Original subtitles

Do you need a hand?

Be my guest(!)

- Pat Sullivan, - Reggie Betts.

D'you know... I reckon we have a mutual friend.

Joey.

- Joey Brown? - Mmm. Asked me to say hello.

How is he?

He's very hurt about you cutting him out

of that diamond blag of yours.

He always had you down for one of his Merry Men -

certainly no freelance.

He asked me to give you a message.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah, says he's prepared to overlook it this time

just as long as he gets his share.

His share?!

I'm only passing on the message.

Well, when you write to him,

just tell him to ask me again in about eight years' time!

If there's one thing Joey hates, it's to be kept waiting.

You get word out about where you stashed the stuff

and he'll collect it, and he'll look after your share.

You what?!

Reggie, this is one of those "either/or" messages.

Either you do as you're told,

or someone not a million miles from here is under orders to break both your legs.

If you were a villain, who suddenly turned supergrass, where would you choose?

He could hardly ask to be dropped off at his place in Marbella.

- Besides, he likes Jersey. - Really?

Yes, he spent his holidays here last year.

(ENGINE STARTS)

Run the window down, sir.

Disabled, are we?

You are on a disabled bay.

Sorry, love, Crozier... just as I was about to leave.

Er...no, thanks. I've got to leave. Sorry.

Leave?

- Yeah, for London. - Why?

Sorry, I can't tell you.

I see. Oh, well. Thanks for dinner(!)

Oh, don't be like that...

- What do you expect, Jim?! - It's just a one-nighter, that's all.

- Fine. See you when you get back. - At least have a drink. Oh...

Sick, are we?

Not the way you mean, no.

I hate boats - noisy, smelly things.

Why couldn't we have just flown her over?

Because the lady hates to fly, Willy, that's why not, Where is she?

- In the lounge, taking tea. - Oh, how peachy for her(!)

Why the hell does a villain like Reggie Betts

want to drag his mother over to live with him?

Needs must, Willy.

When it got round the East End that Reggie wasn't just out,

but living the life of Riley at Her Majesty's expense,

and grassing like a lawnmower,

suddenly half the villains in London were out shopping

for someone near and dear to him to take it out on.

And who better to start with than his poor, little, grey-haired mother, eh?

Open with ten.

And 20,

Too rich for my blood.

The word was Reggie just got lucky.

He went in for the wages and ended up

with half a million quid's worth of industrial diamonds

that still haven't been recovered.

Not prepared to sing about them!

No. He was "wrongly convicted", wasn't he?

And 100.

(RUSTLING OF BANK NOTES)

Your 100...

plus one...

two...three...

four...

five.

Bloody hell!

- You're bluffing, of course. - Cost you £500 to find out.

Gig! £500!

All right.

What have you got?

Three queens...

Oh, what a shame!

...and two jacks!

Just a minute.

Will you let go of that?

Played before, have we?

Oh, dear!

If there's one thing I can't stand, it's a bad loser.

Aaghh!

Bitch!

Ugh...

Here, mate, hold on! Hold on, I'm a pol...

Naughty!

CROZIER: I said, "Keep a low profile."

I'm surprised you didn't hire a brass band for your arrival.

Don't blame him, Inspector. They started it,

You started it, Mrs Betts, with a nail file.

He said I'd been cheating.

- Had you? - How dare you?!

Well, well! If it isn't you, Superintendent.

- Good trip, Lola? - Quiet, you know...

Reggie's out in the garden.

Thank you, You can be trusted with those, can you, Sergeant?

He's not staying here, is he?

- We are in the wrong racket, Willy, - Yep!

Just as long as he keeps talking.

(INTERCOM BUZZES)

Yeah?

SECRETARY: Mr Ranzen on the line from Jersey, Mr Brown.

Put him through.

- Mr Brown? - Yeah.

I've found him.

- About time too. - (BROWN HANGS UP)

(RADIO PLAYS THE POLICE: De Do Do Do, De Da Da Da)

Mum!

Do you realise you and your big mouth...? They have practically contracts out on us!

Far be it from me to intrude on this touching little family reunion.

Get out!

What did he look like, then?

Big bastard...and ugly. I mean, face to turn the milk sour.

Sullivan...?

Sullivan?

- Sullivan? - You know him?

Oh, yes! Quite the lad. Horrible looking, mind.

What his wife was thinking of when she agreed to marry him, I do not know.

Known him for years, ever since he was a woodentop, Sergeant.

