Original subtitles

♪ Terrible Tudors, Gorgeous Georgians, Slimy Stuarts,

♪ Vile Victorians, Woeful Wars, Ferocious Fights, Dingy Castles,

♪ Daring Knights, Horrors that defy description,

♪ Cut-throat Celts, Awful Egyptians, Vicious Vikings, Cruel Crime,

♪ Punishments from ancient times, Romans, rotten, rank and ruthless,

♪ Cavemen, savage, fearsome, toothless Groovy Greeks,

♪ Brainy Sages, Mean and Measly Middle Ages,

♪ Gory stories, we do that,

♪ And your host, a talking rat,

♪ The past is no longer a mystery,

♪ Welcome to Horrible Histories.♪

Horrible Histories presents:

Influencers are everywhere nowadays.

Always popping up on your socials, on your phone, your tablet,

hammering scrolls to the wall of the forum.

Well, that was probably more during my time than yours.

Oh, yes people have been trying to influence others right

through history.

And we Romans were the influencer G.O.A.T.S.

No, not that kind of goat.

The greatest of all time!

When we invaded Britain, we wanted to change the food, the laws,

we even got you to use the word Britain.

And we could be very persuasive.

We're about to invade this hubble to do some serious

Roman damage to some non existent

Celtic fashion sense.

He has no idea.

On your feet now!

So, first of all what is your name?

Aesu. Bless you.

Silly boy. I'm too much sometimes.

But no, it's not Roman enough. No.

We're going to call you Claudius? Si!

You see, we conquered you, so we're all Romans now.

We're going to have you thinking and looking like a Roman

in no time at all.

Plus, by forcing you to become part of our culture, we damage yours

and lessen the chance of a rebellion. Si.

What was that? Nothing.

OK, so these blonde spikes say I'm prickly, I'm angry.

I'm a prickly pear, get off me.

But the only person it's hurting is you.

Plus we want to lose this Druid-y moustache.

Oh, please. Get it off!

RIPPING NOISE

CLAUDIUS YELLS

Alleluia! We have a top lip!

OK, orders from the emperor, we have to talk about fashion.

You got a great figure, show it off!

We're going to go with a toga. It's classic but it's modern and it's

totally metro sexual.

Arms up.

Oh!

Ugh!

First we have to get you in the bath.

Yeah, we have built you and the

whole town a new Roman bathhouse!

So come on, let's get in and scrub away that Celtic heritage.

Very quickly!

When we met Aesu he was an angry Celt consumed by

thoughts of rebellion but now he's ready to put the

Roman into romantic.

With a clean shave, a scissor haircut, and a gorgeous toga.

He's saucy and compliant.

Little Roman!

Wow! What a transformation!

You know what? I feel fantastic.

Fell like I can conquer the world!

Don't do that!

We do that.

THEY LAUGH

Your face! He was so scared!

Hi, Roman fans! It's me! Your favourite queen of Egypt,

Cleopatra!

With another lit hair tutorial.

You want to copy me?

Obvs!

All you do is take a simple comb,

see that? Everyone's got one of them, and you hand that to you

hairdresser!

And she does it for you! Say hi, Inas!

See the beauty?

OK, so show them what you do.

All right, basically we take sections of hair...

Take sections of hair.

...and you twist it... Twist it.

...to create that kind of effect... Effect, yeah.

...and it should start to look like a melon.

Like melon!

That's exactly how I do it. Ooh!

YummyMummy235 says, "Why melon?"

Because this looks like a melon has been hollowed out

and stuck on my head.

See? That's what it's going to look like on me.

At least it better, or somebody is going to get fed to the lions.

LIONS ROAR

Hey, babe, babe, babe, are we live?

No! Oh, you said you'd tell me!

What up, Caesar geezers?

Give me a whoop whoop!

Julius I love you so much, babe... I love you too, babe.

...but don't ever come in when I'm doing fashion blogs!

I'm an influencer too, you know!

No, you're not. He's not.

Check out my comb over, babe. SHE GASPS

Julius! No! We're doing hair do's not hair don'ts!

Direct scroll me if you want to know how to get the look, yeah?

I came! I saw! He left.

I, shush, are you or are you not entertained?!

No, they are not. Get out!

OK, later, Caesar geezers. Pecks out. Mwah, mwah, mwah!

Go away! I love you!

Right, I am finished.

