17:26,480
He may not be big,
but he's fast and
he sure is pretty.
383
00:17:26,520 --> 00:17:28,720
Pardon.
Is there going to be a fight?
384
00:17:28,760 --> 00:17:31,920
It was my understanding that
we were all here to
celebrate the peace
385
00:17:31,960 --> 00:17:33,760
between our two great nations,
386
00:17:33,800 --> 00:17:36,000
with the music, art, dancing.
387
00:17:36,040 --> 00:17:38,000
MAN: And fighting!
388
00:17:38,040 --> 00:17:42,360
Okay. Uh, normally I have
soldiers to do that sort of
thing for me, so...
389
00:17:42,400 --> 00:17:44,480
MAN: Well, not today,
390
00:17:44,520 --> 00:17:48,960
because you're going one on
one with Henry VIII,
reigning King of England.
391
00:17:49,000 --> 00:17:52,120
He's six foot two inches,
a little over 120 kilos
392
00:17:52,160 --> 00:17:53,560
and not all of it muscle.
393
00:17:53,600 --> 00:17:55,640
Oi, I heard that.
394
00:17:55,680 --> 00:17:57,680
And if you think
Henry's stats are impressive,
395
00:17:57,720 --> 00:18:00,200
just check out his
tent for the event.
396
00:18:00,240 --> 00:18:03,760
It's as big as a palace,
100 metres long,
100 metres wide.
397
00:18:03,800 --> 00:18:08,120
It's got its own chapel,
35 priests and two fountains
flowing with wine.
398
00:18:08,160 --> 00:18:10,240
I've been
fighting all my life,
399
00:18:10,280 --> 00:18:13,080
but this is the big one.
400
00:18:13,120 --> 00:18:14,960
I am going to take you down.
401
00:18:15,000 --> 00:18:17,080
I am going to tear you apart.
402
00:18:17,120 --> 00:18:19,200
I'm going to
rip your legs off.
403
00:18:19,240 --> 00:18:21,160
Is this really necessary?
404
00:18:21,200 --> 00:18:24,440
Aren't we meant
to be celebrating
the long, historic friendship
405
00:18:24,480 --> 00:18:25,960
between our two peoples?
406
00:18:26,000 --> 00:18:29,160
What better way to celebrate
the peace than with a fight?
407
00:18:29,200 --> 00:18:31,880
MAN: Well, the tension here
is almost unbearable.
408
00:18:31,920 --> 00:18:33,880
-[BELL DINGS]
-And here we go,
409
00:18:33,920 --> 00:18:37,520
for the biggest,
longest, most gruelling
wrestling match in history.
410
00:18:37,560 --> 00:18:39,240
[PEOPLE CHEERING]
411
00:18:40,240 --> 00:18:41,680
It's all over.
412
00:18:41,720 --> 00:18:45,080
Alors,who's for some art,
music and dancing?
413
00:18:46,400 --> 00:18:47,640
Best of three.
414
00:18:51,120 --> 00:18:52,440
Bon!
415
00:18:52,480 --> 00:18:56,720
It's true!
Francis I beat Henry
by tripping him up. Ha!
416
00:18:56,760 --> 00:18:58,640
Henry was a really bad loser.
417
00:18:58,680 --> 00:19:01,160
He always liked
to get his own way,
did Henry.
418
00:19:01,200 --> 00:19:03,520
So just imagine
how well it went down
419
00:19:03,560 --> 00:19:07,080
when the Pope told him
he couldn't get a divorce.
Ooh.
420
00:19:07,120 --> 00:19:11,040
I'm imagining it.
I'm imagining it.
I'm imagining it!
421
00:19:11,600 --> 00:19:12,680
HENRY VIII: Oh.
422
00:19:12,720 --> 00:19:15,440
[HUMMING]
423
00:19:17,680 --> 00:19:21,200
Oh, yes.[LAUGHS]
424
00:19:21,240 --> 00:19:23,480
-Yes,
I'm still a handsome devil.
-[DINGS]
425
00:19:23,520 --> 00:19:25,640
Oh, what's this?
