Original subtitles

♪ Here's the story ♪

♪ Of a lovely lady ♪

♪ Who was bringing up ♪

♪ Three very lovely girls ♪

♪ All of them had hair of gold ♪

♪ Like their mother ♪

♪ The youngest one in curls ♪

♪ It's the story of a man named Brady ♪

♪ Who was busy with three boys of his own ♪

♪ They were four men living all together ♪

♪ Yet they were all alone ♪

♪ Till the one day when ♪

♪ The lady met this fellow ♪

♪ And they knew that it was ♪

♪ Much more than a hunch ♪

♪ That this group must ♪

♪ Somehow form a family ♪

♪ That's the way we all ♪

♪ Became the Brady Bunch ♪

♪ The Brady Bunch ♪

♪ The Brady Bunch ♪

♪ That's the way we became the Brady Bunch. ♪

Come on, Raquel.

Everyone's asleep, there's nothing to worry about.

( sighs )

We made it.

( bleats )

Shh.

If anyone finds you up here,

I'm in big, big trouble.

Raquel, not my American History report!

You've eaten the Boston Tea Party!

Not my tennis shoe.

What are you planning for dessert, my mattress?

( bleats )

I better get downstairs and get you some people food

before you eat me out of this room.

You know, I think I'll just take all this up to my room,

study some plays for the game.

Are you planning to eat all that

or you gonna open your own restaurant?

Don't worry, Mom, not an ounce of this will go to waste.

Good morning, good morning.

Hi, honey. Good morning.

You've got to be kidding!

I need energy for the game tonight.

Oh, speaking of the game,

I see by the newspaper that the Coolidge High School boys

swiped your West Dale mascot.

Yeah, our bear cub.

Those pranks are so silly.

Well, I'm surprised your school took it lying down,

'cause, in my day,

we would've gone right out and stolen theirs.

You would?

I did.

You didn't! Yes, I did.

Dad had the old school spirit, Mom.

Yeah, well, not according to the boys' vice principal.

You got caught?

I got suspended from school for a week.

Ha-ha, you deserved it.

No, he was just getting even with the other team.

Well, maybe your mother's right, Greg.

Looking back on it, considering the suspension,

it was a pretty dumb trick.

You know, I think kids today are too grown-up

to get involved in such childish behavior.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Want one of mine?

Thank you.

Hey, maybe you'd like a little guitar music.

( knock on door )

Who is it? Marcia.

Mom wants to know if you've got anything to go to the cleaners.

( bleating )

Greg, is there somebody up there with you?

Nobody!

Are you sure?

Yes!

Well, I can't wait all day.

All right, Marcia, all right.

You may as well know.

Shh, come on in.

I guess I can trust you.

Huh?

Trust me about what?

Well...

A goat!

( bleats )

Meet Raquel.

Wow... Hey, that's Coolidge High's mascot.

Right. West Dale had a revenge raid.

She's cute.

But why did you bring her here?

There was no place else to hide her

till after the game tonight--

at least no place that'd be safe.

Mom and Dad aren't going to be too thrilled

about a hot goat.

They better not find out, if you get the point.

Well, I'll do my part, but better tell Raquel

to keep her mouth shut, too.

Close the door on your way out.

Listen, Raquel, I'll share my breakfast with you

but not my bed.

Hi.

Is Greg still in his room?

Uh, why do you ask?

I just want to change his linen

and straighten things up a little.

Uh, no, not now, Alice. Why?

Well, uh, Greg's sort of busy.

Uh, maybe you better not bother him just now.

Oh. Something for school?

Yes, as a matter of fact,

it does have to do with school.

It's a real hairy problem.

Okay, I'll leave it till later.

( humming )

GREG ( through vent ): Now, listen, young lady, you be a good girl or else.

I better get a grip on my ears.

You talking to me?

Er, uh, no, I wasn't

but I could have sworn the closet was talking to me.

GREG: You like your ears rubbed?

Aw, does that feel good?

Look, Raquel, you had a pretty rough night,

so why don't you take a little nap?

Greg?

Yes, sir?

I want to see you in my den.

Just give me a couple of minutes, Dad.

Your couple of minutes were up a couple of minutes ago.

Greg, I want to talk to you.

Yes, sir.

It's about Raquel.

Raquel?!

Never mind how I found out about it.

The point is, she's in your room, isn't she?

Yes, sir.

Oh, Greg...

your mother and I have never questioned

your right to privacy,

but, I mean, this is carrying things a little too far.

Why did you do that?

I figured I could sneak Raquel in last night

and get her out without anyone finding out.

You mean she's been here all night?!

Dad, I was stuck. There was no place else

I could take her.

Oh... I am trying very hard

to be understanding and I'm losing.

Okay, Dad.

I never should've gotten mixed up with a beast like that.

Son, that is a dreadful thing to say about a girl,

no matter what she looks like.

A girl?!

Dad, I think we may have a communication gap going here.

Raquel is a goat.

As in nanny.

