All language subtitles for The Brady Bunch_S05E12_The Elopement

THE BRADY BUNCH #098SS
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♪ Here's the story ♪

♪ Of a lovely lady ♪

♪ Who was
bringing up ♪

♪ Three very
lovely girls ♪

♪ All of them had
hair of gold ♪

♪ Like their mother ♪

♪ The youngest one
in curls ♪

♪ It's the story
of a man named Brady ♪

♪ Who was busy with
three boys of his own ♪

♪ They were four men
living all together ♪

♪ Yet they were all alone ♪

♪ Till the one day when ♪

♪ The lady met this fellow ♪

♪ And they knew that it was ♪

♪ Much more than a hunch ♪

♪ That this group must ♪

♪ Somehow form a family ♪

♪ That's the way we all ♪

♪ Became the Brady Bunch ♪

♪ The Brady Bunch ♪

♪ The Brady Bunch ♪

♪ That's the way we became ♪

♪ The Brady Bunch. ♪

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( badly played,
halting organ music )

That's terrible!

( laughing )

Hi. How am I doing?

Well, I don't know who
finally kicked you
out of the house

with that thing,
but I'm glad.

What do you know
about music anyway?

Oh, is that
what it is?

My teacher likes it.

Then how come she
loaned you the organ

and told you to
practice at home?

Ha-ha.

( giggling )

( strikes dissonant chord )

Sure, I can keep a secret, Sam.

What's the secret?

Well, you met my cousin Clara,
huh?

Yeah. So?

Go on.

Well, she wants us to be
best man and maid of honor.

She's eloping.

Eloping!

Alice, I told you
this was a big secret.

Will you shush?

I'm shushing.

This is so
exciting, Sam.

When's it
going to be?

They elope next Sunday.

That way it won't interfere with
our Saturday night bowling date.

Oh, well, that's great.

I'd even give that up
for an elopement.

What a surprise, Sam.

Say, Alice, as long as you're
going to be maid of honor,

you'll probably want to wear
something special, right?

For an occasion
like this,

I'll buy the fanciest
dress in town.

Swell. Well, see you Saturday
night at 8:00 for bowling.

Oh, I'll be ready.

And waiting.

Oh, hi, girls.
How was school?

Dull compared to what seems
to be going on around here.

Around here?

Oh, you mean with Sam.

Yeah, with Sam.

We were just talking about
our big bowling date.

Sam and I are
in the semifinals

of the mixed
doubles tournament.

( giggling )

Sure, you are.

What's so funny
about bowling?

Nothing. We understand, Alice.

What do you think?

What do I think?

I know: Alice
and Sam are eloping.

Oh, wow!

Wow, wow, wow, wow!

What makes you think
Alice and Sam are eloping?

Well, we sort
of overheard

a phone conversation
between them.

You mean
you were
eavesdropping?

No! Not at all.
Honest.

Well, anyway, you two
could be jumping
to conclusions.

But Alice even
used the word "elope."

And she was all
excited about it.

Well, if Alice
were going to elope,

I'm sure she would
be considerate enough

to tell us she was
going to be gone.

Unless, of course,
Sam asked her
to keep it secret

for some reason.

Right. And it's strictly
their own business,

and none of ours.

Maybe Alice just has to be
coaxed a little to tell us.

Girls, if Alice
wants to tell us,

she'll tell us.

Right. Like I said,
it's their own business

and none of ours.

Snooping is
a definite no-no.

Here's Mike and me
on our honeymoon, Alice.

Now, that's
a romantic picture.

Oh, it was.

Did you know
that our original plan

was to elope... secretly?

That's what makes an elopement
an elopement.

'Course, we had
to change our minds.

And, well, we figured somebody
would find out.

Did you know very few people
can keep a secret?

Yeah. Zippers weren't invented
for lips.

I must say, though,
I've always been able
to keep a secret.

That's good. Like
you say, not too
many people can.

Well, I mean,
if someone close to me

were planning an elopement,
she could trust me implicitly.

If you know
what I mean.

Mrs. Brady,
are you concerned that...

that some member
of this household

is planning
a secret elopement?

Well... it's a possibility.

Yeah, I suppose so,
but, as far as I know,

Marcia isn't even going steady.

( phone ringing )

Hello. Mike Brady.

Hey, Sam. What can I do for you?

Well, Mr. Brady, you being
an architect and all,

I was wondering if I might ask
you a question house-wise.

Sure, Sam. Fire away.

Well, you see,
I have this friend

who's planning
on getting married...

Oh?

Anybody we know?

No, no. Just a friend of mine.

