Original subtitles

♪ Here's the story ♪

♪ Of a lovely lady ♪

♪ Who was bringing up ♪

♪ Three very lovely girls ♪

♪ All of them had hair of gold ♪

♪ Like their mother ♪

♪ The youngest one in curls ♪

♪ It's the story of a man named Brady ♪

♪ Who was busy with three boys of his own ♪

♪ They were four men living all together ♪

♪ Yet they were all alone ♪

♪ Till the one day when the lady met this fellow ♪

♪ And they knew that it was much more than a hunch ♪

♪ That this group must somehow form a family ♪

♪ That's the way we all became the Brady Bunch ♪

♪ The Brady Bunch ♪

♪ The Brady Bunch ♪

♪ That's the way we became the Brady Bunch. ♪

Captioning sponsored by PARAMOUNT TELEVISION

Hi, Alice.

Hi, Mom.

Oh, Greg, you got it.

Yes.

Can you put it on for us?

Not now. Oh, please.

Come on, give us a sneak preview.

Oh, okay.

( doorbell chimes )

BOBBY: I'll get it.

Oh, my son the scholar.

Do I look okay?

Oh, Alice, isn't he handsome?

I just can't believe

you're finishing high school.

Seems like only yesterday he was just starting.

The way I figure my age, it was.

Yeah, and just think, four more years

he'll be graduating from college.

If I make the grades.

Oh, you'll make the grades, all right.

You're sure, huh?

Sure, because you'll have the incentive.

If you don't, we'll kill you.

It came! It came!

It finally came.

What came?

This package.

What's in this package

is going to make me a million bucks.

BOBBY: How about that?

CAROL: You are going to make

a million dollars from... hair tonic?

( laughing )

it's not just hair tonic.

It's Neat and Natural Hair Tonic.

"If you want to look neat

this can't be beat."

I've never heard of it. Me either.

You can't buy it in stores--

only from us independent dealers.

Bobby, how do you plan to make

a million dollars from this?

Very simple.

I bought each bottle for a dollar

and the Neat and Natural company

guarantees that I can sell

each one for two dollars.

So I sell all 24 bottles, I make $24.

I sell a million bottles, I make a million dollars.

I think he's been using that stuff

on his own head, and it went soft.

Bobby, how did you get involved in something like this?

These things are just gimmicks to get your money.

Not this one.

There was a big ad in my magazine.

( SCOFFING ): Going to hake a million dollars with that junk.

Boy, is he dumb.

He's going into college

and doesn't even know a thing about business.

I'm going to be a millionaire like Bobby.

I think that one millionaire in the family is enough.

Just how do you plan to make your millions, Cindy?

I got the idea

passing Mr. Kirby's pet shop.

I'm going to raise rabbits.

You're going to raise rabbits?

Sure. On account of how they multiply.

Cindy, I hope you understand

that Romeo and Juliet

are going to be your responsibility.

Don't worry, Mom.

I'll take really good care of them.

I'll keep them right up in my room.

What about your two sisters?

They can stay, too.

I was referring to the noise and the smell.

Don't worry. The rabbits will get used to it.

Cindy, I think it would be a lot less complicated

if we move the rabbits onto the service porch.

That's even a better idea.

Do you hear that?

You're going to get first-floor accommodations.

Now watch me.

Play close attention to my expert sales technique

and learn.

( doorbell rings )

Madam, are you tired

of you hair being an unruly mess?

Dry...? brittle...?

That's not hard to learn.

Hey, Bobby, the sign says "no peddlers or agents."

Does that mean us?

'Course not. We're salesmen.

( doorbell rings )

Yes?

Sir, would you like to buy...?

Can't you read, kid?

The sign says "No peddlers nor agents."

Yeah, but I'm a salesman.

A salesman's a peddler. Now scram.

Hey then, sir, maybe you could talk to Oliver here.

Oh, you're not a peddler or agent?

No, sir.

What are you?

I'm just a little boy.

What do you want?

It's not what we want, sir.

It's what you want--

a bottle of Neat and Natural Hair Tonic.

It keeps your hair well-groomed all day.

