Original subtitles

♪ Here's the story ♪

♪ Of a lovely lady ♪

♪ Who was bringing up ♪

♪ Three very lovely girls ♪

♪ All of them had hair of gold ♪

♪ Like their mother ♪

♪ The youngest one in curls ♪

♪ It's the story of a man named Brady ♪

♪ Who was busy with three boys of his own ♪

♪ They were four men living all together ♪

♪ Yet they were all alone ♪

♪ Till the one day when the lady met this fellow ♪

♪ And they knew that it was much more than a hunch ♪

♪ That this group must somehow form a family ♪

♪ That's the way we all became the Brady Bunch ♪

♪ The Brady Bunch ♪

♪ The Brady Bunch ♪

♪ That's the way we became the Brady Bunch. ♪

Captioning sponsored by PARAMOUNT TELEVISION

Hi, Pete.

Struck out again, huh?

I'll be as old as you before I find a job.

Why don't you become a brain surgeon?

They make lots of loot.

( chuckles )

Hang in there.

Something's bound to turn up.

But I need a stereo tape deck

with four speakers right now.

MARCIA: Hey!

Wait till you hear what just happened.

What?

On the way to the library

I was passing Haskell's Ice Cream Hut

and Mr. Haskell was putting up a sign in the window:

"Help wanted, part-time."

Wow! Thanks, Marcia.

I better get right down there.

MARCIA: It's too late.

What?

The job's already taken.

By who?

Me.

You?

Sure.

Isn't anybody going to congratulate me?

I will, but I wouldn't count too heavily on peter.

Why?

I've been looking for a job all week.

I'm sorry, Pete.

I just happened to be in the right place

at the right time.

Yeah, sure.

There's Jan.

Jan!

Wait till I tell her the great news.

I don't get it.

I wore out a pair of bike tires

looking for a job all over town

and one falls right in her lap.

Some people get all the luck.

( crashing )

What are you two doing with my shoes?

We're polishing them.

Why?

To show you how much we appreciate you.

This wouldn't have anything to do with my new job, would it?

What new job?

We don't know anything about Marcia having a new job,

do we, Cindy?

No.

Oh, it's going to be very exciting.

You see, I get to work in a hardware store.

Hardware store?

We thought you were working in an ice cream parlor.

Didn't know anything about it, huh?

Well, we might have heard a rumor.

And if you think we're polishing your shoes

just for free ice cream...

You're absolutely right.

Hi.

Hi. Come on in.

Thanks, but I just stopped by for a minute.

Oh, okay.

Hi.

Hi. Listen, about tomorrow--

do you want to meet me at the tennis court

or should I pick you up?

I'm sorry, Jeff.

I'll have to break our date.

Tomorrow I start a new job at Haskell's Ice Cream Hut.

Yeah? But I reserved a court and everything.

I'm just as disappointed as you are,

but you know what they say-- business before pleasure.

Yeah, that's what they say.

Look, why don't you

make a reservation for us to play some night?

I get off work at 6:00.

Yeah, okay.

I'll be in touch.

Okay. Good-bye.

Boy, am I famished.

That little bag of vegetables last night

didn't go very far.

Alice, Mr. Brady is famished.

Breakfast coming right up.

I will have my eggs lightly basted.

Breakfast is served, Mr. Brady.

What's that?

Breakfast.

Dry toast and coffee?

It isn't enough to keep a hummingbird alive.

It is if the hummingbird has willpower.

Ah-ah-ah!

Cream is a no-no.

Well, that figures.

And jam is a double no-no.

Is there anything around here that's a yes-yes?

I would settle for a maybe-maybe.

What's this?

Lunch.

Since when do I take my lunch to work?

Since you stepped on that scale.

An apple, two crackers and a little piece of cheese?

That's a full ounce of cheese.

How did I get into this?

You and your big, fat willpower.

Here you are.

We can get cones this big anyplace in town.

You only paid for a single scoop.

Yes, but we're relatives.

Marcia, look at those skimpy cones.

That's no way to treat the family.

Let me have them.

Give me the cones.

Here, I'll take care of them.

There...

maybe a little more... there.

Maybe a little more.

There.

Here you are, kids.

Live a little.

Thanks.

From now on, you get all our business.

Uh, kids, why don't you try a seat at the table?

For you.

Compliments of the house.

No, thanks, Mr. Haskell.

I'm... on a diet.

It's my newest creation:

Pineapple-raspberry rhapsody.

Use your willpower, Alice.

