Original subtitles

♪ Here's the story ♪

♪ Of a lovely lady ♪

♪ Who was bringing up ♪

♪ Three very lovely girls ♪

♪ All of them had hair of gold ♪

♪ Like their mother ♪

♪ The youngest one in curls ♪

♪ It's the story of a man named Brady ♪

♪ Who was busy with three boys of his own ♪

♪ They were four men living all together ♪

♪ Yet they were all alone ♪

♪ Till the one day when the lady met this fellow ♪

♪ And they knew that it was much more than a hunch ♪

♪ That this group must somehow form a family ♪

♪ That's the way we all became the Brady Bunch ♪

♪ The Brady Bunch ♪

♪ The Brady Bunch ♪

♪ That's the way we became the Brady Bunch. ♪

Captioning sponsored by PARAMOUNT TELEVISION

I made out the shopping list, Mrs. Brady

finished the washing, and I don't think...

Alice, will you please stop worrying, we'll be fine.

Now just have a nice vacation.

I will, I really will.

You know, it just broke my heart

saying good-bye to the children this morning.

It's just going to seem like a year

before I see them again.

Alice, you're only going to be gone a week.

So I'm 358 days off.

Well, they're going to miss you, too.

Well, I wouldn't go if I didn't know

you'll have a first-rate pinch hitter for me.

You're gonna love my Cousin Emma.

Oh, yeah. I'm sure we will.

Like I said, she's efficient, well-organized...

a born manager.

Oh, there she is now.

Hi, Emma.

Hi there, Alice.

My, it's good to see you.

You, too.

Emma, meet Mr. And Mrs. Brady.

Hello, Emma.

Hi, it's nice to have you with us.

We hope you'll be comfortable.

Thank you. I just hope

that I'm able to make you people comfortable.

There are six more Bradys to meet

when they get home from school.

Good-- the more there are, the better I like it.

( car horn beeps )

Oh, that'll be Sam to drive me to the airport.

Well, adios, aloha

arrivederci and auf wiedersehen.

Alice, now, what kind of a good-bye is that?

When you get on an airplane nowadays,

you never know where you're going to end up.

Bye.

You take good care

of the Bradys, Cousin Emma.

( horn beeps )

I'm coming!

I think I can handle the job, folks.

I wasn't 20 years in the WACs for nothing.

Mustered out as master sergeant.

Master sergeant?

Yes, Ma'am.

Helped run the mess hall for an entire company.

That must have been a very difficult job.

Not if you're organized.

( both shouting )

Halt!

About face.

Forward march, and close the door.

Come on, hut-two, hut-two

hut, hut, hut...

move along.

Hut, hut-two, hut-two, hut-two.

It's just a question of control.

Hut-two?

( whistle blows loudly )

( whistle blowing )

( whistle blowing )

( whistle blowing )

What's happening?

I don't know.

( whistle blows )

There it is again.

Up and at 'em, men.

Up and at who?

Move it. Out of the sack.

Hut-two, hut-two.

But it's barely light outside.

Right, rise with the sun, get your day's work done.

But we don't work, we go to school.

Makes no difference, good habits start early in life.

Do they have to start so early in the morning.

Quit the chatter men. Suit up and fall out in the yard in 15 minutes.

The yard?

What are we going to do in the yard?

Rise and shine girls, breakfast at 0800 hours.

But it's only 6 in the morning.

What are we suppose to do til 0800 hours?

Calisthenics.

Cindy: Calisthenics??? Oh no!

And when I say Calisthenics,

I mean Calisthenics.

Hut-two, hut two.

Hut-two, hut-two!

Jump tall! Jump tall!

Hut-two and that's all.

If that's all, I think I'll be going back to bed.

As you were.

Never break formation until you've been given the order.

Back, back, snap to it!

Hut, hut, hut!

We're just getting warmed up.

How come we had to come out here

to get warmed up?

Yeah.

I was warmer in bed.

Boy, she really has the kids hustling.

Do you think it might be too much for them, Mike?

Oh, a little exercise can't hurt them.

Alright, what we are going to do now are deep knee bends.

And I mean deep. Got it?

Ready, set, exercise. Hut-two, hut-two

heads up, chest out, back- striaght, lookin' great.

This is for the birds.

Yeah, the birds.