I'm a night watchman.

I sleep all day.

Well, it works at night, too.

Sorry. I'm not interested.

But, sir...

Sir, don't you want to look

well-groomed for your job?

I told you, I'm a night watchman.

Who needs to look good for a burglar?

Well, if the burglar scares you

this'll keep your hair from standing on end.

Not my hair.

Bye-bye.

Hi, honey.

How goes the millionaire business?

Awful. I didn't make a single sale.

Well, after all, it's only your first day.

Yeah, and it's also my last day.

You don't mean you're quitting.

Yeah. I'm a failure.

Bobby, you stop that.

Listen, you know, there's an old saying:

"Quitters never win, and winners never quit."

Yeah. That's corny, mom.

Well, it may be corny, but it's also true.

Listen, honey, the great ones never quit

no matter how rough things get.

Now take Thomas Edison, for instance.

Did he quit?

No.

How about the Wright Brothers--

did they quit?

No.

And how about Carl Mahakian?

Carl Mahakian? Never heard of him.

That's right, because he quit.

It's a joke.

Anyway, I am trying to prove a point.

If you really believe in something--

if you really want to do it--

you've got to hang in there.

Boy, I wish I had as much confidence in me as you do.

Thanks for the advice, Mom.

Well, it's a little big, but you'll grow into it.

Boy, giving me your letterman sweater--

I really appreciate it, Greg.

Well, I'm graduating

and you'll be going to Westdale.

But this letter comes off.

You'll have to earn your own.

Don't worry, I'll earn one in some sport.

Yeah, chasing girls.

Hi.

( mumbles ): Hi.

What's the matter with you?

I'm a failure-- that's what's the matter with me.

Bob, you're not old enough to be a failure... yet.

Well, I got an early start.

You didn't sell any of your hair tonic, huh?

Not a drop.

Cheer up. You'll sell some.

Are you kidding?

I couldn't sell a bag of peanuts

to a starving elephant.

Uh, Bobby, look, I been thinking... you're right--

I got to look my best for graduation.

I really need a bottle of that stuff.

You're just doing it

'cause you feel sorry for me.

No, look-- my hair's unruly.

It's dry and brittle.

Right, Peter?

It's practically a fire hazard.

I'd like to buy a bottle, Bobby.

Are you sure you're not doing it

just out of charity?

Would I give up my hard-earned cash

if I didn't really want it?

I guess not-- you're pretty cheap.

Thanks.

( laughing )

Hey, Peter, you could use a bottle, too, huh?

Sorry. There's something

I got to do right away.

What?

Leave.

Boy, some brother.

Oh, that'll be two dollars.

Oh, yeah.

Two dollars!

Oh, all right.

You're welcome.

Oh, yeah.

Hey, aren't you going to put some of that on?

Yeah. Later.

See, just like I thought-- you're just doing it

because you feel sorry for me.

Bobby, I said I didn't.

Well, then, put some on.

Oh, okay.

Here, I'll help you. I can do it myself.

I want to give you free customer service.

Uh, Bobby, I can do it myself.

I just want to make sure it's done right.

Don't worry, I'll do it right.

That's not enough.

I want you to be an example

for the whole neighborhood to see.

Bobby, not so much!

It's all right.

Don't worry about using too much.

You know where you can always get more.

Use this stuff twice a day

and you'll be Mr. Cool of Westdale High.

This stuff is...

Hey, Bobby, what's the towel for?

It's, uh... good for your hair follicles.

See you later.

Where you going?

( door slams )

Oh, no!

Orange!

Tomorrow's graduation, and I got... orange hair!

Hey, Greg, what are you doing down there?

I want Bobby-- I'm going to clobber him.

( laughing ): Do you know your hair's orange?

( Growls )

what happened?

Bobby's hair tonic.

You're sure going to be a standout student at graduation.

Very funny.

( laughing )

Has either of you seen Bobby?

Greg, what happened to your hair?

Bobby's hair tonic.

Bobby's hair tonic?

You mean you actually bought some of that junk?

Only because I felt kind of sorry for him.

Now I really feel sorry for him,

because he's about to have a fatal accident.

