Original subtitles

♪ Here's the story ♪

♪ Of a lovely lady ♪

♪ Who was bringing up ♪

♪ Three very lovely girls ♪

♪ All of them had hair of gold ♪

♪ Like their mother ♪

♪ The youngest one in curls ♪

♪ It's the story of a man named Brady ♪

♪ Who was busy with three boys of his own ♪

♪ They were four men living all together ♪

♪ Yet they were all alone ♪

♪ Till the one day when the lady met this fellow ♪

♪ And they knew that it was much more than a hunch ♪

♪ That this group must somehow form a family ♪

♪ That's the way we all became the Brady Bunch ♪

♪ The Brady Bunch ♪

♪ The Brady Bunch ♪

♪ That's the way we became the Brady Bunch. ♪

Isn't it marvelous, Alice?

My cousin Gertrude is finally getting married.

For her, it's marvelous.

For me, it'd be miraculous.

Hi, everybody.

Oh, hi, honey.

What's the good word, honey? Mmm.

Well, Gertrude is gonna get married.

Gertrude... your cousin Gertrude?

The one and only.

Quick, a chair, I may faint.

Oh, Mike. The invitation's for a week from Sunday night.

Hmm. Gee, a wedding--

do I get all dressed up?

Do I have to wear a dumb old tie?

Oh, I'm sorry, kids.

The invitation is just for the grownups.

Not us kids?

Well, Marcia and Greg are going,

but they're older.

And, um, Jan and Peter are going, too.

BOBBY: What about us?

Well, there's a wedding reception afterwards.

I think Gertrude thinks you're too young

to stay up that late.

Besides, weddings

aren't all that interesting.

MIKE: You'll have a much better time at home.

Sure, the three of us will watch TV, play games,

have a lot of fun.

Yeah. A lot of fun.

You think you can fix it?

Easy.

What are you doing?

We are fixing Marcia's radio.

Can I help.

This is kinda tricky.

Yeah, it's too technical for little kids.

I can hand you tools and things.

Maybe some other time Bobby.

No Cindy, it's too hard for you.

Why can't I help? The chair

is in my room to.

Look Cindy, this isn't a game.

If you mess up the paint, we are going to have to do it all over again.

Greg and Peter won't even let me

help fix a dumb old radio.

"It's too tricky."

I can't even help paint a chair.

We're not even important enough to go to the wedding.

Why can't us little kids

do things that are important, too?

Hey, that gives me an idea, Cindy!

What?

We'll do something important.

That'll show them.

Like what?

Like...

I don't know.

But I'll think of something.

Yeah!

Something really, really important.

Boy, I know something that'll make us really important.

What?

But we can't do it.

well, maybe we could. Tell me.

Well, wouldn't it be great if we can stol away in a spaceship.

A spaceship? Wow!

We would be the first little kids on the moon.

But even if we could, Mom and Dad wouldn't let us go.

Yeah....

They probably woulnd't let us climb the alps either.

Well, let's think of something else.

I'm tired of thinking.

And it's almost time for Cartoon King on television.

( lively music playing TV )

I thought of something else important we could do.

What?

Well, wouldn't it be great

if we could go to New York

and climb to the top of the Empire State Building?

I bet lots of people

have climbed to the top of the Empire State Building.

Not on the outside.

Alice, would you please raise the hem an inch?

I want to wear it to the wedding.

Mm, okay, sure.

Isn't it romantic?

Cousin Gertrude

getting married after all these years.

I wonder if I'll ever get married.

Well, I certainly would start to worry about that if I were you.

I mean, after all, here you are almost 13, over the hill.

( giggling )

ANNOUNCER: And last but not least, here's the human side of the news.

Cartoon King comes on next.

This afternoon, two enterprising and very tired college boys

in Farrellville are out to set a record.

They've been on a teeter-totter for 100 straight hours.

They're almost there-- the old record is 124 hours.

124 hours up and down, without a stop.

Now, there's a record to shoot at.

Did you hear that?

What if we set a new record?

Yeah.

We'll start tomorrow morning.

Well, I'll see you later, Alice.

You're off and running pretty early

for a Saturday morning, Mrs. Brady.

Oh, yeah, I gotta get downtown

and get Gertrude a wedding present.

I sure hope I can get her something different.

You know what I mean, Alice?

Yeah, everybody always gives

the obvious, like toasters.

Yeah, I know what you mean.

Mr. Brady and I got nine of them.

We didn't know whether we were getting married

or opening a restaurant.

Everybody sure is in a hurry this morning.

