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00:00:06,160 --> 00:00:08,920
# Terrible Tudors,
gorgeous Georgians
Slimy Stuarts, vile Victorians
2
00:00:08,960 --> 00:00:11,640
# Woeful wars,
ferocious fights
Dingy castles, daring knights
3
00:00:11,680 --> 00:00:13,040
# Horrors that
defy description
4
00:00:13,080 --> 00:00:14,560
Cut-throat Celts,
awful Egyptians
5
00:00:14,600 --> 00:00:17,200
# Vicious Vikings, cruel crime
Punishments from ancient times
6
00:00:17,240 --> 00:00:18,600
# Roman,
rotten, rank and ruthless
7
00:00:18,640 --> 00:00:20,240
Cavemen,
savage, fierce and toothless
8
00:00:20,280 --> 00:00:22,600
# Groovy Greeks,
reigning stages
# Mean and measley Middle Ages
9
00:00:22,640 --> 00:00:25,400
# Gory stories, we do that
10
00:00:25,440 --> 00:00:28,000
# And your host a talking rat
11
00:00:28,040 --> 00:00:30,880
# The past is no
longer a mystery
12
00:00:30,920 --> 00:00:36,520
# Welcome to
Horrible Histories #
13
00:00:38,680 --> 00:00:40,720
[NARRATOR READING]
14
00:00:41,920 --> 00:00:44,720
We Romans really
could be rotten.
15
00:00:44,760 --> 00:00:47,000
And there's
nothing we liked more
16
00:00:47,040 --> 00:00:50,520
than being
horrible to Christians.
17
00:00:50,560 --> 00:00:56,400
Hello and welcome
to I'm a Christian,
Get Me Out of Here.
18
00:00:56,440 --> 00:00:59,120
So far,
Rome has seen Christians
stoned to death,
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00:00:59,160 --> 00:01:02,880
beheaded, crucified, mauled
by boar, bear and leopard
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00:01:02,920 --> 00:01:04,680
and,
of course, eaten by lions.
21
00:01:04,720 --> 00:01:06,760
Now, that's what I call
Roman entertainment.
22
00:01:06,800 --> 00:01:10,120
I can hardly wait to find out
what happens to
today's prisoners.
23
00:01:10,160 --> 00:01:12,160
Let's go and meet them.
Come on.
24
00:01:12,200 --> 00:01:14,120
Hail, Christians!
25
00:01:14,160 --> 00:01:16,000
Now, we've got
some really horrible
26
00:01:16,040 --> 00:01:17,800
tortures for you
lined up today.
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00:01:17,840 --> 00:01:20,080
But,
remember, all you have to do,
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00:01:20,120 --> 00:01:22,600
if you wanna be freed,
is shout,
29
00:01:22,640 --> 00:01:25,000
"I'm a Christian,
get me out of here!"
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00:01:25,040 --> 00:01:26,680
And you also have to say
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00:01:26,720 --> 00:01:30,520
that our Roman gods are better
than your one
Christian God, okay?
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00:01:30,560 --> 00:01:32,520
Now does any of youse
wanna say that now?
33
00:01:32,560 --> 00:01:35,920
No, we're good Christians.
We won't reject our religion.
34
00:01:35,960 --> 00:01:38,800
Brilliant!
I hate it when they give in,
no gory stuff.
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00:01:38,840 --> 00:01:41,960
Right, let's find
out who's first up.
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00:01:42,000 --> 00:01:45,640
Blandena, love, I can tell you
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00:01:45,680 --> 00:01:48,960
that the next Christian
to face the trial is not...
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00:01:50,160 --> 00:01:52,760
Not... Not...
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00:01:54,400 --> 00:01:58,720
Not you, so it is you!
[LAUGHING] I love doing that.
40
00:01:58,760 --> 00:02:00,640
-That's really cruel.
-Yeah, I know.
41
00:02:00,680 --> 00:02:03,680
But it's not as
cruel as your next trial
which is gonna place you
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00:02:03,720 --> 00:02:08,040
in a huge
catapult and fling you
high above the city.
43
00:02:08,080 --> 00:02:09,440
Don't worry you might survive.
44
00:02:09,480 --> 00:02:10,760
Good.
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00:02:10,800 --> 00:02:13,120
But if you do, a Roman soldier
will come up to you
46
00:02:13,160 --> 00:02:14,480
and finish you
off with his sword.
47
00:02:14,520 --> 00:02:15,800
That's not fair.
48
00:02:15,840 --> 00:02:19,320
I know, off you go, pet.
Come on, get out.
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00:02:19,360 --> 00:02:22,480
After the break,
we'll be taking
our next Christian prisoner
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00:02:22,520 --> 00:02:25,680
and put him in this barrel
and rolling him down a hill.
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00:02:25,720 --> 00:02:27,240
That doesn't sound too bad.
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00:02:27,280 --> 00:02:30,880
Whoops,
did I forget to mention?
The spikes.
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00:02:30,920 --> 00:02:35,240
BLANDENA: I'm a Christian,
get me out of here!
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00:02:35,280 --> 00:02:38,720
A bit for that one, Blandena.
And remember, kids,
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00:02:38,760 --> 00:02:41,360
being a Christian in Rome
can seriously
damage your health.
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00:02:43,960 --> 00:02:47,760
Emperor Nero was
particularly nasty
to Christians.
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00:02:47,800 --> 00:02:50,760
Maybe not
surprising when you hear
how he treated people
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00:02:50,800 --> 00:02:52,720
he was supposed to care about.
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00:02:55,160 --> 00:02:57,760
I now pronounce
you Emperor and wife.
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00:02:57,800 --> 00:03:00,520
Emperor Nero,
you may kiss the bride.
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00:03:00,560 --> 00:03:03,360
You lucky, lucky thing.
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00:03:03,400 --> 00:03:06,560
NARRATOR: He was the man
who had everything.
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00:03:06,600 --> 00:03:08,440
Land.
Love you.
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00:03:08,480 --> 00:03:09,960
Power.
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00:03:10,000 --> 00:03:11,960
Hail me!
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00:03:12,000 --> 00:03:15,880
Grapes, a lot of grapes.
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00:03:15,920 --> 00:03:18,480
And the woman of his dreams.
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00:03:18,520 --> 00:03:19,840
I love you, darling.
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00:03:19,880 --> 00:03:21,240
I don't blame you.
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00:03:21,280 --> 00:03:24,240
Then, one day,
possibly while
shopping for grapes...
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00:03:24,280 --> 00:03:27,160
I'm not paying for these.
It's my empire, my rules.
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00:03:27,200 --> 00:03:29,600
Nero met
the woman of his dreams.
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00:03:31,080 --> 00:03:32,720
Yes, another one.
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00:03:33,560 --> 00:03:34,960
Who is that?
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00:03:36,000 --> 00:03:38,120
Do you wanna go out with me?
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00:03:38,160 --> 00:03:39,960
Won't your wife mind?
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00:03:40,000 --> 00:03:42,080
Shouldn't think so.
Do you mind?
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00:03:42,120 --> 00:03:43,520
Yes, I mind!
