Original subtitles

♪ Here's the story ♪

♪ Of a lovely lady ♪

♪ Who was bringing up ♪

♪ Three very lovely girls ♪

♪ All of them had hair of gold ♪

♪ Like their mother ♪

♪ The youngest one in curls ♪

♪ It's the story of a man named Brady ♪

♪ Who was busy with three boys of his own ♪

♪ They were four men living all together ♪

♪ Yet they were all alone ♪

♪ Till the one day when ♪

♪ The lady met this fellow ♪

♪ And they knew that it was ♪

♪ Much more than a hunch ♪

♪ That this group must ♪

♪ Somehow form a family ♪

♪ That's the way we all ♪

♪ Became the Brady Bunch ♪

♪ The Brady Bunch ♪

♪ The Brady Bunch ♪

♪ That's the way we became ♪

♪ The Brady Bunch. ♪

Captioning sponsored by PARAMOUNT TELEVISION

Hey, Greg, sure you wouldn't want to trade jobs?

Uh-uh. You stick with your green thumb

and I'll do likewise with the green paint.

Telephone, Greg.

Who is it?

Well, I'm not sure.

The name is Joe, but the voice is soprano.

Oh, it must be Joanne.

I'll take it up here.

PETER: Hey, you're wilting.

Listen, either straighten up or I'll play

"she loves me, she loves me not"

with your petals.

Who are you talking to?

This flower; it makes them grow better.

Did you know a lot of people talk to flowers?

Yeah, but you're the only one

who thinks he gets answers.

That's funny.

Peter, look out!

Those pots!

They could have been my head.

Who cares about the dumb old pots-- look at me!

Bobby, you saved my life.

Thanks.

I owe you my life.

Forget it!

No way, somehow, some way

I'm going to pay you back for this, I promise.

What happened?

Hey, which one of you clowns

knocked over my paint?

Oh, no.

Are you hurt?

No... just green.

Dad, that ladder was heading

straight for my head

and Bobby pushed me out of the way

at the risk of his own life.

I'll never forget it, never.

Yech.

Well... welcome to our planet.

It's water-based.

I better hose you down.

I'm really shook from that brush with death.

Bobby is a real hero.

Peter, would you go up to your room?

Okay.

Sorry I'm late.

I took such a long bath

I'm like a wrinkled prune.

Have a seat, pal.

Thanks, Peter.

The All-American dish for the All-American hero...

Hurrah!

...Hungarian goulash.

Since when is Hungarian goulash American?

Since Zsa Zsa Gabor became a citizen.

I'd have whipped up a medal, too,

but all the gold went to buy the meat.

( ringing glass )

I'd like to propose a toast

to the bravest person in the world.

I'll toast to him; who is he?

My brother, Bobby.

Hear, hear.

Very sweet, Peter.

Peter, it's nice you think I'm so brave

but honest...

Well, let me, let me finish

I want to make a solemn promise

and you're all my witnesses

that I'm going to be worthy of the life

Bobby has given back to me.

GREG: Hear, hear for Bobby!

And also...

that I, Peter Brady, am going to be

Bobby Brady's slave for life.

I don't think you have to go that far.

Me neither, but if that's what he wants...

Oh, no, you don't.

What are you doing?

Polishing your shoes, that's what I'm doing.

And I'm gonna do it every day for you.

You don't have to do that.

I owe you.

Go do something you enjoy.

Thanks, Peter. That's really nice of you.

It's nothing.

If it wasn't for you,

instead of polishing these shoes,

I'd be polishing my harp at the pearly gates.

( whistling )

Oh, sorry about that, pal.

That's okay.

No, it's really inconsiderate of me to whistle

while you're trying to read.

I won't do it again.

I don't really want to read anyway.

How's that?

You missed a spot right there.

Oh, right, right. I'll get it.

Sorry about that.

( turns radio on; static crackles )

Darn this radio; all I get is static.

Leave it to me.

I'll fix it right after I finish these shoes.

( knock at door )

I'll get it.

Barb wants you on the phone.

What does she want?

She says the party started half an hour ago

and where are you?

Oh, well, tell her I can't make it.

Something much more important came up.

Okay, but she'll be mad.

Peter, you don't have to cancel the party

just for me.

Bobby, how can I enjoy a dumb old party

knowing that the person who saved my life

is sitting home with a bad case of static?

Your mom tells me you finally chose your wallpaper.

Yeah, Dad, here it is.

It was unanimous.

MIKE: Hey, that's terrific.

How did you all manage to agree?

CINDY: We didn't.

You just said it was unanimous.

Well, it was unanimous that we flip a coin for it.

Oh, I see. Well, that's the democratic way.

Well, tomorrow, I'll round up the boys,

and we'll get started. Great.

You won't get Peter to help, though.

He's too busy being Bobby's slave.

Yeah, Bobby saved Peter's life

and now Peter is working himself to death.

That's really great.

Can I ride it sometime?

Sometime?! All the time!

I'm making it for you, pal.

Me?

How come?

He saves my life and asks, "How come?"

That's really great of you, Pete.