We gotta get started early.

We're going to set

a new teeter-totter record, okay, Mom?

Sure, kids. Have fun. Bye.

Well, I'd better get going.

I sure hope I can find something for Gertrude, Alice.

You know, she isn't the easiest person in the world to buy for.

Well, she already has the best gift for a wedding.

A man.

Well, I'll see you later.

( both chuckling )

Hi, Dad. Hi.

Hi, kids.

Guess what we're going to do?

When I get home, Bob.

I'm late for an appointment.

We're going to set a new teeter-totter record.

Oh? Mom said we could.

Well, good for you.

Have fun, kids.

Bye! Bye. Bye-bye!

It'll take a long time to set the record.

Are your muscles in good shape?

I guess so. Are yours?

Sure. Feel this.

I don't feel anything.

Well... maybe it's in the other arm.

( humming )

Hey, Alice, have you got a watch? Yeah.

Tell us exactly what time it is when we start.

Start?

For the new teeter-totter record.

It has to be official.

Aha. Okay, official, right.

All right, uh, let's see.

It's three minutes after 8:00.

And... go!

Hey, Alice, what time is it now?

Three minutes and 20 seconds after 8:00.

Gee, that's 20 seconds already.

Yeah, we only have to do this about... a million more times.

Jan, would you zip me up?

Sure.

Do you think my dress is short enough now?

Sure, it looks fine.

Are you sure?

Yes.

Okay.

I'm trying to look at myself.

Well, so am I.

( knocking at door )

JAN: Come in.

Here's your radio.

We did it.

Thanks. What was the matter with it?

Your variable tuner was out of whack.

Wow. And you fixed it?

Nothing to it.

Nothing to it for him.

I fixed it.

Thanks, Greg.

That's okay.

What are you girls all dressed up for?

It's for the wedding.

That's next week.

Why wait till the last minute?

Hey, if they're going to wear junk like that,

we're going to have to get all dressed up, too.

Why, sure. it's a wedding.

It's the most romantic thing

that can ever happen in a girl's life.

What about the poor guy?

( chuckling )

Don't you want to get married?

Sure! When I got nothing else to live for.

( laughing )

I mean, don't you want

a home and children?

We already got a home--

and a whole bunch of children.

( laughing )

Come on.

( keeps laughing )

( humming )

Hi, Alice.

Hi, Mrs. Brady.

Well, I think I got

the perfect gift for Gertrude--

something I'm sure no one else would think of.

Oh, what's that?

A silver frog.

Oh, a silver frog.

Well, you're right, it's a million-to-one shot

she won't even get a green one.

Oh, Alice.

A frog for flowers.

See? This part is the frog

and then you can use this

for candy or nuts or anything.

Hey, that's kind of pretty. Isn't that great?

Hey, is somebody going on a picnic?

Oh, no, no, this is just a little something

for Mr. Teeter and Miss Totter.

Mr. Teeter and Miss Totter?

They're out to set a world record, remember?

You don't mean to tell me they're not still on that thing?

Since three minutes after 8:00.

I didn't think they were serious.

Oh, they couldn't be seriouser.

Whew.

You getting tired, Cindy?

No, not much.

You getting tired?

No. We're getting close to that million times.

Okay, kids, lunch break!

But we can't stop, Mom.

Well, you have to have a sandwich.

That'll ruin the record.

We've got to keep going.

You said we could set a record.

That's what you said this morning.

I really said that, huh?

Just before you went out to buy the frog.

Well, you have to eat something, anyway.

I'll bet they can do both.

You got to promise me one thing, kids:

That you'll both stop when you get tired, okay?

Okay, Mom.

We promise. We're really going to break the old record.

Well, good luck, kids.

By the way, Alice,

what is the old teeter-totter record, anyway?

124 hours.

124 hours?

Eggs...

and...

Cheese...

Potato chips...

Radio: Bonjour housewives everywhere.

Today, our chef gourmet will is going to share his secret with you.

Of his famous meatball and spaghetti.

Great, I'll have that for dinner.

I will go slowly, so we can make it together.

Now we have our skillet handy yes?

Meatball and sauce.. We make that first.

With my special mix of spice and herbs.

Spicy and herbs.

First, you need basil.

Next oregano.

Oregano!

And then bay leaves.

Bay leaves, bay leaves, bay leaves.

Now the garlic.

Where's garlic?

Now onion, not just for one cup but finally chopp it.

Will you wait a minute, I am still on the garlic.

Cindy: Alice! Alice! Can you come out here.

