Original subtitles

♪ Here's the story ♪

♪ Of a lovely lady ♪

♪ Who was bringing up ♪

♪ Three very lovely girls ♪

♪ All of them had hair of gold ♪

♪ Like their mother ♪

♪ The youngest one in curls ♪

♪ It's the story of a man named Brady ♪

♪ Who was busy with three boys of his own ♪

♪ They were four men living all together ♪

♪ Yet they were all alone ♪

♪ Till the one day when the lady met this fellow ♪

♪ And they knew that it was much more than a hunch ♪

♪ That this group must somehow form a family ♪

♪ That's the way we all became the Brady Bunch ♪

♪ The Brady Bunch ♪

♪ The Brady Bunch ♪

♪ That's the way we became the Brady Bunch. ♪

Captioning sponsored by PARAMOUNT TELEVISION

Greg, are you busy?

Just homework.

Mm, want to help me with mine?

Geometry.

Ah.

You know, I really can't see

what good this is going to do me later in life.

Geometry sharpens the mind...

makes you think.

Huh, makes me think I'm stupid.

Let's see where you went wrong here, dumbhead.

Hey, you got an "A" on this:

"The Importance of Choosing a Career."

It's just an English composition.

Hi, kids.

Hi, Dad.

Hi.

What was that

about choosing a career, son?

Oh, it's just something I wrote

for our English class.

"Skyscrapers are more than the concrete blocks

"and the steel girders.

"Homes are more than the wood and the bricks

"of which they are made.

"Modern buildings begin with the architect's dream.

"My father is an architect

"and I'd like to become one, too

and share in that dream."

Come on, Marcia.

No, wait a minute. I'd like to hear this.

"Architecture is an exciting career

that grows with the imagination of the architect."

Marcia.

I never knew

you really wanted to be an architect.

I thought it was just a summer job

when you worked at the office last vacation.

As a matter of fact...

Mr. Phillips would give you

a job this summer.

He would?

Would you like that?

The idea is nice...

Good, good. Consider it done.

Wow, you made Dad a happy man.

Yeah, isn't it awful?

Awful?

How is he going to feel

when he hears the truth?

What do you mean, the truth?

Marcia, the only reason I wrote that stuff is

because I couldn't think of anything else.

Now, I don't know what I want to be...

but me? An architect?

Mmm... boy, honey, this coffee is great.

Boy, are you in a good mood tonight.

Yeah.

The lamb chops were great.

The salad was great.

The rolls were great.

How come you didn't say

the salt and pepper was great?

Oh! I forgot.

The salt and pepper was great.

It may be corny, but I'm so proud

Greg wants to follow in my footsteps.

Well, listen, Mike

I'm just as proud as you are.

Mom, Dad, can we talk to you?

Yeah, sure, kids.

Well, it all started

with Greg and his career.

Boy, that was the big topic

at dinner tonight.

It started us thinking about our careers.

After all, I'm only two years younger than Greg.

You want to be an architect?

No, sir! Suppose I was better than you are;

I'd put you out of business.

That's what I call real self-sacrifice.

Well, have you decided on anything?

I'll give you a hint.

Yeah?

"Dr. Brady wanted in surgery.

Dr. Brady, report to surgery."

Well, I'll take a wild guess-- a doctor.

Right.

And I want to be a nurse.

A doctor and a nurse.

I think that's great.

And we're going to cure

all kinds of terrific diseases.

Boy, I feel sorry for the germs already.

Let's get my chemistry set

and start some experiments.

Yeah! See you later.

Not like last time!

I don't want some strange, hairy things

growing in the refrigerator!

Greg, did you tell Dad last night?

Uh-uh, I didn't have the heart.

He's so happy about it, I couldn't say anything.

You've got to let him know.

I know, but I've got

a better way than telling him:

I'll show it to him.

What do you mean?

Take a look at this.

No, it was right the other way.

It was?

It's not finished yet

but what do you think?

Well, first, tell me what it is.

That's a modern house.

Is that the driveway?

That is the moat.

( laughs ): A moat?!