Trained him myself.

What do you reckon?

Do you think they're gonna let you stay on 'ere for ever?

Why not? Guaranteed police protection for life.

When they've squeezed you dry,

you'll be lucky if you end up in a council flat in Wolverhampton!

What was I supposed to do, then? Sit and wait to have me legs broke?

- What you've always done - come to me, - To YOU?!

- I'd have got Joey off your back. - Forget it!

All my own work, that job. My very own private pension scheme.

So what you gonna do now, eh, Reggie?

Or haven't you thought it through that far?

You may be happy to drink yourself to death in Cemetery-on-Sea, but I'm not.

From where I'm standing, I'd say you didn't have a lot of choice.

Reggie, half a million quid's worth of stones

can buy a lot of choice and security.

Me and Tony'd be happy to handle negotiations for you.

Why, Mummy! What big eyes you've got!

- Don't you trust me? - Mum...

with that sort of money, you're the last person I'd trust.

- There you are. - Thank you.

Nnn! This tea's terrible!

Hobson and Young.

- Is Susan there, please? - Hang on, I'll get her. ...Susie!

Willy, when did you join?

- Join? - Yes, join...us...here...when?

Yesterday? Day before?

Yesterday? It's been nearly four months.

In that case, you should have learned to tell the difference.

- Difference? - That TEA happens to be coffee.

Still tastes terrible!

- Jim? - Yeah...right...

- Hello? - Hi, Susan!

Look, how do you fancy eating out tonight?

Are you sure about this?

- How do you mean? - You're not likely

to get suddenly dragged off again, between the steak Diane

and the chocolate pudding?

Seven o'clock, all right? Be ready.

It's not a wind-up, Jim. You're the one she's asked for.

Like the old song says, "Whatever Lola wants."

To do what?

Keep an eye on her. Be her very own minder.

Why me?

She's very impressed with the way you handled yourself on the boat.

It seems she has a fatal weakness for handsome young men,

handy with their mitts.

When it was pointed out we'd all be a lot happier if she had her very own policeman,

your name came top of her list.

- Oh, forget it. - Sorry, Jim. I can't do that.

You mean this woman just snaps her fingers and we all go running?

- You do, yes. - And if I refuse?

Don't be silly.

Thanks a bunch, Barney(!)

Don't thank me, thank the Chief.

Oh...and, er, Stevenson thinks it would make a lot of sense

if you were to move in up there - be on the spot.

Just in case your services are required in the middle of the night.

- That wouldn't include tonight, would it? - Afraid so, Jim.

And every other night till the bloody woman's off the island.

- Sorry and all that. - No, you're not.

You're enjoying every moment, aren't you?

Who? Me?

TANNOY: BA 5145 to London, boarding now at Gate 3.

It's lovely! Where did you get it?

It belonged to my Aunt Eleanor.

It'll do a damn sight more for your wrist than it ever did for hers.

(TV WILDLIFE COMMENTARY PLAYS)

Let's get down to details, then.

He hasn't so much as stuck his nose out, Mr Brown, since he got here.

- Guards? - Two or three of the filth.

What about the house?

High walls all the way round. Guards on the door.

Not easy, Mr Brown.

- Have you got a camera? - No.

Well, get one!

- Tonight?! - I'm afraid so, yes.

What, you mean, JUST for tonight?

- No. Not necessarily. - I see.

Do I get to know where you are? What you're doing?

Susan, you know if I could tell you, I would.

- Just tell me one thing, Jim. - What?

This wasn't the "occasion" was it?

What do you mean, "occasion"?

- For bringing me out to dinner. - No, no! Of course it wasn't.

I'm sorry.

If it's that important to you, what the hell, I'll tell you what I'm doing.

No, no! Not if you're under orders not to.

Besides, that's not the point, is it? Not really.

Excuse me, would you care for more coffee?

No, thanks.

What is the point?

In a grisly sort of way, this just about crystallises everything.

Encapsulates the entire problem.

What problem?

OUR problem, Jim. The one we have - the one we never get round to sorting out.

Oh, you mean my job, do you?

- That's part of it, yes. - Do you want me to jack it all in?

Of course I don't. That's the last thing I want.

Well, what do you want?

I suppose, in the beginning, I simply didn't realise...

...just how important it is.

Because it's more than just a job to you, isn't it, Jim? It's more a way of life.

Probably why you're so good at it.

Which is why...I have to decide...

Decide what?

Whether I want to be part of it.

