Original subtitles

♪ Terrible Tudors, Gorgeous Georgians

♪ Slimy Stuarts, Vile Victorians

♪ Woeful Wars, Ferocious Fights Dingy castles, daring knights

♪ Horrors that defy description Cut-throat Celts, Awful Egyptians

♪ Vicious Vikings, cruel crimes Punishment from ancient times

♪ Romans rotten, rank and ruthless Cavemen savage, fierce and toothless

♪ Groovy Greeks, brainy sages Mean and measly Middle Ages

♪ Gory stories, we do that

♪ And your host, a talking rat

♪ The past is no longer a mystery

♪ Welcome to...

♪ Horrible Histories. ♪

Horrible Histories presents...

This is the story of the birth of America.

While sailing for Asia,

one man believes he is the first to discover America.

I, the great and handsome Italian explorer Christopher Columbus,

am the first man ever to set foot in this strange new land.

RECORD SCRATCH Only he wasn't the first.

Our long journey from Asia is over.

We shall build a new home in this land.

OK...

I, Christopher Columbus,

am the first European man to set foot in America.

Uh... Technically that's not true either.

A new land!

The sagas will tell of my journey forever and I, Leif Eriksson,

son of Erik the Red, will name this land...

..Vinland. Oh, look, a Skraeling.

Hey, how's it going?

Oh, you are going to love what we've done to this place.

I really need a wee. Just there.

Really? I mean, can they prove it?

OK, fine, fine.

I, Christopher Columbus, am the first European man

apart from a bunch of other guys ever to set foot in...

Oh, who am I kidding?

I didn't even make it all the way to America.

I stopped in the Caribbean by mistake.

Oh, forget it! Let's go home.

Turn the boat around!

America, discovered by Columbus...

NOT!

It's true. Columbus never actually went to America.

He went to the Caribbean islands which are just next door.

It was another Italian explorer, John Cabot,

who in 1497 really became the first modern European

to discover North America.

Like Columbus, Cabot was looking for Asia, but instead found a new land

in Canada and guess what he called this new-found land?

Yep, Newfoundland.

Talk about say what you see.

Cabot was incredibly excited, but not for the reasons you'd expect.

Yo, John Cabot here.

Check me out!

Shout out to King Henry VII.

Brap, brap!

He sponsored my trip

basically because he felt like a total bonehead

for not backing Columbus

and his trust in Jocab - still going with that name - has paid off.

We found something way more impressive.

Land ahoy!

No, massive fish.

Check this out, it's going to be hilarious.

Wow, this is a whole new continent.

Kiss the fish!

Kiss it!

Mwah! John...

John, stop messing around.

I think this could be really significant. Sorry, mate.

But kiss the fish!

So I think we can all agree that Fishland is way better

than anything Columbus ever found.

We're not calling it Fishland.

Oh, you think you COD do better, hmm?

Do you not like this PLAICE?

John, we're not calling it Fishland!

Jocab's Fishland!

Now that the route to America was known, King Philip of Spain

began building small villages in the new land called colonies.

Not to be outdone, our fair Queen Elizabeth I did the same,

asking her favourite explorer, Sir Walter Raleigh,

to set up the English colony called Roanoke.

With two of history's great figures behind it, nothing could go wrong.

But it still did.

Argh!

Your Majesty's servants are here, Your Majesty.

What happened? Oh, I've been robbed.

So I can see, ma'am. It's absolute carnage.

There's diamonds everywhere.

No, that's just where I keep them, you idiot.

Someone has stolen my lovely Roanoke. It's this again.

I had hoped you'd be over it after a year or two.

What's Roanoke? Pet dog, is it?

No, no, Walter, darling, you tell them.

I'm literally too upset to talk.

OK, Her Majesty asked me

to set her up an English colony in the New World.

I just wanted one New World colony.

One.

Because I was sick of King Philip of Spain lording it over me.

He doesn't even need that many colonies.

He's just showing off.

Sir Walter got me this lovely, sweet colony called Roanoke.

Oh, and I loved it.

Nice colour. Thank you, I painted it myself.

But when we sent a ship back to check up on it...

You tell them, Walter. I...

It's gone. Someone stole it because they're jealous of me.

HE SNORTS

Sometimes with these New World colonies it's famine or disease.

No, there were no bodies or evidence of violence. It was just gone.

Are you sure you read the map right, sir?

You wasn't just standing in the wrong bit of the New World?

I mean, I heard it's quite big.