But, anyway, he doesn't
have a lot of loot

so he's looking around
for some nice low-cost housing.

I see.

Uh... well, Sam, now,
this friend of yours--

when's he planning
on getting married?

Well, the elopement--
I mean the wedding--

will be pretty quick now.

Oh, yeah, well,
I think I understand.

Um... Sam, let me check
around with a few brokers,

and I'll get back to you, okay?

Gee, thanks a lot, Mr. Brady.

I really appreciate that.

Aw, not at all.

Oh, Sam, would you tell
the bride and groom

that my wife, myself
and all of our children

wish them health and happiness
and good fortune?

Thanks a lot, Mr. Brady.

I'll tell them what you said.
Bye.

Good-bye, Sam.

Hi, Sam. Hi, Reverend.

Hi, kids.

Hi, Greg. How are you?

What brings
you by?

Alice asked us to
stop by after school

so we could
pick up her order.

Oh, fine. I'll
be right with you.

How's the family?

Fine, thanks.

Good.

Any good weddings
lately, Reverend?

Seems like I'm
tying more knots

than a troop of
Boy Scouts, Greg.

Do you have any more
coming up soon?

You never know, Marcia.

Seems like it's open season
on grooms.

Yep. One never knows, huh,
Reverend?

Let's see. That
will be $3.50.

That much?

Well, like they say,

"It's better to give
than to receive."

Like they also say, "Do not
covet thy neighbor's wallet."

Bye-bye, Reverend.

I'll get Alice's
order for you.

Thanks, Sam.

This really
cinches it, Greg.

The reverend
is proof positive.

You know something?
If this were a trial,

I think we've got enough
evidence for a conviction.

Right. Alice is
guilty of marriage.

Alice and Sam.

Hey, maybe we can buy
our meat wholesale now.

There's still
one thing

about this elopement
we don't know:

When is it going
to take place?

Excuse me, folks.

Mr. and Mrs. Brady,
I was wondering...

Is anything wrong?

Um... not at all,
Alice.

What makes
you say that?

Well, the way you
were staring at me,

I thought maybe I'd left my face
in the other room.

Alice, you look
positively radiant.

Your eyes are twinkling and
your cheeks are glowing.

You'll make a
beautiful bride.

Uh... someday.

Yeah, sure, someday.

What I wanted
to ask you, folks,

is it okay if I take
Saturday night off?

This Saturday?

Yeah.

Any special
reason, Alice?

Yeah. Sam and I are
in a big bowling tournament.

Bowling, huh?

( giggles )

That's what the
lady said-- bowling.

Bowling.

( both chuckling )

She said bowling.

Bowling.

Bowling?

Bowling.

Oh, bowling!

What's so funny about the word
"bowling" lately?

Alice, of course you
can have Saturday night off.

In fact, you can
have the whole day off.

Alice, we couldn't be happier
about your bowling date.

You know, I also think Alice
should take a week or so off

for the honeymoon.

We'll insist.

First thing
in the morning,

I'll call the
employment agency

and try to get a
temporary replacement.

Mike, you don't think
Alice will leave us

after she's married,
do you?

Oh, no. I think she
would have told us by now.

Well, what puzzles me

is why Alice doesn't
tell us about the elopement.

Well, maybe she
and Sam think

we'd make a big deal
out of it if we knew.

Well, of course
we'd make a big
deal out of it.

Alice means
a great deal to us.

Yes. But, honey, maybe they
don't want a big reception.

Well, It doesn't have
to be a big reception.

Just a small
family reception.

You know, Mike,
I was just thinking.

Uh-huh. I kind
of figured you were.

Boy, are Sam and Alice
going to be surprised

when they walk in

on their own
wedding reception.

Anything special
you want me

to add to
the shopping list?

Well, you
might just get

a couple extra packages
of rice, Alice.

( doorbell rings )

Oh, you go
right ahead.

I'll get it.

( doorbell rings )

Mrs. Brady?

Yes?

Oh, I'm Gladys Harris.

The employment agency
referred me

for the housekeeping job.

Oh, yes. The agency
said they'd phone

before they'd
send anyone over.

Oh, I'm afraid
that's my fault.

I just happened
to be in the area,

so I thought
I'd drop by.

I hope it's
not inconvenient.

Oh, no. Not at all.
As a matter of fact,

you have split-second
timing, Mrs. Harris.

Oh, you have
a lovely home.

Thank you.

I hope you know
the job is
just temporary.

Our housekeeper is
just going to be
gone a week or so.

I... I understand.

Are there any special
requirements?

No. Just the usual:

housekeeping,
cleaning, laundry.

But I guess I should
mention the fact

that we have
six children.

