Original subtitles

♪ Here's the story ♪

♪ Of a lovely lady ♪

♪ Who was bringing up ♪

♪ Three very lovely girls ♪

♪ All of them had hair of gold ♪

♪ Like their mother ♪

♪ The youngest one in curls ♪

♪ It's the story of a man named Brady ♪

♪ Who was busy with three boys of his own ♪

♪ They were four men living all together ♪

♪ Yet they were all alone ♪

♪ Till the one day when the lady met this fellow ♪

♪ And they knew that it was much more than a hunch ♪

♪ That this group must somehow form a family ♪

♪ That's the way we all became the Brady Bunch ♪

♪ The Brady Bunch ♪

♪ The Brady Bunch ♪

♪ That's the way we became the Brady Bunch. ♪

Captioning sponsored by PARAMOUNT TELEVISION

Hi.

Hi.

What are you doing?

Tightening a clamp.

This is my new friend Kerry Hathaway.

She just moved to the neighborhood.

This is my brother Greg.

I'm pleased to meet you.

Likewise.

Come and meet everybody else.

Hi.

Kerry, I'd like you to meet

my mother and Cindy and Bobby.

Hi. Hi.

Hi, Kerry.

Welcome to the neighborhood.

Thanks, Mrs. Brady.

Would you girls like something to eat?

KERRY: I'm not hungry.

JAN: Me either.

We're going to go do homework.

CAROL: Good.

It was nice meeting you.

( whispers ): Wow!

See you later.

Okay, honey.

Bye.

Oh, Peter, this is

my new friend Kerry Hathaway.

This is my brother Peter.

Hi.

Pleased to meet me.

( quavers )

( both start giggling )

Jan, could I talk to you?

Sure, but make it quick.

I've got a lot of homework.

Marcia, could we have some privacy?

Hey!

Sounds pretty confidential.

It is.

Then, I wouldn't dream of leaving.

Come on, Peter, what is it?

Marcia, please?

Oh, come on, Pete.

I won't blab. I promise.

Well, I guess it's okay.

What it is is... is...

well, it's sort of about Kerry Hathaway.

Who's Kerry Hathaway?

She's my new classmate.

What about her, Peter?

Well, I was wondering if...

you know, if she'd like to go to a movie or something... with me?

How should I know?

Why not ask her?

What if she turns me down?

Why would she turn you down?

You're a nice guy.

Yeah, all the girls think you're cute.

They do?

MARCIA: Sure.

You've got a great personality.

You're lots of fun to be with.

That's right.

You're kind and considerate.

Yeah, that's true, too.

Well, go phone her.

Her number's in the book downstairs.

Okay, I will.

This is going to be the most

important phone call I ever

made my whole entire life.

(Giggles)

( phone rings )

Hello.

Kerry?

This is Kerry.

Hi, this is Pete.

Pete who?

Peter Brady.

You met me this afternoon.

I'm Jan's brother.

Oh, you must be

the cute little one with the freckles.

No, that's my brother Bobby.

Oh!

Then you're the groovy-looking guy who was fixing the car.

No, that's my brother Greg.

Then which one are you?

I'm the one who'd better say good-bye.

Good-bye.

( knocks lightly )

Hi, Dad.

Hey!

How come you're so dressed up?

Trying to get thrown out of school?

I'm trying to sort of, you know

impress a certain girl

and I was wondering...

Yeah, wondering what?

Dad, can I borrow some after-shave lotion?

Did you shave?

Do you have to shave

to use after-shave lotion?

( chuckles )

Come to think of it, no.

I got just the thing for you back here.

She's really something special

so I thought I'd better look special

and smell special, too.

Now, listen, Peter.

If you want to impress her

you use just a little of this.

How come just a little?

Well, like it says in the TV commercial

if you use a lot

you'll have to fight off women

with a whip and a chair.

Well, since I just met her

maybe I should start slow and build.

Yeah, that's good thinking.

Hey, that smells good.

Insurance.

Kerry.

Small world.

Hi.

Don't you recognize me?

I'm Jan's brother Pete.

Oh, I'm sorry.

You must have been the boy

who called last night.

Yeah.

I've met so many new kids in school

I can't keep them straight.

That's okay.

( sniffs )

( sniffs )

Oh... oh, yeah.

