Original subtitles

♪ Here's the story of a lovely lady ♪

♪ Who was bringing up three very lovely girls ♪

♪ All of them had hair of gold ♪

♪ Like their mother ♪

♪ The youngest one in curls ♪

♪ It's the story of a man named Brady ♪

♪ Who was busy with three boys of his own ♪

♪ They were four men living all together ♪

♪ Yet they were all alone ♪

♪ Till the one day when ♪

♪ The lady met this fellow ♪

♪ And they knew that it was ♪

♪ Much more than a hunch ♪

♪ That this group ♪

♪ Must somehow form a family ♪

♪ That's the way we all ♪

♪ Became the Brady Bunch ♪

♪ The Brady Bunch ♪

♪ The Brady Bunch ♪

♪ That's the way we became ♪

♪ The Brady Bunch ♪

-Alice? -Hmm?

How come we buy the same things every week?

Maybe because we got the same kids every week.

Mother! Alice!

Guess what happened at school today.

What?

I was picked from all the kids

to be on a television show.

On a television show?!

Yeah. The one called Question the Kids.

That's the one where kids from different schools

compete against one another.

-Right. -Oh, that's wonderful, sweetheart.

Well, congratulations, Cindy.

When are you going to be on TV?

Well... I'm not sure

I am going to be on television.

But I got picked!

You got picked to do what?

Well, you see,

there are different tests for different grades,

and I got picked to take the test for my grade

to see who gets picked to be on television.

Oh, well, that's still terrific, honey.

Big deal.

I got picked, too, for my grade.

Both of you got picked?!

That's terrific.

We've really got brains in this family, huh, Alice?

Yeah, two eggheads in the same nest.

Lots of kids got picked to take the test,

but only four get to be on television.

So we'll have to study real hard

or we won't even have a chance to win.

It'll be a cinch.

For me, anyway.

Too bad Bobby's suffering from

a lack of confidence isn't it?

Hey, Bobby...

-I've got a great idea. -What?

We both have to take a test to be on the television show

so why don't we study together?

I don't have time.

-Why not? -I'm busy.

I'm building a real Indian teepee

like I saw in the movies.

What's so important about building an old teepee?

Just ask any old Indian.

I've got to wash my hair today.

-It looks awful. -I've got to study my French.

Lately, it sounds like Pig Latin.

-Jan? -Mm-hmm?

Would you help me study?

I'm sorry, Cindy. I can't.

I've got to wash my hair.

Can't you wash it tomorrow?

What? And take a chance

of having oily follicles?

Would you help me study, Marcia?

Can't, Cindy.

I've got to study this French vocabulary.

Then I guess I might as well

forget about being on television.

You mean you made it?

You mean you got picked to take that television test

-that we were talking about? -Yeah.

Well, sure, we'll help you.

You will?!

Sure.

Gee, do you have to learn

both those big books?

Oh, no. All of these, too.

Hey, Bobby.

Aren't you supposed to be studying?

-What for? -For the test for the television show.

Don't you want to be on TV?

Sure. But I know all that stuff.

Cindy's really studying for her test.

Maybe I'm smarter than she is.

You're not too smart about putting up a teepee.

Hey, come on, let's help him.

Hold it.

I know all about putting up one of these.

Oh. Well, listen to Big Chief Know It All.

-Hey, you start. -Okay.

Go.

Uh-huh, just you, the Swansons and the Clarks.

Yeah. No no no. Just wear something casual.

Mike's gonna barbecue.

Okay, right. Yeah, Saturday the 3rd. Okay?

Bye-bye.

Hey, you guys! Look!

[Native-American style music playing]

-Wow! -Hey, not bad.

See? I told you I could do it all by myself.

Hey!

[Greg laughs]

Looks like you Big Mistake.

Ah! Hey, Alice, I think this solution is finally

getting the rust off the barbecue.

The Watsons got some special stuff

they just sprayed on the grill and ate the rust right away.

Well, why don't we use that?

'Cause it ate the grill, too.

Oh. [chuckles]

-Mike? -Yeah?

I just talked to the Clarks and the Bernsteins,

and they said the third would be just great.

Hey, good. Oh, listen. I forgot to tell you

I ran into Ross Allen and Don Metzger

and they'd heard about the party from Chuck Swanson,

so I had to invite them, too.