79
00:03:44,840 --> 00:03:47,360
Hmm,
you can never second guess
these things.
80
00:03:47,400 --> 00:03:51,600
But Nero was
prepared to do anything
to be with the woman he loved.
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00:03:51,640 --> 00:03:53,360
No, no, the other one.
82
00:03:54,920 --> 00:03:57,440
Yeah, yeah, that one, there.
83
00:03:57,480 --> 00:04:01,920
I need a sign,
something to show
that you love me now, not her.
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00:04:01,960 --> 00:04:04,280
Right. Well,
something more than grapes?
85
00:04:04,320 --> 00:04:06,560
Because I've got
loads of grapes.
86
00:04:06,600 --> 00:04:08,440
Yes,
something more than grapes!
87
00:04:08,480 --> 00:04:10,240
Right.
88
00:04:11,680 --> 00:04:13,120
Uh...
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00:04:13,160 --> 00:04:18,280
This summer,
one Emperor will prove
that love is a gift.
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00:04:18,320 --> 00:04:21,080
Darling,
it's just what I wanted.
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00:04:21,120 --> 00:04:24,040
Your wife's
severed head in a basket.
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00:04:24,080 --> 00:04:29,520
Coming soon,
the film that puts
the Roman in romantic comedy.
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00:04:29,560 --> 00:04:31,920
You'd never cut off my head
and put it in a basket,
would you?
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00:04:31,960 --> 00:04:34,360
Baby, of course not.
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00:04:34,400 --> 00:04:35,760
I'm gonna have
you kicked to death.
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00:04:35,800 --> 00:04:38,280
What?
Shh, nothing.
97
00:04:38,320 --> 00:04:43,880
Love You To Death, based on
a true story,
rated unreasonable.
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00:04:43,920 --> 00:04:46,320
It's horrible, but it's true.
99
00:04:46,360 --> 00:04:49,520
Emperor Nero really did have
his wife's head cut off
100
00:04:49,560 --> 00:04:51,640
and sent to his
new girlfriend.
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00:04:51,680 --> 00:04:55,440
For next Valentine's Day,
you might want to
stick to flowers, hmm?
102
00:04:55,480 --> 00:04:57,400
Nero wasn't nasty
to everyone though.
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00:04:57,440 --> 00:05:00,440
He was really nice
to his favourite gladiator,
Spiculus.
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00:05:01,520 --> 00:05:03,320
WOMAN: In this week'sAve!
magazine
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00:05:03,360 --> 00:05:05,840
an exclusive interview
with the most famous sportsman
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00:05:05,880 --> 00:05:08,960
in all of Rome,
Spiculus the Gladiator.
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00:05:09,000 --> 00:05:10,880
My name's Tiberius
Claudius Spiculus,
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00:05:10,920 --> 00:05:13,320
but you can
just call me Spics.
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00:05:13,360 --> 00:05:15,000
I used to be a slave,
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00:05:15,040 --> 00:05:18,160
but then I fought
so well in the arena,
I won my freedom.
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00:05:18,200 --> 00:05:20,360
And the Emperor
Nero likes me so much,
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00:05:20,400 --> 00:05:22,440
he's given me my
very own palace.
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00:05:22,480 --> 00:05:23,600
WOMAN: Read how Nero made
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00:05:23,640 --> 00:05:25,400
his favourite
gladiator head of his
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00:05:25,440 --> 00:05:27,160
elite personal
protection force.
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00:05:27,200 --> 00:05:29,520
Only problem is,
I'm now so famous,
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00:05:29,560 --> 00:05:32,360
I can't go anywhere
without being
stopped for pictures.
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00:05:32,400 --> 00:05:34,800
Over here, Spiculus! Nice!
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00:05:34,840 --> 00:05:36,680
WOMAN:
And we've got the pictures
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00:05:36,720 --> 00:05:38,720
the celebrity
gladiators really
didn't want you to see.
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00:05:38,760 --> 00:05:40,640
Have you never
heard of a Roman bath?
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00:05:40,680 --> 00:05:42,840
Plus our resident soothsayer
predicts the future
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00:05:42,880 --> 00:05:44,920
by reading
the entrails of a chicken.
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00:05:44,960 --> 00:05:49,160
I can safely say
it's going to be a bad week.
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00:05:49,200 --> 00:05:51,000
For this chicken.
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00:05:51,040 --> 00:05:53,600
Yes,
all the goss, all the pics,
all the Roman rumours,
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00:05:53,640 --> 00:05:56,400
only in this week'sAve!
magazine.
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00:05:56,440 --> 00:06:00,040
I can safely predict
you're going to buy it.
129
00:06:00,080 --> 00:06:02,000
Only 99 denarii.
130
00:06:03,400 --> 00:06:05,880
[NARRATOR READING]
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00:06:07,560 --> 00:06:09,840
Some of our Middle
Ages medical cures
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00:06:09,880 --> 00:06:12,040
would seem pretty
strange nowadays.
133
00:06:13,640 --> 00:06:15,840
Paul, Paul, can you hear me?
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00:06:15,880 --> 00:06:18,040
Don't worry, darling,
the ambulance is on its way.
135
00:06:18,080 --> 00:06:20,440
Make way, make way,
clear a path, make way.
136
00:06:20,480 --> 00:06:21,760
Historical Paramedics.
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00:06:21,800 --> 00:06:22,920
Are you from the hospital?
138
00:06:22,960 --> 00:06:24,000
No,
we're from the Middle Ages.
139
00:06:24,040 --> 00:06:25,680
What's happened here?
140
00:06:25,720 --> 00:06:27,840
It's my husband here,
he went all dizzy
and he passed out.
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00:06:27,880 --> 00:06:28,960
What be his name?
Paul.
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00:06:29,000 --> 00:06:30,840
Paul, hear ye, hear ye, Paul!
143
00:06:30,880 --> 00:06:32,600
Can ye hear me, Paul?
144
00:06:32,640 --> 00:06:35,120
No,
he looks like he's fainted.
Nigel, I need a dead chicken.
145
00:06:35,160 --> 00:06:36,480
-A dead chicken?
-Yeah.
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00:06:36,520 --> 00:06:37,800
What on Earth
is that gonna do?
147
00:06:37,840 --> 00:06:39,160
Nothing. It's dead.
148
00:06:39,200 --> 00:06:41,400
It's not the chicken we need,
it's the feathers.
149
00:06:41,440 --> 00:06:43,600
We just burn
the ends of them like this.
150
00:06:43,640 --> 00:06:45,640
This should bring him round
almost immediately.
151
00:06:45,680 --> 00:06:47,000
No, it's not working.
152
00:06:47,040 --> 00:06:49,320
Hath he shown
any other symptoms
before this day?
153
00:06:49,360 --> 00:06:51,800
Oh, I suppose
he hasn't been
sleeping too well.
154
00:06:51,840 --> 00:06:53,720
Sleeplessness? Nigel, treacle.
155
00:06:53,760 --> 00:06:55,080
Yes, honey?
156
00:06:55,120 --> 00:06:56,400
No, get the treacle.
