Original subtitles

♪ Here's the story ♪

♪ Of a lovely lady ♪

♪ Who was bringing up ♪

♪ Three very lovely girls ♪

♪ All of them had hair of gold ♪

♪ Like their mother ♪

♪ The youngest one in curls ♪

♪ It's the story of a man named Brady ♪

♪ Who was busy with three boys of his own ♪

♪ They were four men living all together ♪

♪ Yet they were all alone ♪

♪ Till the one day when ♪

♪ The lady met this fellow ♪

♪ And they knew that it was ♪

♪ Much more than a hunch ♪

♪ That this group must ♪

♪ Somehow form a family ♪

♪ That's the way we all ♪

♪ Became the Brady Bunch ♪

♪ The Brady Bunch ♪

♪ The Brady Bunch ♪

♪ That's the way we became ♪

♪ The Brady Bunch. ♪

Captioning sponsored by PARAMOUNT TELEVISION

Oh, hey, Mrs. Brady, take a look at this.

My horoscope for today:

"You will find yourself involved in a new romance."

It's going to create a problem.

Why, Alice?

Because no one's

got me involved in my old romance.

Mom! Alice!

Ta-da! Behold a celebrity.

Gee, I hate to see the kids

come dragging in from school

in all that gloom.

Don't tell me.

You passed your driver's education test.

Not only did I pass

I got the highest score in the class.

Oh, Marcia, that's wonderful.

I'm so proud of you.

I'm proud of me, too.

I've got to tell Greg the good news.

You got to be kidding.

I'm not kidding!

You outscored everybody in Driver's Ed?

Even the guys?

Now, that's a typical male chauvinist reaction.

You're prejudiced against women drivers.

No, I'm not.

Not as long as they stay off the roads.

Boy, are you prejudiced.

It's not prejudice.

It's just that men are naturally superior drivers.

Would you like to back that statement up

with a bet, Mr. Male Chauvinist?

Anytime. Okay.

I'll bet you that I get a higher score

on my driver's license exam than you got.

You're funnier than Lucille Ball.

What do you want to bet?

Well, the loser does the winner's household chores

for a whole month.

Well, I'll say this:

you'll be the prettiest trashman

in the neighborhood.

And you'll look cute in an apron.

I'll beat you easy.

Okay, we've got a bet.

And no backing out-- a whole month.

Well, Mike, how'd she do?

She going to be a great driver?

Hey, Dad, can I borrow the car?

I'm late for a date.

Answers to questions one and two: great, honey.

Answer to question three:

Ask Marcia. She's got the keys.

Oh-oh. Did you leave the fenders

on the car, woman driver?

Dad says I did great.

And just what have you got

against women drivers, young man?

No offense, Mom,

but it's an established fact

that men are better drivers.

They're always in control.

Women are too emotional. Right, Dad?

Listen, it so happens that your mother

and your sister are excellent drivers.

Right.

Boy, marriage really takes

all the nerve out of a guy.

Get out of here.

See you later.

What's in it?

You'll find out, it's good.

Have a good day.

Good luck on your debate today, Jan.

Thank you.

Do I look okay, Mom?

Oh, sweetheart, you look lovely.

Now, don't be nervous about a thing.

Who's nervous?

I am.

Don't worry. I put something in your lunch

that every debater can use.

What?

Bologna.

When I get my driver's license

I can drive you to school.

Yeah. That'll be super. I can't wait

till I get my driver's license.

It won't be that long.

Yeah.

Don't worry, Mom.

I'll clobber 'em.

Uh, look, Liz, I'll have to call you back, okay?

Bye.

You don't have to tell me.

Your team lost the debate.

I lost it for them.

Me, personally.

You think you're so hot

on wheels, Marcia...

how about sweetening our bet a little?

The loser does the winner's chores for six months.

Six months?

Unless you're afraid of losing, of course.

Who's afraid?

It's a bet.

( laughs )

A sucker bet.

I'll show him, Alice.

Women can be better drivers than men.

Men are egotistical, arrogant, smug

and conceited. Right, Alice?

Right.

Just don't quote me to Sam on that.

That Greg with his superior male attitude.

I'll trade problems with you anytime.

You just lost one debate-- big deal.

It was to me.

Resolved: now, you can sit there full of self-pity

or you can be mature and do something about it.

Pick a side.

I don't want to pick a side.

Jan, you were just scared

because it was your first face-to-face debate.

And boy, did I ever lose face.

But now that you know what to expect,

you're past the problem.

You make it sound easy.

It is. 's all up here.

Just psych yourself up before your next debate

and you've got it made.

If only I could.