Oh, but, honey,

if we invite the Allens and the Metzgers

then we're gonna have to invite the Kaufmans and the Burkes.

Well, why don't we ask them, too?

Steaks for 14 people?

Well, I could take a loan on the house.

Mrs. Brady, why don't we have a Mexican dinner?

It would cost a lot less.

Hey, Alice, that sounds like a great idea.

Listen, I thought you wanted me to barbecue.

I've got some great Mexican recipes.

They come in three degrees-- hot, super hot

[gasps] and pass the fire extinguisher.

I think hot'll be hot enough.

I'll bet that "pass the fire extinguisher" one

is really something special.

Automatically makes you a Mexican citizen.

I spent all afternoon cleaning the barbecue.

Can I see some of those recipes?

Yeah, sure.

Carol?

Yeah?

What about my barbecue?

Oh!

It looks just terrific.

Adios.

I spent all afternoon cleaning the barbecue--

really looks terrific.

Aha! Here's one.

Who gave the famous speech that started

"Four score and seven years ago..."?

Abraham Lincoln.

That's right.

I'm gonna give you one to test your logic.

-So listen real carefully, it's tricky. -Okay.

You're the bus driver. And the bus is empty.

At your first stop, ten people get on.

At your second stop, nine people get off,

-but two more get on. Okay? -Okay.

Okay, your next stop, two people get on

and four more get off.

-You got that? -Got it.

Okay. Now here's your question.

What's the name of the bus driver?

-The name of the bus driver? -Yeah.

How should I know?!

"Cindy Brady."

I said you were the bus driver.

I told ya it was tricky.

That was real tricky.

[Greg chuckles] Okay.

Now here's another one, Cindy.

See if you can get this.

It's tricky now. You ready?

I'm ready.

There's a rooster and he's sitting and he's sitting

on top of the house.

and it has a slanted roof.

Now, when he lays an egg, which side will it roll off?

It won't roll off at all.

'Cause roosters don't lay eggs.

[laughs] That's right!

[Peter] That's using logic.

-Mrs. Brady? -Yup?

I found that magazine with the recipes in it.

Oh, good, we can get started

on our smorgasbord menu.

What smorgasbord menu?

For our party on the tenth.

What happened to our party on the third?

Oh! Didn't I tell you?

The Kaufmans and Burkes couldn't make the third

so we switched it to the tenth.

What about all that Mexican food?

Oh, honey, well, see,

the Swansons and Allens have guests that weekend,

and the Metzgers' uncle is visiting them from Seattle,

so they have to bring them along and that's

just too many people for a sit-down dinner.

So, instead of Mexican food on the third

-we're going to have smorgasbord on the tenth. -Right.

We not only change dates, we change continents.

Oh, that's right, today's the big day

of the TV test, isn't it?

I got it down cool.

Yeah, good luck.

Good luck, honey.

How about you, Cindy?

Are you ready for it?

Well, I'll just try to do my best.

Well, honey, that's all any of us can do.

-Bye-bye. -Good-bye.

I don't understand, why are we having a smorgasbord

when we've got 45 pounds of Mexican food?

The party's on the tenth, not the third.

I wonder if I'm invited.

Find anything interesting for our smorgasbord, Alice?

Well, nothing I can pronounce.

Here's one that sounds good but it's complicated.

I don't know if you can make it.

It's a recipe for sma kottbullar.

If you can say it, I can make it.

Oh, here's some more.

There's, uh... rhabarb bragrot

persch torsk...

schlot steak

and that old standby, frikadeller .

Such language--

I'm glad the children aren't around.

I can't wait to see how this dinner turns out.

I've got some more recipes in that magazine in my room.

-I'll get it. -Okay.

CINDY: Mom! Mom!

I won! I won! I'm going to be on television!

Oh, sweetheart, I'm so proud of you.

Me, too.

How'd Bobby do?

I didn't even wait to find out.

I wanted to come home and tell you about me!

Congratulations, honey.

Why don't you go tell Alice the news.

She's in her room.

-Hi. -Hi.

Hey.

Come here.

[Bobby sighs]

how'd you do on the test?

I got wiped out.

Oh, I'm sorry, honey.

It was a tough test.

Really tough, huh?

It was so tough, lots of guys didn't make it.

Let's face it, chum--

you didn't make it because you didn't study.

Well, maybe not too much.

Yeah. Maybe not at all.

[sighs] I guess.