Is this some kind of sick joke?

Why would my Roman followers want to copy that?

I've given you so many chances, Inas!

To the lions!

No, please, please. No, no, no, please, please.

Here's one I prepared earlier.

That...

...is fantastic!

Look at me!

So there you have it, Cleopatronizers.

That is how you do me melon updo!

Told you it was easy!

Do it yourself and tag me in the comments and Inas, you get

to live, for today.

Taking a cue from Cleo, I'm trying to become an influencer and get more

followers.

Well, get some followers.

It might surprise you to learn that I made this headgear myself.

What do you mean it looks rubbish?

HE LAUGHS

So I'm not going to be a style influencer

but what about trying to influence language?

People have been doing that for centuries.

Take Geoffrey Chauce, one of the greatest writers of the Middle Ages.

He was the first to use the word "vomit" in a book.

Seriously!

And he was the first English writer to use the word "seriously" too.

It's almost sleepy time here on Yebeebies and we have

a special guest.

Hello, Geoffrey Chaucer.

Hello, boys and girls.

Mr Bear wants to know if your story book really is the first of

its kind in English.

It is. My book, The Canterbury Tales, is a collection of short stories

about English people.

I've also put a lot of new words in it that have never

been written before.

BOTH: Ooh!

Will you read Mr Bear a story from your new book?

Of course.

Once upon a time, there was a naughty monk

who told all the poorly people that for a price he'd pray for them.

But when they paid him, he refused to pray

because he said that ill people

made him want to vomit.

What?!

Oh, the character who's telling the story in my book really,

he really hates monks.

He hates them so much.

He thinks they live in the devil's bum.

This bad monk went to an old man's house,

when he saw the old man's wife, he let out a very big fart.

And he vomited over him.

The old man was angry

so he told the bad monk that he'd hidden something very

precious in his bum.

BLOWS KAZOO

And then he farted into the bad man's hand.

That's the end of that story.

Would you like me to explain any new words like

"bum" and "fart"?

No, thank you, Mr Geoffrey.

Don't you have any nice stories?

Oh, well I've got The Knight's Tale.

Where a man gets hacked to death.

No.

Oh, well. There's this lovely one about

a man accidentally bottom burping right into another man's face.

No!

OK, well...

Time to say goodbye!

Oh. Night, night boys and girls.

Don't let the bed bugs bite.

I do have a story about bed bugs biting a very rude place.

Yes, thank you.

With an Ofsted inspection looming

head teacher, Mrs Thomas,

has had to lose a maths teacher because something about them

didn't add up.

Welcome to Historical Educating.

We are so lucky to get him!

He's one of history's most influential mathematicians.

He came up with that.

He even ran his own school!

Oh, I just can't believe he was available!

It's almost too good to be true.

Year seven's new maths teacher is Mr Pythagoras.

I am Mr Pythagoras.

And this...

...is my thigh.

I have painted it gold so I can be easily identified.

How come he's allowed to do that?

When I painted Matilda's face purple in art, I got a detention.

Shh! No talking.

See the head teacher.

He's very strict.

Students aren't allowed to speak until he's been teaching

them for five years!

But, Miss! Ssh!

Five years!

OK, so, who can tell me some practical applications

of maths in the real world.

To help us with money?

OK, no talking, get out.

Go on.

STUDENTS MURMUR

And you are wrong!

No-one cares about numbers in the real world.

What matters is their mystical cosmic meaning.

COUNTS UNDER BREATH

Oh, I know the problem.

The most perfect cosmic number is ten!

I never teach classes more than ten so you three get out.

Mrs Thomas has call Mr Pythagoras to her office.

Mr Pythagoras, you can't throw half of your students out of the class.

You're free!

Run away little fellow!

What are you doing? Stop throwing my lunch around!

You can't eat beans, they are reincarnated dead people.

Run for your lives!

Thank you, Mr Pythagoras.

You're fired.

Fired?

Not again.

The house I taught my followers in burnt down too!

Farewell, my friends!

You must save yourselves!

With the Ofsted inspection imminent, Mrs Thomas has come

to the conclusion that she prefers special measures to spending another

minute with Mr Pythagoras.

Well, some of his theories have left a mark.

Hello?

I've not learned much from those two!

So language is out,

what about music?

That can have a hug impact on how people behave.

And it just so happens I've tinkled on the odd piano before.

Well when you've got to go, you've got to go!