426
00:19:25,680 --> 00:19:28,400
Could it be that my dear wife
Catherine has given birth?
427
00:19:28,440 --> 00:19:31,040
Oh, she has. Please be a boy.
428
00:19:31,080 --> 00:19:33,680
Please be a boy.
Please be a boy.
429
00:19:33,720 --> 00:19:35,280
-[FANFARE ON COMPUTER]
-Oh, no!
430
00:19:35,840 --> 00:19:37,560
Oh, no.
431
00:19:37,600 --> 00:19:41,360
Why has God forsaken me
with only lady babies?
432
00:19:41,400 --> 00:19:44,560
No, I must have a male heir.
433
00:19:44,600 --> 00:19:47,080
A queen on the English throne
would be disastrous.
434
00:19:47,120 --> 00:19:50,000
I mean, girls are too silly
to rule countries.
435
00:19:50,040 --> 00:19:51,360
This is all my wife's fault.
436
00:19:51,400 --> 00:19:53,560
I'm going to divorce her.
No, worse.
437
00:19:53,600 --> 00:19:56,280
I'm going to drop her
from my top eight on Yebo
438
00:19:56,320 --> 00:19:58,360
and then I'm
going to divorce her.
439
00:19:58,400 --> 00:20:01,880
Yes, see how she likes that.
440
00:20:01,920 --> 00:20:04,480
-There we go.
Take that, you...
-[DINGS]
441
00:20:04,520 --> 00:20:08,000
Oh, no.
That's put the King of France
in my top eight.
442
00:20:08,720 --> 00:20:10,440
And he's an idiot.
443
00:20:10,480 --> 00:20:13,960
Right, I'm going to
have to completely
rearrange my friends list now.
444
00:20:14,000 --> 00:20:15,640
[RINGING]
445
00:20:15,680 --> 00:20:17,160
[GRUNTS] The Pope.
446
00:20:18,000 --> 00:20:19,400
What does he want?
447
00:20:21,200 --> 00:20:23,800
Ah, Your Holiness.
Hello to you.
448
00:20:23,840 --> 00:20:28,240
Uh, I thought you were
languishing in a rat-infested
Spanish dungeon.
449
00:20:28,280 --> 00:20:29,640
[LAUGHS]
450
00:20:29,680 --> 00:20:33,160
I am, but it has excellent
wi-fi coverage.
451
00:20:34,320 --> 00:20:36,200
Henry, is it true?
452
00:20:36,240 --> 00:20:39,240
You dropped the Queen
from your top eight on Yebo?
453
00:20:39,280 --> 00:20:41,160
Yes, it's true.
454
00:20:41,200 --> 00:20:43,280
She bore me
the wrong kind of baby.
455
00:20:43,320 --> 00:20:47,200
I specifically
asked for a boy. Mmm.
456
00:20:47,240 --> 00:20:49,840
So I'd like to divorce her,
if that's okay with you.
457
00:20:49,880 --> 00:20:53,880
What? No! No, absolutely not!
458
00:20:53,920 --> 00:20:55,800
HENRY VIII:
Well, it's too late.
459
00:20:55,840 --> 00:20:59,160
I'm looking on tudorbrides.com
as we speak.
460
00:20:59,200 --> 00:21:03,080
-But Henry, now listen to me.
-There we go. Here's one.
461
00:21:03,120 --> 00:21:04,520
[READING]
462
00:21:14,400 --> 00:21:17,520
Well,
I must marry her right away.
463
00:21:17,560 --> 00:21:22,680
Henry, the Catholic Church
unremittingly refuses your
request for a divorce.
464
00:21:22,720 --> 00:21:24,200
Oh, really?
465
00:21:24,240 --> 00:21:26,720
Well, I'm just going to
set up my own church,
466
00:21:26,760 --> 00:21:28,560
if you're going
to be like that.
467
00:21:28,600 --> 00:21:30,360
What are you talking about?
You can't set up
your own church.
468
00:21:30,400 --> 00:21:32,680
You need
scriptures and a dogma.
469
00:21:32,720 --> 00:21:35,120
[LAUGHING]
470
00:21:35,160 --> 00:21:39,480
That is...so 1529.