The treacle.
157
00:06:56,440 --> 00:06:57,800
Don't worry, madam.
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00:06:57,840 --> 00:07:00,600
Treacle is
the latest Middle Ages
cure for sleeplessness.
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00:07:00,640 --> 00:07:02,520
Hang on,
what are those markings?
160
00:07:02,560 --> 00:07:04,400
Could be
bruising from the fall.
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00:07:04,440 --> 00:07:05,880
I'll get
the flour and bacon fat.
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00:07:05,920 --> 00:07:07,160
WOMAN: What?
163
00:07:07,200 --> 00:07:08,440
No, hang on.
They're kind of blotchy.
164
00:07:08,480 --> 00:07:12,120
Skin disease. No!
I'm all out of wolf skin.
165
00:07:12,160 --> 00:07:13,800
Where be a wolf?
Where be a wolf?
[DOG BARKING]
166
00:07:13,840 --> 00:07:15,040
This might work.
167
00:07:15,080 --> 00:07:16,200
Actually it
looks like ringworm.
168
00:07:16,240 --> 00:07:17,320
I concur with thee.
169
00:07:17,360 --> 00:07:18,720
Then there's only
one thing for it.
170
00:07:18,760 --> 00:07:21,480
Man child, do you want to be
a gallant hero?
171
00:07:21,520 --> 00:07:23,720
Then you must wee
on that man's head.
172
00:07:23,760 --> 00:07:26,200
Nothing cures ringworm
like a hair wash in boy's wee.
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00:07:26,240 --> 00:07:28,280
He's not weeing on
my husband's head!
174
00:07:28,320 --> 00:07:30,320
You're not weeing
on my husband's head!
175
00:07:30,360 --> 00:07:34,600
Don't worry,
I always carry a fresh jar
of boy's urine, just in case.
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00:07:38,760 --> 00:07:40,080
[GASPS]
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00:07:40,120 --> 00:07:41,200
Paul!
178
00:07:41,240 --> 00:07:43,240
I'm okay.
I do need a shower though.
179
00:07:43,280 --> 00:07:45,280
Our work here is done.
180
00:07:45,320 --> 00:07:46,720
Do you mind filling this up
while we're here?
181
00:07:46,760 --> 00:07:47,880
Stop it, don't!
182
00:07:47,920 --> 00:07:49,160
[SIREN WAILING]
183
00:07:49,200 --> 00:07:51,000
Hark! It sounds like
a proper ambulance.
184
00:07:51,040 --> 00:07:52,360
We must flee this place!
185
00:07:52,400 --> 00:07:53,640
Make haste!
186
00:08:00,200 --> 00:08:04,640
Ian, bring the clean-up kit.
Those historical
ones have been here.
187
00:08:06,960 --> 00:08:09,240
WOMAN: Those were
all real treatments.
188
00:08:09,280 --> 00:08:11,440
But what was
the Middle Ages cure
for gout,
189
00:08:11,480 --> 00:08:13,960
a painful
inflammation of the joints?
190
00:08:14,000 --> 00:08:16,920
Was it a plaster of rosemary
and honey mixed with...
191
00:08:16,960 --> 00:08:22,880
A: goats' hair, B: goats' poo
or C: goats' wee?
192
00:08:23,880 --> 00:08:27,880
The answer is, B: goats' poo!
193
00:08:27,920 --> 00:08:30,200
They actually
believed it would work.
194
00:08:30,240 --> 00:08:33,560
But back then,
they believed some
very weird things.
195
00:08:39,560 --> 00:08:44,720
Greetings, horror hounds.
I am Vincenzo Laughoff
196
00:08:44,760 --> 00:08:49,240
and this week's scary story
is from the Middle Ages.
197
00:08:49,280 --> 00:08:52,760
It's called
The Children of Woolpit.
198
00:08:55,240 --> 00:08:59,000
It was 1173,
in a specially eerie yearie,
199
00:08:59,040 --> 00:09:00,720
when the small
village of Woolpit
200
00:09:00,760 --> 00:09:03,480
in the county of
Suffolk was invaded
201
00:09:03,520 --> 00:09:06,240
by creatures
from another world.
202
00:09:06,280 --> 00:09:07,800
[EERIE SOUNDS]
203
00:09:07,840 --> 00:09:11,480
Indeed. One day, two aliens
appeared in the village.
204
00:09:11,520 --> 00:09:13,640
These aliens
had taken the form
of two children,
205
00:09:13,680 --> 00:09:17,080
a boy and a girl.
But their skin
was bright green
206
00:09:17,120 --> 00:09:20,680
and they spoke
in a strange alien language.
207
00:09:20,720 --> 00:09:22,480
[SPEAKING GIBBERISH]
208
00:09:24,360 --> 00:09:26,200
Or something.
209
00:09:26,240 --> 00:09:29,560
Yes, the villagers of Woolpit
were terrified.
210
00:09:29,600 --> 00:09:32,440
These
green-skinned aliens demanded
to be fed,
211
00:09:32,480 --> 00:09:35,200
but what they ate
was truly chilling.
212
00:09:35,240 --> 00:09:39,120
Something no real
human child would eat,
without being forced.
213
00:09:39,160 --> 00:09:42,000
Yes. Vegetables!
214
00:09:42,040 --> 00:09:43,920
And then quite
without warning,
215
00:09:43,960 --> 00:09:45,760
the boy alien
dropped down dead.
216
00:09:45,800 --> 00:09:47,400
[LOUD SCREAMING]
[THUDS]
217
00:09:47,440 --> 00:09:52,000
And the girl alien, well,
that's
the strangest part of all.
218
00:09:52,040 --> 00:09:56,440
She became
a part-time domestic servant.
219
00:09:59,800 --> 00:10:01,640
[CLEARS THROAT]
220
00:10:01,680 --> 00:10:05,160
It turned out
that these children
were not from Mars or Venus.
221
00:10:05,200 --> 00:10:08,000
They were from Belgium.
222
00:10:09,920 --> 00:10:13,280
They were orphans,
the children
of Belgian cloth makers.
223
00:10:13,320 --> 00:10:17,560
Their skin was
green because of the dye
the parents used on the cloth.
224
00:10:17,600 --> 00:10:19,040
They'd been living
in the woods so long,
225
00:10:19,080 --> 00:10:20,480
the only food they recognised
was vegetation.
226
00:10:20,520 --> 00:10:22,320
The boy died of malnutrition,
227
00:10:22,360 --> 00:10:25,960
the girl grew up, got married
and went to work
for a local knight.
228
00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:28,160
This is not
a scary story, is it?
229
00:10:28,200 --> 00:10:30,600
It's a sort of boring story
with a weird beginning.
230
00:10:30,640 --> 00:10:32,960
That isn't the same thing.
I mean, why am I here?
231
00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:37,000
I grew a goatee for this.
It's unbelievable.
232
00:10:37,040 --> 00:10:39,680
I'm going to my dressing room
and there had
better be doughnuts.
