Original subtitles

♪ Here's the story ♪

♪ Of a lovely lady ♪

♪ Who was bringing up ♪

♪ Three very lovely girls ♪

♪ All of them had hair of gold ♪

♪ Like their mother ♪

♪ The youngest one in curls ♪

♪ It's the story of a man named Brady ♪

♪ Who was busy with three boys of his own ♪

♪ They were four men living all together ♪

♪ Yet they were all alone ♪

♪ Till the one day when the lady met this fellow ♪

♪ And they knew that it was much more than a hunch ♪

♪ That this group must somehow form a family ♪

♪ That's the way we all became the Brady Bunch ♪

♪ The Brady Bunch ♪

♪ The Brady Bunch ♪

♪ That's the way we became the Brady Bunch. ♪

Captioning sponsored by PARAMOUNT TELEVISION

Hey, Steve.

Listen, you guys, I...

Hi.

Come on, you guys, it isn't my fault.

( sighs )

Hi.

I'll walk home with you.

( sighs )

Bobby!

Hi, Cindy.

What's wrong?

What's wrong?

Everything's wrong.

What do you mean?

My whole class hates me.

( car horn honks )

Hi, Dad.

Hi.

You didn't say anything about getting a boat.

I didn't know I was going to.

Honey, where'd you get that?

I delivered my plans

for the marine addition to Joe Houston.

He was about to commit this thing to the junkyard.

I thought we can fix it up.

Far out.

It doesn't look very seaworthy.

As a matter of fact

it doesn't even look very bathtub-worthy.

Wow, a boat!

Is it ours?

Well, I'm afraid so, sweetie.

When do we go sailing?

As soon as we're sure we're not going to go sinking.

GREG: Hey, look what we got, Bobby!

Where are you going?

Up to my room.

Gee, that's not like Bobby.

I thought he'd be more excited than anyone.

I think Bobby has a problem.

A problem? Did something happen at school today?

It must have.

Bobby says his whole class hates him.

I hate you, too.

Mind if we come in?

My goodness, Bobby

you look like the world has come to an end.

That would be good.

What? Bad as all that?

Want to talk about it?

There's nothing you can do.

There's nothing anybody can do.

Well, let's see.

Come on, you tell us about it.

( sighs )

So?

Don't you know what it is?

Sure. It's an armband.

School "safety monitor."

Safety monitor?

S.M. Should stand for "snitch monitor."

Aah, what's that supposed to mean?

It means I have to fink on all my friends.

That's not finking, Bobby.

If the kids at school break a rule

it's the safety monitor's job to report them.

Some job.

When the teacher asked for a volunteer

not one kid in the class raised his hand-- not one kid.

So she made me the safety...

the class cop.

Did you ever stop to think

she might have picked you because she thought

you were responsible enough to do a good job?

What do you mean?

Well, take police, for instance.

You know, it isn't part of their job

to like arresting people.

They share a responsibility to enforce the rules.

And rules are very important, Bobby.

They're made to protect people.

Never thought of it that way.

And you'll be a great safety monitor, Bobby

if you try.

You think so?

Why, we'd bet on it.

What are you doing?

Studying the rules.

If I'm going to be a safety monitor I'm going the best one the school has ever had

Well it's past your bedtime so just a few more minutes okay

Okay.

Oh wow!

What's the matter?

I didn't know chewing gum was against the rules.

I've been illegal all term.

Hey!

Ya?

Your chewing gum!

So.

Regulation 16A says your not allowed to chew gum in classrooms or ha

This is my post. No gum.

Who's chewing gum?

Hey wait! You're trying to swallow the evidence.

I just did!

Wont do any good.

Cluck Cluck

I'm not chicken I'm just doing my job

How do you spell your name? Last name first

Every time we try to go someplace she always gets car sick

What's your name?

Why?

You just littered.

I tried to get it in the waste can

That's what they all say.

Name please. Last name first.

BOY: Come on, give it to me!

Come on, give it to me!

Okay, you three hold it.

Right there. Hold it.

There is to be no disorderly conduct in the halls

especially at my post.

We were only trying to help him carry his books.

That's your story.

I know, last name first.

Boy, this is what I've always wanted-- a boat.

Ha-ha. Me, too.

Give me a boat and a moonlit night

and I'm all set.

Haven't you forgot something?

What?

The girl.

Oh, she's there, little brother.

She's there.

MIKE: Ahoy, there!

Hi. Oh, hi.

Okay, kids, if we're going sailing

we have to learn a little something about it.

With a boat this size

there really isn't much to learn.

If you want to do it safely

there's a lot more than you think.

For instance, who knows

which side is port and which starboard?

The left side is port.

Right. Yeah.

I know which side is starboard.

The right one.

Yes, that's right.

Well, I couldn't miss.

