Original subtitles

♪ Here's the story of a lovely lady ♪

♪ Who was bringing up three very lovely girls ♪

♪ All of them had hair of gold, like their mother ♪

♪ The youngest one in curls. ♪

♪ It's the story of a man named Brady ♪

♪ who was busy with three boys of his own ♪

♪ They were four men living all together ♪

♪ Yet they were all alone. ♪

♪ Till the one day when the lady met this fellow ♪

♪ And they knew that it was much more than a hunch ♪

♪ That this group must somehow form a family ♪

♪ That's the way we all became the Brady Bunch ♪

♪ The Brady Bunch, the Brady Bunch ♪

♪ That's the way we became the Brady Bunch. ♪

Captioning sponsored by PARAMOUNT TELEVISION

( recording of ballet music playing )

( music stops )

Okay, kids, that's fine for today, thank you.

What about the recital, Miss Clairette?

Well, those of you who have been chosen to participate

will find your names on the bulletin board.

Jan, may I see you a moment?

( girls talking excitedly )

Yes, Miss Clairette?

Jan, dear, I know how hard you've tried in class...

You don't have to tell me, Miss Clairette.

I'm not in the recital.

I'm sorry, but you know

ballet comes much easier to some than to others.

And I'm one of the others.

There'll be future recitals.

Thanks, but I won't be around for them.

Hey, honey, how was ballet class?

Awful.

Jan?

Marcia and Cindy told me about the recital.

I'm really sorry, honey.

They also told me

you quit your ballet class.

Mom, I'm about as graceful in ballet slippers

as an elephant is in ice skates.

Oh, Jan, you can't be all that bad.

I am.

I'm the stumblefoot of the century.

And I really wanted to dance.

Well, honey, maybe ballet just isn't your thing.

Sure, but what is my thing?

Well, there are other kinds of dancing, you know.

Miss Clairette's school teaches tap, jazz, folk.

Yeah, that's true.

Well, you'll never know unless you try.

Think about it.

Listen, it took me three days

to get prepared for this.

What's it called?

Souffle aux trois fromages.

Ooh-la-la.

Please, a little less breathing

until I get this into the oven.

Would you...

Hey, everybody!

Get a load of this.

I took your advice, Mom.

I'm taking up tap dancing in Miss Clairette's school.

( yelling ): So I hear.

That's why I've been coming home late these past few days.

I wanted to surprise you.

I'll bet the kitchen floor is, too.

Look what I learned today.

Hey, hey!

Couldn't you dance in place?

I'm sorry, Dad.

Was tap dancing your idea?

I guess so.

I suggested that she try another kind of dancing

to cheer her up.

What about the old soft shoe?

Okay, you ready to record?

Yeah.

Okay, go.

( Begins playing soft folk tune )

( tapping from other room )

Guess who?

The blonde woodpecker.

Jan!

I'm trying to learn a routine.

Now look what she's done.

Maybe we can glue it back together.

That's not the problem.

What do we do about us coming unglued?

Yeah.

BOBBY: Dad?

Ask your mother.

I've got to go to work.

Mom, will you do something about Jan?

I'm beginning to hear tap in my sleep.

We'll talk about it later, okay?

Have a good day, bye-bye!

Good morning. Hi.

Mom, you've got to do something about Jan.

She's really bugging us.

Talk about noise pollution.

Aw, be patient with her, kids.

I'm sure after a few more lessons she'll get much better at it.

No way.

I saw a bear on TV do a better tap dance.

Mom, Jan really has no talent for tap dance.

Marcia...

no, I guess I don't.

I'm sorry, Jan.

I didn't mean to hurt your feelings.

That's okay, you're right.

I have no talent for tap dancing.

In fact, I have no talent

for anything at all.

Now, Jan, that is not true.

Yes, it is.

I didn't know Jan was there.

Jan just has to keep looking

until she finds something she really does well.

Hey... I've got an idea.

Maybe I know just the thing for Jan to do.

I'll check with her right after school.

Marcia, what is it?

Just as soon as I arrange it, I'll let you know.

Oh, here, here. Here's your lunch.

Have a good day.

Bye-bye. You too.

You look great, Jan.

Better than when I was a drum majorette. Thanks.

And you know, being a drum majorette

has lots of fringe benefits.

Like what?

Well, like a band full of boys.

Oh, I hope I can do this.

If I can, anybody can.

It's a cinch.

That was a good idea Marcia had.

Jan looks so cute in the hat.

Well, here, let me show you.

Okay.

Now, you hold it right about there.

Get it going.

Now, at first, you hold your wrist like this

so you can get used to the twirling motion, see?

Think you got it?

Yeah, I think so.

Okay, now try it. Okay.

Hold it right.

Good.

Hey, you're getting the hang of it!

Great!

Faster!

Come on!

Faster!

Now toss it.