You can.

Money-back guarantee.

Can you give me a better guarantee?

You know what money's worth these days.

Well, today is the big day.

Yeah, we got a doubleheader going.

Listen, I predict Marcia's going to pass her driver's test

with flying colors.

Right. And I predict that Jan's going

to do just great in today's debate.

And I predict that you two are great predictors.

MARCIA: Hi, Alice. Hi.

GREG: Morning. Morning.

Now, remember what I said about

psyching yourself up, Jan.

Yeah, but I'm still nervous.

Oh, relax, Jan.

Women can't be great at everything,

but they make wonderful debaters.

Oh!

Listen, do you mind if I offer you a suggestion?

Oh, I'll take any advice I can get, Dad.

There is a famous old story about a man

who had to get up and speak

in front of some very important people.

He was petrified.

I'm with him.

Yeah, but a friend gave him some advice, says,

"Look, when you get up in front of those VIPs,

you picture them sitting there in their underwear."

In their underwear? Yeah.

Oh, Mike, is that true?

Sure, it is. Worked like a charm, too.

Because it made him realize

that his audience was only human.

I mean, you can't be very frightening

in your underwear.

Oh, I don't know. You should see me in mine.

I'll remember that, Dad. Thanks. Bye-bye.

Good. Bye, honey.

Marcia, you going to meet your father after school?

Yeah, Dad's going to drive me

to the Department of Motor Vehicles

and then I'm going to drive him home

with my new license.

Then we'll have another driver in the family.

And then you start doing my chores.

No way, Mr. Man driver.

Oh-oh. Bye-bye.

No fighting.

You feel okay, honey?

Terrific, Dad.

Especially after scoring 98 points

on the written exam.

That's four points better

than Greg got.

Good girl.

MAN: How are you, sir?

Pretty good, thank you.

Good. Marcia Brady.

Yes, sir.

All set, Miss Brady?

You can start the car now.

Uh, not until you fasten your seat belt.

Oh, yes.

All right, Miss Brady, you can start the car now.

Start the car, please, Miss Brady.

You nervous, Miss?

Turn the ignition on, please.

( starts engine )

( gears grind )

( tires squeal )

( static on radio )

Hey, look, they're here!

Marcia, we've been waiting.

Yeah. Take us for a ride.

Not now, kids.

But she promised to drive us

when she got her license.

By then, I'll be too old to drive.

What's wrong with her?

Well, she did what a lot of other

new drivers have done.

You mean she already got a ticket?

I've never been so humiliated in my whole life.

I froze at the wheel.

I'm sorry, Marcia.

But I'm sure that next time...

I'd rather hitchhike through life

than go through that again.

Well, you actually found your way home

from your driver's exam.

Hey, how'd you do?

Okay, so you won the bet.

Go ahead, make jokes, rub it in!

Hey, I was just teasing you.

What happened?

Women.

Mom, Dad, can we say something?

About what?

About Marcia's problem.

Yeah. See, we've got some fantastic ideas

on how to handle it.

Good. How would you handle it?

Well, if she were my daughter

I'd make her write out 500 times

"I flunked the driver's test."

Yeah, well, that... that's a thought.

And if she were my daughter

I'd stop her allowance for a whole year.

If you should flunk your driving test,

is that what you would like me to do with you?

Come on, Cindy.

Let's think of something else.

Mrs. Brady, do you figure that

Marcia will be joining you for dinner

or shall I fix up a tray for her room?

Maybe you better make that two trays, Alice.

Two trays?

Depending on how Jan does today

in her big debate.

Just to be on the safe side,

why don't we move the dining room table

up into the girls' room?

( laughs )

Alice.

Oh, Mom, Dad.

CAROL: What?

We won the debate.

I really clobbered my opponent.

Great. That's great.

First, I psyched myself up like Marcia said,

and then your idea really worked, Dad.

When I imagined the audience

and all the teachers there in their underwear

I could hardly keep from laughing.

You should see my principal in boxer shorts.

( laughing )

( laughing )

Well, I'm glad it helped.

How did Marcia's driver's test go?

I'm afraid it didn't go as well as your debate, honey.

Darn.

Hi.

Hi.

I heard about what happened.

I'd rather not talk about it.

How'd your debate go?

Fine, thanks to you.

Yeah.

Oh, I am really great.

Resolved: you can sit there full of self-pity

or you can be mature

and do something about it.

Pick a side.

Jan, I don't want to pick a side,

and stop throwing my own words at me.

Well, they happened to be good words.

You were just scared

because it was your first try.

Well, from now on I'm going to be a devout pedestrian.