HE LAUGHS

There was a ninth century musician who was known as Ziryab.

His influence wasn't just limited to music,

he had ideas about everything!

The epic story of the ninth century musical sensation

who influenced a lot more than just music.

He's the slave from Baghdad who's music will set him free.

I will bring my music to the people.

You may chain our bodies but you can't chain a song!

But first I have a great idea for a deodorant.

I will never be free unless my armpits are free too!

Ugh!

Mm! Armpit pom powder!

SHE SNIFFS

Ugh! That's actually a pretty good idea.

Give it to me!

THEY GRUNT

He is the legendary singer who will flee from Baghdad to escape

a rival!

On the run again. Maybe I'll never find a home.

Ah, home!

Home!

UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS

But what I have found is a great idea for a new toothpaste.

Just cos they call me a barbarian, it doesn't mean I have to have

breath like a barbarian's butt.

HE EXHALES SNIFFS

Ugh.

Yes, please!

Finally, after years on the run, he will find a home in Cordoba, Spain.

There he will introduce a style of music that will be

popular for generations.

Here I shall found a school where I can teach the world to sing!

UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS

But first, I need my hair trimmed.

Hey, nice fringes.

We're learning rom the best.

The musician with a mind filled with more ideas than actual songs.

Why not change the colour of your clothes depending on the seasons?

The music-less musical!

Hey, guys, how about drinking out of glass instead of metal?

OK, stop now.

Four strings on an oud? Why not five? I'll add one!

Oh, come on!

Ziryab! Coming soon!

Throughout history, people have tried to influence how we look

after our health and improve our hygiene.

And we Victorians were no exception.

We invented portable gyms for exercising at home.

Which is why I look so hench.

HE FARTS

And we came up with a variety of fans and treatments for

keeping healthy and clean.

Although some were a little unconventional.

HE SIGHS

Oh, dear.

I'm afraid I'm going to have to diagnose you with insomnia,

hysteria and tuberculosis.

So I'm going to prescribe a glass of water.

SHE SLURPS

I bet you feel better already.

Not really.

I'm Dr James Gully and here at my hydro-therapy clinic,

we practise the latest in advanced Victorian health techniques

using the power of water.

Treatments are as follows.

Submerging your head in a cold bath,

being wrapped in wet sheets and having a cold bath.

Having a cold shower and then having a cold bath.

Having a walk wrapped in wet towels,

and then having a cold bath.

Having a cold bath, and then having a cold bath,

and then having another cold bath.

But don't take my word for it.

Here's famous scientist, Charles Darwin!

Ooh!

Before I came to see Dr Gully,

I was suffering from giddiness,

nausea, boils, headaches

and, worst of all...

PRRP!

...terrible flatulence.

GULLY: Darwin has tried everything,

from sucking lemons to electroshock therapy,

but none of it worked.

I've also treated many other famous people,

including writer Charles Dickens.

PRRP!

I have GREAT EXPECTATIONS,

but thanks to OUR MUTUAL FRIEND,

my HARD TIMES are over.

But it's not just for men called Charles.

Here's Florence Nightingale!

How are you feeling, Flo?

Erm, there have been some improvements, although I do...

Start the treatment!

So, come on down to Dr Gully's Hydrotherapy Clinic

for cold baths, cold showers,

and a Jacuzzi!

PRRRRP!

WATER BUBBLING

With bubbles.

Bubbles supplied by the user.

This way, Your Majesty.

Oh, Harrington, I love surprise gifts!

Is it diamonds?

Ta-da-a-a-a!

Have we been robbed?

No, this is it.

I designed and built you a flushing toilet!

Look, cistern here full of water,

and once you've done your royal business,

you have a lever to pull to flush away all of the, erm...

You built me a loo?

Why don't you give it a go? Harrington!

Please, Your Majesty! It's completely odourless.

Think how sweet all of your palaces will smell if they all had one.

Oh! So, you're saying that my crib stinks, are you?

Uh... no.

No? No...!

I'm not going to the toilet.

Well, it's not good to hold it in.

I do not need a poo!

And if I did, I would do it in a pot,

like anyone else.

Good day to you!

Cheek of the man!

Banging on about my bowels, saying my house stinks!

It's an outrage!

STOMACH GURGLES

Ooh, that shouting's made me...

GURGLING

Maybe I better...

SQUEAK! Ooh...