You know... ( bleating )

A goat?!

You mean a goat goat?

( laughing ): Yeah.

You mean, you thought I...

Sure did. I...

( laughing ): Oh, no.

( laughing )

Well, why didn't you say so in the first place?

Well, you sounded like you knew.

( laughs )

The next question is,

why are you running a motel for goats?

Well, it's... a special goat.

She's Coolidge High's mascot.

You didn't... Did you?

( chuckles )

Yeah, well...

Oh...

Well, that wasn't the brightest move in the world, son.

You said you did the same thing in school.

But I didn't say it wasn't stupid.

I also said it was wrong,

and if you want to know how wrong,

you wait'll your mother finds out.

Does she have to know?

Greg, you have got to return Raquel, no way out.

I know, but couldn't I do it kind of slowly,

like after the game tonight? No! Look, son...

Dad, I am in such a bind!

If the guys find out, they'll kill me.

It's just for a couple of hours.

( sighs )

Well, okay,

but just until after the game tonight.

Hey, thanks, Dad.

You're terrific.

And if your mother finds out,

you and I and Raquel may be roommates.

Uh, yeah, George, I'm just finishing the plans now.

I'll drop them off later.

Right, good-bye.

Honey, can we postpone our shopping till later?

Oh, sure. I have to get these plans out, anyway.

Where you going?

Oh, to an emergency PTA meeting.

I just got a call from one of the ladies.

Oh, yeah? What's the emergency?

Well, they think this mascot-stealing business

has gotten completely out of hand.

Now West Dale High has stolen Coolidge's mascot.

No...

Yeah, well,

we've got to try to do something about it.

Well, honey, I think the ladies are making more out of this

than it really deserves.

No, it isn't just the ladies.

Mr. Binkley, the boys' vice principal--

he's up in arms, too.

He's even given up his Saturday

just to come to this meeting.

Do they have any idea who the guilty guys are?

No, but when Mr. Binkley finds out,

he intends to make them examples for the entire student body.

Oh... great.

Well, thank goodness our boys aren't mixed up in it.

I'll see you later, honey.

Yeah.

Thank goodness.

( bleating )

Well, that's the way it is, son.

There's a vigilante committee

out to get everybody connected

with this missing mascot.

My own mother's one of the posse.

Even worse, is your vice principal's

leader of the pack.

Yeah, Mr. Binkley.

Looks like I'm the one who's the goat, Raquel.

( bleats )

You can say that again.

( bleats )

You know, Greg, there may be a way out of this--

if you act fast enough--

'cause the Coolidge High School guys

are in the same predicament

as you West Dale guys, right?

Right. Okay, I would think

they'd be in a mood for compromise.

How do you mean, compromise?

Well, both sides go from swiping to swapping.

Swap the mascots back again?

Yeah. See, that way, the heat's off--

I mean, well, provided you don't get caught swapping.

ed That's a great idea, Dad.

You have a fantastic criminal mind.

( laughing ): Yeah.

I'll get ahold of the Coolidge guys right away...

Yeah. ...and arrange for a secret prisoner exchange.

Good. Okay to borrow the car?

Well, I have to deliver a set of plans.

You come on, I'll take you.

Thanks.

You take it easy till we get back.

( bleats )

I don't hear anything.

Maybe Greg's out.

( clopping )

Listen.

Sounds like those high heels women wear.

It must be Raquel.

Sounds like four high heels.

Greg's got two girls stashed up there?

What an operator!

( Raquel bleats )

Well, one of those girls

sure has a funny voice.

( bleats again )

That's no girl.

Doesn't even sound like a person.

( clopping, bleating )

Let's go take a look.

( bleating )

It's a goat!

The Coolidge High mascot!

Greg must've been one of the guys who lifted it!

Greg's going to be famous!

You mean expelled.

Hey, come back! Come back here!

BOBBY: Come back!

PETER: Come back!

BOBBY: Come back!

( bleating )

CINDY: What's that?

JAN: It's a goat!

( both shouting ): Come back!

What's with the goat?!

PETER: Don't worry about it. Help us catch it.

BOBBY: Yeah, come on! Help us catch it!

Hey, come back here!

GIRLS ( shouting ): Raquel! Raquel! Raquel!

Raquel?!

Come back!

Raquel, come back!

( all shouting )

( laughing )

Come on in, ladies.

I wouldn't have said that!

You did, though, you did.

Make yourselves right at home.

Thank you.

Alice!

Oh, what a lovely home you have, Mrs. Brady!

Why, thank you!

Carol, did you get new chairs?

No, we just had them cleaned.

Oh, they look great!

Hi, Mrs. Brady, Mrs. Dingle.

What happened to your PTA meeting?

Hi, Alice. We had to switch houses.

I forgot the painters were coming today.

Alice, could you get us some tea, please?

Tea and cookies, coming right up.

That's great.

I'm glad the guys from Coolidge High

were as anxious to stay out of trouble as we were.