Whether I can cope with being part of it

on any sort of a permanent basis.

- And do you think you can't? - I think I need to think about it.

Which is something I can't do sharing a bed with you every night.

If it's that bad, wouldn't the sensible thing be for me to leave altogether?

Perhaps that would be best. For the moment.

Is this the best it can do?

Along this stretch, yes.

We ARE in a mood this morning!

You can always complain. Have me transferred.

You'd like that, wouldn't you?

Right! Pull over, Sergeant.

- Smile, please, - What?

- Thank you, Sergeant. What's it called? - Bonne Nuit Bay.

Bonne Nuit Bay? Mmm.

And is it possible to get a drink this time of day in Bonne Nuit Bay?

Yes, all right.

Is there a Mrs Bergerac?

- There used to be. - Nosey old ratbag, ain't I?

(LAUGHS)

Chokes you, does it? Having to chauffeur me around?

No more than it chokes you having a son that's a snout.

(CLICKING)

And he said, "It's all right for you, but my truncheon got all wet."

(LAUGHS) You young cops! A cup of tea and you're anybody's!

- Cheers, Lola! - (PHONE TINKLES)

Excuse me.

Hello, Susan.

- How are you? - All right.

Did you sleep all right?

I missed you, Sergeant.

My stuff round the flat -

you don't mind if I pop in and out to pick the odd thing up?

Feel free.

- And you're all right, are you? - Oh, yes,

- Well, I'll see you around. - Bye, Jim.

Bye,

Sergeant?

- Yes, Why not? - Giving you a hard time, is she?

It's none of your business.

Thank you.

Is this just tea and sympathy, or is it something else?

- Millionaires. - Pardon?

Thicker on the ground here than anywhere in the UK, right?

- Yes, - Good. Cos I want to meet one.

Lola, I was asked to look after you, not provide you with boyfriends.

I just want to meet one, that's all.

There must be someone!

Well, yeah. I suppose there is one, yeah.

(BAND PLAYS: Alexander's Ragtime Band)

All in aid of police charities, Jim?

There you are, my dear!

One beef steak bien cuit, with just a whisper of garlic.

Jim! Glad you could make it!

Oh...

Hello!

Lola, can I introduce you to one of our famous Jersey millionaires?

- Lola, this is Charlie Hungerford, - Hello,

Lola. Well, what a delightful name.

Thank you.

- The ladies' is through the glass doors? - That's right.

If you'd excuse me. ...Jim,

Right little charmer you've got there, Jim!

She's a bit old for me, Charlie, but I think she's right in your ballpark.

- Is she married? - A widow.

Really?

Jim, got a minute, have you?

Excuse me, Charlie,

Are you out of your tiny mind?

- Sorry? - What the hell's the idea?

- I'm just following orders. - Whose orders?

Yours.

I mentioned the barbecue. She wanted to come, and "whatever Lola wants..."

- Are you trying to...? - No, no, no!

- Hello, Inspector. - Hello, Mrs Betts.

Lovely party.

- Yes. - And in such a good cause, too!

Oh, yes, one of my favourites.

In fact, to policemen everywhere!

May each and every one of them get everything that's coming to them.

I'll certainly drink to that!

- Cheers, Lola, - (LAUGHTER NEARBY)

Excuse me,

(CHUCKLING)

Simon, be a dear, go and organise some food for us, will you?

Oh, of course! Excuse me.

That's right. Run along, Simon, dear!

If you're going to be rude, you can excuse me as well.

- Is he a friend of yours? Simon? - We work together, that's all.

- He had a couple of tickets. - How very...er...cosy.

Not that any explanation is necessary. Excuse me.

That's her, is it?

It's still none of your business.

We want that squealing Reggie bastard dead, right?

Before he puts us all inside, right?

So?

What I say is crash right in there...

with shooters if necessary, and get the job finished.

I mean, if the odd copper gets in the way, that's just too bad, right?

And that's the way you'd do it?

Definitely.

Yeah, well...

You always was as subtle as a JCB, weren't you, Rodney?

(LAUGHS)

I don't know what you're laughing at, Robert,

cos it was you who cocked it up in the first place.

Wasn't it?

Now, then...

Rodney's method would be one way, I suppose.

However, all the time our Reggie's holed up here,

then we don't have a hope in hell of making a hit.

So...if Mohammed won't come down the mountain,

then the mountain has to go to Mohammed.

Well...if not the mountain, then certainly Mohammed's mother!