I'm busy Cindy.

Our record is in danger.

Okay honey, I am coming.

Radio: And soon we will have our salsa esquieta

Sorry I am going to have to salsa my own esquieta.

You know, Bobby, I don't think we're quite even.

I seem to have a little bit more ballast

on my side than you do.

What's "ballast"?

It's a fancy word I use

'cause I don't like to call it flab.

Hi, Dad.

Hi, Mr. Brady.

Hi.

Alice is helping us

with our teeter-totter record.

In the teeter-totter game, I am what is known as a sit-in.

Sit-in? Hi, Dad. Thanks, Alice.

Yeah, you see, I officially sit in

for all the contestants whenever they have to do

whatever it is they have to do.

She means if we have to go to the bathroom.

Well, I can see you're a friend in time of need, Alice.

You kids are really serious about this, aren't you?

Yeah, we've been going at it

since three minutes after eight this morning.

We're really going to set a new teeter-totter record.

Well, I certainly hope so.

What's for dinner, Alice?

I'm starving.

Well, that depends.

What day is it?

Hi, honey.

Oh, hi, dear.

Would you believe

that those two have been on that...

Teeter-totter.

CAROL: ...Teeter totter

since early this morning?

MIKE: Yeah. Since three minutes after eight, to be official.

Well, do you think we ought to let them keep going?

Oh, sure. Why not?

It's no worse than if they spend a day

playing in the park. Anyway, you know kids,

one minute they want to do one thing;

the next minute, they want to do something else.

Well, they certainly have their minds made up about this.

Yeah, well, their minds may be ironclad,

but it's the other end that's gonna make them quit.

Aren't you getting tired?

Well, some of me is.

Why don't you quit?

I think it's dumb.

We're setting a record.

That's important.

Right.

Putting an umbrella over them whenever the rainy season starts.

Hey, I got a great idea.

We can hitch up a drill to the teeter-totter

and you'll be an oil well.

( Greg laughing )

Go ahead and laugh.

We'll show you.

Yeah, we'll show you.

Wait till they find out

we're having spaghetti and meatballs.

That'll get them in here.

GREG: And next week

you're gonna go for the pogo stick contest.

Hi, there.

Is this the Brady house?

Yeah, it is. Can I help you?

My name's Winters, Daily Chronicle.

Hi. I'm Bobby Brady.

And I'm Cindy Brady.

Oh, you're just who I'm looking for.

Your mom and dad around?

Yeah, they're inside.

What's this all about, Mr. Winters?

Just covering a little news story, son.

Cindy and Bobby are news?

Sure. They're out to set a world's record.

Would one of you mind calling

your mother and father?

Yeah, Peter, go get them.

How long have you kids been at it?

Since three minutes after eight this morning.

Well, that is a pretty good start.

MIKE: Mmm, a smell like that could drive a man mad.

Well, I just may dab a little behind my ears.

Mom, Dad, come on out.

There're some guys out here from the newspaper.

They're taking pictures and everything.

Tsk.

Look, one hand.

Look, no hands.

Better be careful, young man.

You know, this is a pretty big ambition--

setting a world's record.

We can do it.

Do you think you can do this, young lady?

Well, if Bobby does it, I do it.

We go up and down together.

WINTERS: Mr. And Mrs. Brady? Yes.

I'm Art Winters from the Daily Chronicle.

Hello. Hi. Hello.

Hope you won't mind us taking a few pictures of the children.

No. You mean this is news?

Sure. Great human-interest stuff.

We have a lot of human interest around here.

My brother and I just fixed my sister's radio.

That's fine, son, but one story at a time.

I'm sure you're very proud of the two kids, Mrs. Brady.

Well, to the tell you the truth...

Mother very proud...

I guess you're a little concerned, too.

Well, uh, my husband and I, at first we thought that...

Mother, all family, concerned...

Mr. Winters...

I know just how you feel.

You do?

Thanks a lot, folks. Oh, good.

Good-bye, kids. Good luck.

M-Mr. Winters, would you mind telling me

how you found out about this?

We got a phone call down at the paper first thing this morning.

Oh. Thanks.

( sighs )

( all chattering )

CAROL: Isn't that exciting?

MIKE: I wonder who called the paper this morning.

We did.

We figured the people ought to know about us.

Yeah, even us little kids can do something important.

Important?

So that's what this is all about.

Spaghetti and meatballs is ready.

Sauce Esquisita A La Alice.

Boy, are you guys missing something good!

Spaghetti and meatballs.