But honest, you don't have to.

But I do.

No, you don't.

Bobby, I do.

Well, if you insist.

( phone ringing )

Bobby, honey, could you get that for me, please?

Yeah.

Hello?

Oh, hi, Steve.

No, I can't make it to the ball game.

Well, sure I'm loyal to the team

but I've got some work to do around the house, you know.

( door slides open ) Well...

Hey, hold on a minute, Steve.

Something wrong with your thumb?

( irritably ): Yeah, I was working on your go-cart

and I smashed it with the hammer.

Well, I guess that rules out the favor I was going to ask.

( sharply ): What favor?

I-I just couldn't ask a guy with a sore thumb,

even if I did save his life.

Go ahead, ask me.

No, it just wouldn't be right,

after you've polished my shoes, made my bed,

cleaned up my closet, fixed my radio...

oiled my bike, took out the trash for me

and all those other things.

Will you ask me?!

Well, Steve wants me to watch him pitch

against the Wooden Wolves

but it's my turn to clip the stupid hedges.

And if you could...

No, it just wouldn't be fair

for you to be clipping the hedges

while I'm sitting at a ball game,

eating hot dogs and snow cones.

I'd clip the stupid hedges for you

but I've got a date with Barbara, whose party I missed

because of you.

Oh, well, it's okay, Pete, I understand.

You don't have to clip the stupid hedges

just because I saved your life.

Okay! I'll cancel Barbara again

and I'll clip the stupid hedges.

You don't have to

if you really don't want to.

I want to! I want to!

Soon as I take care of my thumb.

Peter, let me see that.

Oh, honey, you better go soak that in cold water

till the swelling goes down, okay?

Okay.

( kissing )

I got it all worked out.

Meet you at the park. Bye.

See you later, Mom.

Bobby...

You have really been running Peter ragged.

Now, don't you think you might be overdoing a good thing?

Oh, no, Mom.

Peter's enjoying every minute of it.

( sighs )

Hey, what happened to you?

I was clipping the stupid hedges

and I fell in that rose bush.

I thought it was Bobby's turn

to clip the stupid hedges.

It was, but I volunteered.

You volunteered or you were drafted?

What's the difference?

Look, I've seen what's going on.

Bobby is making a pigeon out of you.

I'd rather not talk about it.

Okay, but it's your wings that are getting clipped.

Hey, Pete,

Steve clobbered them.

He pitched a two-hitter and won 14 to 13.

How'd they get 13 runs in a two-hitter?

Steve gave up a few walks.

The umpire was Mr. Ellison.

So?

He's the circulation manager for a magazine.

They're having a big contest.

The guy who sells the most subscriptions

wins a surfboard.

So?

If there's one thing

I'd really like, it's a surfboard.

Lots of luck.

I don't stand a chance of winning alone.

If that's a hint, I got more important things to do

than sell magazine subscriptions.

You've got time to lay around in your bed doing nothing.

Doing nothing!

I'm wiped out from doing all the work

around here for you.

Besides that, Barbara's not even speaking to me anymore.

It was your idea.

"I, Peter Brady, am your slave for life."

Isn't that what you said?

Okay, I'll help you sell magazine subscriptions.

No, not if you're going to be mad about it.

( bellowing ): I'm not mad!

You're mad, and I'm not going

to accept any more favors

unless you can do them with a smile on your face.

( with clenched teeth ): I'm smiling! See?

That's not a "smile" smile.

Forget I saved your life.

You want to know the truth?

I'm sorry you saved my life!

Living with a selfish creep like you isn't living!

Well, talk about ungrateful.

If that's how you feel,

just stay away from falling ladders

when I'm around

'cause I'm not going to be around.

Great! I've got nothing more to say to you

for the rest of my life.

Well, I never want to see you

for the rest of my life.

Fine, and you know something else?

I'm writing you out of my will.

What kind of cereal is this?

Well, it's something new we're trying.

Instead of popping, cracking and exploding,

it just lays there and tastes good.

Boy, I'm starved this morning.

Two glasses of cow juice,

two bowls of cereal, coming right up.

Skip me, Alice.

I'm particular who I eat with.

And I just lost my appetite.

Hi, Mom.

Hi, Peter.

I bring you the latest war bulletin, Mrs. Brady.

All's quiet on the western fronts.

Oh, did Peter and Bobby make up?

No, all's quiet

because they're not speaking to each other.

Oh, well, let me tell you something, Alice:

if those boys don't make up pretty soon,

we're going to start a counterattack

on their rear flank.

Listen, you guys, just plaster the holes,

not the spots, okay?

( Marcia laughs )

Boy, this is hard work.

GREG: We just got started.

JAN: It's a good time to remember to do homework.

Hey, no goofing off.

Okay, but I just want to ask Dad one question.

Yeah, what's that?

How long before we take a coffee break?

Never mind, just plaster.

Hey, Greg?

Yeah?

Can I talk to you for a second?

Sure.

JAN: Here, want some more, Marcia?

Yeah. It's getting kind of dry.

I just wanted to ask you...

