All language subtitles for The Brady Bunch_S04E17_Bobbys Hero

♪ Here's the story
of a lovely lady ♪

♪ Who was bringing up
three very lovely girls ♪

♪ All of them had hair of gold,
like their mother ♪

♪ The youngest one in curls ♪

♪ It's the story
of a man named Brady ♪

♪ Who was busy
with three boys of his own ♪

♪ They were four men
living all together ♪

♪ Yet they were all alone ♪

♪ Till the one day
when the lady met this fellow ♪

♪ And they knew that it was
much more than a hunch ♪

♪ That this group must
somehow form a family ♪

♪ That's the way we all became
the Brady Bunch ♪

♪ The Brady Bunch,
the Brady Bunch ♪

♪ That's the way we became
the Brady Bunch. ♪

Hi, honey. I didn't
hear you come in.

Well, I never disturb
a genius at work.

So I guess I'm not
bothering you, huh?

-Thank you.
-[laughs]

Hey, how's
the speech coming?

I didn't realize
it was going to be
this much research.

What's it going
to be about?

The use of ancient
architecture in
modern buildings.

Ah, that ought
to turn them on.

[phone rings]

Hello?

Yes, this is Mrs. Brady.

Oh, hello, Mr. Hillary.

My husband happens
to be at home right now,
as a matter of fact.

Yes, we can both come over.

Yes. Okay, Mr. Hillary.

Yes, we'll see you
in a little while. Thank you.

Bye.

-[hangs up phone]
-Bad news.

He didn't say--
but when the principal calls,

is it ever good news?

Salt, pepper, uh...

cookies.

Cookies! Ha-ha! Cookies.

Salt, pepper,
cookies, cookies, cookies.

Alice, Mr. Brady and I
have to go see the principal.

-And we won't be gone long.
-Okay, Mr. Brady.

Principal?

-[door closes]
-Which principal?!

Elementary school?
Junior high? Senior high?

I wonder which kid has done
what to who and where.

"'My Hero,' by Robert Brady.

My hero is a very famous man,

just like Robin Hood
and the Three Musketeers.

He was a great American

and his name is...

Jesse James."

-Jesse James?
-The outlaw?

It disturbs me

when impressionable children
like Bobby

read books and see movies that
glorify men like Jesse James,

turn them into folk heroes.

Jesse James was a cruel
and vicious killer.

I'm really
surprised at Bobby.

[Mr. Hillary]
Well, don't be, Mrs. Brady.

Look what's happening today.

The press write stories
about gangsters and skyjackers.

They make them seem
very glamorous

in the eyes of the children.

Today's criminals
will probably

be tomorrow's
folk heroes.

Well, we'll
certainly discuss this

with Bobby, Mr. Hillary.

Good. Oh, Bobby's teacher
might never have brought

this composition
to my attention

if it hadn't been for this.

[sighs]

He knows better than
to bring a cap gun to school.

Well, at recess,
he was playing Jesse James,

pretending to hold up
the other kids.

Well, it wasn't the first time,
so I thought

this was an area where
the parents and the school

ought to get together.

We really appreciate
it, Mr. Hillary.

[Mike] Well, we'll certainly
have a talk with him.

Though I'm sure
he doesn't intend

to make a profession
out of being an outlaw.

One wrong move from
anybody on this train,

and you get it!

[suspenseful music]

Please don't shoot me,
Mr. James.

Just give me your money,
lady.

There, that's all I have.

Thank you, ma'am.

Okay. Now...

Everybody stay in your seat
till I jump off.

Whoa, easy boy.

Stay. Oh...

Hah!

You're supposed to be
on the train!

No, I'm not. Now I'm the posse
hunting you down.

You'll never get me.

Nobody gets Jesse James!

Hah!

Come on, boy!

[Bobby] Hah! Hah!

Jesse James,
you're under arrest.

No way. You can't
arrest me here.

Why not?

I just crossed the
Rio Grande River.

This is Mexico.

Well, vamoose,
you caballeros,

because all of Mexico's
gonna get mopped up.

But I have to arrest him first.

Forget it, Deputy.

Even a U.S. Marshal
can't arrest you

once you get into Mexico.

Is that true, Alice?

As el presidente of Mexico

I give you permission
to take this hombre prisoner.

You can't. You have
to have extradition papers.

[Mike] I've got some.

And I am extraditing you
into my den right now.

Move it, Jesse.