They're not missing a thing.

I'm going to fix them something special, too.

How come they get that kind of service?

Well, because they're setting a record,

and we don't want to spoil it, do we?

Thanks, Mom.

Thanks.

Dad, why is setting a record such a big deal to them?

Well, I guess Cindy said it best.

"Little kids can do something important."

And sometimes we all forget that.

Well, you know, kids want to be part of things, too,

and, well, I'm afraid sometimes we give them the brush-off.

Like maybe trying to help fix a radio?

Or like that time we painted the chair.

Well, I guess we all understand now.

You got to admit,

Bobby and Cindy really made their point.

Yeah, but I'm afraid no matter how hard

they try to break that record,

one thing is bound to stop them.

( yawning )

( yawning )

( yawning )

( yawning )

( yawning )

Get that arm in there. Come on.

( crickets chirping )

I think it's just about over, honey.

They sure are giving it everything they've got.

Bobby. Wake up, Bobby!

Who's sleeping?

But maybe you'd better take a nap,

and I'll take one later, okay?

Okay.

( crickets chirping )

( softly ): Come on, sweetheart.

There you go.

( whispering ): Bob...

Come on, wake up.

Wake up.

Come on in.

Boy, they really got in the paper.

Well, that's what they wanted.

Read it, Dad.

Well, it says, "Bobby and Cindy Brady

"set out yesterday to break

"the world's teeter-totter record.

"They began their assault on the record at 8:03 in the morning,

"and as of the taking of these exclusive photographs,

"the two have been teetering and/or tottering

"for several hours.

"The current record as set by Ralph Nelson, 19,

"and Allen Rudolph, 20, is slightly over 124 hours.

"The young Bradys feel that with a serious effort,

the record is within their grasp."

How come you let us fall asleep last night?

You could have woken us up.

Before you get too upset,

take a look at this morning's paper.

Yeah, I think you might like what you see.

CINDY: That's us!

BOBBY: Wow! We're famous.

You know, we're really proud of you two.

Thanks.

But we didn't set a record.

Well, now wait a minute-- maybe you did.

How old were those guys you saw on television?

Oh, real old... like in college.

What's the record for kids your age?

I don't think there is one.

There you are.

You set a record.

Hey, yeah!

We really did!

I hereby proclaim Cindy and Bobby Brady

junior teeter-totter champions of the world.

( all cheering )

( phone rings ) Whoops, I'll get it.

Hello.

Oh, hello, Gertrude.

Oh, yes, we're looking at it right now.

Yes, they're very excited.

Well, hold on a minute. I'll see.

Cousin Gertrude would like to know if

you two celebrities want to come to the wedding.

Who wants to go to a dumb old wedding?

I sure don't.

Uh, sorry, Gertrude,

but our two celebrities are all booked up.

Thanks. Bye-bye.

Come on, Bobby,

let's try to break some other kind of record.

Yeah. Come on.

I thought they wanted to go to the wedding.

Not really, but it's always nice to be asked.

Come on, Jan.

Where?

Why don't we break a record, too?

We can't let two little kids beat us out.

I don't think we can stand

more than two world's records in one week.

What do you mean two?

Well, there's the teeter-totter record...

And? Gertrude.

Anybody who spent 25 years shopping for a husband--

that's got to be some kind of record.

Hold it, folks.

That's not a record yet--

I'm still in competition.

( both laughing )

( all chattering excitedly )

How was the wedding?

Oh, Alice, it was simply beautiful.

Well, it just goes to prove that somewhere, sometime,

there's a mate for anybody.

Oh, that's good to know.

Alice, you wouldn't believe it.

Fat, bald, wrinkled.

Thin, scraggly mustache...

You should have seen the groom.

Mike... I told you not...

That's pretty good.

That's better, Pete, but grip it on the laces.

Okay.

I thought Cousin Gertrude's wedding was so romantic.

Yeah, it was just like a movie

with all those flowers and everything.

I've never seen so many flowers.

And did you see that veil and gown?

They were perfect for her!

Still talking about that dumb wedding.

It wasn't dumb!

It was beautiful.

"It was beautiful."

Do you take this woman to be your lawful wedded wife?

Yes, sir, I do.

GREG: And do you take this man

to be your lawful wedded husband?

( falsetto ): Oh, yes, sir,

I take this man for my husband.

You may now kiss the bride.

Here, in front of everybody?

( cackling )

Very funny.

Boys. Who needs them?

Yeah, who needs them?

( laughs )

I guess we do if we're ever going to get married.