Original subtitles

♪ Here's the story ♪

♪ Of a lovely lady ♪

♪ Who was bringing up ♪

♪ Three very lovely girls ♪

♪ All of them had hair of gold ♪

♪ Like their mother ♪

♪ The youngest one in curls ♪

♪ It's the story of a man named Brady ♪

♪ Who was busy with three boys of his own ♪

♪ They were four men living all together ♪

♪ Yet they were all alone ♪

♪ Till the one day when the lady met this fellow ♪

♪ And they knew that it was much more than a hunch ♪

♪ That this group must somehow form a family ♪

♪ That's the way we all became the Brady Bunch ♪

♪ The Brady Bunch ♪

♪ The Brady Bunch ♪

♪ That's the way we became the Brady Bunch. ♪

Captioning sponsored by PARAMOUNT TELEVISION

Boy, wait'll Dad finds out.

Is he going to be mad.

I'm going to finish my homework fast

so I can watch.

Me, too.

Mom, are you going to tell Dad

before dinner or after?

You kids are making a big thing out of nothing.

Your father's not going to be upset

over something so... so minor.

Mr. Brady ought to be home

any minute, Mrs. Brady.

Guess so.

I sure wish there was some way

I could help you soften the blow.

Alice, you're as bad as the kids.

Mr. Brady is not going to be upset.

Well, I hope not.

Well, after all, it was just a little accident.

Just a dented fender.

It wasn't even my fault.

Have you thought

about how you're going to break the news?

Oh, yeah.

I'll just say, "Hi, honey. How was your day?"

He'll say, "Fine. How was yours?"

And I'll say, "Oh, terrific.

Just a slight mishap with the car."

Then he'll say... ( door opens )

You can find out what he'll say right now.

Mr. Brady just got home.

( whistling )

Mike?

Yeah, honey.

How was your day?

Oh, great.

How do I look? Confident?

Like a turkey on Thanksgiving.

Thanks.

Hi, honey.

Hi, sweetheart.

How was everything at the office?

Fine. How was your day today?

Oh, just great.

I confirmed your golf date for Sunday,

and I found a button that matches your sweater,

and I sewed it on,

and I put a new lightbulb in your den,

and I picked up your cleaning,

and I made your favorite--

chicken and dumplings-- for dinner.

Honey?

Yeah?

What went wrong today?

Oh. Well, now that you mentioned it,

there was one small, tiny, minor problem.

Small, tiny, minor.

I knew you'd see it that way.

See what what way?

Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad.

Who banged up the car?

Who banged up what?

Oops.

Well, I think I'd better go have a look

at the small, tiny, minor.

Thanks a lot...

big mouth.

Well, it's no big thing,

but it's not exactly small, tiny, minor, either.

Well, honey, it wasn't my fault.

I was just in the parking lot

at the supermarket and...

What happened?

Well, we got in the car and we fastened our seat belts.

And then I carefully looked out the back window

to make sure everything was clear.

And then I started to back out.

Well, this... this man across the aisle,

he started to back right out.

Then he ran into you.

Exactly. He hit me.

Well, uh, he didn't even look back.

He just barreled right out of that parking slot.

Listen, Carol, what about the damage to his car?

It's about the same as mine-- dented fender.

Well, I'm glad nobody was hurt.

Well, me, too.

Well, we exchanged names and addresses,

and we decided to fix our own cars

instead of making a big thing out of it.

Yeah, well, it would've been wiser to report it,

but as long as you both agreed.

Hi Mom! Hi Dad!

Wow!

I bet Greg's really gonna get it for that!

What a dumb thing to do!

Greg didn't do it.

And it wasn't so dumb, either.

You kids better get ready for dinner. Your mom made chicken and dumplings.

Chicken and dumplings?

That means mom wrecked the car!

That's where I'm going to put my dumplings!

I'll give you a dumpling!

Listen, we have a problem tonight.

I'm without wheels!

How come?

My mom got in an accident and smashed her tail light.

My folks are going to use my dad's car.

How bout you drivin us?

