Original subtitles

[Rick sighing]

Hi.

I'm just gonna tell you some shit

that I wish people told me

about 30 years ago before...

I ended up like this.

So...

Guilt.

Come on.

[Rick spitting]

If you feel guilt, don't feel bad.

That actually means you're, like, a good person.

You know, hating yourself is natural.

You hate yourself because you said yes

when you meant no.

My whole fucking life is that.

Saying yes when I meant no, no when I meant yes.

Carrying around guilt.

And that's why psychos run the world.

'Cause they don't give a fuck. They don't feel guilt.

They don't give a shit. They'll fucking kill anybody,

You know, and nice people, we should be killing them

but we don't 'cause we can't deal with the guilt.

Alright, and what do psychos do?

They stay in power by killing loud, nice people.

Martin Luther King. Loud. Nice.

I know he banged a bunch of broads, who gives a fuck?

The guy was fucking up there, crushing it.

If nice people start killing psychos, OK,

maybe then you wouldn't have a swirl of trash the size of Texas

in the middle of the fucking Pacific Ocean.

Do we work on that? No. 'Cause there's psychos in the world

and all they end up doing is trying to keep improvin' golf equipment

so these man-titted fucking cunts

can keep a ball on the fairway!

[funky synth rock instrumental]

[man and woman panting]

- I'm close. WOMAN: Yeah?

- Yeah. - Cum wherever you want.

- What?

- I want you to cum wherever you want.

- Really? WOMAN: Yeah, baby.

- OK.

I'm cumming.

[man grunting]

[man panting]

[woman panting]

- Did you just cum on my mom?

[man sighing]

I want a divorce.

Get out.

Now.

- You said I could... cum wherever I want.

- Get the fuck out, now!

And don't you dare go anywhere near her out there.

[man panting]

[romantic music]

.Jake.

RICK: If you mess up, and you feel guilty,

that means you're a good person and just try to do better.

Apologize and try to do better, but don't let somebody let you--

try to make you carry that shit around for the rest of your life, you know.

Unless you took out a bus full of old people, then, I mean,

I don't know what to tell you at that point, you know?

I mean you fucked up for life.

You should probably kill yourself.

[chair squeaking]

[chair continuously squeaking]

[eerie music]

If you are watching this video, I have been murdered

by the liberal elites. They will do any and everything

to keep the truth from spreading. I don't have much time left.

I have uncovered the epicenter of a human trafficking ring

led by the uber-rich using third-party online sales.

These sick fucks are packaging industrial-level,

high quality furniture with kidnapped women

from around the world including our own US soil.

The names of the furniture

match the names of the missing kidnapped women.

[chair squeaking]

Here, drink this.

It's OK. You're safe now.

[chair squeaking]

[chair continuously squeaking]

[eerie music]