That's weird, really weird.

Great, that's what it's supposed to be.

New Greg Brady style is supposed to be weird, really weird.

I'd say it shows a fantastic lack of talent.

Then that ought to do it.

When Dad sees that, he's got to say

I don't belong in the architect business.

At least then I don't have o disappoint him.

That's a terrific idea.

A moat.

Busy dad?

No son come on in.

I made this drawing.

I thought maybe you can tell me what you think.

Ya I'll be glad to, here let's take a look.

What do you think?

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

Well, I'm thinking several things here.

Is it...

any good?

Well, I don't think when you first start out

it's really a question of good or bad.

Isn't that a great house?

A house?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

( laughs )

This looks almost like a moat.

It is.

I was trying for something really different.

I think you've achieved that effect.

Bet you've never seen anything like it before.

No, never have.

Yeah, this is, uh... this is very interesting, yes.

You mean you like it?

Well, in any form of art we look for potential

and this shows some potential

and it shows an awful lot of hard work.

It does?

Yes, yes, you keep at it, and I'll hang on to this

and look it over a little more carefully here.

Okay... thanks, Dad.

( sighs )

Ugh, poor Greg.

MIKE: Yeah... well, you know

I couldn't tell him the truth.

He's so excited about being an architect.

Oh, but, Mike, do you think

it's right to encourage him?

Well, honey, you know, it's his first effort.

I don't want him to lose his confidence.

You know, maybe... maybe if he had the proper tools

if I gave him a drafting kit

and a book that would help him

with his perspective...

oh, boy, does he need perspective... whoo.

Hi, Alice.

Ooh, where'd you get all those books?

From the library.

They're medical books.

Every one of them has got

pages and pages of terrific diseases.

That sounds exciting.

A doctor's got to know

every disease in these books...

if he wants to make people well.

I'll tell you an easier way to make them well--

tell them how much it'll cost to be sick.

Listen to this one:

"Pericardial tamponade."

Pericardial tamponade?!

That sure sounds like a powerful disease.

It is.

When you get that, you have to be rushed to the hospital

and operated on within minutes.

Fantastic! Write that one down.

Hey, listen to this one--

( haltingly ): "Nasa... pray-hagitis, acute carrotahol."

Wow, I'd hate to get that.

What is it?

A cold with a runny nose.

That's the great thing about doctors--

they can make anything sound awful.

How's the research coming, Dr. Brady?

Fantastic!

So far we've got 14 fatal diseases

seven semifatal ones, and a whole page of things

that can put you in the hospital for at least a year.

That is a fun book.

Aah... ooh!

What's the matter?

Just the old crick.

Quick, look up "crick."

Where does it hurt?

Point to it.

If I pointed to it, I'd break my arm.

We've got to be exact, Alice.

It's where the neck bone connects to the backbone.

Nurse, diagram.

Here, doctor.

It's too high for your liver.

Well, maybe I got my liver in the wrong place.

What other symptoms do you have?

I'm a doctor, and I'll ask the questions.

What other symptoms do you have?

Well, now that you ask

sometimes I get this tremendous pull right there...

Write that one down.

And I get a pain right here and here.

You've got some swell symptoms.

Do you think it's fatal, doctor?

I'm not sure, Alice.

But you ought to look on the bright side.

Bright side?

Yeah, if it is fatal, you'll never get it again.

Aah!

Hey, Alice!

That's me.

We already have two architects

a doctor and a nurse in the family.

So we figured we better hurry up

and pick out a couple of careers for us, too.

Yeah, it'd be terrible

if we grew up and didn't do anything.

Yeah, the first thing you know

you'll be 12 years old

with no visible means of support.

I'm going to be a model.

They get to wear all those long dresses

with ostrich feathers and stuff.

I'm going to be an astronaut

probably first man on Mars.

Probably.

From now on, I'd better eat what they do--

all that powdered junk.

I'll start crushing food in the morning.

I think I'd better have

a special diet, too, Alice.

How come?

For modeling.

I have to worry about keeping my figure.

Don't you think you better wait until you've got one?