OK, one - I'm Sir Walter Raleigh.

I can read a map, thank you.

Two - all the stuff was there,

it was just the actual people that had disappeared.

Oh... It's not fair. Why can't I just have one nice thing?

Well, we do advise with colonies that you don't leave them unattended

thousands of miles away for years on end. Oh, really?

Maybe next time, put your name on your colony,

people will know whose it is.

Maybe next time, I'll call it Virginia after my nickname.

Sounds very sensible, ma'am. I suppose that...

Shouldn't we inform the families of the missing people?

The families of the missing people. Clever boys.

Yes, and then they can club together and buy me a new colony.

I think it's more so that they can grieve, isn't it?

Why are people so selfish?

SHE WAILS

Is she always like this?

Sometime she throws the swan.

The Colony of Roanoke is now known as the lost colony.

We still don't know where the settlers went.

It's a mystery.

In 1620, 30 years after the people of Roanoke disappeared,

the most famous colony of all was founded

when the legendary Mayflower landed in America.

On board were a group of Puritans

who had crossed the Atlantic to set up a whole new society.

However, there were meant to be two ships.

I'm here with Unity and Ezekiel.

Now, it's a long way to America, so why do it?

It's about religion - a harsh, strict religion

which controls every aspect of our lives.

Yes, that's what we want to get away from.

That's what we want to start, Ezekiel!

Is it?

Yes, a serious religion, not like the namby-pamby Church of England.

We're going to the New World, a society where we can speak to God

directly without distractions like hymns and festivals.

Fingers crossed in time for Christmas.

There won't be a Christmas, Ezekiel.

That's not going to be a thing!

Sorry. Oh!

Well, there they go,

off on the first Puritan ship to visit the New World.

Remember the name, guys, as it will go down in history -

the Speedwell.

Abandon ship!

Breaking news, or should I say leaking news?

The Speedwell really is going down and it's about to BE history.

Oh, here they come.

No-one said this would be easy.

We shall travel on the Mayflower instead. Whoo!

Well, good luck, guys. Something tells me you're going to need it.

Guys? I'm a woman.

How rude!

Want to create a whole new society in service to God?

Then a Mayflower Cruise is for you.

So, come on, put on your favourite hat, pack your Bible,

bring your wife and your slaves - I mean children -

and head off for the New World.

On a Mayflower Cruise, you'll be surrounded by God-fearing Puritans

just like you, but you might want to hide those preachy pamphlets, boyo.

Some passengers are people you wrote about

like criminals escaping the law.

Very wise.

Travelling in very cramped conditions for two months

on rough seas from Plymouth, England, to New Plymouth, America,

Mayflower Cruises guarantee freedom to practise religion

in any way you want,

but we cannot guarantee against boredom, hunger,

disease, death and puking.

Because you'll never want to do it again.

Must we finish this now, Malachi?

I feel so ill.

We must decide the laws of our new society

before we land in Virginia, Ezekiel.

Now, where was I?

We do solemnly, in the presence of God and each other, covenant...

That's not how you spell covenant.

Yes, it is!

Argh! Argh...

Unity, how do you spell covenant?

Argh!

C-O-V-E-N-A-N-T

and you've put dog instead of God.

Oh, praise the Lord and this stinking, nasty,

overcrowded ship he's put us on.

Right, I've fixed the spelling.

Now, about these new laws. We're bound to need some.

Yes, we must plan for the future.

What do you think, Ezekiel?

No, no!

HE VOMITS

Do you want it back? Keep it.

OK, I've got - we will enact, constitute

and frame such just and equal laws

as shall be thought most convenient for the general good of the colony.

All right.

These laws will stand for all until free men vote otherwise.

Free men?

What about free women?

THEY LAUGH

I thought I was leaving for a life free from discrimination

when I joined this trip.

Everyone knows women aren't clever enough to vote!

Oh, right, well, perhaps I'm not clever enough to teach you

how to write the word covenant or to write your own name, Godspeed.

That says Dogs-peed.

Land ahoy! It's Plymouth!

Plymouth?

No, no, no, we left England two months ago.

Have we just gone in a massive squalid, squashed, stinking circle?

I think you'll find it's New Plymouth.

We have reached the New World.

Right, chuck that dog overboard, it can swim the rest of the way.

Argh!

Well, Ezekiel, we've done it.

A land of freedom and self-governance awaits.

Ezekiel? VOMITING

If he dies, can I have his vote?