233
00:10:41,080 --> 00:10:44,320
[NARRATOR READING]
234
00:10:44,360 --> 00:10:48,000
Ancient Greece was divided
into different city states.
235
00:10:48,040 --> 00:10:51,560
The people of Athens thought
our Spartans
were pretty brutal,
236
00:10:51,600 --> 00:10:54,360
but some of
the things they did
were just as bad.
237
00:10:57,240 --> 00:11:00,920
Oh, come on, Adolphus.
You're gonna be
late for school again!
238
00:11:00,960 --> 00:11:02,200
Now, have you got everything?
239
00:11:02,240 --> 00:11:04,080
-Yes.
-Have you got your stylus?
240
00:11:04,120 --> 00:11:05,880
-Uh-huh.
-You got your wax tablet?
241
00:11:05,920 --> 00:11:07,600
-Yep.
-Got your pita bread
for lunch?
242
00:11:07,640 --> 00:11:09,080
-Yeah.
-Haven't you
forgotten something?
243
00:11:10,160 --> 00:11:11,760
No.
244
00:11:11,800 --> 00:11:13,320
Your slave! Slave.
245
00:11:13,360 --> 00:11:15,440
Oh,
Dad, do I have to take him?
246
00:11:15,480 --> 00:11:18,280
Yes, you have to take him.
I bought him
specially to beat you
247
00:11:18,320 --> 00:11:19,520
when you misbehave in class.
248
00:11:19,560 --> 00:11:20,680
[GROANS]
249
00:11:20,720 --> 00:11:22,320
All the other
kids have got one.
250
00:11:22,360 --> 00:11:23,440
[LAUGHS]
251
00:11:23,480 --> 00:11:25,080
Shut it, you!
252
00:11:25,120 --> 00:11:26,240
[GROANS]
253
00:11:26,280 --> 00:11:27,880
He's only doing his job.
254
00:11:27,920 --> 00:11:30,480
Now, Athena, have you got
everything you
need for school?
255
00:11:30,520 --> 00:11:32,600
Eh?
[LAUGHS]
256
00:11:32,640 --> 00:11:34,640
Sorry, I'm only joking.
Like I'm gonna
257
00:11:34,680 --> 00:11:36,600
send a girl to school,
it's pointless.
258
00:11:36,640 --> 00:11:38,280
[BLOWS RASPBERRY]
259
00:11:38,760 --> 00:11:40,520
[GROANS]
260
00:11:40,560 --> 00:11:42,240
Oh, you are good.
Oh, actually,
261
00:11:42,280 --> 00:11:45,400
he's got maths this afternoon.
You might wanna
take the big stick,
262
00:11:45,440 --> 00:11:48,920
you know what he's like.
Well, go on then,
get off to school!
263
00:11:48,960 --> 00:11:50,520
[SIGHS]
264
00:11:50,560 --> 00:11:54,840
Kids, you can't
beat them, so to speak.
265
00:11:54,880 --> 00:11:57,840
It's true.
In the ancient
Greek city of Athens,
266
00:11:57,880 --> 00:12:00,160
boys took a slave
to school with them
267
00:12:00,200 --> 00:12:02,680
to make sure they were
behaving in class.
268
00:12:02,720 --> 00:12:05,840
I have no idea how they fitted
the slave in
their satchel though.
269
00:12:05,880 --> 00:12:06,960
[LAUGHING]
270
00:12:07,000 --> 00:12:10,120
[GROANS] All right,
I'll behave.
271
00:12:10,160 --> 00:12:12,880
Mind you, if you think
Athens sounds bad,
272
00:12:12,920 --> 00:12:15,680
you wouldn't have wanted
to go to school in Sparta.
273
00:12:17,160 --> 00:12:19,280
Hey, all you helots,
274
00:12:19,320 --> 00:12:22,120
you Zealots,
you Peloponnesians,
you Lacadaemons,
275
00:12:22,160 --> 00:12:27,600
all of Leonidas' army,
let's get barmy,
the Spartan school musical!
276
00:12:27,640 --> 00:12:30,240
Go Spartans!
277
00:12:30,280 --> 00:12:31,760
[ALL WHOOPING]
278
00:12:33,560 --> 00:12:34,800
Whoo!
279
00:12:36,560 --> 00:12:37,800
Come on!
280
00:12:42,720 --> 00:12:45,600
#Today I'm
starting high school
where boys are turned to men
281
00:12:45,640 --> 00:12:48,640
#I've packed my
sword and shield
We don't use paper and pen
282
00:12:48,680 --> 00:12:49,920
#Everyone's a jock here
283
00:12:49,960 --> 00:12:51,480
# We don't have fun nerds
284
00:12:51,520 --> 00:12:54,280
#The weedy kids
were left to die
as breakfast for the birds
285
00:12:54,320 --> 00:12:57,280
# We're taught to love a fight
We're taught not to be meek
286
00:12:57,320 --> 00:13:00,320
# And if we're
good they feed us
three square meals every week
287
00:13:00,360 --> 00:13:02,800
# Let's go fighting
Now fighting is exciting
288
00:13:02,840 --> 00:13:05,600
# We're rocking at
the Spartan school #
289
00:13:05,640 --> 00:13:07,040
Come on!
290
00:13:07,080 --> 00:13:08,200
Whoo!
291
00:13:10,160 --> 00:13:13,240
# At Spartan Kindergarten
I'm the boss that's understood
292
00:13:13,280 --> 00:13:14,720
# I smack them
if they're naughty
293
00:13:14,760 --> 00:13:16,280
and I thwack
them if they're good
294
00:13:16,320 --> 00:13:19,200
# I'm feeling rather peckish
I'm gonna steal some food
295
00:13:19,240 --> 00:13:22,000
# Caught,
I'll have to punish you,
ungrateful Spartan brood
296
00:13:22,040 --> 00:13:24,880
# We promise not to steal
We're not the thieving sort
297
00:13:24,920 --> 00:13:27,920
# Stealing is considered good
What's wrong is getting caught
298
00:13:27,960 --> 00:13:30,440
# Let's get beating
Now learning lies and cheating
299
00:13:30,480 --> 00:13:33,360
# We're rolling at
the Spartan school
300
00:13:35,040 --> 00:13:37,960
# We have a bunch of contests
to see who is the best
301
00:13:38,000 --> 00:13:41,040
# The meanest,
leanest, toughest,
roughest Spartan contest
302
00:13:41,080 --> 00:13:43,880
# This one is
my favourite game
Lashings of good fun #
303
00:13:43,920 --> 00:13:45,320
Didn't feel a thing.
304
00:13:45,360 --> 00:13:46,840
I want my mum.