How bout dave?

I love those jeans.

But it doesn't say where you can buy them here.

Sally has a pair. I can ask her.

Ok, why don't you call her?

Okay.

I don't know, Greg. No offense to your mother, but women sure are dumb drivers!

What do you mean women are dumb drivers!?

Who was that?

Who are you talking to!?

Sounded like Marsha!

It's Marsha alright!

And Men are even dumber drivers!

Who are you talking to!?

No one is dumber than a woman driver!

Are you listening, Eddy?

Listen to this!

[Hangs Up]

Who is Eddy!?

And how come you hung up after you told him to listen!?

Listen Eddy, I'm sure we can get this

Hang on a minute.

For the record, that accident was not Mom's fault.

It was that dumb man driver's fault!

That was my sister, Eddy!

Which one!?

The one you wanted to ask for a date.

Eddy, Hello??

Come on, Honey! We're gonna be late!

I'm on my way!

Mr. Brady?

Yeah, that's right.

I'm Harry Duggan.

I'm the fella that had that accident

with your wife this afternoon.

Yeah, well, come on in, Mr. Duggan.

Oh, thank you. I will.

My, you have a lovely place here.

Uh, thank you.

DUGGAN: Did I catch you at a bad time?

MIKE: Well, my wife and I are going out, yeah.

Oh, I see, well, this won't take a minute.

I mean, you and I can settle it man to man,

if you know what I mean.

Um, no, don't think I know what you mean.

Well, you know, women drivers.

Women drivers?

Oh, good evening, Mrs. Brady.

This won't take a second.

I borrowed a car from a friend to get here,

and I have to get a ride back to him.

You see, my car had to be towed

from the scene of the accident to a shop.

What my wife told me,

there wasn't that much damage done to your car.

Well, as a matter of fact,

she banged up my car pretty bad.

Pretty bad?

Yes. In fact, I have an itemized list

of the damage done to my car

and what it'll cost Mrs. Brady to fix it.

Cost me to fix it?

But we both agreed to fix our own cars.

Well, why should I agree to a thing like that?

After all, it wasn't my fault.

Well, it certainly wasn't my fault.

Why, I think you should hear my side of the story, Mr. Brady.

But I've already told Mr. Brady everything.

Honey. What is your side, Mr. Duggan?

Well, you see, I was doing some heavy marketing for my wife.

Being a woman, she's a little frail.

Excuse me, Mr. Duggan.

Frail is one thing that I am not.

Well, I'd like to get in my side of the story

without any interruptions.

Well, uh, get on with it, Mr. Duggan.

Well, I came down, got my car, started the engine,

and checked my rear window and saw it was clear,

and I just started to back out slowly

when, all of a sudden,

she came screaming out of her parking place

and banged right into me.

Obviously, she just didn't look back.

But, Mike, he couldn't have looked back,

because I was moving first.

Oh, no, you didn't look back

because I was moving first.

Now, come on, Mr... All right, okay, look.

This part's a standoff

but, as long as there was

the same amount of damage done to your cars...

Same amount of damage?

Are you kidding?

Here.

Read this.

"Smashed rear taillight,

"crushed fender,

"replace muffler, repaint left side...

realign the frame"?

How much?

$295.11.

Of course, there's some other minor things

that I don't mind taking care of myself.

What, refurnishing your house?

Mike, this just isn't true.

Mrs. Brady, are you suggesting that I am lying?

And very badly, too.

Well, Mr. Brady, you're going to have

to believe one of our stories,

and I guess it'll be hers.

I see who wears the pants in this family.

Mr. Duggan, I think you better leave

before I toss you out on the seat of yours.

Sir, are you threatening me

with bodily harm?

Yes. Out.

You haven't heard the last of this.

I'm going to sue you.

I'll see you in court!

CAROL: My pleasure!

Of all the nerve.

That-that... chiseler.

MIKE: And he's obviously trying to use

the accident to get a whole lot

of other repairs done on his car.

Oh, Mike, do you think he really means it

about taking me to court?