Yeah. Now all we have to do is get Raquel to the park

and change her for that bear cub.

Yeah. What a break-- Mom's at the PTA meeting.

I'll have a chance to get Raquel out.

Oh, your house is furnished so beautifully, Mrs. Brady.

Well, would you like to see the rest of it

before Mr. Binkley gets here?

I'd love to!

Oh, hi, dear!

Ladies, this is the man who designed the house--

my husband Mike...

and my son, Greg.

( exchanging greetings )

Well, uh, what happened to the PTA meeting?

Oh, we had a last-minute switch of houses.

But you timed your entrance perfectly.

The ladies were just wanting to see the house.

Oh, that's fine, fine.

Well, don't show 'em my room--

because I forgot to clean it up

and it's a mess;

it's a big mess.

MIKE: Yeah, well, we understand that, Greg.

Uh... well, would you like to see the garage?

No, I suppose not.

Uh, well, uh, how about my den?

( doorbell rings ) Great! This way, ladies.

Greg, would you get the door, honey? Thank you.

Um, okay.

CAROL: He doesn't let us in here that often.

Hello, Gregory.

Oh, hi... hi, Mr. Binkley.

I've already been to Mrs. Gould's house.

I hope there hasn't been

another change of meeting place?

Oh, yes, sir.

I mean, no, sir.

It's here.

May I come in?

Oh, sure, come on in.

Sorry.

I presume you've heard why we're meeting.

Something about school mascots.

Stolen mascots.

Youngsters must learn to respect

one another's property.

Today it's goats and bears

and, tomorrow, it's liable to be cars or even worse.

Uh, yes, sir, yes, sir.

I couldn't agree with you more.

Well, they're in the den here,

if you'll just follow me.

I'd like to show you the kitchen...

Back in the den!

( whispers ): Get the goat!

( whispers ): Raquel.

Come on, now I'll show you the upstairs.

Oh, honey, what about the kitchen?

I mean, that's your pride and joy.

Yeah, I'm saving that for last.

Yes, but you have an important meeting,

and I'm sure Mr. Binkley doesn't have time for the grand tour.

Well, I do have...

But it'll only take a moment, Mr. Binkley. Oh, very well.

See? Come on, everybody!

Wait a minute! I'll lead the way, I'll lead the way!

Raquel?

Three bedrooms up here and one upstairs.

I love the color scheme.

The two youngest boys have this room, on the right...

All clear of boys.

( laughs )

Look how neatly they keep it.

That's a good girl, Raquel.

Now just keep it cool, all right?

CAROL: And this bathroom was designed

for both the boys and the girls.

And now, I'd like you to see what I think

every house should have,

and that is a walk-in linen closet.

You've seen one linen closet,

you've seen 'em all, right?

Right?

Well, why don't you show them the master bedroom?

Ah, the master bedroom.

Right, right-- Master bedroom, uh...

I'll take 'em all there.

Uh, Mr. Binkley, there, there, just go right there.

( whispers ): You knew all about this, didn't you?!

I'll explain it later.

Ooh...!

( whispering ): I'll stall 'em in the master bedroom.

Get rid of the goat.

I'm trying to!

( bleats )

That's the second goat I've seen today.

( shrieks )

( bleating )

( women shouting )

Close the door!

Mrs. Brady...?

Greg, that's my shower curtain!

I know, I know!

Where's the goat?!

She's in the bathtub.

Well, go get it!

( bleats )

( yells )

CAROL: Oh!

That's my good spread!

I'll get it.

Be careful, Mike.

( bleats )

Gregory, Mrs. Gould is in the closet.

( whimpers )

Wait a minute; open it up.

( sighs )

I hope you have a good explanation for this, Gregory.

I hope so, too.

But I doubt it.

I doubt it, too.

Thanks for a lovely time, I think.

Oh, come back.

Carol, next time, I'm going to bring my track shoes.

All right, Selma. So long.

Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Thank you.

Bye-bye.

Mr. Brady, I want to commend you

on having acted so quickly

to effect the mascot exchange.

( chuckling ): Well...

And as for you, young man...

Yes, sir?

I think a 5,000-word essay

on the evils of mascot-stealing is in order.

5,000 words?

Greg, I think Mr. Binkley is being very generous.

Oh, yes.

Very generous.

Thank you, sir.

Well, hadn't you better run along, Gregory?

You have an appointment.

To return that goat.

The goat! Where is she?!

Oh... my poor house.

Boy, times sure have changed.

I did the same thing when I was a kid

and I got suspended for a week.

I was suspended for an entire month.

( all laugh )

Good-bye, Mr. Binkley.

Oh, thanks, Mr. Binkley.

Bye-bye. Bye-bye.

( whirring )

( switch clicks )

Well, that ought to do it, Mrs. Brady.

Boy, Alice, I tell you,

goats may be easy on the eyes,

but they sure are hard on the nose.

( laughing ): I'll say.

I'm glad Raquel has gone back

where she belongs.

Yes...

but the memory lingers on.