305
00:13:46,880 --> 00:13:49,600
# We pass our last exam,
then it's Spartan graduation
306
00:13:49,640 --> 00:13:52,680
# Straightaway we go to work
No time for celebration
307
00:13:52,720 --> 00:13:55,440
# Ten years active
service in the army
No diversion
308
00:13:55,480 --> 00:13:58,640
# There's only one
job for a Spartan
Killing loads of Persians
309
00:13:58,680 --> 00:13:59,800
# Wondering about love?
310
00:13:59,840 --> 00:14:01,560
# It's banned until you're 30
311
00:14:01,600 --> 00:14:04,280
# High school
doesn't teach romance
It teaches fighting dirty
312
00:14:04,320 --> 00:14:06,960
# Let's go fighting
Now fighting is exciting
313
00:14:07,000 --> 00:14:08,520
# We're rocking at
the Spartan school
314
00:14:08,560 --> 00:14:11,040
# Let's get beating
Now learning lies and cheating
315
00:14:11,080 --> 00:14:13,760
# We're rolling at
the Spartan school #
316
00:14:16,760 --> 00:14:19,240
[NARRATOR READING]
317
00:14:19,280 --> 00:14:22,200
We Tudors were all terrified
of Henry VIII.
318
00:14:22,240 --> 00:14:24,560
No one wanted to
give him bad news.
319
00:14:24,600 --> 00:14:28,160
In fact,
there was only one person
who could get away with it.
320
00:14:30,960 --> 00:14:32,560
- Sir Nicholas.
-What news?
321
00:14:32,600 --> 00:14:34,560
The rumours are true,
I'm afraid.
322
00:14:34,600 --> 00:14:36,720
It would indeed
seem that the Queen
is seeing other men
323
00:14:36,760 --> 00:14:38,240
behind the King's back.
324
00:14:38,280 --> 00:14:41,600
Then it is as we feared.
We should inform His Majesty.
325
00:14:41,640 --> 00:14:44,720
Yes, of course.
But you know
how his moods are.
326
00:14:44,760 --> 00:14:47,640
Yes, he does tend to
behead the messenger.
327
00:14:47,680 --> 00:14:49,280
Indeed.
328
00:14:49,320 --> 00:14:50,840
Then there is only
one man for the job.
329
00:14:50,880 --> 00:14:53,200
Only one man
who could break
such terrible news
330
00:14:53,240 --> 00:14:55,800
to His Majesty,
King Henry VII.
331
00:14:55,840 --> 00:14:57,760
-You don't mean...
-Yes.
332
00:14:58,400 --> 00:14:59,640
Will Summers.
333
00:14:59,680 --> 00:15:01,160
Will Summers.
334
00:15:01,200 --> 00:15:02,280
You called?
335
00:15:02,320 --> 00:15:03,760
[VOCALISING]
336
00:15:10,520 --> 00:15:12,200
So what seems to be
the problem, gentleman?
337
00:15:12,240 --> 00:15:13,400
Catherine Howard.
338
00:15:13,440 --> 00:15:14,560
Oh, another man?
339
00:15:14,600 --> 00:15:15,880
Several.
340
00:15:15,920 --> 00:15:17,080
Oh, dear. That is a pickle.
341
00:15:17,120 --> 00:15:18,960
Yes,
and we need to tell the King,
342
00:15:19,000 --> 00:15:21,520
so he can arrange a divorce,
or a beheading, or something.
343
00:15:21,560 --> 00:15:23,320
And you are his
favourite jester.
344
00:15:23,360 --> 00:15:25,080
Who better to
break the bad news?
345
00:15:25,120 --> 00:15:27,440
Yes, this is true, but how?
346
00:15:27,480 --> 00:15:31,840
This is obviously
hugely important,
so what do we think?
347
00:15:31,880 --> 00:15:34,800
Shall I do it as a joke?
Or a song?
348
00:15:34,840 --> 00:15:36,920
Or shall I just blurt it out
while I'm doing the juggling?
349
00:15:36,960 --> 00:15:38,440
Well, you're the expert.
350
00:15:38,480 --> 00:15:39,920
Yes, I am very good at this.
351
00:15:39,960 --> 00:15:44,880
I shall use tact, diplomacy
and one of these.
352
00:15:44,920 --> 00:15:46,520
[SPUTTERING]
353
00:15:47,560 --> 00:15:49,480
Stand aside, gentlemen.
354
00:15:51,080 --> 00:15:53,000
[VOCALISING]
355
00:15:56,880 --> 00:16:00,200
No, not today, Will.
I'm not in the right mood.
356
00:16:00,240 --> 00:16:02,960
I don't know. You seem to be
in a right mood to me.
357
00:16:03,000 --> 00:16:04,320
[LAUGHING]
358
00:16:06,840 --> 00:16:08,840
Stop it,
seriously, I need a wee.
359
00:16:08,880 --> 00:16:11,840
Would that be the royal wee?
360
00:16:11,880 --> 00:16:16,280
[LAUGHS] No,
seriously, seriously.
I will wet my breaches.
361
00:16:16,320 --> 00:16:20,120
Oh, don't get any on the seat
or you'll have to
be "throne" out.
362
00:16:20,160 --> 00:16:22,200
[BOTH LAUGHING]
363
00:16:22,240 --> 00:16:25,040
Oh,
no, there's a couple of drips
right there.
364
00:16:25,080 --> 00:16:26,800
I wouldn't worry about it.
365
00:16:26,840 --> 00:16:30,040
There's been a few
drips on that throne
through the years.
366
00:16:31,840 --> 00:16:34,120
Yes,
drips, hasn't there just...
367
00:16:34,160 --> 00:16:37,160
More than a few,
I should think.
368
00:16:37,200 --> 00:16:40,240
Yes, almost as many
as your wife has boyfriends.
369
00:16:40,280 --> 00:16:42,520
[LAUGHING]
370
00:16:42,560 --> 00:16:44,400
Oh, she's had
a few then, has she?
371
00:16:44,440 --> 00:16:46,160
Yeah, loads of them.
372
00:16:46,880 --> 00:16:48,080
Good day, sire.
373
00:16:48,120 --> 00:16:49,320
Very good, huh.
374
00:16:49,360 --> 00:16:52,000
Look at you, you silly man.
375
00:16:52,040 --> 00:16:53,800
[CONTINUES LAUGHING]
376
00:16:56,800 --> 00:16:58,560
Well,
Will, how did he take it?
377
00:16:58,600 --> 00:17:00,280
It's too early to say.
378
00:17:00,320 --> 00:17:04,320
Should sink in in
about three, two, one.
379
00:17:04,360 --> 00:17:05,560
HENRY VIII: What!
380
00:17:05,600 --> 00:17:06,720
There it is.
381
00:17:06,760 --> 00:17:10,000
Nicholas!
Fetch me my executioner!
382
00:17:10,040 --> 00:17:11,520
At once, sire.
383
00:17:12,760 --> 00:17:16,040
Oh, and a clean
pair of pants, please.
384
00:17:17,560 --> 00:17:20,200
Being Henry's jester
was a dangerous job.
385
00:17:20,240 --> 00:17:23,400
But not as dangerous
as being this
Tudor entertainer.
386
00:17:26,120 --> 00:17:28,200
# Stupid deaths, stupid deaths
387
00:17:28,240 --> 00:17:30,360
# They're funny
'cause they're true
388
00:17:30,400 --> 00:17:33,080
# Whoa!
Stupid deaths, stupid deaths
389
00:17:33,120 --> 00:17:34,800
# Hope next
time it's not you #
390
00:17:34,840 --> 00:17:36,640
Hee, hee.