You're kidding. No bird in his right mind would do knee bends at 6 in the morning.

Can she do this to us?

She's doing it isn't she?

My knees have bend okay since before we started.

Hut-two, hut-two...

Hut-two, hut-two...

hut-two, and that's all.

Fall out.

( all sigh with relief )

Can we eat now?

I'm starved.

( all agreeing )

Simmer down.

There'll be no chow until after inspection of quarters.

Get a little more elbow grease on the shoes.

Yes sir!

Mam..

That's not way to stoll socks.

You roll them like this.

That's a regulation sock roll.

That looks like a mushy bed soldier.

Tighten that blanket. That quarter is suppose to

jump like a spring.

Yes mam.

Bobby: Why?

Why? Regulations. That's why.

Well, it's not too bad..

For a first inspection.

At Ease...

This is like being in the Army.

I wonder what the punishment is for going over the hill.

Hahahaha, That's great.

Well, girls, do you think

this room can stand the glove test?

What's the glove test?

That is the glove test.

Get rid of that dust.

Why don't we keep the dust

and get rid of her?

Uncle Sam had her.

Why didn't he keep her?

Hi, honey.

Hi.

Uh-oh. Something's wrong.

What makes you say that?

Because you have

that "something's wrong" look in your eye.

Well, it's Emma.

Uh-oh, what's the matter with Emma?

Well, I know she means well, honey,

but she's awfully hard on the kids.

Oh, you mean the exercises?

Well, it's not just the exercises.

It's the room inspections

and that awful "hut-two, hut-two"

all over the place.

She's just one of those persons

that has to have everything organized.

Boy, you're not kidding.

She's organized me right out of my own kitchen.

Oh, by the way, this is for you.

She wants you to initial it.

Yeah? What's this?

Well, it's a duty roster.

A duty roster?

Yeah. She's given the kids assignments.

There's K.P., laundry detail, trash detail, bathroom detail.

I'm surprised she didn't say "latrine."

She did.

I had to translate for the kids.

Well, honey, there's nothing wrong

with the kids having duties assigned to them.

You mean you approve of all this?

Well, a little discipline can't hurt.

Okay. I wonder if you'll feel the same way

at dinner tonight.

What's going to happen at dinner tonight?

You'll see.

Troops! In here, troops.

Come on, in here. Grab a plate and get in line.

Form a line right around here.

No pushing.

Organization is the order of the day.

What are we eating?

Potatoes MacArthur, beef Eisenhower

and succotash Pentagon.

After you've finished eating,

I want you to rinse off your plates

and pile them in the sink.

Who's got K.P. On the duty roster?

I guess I do.

Well, then you eat first.

Hut-two, hut-two.

What did she say we were having?

Succotash Pentagon?

Hut-two, hut-four, I don't like this anymore.

I've got the terrible feeling

we've all been drafted.

Dad, Mom, can we talk to you for a minute?

Sure. What's the trouble?

What isn't the trouble?

Do we have to go in

for all that gung-ho jazz?

Especially the exercises.

Well, son, nothing wrong with building up your body.

CAROL: And what better way

than exercising every day?

I'm glad to hear you feel that way, Mr. and Mrs. Brady.

People don't always like what's good for them.

Yeah, that's what I was pointing out.

Kids need exercise.

Adults, too, Mr. Brady,

if you know what I mean.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I think I know what you mean.

You too Mrs. Brady and you got a nice little figure that you wouldn't want to go to pot.

No uh... I guess I wouldn't.

Good! Then I expect you two to join us tomorrow morning. Roger?

Like your said, there is nothing wrong with building up your bodies.

And what better way then exercising everyday. Right?

Tomorrow morning at 0600 hours.

0600 hours?

That's... that's...

that's 6:00 in the morning.

Hut-two, three, four. Hut-two, three, four.

Hut-two, three, four, make those tummy touch the floor.

Five, six, seven, eight, lower those back and keep them striaght.

Hut-two, three, four. Hut-two, three, four.

And halt.

Well, it certainly makes you feel better. Doesn't it?

I don't know. Right now I can't feel anything.

Alright troops, can I have your attention?

I would like to make an announcement.

Tomorrow morning we will not be doing calisthenics.

(All cheering)

Hold it, hold it...

Instead, I have a special surprise.