You can dish it out but you can't take it, huh?

What's that supposed to mean?

Well, at least I had the courage

to try your advice, and Dad's, too--

about the audience in their underwear?

Well, my situation's different

and it's maybe even worse.

Why?

Because it happened to me!

Greg?

Yeah, come in.

About our bet.

Look, forget about that.

It was just a fun bet, that's all.

No, I lost

and I have to do your house chores for six months.

How about a new bet?

I'm going to take my driver's exam again.

Just pass the test, that's enough.

( chuckles ) No bets.

It's too much pressure for a girl.

Are you chicken, Gregory?

Me? Chicken?

The loser does the winner's chores

for a whole year.

Marcia, sit down.

I think you're having a dizzy spell.

Is it a bet or not?

And this time I'm going to beat your exam score.

Okay, woman driver, it's a bet.

Well, she's all yours, honey.

Just relax and try to remember

all the things we talked about, okay?

I'll be fine, Dad. All right.

MAN: How are you today, sir?

Once we got out of the garage

it was all right. Dad!

Well, I hope you're better prepared this time, Miss Brady.

Yes, sir. I think I am.

Well, let's find out for sure.

And my seat belt is fastened

so you can start the car now.

Yes, sir.

Start the car, please.

( laughing )

Something funny, Miss Brady?

If you only knew.

( engine starts )

Congratulations.

A temporary driver's license.

What kind of a score did you get?

92.

Four points less than I got.

But I got a 98 on the written exam.

Four points higher than you.

So you both scored 190.

Well, I guess that sort of

cancels our bet, doesn't it?

You lucked out.

I don't think it was luck. Marcia's a good driver.

I just wish we could

settle this some way.

I'd prove I'm as good a driver as you are.

That'll be the day.

You'd fold under pressure like before.

Maybe there is a way we can settle this.

I'd love that.

Me, too. How?

Truck driver style.

They have a contest every year

to find the best driver, right?

I saw it on television.

So did I. They set up

regular obstacle courses for the drivers.

We can make one of our own.

MIKE: Yeah, that's good.

Okay. All right, everybody.

Now, the parking lot's empty

so there's no problem with other cars.

Now, the idea is

to drive through the obstacle course

without hitting any of the pylons.

Whoever hits the least wins, right?

Right.

Suppose we end up

in another tie?

Your father already thought of that.

After you complete the course,

keep on going until you get to that pylon.

Now, if you're tied,

the one who stops closest to it

without touching it, wins.

We could still be tied.

Dreamer.

Hey, Dad, how if someone barely touches that pylon?

Your father already thought of that, too.

Yeah, the truck drivers' contest has an electronic beeper.

We have something

a little more primitive. Alice?

( clucking )

( laughing )

Okay.

Now...

anyone who knocks the egg off the pylon is a loser.

Okay, here she goes.

Good luck. Okay.

There you go.

You'll need it.

Atta girl.

Good.

MIKE: Good!

She's doing good. Look!

She is.

PETER: Oh!

( girls cheering )

Oh, here she comes.

PETER: She's always had good luck.

Come on, honey.

( all chattering )

MIKE: Hey!

CAROL: Oh!

( cheering )

CAROL: Now it's your turn.

MIKE: All right!

Fantastic!

Here we go.

How close is she?

An inch and a half.

( laughs ) terrific.

An inch and a half?

Talk about lucky.

Yeah.

Do you think you can get any closer than that?

Oh, yeah. Sure.

You'll show her.

Yeah.

Your turn, Greg.

Right.

CAROL: Oh!

( all chattering )

CAROL: Oh, go!

Careful!

( all yelling )

BOBBY: Oh, be quiet.

( excited chattering )

( thinking ): Got to get closer

than an inch and a half. Got to win.

I've got to beat Marcia.

I got to do it. I got to.

( engine revs, honking )

MARCIA: Ha! I won!

( laughter )

Greg, you can forget about the bet.

You don't have to do my chores.

I lost.

I'll pay.

The important thing is that

we're both good, safe drivers

not who knocked off the egg.

Yeah, sure.

You don't have to say it.

This time I folded under pressure.

Well, it can happen to anybody.

Excuse me.

Could I say a few words?

Somebody around here

owes me an egg.

Peter, will you be our judge?

For what?

Bobby and I made a bet

on who's the best bike rider.

What did you bet?

Same thing as Greg and Marcia.

Person who comes closest to the stop line

without going over, wins.

And the loser has to do

the winner's chores for a whole year.

Well, first, you better look at something, Bobby.

Be too easy to beat a dumb old girl, anyway.

Chicken.

Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org