BOTH: No!

Right, I'm off of this boat.

My days of banging my head are over.

Ow!

Oh!

Can I have his? No, you can't!

When the Puritans on the Mayflower finally landed in New Plymouth,

they set up the Plymouth Rock colony.

It was the society they had dreamt of back home in England

with just one or two minor problems like there was no food or medicine

or shelter and it was really cold and, well, you get the idea.

Luckily for them, they had some very friendly new neighbours.

Hello?

Hello.

I'm Jacob from the Plymouth Rock colony.

You know, we are your new neighbours.

We thought we'd pop round and say hi. Hi!

Ask to borrow something just to break the ice,

so do you have a bowl of sugar we could borrow?

We have maple syrup which we harvest from the trees.

You're welcome to some of that.

You get it from the trees?

Amazing!

Amazing, we have a lot to learn about this country.

A lot.

Food?

Uh... Since we're here, I wonder if you might have anything for scurvy?

Some of our villagers seem to have a slight problem with scurvy.

How slight?

They're dead.

It's a shame, really, because we only lost five on the journey over,

but the lack of food here seems to be finishing us all off.

And we are good farmers, don't get me wrong.

We have a very deep, extensive knowledge of crops

and what are they?

Squash, melon, pumpkin.

These are the crops that grow best here.

That would explain why European crops are doing so badly then.

Is there anything else you need? Erm... No, I think that's it.

I think we're good apart from...

Clothes, water, furniture, fish, shelter, livestock and food.

I think it may just be simpler if we just came down to your village

and showed you how to grow the crops,

hunt the local animals like lobster and eel and basically just...

Stop us all dying. Yes, that.

Great, this is marvellous.

We can have a great get-together, a celebratory feast,

a Thanksgiving dinner to thank God for providing us

with everything we need to survive.

God?

I think it must be their word for us.

You're so funny.

Greetings, I am Tisquantum of the Patuxet tribe,

but you Europeans call me Squanto.

I helped the Mayflower Settlers survive the winter,

but they never could get my name right.

Honestly, it's not that hard.

Anyway, speaking of names, why is America called America?

Is it...

And the answer is...

..C, nobody knows for sure.

Most probably it's named after Italian explorer Amerigo Vespucci,

but others say it's named after Bristol sailor Richard Amerike

or it's a South American tribal word for mountain.

You know who it isn't named after?

Me! But whatever, I'm not bothered.

It's not like I helped America start as a country or anything.

Oh, wait, yes, I did.

Honestly, some people, no gratitude.

And my little one's already sitting up and praying.

Oh, lovely.

Hello, Abigail.

Hi, Constance. Hi, Berenice.

Here we are with our newborn. We've brought so much joy into this world.

Oh, Berenice, you are so innocent. Hm?

It was the Lord who created this joy

which is why I have named my baby Give-Thanks.

Interesting that you're happy to let your child lead a blinkered life.

Oh? It is perhaps foolish to give thanks

when the Lord's work is not yet done.

That's why my baby is called Fight-The-Good-Fight-Of-Faith.

Praise Jesus!

You called? You've met my husband, Praise-Jesus Watkins.

Where is our son?

If-Christ-Had-Not-Died-For-Thee, Thou-Wouldst-Be-Damned Watkins!

He's at home, doing his chores.

Dorcas, what have you named your daughter?

Cyril.

Cyril? That's it? Surely not.

I like Cyril.

Lucifer-Speaks-Through-Her...

..is nicer than Cyril.

I'm only joking!

My baby is called It's-A-Real-Good-Thing-

That-Jesus-Got-Up To-Some-Great-Stuff-

And-Now-Let's-Hear-It-For-God While-We're-At-It,-

Am-I-Right,-Guys?

Johnson.

It's beautiful!

Hallelujah-And-Praise-The-Lord!

Yes, Mum?

What do you want?

Soon, there were 13 successful English colonies right across

the East Coast of America, but the colonists were growing angry

because whilst they still had to pay English taxes on things like tea,

they didn't get a say in the English Parliament that was making the laws.

In December 1773, this anger boiled over into a violent protest

called the Boston Tea Party.

Now, I know it doesn't sound like a protest,

but it started the War of Independence

and the end of British rule in America.

Top o' the morning, laddies!

Aye, Zack Septic-Tank here, but you know that.

"Stop wasting my time, where's the game?"

Right, what have we got today, then?

The Boston Tea Party!