Come on. One spoonful.

You'll love it.

Remember your diet, Alice.

Remember your hips, Alice.

I'll wait for you kids outside.

How's the job hunting?

Zero.

I've devoted nine years of my life to education

and all I'm qualified to do is fill out job applications.

I don't know what's got into this broom.

20 years ago, it swept by itself.

It glided, it skipped.

Mr. Haskell, maybe it's not the broom.

You're here morning, noon and night.

Why don't you slow down a little?

Marcia, in the ice cream business,

when you slow down, you melt.

Maybe you're right.

Maybe I should take afternoons off-- find a hobby.

That's a good idea.

So where am I going to find a helper as good as you?

Well, I know someone very much like me

and he does need a job.

Someone close to you?

Close enough to be my brother.

In fact, it is my brother.

Good.

If one Brady is good, then two are better.

Effective immediately, you're in charge of the afternoon shift.

Me?

Thanks.

Well, here goes my first afternoon off in 20 years.

I'm going to relax, even if it kills me.

Marcia, you're the greatest, most fantastic sister

a guy ever had.

Thanks, but let's not overdo it.

No, I'm serious.

You're super.

You're making it possible

for me to get that new stereo tape deck.

Well?

Well, what?

Aren't you going to finish wiping the rest of the counter?

Sure. Right after I take an ice cream break.

Peter, what do you think you're doing?

Who looks under tables?

I do.

Be my guest.

Feet up.

That's right, Kevin.

I'm a real working man now.

You ought to try it sometime.

Peter, you've been on that phone all afternoon.

Uh-huh.

Come on.

We've got work to do.

I can't cut Kevin off right in the middle.

It wouldn't be polite.

What were you saying, Kevin?

Now look, I am not kidding.

Get off that phone now.

Got to go, Kevin.

Okay, I'll see you.

What's the big hassle?

You and your goofing off.

Now how about helping me dust some of these shelves?

Oh, yeah, sure.

Just don't get so shook.

I'll get on it right away.

Just as soon as I make one more phone call.

Thank you.

( crowd cheering over radio )

We want a touchdown!

We want a touchdown!

We want a touchdown!

We want a touchdown!

Hey, what did you do that for?

There's two minutes to go, and my team's on the one-yard line.

Peter Brady, you're fired.

Fired?!

Fired!

( crowd cheering on radio )

For no reason at all, from right out of left field,

she fired me.

What a rotten thing to do

to your own brother.

That's what you get

when you give small people power.

They can't handle it.

MARCIA: Are you going to be in there all night?

Dictator!

You brainwashed Bobby.

No, I didn't; I told him the truth.

You fired me 'cause you're power-hungry.

I fired you because you're lazy and you deserved it.

You know what you are?

A company stooge!

What's the use?

Okay, run away from the truth, you Captain Bligh dictator.

And you're a capital "G" goof-off!

All right, you two kids, cool it.

Marcia gave me a raw deal.

In other words,

you did everything you were supposed to do?

I sure did.

Well, I would've

as soon as I got around to it.

Sooner or later.

Okay, so I'm not perfect.

You can say that again.

Peter, it seems to me you took advantage of Marcia

because she's your relative; true or false?

Well...

True or false?

True?

Well, all right then, what would you have done

if the situation were reversed?

I guess I'd have kicked me out, too.

I apologize, Captain Bligh.

Okay, Capital "G" Goof-off.

Hey, I just thought of something.

I put in three days of work.

Wonder if I could collect unemployment insurance.

( laughing incredulously )

I don't believe it.

Hello?

Listen, Marsh.

Hi, Jeff.

There's a great rock concert at the park on Saturday.

I thought maybe you'd like to catch it with me.

Well, I'm sorry, but I have to work.

Oh, well, we can get together Sunday and do something.

I'm really sorry, but I don't see how.

After working all week, I'm going to have to do my homework

and shampoo my hair and...

Yeah, yeah, I get the message.

Business before pleasure.

See you around.

Bye.

( click )

Sorry my brother didn't work out, Mr. Haskell.

Listen, Marcia, not everybody

is suited for the ice cream business.

Mr. Haskell, would you take a chance on another Brady?

Another brother?

No, a sister.

You mean the little one I met in here?

No. This one's older.

Well, they say this is a woman's world now.

Thanks, Mr. Haskell.

And don't worry.

We women won't let you down.

She's a very good worker, Marcia.

I told you, Mr. Haskell.

They say golf is a very relaxing game.