Bobby?

You're going to be on the TV show with me, aren't you?

You mean you won?

Sure. Didn't you?

No.

It was a tough test.

Tough?

Mine was easy for me.

I guess I'm just smarter than you are.

[Native-American drums play]

How.

Hi, Dad.

Hmm.

Well, I hear of tribe named Blackfoot.

Never hear of tribe named Sneakerfoot.

You did a nice job on your teepee.

Yeah. Better job than I did on that test.

Mm-hmm. Well, cheer up.

It's not the end of the world.

I guess I was a real dummy for not studying.

Yeah. Well, if you never make a mistake

you never learn a lesson, huh?

I guess so.

Yeah. That's all water under the bridge.

Okay, Chief?

How.

How.

Hey, Cindy, you want to play in my teepee?

Don't be silly.

What's silly about it?

I might get dirty.

So what?

Television stars don't play in teepees

and they don't get dirty.

Who's a television star?

I am, that's who.

Hi, Cindy.

You want to lick the bowl?

No, thanks. It's not ladylike.

Ladylike?

Yes. What are we having for dinner?

Swiss steak and spaghetti.

Not me.

Honey, those are two of your favorites.

Not anymore they're not.

They're rich and fattening.

Well, sure. All that good stuff is.

Just fix me a small salad, please.

Hey, wait a second.

Do you mind telling me why the special diet?

A star can't go on television

all fat and broken out.

-Hi. -Hi.

Cindy's at it again.

GREG: She's been in there for an hour.

"When you're a TV star

your hair has to be just right."

How many ways can there be to fix hair?

She's tried everything but an afro.

Well, if she keeps this up, she won't have to worry

about her hair on TV.

She'll be bald.

[laughs]

I was wondering...

do you think I ought to have my ears pierced?

Cindy, the last thing you need

is two more holes in your head.

Oh, no.

Cindy, not again.

I have to make sure

I wear just the right thing on television, don't I?

But, Cindy you've already tried

these dresses on umpteen times.

So? I don't know which goes best

with my hair and my eyes.

Cindy, you're really getting to be a drag.

You're acting as if it was a beauty contest

instead of a brain quiz.

Okay, then, just name me one big television star

who isn't worried about the way she looks.

Lassie.

Arf, arf.

Hurry.

-Oh... -Oh, God.

Well... six shopping carts full.

I think that's a new record.

Yeah, but you've got to admit

a smorgasbord is a pretty good idea.

We have got enough food to feed all our friends

their relatives, their houseguests

plus any last-minute drop-ins.

Even their drop-ins can bring their drop-ins.

Looks like you've got plenty of smorgas for the bord.

There's still more smorgas in the car.

Hey, Alice, were there any calls while we were out?

Just one. The school called

to give you the date of Cindy's television show.

-Oh, good. -When is it?

I'll give you a hint.

We're going to be eating this stuff a long, long time.

Alice...

you don't mean...?

I do mean.

-No, no, no, no. -Yes, yes, yes, yes.

Naturally, the tenth-- the night of our party.

I'll get the rest of the stuff out of the car.

You know...

I don't believe it.

First, we're going to invite a couple of friends over...

I'm going to barbecue steaks.

Then we changed to a Mexican dinner

so we can invite more people.

So I cancel the steaks.

I run all over town

in search of authentic Mexican food.

But then we switch to a smorgasbord

so we can have friends and friends of friends

and uncles and relatives and assorted drop-ins.

But now I have got enough Mexican food

to feed every guitar player in Guadalajara.

And I corner the market on herring.

And now I find out

that we are having a party for 26 people on the tenth

and the only people who aren't going to be here are us.

That was a wonderful soliloquy, Hamlet.

Are you finished?

Yes.

Ah, maybe you better go help Alice

get the rest of the things out of the car.

[sighs]

Poor dear.

Mom, we're going to study in the family room.

Oh? What's wrong with your own room?

It's too full of Cindy, the television star.

She has her clothes scattered all over

and she never stops talking about being on television.

Cindy...

How do you think these look, Mom?

Terrible.

You are much too young

to be wearing Marcia's earrings.

I can see now why Marcia and Jan are complaining.

They're just jealous.

They're not jealous and they're not the only ones complaining.

If you mean Bobby, he's just mad

because he was too dumb to win.

Listen, sweetheart, Bobby is not dumb.

