Original subtitles

THE BRADY BUNCH #101SS Closed captioned

♪ Here's the story ♪

♪ Of a lovely lady ♪

♪ Who was bringing up ♪

♪ Three very lovely girls ♪

♪ All of them had hair of gold ♪

♪ Like their mother ♪

♪ The youngest one in curls ♪

♪ It's the story of a man named Brady ♪

♪ Who was busy with three boys of his own ♪

♪ They were four men living all together ♪

♪ Yet they were all alone ♪

♪ Till the one day when ♪

♪ The lady met this fellow ♪

♪ And they knew that it was much more than a hunch ♪

♪ That this group ♪

♪ Must somehow form a family ♪

♪ That's the way they all became the Brady Bunch ♪

♪ The Brady Bunch ♪

♪ The Brady Bunch ♪

♪ That's the way they became the Brady Bunch. ♪

Captioning sponsored by PARAMOUNT TELEVISION

I don't believe it!

I mean, every guy in school

has tried to take out Sandra Martin.

So how'd you swing it?

Simple. I'm charming and irresistible.

Well, I heard a rumor

she only takes out college guys.

Who do you think started the rumor?

It eliminates competition.

Ooh, shrewd! That's awfully shrewd, Greg.

GIRL: Oh, Greg?

GREG: Hi, Sandra.

Hey, uh, could I talk to you for a moment?

Sure, Sandra. Hey, wait up, huh, Len?

Oh, sure.

I... don't want to say this,

but I'm going to have to break our date

for Saturday night.

Oh, no. How come?

My cousin Linda.

Right out of the blue,

she's coming into town to visit us.

I can't leave her sitting alone.

I'm sorry.

I really am.

Hey, wait...

how old is your cousin Linda?

18. Why?

Suppose I came up with a date for her

and we make it a foursome?

That'd be great.

Can you find someone on such short notice?

Simple.

And if your cousin looks anything like you,

I'll have to fight 'em off with a whip and a chair.

By the way, what does your cousin Linda look like?

I don't know; I haven't seen her in six years.

She had pigtails and braces then.

Pigtails and braces.

Well, a lot can happen in six years.

Right.

Oh, I have to run

or I'll be late for class. Bye.

Bye, Sandra.

Len, this is your lucky day.

Forget it. I heard.

Pigtails and braces? No way.

No, wait. That was a long time ago.

By now, I'll bet she looks like a million bucks.

Well, you know what that's worth

with inflation and all.

Do you know what I went through

to get this date with Sandra?

What kind of a friend are you?

Now, Greg, friendship's one thing,

but human sacrifice is something else.

But I'll blow the date with Sandra

if I don't get somebody for her cousin.

Well, you win some and you lose some.

See you.

I'll bet I can get 50 guys that'll jump at the chance!

At least 20.

I'd settle for one.

Hello, Fred?

What are you doing Friday night?

How about going out on a double date?

Well, so what if she is a blind date, Fred?

She's Sandra's cousin.

According to the laws of heredity,

she could look like...

Frankenstein didn't have a cousin.

Last chance, Fred. Yes or no?

Hi, sweetheart.

Listen, I tried to phone you

before I left the office.

Who's been on the phone?

The same person who's still on the phone.

What's the crisis?

Greg's trying to get a blind date

for his date's cousin.

I was phoning to see

about getting a date with you.

How's your Saturday night calendar?

Oh, well, I was planning to spend

a quiet evening at home with my husband.

Oh, well, that sounds dull.

How about something more romantic?

Candlelight dinner? Quiet restaurant?

Are you getting fresh with me, fella?

Gee, if I'm not, I'm doing it all wrong.

You just got yourself a date.

Good. Now all we have to do is brush up on this.

Ten Easy Steps to Spanish?

Mm-hmm. Isn't the menu in English?

No. We are entertaining

Mr. Calderon and his wife from Mexico City.

He's up here on a building deal with the company.

Oh, I get it-- now it's a business meeting with tacos.

No, honey, listen, you're going to have a good time.

They're a wonderful couple.

Don't they speak English?

Well, he does, but I'm not sure about his wife,

so I thought it'd be a good idea

to brush up on our Spanish, make her feel more at home.

Oh, honey, I haven't spoken Spanish since college.

Well, neither have I.

Shall we, uh, habla espanol together?

I'll habla with you anytime, señor.

"Switch dates with you if Linda turns out to be a dog"?

Thanks for nothing, Tom.

No luck, huh?

You'd think I could find one guy

willing to go out on a blind date.

Well, see, I'm getting this tremendous beard, and...

You are?

Well, I was wondering if I could use

your razor to shave.

Pete, you're too young to be shaving.

Oh, yeah? Well, I'm old enough to do

a lot of things now.

Pete?

PETER: Yeah?

Uh, you've given me an idea.

Buenas noches, Miguel.

Hey, practicing up for Saturday night, huh?

Si.

Good-- uh, muy bien.

Yo tengo good news.

Oh? Que?

Our muchacho has solved his problema.

Oh, fantastico.