What's the matter?

I got a C-plus.

That's not too bad.

Bob, it isn't the grade.

What we're interested in is

how you happened
to write it.

I had to.
It was an assignment.

Bobby, what we mean is,

why did you choose Jesse James
for your hero?

Well... I guess
'cause he's famous.

Bobby, he was famous
because he robbed and killed

a whole lot of innocent people.

Bobby, did you know
that almost everything

Jesse James did
was against the law?

My pal Jimmy wrote
about Robin Hood.

Robin Hood was against the law.

Nobody got mad at Jimmy.

Aw, honey,
we're not getting mad at you.

We're just interested
in knowing

why you chose to write
about Jesse James, that's all.

Listen, right now he may seem

like a... a very colorful
Western character to you,

but in actual fact,
he was just a criminal.

Now, that may be easier
for you to understand

when you get
a little older.

Yeah, I guess you're right.

I'll probably just
grow out of it.

Give that about
five more minutes, Mrs. Brady.

Good, Alice.
Girls, don't forget
the salad forks.

-Okay, Mom.
-We won't.

-Ladies? Can I have your
attention for a minute?
-Sure.

Well, I almost finished my
speech for the convention.

-Great.
-I--I wanted to kind of
start out with a joke

'cause I wanted to do
something to get
their attention so

-Can I try it out on you?
-Yes, we'd love to hear it.

Uh, so I come in and I say,

"Mr. Chairman,

ladies and gentlemen,

fellow architects,

honored guests.

Before I launch into
my subject for this evening,

I would like to make a very
important announcement

about our progress
in city planning.

I hear we had just torn down
a freeway

to make room for a slum."
[laughs]

That's the joke!

[laughs]

Well, to architects,
it might be funny.

Oh, sure, honey.

It's just that none of us
are architects.

[Mike] And keep us ever mindful
of Thy bountiful blessings.

Amen.

[all] Amen.

[cap pistol fires]

[Mike] Bobby.

I didn't mean to
pull the trigger.

We have told you before,

no toys at the table,
and especially cap guns.

I'm sorry, Dad.

I won't play with it again.

Yeah, well, just to make sure.

You and that
dumb Jesse James.

What about Jesse James?

Bobby wrote an English
composition about him.

He's his hero.

I had to write
about a hero once.

Mine got an A.

Who'd you write it on?

Joan of Arc.

She saw visions,
and she won battles.

And later
she was made a saint.

She was a great woman.

That's okay for you.

You've got a lot
better chance

of being a woman
than I have.

Personally, I like
George Washington.

Now, there's a hero.

Fat chance I got

of being
Father of My Country.

Bobby, there are lots
of great heroes

who are around right now.

Take Wilt Chamberlain,
for instance.

Yeah, now, there's a great guy
for you to follow.

Yeah, some chance I've got
of being seven foot two.

And Black.

-[all laugh]
-Bobby.

Just eat your pizza.

"Mr. Chairman, fellow
architects, honored guests..."

Dad, Mom, could
I ask a favor?

What?

Well, could I stay up

just a little bit after
my bedtime tonight?

What for?

You see, there's this
really neat movie

on television,
and I've never seen it.

Is it okay?

What's the picture?

Well... it's called...

You see...

What's it called?

Jesse James
on the Vengeance Trail.

Jesse James?!

Bobby, what have we
been talking about?

We have had enough
Jesse James around here,

and that's it.

But, Dad...

Bobby, you heard your father--
that's it.

Oh, okay.

Close the door.

Honey, Jesse James
must've killed

45 people in that picture.

That was before the credits.

Imagine Bobby watching
a picture like that.

Yeah, imagine.

Thanks for letting
me watch the show.

This is one movie
about Jesse James

we thought it'd be
a good idea for you to see.

I think this is the scene
where he robs the bank.

Yeah. He shoots all
the customers in the back.

[horses neighing]

Wow! Jesse didn't even
use a gun.

They skipped
the whole incident.

They edited it out.

They skipped another scene
where they killed everybody.

Mike, I forgot
what happens here.

Well, I'm not sure
I remember,

but I think this is where
he shoots the prospector
in the back,

then he rides off with
the daughter as a... hostage.

Yeah.

Boy, isn't Jesse nice
to give that girl a ride?

[sighs]

The network took out
all the violence

just when we were trying
to prove a point.

Jesse James will be
even more of a hero
to him now.