Yeah, I think he means it all right.

Mom, Dad,

could we talk to you for a second?

We heard what you said.

Would we have to go to court, too?

Well, uh, yes. You might.

Oh, Mike, you don't really think

they'd have to go to court, do you?

Honey, they were witnesses.

That's perfectly legal.

Oh...

Well, honey, there's nothing to be afraid of.

All you have to do is tell the truth.

We do?

Of course. Especially in court.

The exact truth?

Say, listen, uh, what's going on here?

Well, before we go to court,

we think you ought to know something.

What's that?

Well, maybe the accident

was Mom's fault.

My fault?

We didn't see you look back

just like the man said.

Are you sure?

We're sure, Dad.

Sorry, Mom.

Look, uh, you two run upstairs and go to bed.

It's your bedtime, okay?

Say good night.

BOTH: Good night.

Good night.

Gee, Mike, I don't know what to say.

Honey, now, listen,

are you sure you looked before you...

Well, now wait a minute,

maybe you just think you did.

Honey, I am positive I looked back.

Well, how do you explain the kids?

I can't.

Oh, Mike, what am I going to do?

Mr. Duggan's going to take me to court,

and my own kids are going to have to testify against me.

Those poor kids.

They must be terribly upset.

Yeah. Especially since we've always told them

to be truthful.

Yeah.

Well, I guess there's only one thing to do

and that's give that Mr. Duggan his $295.

And 11 cents.

And 11 cents.

We just couldn't put the kids through that--

making them appear in court.

Well, I agree.

It's pretty bad having your own kids testify against you.

Well, it wouldn't exactly make the P.T.A.

nominate me Mother of the Year.

Well, I'll tell the kids in the morning.

They'll be delighted.

Do you know what makes me absolutely furious?

That Duggan is going to think

I'm finally admitting that I was lying.

Oh, honey, don't think about it.

Let's forget all about him

and hope we never see him again.

Mike?

You don't think I'm lying, do you?

No, I don't.

Mike?

You do believe me, don't you?

Of course I do!

Mike?

You're not just saying that because you're my husband, are you?

No, sweetheart.

What's the matter?

I was waiting for you to stop me again.

[knocks]

Go away!

I've gotta brush my teeth too, you little creep!

Will you stop calling bobby a creep?

What about Benedict Arnold?

Bobby's no traitor, he's in a bind.

He shouldn't testify against his own mother!

What else can he do?

Lot's of things!

Like what?

Well...

Maybe he can run away from home!

Leave me alone!

Let's just go to sleep.

Might as well. He won't let me in there.

Goodnight!

Goodnight, creep!

Come on, Cindy, you should be sleeping.

I know.

What's the matter?

Guess I should tell you.

Bobby and I got Mom in trouble.

What are you talking about?

The man Mom had the accident with is going to sue her.

Sue Mom?

Bobby and I have to be witnesses in court

'cause we were in the car.

Then I guess I'll have to be a witness, too.

Well, how did you and Bobby get Mom in trouble?

Because we said it was Mom's fault.

Mom's fault?!

Uh-huh.

What am I going to do?

Well, for one thing, get glasses.

Honey, there's no use in stewing about it all night.

I'm not stewing. I'm reading.

Sweetheart, you have been on page 124 for 30 minutes.

That's not reading. That's stewing.

( knocking )

Come in.

Mom, I just heard

that man is going to sue you over the accident.

Well, he was, honey,

but we're not going to court.

Why not?

Well, sweetheart, it's a little complicated.

Well, if it's because of Bobby and Cindy, they're wrong.

It wasn't Mom's fault.

Were you in the car, too?

Yes. I saw Mom look back.

Well, now, wait a minute.

How could four of you have been in the car

and two of you see one thing and two of you see another?

MARCIA: I don't know.

Isn't there something you can do, Dad?

Yeah. I could get an ice bag.

I wasn't in the accident, but I'm getting a headache.

Come on, honey, cheer up.

Your folks will figure a way out of this somehow.

Yes, but what if they don't?

Then Bobby and I will have to go to court.