What kind of game is that?

Sounds more like something you'd play with your granny.

We're in 1773 Boston, America.

It's the American colonists up against the British

and it looks like the British government...

Ho-ho-ho!

..are charging loads of cash to the American colonies

for buying and selling tea.

So, I am playing one of the American colonists.

I'm called a son of liberty.

And the mission is to raise a protest about the taxes I guess,

so it looks like the Boston Tea Party is a sort of tax thing.

And we all love a game about taxes, don't we?

OK, so, let's see where this guy's going.

OK.

Whoa! That was actually pretty cool.

All right, now we're all dressed up as native Americans.

ALARM SOUNDS

Wait! Someone set an alarm clock,

because that is not woke!

Ah, who cares? I get to play with little Tomahawks though.

Right, OK, so we're going to the harbour.

Maybe we're going to sail to Britain to complain about the tax.

Wait, me mam's expecting me for dinner in an hour.

Yay! Fighting!

Finally! Right up.

What? What? We're fighting boxes.

Hey, guys, what are you doing?

Is that tea?

You can't throw tea in the harbour, you maniacs.

Fish don't drink tea!

Not without milk, that would be disgusting.

Time for me to destroy me joypad.

Wahey!

Bop-bop-do-pa-do-pa-do! Whoa!

We have thrown a lot of tea into the harbour here.

OK, what is that?

46 tonnes. That's 342 creates.

There's even more than me granny drinks.

Level one complete.

What's level two, lunch?

Uh-oh - boss level.

What? Wait, is that the end of the game?

Oh, OK.

Well, I guess I give it 50 stars out of ten and 13 stripes like the flag.

I'm only kidding, it's about a two.

If I go to a tea party, I expect cake.

Gentlemen...

..you are the elite special forces of the colonial army.

You...are the hammer that will drive a nail through

the heart of King George

and gain independence from the British for the American colonies.

Now, can I get an hoorah?

Hoo...

Is there a problem?

I was just saying that you are the best soldiers

in the American colonies.

Death to America! No!

No, no, we're the Americans.

I thought we were the British.

We were the British. We're now the Americans.

We're fighting the British.

Ah... You miss one meeting!

Let me explain.

Erm... We fought in the Seven Years War...

Where we killed the British?

No, at that point, we were British.

This is kind of complicated, I can't... No, it is not!

Look, we - then British - won a war against the French...

Stay with it!

..then our enemies, and that war cost a lot of money.

King George is taxing us, the British American colonies,

to pay for it, so we are declaring independence from Britain

which would make us Americans and not British

and would mean we don't have to pay taxes any more.

Death to taxes!

Well, there will be taxes.

Lots of them. Aw, come on!

Good old American ones, though, not fusty old British.

OK, so have we got the straight? Hands up if you're an American.

All right, and it's death to the who?

The British.

Yes!

Victory and independence will be ours! Woohoo!

Death to the British! Death to taxes! Guys?

It's the Americans, death to the Americans.

So close this time.

In 1776, Thomas Jefferson wrote the Declaration of Independence.

This was the first step in forming the United States of America.

It stated that the 13 colonies fighting the British were now

free American citizens, but, like many wealthy men, Thomas Jefferson

owned over 100 slaves who worked on his plantation, so, shamefully,

when he said the people were free, he didn't really mean all of them.

There, I have finished my first draft

of the Declaration of Independence.

Would that the independence for the slaves, Mr Jefferson?

All in good time, Jupiter.

We have to free the country from the British first

who are still determined to buy and sell slaves.

Here, let me read it for you.

"We hold these truths to be self-evident,

"that all men are created equal."

What? All men created equal?

Oh, don't be like that.

Sorry, everybody.

It's just a mix-up.

Carry on, please.

So all men were created equal, but then some of the men

enslaved some of the other men and then they weren't equal any more?

All men ain't equal now and that has to stop and I will help to stop it.

Eventually. Look, can I just please finish this?

I mean, you know, feel free to chip in...

"Feel free"?

Oh... That's a real bad choice of words.

"That they are endowed by their creator

"with certain unalienable rights.

"Among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness."

Life... Mm-hm. Liberty? That's right.

And the pursuit of happiness? Mm-hm.

So you're going to ensure that we are happy

and that we can have our liberty and freedom?

Did you hear that? We're going to be free!

No, no, no, no... Hey, guys.

That's just a mix-up.