You know, maybe Bobby had
the answer to this himself.

What do you mean?

Well, when he said he'd
probably grow out of it.

Yeah, maybe
you've got a point.

Let's just wait
and see what happens.

Wow! Look at Jesse ride!

Carol?

Carol?

--Ca... oh.
I'm right here, honey.

I'm sorry. Honey,
look, it's my speech.

I put it right
here last night.
Now it's not here.

Well, don't get too upset.
We'll find it. It's got to be
here someplace.

I've been all
over this house.

I'm around here
for the second time.

Mom, Dad, I've come here

to discuss
a very delicate matter.

What?
My allowance-- you forgot.

-I did?
-Yeah.

Listen, I will give you
an extra dollar

if you find the speech
I lost-- it's on paper
just like this.

-Hey, great.
-No, no, no,
we'll look here.

-You go look around the house.
-Yeah, go pass the word along

to the rest of the kids.

-Do I have to?
-Yes!

Okay.

-What?
-My allowance.

Thanks.

[sighs]

What are you doing?

Looking for something.

-Can I look, too?
-Sure.

-Can I ask you something?
-What?

What am I looking for?

Dad's speech.
There's a reward out
for whoever finds it.

-One dollar.
-Wow.

All right. All you women
to the rear of the bank.

-Bobby, would you
leave us alone?
-Just get lost.

Nobody tells Jesse James
to get lost.

Well, we're telling you
get lost!

All right.

I'll just rob me
a different bank.

Dad could have stuck his speech
in his pocket and forgot it.

For a dollar,
it's worth a look.

-It's not in this one.
-Not in that one, either.

Okay, stick 'em up,
both of you.

Now that you've got
the bank vault open,
just empty it out.

Will you beat it?

You're talking
to Jesse James, partner.

Knock it off.

Into the bank vault,
both you varmints.

I got a better idea--

you get in the bank vault,
Jesse.

No! No!

Greg, stop!
Let me out!

Leave him in there
for two hours.

Boys...

[Bobby] Let me out!

[Mike]
Boys, what's going on?

The great Jesse James
just got captured.

Okay, joke's over.
Come on, split.

[Bobby] Let me out!
Let me out!

Let me--

Now, I want this to stop.

Am I coming through
loud and clear?

-But, Dad, they...
-No buts!

No more Jesse James, Bob.
Now, that's an order!

Yes, sir.

Mr. Chairman,
fellow architects
and Mike Brady.

-Yes?
-It gives me
great pleasure

to tell you that
I found your speech.

Oh! Great, honey!

Where'd you find it?

It was in a very
strange place.

-Where?
-Your briefcase.

My brie...

I put it in my briefcase
when I was doing research

at the library the other day.

Oh, how dumb.

Aw, sweetheart,
you are a lifesaver.

Mmm.

Is that all I get?

What'd you expect?

A dollar.

I'd like to check
these books in, please.

Certainly. I hope
they were helpful.

-Yes, they were.
-I finished my research.
Good.

We're just delighted
when our library can be useful.

Yeah. Uh, I was interested

in finding some books
on Jesse James.

Jesse James?

Yes, but I didn't want novels.

I'd rather have factual
accounts of his life.

Mm-hmm. As a matter of fact,

we have several good books
on his life right over there.

Honey, can't we put the light
out in the old bunkhouse?

The cattle drive starts
early in the morning.

-Mm-hmm.
-[sighs]

Honey, this cowhand
needs a little shut-eye.

You know, this is
a very interesting book.

It was written by a fellow

whose father was
killed by Jesse James,

and it's got a whole bunch
of eyewitness accounts

of the killings in here.

Hm, maybe Bobby
ought to read it.

Yeah. I got a better idea.

On the flyleaf,
in the biography of the author,

it says when this
book was written, at any rate,

he lived in Sundale.

That's not far
from here, is it?

Right.

[doorbell rings]

-Mr. Collins.
-Yes, sir, that's me.

How do you do?
I'm Mike Brady. Come in.

Thanks for coming.

Oh, I'm glad to know
someone read my book.

I thought I was
the only one who bought a copy.

No, it was a very
interesting book.

I thoroughly enjoyed
reading it.

I think you're gonna be

able to help us
with our son Bob.

I've been thinking
over what you told
me on the phone.

I feel sure I can
straighten out that
boy of yours.

Good. Oh, honey, I'd like you
to meet Mr. Collins.