♪ Military Music ♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

Hut-two, hut-two, hut-two, come on in.

Hut-two, hut-two, hut-two, that's good, hut-two.

Hut-two, hut-two, hut-two, hut-two.

All present and accounted for?

Hut-two, hut-two.

All right, fall out.

Hut-two, hut-two, hut-two...

Oh, honey, I'm sorry I got you into this.

Why didn't you just drop out and go home?

Are you kidding?

And face a court-martial?

( blows whistle )

Chow time!

( groaning )

As Sergeant Emma would say

are you a-okay?

Oh, no, my "A" is far from okay.

And my "B" and "C" are the same.

You know, if Emma weren't Alice's cousin,

I'd ship her out for overseas duty.

Yeah. Hear, hear.

( knock at door )

Come in!

Mom? Dad?

Yeah?

On behalf of all the kids,

we'd like to put a proposition to you.

What kind of proposition?

Well, if we don't have to have Emma

the rest of the week,

we'll do all the housework.

We'll even get up at 0600 hours

and do stuff before we go to school.

And we'll come home right after school

and do work, too.

GREG: What we're trying to say is,

we'd like an honorable discharge

from Emma's Army.

Oh that's funny. Your father and I were just talking about that.

And?!

Well, It's not quite that simple.

Emma is Alice's cousin

and we're on kind of delicate ground.

We wouldn't want

to hurt Alice's feelings, would we?

I guess not.

We didn't think of that.

Mmm, well, I guess

we're all stuck for the duration.

I wish we could give her

a three-day pass or something.

Yeah, that sure would help.

Hey, why not?

Mike, why couldn't we get her

to take a couple of days off?

Or even one!

That's a good idea.

Let's talk to her.

( groans )

Oh, honey...

Oh, just arranging these dishes in G.I. order.

Have you ever read

the army manual on mess hall organization?

No, I'm afraid I haven't.

Well, you should.

It's an eye-opener.

Uh, Emma, we appreciate your working so hard,

but Mrs. Brady and I

are a little concerned about it.

Yeah, we think you've been working

just a little too hard.

Nothing wrong with hard work.

No, no, but you can overdo it.

Even in the army they gave you

three-day passes, didn't they?

Oh, sure they did, but I never took them.

You never took them.

Mr. And Mrs. Brady, I served 20 years in Uncle Sam's army.

Never goldbricked once-- I'm not about to start now.

No, sir. I've got a week's special duty here.

You're gonna get every minute of it.

Hey, Mr. Brady,

that buckle of yours is tarnishing.

I've got an army glad rag that'll shine that right up.

We heard.

Sorry, kids.

Emma's not going to budge until Alice returns

from her vacation.

I don't think I can stand it

till Alice gets back.

There must be something we can do.

I called you guys together for some good news.

Marcia and I have figured out some plans for Sergeant Emma.

ALL: Good!

All right, you two get a special mission

that's going to knock Emma for a loop.

And you two are going to help me and Greg.

Come here.

( talking quietly )

Think Emma's going to be scared?

Sure. Remember Alice?

She screamed, and jumped ten feet high.

Emma will leave here as fast as she can.

Where shall we put it?

Hey, how about the wastebasket?

Perfect!

Okay, Goliath, we're counting on you.

Sure was nice of Benjie

to lend us his pet mouse.

Yeah.

Ready?

Roger.

Emma's got me saying it.

Okay, go.

BOTH ( screaming ): Emma! Emma!

There's a rat in the kitchen!

It's great big! It's got huge yellow teeth.

They're probably all over the place!

Where's this one?

It's in the wastebasket!

Watch out! Those teeth are horrible!

And yellow! Awful!

Ooh, it's going to get us!

Oh, what? This little fellow?

Ooh! He's going to get us!

Why, he wouldn't hurt a fly.

Remember, good soldiers aren't afraid of anything.

He's cute.

Here, make a pet out of him.

She sure wasn't scared of a mouse.

Maybe Benjie has a skunk.

Skunk! I think we need King Kong.

EMMA: ♪ As we hit the dusty trail... ♪

Hi, Emma.

Hi, troops.

♪ As those caissons go rolling... ♪

You want something?

Well, we were just wondering

why you're working so hard

if you feel so bad.

Who says I feel bad?

You're always telling us to stand up straight like you do.