I am trying to free the slaves,

but I'm also writing a document that will free us

from the biggest empire in the world

at a time when our country relies on slavery to work,

so we can't win the war against the British with their empire

and their slavery without...slavery.

So, please, just give me a break.

Can they have a break, sir?

Of course not. They're slaves.

Oh, fiddlesticks.

It almost looked like I might have a point there, didn't it? Hm.

Well, gentlemen, we've won the War of Independence

and successfully founded the United States of America.

Having defeated the British, Thomas Jefferson

and James Madison are struggling to come up with an official name

for the man now running the country, George Washington.

With that in mind, Sophie and Sebastien have been invited

to come up with some fresh ideas.

OK, guys, we've got ourselves a brand-new country

and what a brand!

USA! USA!

USA! Ow!

Now we've got to do is think of a name for this dude.

Top Banana.

These tell me you're not suggesting Top Banana as a name.

Ha-ha-ha, no!

So dumb.

Can I just check, is it the word banana?

Yes, it was the word banana. Oh...

Unbelievable.

Whoa! Oh, yes!

We have no bananas.

OK, so, guys, how about...

..King? King!

King George... It's nice.

It's kinda familiar, but... Of course it is!

We just fought a war to get rid of one.

Oh, yeah. You can't just replace one King George with another.

I shall not be king. I feel you, brother.

What about just Queen George?

Beautiful.

How about just Queen?

♪ We will, we will rule you! Rule you! ♪

OK, so, you're the guy who presides over the government, yeah?

So how about...? Oh, my gosh, got it.

Government presider.

That's ridiculous.

OK, what about mashing the two words together?

Goverpres?

Or presidement?

President.

Yes, I like that!

But the title has to be humble.

I preside over the people, for the people.

Hashtag HumblePresident? My Little President.

Now, listen, Mr...

Mr! That's it! Mr President.

So understated, so you.

I shall be President of the United States of America.

Brilliant. Who's for karaoke? Me!

Absolutely not.

150 years on from the colonial voyage of the Mayflower,

the United States of America became a nation.

Their leaders had to create a whole new country with laws, government,

taxation and a whole bunch of other very complicated things

that I know very little about.

It was a huge task and the impressive people who pulled it off

became known as the Founding Fathers.

♪ Whoa-oh, whoa, whoa-oh

♪ Oh-oh-oh, Founding Fathers

♪ My ancestors left England

♪ Life there they could not stand

♪ Our gramps and grans left too

♪ For a new life in a new land

♪ The Franklin clan held on till Dad said

♪ Frankly, time to go

♪ At 17, I set sail to where revolution was starting to grow

♪ Us colonists were rising up

♪ No longer Brits, we'd had enough

♪ No tax without representation

♪ Time to rise with our own nation

♪ We led the revolution

♪ Dump Britain, the solution

♪ Older, wiser, stronger, smarter

♪ Each of us a Founding Father

♪ I wrote the Bill of Independence

♪ I led troops to win through defence

♪ I did news Army admin

♪ Together, we founding dads win

♪ Whoa-oh, whoa, whoa-oh

♪ Oh-oh-oh, Founding Fathers

♪ We each brought different talents to the running of the state

♪ I wrote the law

♪ I won the war

♪ And I was simply great

♪ I came up with the swivel chair

♪ Think you're a clever bod?

♪ I built a stove, invented bifocals

♪ And the lightning rod

♪ Making stuff, a skill I lack

♪ Who cares? I raised a load of tax

♪ I'll win their trust I'll write down facts

♪ Unite the States! I play my axe

♪ Built on a revolution

♪ With a proper constitution

♪ You try hard, we'll try harder

♪ Each of us a Founding Father

♪ True, we may be your ascendant

♪ Now that we are independent

♪ Do more trade Grow more crops

♪ Come on, guys, we're the founding pops

♪ Whoa-oh, whoa, whoa-oh

♪ Oh-oh-oh, Founding Fathers

♪ We disagreed on loads, but on one thing we all chime

♪ We got to make America great... For the first time

♪ Started with revolution

♪ American evolution

♪ Seeing off the English baddies

♪ Yes, we are the Founding Daddies

♪ Not bad for a group of lads

♪ Welcome to the founding dads

♪ Got no time for father haters

♪ All praise to the founding paters

♪ Whoa-oh, whoa, whoa-oh

♪ Oh-oh-oh, Founding Fathers

♪ Whoa-oh, whoa, whoa-oh

♪ F-f-f-founding Fathers... ♪