391
00:17:36,680 --> 00:17:40,000
She shouldn't
have worn that dress.
She had no chance. Next!
392
00:17:40,920 --> 00:17:42,200
And you are?
393
00:17:42,240 --> 00:17:45,720
A Tudor performer
and entertainer.
394
00:17:45,760 --> 00:17:51,480
Ooh, well,
why not entertain us, eh?
[LAUGHS] How did you die?
395
00:17:51,520 --> 00:17:56,920
Well, I was famous
for my amazing act.
The great stab proof man.
396
00:17:56,960 --> 00:17:58,440
Ooh!
397
00:17:58,480 --> 00:18:02,880
I would stand
before a live audience
and plunge a dagger
398
00:18:02,920 --> 00:18:06,560
into my own chest and,
yet, not die.
399
00:18:06,600 --> 00:18:08,880
Hmm, well, how come?
400
00:18:08,920 --> 00:18:11,480
I wore a cleverly
hidden stab proof vest
401
00:18:11,520 --> 00:18:13,960
so the knife
never even touched me,
402
00:18:14,000 --> 00:18:17,800
but it did
puncture a concealed bag
of animal blood,
403
00:18:17,840 --> 00:18:20,600
giving the impression
that I was bleeding.
404
00:18:20,640 --> 00:18:25,160
[CHUCKLES] Very clever.
So, how did you die for real?
405
00:18:25,200 --> 00:18:28,640
Well,
it was all going perfectly.
The crowd was cheering,
406
00:18:28,680 --> 00:18:32,640
the money was pouring in
and I raised my dagger aloft
407
00:18:32,680 --> 00:18:34,960
and plunged it into my chest!
408
00:18:35,000 --> 00:18:37,000
Yes, and, and?
409
00:18:37,040 --> 00:18:39,280
I'd forgotten to put
on my stab proof vest.
410
00:18:39,320 --> 00:18:42,200
I stabbed myself in the heart
and I died.
411
00:18:42,240 --> 00:18:43,760
[LAUGHING]
412
00:18:46,800 --> 00:18:49,240
Shame the vest
wasn't idiot proof!
413
00:18:50,600 --> 00:18:53,080
I'll just confer
with the judges.
414
00:18:53,120 --> 00:18:55,440
Mmm-hmm. Uh-huh.
415
00:18:55,480 --> 00:18:58,760
Oh, shut up, Louis.
Yes, that's two yes's.
416
00:18:58,800 --> 00:19:00,800
You're through
to the afterlife,
well done.
417
00:19:00,840 --> 00:19:03,480
Thank you, thank you so.
418
00:19:03,520 --> 00:19:06,480
He's very good, wasn't he?
He was good.
419
00:19:06,520 --> 00:19:10,120
Sometimes I love
this job, I do,
I do, Louis, I do.
420
00:19:10,160 --> 00:19:12,520
# Stupid deaths, stupid deaths
421
00:19:12,560 --> 00:19:14,480
# Hope next
time it's not you #
422
00:19:16,920 --> 00:19:18,920
[NARRATOR READING]
423
00:19:20,840 --> 00:19:22,400
Kill, kill!
424
00:19:22,440 --> 00:19:24,720
The time has come, men,
for your first hunting trip.
425
00:19:24,760 --> 00:19:26,160
Yeah!
426
00:19:26,200 --> 00:19:27,520
Let's get in.
427
00:19:27,560 --> 00:19:29,760
We've all been blessed
by the sacred hag.
428
00:19:29,800 --> 00:19:33,360
Oi, less of the hag.
It's mummy to you.
429
00:19:33,400 --> 00:19:35,080
We've all been blessed by Mum.
Sorry, Mum.
430
00:19:35,120 --> 00:19:36,520
That's better.
431
00:19:36,560 --> 00:19:37,880
And now, we hunt.
432
00:19:38,320 --> 00:19:40,520
Yeah!
433
00:19:40,560 --> 00:19:42,640
We must be strong enough to
434
00:19:42,680 --> 00:19:44,360
bring down
a marauding mega bear.
435
00:19:44,400 --> 00:19:45,720
Ooh! Mega bear?
436
00:19:45,760 --> 00:19:47,560
Ooh! Mega bear?
437
00:19:47,600 --> 00:19:51,000
May Ug's arrows
fly straight enough
to fell a stampeding mammoth.
438
00:19:51,040 --> 00:19:52,200
-Mammoth?
-Mammoth?
439
00:19:52,240 --> 00:19:55,040
And may Grunt's
dagger be sharp enough
440
00:19:55,080 --> 00:19:57,680
to tear out the heart
of a ferocious
sabre-toothed tiger.
441
00:19:58,320 --> 00:19:59,640
Did he say tiger?
442
00:19:59,680 --> 00:20:00,920
He said tiger, he said tiger.
443
00:20:00,960 --> 00:20:05,160
We feast this night!
Men, let's hunt!
444
00:20:05,200 --> 00:20:06,640
[ALL YELLING]
445
00:20:09,040 --> 00:20:10,280
[ROARING]
No, no, no.
446
00:20:10,320 --> 00:20:12,480
That mega bear looks
pretty big actually.
447
00:20:12,520 --> 00:20:13,960
Look at the size of its hand.
448
00:20:14,000 --> 00:20:17,600
MAN: Oh, oh, oh, that's a leg.
Oh, there's the other leg!
449
00:20:17,640 --> 00:20:20,280
Actually, actually maybe
we should go and help.
450
00:20:20,320 --> 00:20:21,800
-Or, or, or...
-Yeah?
451
00:20:21,840 --> 00:20:25,520
We could hunt
that giant
tortoise over there.
452
00:20:25,560 --> 00:20:26,680
Do you know I actually prefer
453
00:20:26,720 --> 00:20:28,480
-tortoise to bear?
-Me, too.
454
00:20:28,520 --> 00:20:31,680
So, let's go and get him.
They're pretty good
in soups, I think.
455
00:20:31,720 --> 00:20:34,280
-Watch out, he's a biter.
-Yeah, get away.
456
00:20:34,320 --> 00:20:38,000
Yes, caveman really
hunt giant tortoise.
457
00:20:38,040 --> 00:20:43,720
In fact,
we kill all giant tortoise
in North America. Bad caveman.
458
00:20:43,760 --> 00:20:45,080
[GROANS]
459
00:20:45,120 --> 00:20:49,400
Hunting very tiring,
so fitness
important in Stone Age.
460
00:20:49,440 --> 00:20:51,200
TRAINER:
Do you want a body like this?
461
00:20:51,240 --> 00:20:53,400
But actually have
a body like this?
462
00:20:53,440 --> 00:20:56,640
Then you need
the Caveman Workout.
463
00:20:56,680 --> 00:20:59,480
It's perfect training
for a prehistoric hunt.
464
00:20:59,520 --> 00:21:02,000
You want guns like these?
Sure you do.
465
00:21:02,040 --> 00:21:03,600
Let's start with those arms.