See that's how you do it.

It looks kind of silly.

It's supposed to teach you how to walk gracefully.

Now cmon you try it. Turn around.

Balance it. Stand up straight. Go!

Models must have flat heads.

Just keep practicing. Let's see if you can make it all the way thorough the kitchen.

That's the hardest room of all.

How come?

I have to pass that cookie jar.

Keep it balanced. Woops.

Marcia?

I've made up my mind.

I'm going to have to do something drastic.

Like what?

Tell him the truth.

I have to walk right up to Dad

and say, "Dad, I don't like it

"I'm no good at it

and I just don't want to be an architect."

Here's your chance.

Hi, kids.

Hi, Dad.

I better go help in the kitchen.

( clears throat )

Dad, there's something I want to tell you...

I wanted to talk to you, too.

About that drawing...

You've been working under a handicap.

You remember these?

It's my old drafting kit.

I had put it away as a keepsake

but they're yours now.

Mine?

The correct equipment

can make all the difference.

And I want you to use my den

whenever you feel like it.

You're well on your way

to being an architect.

How about that?

Yeah...

How about that?...

This is the first set I ever owned and they're yours now son.

You can use my den, my drafting table. How about that?

Ya. How about that?

Ya. How about that?

Mom said to give you these, but I'm not to disturb you

because you're you're drawing something very important.

Thanks Cindy.

I'm not disturbing you am I?

No you're not disturbing me.

Because mother told me not to disturb you.

It's okay.

Greg, can I ask you one more question without disturbing you?

What is it?

How come you haven't drawn anything?

Cindy I've got certain problems.

Well I guess I'd better go, I don't want to disturb you.

Well I guess I'd better go, I don't want to disturb you.

Hi Alice!

Bobby?

Ya hi!

Where are you?

In here?

In here where?

Here!

What are you doing in the dog house?

It's not a doghouse right now. It's an apollo 57 space capsule.

I'm getting myself into condition to be an astronaut.

You mean astro mutt?

Don't tell anyone else I'm in here.

I don't want to have any contact with earth people.

Right I'll remove myself after I finish haning up this earth laundry

I've got to get used to the loneliness of outer space.

Well don't spend so long in outer space that you forget we're going dinner at six sharp in inner space. Roger?

Roger!

If only Dad hadn't given me

these beautiful tools.

Now he's expecting me to draw something terrific.

Yeah.

If you don't come up with something now

he'll really be disappointed.

I'll say.

Hey, wait, maybe that's it.

What's it?

If after all this

I were to come up with something that's even weirder...

oh, he'd have to admit I'd starve as an architect.

Hey, right.

Think you can do worse than your last drawing?

If you think that was bad

wait till you see this.

( laughing )

Oh, no!

Peter, the stuff in the test tubes

hasn't turned green yet

so I think that maybe...

What's the matter?

Jan, I've got terrible news.

What do you mean?

I've got an awful disease.

I've got...

ana... anac...

oh, it's so terrible, I can't even pronounce it.

Are you sure you've got it?

Sure I'm sure.

Look at the symptoms:

Shortness of breath...

remember last week in school when I had to run the mile?

Remember how I couldn't stop panting?

I remember.

And this: sore finger joints.

And I thought it was from playing baseball

without a mitt on.

You mean, it isn't?

No, it's from this terrible thing I've got

that I can't even pronounce.

Well, now that I look at you

you are kind of pale.

Oh, that's the clincher.

"Facial discoloration--

a lack of color."

That's you, all right.

I'm cooked; I've got it.

Well, does it say

how much time you have left?

It says here about six months.

Well, isn't there anything you can take?

If I were rich, I could take

a tour around the world.

I better break the news to Mom and Dad.

No, it's my job.

I'll do it.

What will you say?

I don't know.

Maybe I'll tell them to look on the bright side.

After all, they'll still have five kids left.

Look at that.

Greg's still in there working away.

I know, he's been at it all afternoon.

I've never seen him so intense about anything.

Well, I guess it was those drafting tools I gave him.

Can't wait to see what he's drawn, huh?