PRRP! Harrington!

I am SO sorry, Your Majesty.

I know I said it was odourless...

...but you might want to open a window.

PRRP! PRRP!

Yeah... PLOP!

Harrington wanted Liz to get a flushing loo

because he thought that she would influence everyone else to get one.

Hey, maybe that's it!

If I can become a royal, I've cracked it.

James I, who came after Elizabeth, was a bit of an influencer too.

He tried to tell people how to live their lives a lot when he was King.

He didn't like dancing, he didn't like music,

and he REALLY didn't like women going to London to enjoy the city.

This is Jimmy On The Street!

I'm King James I, or Jimmy VI if you're Scottish.

We're here in London, which is far too full of people,

and do you know whose fault that is?

Women!

But, don't worry, because I'm here hitting the streets

to shame women with my good friend, the Duke of Buckingham.

Is this really necessary?

Yes, it is. Let's go.

Woman!

Look at your wide brimmed hat!

You dress like a man!

Don't be wearing colourful tights next!

Oh, colourful tights? Where can I buy some of those?

Witchery. Don't care what you say. Let's go!

Hey, woman!

Oh, look at your outfit. Thanks!

Oh, it's so fashionable.

Well, London is THE best place to find...

Disgusting!

Women should look dowdy and stay at home!

Ring the shame bell, Bucky.

Sorry about this. I think you look great.

BELL RINGS Shame!

Shame! Shame!

Women! Where'd you come from today?

Erm, Coventry. We're having a day out.

We're going to a theatre to see the latest Shakespeare.

Oh, isn't that so nice? Oh, Bucky, tell them.

I actually don't see the harm in...

I'll tell you the harm!

Who's at home having the babies, huh?

The countryside going to magically populate itself, is it?

Ready to go, ladies?

Oh, no, and they brought a man...

...leaving the whole country to waste away!

The crops left rotting in the field,

people dying of starvation!

Just so Mummy can buy herself a new hat!

Buckaroo, ring the shame bell. BELL RINGS

Who even are you? Literally, King James.

Oh, no...! Oh, my...! No... Stop having fun!

It's undignified! An actual king, girls! Go away!

Smell him! Don't smell me! Get away from...

Get away! Ring the bell!

Go away!

James I really didn't like us women to glow up.

He even told priests to give sermons against us wearing our fancy hats.

The cheek of it!

You should see some of his hats, they've got more feathers

sticking out of them than an ostrich's bottom!

But it wasn't just rulers who were influencers in the Stuart age.

Their girlfriends were, too.

Two of King Charles II's mistresses, Nell Gwyn and Moll Davis

were both extremely popular entertainers -

people followed their every move -

and their relationship with Charles meant they had quite a rivalry.

Sorting out the beefs of the past...

Samuel, if I hear another peeps out of you!

...with the justice of today.

I'll call in the Roundheads!

Welcome to...

Uh. Uh, sorry!

Uh, excuse you! You what?!

Children, children!

No fighting in my court room. Do you understand?

Sorry.

Now, do either of you have anything to say for yourselves?

One day, Nell invites me to tea.

She offers me some sweetmeats.

Well, what exactly are sweetmeats?

Oh, they're sugary nibbles, Your Honour.

Right.

Anyway, I had some, and then later when I'm with the King

in his bedchamber, I lost control of my...

Your arms? Your legs?

Any sense of decorum, probably.

My bowels.

Oh, come on, it wasn't that bad.

It was, and I have the bedsheet to prove it.

PEOPLE SCREAM

Yeah.

And I have a witness.

All right, then. Do call your witness, please.

TRUMPET FANFARE PLAYS

Ah, goodness me! Your Majesty!

King Charles II, how-how bad...

...was it?

Have you ever seen a cannon go off?

All right. Well, I see. I mean, I get the point...

I hadn't finished. Right.

Sometimes, during the Civil War, they pack a cannon too tight,

the whole thing would explode, and the bits would go everywhere.

Mm.

That's what it was like.

Thank you very much, Your Royal Highness.

I REALLY don't need that mental image in my head.

You are dismissed.

Are we still on for lunch tomorrow?

Your Majesty! Really!

Unbelievable. I'm right here.

Miss Davis, I have to say, this case absolutely stinks.

And I'm not just talking about the evidence either.

You know, it's one of those cases

where there's just so much to think about. Judge...