I'll be there, Tony. Bye.

- Where do you think you're going? - Shops. All right, is it?

Not without me, it isn't.

Be all right for a couple of minutes, will you?

Have to be. Where she works, is it?

Two minutes, OK?

Excuse me, I wonder if you could help me.

I'll try.

See, I've just been kicked out of my present accommodation,

and I may be in the business for somewhere else...

I see.

Yes, and this might just be me.

- I'll get the details. - No, I've read the details.

- Could you show me around? - I'm sure somebody will be available.

No, it has to be YOU, I think.

Oh? Why?

Well, apart from anything else, I would value your opinion.

When would you like to view the property?

Only I realise just what busy lives you policemen do lead,

Tomorrow at noon?

Right.

Oh...and I'm sorry about yesterday.

Me, too.

- Well? - No, there's no sign of her.

- Who are they? - Joey's boys.

They're on to him already?

- Don't worry. - Don't worry?!

Handling Reggie's one thing. Joey Brown's something else. I'm worried for you.

Don't be. You just stay on the end of this and I'll do the rest.

Love you.

You, too, Mum.

- Oi! Where the hell have you been? - Shopping.

Hold these, will you?

Right. Let's go through it again, shall we?

Her bodyguard takes himself off and goes into this shop.

- Right?! - Right.

Leaving Ma Betts... GET UP!

...to wander the streets of St Helier alone...and unprotected.

And not only do you goons not manage to snatch her...

...you manage to LOSE HER AS WELL!

Sorry, Mr Brown.

(WHISPERS) Sorry?

Sorry?!

I'm surrounded by imbeciles!

IMBECILES!

It's absolutely out of the question.

Listen, Inspector, I didn't ask to come over to this dump

and nothing I've seen makes me wanna stay.

So don't tell me who I can and can't go out with.

Does Charlie know who you are?

- Why? Are you thinking of telling him? - I wasn't.

But Jim might feel it his duty to as his ex son-in-law.

Feel free, Jim, only I'm on the next boat back.

Look, Lola, be reasonable, A bit of shopping is one thing,

but nightclubbing with Charlie Hungerford is something else altogether!

You do realise you could be putting Reggie's life in danger?

Doesn't that bother you?

Which of you two will tell Stevenson that Reggie's mummy's done a runner?

You're impossible!

I haven't even started yet.

( # STEVIE WONDER: Isn't She Lovely?)

# Isn't she wonderful? Isn't she precious?

# Less than one minute old

# I never thought through love we'd be

# Making one as lovely as she

# But isn't she lovely, made from love? #

In business for yourself, are you, then?

Well, I've sort of retired.

But the boys keep up the old family tradition.

Really? What line of business are they in?

- Removals, mostly. - Furniture, that kind of thing?

Anything they can lay their hands on, really.

Oh. And there's a bob or two in that, is there?

Can be. Business, it's all about taking your chances, isn't it, Charlie?

- Oh, right! - I mean...

I don't expect you made yours without cutting the odd corner, right?

Well, let's just say I might have clipped the odd kerb once or twice, eh?

(CONVERSATION DROWNED BY MUSIC)

- Jim! What the hell are you doing here?! - Don't ask,

CHARLIE: Oh, aye! Right! Sure! Enough said!

Only, just for a minute there,

I thought it were me and Lola you were keeping your eye on.

Whatever next(?)

Right!

# ..Isn't she lovely?

# Life and love are the same... #

(LOLA AND CHARLIE LAUGHING)

CHARLIE: My, that was a grand evening.

Haven't enjoyed myself so much for years!

(TYRES SCREECHING)

Hey!

Oh!

(BOTTLES CLANKING)

Ah!

Get her in the car.

Why didn't you call for assistance?

Because there wasn't time.

What are you doing about finding Lola? That's what I want to know!

I suppose, Charlie, you had the presence of mind to get the number of the car,

did you, as they drove off with her?

Well, no, I mean...

Your son...

Reginald...

...is a cretin,

Have you only just realised that, Joey? A clever boy like you?

Big talker...

just like your son.

Note the stretch marks round the mouth.

You're in big trouble.

Not half as much as you are if you lay one finger on me.

Are you threatening me?

Depends.

On what?

On whether we can come to a better arrangement.

Lola... Lola, do you feel up to telling us what happened?

Yeah.

They took me to this house, right?

He just...gave me this pill.

It was to knock me out, you know.

In the middle of the night, I came round.

I was in the cellar.