And, from the way you're bent over,

you must feel terrible.

I'm just bent over dusting.

Well, what about the dark circles?

What dark circles?

Under your eyes.

Yeah. You look kind of feverish.

Feverish?

Maybe we shouldn't have said anything.

Yeah. Forget it, Emma.

See you around.

Hi, Emma.

Hi.

Emma, are you feeling okay?

Well, sure, I'm feeling okay.

Oh, but your face is so flushed.

I thought you might be sick.

And what's the matter with your eyes?

My eyes? Why?

Well, they look kind of glazed.

Maybe she's getting the pinkeye.

Emma, now you're getting pale as a ghost.

Pale?

You better sit down.

You look like you might faint.

Why, I never fainted in my whole life.

I think you're supposed

to put your head between your knees.

Emma, you ought to take it easy.

Go away for a couple of days' rest.

Right!

You know what's the matter with me?

It's those calisthenics.

Boy, I bet that's what it is.

Too much exercising, right?

Wrong. I've been too easy on myself.

Getting soft as a civilian.

Effective 0600 hours tomorrow, double calisthenics.

We are really going to shape up around here.

♪ Over hill, over dale, as we hit the dusty trail ♪

♪ As those caissons go rolling along... ♪

Oh, honey, honey...

Mmm?

You know what time it is?

Time for Emma's exercises.

Yeah.

( sighs )

Oh! Do you realize what today is?

Yeah. How could I forget?

Alice is coming home.

The prisoners of war are about to be liberated.

Oh, boy.

She sure will be a sight for sore eyes...

and a sore back and sore arms and sore legs.

Oh, well, the kids can hardly wait.

Honey, why don't we give Alice

a coming-home party?

Hey, yeah, why not?

Yeah, why don't we?

I'll order a cake from the bakery

and I'll have Greg pick it up

on his way home from school.

Yeah. I'm for that.

Well, we better get a move on.

You know how Emma is about our 0600 calisthenics.

Roger. I don't want

to get thrown in the stockade.

Hi, Mom.

Hi.

Here's the cake.

Oh, that looks delicious.

Deliciously fattening.

Yeah.

Here, let me help you.

It looks great.

Careful now.

Hey! Mind if I look, too?

Oh, well, it's just a cake, Emma.

Oh, that's a party cake

if I ever saw one.

Well, um, let me explain, Emma. You see, it's just...

Oh, you don't have to explain, Mrs. Brady.

I understand.

You do?

Of course I do.

Today's my last day here

and you want to give me a going-away party.

Right?

Right.

Well, troops, I never really expected anything like this.

I want you to know

that this is the nicest thing that's happened to me since...

Well, since I got the General Haggarty award

for my campaign, "Make Your Barracks Beautiful."

Oh, Emma, it's really nothing.

Yes, it is something, folks.

The army's a lonely life.

You make a friend, you get transferred away.

Big evening for me used to be going

to the P.X. for shoe polish.

I've loved every single minute I've been here.

And you've all shaped up just great.

If it was in my power,

I'd give you all good conduct medals with an oak leaf cluster.

Hi, everybody!

I'm back!

ALL: Alice!

Hiya!

Oh, my.

Oh, my!

What a reception!

I'll go out and come in again!

Ah, well!

Having a little celebration here?

Cousin Alice, my wonderful platoon has made

a farewell party for old Sarge.

Oh, well, isn't that nice?

See? I told you

the Bradys were something pretty special.

And I guess you all have discovered

that Cousin Emma's something special, too.

Oh, she's something special all right.

You better believe it.

Well, that's great

because now I won't have to feel funny

about going away again.

We can just ask Cousin Emma to come back.

( whistle blowing )

( whistle blowing )

( whistle blowing )

( whistle blowing )

Not again.

( whistle tooting )

( more tooting )

( whistle toots )

Alice, it's 6:00 in the morning.

Yeah, I know.

What are you doing with that whistle?

Emma left it for me.

She said the whole family just loved getting up at 6:00

and exercising.

Yeah, and she left me, as a matter of fact,

all these instructions

and a whole lot of other things.

First, calisthenics at 0600, then mess call,

to be followed immediately by the white glove test,

for the inspection of the quarters...

If, and then only if, everyone passes that test,

there'll be a rest...

Hey, where did everybody go?

Eh?

Hey!