( glass shatters )

Lucky we saw that coming.

Why don't you say it?!

I'm strictly a no-talent!

I'll never be good at anything.

Never!

Uh-uh-uh.

I'm ashamed of myself, Greg

and I will never do it again...

unless I think it'll help.

( door closes )

Hi. Anybody for hot chocolate?

Oh, great, Alice.

Hey, how'd the ballet recital go?

Marcia and Cindy were terrific.

They were the best in the class.

Mom, Dad, don't be so unbiased.

Everything okay at home?

Everything but Jan.

She hasn't left her room all night.

I tried to talk to her, but on a scale from one to ten

she figures herself at about minus three.

Jan's a big girl now.

She's going to have to learn to face that kind of a problem.

Well, you two girls get to bed

right after the hot chocolate, okay?

Good-night, Alice. Good night.

Good night, Greg. Good night.

MIKE: Good-night, all.

Poor Jan.

She must be the most miserable member

of this whole human race.

And that's a race you can't quit.

And it's the only race in town.

Problem is she's lost all her self-confidence.

And the question is, how does she get it back?

Simple-- all she has to be

is good at something instead of bad.

Someday there'll be a pill we can take

for instant good.

Wait a minute, there is a way

she can be instant good.

It just might work.

It's worth a try.

Okay by me.

Okay by me, too

and I don't know what you're talking about.

Okay, now make it sound legitimate

so Jan doesn't get suspicious.

Right.

Boy, it'll be the first time

I've ever thrown a ping-pong game.

Here she comes.

Greg, we just don't have time

to play ping-pong.

But I need the practice.

I'm sorry.

You'll have to find somebody else. We're busy.

Jan, how would you like to do me

a really big favor?

What?

Well, I'm entering this ping-pong contest

and I need all the practice I can get.

You want to practice with me?

I can't practice by myself.

Well, okay, but I'm not very good.

Oh, hey, don't worry about it.

Listen, you'd be doing me

a really big favor, thanks.

Ready?

Yeah.

Good shot.

What kind of a spin did you put on the ball?

One for me.

You serve again.

You did it again-- are you sure

you haven't been practicing on the side?

No, honest.

You're better than you think.

20-17-- Game point.

Yeah.

That's it! I won!

I actually beat you!

I won!

Look, do me another favor, huh?

Don't tell Peter and Bobby.

I'd never live it down.

Sure, I'll protect you.

Thanks, Jan. Good game.

And I own that hotel, too

and you owe me $1,500 besides.

That wipes me out.

You win again, Jan.

Do you want to play one more time?

No way-- you're too good for me.

You're a financial genius.

I guess I am pretty good.

You're a regular Howard Hughes.

See you later.

Man, she's sandbagging us.

Yeah, I thought you said

you weren't any good at darts.

I didn't think I was.

Oh, this gives me 40 points.

You're skunking us.

Well, we can't all be winners.

I'll practice, and I'll challenge you tomorrow.

Any time.

Great. No girl's going to beat me.

You're a better actor than Richard Burton.

You're a better actor than Elizabeth Taylor.

MIKE: Help! Somebody lend a hand!

Oh, well, I'm on my way.

I'm about to lose the eggs.

Alice, quick.

I got it, I got it.

Oh, honey, what's in the bag?

Sorry, every item is classified top secret.

For that gourmet dinner

you're going to cook, Mr. Brady?

Yes, and anyone caught snooping

gets the firing squad.

Alice, I think I know

why he's keeping Saturday's menu such a secret.

Why, Mrs. Brady?

So when he messes it up

we won't know what it was supposed to be.

They do say that 90% of the domestic accidents

occur in the kitchen.

Laugh if you must

but remember what I said: top secret.

Ooh.

CINDY: Anybody seen Jan?

She went to the library, honey-- why?

Oh, I just thought

I'd let her beat me at checkers.

Why would you want to do that?

To give her confidence.

To make her think she's good at something.

That's what we've been doing.

How long do you and your brothers and sisters

plan to keep losing to Jan?

I don't know... a couple of months.

I'll ask Greg.

Cindy, look, it's nice that you kids want to help Jan

but you're not being very honest with her if you do that.

Honey, it's not a real victory

if everybody's just pretending to lose.

I guess you're right.

So I'm speaking for all the kids-- we're sorry.

We were only trying to help.

Yeah, well, thanks

for what you're trying to do.

Greg, why don't you go round up the kids

for dinner, okay?

Okay, they're out in back.

You know, I would say that goes to prove

how much your brothers and sisters care about you.

It also proves something else--

it proves that everybody feels sorry

for little Jan Brady, the loser.

That's exactly what I am, a born loser.

Jan...

Wait a minute, honey.

Listen, all they're trying to do is give you a little confidence.

I do have confidence--

I'm confident that I'm a no-talent loser.

No, no, everyone has talent somewhere

and you'll never find where yours lies

if you quit trying.