I think I'll go out and relax 18 holes worth.

Enjoy yourself.

Thank you.

And don't worry.

Just leave it to us Brady girls.

See you later, Mr. Haskell.

Bye. Bye-bye.

What should I do next?

Uh... memorize all 29 flavors.

I already did that.

What else?

Have some ice cream.

I came here to work, not eat.

Boy, your name sure isn't Peter.

Thank you. Come again.

( mixer whirring )

Marcia, you really picked us a winner this time.

Yes, sir. Jan's fantastic.

Aw, come on, Alice.

We don't care. Let us see.

Hey, congratulations, you lost four pounds!

Well, thanks to Mr. Brady and willpower.

Okay, your turn.

Well, I'm sure I've lost at least five.

Whoops. You gained three pounds.

That's impossible.

No secret eating, huh?

Not a calorie.

Your scale is out of kilter.

Ow, you're stepping on my foot!

That's 'cause you're stepping on my scale.

Come on.

Oh, no.

( shouting )

Oh, Alice, Alice!

May I help you?

Yes, please.

Hi, Marcia.

Hi, Jeff.

We'd like, um, two Lovers' Delight specials.

Two Lovers' Delights.

Oh, could you hurry that up, please?

We're going to a drive-in movie.

Two Lovers' Delights.

The nerve of him.

I couldn't care less.

Who needs him?

He can go out with anybody he wants.

Then why are you so upset?

Who's upset?

Just because he happens to be fickle doesn't upset me.

You would think he'd have better taste, though.

I think she's kind of pretty.

Only in sort of an obvious way.

She's practically sitting in his lap!

Two Lovers' Delights.

Here we go.

Two Lovers' Delights.

Would you care for whipped cream?

Yeah, please.

Okay.

Look what you did!

Oh, I'm sorry.

Come on.

Here. Let me...

let me wipe some off.

Marcia, he left without paying.

This treat's on me.

Boys.

From now on, I'm dedicating myself to my own career.

What career?

This one. Now I'm afternoon manager.

Soon I'll be full manager.

And someday Mr. Haskell will make me his partner.

Hi, partner... I mean, Mr. Haskell.

Hello, girls.

Sit down, Jan, sit down a minute.

Well, I did my best, but it's no good.

What's no good?

Teaching an old dog new tricks.

People said I needed relaxation,

so I relaxed, I went to play golf.

Trying to get that little ball into that little hole

I almost had a nervous breakdown.

That's too bad.

The best relaxation for me

is going back to work afternoons.

That means you won't need one of us.

That's right, Jan.

Tough break.

Marcia, Marcia, you're a very good worker.

Thank you, Mr. Haskell.

An employer has to take care of his best workers, right?

Right.

So, like I said, you're a very good worker, Marcia,

but... Jan here is a little bit better.

Huh?

I'm sorry, Marcia, but if I have to make a choice...

I have to choose Jan.

Marcia, I want to...

Don't even talk to me, you job stealer!

I keep telling you it's not my fault!

Girls, please, nobody's at fault.

I'm sure Mr. Haskell just hired the person he thought

was best for the job.

That's how it is in business.

But I got Jan the job.

And she sold out one sister for 29 flavors!

Oh, Marcia...

no job is worth all this-- I resign.

Now maybe Mr. Haskell will give you your job back.

Would you?

Yes, I would.

Are you sure that's what you want to do, sweetheart?

Positive.

( phone rings )

Hello?

Yes. Just a minute, please.

Marcia, it's for you.

It's Jeff.

Jeff, I just want you to know

that I'm not interested in anything

that you have to say

and that I really don't think that we should...

What?

You just dated her to get even?

Well, I squirted you with the whipped cream

for the same reason.

( giggling )

Yeah.

Really?

That sounds great.

Okay.

Bye.

Jeff's got something planned for us to do

every afternoon next week.

But what about your job?

You'll be working.

Correction, Jan, you'll be working.

I've just retired.

( laughing )

I got it!

You got what?

A job at the Leaning Tower of Pizza Parlor.

Hey, great, Peter.

It's better than working for Mr. Haskell.

You mean the salary?

No, see, Mr. Haskell only has 29 flavors.

The Leaning Tower has 32 kinds of pizza.

I hope I can keep my job long enough

to eat my way through each and every one of them.

( laughing )

Let's see.

Oh! Hey!

Uh-uh-uh.

Don't you know it's dangerous to wake up somebody

when they're sleepwalking?

Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org