471
00:21:39,520 --> 00:21:42,000
You can do it all online now.
Yeah.
472
00:21:42,040 --> 00:21:44,040
Yep, there we go.[LAUGHS]
473
00:21:45,360 --> 00:21:48,640
Church of Henry.
Yes, that's it.
474
00:21:48,680 --> 00:21:49,960
Oh, it's gone.
475
00:21:50,000 --> 00:21:52,240
Henry, I implore you,
476
00:21:52,280 --> 00:21:54,160
please, think of the...
477
00:21:54,200 --> 00:21:57,520
Think of the implications,
the damage it
will cause, Henry.
478
00:21:57,560 --> 00:22:00,960
Church of England,
yep, that'll do.
[LAUGHS]
479
00:22:01,000 --> 00:22:03,040
Henry, please, listen to me.
480
00:22:03,080 --> 00:22:04,600
I'm the Pope.
481
00:22:04,640 --> 00:22:06,480
Henry! Henry!
482
00:22:06,520 --> 00:22:08,240
-Sorry, Your Holiness.
-I'm the Pope.
483
00:22:08,280 --> 00:22:11,240
Gotta go,
email just popped in.
It might be from Anne Boleyn.
484
00:22:11,280 --> 00:22:12,440
Well, see you later.
485
00:22:15,880 --> 00:22:18,800
Oh, what does this idiot want?
486
00:22:18,840 --> 00:22:21,680
King of France, indeed.
487
00:22:21,720 --> 00:22:24,920
Oh, he sent me a virus.
Very clever.
488
00:22:24,960 --> 00:22:27,520
Well done, yeah.
[EXHALES] Idiot!
489
00:22:28,960 --> 00:22:30,640
[NARRATOR READING]
490
00:22:32,680 --> 00:22:35,160
We Incas were discovered
in South America
491
00:22:35,200 --> 00:22:38,440
in the 1500s by
Spanish explorers,
492
00:22:38,480 --> 00:22:42,440
and it turned
out they were after
more than just our friendship.
493
00:22:43,720 --> 00:22:46,080
Hola.
Welcome to Very Rough Guides.
494
00:22:49,600 --> 00:22:53,720
It's 1526,
and I am Spanish explorer
Francisco Pizzaro.
495
00:22:53,760 --> 00:22:57,000
-This is my
right-hand man, Pedro.
-Hola.
496
00:22:57,040 --> 00:22:59,280
Today's programme is all about
visiting Peru.
497
00:22:59,320 --> 00:23:02,000
-And stealing
all of their gold.
-Pedro, please.
498
00:23:02,040 --> 00:23:04,160
Don't talk about stealing
the gold, okay? [LAUGHS]
499
00:23:04,200 --> 00:23:06,120
-Sorry, boss.
-Okay.
500
00:23:06,160 --> 00:23:07,960
The journey here
was very simple.
501
00:23:08,000 --> 00:23:11,880
All we had to do
was sail 5,000 miles
from Spain to Panama,
502
00:23:11,920 --> 00:23:13,920
travel over land
through the dense jungle,
503
00:23:13,960 --> 00:23:17,600
then build a whole new boat
and sail down
the coast to Peru.
504
00:23:17,640 --> 00:23:19,400
It only took us
two and a half years.
505
00:23:19,440 --> 00:23:21,480
Easy peasy, squeeze the lemon.
506
00:23:21,520 --> 00:23:23,560
And now we are going
to meet some local Incas,
507
00:23:23,600 --> 00:23:26,640
see how they live and find out
about their
magnificent culture.
508
00:23:26,680 --> 00:23:28,360
-And steal all their gold.
-Pedro, please.
509
00:23:28,400 --> 00:23:30,400
Don't mention the stealing
the gold, okay?
510
00:23:33,880 --> 00:23:37,120
When we met them, the
local Incas couldn't have
been more welcoming.
511
00:23:37,160 --> 00:23:40,000
-Children of the sun.
-Oh, yeah!
512
00:23:40,040 --> 00:23:41,840
-Hello.
-Welcome.