Greg, do you want to borrow this

for your graduation?

It'll match your hair.

My assistant has to help me feed them

and keep their cage clean.

You want the job?

How much does it pay?

Ten cents for each baby rabbit I sell.

Boy, I'd make a lot of money

except I already have a job as Bobby's assistant.

Have you seen Bobby?

No.

Ooh, what happened to your hair?

This junk.

Ooh, I'm going tear him limb from limb when I find him.

I think I'll be your assistant.

Bobby doesn't have much of a future now.

Okay, you feed Romeo and I'll feed Juliet.

All right, now, which one is which?

Gee, I'm not sure.

Well, how's everything going in Bunnyland?

Not so good.

We can't figure out which one's Romeo

and which one's Juliet.

Well, Juliet's the fat one.

She's the one who's going to have the babies.

But they're both fat.

Maybe they're both going to have babies!

No, I doubt that.

Well, why?

Well... um...

Romeos don't have babies.

Why not?

Well, um...

I'll explain it to you after dinner, Oliver, okay?

You know something, Cindy?

What?

I think your mom has a problem about discussing sex.

( humming )

what are you doing there?

Hiding from Greg.

Why?

You don't know?

Know what?

He's planning to eliminate

one of your dependents-- me!

What are you talking about?

GREG: Mom!

Have you seen...

There he is.

Greg... oh, my goodness.

I don't believe...

Greg, wait a minute.

What happened to your hair?

This happened to my hair.

Now, you stand still!

No... I just don't want to get killed.

Wait a minute. Let's not have any bloodshed.

Yeah, especially my blood.

Come here!

Greg, stop it!

What am I going to do about my hair?

I don't know. Leave your brother alone

and we'll try to figure something out.

I knew something like this was going to happen, Bobby.

Why didn't you tell me?

Well... here, let me see the bottle.

There's an address here.

Now look, why don't we call

the Neat and Natural Hair Tonic company?

Maybe this happened to some of their other customers.

Good thinking, Mom.

Yeah, good thinking. I'll try information.

Greg, I'm really sorry.

I didn't know something like this

was going to happen.

Yeah, I guess you couldn't know.

Of course not.

It could have been worse.

I'd like to know how.

It could have turned green.

Thanks.

You're real comforting.

I see.

Yeah. Thank you, operator.

Well, the Neat and Natural company

had its phone disconnected.

Oh, Bobby, I knew it was going to be

some sort of shady outfit.

I was really a jerk

to fall for that ad in the magazine.

Well, what am I going to do about tomorrow, Mom?

It's graduation!

Well, Greg, have you tried to wash that stuff

out of your hair?

No, I've been too busy looking for this dumbhead.

So, for your sake, it better work.

Oh, Bobby, you better say your prayers.

It didn't work.

I washed it five times and it didn't work.

Well, at least you got squeaky-clean hair.

I bet it grows out in six to eight months.

Fantastic.

Now, what do I do in the meantime?

Well, you could shave your head

and pretend you're a bowling ball.

He looks like Lucille Ball.

It didn't wash out, huh, honey?

If anything, it got brighter orange.

Well, look I called the Better Business Bureau

about that Neat and Natural Hair Tonic company.

Well, what did they say?

The FDA closed them down.

Oh, well, now is a great time to find out.

Well, there is one consolation.

I mean, outside of the color

it's not going to hurt your hair or your scalp.

What about graduation?!

I can't go out in public like this.

Well, I do have a solution.

It might be a little embarrassing,

but I think it'll work.

Mother, I couldn't possibly get

any more embarrassed than I already am.

Mom, if anybody sees me in here...

Couldn't we just go home and do the dye job?

And make it look worse than it is?

No, Greg, we've got to let a professional do it.

Look, wait here. I'll see if I can

get him to do it in private, okay?

Okay... hurry up.

All right.

GIRL: I'm not sure I like this hairstyle.

Gretchen, it's going to look great

and it's going to look so good with your dress.

There's Greg.

Greg Brady in a beauty parlor?

Hi, Greg.

Hi, Suzie

Gretchen.