The door was locked, but there was a window that had been left open.

- How careless(!) - Yeah...right.

I suppose you have no idea where it is?

I think I can remember. Er...

Winds...something.

Yeah. Cross Winds.

Biscuits in the tin.

(RINGING TONE)

- MAN: Yeah? - How are we doing?

On their way.

Oh, I'm sorry. Obviously got the wrong address.

Sorry.

Second door on the right.

Twist...

I'm caught! I'm caught!

Oi!

Had to be Lola.

She'd never shop her own son?!

What? Not even for half a million quid?

Well, it's...it's really quite a simple choice after all, isn't it, Reggie?

I mean - your mother

or the diamonds.

So...

Think of a number between one and ten.

Six.

Six...

Yeah, that's nice.

Six...five...

four...

three...

- Reggie, tell him! - ...two...

- All right, all right! - (CLICK)

(LAUGHING)

Not funny!

She's been in on it from the beginning?

Not necessarily. Otherwise, why bother having herself kidnapped?

But this story about escaping from a cellar

is just that - it's a story put about by her and Joey Brown.

Ah-ha! A deal?

Yeah. Reggie's life and freedom

in return for showing them where the diamonds were.

Showing them? You mean, they're going to try and get him back to England?

- No, no, not necessarily. - Sorry, you've just lost me.

Well, you said Reggie had a home in Marbella, right?

Yet last year he came over here for a holiday.

Yeah?

Well, it doesn't figure, does it? Unless Reggie had some pressing reason.

Such as finding somewhere to hide the loot.

It's very handy for the Continent, Jersey.

- True. - And that would explain

- why he chose to go to ground here. - In Jersey.

And scarpered first chance he got, picking up the diamonds en route.

Wouldn't that be your plan?

- And Lola's been in on that as well? - Why not?

(PHONE RINGING)

For you. Personal call.

- Hello? - SUSAN: Where ARE you?

"The cottage, tomorrow at noon"?!

I'm sorry, Susan.

Something came up.

Of course it did! Goodbye, Jim.

Thank you.

Thank you, Reggie.

And thank you, Lola!

As long as I get my share.

Eh?

JOEY: Did you hear that?

Lola wants her share.

We'll post it to you, darling, all right? After I've had these processed.

You shifty bastard.

You can talk, Mum!

Reggie's got a point there, you know, Lola,

cos we'd never have made it without you.

Now...

Where was I?

Oh, yeah!

Reggie...I knew there was something.

You said you'd let him go. That was the deal.

Yeah, well, you know you can never believe a word I say.

You didn't really think we'd let him trot back to our mutual friend, Stevenson,

with more amazing revelations, did you?

(GUN COCKING)

Now, I want you to realise, Reggie...

...that this is going to hurt you

far more than it's going to hurt me.

All right, drop it!

Don't tempt me, Joey!

Don't just stand there, stupid!

Oh...

...before I forget...

Now, back off!

(PHONE RINGING)

Bureau des Étrangers.

- I've got information for you, Jim. - Oh, yeah?

Anything like the last lot, is it?

Do you want it or not?

Hang on,

Stranded where?

Right.

- Boyfriend? - Good-looking, an' all!

- Bonne Nuit Bay? - That's it.

What?!

Well, how did you think we was getting back to England - water-skis(?)

What, all of 'em? Joey Brown as well?

According to Lola, yeah.

Get somebody over there.

Why didn't you tell me you had it all worked out?

Like you told me the arrangements you made with Tony behind my back(?)

Here, what have you been telling her?

Lots.

Including the bit about leaving me behind.

- So who took this, then? - Lola.

Well, it's a good shot of the jetty.

You wouldn't really leave me here, Mum, would you?

- You'd have left me. - If Tony told you that, he was lying!

I don't believe you!

Look, if that was the plan, why did I get you sent over here, then?

- You didn't. That was the filth's idea. - Mum!

Just one more step, just one, and I blow her brains out!

He wouldn't have the nerve.

Reggie...

Give me the gun.

Pathetic.

Oh, you're not serious(?)

What I'm not, Jim, is Reggie here.

Go!

(ENGINE REVVING)

Always was your favourite, eh, Mum?

Definitely.

Yeah, well, it's certainly the sort of place I'm looking for.

Right. I'll leave these with you, then.

Yeah. Thanks very much.

Oh, and will you tell Susan I hope her "cold" gets better soon?

Thanks. Cheers.

- Bye. - Bye.