Well, maybe not.

The judge swears at you.

No, sweetie. The judge swears you in.

That sounds just as bad.

Well, it's not just as bad.

Look, I've-I've never been in court myself,

but I'm what you might call an amateur expert anyway.

How come?

From watching television.

I've learned a lot from The Bold Ones

and Owen Marshall

and I expect to pass the bar on the Perry Mason reruns.

You mean court's just like it is on TV?

Pretty much.

The judge walks in, and you stand up.

When he stands, you stand; when he sits, you sit.

Sounds like Follow the Leader.

Yeah, well, sort of.

And then, when he calls your name

you become the witness and you sit in the witness chair.

Is that where I have to tell the truth?

Yup. "The truth, the whole truth

and nothing but the truth."

Alice, if I don't sit in that chair, can I fib a little?

Sweetie, I don't think your mother

would want you to do that.

But if Bobby and I tell the truth, she'll lose

and go to jail for years and years.

Honey, this is just a small claims court.

There's no jury.

Your mother's not going to have to go to jail

no matter what you say.

The judge just listens to both sides

and then he decides which...

Cindy, when you finish breakfast, get Bobby.

I want you both to come out in the backyard.

I'm finished.

Come on, Marcia, honey.

What's up, Mrs. Brady?

We're going to find out why four people in the same car

didn't see the same thing the same way.

How? Mr. Brady is going to restage

the scene of the crime.

Come on.

Okay, now, let's go through this

the way it happened at the supermarket.

And remember, I said exactly.

Okay? Okay.

Where do you want the car, Dad?

Uh, Carol, is that about right?

Yeah, I think so.

Okay, Greg, that's okay.

Now, uh, you're Mr. Duggan,

and you start backing up when I tell you.

Right, Dad.

Hey, Pete, you want to ride along with me?

Nah. I don't want to ride with Mr. Duggan.

Either do I.

Never mind that now, kids. Now, come on, let's, uh,

let's get started here. Now, Carol,

tell me everything you did, exactly.

Okay. Well, first, we got into the car

and we fastened our seat belts. Right?

MARCIA: Right.

CAROL: And, um, then I started the motor

and then I looked carefully behind me to make sure

that everything was clear

and then I started to back out.

That's when we didn't see you look back.

Start backing, Greg!

Okay, Dad.

And don't stop until I tell you.

( engine turns ) Hey, wait a minute.

That's when you two were fighting about something.

Oh, yeah.

You spilled ice cream all over me.

Okay, kids, I said "exactly."

So you two go ahead, fight.

I did not spill it on you!

You did, too!

I did not!

You did! I didn't!

You did! I didn't. Listen, wait a minute.

Wait a minute. I think we got something here.

Hey, hey, Dad.

You two were arguing the whole time... Dad, Dad, Dad?

Peter, not now. You two were But, but, but Dad!

arguing the whole time... Peter, will you...?

Greg, stop!

( tires squealing )

( sighs )

Oh, whew. We almost had another court case.

Yeah, Brady v. Brady.

Bobby, Cindy...

were you two arguing the whole time?

Yeah, I think we were.

MIKE: Well, if you were,

how do you know whether your mother

looked back or not before the accident?

Well, maybe she did look back, and we didn't see it.

Exactly.

And it only takes a split second to miss something.

Maybe we missed it.

We're sorry, Mom.

Oh, that's okay, honey.

You only said what you thought was the truth.

Well, Mr. Brady, you're a regular Charlie Chan.

Ah, so...

Honorable wife of honorable detective

hope honorable judge just as clever.

( stately music plays )

Thank you.

Next case is Duggan v. Brady.

Will the interested parties

please step forward?

Mrs. Brady?

Yes, your Honor.

The defendant, huh?

Will Mr. Duggan please step forward?

Mrs. Brady, you may return to your seat.

The Court will grant Mr. Duggan

two minutes grace.

Mom, Dad, look.

A neck brace.

Do you believe that?

I'm surprised he doesn't have both legs in a cast.

State your name, please.