Sorry, Bobby.

You can't move into my room with me.

How'd you know I was going to ask that?

'Cause Peter asked me the same question before you did.

I'd be a lot better roommate than that ungrateful creep.

Bobby, Peter's very grateful for what you did.

Let's face it, you used him.

Well, I saved his life, didn't I?

Look, I'm not going to argue about it.

You two are stuck with each other.

Not if I can help it.

Well, you're not moving in with me,

so you better work out a peaceful coexistence.

Boy, nobody in this house has any respect for heroes.

( rapping loudly )

You're just doing that to bug me.

I'm doing it because I happen to like nuts.

If it bugs you, leave the room.

It's as much my room as it is yours.

Hey, then you do your thing over there,

and I'll do my thing over here.

And just so there won't be any misunderstanding...

...this is your part of the room,

this is my part of the room.

This is no-man's-land.

( pop music plays loudly )

Great, I love music!

( whooping and gunfire playing on TV )

( TV stops playing )

Hey, plug that back in!

It's my TV set!

It's my outlet.

And you want to know something else?

I can't hear you through no-man's-land.

Well, you'd better listen a lot harder

'cause this will really interest you.

What?

The bathroom's on my side of no-man's-land.

( toilet flushing )

And... smooth it out...

and there it is.

( expressing approval ) How do you like it, girls?

Very nice, Mr. Brady.

Very, very nice.

Alice!

( laughter )

Oh...

Want to play a game or something, Alice?

Oh, gee, I'm sorry, Bobby.

Not tonight.

I've got to go to bed early.

I didn't sleep very well last night.

Why not?

I stayed up half the night

watching one of those TV horror movies:

The Demon that Devoured Detroit.

Gave both of us heartburn.

Want to watch some TV with me, Greg?

Sorry, I got a date.

I'll see you later.

( sighs )

Hey, where you going?

Going over to spend the night

at my friend Helen's house.

How come?

JAN: That wallpaper paste made our room smell too yicky.

MARCIA: Have fun.

Yeah...

Whoopee.

Good night, son.

Don't stay up past your bedtime.

Good night.

I might as well go to sleep right now.

There's nobody around here

to do anything with.

Oh, now, Bobby, Peter's home.

That's the same thing as being alone.

Bob, look, this has gone far enough.

Now, I want you to go upstairs

and make up with Peter right now.

He's the one that should apologize to me.

Wrong. You're the one

who took the advantage of the situation.

Right. Why don't you go on upstairs

and tell Peter you're sorry, okay?

Okay.

Good night, sweetheart.

Good night.

Pete?

I just want to say I'm sorry.

I bet you are.

I am.

I apologize for saving your life.

You apologize for saving my life?!

Yeah. See, if I hadn't have,

then you wouldn't have done me all those favors

and promised to be my slave for life,

and you wouldn't have quit in only a week,

and we wouldn't have gotten mad.

So I'm sorry for saving your life.

Boy, that's the crummiest apology I've every heard.

It wasn't crummy; I was being sincere.

Sincerely crummy.

Well, in that case, I take back my apology.

Good.

Creep!

Okay, now you're going to get it.

You can stay in there all night, for all I care.

Peter, the doorknob's busted!

That's all right, Fred.

I've got all night to shoot the breeze.

Pete!

Peter, you gotta let me out.

Peter!

Yeah, Ernie, I'd love to meet her.

Uh-huh.

Oh... yeah.

( laughing ): Oh...

Pete!

Somebody!

Anybody! Let me out!

Pete, let me out!

Peter, come on!

Let me out!

Somebody help me!

Thanks, Pete!

All I did was open the door.

Yeah, and saved my life.

Stop overacting.

I'm not.

A couple minutes more,

and then I could have suffocated.

See?

( gasping )

There's plenty of air in there.

Maybe, but... what about the fire?

What fire?

The one that could have started from spontaneous combustion.

We studied that in school.

It's your dumb imagination.

Things like that happen all the time.

The closet's filled with smoke.

There I am, choking to death.

Can't even scream for help.

( coughing )

Flames are licking at the closet door.

I'm trapped inside.

And suddenly, you bust in and save me.

You're a real hero, Pete.

Ah, come on.

No, really, you saved my life.

If you insist.

I insist.

Okay, well, now you're my slave.

You can start off by polishing my shoes...

Nobody's anybody's slave.

We saved each other-- now we're even.

I guess you're right.

I'm really sorry for taking advantage of you.

Okay?

Okay.

You're back in my will.

You know, it's not bad, if I say so myself.

( girls expressing approval )

Mike, you know, it is so beautiful,

that I was thinking...

Oh, no.

I remember last year, when you started thinking

after we painted our bedroom--

you wanted to paint the bedrooms,

you wanted to paint the halls,

you wanted to paint downstairs, right?

Oh, well, honey, in this case, I mean...

after all, the bathroom is connected

to the bedroom, and the hallway

is connected to the bathroom and the...

And you're forgetting one thing.

What's that?

This whole house is connected to my wallet.

Oh, you're going to love it.

( all laughing )

Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org