513
00:23:41,880 --> 00:23:44,160
PIZZARO:
They thought we were sun gods
because of the way the sun
514
00:23:44,200 --> 00:23:46,160
reflected off
our steel armour.
515
00:23:46,200 --> 00:23:49,840
Why not take us sun gods
to see all your lovely gold,
516
00:23:49,880 --> 00:23:51,440
so we can steal it?
517
00:23:51,480 --> 00:23:53,480
Pedro,
I told you not to mention
the gold, okay?
518
00:23:53,520 --> 00:23:54,760
What is wrong with you?
519
00:23:54,800 --> 00:23:57,640
Do you want to pop in?
Follow us.
520
00:24:03,680 --> 00:24:07,200
PIZZARO: The Incans have some
very unusual
attitudes to wealth.
521
00:24:07,240 --> 00:24:10,680
I'm an Incan Chief.
I'm very rich.
522
00:24:10,720 --> 00:24:13,360
Wonderful.
How very rich, exactly?
523
00:24:13,400 --> 00:24:19,040
Very rich. I have many wives,
many children,
many grandchildren.
524
00:24:19,080 --> 00:24:20,400
-What about gold?
-Pedro, please.
525
00:24:20,440 --> 00:24:22,080
Yes, we've got lots of gold,
526
00:24:22,120 --> 00:24:24,800
but I don't see
what that's got
to do with being rich.
527
00:24:24,840 --> 00:24:26,720
Oh, nothing at all.
Don't worry about it.
528
00:24:26,760 --> 00:24:27,960
It's not a problem. [CHUCKLES]
529
00:24:28,600 --> 00:24:29,960
Okay. No, I...
530
00:24:32,400 --> 00:24:35,320
It's brilliant.
In Peru, there is so much gold
531
00:24:35,360 --> 00:24:37,600
the Incans don't
really value it.
[LAUGHING]
532
00:24:37,640 --> 00:24:40,760
For them,
your family, your followers
are your real riches, huh.
533
00:24:40,800 --> 00:24:44,760
No, no, don't...
Okay. Gold is worthless.
534
00:24:44,800 --> 00:24:46,960
-Okay, we're going
to go now, so bye.
-Bye.
535
00:24:47,000 --> 00:24:48,880
-Bye-bye.
-Nice to meet you.
536
00:24:48,920 --> 00:24:50,440
-Ta-ta.
-Okay.
537
00:24:51,120 --> 00:24:52,920
Walk, don't run.
538
00:24:52,960 --> 00:24:54,400
Well, they seem very nice.
539
00:24:54,440 --> 00:24:56,680
PIZZARO: I really recommend
a visit to Peru.
540
00:24:56,720 --> 00:24:59,600
My first trip has only cost me
100,000 pesos,
541
00:24:59,640 --> 00:25:03,080
but next time I
will bring extra troops
and I will make millions, huh,
542
00:25:03,120 --> 00:25:04,360
from stealing all their gold.
543
00:25:04,400 --> 00:25:06,840
-Shh!
-What? Don't you push me.
544
00:25:06,880 --> 00:25:10,160
-Yeah, but you said...
-What? It's okay now. Huh?
545
00:25:10,200 --> 00:25:11,920
Do you see Incas around? No.
546
00:25:11,960 --> 00:25:14,200
-What is wrong
with you all the time?
-Why do you have to push me...
547
00:25:17,320 --> 00:25:22,200
Pizzaro grew up in Spain as a
poor boy whose job it was to
look after the pigs.
548
00:25:22,240 --> 00:25:24,600
It's said that his parents
ran away and left him,
549
00:25:24,640 --> 00:25:26,440
and he was
brought up by a sow.
550
00:25:26,480 --> 00:25:27,880
Imagine that.
551
00:25:27,920 --> 00:25:31,880
Eh, Pizzaro,
your room looks like a pigsty.
552
00:25:31,920 --> 00:25:34,440
Well done, son. [SNORTS]
553
00:25:34,480 --> 00:25:36,320
[LAUGHING]
554
00:25:36,360 --> 00:25:38,680
But it wasn't
just the Spaniards
who were ruthless,
555
00:25:38,720 --> 00:25:41,080
so were some of the Incas.