466
00:21:03,640 --> 00:21:06,640
And club, and club, and club.
Keep it going.
467
00:21:06,680 --> 00:21:09,040
And club,
and club, another 10,
and club.
468
00:21:09,080 --> 00:21:11,560
Okay! Let's start working out
with those spears.
469
00:21:11,600 --> 00:21:14,640
Don't worry.
We use them to hunt bison.
470
00:21:14,680 --> 00:21:18,640
First of all,
we chase a bison up a cliff.
471
00:21:18,680 --> 00:21:22,040
And run, and run.
Get your feet up,
and run, and run.
472
00:21:22,080 --> 00:21:23,680
There's one right there.
Let's go!
473
00:21:24,240 --> 00:21:25,520
[BISON LOWING]
474
00:21:25,560 --> 00:21:28,560
Once you have your bison,
you need to finish him off.
475
00:21:28,600 --> 00:21:33,400
And spear,
and spear, and spear.
Keep it going, and spear.
476
00:21:33,440 --> 00:21:35,640
Now it's time to
drag the heavy bison
477
00:21:35,680 --> 00:21:38,000
up the hill,
back to your cave.
478
00:21:38,040 --> 00:21:42,480
And drag, and drag, and drag,
while fighting off predators.
479
00:21:42,520 --> 00:21:48,840
And drag, and club, and drag,
and club, and drag. And club.
480
00:21:48,880 --> 00:21:50,800
That's really great.
481
00:21:50,840 --> 00:21:53,520
So that's it,
the Caveman Workout.
482
00:21:53,560 --> 00:21:57,560
Stay in shape and you,
too, could live
to the ripe old age of 30.
483
00:21:59,840 --> 00:22:03,240
The Caveman Workout,
available while cavemen last.
484
00:22:03,280 --> 00:22:04,640
[STRAINING]
485
00:22:06,800 --> 00:22:09,840
That's enough
of that, I think.
Did you know, scientists say
486
00:22:09,880 --> 00:22:12,160
humans look the way they do
thanks to hunting.
487
00:22:12,200 --> 00:22:14,840
Yeah, you lot evolved
springy legs and feet muscles
488
00:22:14,880 --> 00:22:17,880
so you could chase animals
for miles and miles.
489
00:22:17,920 --> 00:22:21,160
And a bottom, so you could
sit watching telly
for hours and hours.
490
00:22:21,200 --> 00:22:22,280
[LAUGHS]
491
00:22:22,320 --> 00:22:23,880
It's true.
492
00:22:23,920 --> 00:22:27,240
[NARRATOR READING]
493
00:22:27,280 --> 00:22:31,200
The famous Wild
West Pony Express
was set up in 1860
494
00:22:31,240 --> 00:22:34,240
to carry mail from
one side of America
to the other.
495
00:22:34,280 --> 00:22:35,960
But it didn't last long.
496
00:22:45,000 --> 00:22:46,160
Howdy, Bill.
497
00:22:46,200 --> 00:22:47,360
Why howdy, Jim.
498
00:22:47,400 --> 00:22:49,880
Here I am, bang on schedule.
499
00:22:49,920 --> 00:22:52,640
Although I did manage to run
into an ambush again.
500
00:22:52,680 --> 00:22:55,760
And I had to ride
all through the night
in a storm.
501
00:22:55,800 --> 00:22:57,760
And the horse got spooked
by a rattle snake,
502
00:22:57,800 --> 00:23:01,120
reared up and
threw me into a cactus.
503
00:23:01,160 --> 00:23:03,720
Yeah, as if my butt
wasn't sore enough
504
00:23:03,760 --> 00:23:05,560
having to spend 20
hours in the saddle
505
00:23:05,600 --> 00:23:07,320
just to deliver
the mail to you.
506
00:23:07,360 --> 00:23:09,400
Here, this is for you, Bill.
507
00:23:09,440 --> 00:23:11,560
Why, thank you kindly, Jim.
508
00:23:11,600 --> 00:23:13,640
Oh, I forgot about that.
509
00:23:13,680 --> 00:23:17,240
Hot diggity! It says here
they finished
the telegraph line
510
00:23:17,280 --> 00:23:19,200
running right across
the whole of America.
511
00:23:19,240 --> 00:23:21,120
-Uh-huh.
-So all I have to do
512
00:23:21,160 --> 00:23:23,480
is connect up this here
telegraph machine
513
00:23:23,520 --> 00:23:26,160
and I should start
receiving messages.
514
00:23:28,440 --> 00:23:30,360
Well, look at that. It works!
515
00:23:30,400 --> 00:23:33,760
Now, Bill,
you know there ain't nothing
that can get your messages
516
00:23:33,800 --> 00:23:37,080
from the east
coast to the west coast
faster than the Pony Express.
517
00:23:37,120 --> 00:23:38,640
It only takes us 10 days!
518
00:23:38,680 --> 00:23:40,800
Well, a telegraph
only takes 10 seconds.
519
00:23:40,840 --> 00:23:42,080
[MACHINE DINGS]
520
00:23:42,120 --> 00:23:43,880
I got my first message.
521
00:23:43,920 --> 00:23:47,200
It says, "Pony Express
out of business." Stop.
522
00:23:47,240 --> 00:23:50,360
"Tell rider to get
another job." Stop.
523
00:23:52,040 --> 00:23:54,840
Well, that is just
a pain in the butt.
524
00:23:54,880 --> 00:23:56,160
Ooh!
525
00:23:56,200 --> 00:23:57,640
And so is that!
526
00:23:57,680 --> 00:23:59,040
One second.
I got me some pliers.
527
00:24:03,480 --> 00:24:04,560
[GROANS]
528
00:24:04,600 --> 00:24:07,040
Okay.
529
00:24:07,080 --> 00:24:10,680
That's right.
The Pony Express riders'
careers were finished
530
00:24:10,720 --> 00:24:12,120
in just over a year.
531
00:24:12,160 --> 00:24:13,880
Much like most
X-Factorwinners!
532
00:24:13,920 --> 00:24:16,080
[LAUGHING]
533
00:24:16,120 --> 00:24:19,000
Still, they were lucky
if they lived to tell the tale
534
00:24:19,040 --> 00:24:22,600
because the Wild West sure was
full of dangerous characters.
535
00:24:22,640 --> 00:24:25,600
But don't believe everything
you read about them.
536
00:24:25,640 --> 00:24:28,560
# Lots of things in history
are actually a mystery
537
00:24:28,600 --> 00:24:31,600
# The truth's not always
in the books you read
538
00:24:31,640 --> 00:24:34,640
# Facts can get distorted
or even misreported
539
00:24:34,680 --> 00:24:37,680
# Imagine if that
was all down to me
540
00:24:37,720 --> 00:24:39,960
# Cliff Whitelie #
541
00:24:40,000 --> 00:24:42,360
-It's Whiteley!
-Sorry.
542
00:24:42,400 --> 00:24:44,800
No, no, you got it
the wrong way round, mate.