Okay, now, when two boats meet

who has the right of way?

The biggest boat.

No. The boat on the right--

the same as the rules of the road.

Yeah, but what if they're coming

straight at each other?

Then we're back to the biggest boat.

What are we doing?

Well, we're learning a little bit about sailing.

Can I learn, too?

Why, sure.

Where's Bobby?

He's still busy at school.

What's he doing?

He stopped seven kids

from running down the stairs

and he was still trying to get their names when I left.

Well, he's really serious

about being the long arm of the law.

( girls laughing )

Hey, wait!

Stop!

You're running in the halls.

It's okay-- it's my brother. Come on.

Cindy!

What are you doing?

What does it look like I'm doing?

I know her name. What's yours?

Last name first.

Bobby, you can't turn me in!

I'm your own sister!

Watch it.

I can also cite you for arguing with a safety monitor.

Neatness counts.

Thanks Alice.

Here!

What's the cheese for?

For you! All rats eat cheese!

What was that all about?

She's just sore because,

I was doing my duty.

I had to turn her name in cuz she was running in the hall.

That's why she had to stay after school becasue you reported her?

Ya. She was running in the hall.

When you break a rule you have to get punished.

Ill keep it down to a slow walk in the kitchen.

And he wrote down the names, even mine.

But that's his job, sweetheart.

Yes, but I'm his very own sister.

That doesn't give you any special privileges.

The same rules apply to you

that apply to everyone else.

I don't see why they should.

Let me see.

I'll try to explain it to you this way.

Let's say that Bobby was a policeman

and, uh, I drove through a red light--

accidentally, of course--

well, I would expect him to give me a ticket.

Your own son?!

Absolutely.

Boy, if I ever had a son who was a policeman

and he gave me a ticket

I'd give him a spanking.

( stamping feet )

I guess she was complaining about me.

You guessed right.

I guess you took her side.

You guessed wrong.

You didn't?

Yeah. Well, Cindy didn't like it

but you were just doing your duty, honey.

I'm glad you understand, Mom.

Oh, I do. I do.

Listen, being in a position of authority isn't easy.

Right.

Thanks, Mom.

It's kind of tough being a lawman.

It's a big responsibility.

Oh, I know, officer.

I wonder if he really would give me a ticket.

( knocking )

Come in.

Jan, I got to talk to you about something.

Well, can't it wait?

I'm awful busy.

I just saw Alice setting the table.

So?

It's your turn to set the table tonight.

What business is that of yours?

Mom and Dad told us not to go pushing off our chores on Alice.

Well, look, Bobby, I have...

You're breaking a rule.

People can't just go around breaking rules.

Bobby, you're a safety at school, not at home.

A rule is a rule.

At school or at home.

You're going to be on my report.

What report?

I'm turning in a report to Mom and Dad

at the end of the week.

Well, I've got a very good reason

for not setting the table.

And I've got a very good reason for reporting you.

You broke a rule.

See you later.

( door opens )

You were supposed to be in by 11:30.

Sorry I woke you up, Bobby.

You're 25 minutes late.

Go back to sleep.

I'll have to tell Mom and Dad.

Huh?

You're going to be on my report

at the end of the week.

What report?

You broke a rule.

You came in late.

Listen, I have a very good reason for being late.

That's what they all say.

How could they cram ten feet of nerve into four feet of kid?

You know, I thought everybody would love

the way that Jan and I painted the boat.

Boats are supposed to be one color.

You want to scare the fish to death?

Okay, so we goofed.

You're lucky you're not on Bobby's report.

Yeah. Do you believe that report?

I have to. I'm on it.

So am I. The little stinker.

What are you on it for?

I'm not supposed to borrow

any of Mom's things unless I ask

and Bobby saw me borrowing a bracelet.

You know, I think being a school safety

has gone right to his fat little head.

I'd like to give him a good kick

right in his fat little... other end.

Two eggs check, two cups cream check.

Beat at high speeds for 30 seconds.

Alice, I just went by the trash cans.

You've got some spray bottles and cans in with other things.

So?

They're supposed to be kept separate.

Sorry, but I'm going to have to put you on my report.

Report??

Boy, does that look neat!

Who's going to be the captain?

Your father, of course!

Ta-dum!

What am I going to be?

Probably seasick.

( laughter )

Hey, when can we go sailing, Dad?

If we get the sail I ordered

we can put it in the water on the weekend.

Good! Oh, good!

That's really great, Dad.

Hey, where are you going all dressed up?

All us safeties have to go to school

and get our picture taken.

Be careful and don't get your good clothes dirty.

I won't. See you later.

Okay, honey. Bye.

Dad, does he have to go with us when we launch the boat?

Well, now, that's a silly question.

Of course he does.