Six. Well, that's a lot
of diapers under the bridge.

Happily, that's all behind.

( laughs heartily )

I like you.

Why don't I show you
the rest of the house?

I think you'll find
the kitchen

quite practical, Mrs. Harris.

Alice!

Hi, Mrs. Brady. I...

I forgot the shopping list.

Yeah, uh... um...

Mrs. Harris... Mrs. Harris,
this is, um... Alice Nelson.

Alice Nelson,
this is Mrs. Harris.

Mrs. Harris here is
an old friend of the family.

A what?

How are Jim
and the kids, huh?

Oh, they're...

I'll bet the boys
have children

of their own by now,
don't they?

How is Mary Jennings?

Oh, how well I remember
the good old times

the three of us
used to have.

Good times, yes.
Wonderful!

( stammering )

I'd better be
going, old friend.

Uh... Mrs. Harris...
Uh... Mrs. Harris...

Uh... I can't wait
to get together again

and relive
those good old days.

Come on, Alice. What do you got
against bowling balls?

They're just
not sentimental.

Well, that might hold
true for your ordinary,

run-of-the-mill
bowling ball,

But this is a matched
set: His and Hers.

Sam, that's as about
as romantic gift

as a year's supply of chalk
for their fingers.

As it turns out, chalk
was second on my list.

That figures.

Now, listen, Alice,

you can holler
about my always
being late,

gripe about the
high prices of my meat,

hate my neckties, but,
when it comes to bowling,

you've got to have
a little respect.

I've got respect
for bowling.

But, Sam,
two bowling balls.

If Clara
drops our present,

she'll go on her honeymoon
with ten broken toes.

Also, anybody who thinks
that bowling balls

make a rotten wedding gift

doesn't have
a whole lot of taste.

Well, is that so?

Yeah.

Well, as far
as I'm concerned,

Clara can elope
without me Sunday.

And, as far
as I'm concerned,

you don't have
to go bowling with
me Saturday night.

Well, as far as
I'm concerned, I won't.

Hmm.

And, as for a couple
of other things,

let me tell you this,
Mr. Sam the Butcher.

Mm-hmm?

You're always late,

your prices are too high,

and that is the ugliest necktie
I ever saw!

( grumbling )

You'll get this, Alice.

Now, this might
be the ideal home
for Alice and Sam.

It's moderately priced
and it's well-built.

Excuse me.

What is it, Alice?

Well, you remember
I asked you

for Saturday night off?

Certainly.

Well, as a
matter of fact,

we got to talking
about that,

and we decided
what you really need

is a week off--
maybe two.

Two weeks
for a bowling match?

Well, bowling can be a pretty
strenuous sport, Alice.

I don't understand.

Well, the important thing
is that we understand.

Well, then maybe
you'll understand

what I'm about to say.

I don't even need Saturday off.

Why not?

Sam and I had a fight,

and the bowling date's off.

Alice, that is the worst thing
I've ever heard in my life.

Well, I appreciate
your concern,

but it's only
a bowling date.

But it's a very important
bowling date.

Well, that's the way
the pins fall.

Anyway, Sam's not the
best fish in the ocean.

Of course, I'm not
the best bait either.

Oh, Mike.

Alice is really sorry
about everything.

Did she say so?

You can read it
on her face.

Sam, you got to
take Alice bowling.

It's that important, huh?

It sure is.

I can almost play
the whole song
on my organ.

What song?

Uh, it's called
"Shut My Mouth Blues."

What do you say, Sam?

Please?

Mmm... No. I'm sorry.

Alice has to make
the first move.

Sorry. Sam has got
to make the first move.

But what if
he doesn't?

Then I just won't
go bowling with him.

Alice, we're not just
talking about bowling.

No, the ball is now
in Sam's alley.

But, Alice,
he was meant for you,

and you understand him.

I understand
this turkey, too,

but that doesn't mean

I have to go
bowling with it.

Honey, I am sorry
that Alice and Sam
had that argument,

but I really don't think
we should meddle.

Not even one little
teeny meddle?

What kind of mettle
you have in mind?

The kind where you
invite Sam over,

Alice opens the door
and skyrockets go off.

Yes. Well, that
only happens on
the 4th of July.

Besides, I don't
have any reason
to invite Sam over.

Ah, yes! You said you
would call Sam back,

let him know what you found out

about low-cost housing,
didn't you?

True. But that's before
he and Alice had the argument.

Yes, but Sam doesn't know
that you know

that that information was for
himself and not for a friend.

True. But he'll think I know.

Yeah, but as long as he thinks

that you know that he knows,

and he doesn't know that
you think that he...