543
00:24:44,840 --> 00:24:47,400
Sir Walter
Raleigh's the explorer,
544
00:24:47,440 --> 00:24:49,880
the Monte Carlo
Rally is the car race!
545
00:24:49,920 --> 00:24:52,160
Yeah, easy mistake to make.
546
00:24:52,960 --> 00:24:54,720
Wallop!
547
00:24:54,760 --> 00:24:56,440
Cliff, I've got Wyatt Earp and
548
00:24:56,480 --> 00:24:59,320
Billy the Kid in
reception for you.
549
00:24:59,360 --> 00:25:04,200
I've only just had
the ceiling done.
All right, send them in.
550
00:25:04,240 --> 00:25:05,640
[BOTH YELLING]
551
00:25:05,680 --> 00:25:06,920
[FIRING]
552
00:25:10,760 --> 00:25:12,800
Susan,
can you rebook the plasterer
553
00:25:12,840 --> 00:25:15,760
for next Wednesday?
Thank you, love.
554
00:25:15,800 --> 00:25:19,920
Mr Earp, Mr The Kid,
what seems to be the problem?
555
00:25:19,960 --> 00:25:22,880
Yes, sir,
we'd just like to give you
a big thank you.
556
00:25:22,920 --> 00:25:24,920
-Oh?
-People believe
557
00:25:24,960 --> 00:25:29,280
Wyatt Earp and Billy the Kid
are genuine Wild West heroes.
558
00:25:29,320 --> 00:25:30,800
[BOTH EXCLAIMING]
559
00:25:30,840 --> 00:25:32,720
[GUNS FIRING]
560
00:25:32,760 --> 00:25:34,400
No need to thank me, lads.
561
00:25:34,440 --> 00:25:37,440
I got all the facts
from these two
books what you give me.
562
00:25:37,480 --> 00:25:40,720
It was you fellows did all the
gun fighting and
hold ups and all that.
563
00:25:40,760 --> 00:25:44,400
Oh, no, no, no, sir.
We did not do
any of that stuff.
564
00:25:44,440 --> 00:25:45,640
Beg your pardon?
565
00:25:45,680 --> 00:25:46,880
It was all lies. I made it up.
566
00:25:46,920 --> 00:25:48,200
What?
567
00:25:48,240 --> 00:25:49,440
And that stuff
about me being a sheriff
568
00:25:49,480 --> 00:25:52,120
and bringing law and order
to the Wild West,
569
00:25:52,160 --> 00:25:54,240
well, heck,
I was just
a part time policeman
570
00:25:54,280 --> 00:25:56,120
who got fired for
stealing horses.
571
00:25:56,160 --> 00:25:57,320
[BOTH LAUGHING]
572
00:25:57,360 --> 00:25:58,680
I thought you was a hero.
573
00:25:58,720 --> 00:26:01,000
What about the gun fight
at the O.K. Corral?
574
00:26:01,040 --> 00:26:02,720
That gun fight
was just an argument
575
00:26:02,760 --> 00:26:05,440
about a robbery
that we all did together.
576
00:26:05,480 --> 00:26:07,320
In fact, it wasn't
much of a gun fight,
577
00:26:07,360 --> 00:26:09,040
'cause most of their side
didn't have guns.
578
00:26:09,080 --> 00:26:10,320
Oh, yeah.
579
00:26:10,360 --> 00:26:13,400
[BOTH WHOOPING]
580
00:26:13,440 --> 00:26:17,200
Ceiling!
Well, I hope your book's
a bit more authentic.
581
00:26:17,240 --> 00:26:22,280
Sir,
there is nothing authentic
about my book in the least.
582
00:26:22,320 --> 00:26:26,040
But it's called
The Authentic Life
of Billy the Kid.
583
00:26:26,080 --> 00:26:28,320
It was written by
the man who killed me.
584
00:26:28,360 --> 00:26:30,720
I think he wanted
to big his self up.
585
00:26:30,760 --> 00:26:33,240
Well he must have
got some things right.
Let's have a look.
586
00:26:33,280 --> 00:26:37,720
"Real name William Bonny,
killed 21 men
by the age of 21,
587
00:26:37,760 --> 00:26:40,000
"renowned for
his handsome face."
588
00:26:40,040 --> 00:26:42,200
Well, I am kind of handsome.
589
00:26:42,240 --> 00:26:44,280
And the rest.
590
00:26:44,320 --> 00:26:50,000
My real name is Henry Mcgardy.
I killed my first
man at 18, not 12...
591
00:26:50,040 --> 00:26:54,960
And 21 murders
before I was 21?
I only killed 8 people
592
00:26:55,000 --> 00:26:56,680
my whole entire life.
593
00:26:56,720 --> 00:26:58,400
[BOTH EXCLAIMING]
594
00:27:00,240 --> 00:27:02,320
Honestly,
so you're both fakes?
595
00:27:02,360 --> 00:27:05,800
Where's a real
Wild West legend
when you need one, eh?
596
00:27:07,040 --> 00:27:09,840
Pearl Heart at your service.
597
00:27:09,880 --> 00:27:13,200
Right,
I'm gonna start charging
for the ceiling.
598
00:27:13,240 --> 00:27:16,640
I'm the real deal, ran away
from boarding school,
cut my hair,
599
00:27:16,680 --> 00:27:21,320
dressed like a man,
held up a stagecoach, yee-haw!
600
00:27:21,360 --> 00:27:25,160
Lawmen had to
fight hard to take me,
but not even a prison cell
601
00:27:25,200 --> 00:27:28,320
could hold down Pearl.
I busted my way
through the wall
602
00:27:28,360 --> 00:27:29,960
-and straight to freedom,
yee-haw!
[FIRES]
603
00:27:31,040 --> 00:27:32,760
You do know there's
an office above me.
604
00:27:32,800 --> 00:27:36,200
And I did all that,
without killing a soul,
605
00:27:36,240 --> 00:27:39,640
so how about you set
the record straight
and wipe these no good fakers
606
00:27:39,680 --> 00:27:41,400
straight from history?
607
00:27:41,440 --> 00:27:43,680
Well,
I'd love to, but that sort
of thing could take me years.
608
00:27:43,720 --> 00:27:45,040
[RUMBLING]
609
00:27:51,680 --> 00:27:53,680
Yep, that should do it.
610
00:27:54,520 --> 00:27:56,480
-Yee-haw!
-Wallop!
611
00:27:56,520 --> 00:27:58,240
[FIRES GUN]
612
00:27:58,280 --> 00:28:00,920
# Tall tales, tragic acts
We gave you all
the fearsome facts
613
00:28:00,960 --> 00:28:02,440
# The ugly truth,
no glam or glitz
614
00:28:02,480 --> 00:28:03,840
We showed you
all the juicy bits
615
00:28:03,880 --> 00:28:06,440
# Gory,
ghastly, mean and cruel
616
00:28:06,480 --> 00:28:09,160
# Stuff they don't
teach you at school
617
00:28:09,200 --> 00:28:12,080
# The past is no
longer a mystery
618
00:28:12,120 --> 00:28:16,880
# Hope you enjoyed
Horrible Histories #
47512
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