-Mr. Collins,
this is Mrs. Brady.
Pleasure to meet you.

Aw, pleasure to meet you,
Mr. Collins.

If you'll excuse me,
I'll get Bob.

Please sit down.

Would you like
some coffee?

Coffee, no.

I still like mine cooked
over an open fire

and boiled till
it's miserable.

Mr. Collins,
this is our son Bob.

Bob, this is Mr. Collins.

-Hi.
-Oh, hello, son.

I think you're gonna find
this gentleman

very interesting.

Did you know his father
actually knew Jesse James?

He did?

Wow, am I glad
to meet you!

I hear Jesse's
a hero of yours.

I wrote a whole composition
about him for school.

I wrote a whole book
about Jesse James--

only he wasn't
a hero to me.

He wasn't?

Nope.

Jesse James killed my father.

He did?

Shot him in the back.

That's how
he usually shot them.

Too cowardly
to face them, I guess.

I can't believe
that, Mr. Collins.

He's telling you
the truth, Bobby.

Son, you know the legends;
I know the facts.

Mr. Collins,
why don't you tell Bob

about how it was
with your father?

Well, I was just
a little boy at the time.

My father was riding
a train to California.

Jesse James held it up.

Did they have a shoot-out?

Well, it wasn't much
of a shoot-out.

My father
with his face to the wall,

his hands in the air
and not wearing a gun.

Then why did Jesse James
shoot him?

Because that's the kind of man
Jesse James was--

a mean, dirty killer.

My mother used to cry
about it in her sleep.

When I was old enough
to understand,

I used to have nightmares
about it myself--

awful nightmares--
about that train robbery.

[Collins]
Because that's the kind
of a man Jesse James was--

[echoing]
A mean, dirty killer...
a mean, dirty killer...

a mean, dirty killer.

[train whistle blowing]

-Isn't it great to be
going to California?
-Yeah!

I hear California's
really beautiful.

It sounds wonderful.

Yeah, how long before
we get there?

Oh, not long, son.
With these new trains,
it only takes

18 days to get to California.

And that's all the way
from Arizona!

[train whistle blowing]

Hands up!
Don't anybody move.

It's the world-famous
Jesse James.

( screaming )

[Bobby] Jesse James!

I never thought
I'd get to meet you!

I said hands up!

Now, everybody throw your purses
and wallets in the aisle.

Be calm, everybody.

Do as he says,
and nobody gets shot.

Aw, Dad, he wouldn't
shoot anybody.

Jesse James is
a real great guy.

He's my hero.

I even wrote a composition
about you

and how you were
such a great hero.

Sorry it only got
a C-plus.

All right,
now, everybody,

face the window--
your backs to me.

What do you want them
to do that for, Jesse?

Why, so I can shoot
'em, of course.

[girls screaming]

But... but this
is my family.

-That's my dad!
Bang!

-No! You shot my dad!
-Bang! Bang!

[screaming]

Stop! That's my family!
You can't do that!

No, please, stop, Jesse!

Jesse, stop!

[Jesse laughs]
Bang! Bang!

Jesse, no!
Don't shoot! Please, stop!

Jesse, no, no!

Bobby? Bobby,
what's the matter?

You must have been having
a bad dream.

It was awful.

Tell us about it.

[sighs]

It was the worst dream
in the whole world.

Well, I think I'm as ready

as I'll ever be
with this speech.

[knocking at door]

[Mike] Come in.

I'm turning in my guns.

I don't ever want to see
another gun again.

Good man.
I'm glad to hear it.

You were right
about Jesse James.

He was a real bad guy.

That talk with Mr. Collins
really got through to you, huh?

Did it ever.

Well, you just
have to be careful

who you pick for a hero, hmm?

Yeah.

Next time, whoever he is,
he's gonna be a real good guy.

[chuckles]

Good luck
on the speech, honey.

I just know it'll be
a big hit.

Oh, I hope so.
I just wish I had

a good joke to
start it off with.

Hey, listen, I remember
a joke that might fit.

-Honey, it's got to be
about architects.
Yeah, it is.

It's about this architect
who designed a building

that had no doors
in it at all.

No doors?
How do you get in?

Well, you just keep
running around it

and running around it
until you're all in.

Get it?

Good-bye, honey.

Hey, wait a minute,
you forgot to kiss me.

That's right.

-Bye, honey.
-Good-bye.

Good luck.