You're about three thinks I know
ahead of me.

I mean, I don't know.

I don't think I know.

Do you know?

No.

Mike...

Hmm?

Couldn't you
just call Sam

and invite him over?

Well... okay. Maybe,
if we're this confused,

he'll be too confused
to refuse.

( chuckles )

( doorbell rings )

Yes?

I came
to see Mr. Brady.

Whom shall I say
is calling?

You know darn well
whom is calling.

Oh, now I recognize you.

It's mighty mouth.

Oh, listen
to who's talking.

You've got a tongue
sharp enough
to slice salami.

What happened to
the skyrockets you promised?

Well, sometimes
they fizzle out.

Now, are you going
to invite me in

or does Mr. Brady
have to come out
here to talk to me?

Thank you.

Now, if you will
just be good enough
to announce me...

Skip the
formality, Sam.

Just let me have
the meat order,

and then you can
be on your way

to the sporting
goods store

to pick up those
His and Hers bowling balls.

For your information,

bowling balls are
out this season.

And, uh... electric
mixers are in.

Electric mixers?

Electric mixers.

Now, that's romantic.

Mmm... so's this.

There's a little
something special

in here for you, Alice.

Four extra lamb chops
in pink panties.

( chuckling )

Oh, Sam, it
couldn't be better

if it was
14-karat gold.

Listen, meat is more
expensive than gold today.

Well, I just
couldn't figure

another way to
say I was sorry.

I'm sorry, too, Sam.

Well, then, everything's on
again for Saturday night?

Everything, just
like we planned it.

Great. Great.

And that's a...
lovely necktie.

Oh, thanks, Alice.

There go
your skyrockets.

Well, folks, this is it.

It sure is, Alice.

Biggest night of my life.

Yeah, the big
matchup, huh, Sam?

Boy, if I survive tonight,
there'll be no stopping me.

I'll be right there
keeping score.

Yeah. Well,
happy bowling.

Alice, now, you just relax.

We'll keep the house
neat and tidy.

We'll only be gone
a little while,
Mrs. Brady.

Unless I strike out
in the first match.

Then we'll
be home sooner.

Now, Alice, you take
all the time you need.

Oh, thanks, but Sam
can never stay awake

very long after
we've been bowling.

( all ughing )

Let's get
at it, Sam.

Uh... Sam...

Take care of our girl,
will you?

Sure thing, Mr. Brady.

We'll be back in
a couple of hours.

Bye.

Bye.

Be back in a couple of hours?

Yeah.

Thanks, Sam.
That was a lot of fun.

Yeah, it was.

Boy, we sure
took the starch

out of that
laundry team,
didn't we?

How about
a cup of coffee?

Well, maybe
half a cup.

You know, we
got to get up
early tomorrow

for my cousin
Clara's elopement.

Surprise!Surprise!

ALL:
Surprise! Surprise!

( Bobby tries to play
Wagner's "Wedding March" )

CAROL:
Champagne toast!

SAM:
Thank you!

MIKE:
Okay, to the newlyweds!

I'll drink to that.

Who got married?

Bowling date, huh?

To Alice and Sam.

Alice and Sam?

Us?

Alice, we couldn't
be happier.

KIDS:
Speech! Speech!

Well, I'm sorry I don't have
a speech for this occasion,

mostly on account of because
there is no occasion.

What do you mean, Alice?

Didn't you and Sam
elope tonight?

We never even
shook hands.

What made you think
we got married?

Circumstantial evidence.

I got it. I bet
they confused us

with my cousin Clara.

Clara?

Yeah, Clara is going
to elope tomorrow,

and Sam and I are
going to stand up

for the bride and groom.

( chuckling )Oh, no...

Alice, I'm sorry.
We thought...

I think we goofed.

Oh, please accept
our apologies.

Oh, sure.
We'll accept
your apologies.

I'll also accept
a little more
champagne.

( laughter )

Okay. Coming up.

Sam, as long as they went
to all this trouble...

Alice, say no more.

Folks, I have
a very important

announcement to make.

Tonight...

Alice and I...

advanced to the finals
in the bowling tournament.

( laughter )

CAROL:
It's a party anyway.
Come on, everybody.

Cousin Clara never
looked prettier.

( sniffling )

It was the nicest
elopement
I ever went to.

Boy, it must have been
to have moved you so.

Even Sam was affected.

We're engaged.

Alice,
congratulations!

That's wonderful.

When's the big day?

Well, I've got
Sam pretty well
pinned down now--

the place,
the hour, the date.

There's just one thing
he won't commit to.

What?
What's that?

The century.

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