Well, what are you doing here?

Getting our hair done for graduation tonight.

What are you doing here?

Uh... I'm just waiting for my mother.

Isn't the weather a little warm

to be wearing a ski hat?

Not if you're going skiing.

But there's no snow this time of year.

Well, no sense waiting till the last minute.

Uh, don't let me hold you two girls up.

I'm sure you have more important things to do.

Greg, you're acting very strange.

"Weird" is more the word.

Look, something's up.

Can you two keep a secret?

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

You see, I came in here with my mother

because she has this problem...

are you sure you can keep a secret?

Oh, sure.

Positive.

Okay...

GREG: Can I trust you not to breathe a word...?

Greg... Greg, listen, they...

Hi, girls. Hi.

Can she take care of it in private, Mom?

Yes, but I thought it was our secret.

Oh, don't worry.

Suzie and Gretchen won't tell.

Oh, never!

Wild horses couldn't drag it out of us.

Sweet.

See you at graduation, girls.

Let's go, Mom.

Bye.

BOTH: Bye.

Could you tell that Mrs. Brady was wearing a wig?

Never.

Who would ever think that, underneath it

that poor woman's completely bald.

Hi, kids. How did it go at the pet shop?

Awful. Mr. Kirby said Juliet can't have babies.

What's her problem?

She's not a her. He's a him.

That's quite a problem.

Now I'm stuck with two Romeos and no Juliet.

I think you better change their name.

How about Romeo and Julius?

Mr. Kirby won't buy back Romeo and Julius.

How come?

He says he has too many rabbits already.

Boy, am I a loser.

Quit complaining. I'm a two-time loser.

You guys are about to see a fortune go down the drain.

What are you going to do?

Mom told me to pour it all out.

There goes my millions.

Well, that's life-- just like that

from Diamond Jim to Bankrupt Bobby.

Sorry about that.

I'm bankrupt, too, Bobby.

Oh, yeah?

How come?

Because Juliet's a boy

and Mr. Kirby's a fink.

In other words, my rabbits can't have babies

and Mr. Kirby won't buy them back.

GREG: Okay, Bobby...

you're off the hook.

Greg, your hair's back to normal!

That's great!

Bobby!

Look what you're doing!

I... I... I'm really sorry.

I'll get a towel. I'll dry them off.

Hey, look!

CINDY: That stuff turned them orange.

Don't worry. The tonic won't hurt them.

Mom checked it out.

Yeah, but what am I going to do

with orange rabbits?

Maybe mom will get them an appointment

at the beauty parlor.

I think I've got it.

What?

The solution to our millionaire problems!

This is fantastic!

I knew it would work, you guys.

Bobby's the greatest!

He's a financial genius.

What happened? Where'd you get the check?

We sold Cindy's rabbits

back to Mr. Kirby at the pet shop.

I thought Mr. Kirby had enough rabbits.

Enough ordinary rabbits, but not orange ones.

Neat and Natural orange.

Don't tell me those rabbits got into the shower with Greg.

I got all my money back, too, Mom.

How?

See, I sold the rest of my hair tonic to Mr. Kirby

so he can make more orange rabbits.

It's harmless and it'll grow out. You said so.

Yeah.

You know, I got an idea.

If we bought a carload of rabbits

and a carload of that hair tonic...

oliver, that's a fantastic idea!

Bobby.

How could you think of such a stupid idea?

What are we going to do with the money?

I know. I saw it in an ad in the newspaper.

We could make a fortune

raising worms!

OLIVER: You mean orange worms!

( Kids shouting excitedly )

Oh, Greg, we are so proud of you

graduating with honors.

Too bad your father was out of town

and had to miss it.

I'll break out the ice cream and cake

so we can celebrate.

Good idea Alice.

Hey, can you believe it?

Have you decided

what college you're going to yet?

No, not yet.

You two are just going to have to wait and see who gets my room.

I know what to do with your room,

so they won't have to fight over it.

What's that, Oliver?

Make it into a guest room.

Who'd be the guest?

Me-- Cousin Oliver.

Well, gosh, it was only a suggestion.

Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org