After-shave lotion.

You like it, huh?

Do you shave?

Oh, yeah, all the time.

My dad and I use the same brand.

Let me carry your books.

That's okay, I can...

( books thud )

Gee, I'm sorry.

Let me wipe them off.

Don't bother.

I insist.

Here, hold these.

I'll get them real clean.

( screams )

Wow.

Stop it!

Now look what you've done!

Can't I do anything right?

Hi, honey, I'm home!

Hi!

( giggles )

Gosh, hey, that's some special kiss.

Yeah, I'm glad you liked it.

Yeah, I did...

Uh-oh, you've got

something to tell me, don't you?

Yeah, guess where we're going Friday night.

Um, the new play.

You got tickets?

I've got tickets...

hey, great.

But not to the play.

I have tickets to that modern art show.

Oh, honey, come on!

Not another show

where soup cans crushed wins first prize.

Oh, Mike, I had to buy the tickets.

It's for charity.

Couldn't we stay home

and crush our own soup cans?

Oh, Mike, they'll be expecting us.

( moans )

Hi, Peter. Hi, Pete.

( dejectedly ): Hi.

Hey, what's the matter?

Didn't the shaving lotion work?

Oh, it smelled okay

but I sure stunk it up.

I can't even talk to her!

Now, wait a minute.

Don't get uptight about it, listen.

Do you know that when I was your age

I had the same problem with a girl.

You did?

Yes, I did-- Polly Ledbetter.

Polly Ledbetter!

That was her name.

When we got close, I got a knot in my tongue

I could have won a merit badge with.

What'd you do about it?

I just figured if I couldn't say what I wanted to

I could always write it.

So I wrote her a letter.

A letter, huh?

Uh-huh, that way you can take your time

and think about what you'll say.

That's a great idea!

Thanks, Dad.

Sure.

What are you doing?

Trying to write a letter

or start a paper drive?

It's a tough letter to write, Alice.

I don't want it to sound corny.

Well, want to try it out on me?

Okay.

"Dear Kerry..."

Yeah?

That's it.

That's where I get stuck.

Oh!

Oh, yeah, well...

that first line is always the toughest.

I just don't know what to say.

Why don't you try something poetic like

"how do I love thee?

Let me count the ways."

Great-- give it to me again, slow.

"How do I love thee?"

Jan. Hi.

What did she say?

Who?

Kerry Hathaway.

About what?

About me.

Peter, we've got a communication gap.

I wrote Kerry a letter

and I slipped it into her locker.

I want to know what she said about it.

Oh, was it a gooey love letter?

Yeah, did she mention it?

She mentioned it.

Well, what'd she say?

She said it was beautifully written.

Yeah?

Super poetic and fantastic.

What else did she say?

That the dumb-dumb who wrote it forgot to sign his name.

Oh, no!

How could I be so stupid?

You must practice a lot.

It's the perfect plan and you're the perfect guy.

No way, Pete. No way.

Where'd you get this weird idea?

From this copy of Cyrano de Bergerac.

Marcia put me on to it.

It's great.

It's about this guy with a big nose

and he's in love with this girl named Roxanne.

Peter, I know the story.

He's shy, see.

So he hides in some bushes

and has this other guy say to her...

I said I know the story.

All I'm asking you to do is

hide in the bushes like Cyrano did

and you feed me the right words.

When it comes to smooth talking the girls

everybody says you're the greatest.

Yeah? Everybody says that?

Everybody.

They call you "old silver tongue."

They do?

You're a legend in your own time.

How about that?

I really need help from an expert like you.

Well, okay, we'll try it.

If Cyrano could do it

so can "Old Silver Tongue."

( crickets chirping )

( whispers ): That's the one.

( whispers ): That's it?

Okay.

Hide back here.

You're sure I look okay?

Peter, you look fine.

My hair?

Does my hair look okay?

After 20 minutes with Mom's hairdryer

you couldn't look any better.

You're sure you thought up

some real poetic stuff?

My stuff is better than Cyrano's.

Remember your first line?

Yeah.

Well, here goes.

( pebble taps )

( Pebble taps )

( Pebble taps )

( Quavers )

Hello, lovely one.

Peter? Is that you?

Yeah, could I talk to you? It's important.

I guess so.

Come around to the front.

No, wait.

I...