Which muchacho and which problema?

Greg, and, uh, I think he's found a date

for his novia's, uh... prima.

Found a date for his girlfriend's cousin?

Si. And, uh, the caballero's name

is Felipe Packer.

( humming )

Buenas dias, señors y señoritas.

Buenas dias. Buenas dias.

How come we're all speaking Spanish?

We're practicing for your folks' guests from Mexico.

This is my first swing at Mexican cooking.

Ole! The piece de resistance,

as they say in the French quarter of Tijuana:

huevos rancheros.

They look like eggs.

Huevos are eggs.

I'm not too sure what rancheros means.

Go ahead and try it, one bite at a time.

It's hot!

It's good.

I guess, in my case,

rancheros means "flamethrower."

Now, I like it.

Tonight's the night--

our big double date.

Yep. How about that?

It's really going to be tough

concentrating in class.

Well, listen, just try and put it out of your mind.

I don't want you leaving your game

in the locker room.

Boy, an older woman.

Where are we going to take them?

Drive-in movie.

A drive-in movie!

What's playing?

Who cares?

( laughs )

Yeah.

( laughing )

This mustache was a good idea, huh?

Yeah, yeah, it makes you look a few years older.

But remember, don't say too much.

You can be the strong, silent type.

That way, you can't make too many mistakes.

Okay. You never did tell me what Linda looks like.

Looks like?

( doorbell rings )

Listen, to a dude like Phil Packer,

it doesn't make any difference.

He treats them all alike. Get it?

Got it.

Hi, Greg.

Hi, Sandra.

I'd like you to meet Phil Packer.

Hi.

Hi, Phil.

Linda!

Greg has told me a lot about you.

Linda's looking forward to meeting you.

Hi.

Linda, I want you to meet Greg Brady

and Phil Packer.

( stuttering ): Hi.

Hi.

Which one of you is Phil?

Me. He's Greg, I'm Phil. Right, Greg?

Yeah, right.

We'll get our things, be right back, okay?

GREG: Mm-hmm.

Boy! You really know how to pick them.

Whew!

Linda's the most beautiful woman I ever saw.

I hope I don't goof it up.

Just take it easy, Pete.

Play it cool, huh?

Do just what I do.

Do what you do. Got it.

Sorry it took so long.

It took a long time.

It's kind of crowded.

A lot of people.

Thanks. Thank you.

Enough butter on it?

Plenty.

Enough butter on it?

Yeah, it's fine.

Oh, I'm really sorry about that.

Phil... Phil!

I'm sorry. That's all right, Phil.

Phil, it... Phil, it doesn't matter.

That's... It's all right.

Here, you can have mine.

Thank you.

What's that wild scent you're wearing?

Exotica.

( sniffs loudly )

What's that wild scent you're wearing?

Buttered popcorn.

I'm sorry about that.

Have some.

Oh, thanks.

Hey, Phil, how about some of that popcorn, buddy?

What?!

( whispers ): Your mustache.

Um, we're going to go get some, uh, cold drinks or something.

We'll be right back. Don't go away.

I don't understand what's the matter with Greg.

He seems so different at school.

And I don't understand what's with his friend Phil.

I've never, uh, had a date like this before.

Good night, Greg.

Good night. Thanks.

It was... fun.

Well, I hope so.

It really was. Wasn't it, Linda?

Oh, yeah. It was great.

Thanks, Phil.

No sweat.

Bye-bye. Bye.

Well, I'll see you at school on Monday.

Good night. Good night.

Thanks again. Nice meeting you, Linda.

See you. Bye.

How'd I do?

Well, I'm not sure yet.

When will you be sure?

Monday, when I ask Sandra for another date.

Will you fix me up, too?

Pete, from now on,

Phil Packer can find his own dates.

You're right.

After what I pulled off tonight,

I'm ready to solo.

That was really a strange evening.

Did you catch that phony mustache on Phil?

Did I? It was practically everywhere

but under his nose.

I'll bet he wasn't 15 or 16 years old at the most.

I'm sure his name wasn't Phil, either.

I could swear I heard Greg call him "Pete" once.

You know what?

What?

I think Greg has

a brother named Peter.

I'll bet that's who Phil was.

Why would Greg pull a gag like that?

I have no idea.

But one good gag deserves another.

How'd you like to get even?

Cousin... I'm with you.

( phone rings )

Hello.

Who's calling?

Yeah, sure. Hang on.

Hey, Greg, it's her-- Sandra.

Ask her how I did with Linda.

Not unless she brings it up first.

Hi, Sandra.

Hello, Greg.

I just had to call and tell you again

what a wonderful time we had last night.

You really did?

You were right-- Phil's too much.

Linda hasn't stopped talking about him.

Linda really liked Phil?

She really did.

She wants to know

if the four of us can get together again.

Like tonight?

Tonight?

Uh, well, Sandra.

Phil may already have a date.

But we could go out.

I couldn't go without Linda.

And I really wanted to see you again.

That is, if... you want to see me.

How about in 20 minutes?

Oh, what if Phil's dated up?