If he didn't win it's just because he didn't study.

Well, that's dumb.

Besides, he's a bad loser.

It seems to me that you're a bad winner.

You know, you shouldn't put down a loser, Cindy

because you might be one yourself someday.

Just remember that.

Don't you want to come

and watch me be on television?

Uh, no, thanks.

I've had you and TV up to here.

Okay, then you're going to miss all the excitement.

Oh. We'll try to live through it.

I never thought my own sisters would be so jealous.

She's got a size ten body and a size 24 head.

I'm leaving for the show now.

Hooray.

Would you boys like to be the first

to get my autograph?

-Autograph? -Uh, I'm afraid

that's just too big an honor for us, Cindy.

Okay. You had your chance.

Cindy, will you please come on?!

-It's time to leave! -You folks all set to go?

Alice, will you try to get the kids

to watch Cindy on television?

-Cindy! I'm coming. I'm coming.

Good luck, honey.

Do you think this dress will look good on color TV?

Maybe I'd better wear my blue one.

Uh, uh, Cindy.

Come on. Give me that compact.

Let's go.

Good-bye, Alice.

Bye.

Now, don't forget, kids.

When this little red light goes on, we're on the air

and we'll be in everybody's living room.

Now does everybody have their thinking caps on?

[all] Yes, sir!

Good.

Take your places.

[TV clicks on]

I was just about to call you kids.

Alice, we wouldn't miss Cindy for anything.

That's what I call real family spirit.

We want to see Miss Smarty-Pants

fall right on her big, fat head.

Yeah, we can't wait to see her bomb.

Like I said, real family spirit.

Hey, Bobby, turn it up, will you?

The questions I'll be asking

are based on your regular schoolwork.

So, when you know the answer. Just raise your hand.

And remember, when that little red light on that camera goes on,

we're on the air.

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.

Welcome to the Question the Kids show.

I'm Monty Marshall, your quizmaster.

And tonight, it's Clinton Grammar School

versus Woodside.

And may the better team win.

Now, here's your first question.

Listen carefully.

"Four score and seven years ago"

is the beginning of what speech?

Yes, Woodside?

Lincoln's Gettysburg Address.

[Marshall] That's right.

How is the word "swiftly" used in the following sentence?

"The boy ran swiftly."

Clinton.

As an adverb.

[Monty] That's right.

Mike, what's the matter with Cindy?

Just staring at the camera

like she's got televisionitis.

Spell the word "thoroughfare."

Woodside.

T-H-O-R-O-U-G-H-F-A-R-E.

[Monty] That's right.

What's wrong with Cindy?

She's not even raising her hand.

Talk about dumb.

She knows all those answers by heart.

Then why doesn't she answer them?

[Monty] Now, name the last two states

that joined the union.

How come Cindy just sits there?

She looks scared.

Come on, Cindy, loosen up.

Woodside.

Alaska and Hawaii.

[Monty] Right!

Oh, she knew that.

Now, name the capital of Louisiana.

Come on, Cindy. I know you know this one.

Cindy, raise your hand.

Cindy, you know it!

Baton Rouge. Baton Rouge.

-Woodside. -Baton Rouge.

- [Monty] That's correct! -Cindy...

Now, how many pecks are in a bushel?

-Clinton! -Four.

[Monty] Right!

I don't want to see anybody.

They'll all make fun of me.

It's not going to get any easier later.

Come on.

[all] Cindy!

-You looked terrific! -Especially your hair.

The dress was fantastic.

You were the prettiest girl there.

Oh, yeah. We all thought so.

I didn't answer a single question.

I was a real dum-dum.

Cindy... Cindy...

I was the dum-dum.

I didn't even pass the test.

You studied, and you got on TV.

Bobby, you're a terrific brother.

Women!

One nice word, and you get all wet.

-Aw! -[laughter]

-Poor baby. -Aw! Come on!

Well, honey, I finally got it all worked out.

Yeah? What's that?

I've called the Swansons, the Bernsteins, the Clarks

the Kaufmans, the Burkes, the Metzgers and the Allens.

It took a lot of juggling,

but they can all come on the 24th.

-On the 24th, huh? -Yup, that's when we're having the party.

Great. I'll phone you. Let me know if you're having a good time.

What do you mean you'll phone me?

'Cause that's the weekend

I'm going to be out of town at the convention,

-remember? -Catch me.