I want to see you here

where your lovely hair outshines the moonbeams.

I want to see you here

where your lovely hair outshines the moonbeams.

Peter, are you feeling okay?

How could I feel otherwise

when I'm so close to your beauty?

How could I feel otherwise when I'm so close to your beauty?

I've never seen you act like this before.

I'm not acting.

It's true love

from the first time I saw you.

I'm not acting.

It's true love from the first time I saw you.

Peter, why are you standing all the way over there?

Why am I standing over here?

Distance lends enchantment.

Distance lends enchantment.

What in the world is going on out there?

Just take what i have to offer:

The rainbows, the sunlight, my life, the world!

Take my rainbows and sun life.

That's not what I said.

The sunlight, rain and...

For crying out loud, will ya listen?

She's gone!

I blew it again.

Peter, what's going on out here?

Uh... hello, lovely one.

Greg, what are you doing here?

Well, he just...

I can explain everything.

Yeah, he can explain.

No, you don't have to explain.

I understand everything now.

Oh, it's just like Cyrano!

Don't be shy, Greg.

You don't have to use Peter to speak for you.

Peter!

Honey, I forgot to show you this.

Oh yeah, what is it?

It's the brochure for the art show Friday night.

I thought you would like to see some of the

paintings that are going to be

exibited.

You sure those are paintings?

Looks more like a tabelcloth after a spaghetti festival.

Boy do I have a rat for a brother.

Wait a minute. What's the matter with you?

Greg just hijacked my girl.

What do you mean?

He was supposed to help me impress Kerry. Not himself.

She's flipped over him.

Where's Greg?

With Kerry. She was hanging all over him.

Well, what did you do about it?

I left. What should I do? Take pictures?

Thanks for splitting and leaving

me stuck with your girl.

Oh you really look like you were in pain.

Thanks for stealing Kerry.

I didn't steal her.

You just borrowed her without permission.

Hold it you two, wait a minute Greg what happened?

Dad the whole thing was a big mistake.

I tried to straighten it out

but Kerry wouldn't listen to a word I said.

I bet you did.

Look pal I can't help it...

Forget about it.

Good night mom, night dad.

Good night Greg.

Peter wait a minute.

You know a guy can't always get a girl to like him.

Maybe you ought to forget about this girl for now.

Honey, there are a lot of other fish in the sea.

I know.

But I got Moby Dick for a brother.

Good night mom, good night dad.

I would say I need two pounds of rice.

Two pounds of rice. Is that it Alice?

Except for some cake mix.

I thought I'd make Peter a nice gooey cake to help

glue back together his poor broken heart.

Alice, you're the dear Abby of the kitchen.

Hi mom, hi Alice.

Hi sweetheart.

How was school today?

It was better in the afternoon

then it was in the morning.

Oh why is that?

I get out in the afternoon.

Has anybody seen my blue sweater?

Not since I washed it.

Oh I know where it is.

Where?

Jan took it to Kerry Hathaway.

Kerry? What for?

For measurments.

Kerry is sending you a new one.

It's supposed to be a surprise.

Not anymore.

Say I almost forgot.

Kerry dropped by and left this for you.

Home made fudge.

This is really getting to bug me.

I got to do something about that girl.

If you don't like her anymore

can I have the fudge?

Neat, huh?

You're lucky you're young, Bobby.

I think it just needs new brushes.

Stay away from women, kid.

They'll break your heart every time.

What are you talking about?

You're too young to understand.

GREG: Peter... Pete...

I got a great idea for you.

If it's joining the Foreign Legion

I've already thought about it.

How would you like to get Kerry back?

Now, listen...

I don't trust you. You stole my girl.

I didn't steal your girl!

You did!

If you guys are starting that again

I'm getting out of here.

Pete, listen...

you got to trust me, please.

Well... okay.

But not around Kerry.

I won't go near her.

Jan will.

Jan?

Jan's going to tell Kerry

that nobody trusts me

that I'm a no-good, double-crossing, two-timing rat.

You mean she'll tell her the truth.

Yeah!

No... what I mean is

after Kerry's convinced that I'm a rat fink

Jan'll tell her what a great guy you are.

She will?

And Kerry will turn off of me and turn on to you.

Hey, yeah, that's a great idea.