Judge! Do you mind? I'm talking!

But those are the sweetmeats Nell gave me.

STOMACH GURGLES

Ah... Mm.

GURGLING

Erm... Yeah...

PRRP! Oh...!

PRRRP! Uh, court... court... is adjourned.

SQUELCH!

Charles II cared a lot about his image, like me!

I love playing with filters.

I've actually just spent a lot of money on a new one.

How do I look? Good, yeah?

Well, the leader who probably cared most about his image

was Joseph Stalin.

He would change his photos a lot more than people do today.

He didn't want to just influence Russia's future, but also its past.

Hmm...

Hello, guys!

And thanks for clicking on this tutorial,

where I'm going to teach you

how to photo-chop your photos.

I'm Russian leader, Joseph Stalin.

With my help, your photos will be getting...

...top MARX.

The results will really BOL-SHEVIK your friends over!

But, seriously...

...the ability to erase someone from history is a godlike power.

Let's get started!

OK, so, let's say you have a photo.

There's a problem... here.

Can you spot it?

That's Antipov.

He was a traitor.

We don't want him, do we?

So, just a chop, chop, chop...

...and boom!

That's the photo and the history corrected.

But, wait, there is another problem...

...there.

That is Shvernik.

He was demoted.

It wouldn't look right for him to be here.

Let's get to work...

...and paint him out of history.

Ah, perfect.

Uh-oh! Who is this?

No, can't be Kirov, can it?

People said I had him shot later, so it would be awkward

if there was a photo of us together.

There, at last...

...history as it should be.

The perfect picture.

The picture you should have taken in the first place, comrade camera.

If you weren't a traitor!

Ah! Who do you work for?!

Who do you work for?!

Who's laughing now, comrade camera?!

So, that's how you photo-chop your photos to get rid of your enemies.

Don't forget to like and subscribe,

or I might have YOU erased from history. Ha-ha-ha!

No, seriously...

...I might.

Hi, I'm Frederick Douglass...

Oh, hang on.

In the 19th century, I was the most photographed man in all of America.

I knew how important it was to be seen if you wanted people

to listen to your message, and mine was an important message

of banning slavery.

To make sure I was taken seriously,

I always kept a straight face when being photographed.

I was a slave myself when I was younger, but I escaped.

So, how do you think I got away?

Did I...?

The answer is A, disguise myself as a sailor.

I even had to talk like a sailor to flee safely - and it worked.

Once free, I travelled the world to tell people my story,

inspiring others to join the anti-slavery movement.

Now, that's something to smile about.

Oh...

No, seriously...

...you can't use that one.

And that's nearly at the end of our look at influencers.

But just in case you missed it, here's some tips

on how to be a historical influencer.

Hit it!

DANCE MUSIC PLAYS

I hope that's all clear.

Now, let's finish the show with two of the biggest style icons

of the 18th century, Mary Robinson and Georgiana Cavendish.

Huge fashionistas, they set trends in everything from hats

to dresses, to giant wigs -

causing a stir wherever they went.

♪ They call me Perdita

♪ The mistress of George IV, yeah

♪ I wear a funky dress for you

♪ I walk down in my gear

♪ The people they stop and cheer, dear

♪ I wrap my hands in fur for you

♪ And tighter and tighter

♪ I barely can breathe

♪ But how they love me

♪ No matter the scandal All eyes are on me

♪ Oh, how they love me

♪ Whatever I put on is the hit of the year

♪ It's me they copy

♪ Cos nothing says fashion like me... ♪

Well, apart from me.

♪ I'm Duchess of Devonshire

♪ And everyone loves what I wear

♪ I wear a little hair for you

♪ It only takes horsehair

♪ Two hairdressers and half the day, yeah

♪ I wear a little hair for you

♪ And higher and higher

♪ I stick in the bird

♪ Oh, how they love me

♪ And tighter and tighter

♪ I barely can breathe

♪ And how they love me

♪ And higher and higher

♪ I stick in a ship

♪ Oh, how they love me

♪ And higher and higher

♪ No wig is too big

♪ Oh, how they love me

♪ We really made big hair a thing. ♪

So much bum, so much fart,

you couldn't tell bum from fart...

HE GIGGLES

Big... farty bum...

HE LAUGHS

♪ The past is no longer a mystery

♪ Hope you enjoyed...

♪ Horrible Histories. ♪