I'll get him to cancel it.

I'm sure he can make it.

Okay. Bye.

Bye.

I wish I could take a picture of Greg's face

when we're both falling all over Phil.

( both giggling )

( deeply ): Hi, there.

What happened to your voice?

Nothing, baby.

Have you got a cold?

No, just devastatin' charm.

( snaps fingers )

( knocking on door )

CINDY: Open up, Peter!

JAN: Are you going to stay in there all night?

What took you so long?

I was shaving.

What, your legs?

For your information, I got whiskers.

Yeah, I guess it took him all that time

to find the one he's got.

Very funny.

Hey, what are you all dressed up for?

I've got a date.

Who's the unlucky girl?

What would you say if I told you

I was taking out an older female?

An older female what?

( doorbell rings )

Ah, buenas noches

Señor Calderon... y Señora.

Buenas noches, Mr. Brady.

Buenas noches, Señor.

Entre, por favor.

Muchas gracias.

Bienvenidos.

Mi casa es su casa.

Thank you very much.

Le presento a mi esposa, Carol.

Muchisimo gusto, Señora.

Very pleased to meet you.

Tengo mucho gusto, Señor y Señora Calderon.

I am Juan.

My wife, Maria.

I'm Carol, and this is Mike.

You speak Spanish very well.

Oh, thank you.

Won't you please sit down?

Yes, please.

Gracias.

Well, we're seldom able to use our Spanish

and we thought tonight was a perfect opportunity.

It is the same with us for... for English.

We had hoped to use it this evening.

Oh, well, you go right ahead. That's a deal.

Oh, Alice Nelson, Señor and Señora Calderon.

Es un placer.

Tanto gusto.

Tengo mucho gusto.

That's it for me and Spanish.

( chuckles )

Well, we made reservations for this evening

but if there's anything special you'd like,

it's no trouble to change it.

Well, if you're sure it's no trouble.

Oh, no trouble at all, honest.

In that case, we would love to try

one of your typical American dishes.

What's that?

Pizza.

Pizza! Really?

Really! Si.

I don't know whether I know a good pizza place or not.

No, not a good one. Let me see.

We do, Dad.

Marioni's is super.

We always go there.

Yeah! Marioni's has the greatest pizza.

Kids ought to know pizza.

These are our daughters.

Marcia, Cindy and Jan, Señor and Señora Calderon.

GIRLS: Hello. Hi.

Tanto gusto.

Hope you enjoy your stay here in town.

Muchas gracias.

Thank you.

Nice meeting you.

Nice talking to you.

Have a nice dinner.

You have the most charming daughters.

Juan says that the children reflect their parents.

Thank you.

We were reflected three more times with sons.

( laughing )

They're out tonight.

Well, if it's pizza you want, it's pizza you shall have.

( deeply ): Well, I cut to my right,

then I cut to my left,

then I ran 100 yards for a touchdown.

That's fantastic.

What a run, Phil.

Yeah, too bad it all happened in a dream.

You're just jealous, Greg.

( girls giggling )

Oh, that's great. Thank you.

Isn't this charming?

Smells good.

I know exactly what I want.

One super size pizza with... how you say, "the works."

Make that two.

Uh-oh. What's Spanish for "heartburn"?

Oh, Mike.

Phil, you are fantastic.

I've never kissed a fellow with a mustache before.

Does it tickle?

You won't find out.

Phil's with me.

Remember?

SANDRA: Was with you.

Don't fight, girls.

There's enough of me to go around.

I don't get this.

I understand we're having a meeting

tomorrow morning on the preliminary plans.

Yes, Mike.

I wish to make a decision before we leave this weekend.

Good, good.

( clicking tongue )

Is something wrong, Señor Calderon?

Excuse me, but it is very embarrassing.

What is?

Those children.

Necking, as you say, in public.

( girls murmuring and cooing )

( girls giggling )

Pete!

Oh, no!

What's the matter?

Only everything.

Those are our parents.

Boy, do we have a lot of explaining to do to them.

( sighs )

Boy, do we have a lot of explaining to do for you.

I hope we didn't ruin Dad's deal with Mr. Calderon.

Yeah. Or our lives at home.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi.

How did it go with Mr. Calderon?

Well, luckily, we're still in business.

Oh, that's a relief.

Good.

They didn't exactly approve

of your X-rated behavior

but they did admire the way

you and the girls told the truth.

We're really sorry about the whole thing.

Boy, I really learned something.

One, you act your age.

And two, you don't try to be something you're not.

And three...

Yes?

You find out in advance

what restaurant your mom and dad are going to

and go someplace else.

( laughs )

( clears throat )

( both burst out laughing )

Oh.

( Greg laughing )

I

I wonder

I wonder what's

I wonder what's taking

I wonder what's taking her

I wonder what's taking her so

I wonder what's taking her so long?

I wondShe says she has a date with an older man,

so she wants to make herself look older.

I wonder how she'll do that.

JAN: Does this make me look any older?

( laughing )

MARCIA: Oh, come on!

Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org