Well... if he's going to go,

I don't really think I want to.

That goes double for me.

Make that triple.

Hey, wait a minute.

Come back here. What is this?

We haven't even launched the boat yet

and we've got a mutiny?

What's going on here?

( all talking at once )

See you guys later.

GIRL: Oh, Bobby! Bobby!

Oh, am I glad to see you.

Hi, Jill.

You've got to help me.

My cat's stuck. Your cat?

Around the corner.

It's stuck in that old house.

They're going to tear it down.

I can't get in. It's all boarded up.

We can't go in that old house.

There's a sign in front that says "no trespassing."

Please, you've got to get Pandora out for me!

( sighs )

Gee, Jill, I'd like to help,

but... it says "keep out."

A rule's a rule.

What if Pandora's hurt?

You've got to help me.

Please, you've got to get Pandora out for me!

Well... I know I'm not supposed to do this...

Here, Pandora.

Come here, Pandora.

( meowing )

Pandora?

( meowing continues )

Are you up there?

( yowling )

( coughing )

( meowing )

( coughs )

( meows )

Thanks, Bobby.

( coughing )

Boy... Mom and Dad are going to kill me.

Mom?

Dad?

Wow!

What luck!

I've still got a whole hour.

What?!

Oh, no!

...we went to our sale.

Yeah, here. Let me help, Alice.

Okay.

If there's one thing I hate,

it's a last-day, half-price bargain sale.

Oh, me, too.

All that pushing and shoving and grabbing.

I hope I didn't hurt anybody.

I have told those kids not to leave the door open.

What on earth...?

CAROL: Where are all those suds coming from?

The washing machine must be on.

Did you leave it on automatic?

I wasn't even using it today.

My goodness...

Oh, Alice!

The washing machine's gone crazy!

BOBBY: Help! Mom!

Mrs. Brady, the suds are calling you.

Bobby?

BOBBY: Yeah, it's me!

Where... oh, Bobby...

Here he is. Where are you?

Here he is. Wait.

Oh, what in the world happened?

Are you all right?

I think so.

What were you doing?

Washing my clothes.

You're supposed to take your clothes off

before you wash them.

Bobby... oh... Oh, honey...

Sorry.

Yeah, you should be.

And when there wasn't anybody home

I figured I could wash my good clothes

and you'd never find out.

( sighs )

Well, what do you think?

It calls for a punishment, doesn't it?

I broke a rule-- I have to get punished.

Well, not necessarily, Bobby.

What do you mean?

Well, you did break a rule,

but you saved a little girl's cat

and that's a good reason for breaking a rule.

MIKE: Bob, we always

have to have rules and laws,

but we always have to use them with reason and justice.

You mean you're not going to punish me?

Not for this.

Oh, wow! Thanks!

Wait a minute.

We're not through yet.

What else is there?

I want to talk to you

about that report you're making out for us.

What about it?

Other people have reasons

for breaking rules, too.

Do you know why Greg was late getting home that night?

No.

Because his date forgot her house key.

Her parents weren't home

and he didn't want her waiting around alone at night.

Gee, I guess that is a good reason for breaking a rule.

But Greg never told me.

He says he tried to, but you wouldn't listen.

And you know the reason why Jan didn't set the table that night?

No.

Because she had to read a book

for a test the next morning.

MIKE: And one more thing.

Being an authority at school

does not give you that same authority at home.

You understand?

Yes, sir.

From what we've heard,

you have become the most unwelcome young man

at Clinton Avenue Elementary School.

Let alone at home.

I guess I was a real stinker, huh?

Yeah, I guess the name "stinker" fits pretty well.

Maybe I should apologize to them, huh?

I think that would be a very good idea.

Well, I hope you've learned something from all this.

Boy, I sure have.

First, even if you have authority,

you've got to listen to people

and second, you've got to use good justice and reason

like you said.

Good. Anything else?

Oh, yeah, the most important thing of all.

What's that?

Never use a whole box of soap in the washing machine.

You can say that again.

( laughing )

We've got to loosen the mast

and lash the boat to the top of the car

and then put her in the water.

Hey, where's Bobby?

I thought he was here. He...

Where'd you get those?

JAN: That's tighter than your skin.

Mom said to wear something

that it wouldn't matter if it got dirty.

Aren't those his good pants?

Those were his good pants.

Listen, Bobby, next time, before you wash something,

will you check the label where it says "dry clean only"?

MIKE: Come on, everybody.

We've got to take the mast down first.

Everybody get in position.

Right. Loosen the line there and...

ready-- one, two, three, heave.

( pants ripping )

Uh-oh.

Excuse me. Uh...

I'll be back in just a minute.

What's the matter with Bobby?

I think he got a split amidships.

( laughter )

Yeah, and I'll bet he's got a draft... aft.