Huh? Oh, I can wait.

Oh, sure you can.

Just like an expectant mother

in her tenth month.

( dejectedly ): Hi.

Hi.

Hi.

Something on your mind, Pete?

Me?

Nothing, Dad, not a thing.

Peter, are you sure you don't have

something on your mind?

No, I... yeah.

I mean, I feel just fine.

I've never felt better in my whole... short life.

Yeah, well, we didn't ask you

how you felt, Peter.

What do you mean, "short life"?

Oh... nothing.

Peter, are you sure you're all right?

You're not coming down with a cold, are you?

A cold. Ha.

All right, Peter, spill it.

You're trying to tell us something.

Well, actually, I-I want...

I wanted to ask you something.

Shoot.

Do you have to be 21

to write a will?

A will?!

A will?!

Why are you worried about a will?

Oh, I'm not worried.

It's just that, well...

for instance, that new skateboard I just got--

I just want to make sure

it doesn't end up in the wrong hands.

All right, Peter, what's this all about?

The truth, now.

It's all here.

Page 95...

the paragraph on the bottom.

Brace yourself.

Mom... Dad...

it's not going to be easy.

You mean this?

Anacardiaceae?

So that's how you pronounce it!

Yeah, what about it?

It's fatal, and I've got it.

What do you mean?

Read.

Hey, Peter, wait a minute.

You didn't read this very carefully.

There are two pages stuck together.

Huh?

You've gone from page 95 to page 98.

You got the symptom of one disease

and the diagnosis of another.

You mean, I haven't got the fatal one?

MIKE: Well, I doubt that very much.

Here, the fatal one...

"can only be contracted

"through the bite of the bandicoot

"or a hyena after having eaten

"the bark of certain trees

in India and South Africa."

Have you been to India or South Africa lately?

Gee, then what have I got?

Hmm, well, let's see.

"If you're suffering from anacardiaceae

that is the scientific name for poison ivy."

Poison ivy!

That's all it is.

You'll itch, but you'll live.

Thanks, I better go tell my nurse.

( knocking )

GREG: Can I come in?

Yeah, Greg, come on in.

Hi.

Well, here it is.

And Dad, those tools you gave me

really made the difference.

Let's take a look here.

Well...

Well...

GREG: Well?

Hmm, yeah.

You hate it.

No, no, no...

Not at all. No.

Not at all.

MIKE: Uh...

You think it's good?

Well, I think it shows tremendous effort.

"Tremendous effort."

He said it showed "tremendous effort."

I can't believe it!

Greg, you've got no choice.

No matter how much it hurts Dad

you've got to tell him.

He's hopeless

as an architect, isn't he?

Honey, let's face it.

What we have here is Frank Lloyd Wrong.

I think you ought to tell him the truth

no matter how much it hurts.

( knocking )

GREG: Can I come in again?

Sure, come on in, Greg.

( both talking at once )

Dad, let me say this.

I don't want to be an architect

no matter how much you'd like it.

I'm sorry, but that's the way it is.

You don't?

No.

Greg, just because I'm an architect

doesn't mean you have to be an architect.

I don't?

MIKE: No.

Your father and I want you to be

what you want to be.

Oh...

what a relief!

Yeah, it is.

Dad, I should have leveled with you in the first place.

I should have leveled with you, too, son.

The drawings you made were pretty...

Bad.

Gee, that's funny.

I don't think they were bad.

I think they're the worst things

I have ever seen in my life.

( door opens and closes )

Oh, good!

You didn't go shopping yet!

You want to add to the list?

We sure do!

Okay, shoot.

Marshmallows, doughnuts, pretzels...

caramel corn, peanuts, popcorn

some potato chips...

( whistling )

How do you expect to eat all that

and still be an astronaut and a model?

We're through with that.

We decided to have more sensible careers.

Oh? Like what?

I'm going to be a professional football player

so I have to be real heavy.

And you?

I'm going to be a lady wrestler.

Chocolate pudding...

Vanilla and strawberry ice cream...

Splendid!

Now, what would you like for dessert?