556
00:25:41,120 --> 00:25:44,720
WOMAN: And now on
Horrible Histories,
a music video exclusive.
557
00:25:44,760 --> 00:25:48,720
It's the Incan Lord Pachacuti
withThe Pachacuti Song.
558
00:25:54,840 --> 00:25:57,960
# I'm Pachacuti,
the Incan Lord
559
00:25:58,000 --> 00:26:00,960
# All other tribes dread it
560
00:26:01,000 --> 00:26:04,120
# My name means
"he who shakes the earth"
561
00:26:04,160 --> 00:26:07,200
# Not that I'm big-headed
562
00:26:07,240 --> 00:26:10,320
# When it comes to
claiming nearby lands
563
00:26:10,360 --> 00:26:13,440
# I was the type to risk it
564
00:26:13,480 --> 00:26:19,800
# But it's how I
treat dead enemies
that really took the biscuit
565
00:26:19,840 --> 00:26:22,960
# I drink from their skull
# Do the Pachacuti
566
00:26:23,000 --> 00:26:26,040
# Pull out their teeth whole
# Do the Pachacuti
567
00:26:26,080 --> 00:26:29,240
# Turn teeth into charms
# Do the Pachacuti
568
00:26:29,280 --> 00:26:32,440
# And make flutes
out of their arms
# Pachacuti
569
00:26:38,240 --> 00:26:44,320
# Once on a hillside,
my troops hid
to cause a rival strife
570
00:26:44,360 --> 00:26:47,480
# And when they jumped out
it looked like
571
00:26:47,520 --> 00:26:50,600
# The ground had come to life
572
00:26:50,640 --> 00:26:56,760
# "The rocks,
they are my warriors,"
I then used to boast
573
00:26:56,800 --> 00:27:00,000
# And that little
lie helped us win wars
574
00:27:00,040 --> 00:27:03,120
# But violence helped the most
575
00:27:03,160 --> 00:27:06,240
# I drink from their skull
# Do the Pachacuti
576
00:27:06,280 --> 00:27:09,360
# Pull out their teeth whole
# Do the Pachacuti
577
00:27:09,400 --> 00:27:12,600
# Turn teeth into charms
# Do the Pachacuti
578
00:27:12,640 --> 00:27:15,800
# Make flutes
out of their arms
# Pachacuti
579
00:27:15,840 --> 00:27:18,360
# If you were a rival chief
580
00:27:18,400 --> 00:27:21,520
# We'd kill you first and then
581
00:27:21,560 --> 00:27:24,680
# We'd stuff you
like a scarecrow
582
00:27:24,720 --> 00:27:26,680
# But one for scaring men
583
00:27:26,720 --> 00:27:28,800
[SCREAMS]
584
00:27:28,840 --> 00:27:34,120
# Then we'd rest your bony
fingers on the stretched
skin of your belly
585
00:27:34,160 --> 00:27:36,880
# And in the breeze,
they'd tap that tum
586
00:27:36,920 --> 00:27:40,520
# Like a drummer,
but more smelly
587
00:27:40,560 --> 00:27:43,360
# I drink from their skull
# Do the Pachacuti
588
00:27:43,400 --> 00:27:46,360
# Pull out their teeth whole
# Do the Pachacuti
589
00:27:46,400 --> 00:27:49,640
# Use their skin as a drum
# Do the Pachacuti
590
00:27:49,680 --> 00:27:53,880
# I've never had so much fun
# Pachacuti #
591
00:27:53,920 --> 00:27:56,560
# Tall tales, atrocious acts
We gave you all
the fearsome facts
592
00:27:56,600 --> 00:27:59,400
# The ugly truth, no glam or
glitz We showed you
all the juicy bits
593
00:27:59,440 --> 00:28:02,120
# Gory,
ghastly, mean and cruel
594
00:28:02,160 --> 00:28:04,760
# Stuff they don't
teach you at school
595
00:28:04,800 --> 00:28:07,640
# The past is no
longer a mystery
596
00:28:07,680 --> 00:28:11,720
# Hope you enjoyed
Horrible Histories #
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