Harry Duggan, sir.

I'm sorry I'm late, Your Honor,

but I was at the doctor's-- whiplash.

Yes, so it appears.

Uh, the defendant will return, please.

You understand that I will hear both sides,

and then the Court will render

a decision. Yes, Your Honor.

The plaintiff first.

You may use the blackboard.

Well, it's rather difficult, Your Honor.

You see, I can hardly turn my head,

but I was, uh... I was parked, uh,

here and, uh... she was parked, uh...

like that.

I had just come from the market with my groceries.

My wife usually does the shopping, but...

poor woman is bedridden.

Uh, just stick to what happened in the parking lot, Mr. Duggan.

Yes, sir. Well, I got into my car,

and I turned my head carefully

and, uh, looked out the rear window.

Of course, I can't turn my head now, but, uh,

I looked, and I saw it was clear,

so I started to back up very slowly

when, all of a sudden,

she came barreling out of her parking space

and-- wham, bang-- ran right into me.

Of course, ( chuckles ) you know

how women drivers are, Your Honor.

Whether the other driver is male or female

is not pertinent.

Except, of course, to his or her spouse.

Oh, I understand, sir. I just meant that, uh...

Have you anything to add?

Uh, have you any witnesses?

Oh, no, sir.

I just have here an itemized list

of the damages to my car.

No thanks to her, I could have been

banged up a lot worse than this.

Of course, I can't even turn my head.

Yes, you have made that abundantly clear.

Mrs. Brady, it's your turn.

CAROL: Thank you.

Your Honor...

I agree with Mr. Duggan on only one point:

we were both parked.

But I was the one who looked back

to make sure everything was clear.

He couldn't have. Otherwise, he wouldn't have hit me.

No! You're the one that didn't look out, because you hit me.

Oh, just a minute, Mister...

Mr. Duggan, I believe you have had your turn.

Uh... children,

are you witnesses?

Oh, yes, Your Honor.

I object, Your Honor.

She probably told them what to say.

Mr. Duggan, the Court does not need advice from you.

State your names, please.

Marcia Brady.

Robert Brady.

Cynthia Brady, Your Honor.

Now, children, the story that your mother told

about the accident in the parking lot-- is that true?

Did she turn around and carefully look

before she backed up?

Yes, Your Honor. I saw her look back.

Ah, are you sure?

Yes, sir. I'm sure.

But Cindy and I didn't see her, Your Honor.

He spilled ice cream on my dress.

I did not.

You did, too. CAROL: Shh!

I did not.

Did, too. I did not.

Shh, kids. Did, too. I did not.

You may be seated, children.

( clears throat )

( both muttering )

JUDGE: The Court finds itself

with two completely conflicting accounts

of this accident.

Now, on the one hand,

Mr. Duggan states categorically that he looked

very carefully before he pulled his car out.

And on the other hand, Mrs. Brady contends

the same thing.

This leaves the Court

to settle the decision

entirely on the testimony

of both the litigants.

Hey, he turned his head.

CINDY: Yeah, he turned his head.

No, I didn't. Um...

Mr. Duggan, it is the opinion of the Court

that your neck brace was an overt attempt

to change the opinion

of this Court,

therefore beclouding your testimony.

I find in favor of the defendant.

Oh, thank you.

Wow. That was really smart, Dad.

Honorable father use honorable noodle.

Honorable mother most grateful.

Dad, can we go see the Judge for a second?

What for?

Maybe he can decide

who spilled the ice cream.

It's mine.

It is not! It's mine!

Jan, let go.

I won't. It's my candy bar!

No, it's not! Yes, it is!

Let me settle this.

I was just in court,

so I know all about settling things really legal.

Okay by me.

Okay.

Court will now come to order.

Whatever Judge Brady says goes.

Let me see the evidence.

( grunts )

You say it's yours,

and she says it's hers. Right?

It's mine. I bought it yesterday.

It is not. It's mine.

I just got it at the store.

Hmm. It's a very tough case.

There's only one thing to do.

PETER: Cindy!