You're a pretty nice brother

for a no-good, double-crossing, two-timing rat.

Hi, Jan.

Hi, Greg.

When does Pete take over?

How does never sound?

Never? What went wrong?

( dramatically ): Kerry's going to save you

from your horrible self.

She's going to change you.

Terrific.

Did you tell her everything?

Everything.

I don't understand it

unless she didn't believe me.

Hey, wait-- maybe that's the trouble.

Maybe she didn't believe you.

Maybe she has to be shown that I'm a rat fink.

But how you going to show her?

That's a good question.

And I think I've got a good answer.

Mom and Dad are going to the art show tonight, right?

So?

Could you get Peter out of the house?

I guess so. What are you going to do?

I'll explain later.

Now for the other woman.

What other woman?

Has Kerry ever met Marcia?

No. What other woman?

Great. I'll invite Kerry over tonight.

What other woman?!

When you put on this wig and some dark glasses

Kerry will never know who you are.

I'm not sure Kerry ever saw me.

We can't take any chances; it's too important to Peter.

Right. Okay. Exit Marcia Brady.

Enter the other woman.

( puts on romantic music )

( doorbell rings )

Hi, doll.

Hi. Thanks for inviting me over.

Well, I believe in spreading myself around.

Super outfit.

Oh, these are my working threads.

Know what I mean?

Where's everybody else?

Out.

We're all alone, kid.

Groovy?

Sit down.

Now, I'd like to get a few things straight.

The way I see it you're crazy about me

and you want to go steady, right?

Well...

well, I got a couple rules you got to dig.

Rules?

Rule one: you go out only with me.

Oh, I like that.

Rule two: I go out with whoever I want.

That doesn't sound fair.

What do you want, fair or me?

Well...

Now, let me tell you about rule three.

C-could we go back to rule two?

( doorbell rings )

Don't move. I'll be right back.

Debbie, not you again!

MARCIA: Greg, I have to talk to you.

( gasps )

I might have known I'd find another woman here.

Well, you caught me at a bad time.

I usually have three or four.

Greg, you've got to take me back.

Give me one more chance.

I'll do anything you say.

No way.

Debbie, you bore me.

I'll change. I promise.

Greg, maybe I should go.

Nah.

Stick around, kid. Watch me throw her out.

Come on, loser.

Greg, if you drop me, I don't know what I'll do.

I said out!

MIKE: If that's art, I'm Michelangelo.

CAROL: Oh, honey, stop complaining.

What is it, Alice?

I think they're rehearsing

a teenage soap opera.

Greg!

How can you treat her like this?

Out with the old and in with the new.

But this girl loves you!

MARCIA: Oh, yes...

I do, I do, I do.

If you don't like it, you can leave.

Greg Brady, you're even worse than Jan said.

I never want to see you again.

You were right, it is a soap opera.

Come on, Debbie.

What's going on?

Uh... Peter...

Peter, you're supposed to be at the library.

I was.

Marcia, what are you doing in that wig?

I'm not Marcia! I'm...

She's Debbie.

She's Debbie... I'm Debbie.

Something funny's going on.

You mean something phony.

That's my sister

in a wig.

Your sister?!

What's this all about?

( sighs )

We were trying to convince Kerry

that I was a rat fink.

That's really dirty

playing a trick like this on her

when she cares about you.

We're sorry, Kerry.

If a girl as wonderful as Kerry was my girl

you know how I'd treat her?

I'd...

You'd what, Peter?

I'd treat her like a queen.

Peter, could I ask a favor?

( nervously ): Mmm... anything.

Would you walk me home?

Wow! Would I.

For a minute there, I thought we blew it.

GREG: Mom, Dad.

I guess we should explain.

Well, I think we understand.

Good night, kids.

Good night.

Good night, Greg.

Good night, Debbie.

I really didn't have any dessert last night

so I think I'd better have two.

Two donuts?

They give you lots of energy, Mom.

They give you lots of energy, Mom.

And with lots of energy, you do more homework.

With lots of energy, you can do more homework.

When you do more homework, you can get better grades.

And when you do more homework, you can get better grades.

Well, that's a pretty convincing argument.

Okay, here are two donuts.

One for you

and one for your Cyrano.

Well, we figured

maybe if it worked for girls

it'd work for donuts, too.

Want a bite?

Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.Org