Your father's right, Jan.

You have to keep trying in life.

You'll never succeed at anything if you're a quitter.

But I don't know what else to try.

I'm sure there are lots of things she could do.

There are all kinds of things

going on at school.

There are club activities, there are plays...

Plays-- that's a good idea. Yes.

Why don't you look into that tomorrow?

Maybe I will.

Promise.

Okay, I promise.

I guess I've got nothing to lose.

Nothing except your no-talent.

Hi, Mrs. Brady.

How about a little afternoon snack?

Oh, no thanks, Alice.

I wish you'd say yes.

Why?

So I could peek at the food Mr. Brady has in the freezer.

Now, Alice, we promised.

You're right, I'll wash my mouth out with soap

for even suggesting it.

When you're through

will you suggest it again?

I'm weakening.

Mom, I did it-- I found something at school

that I'm really interested in.

What, honey?

I'm trying out for the lead in the school play.

Oh, Jan, that's wonderful.

( whistles )

Anyway, the play's

about an American girl in Paris

who's starving and painting

and trying to pay her bills.

While I'm telling you all this

I should be learning my lines.

I have to know every one of them by tomorrow.

Why so soon?

Because I signed up so late.

Girls-- they're absolutely unpredictable.

Maybe that's why they grow up to be women.

That was very nice, children, thank you.

Next are Jan Brady and Billy Naylor.

Well, here goes.

Okay, Jan, now remember-- self-confidence.

Right, self-confidence.

What's the painting, Jan?

Well, I'm supposed to be painting in the scene

so I started this last night when I was at home.

It'll make it easier for me.

You and Billy may begin when you're ready.

Okay.

Come in.

No, Jan, you wait till the landlord knocks.

Oh... sorry.

( knocking )

Come in.

Mademoiselle, I come to give you

one final chance to pay the rent.

But, monsieur, I must have more time.

I've almost finished my painting.

Jan, you have another line, dear.

Oh, right... sorry.

Let's start again.

Come in.

I'm supposed to knock first!

( knocking )

Come in, Billy!

Jan, he's the landlord, not Billy.

Go ahead.

Mademoiselle, I've come to give you

one final chance to pay the rent.

But, monsieur, I must have more time.

I've almost finished my painting.

Oh, uh... uh, I'm sure I'll sell it.

LANDLORD: Who would buy

such a horrible painting?

I must have the rent!

She is long overdo!

But I have no money.

Oh, here, hold this.

Hey!

I'm sorry, Billy.

BILLY: Hey!

Jan, dear, are you sure you're up to this?

I mean, you did have only one night to learn it.

No, Mrs. Ferguson, I'm not up to this.

Maybe our next play.

There won't be a next one for me.

Mom, Jan's tryout was a disaster.

She couldn't get anything right.

Poor kid.

She's going to be more miserable now than ever.

Hi, Mom, hi, Pete.

Hi, Jan.

Were you putting me on?

No, she really bombed out, honest.

Boy, did I ever bomb out.

Well, I'm delighted to see

you're so happy about it.

Well, it's what happened afterwards

when Mrs. Ferguson called me back.

You had left.

What happened?

Well, you know that picture I painted for the play?

Mrs. Ferguson is also our art teacher.

She says that I show a real talent as a painter,

that my painting was terrific

and that she wants me to enroll in her art class.

Oh, Jan, that's great.

Good.

ALICE: Now, how about that?

She tries out as an actress and winds up an artist.

You and Dad were right, Mom.

If I hadn't kept trying, I would have never known.

Hey, I wonder if it works the other way around.

Maybe if I tried to paint, somebody would discover

how much Raquel Welch and I have in common.

Would you believe Shirley Temple?

Is tonight's menu still a top secret?

No, it is now declassified.

Vichyssoise, Caesar salad

chocolate mousse in the icebox

tomatoes parmesan in the broiler

asparagus hollandaise

and the pièce de résistance--

boeuf bourgignon champignon.

Oh, honey, it looks and smells delicious.

You are the greatest.

Yes, that's true.

I have too much humility to disagree.

Now, call the kids, because dinner's ready.

Oh, that presents a problem.

Hmm?

The kids are going to a surprise party tonight.

What?!

You mean after I've slaved over a hot stove

making all this food?

Alice and I will eat our share.

Honey, I've got enough food here for nine people.

Well, call Alice to the table.

I'll start serving it.

( muttering ): Talk about lack of appreciation...

all the money I spent preparing all this gluck.

Surprise!

A surprise party, huh?

Well, you got to admit you were surprised.

KIDS: We want to eat!

We want to eat!

Hold it!

I've got a surprise for you.

Oh, what?

( with French accent ): The cook has resigned

and you are serving the dinner.

Oh, what did I tell you, Alice?

I knew we'd wind up doing all the work.

Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.Wgbh.Org