Original subtitles

♪ Here's the story ♪

♪ Of a lovely lady ♪

♪ Who was bringing up ♪

♪ Three very lovely girls ♪

♪ All of them had hair of gold ♪

♪ Like their mother ♪

♪ The youngest one in curls ♪

♪ It's the story of a man named Brady ♪

♪ Who was busy with three boys of his own ♪

♪ They were four men living all together ♪

♪ Yet they were all alone ♪

♪ Till the one day when the lady met this fellow ♪

♪ And they knew that it was much more than a hunch ♪

♪ That this group must somehow form a family ♪

♪ That's the way we all became the Brady Bunch ♪

♪ The Brady Bunch ♪

♪ The Brady Bunch ♪

♪ That's the way we became the Brady Bunch. ♪

Hey, Alice, you all set?

Oh, yeah, Mr. Brady, don't worry about a thing.

Got it all worked out.

How you going to do it?

Good old-fashioned toothache.

When Mrs. Brady takes me to the dentist,

you take the kids to the photographers.

Hey, I hope it works.

It's kind of hard to put anything over on Mrs. Brady.

Mike...

Oh, that's a shame, Alice.

What's a shame?

( groaning )

What's the matter?

Alice has a terrible toothache.

Well, it, uh, is beginning to swell.

I really think I ought to get to my dentist.

Well, of course.

Well, I wouldn't dream

of letting you drive me, Mrs. Brady.

I can take a bus.

I only have to transfer three times is all.

Now, don't be ridiculous, Alice.

I'm driving you, and no arguments.

Thanks a wot.

Poor Alice.

( phone rings )

Hello?

Mr. Brenner?

Oh, yeah, from the playground.

What can I do for you?

Jan? What about her?

Is Jan all right?

Are you sure?

Well, I, I doubt it,

but I'll look into it right away, Mr. Brenner.

Yeah, uh, thanks for calling.

What is it, Mike?

Mr. Brenner says Jan left the playground

and she took some girl's bike.

Took some girl's bi... Oh, that's silly.

Jan has her own bike.

He also says he has an eyewitness

who says she stole it.

Stole it?

Well, I don't believe it.

Let's see what this is all about.

Hi.

Jan, we just got a call from Mr. Brenner.

What about?

He said you took

someone else's bike from the playground.

Why would I do that?

I've got my own bike.

Oh, Jan, this isn't your bicycle.

Among other things, yours has a dent in it

where Bobby ran into it that day.

You're right, this isn't my bicycle.

Well, it does look like hers.

It's the same make, same color, everything. Yeah.

What a dumb-head I am.

How could I have taken somebody else's bicycle?

I'm sorry.

Oh, honey, we were sure it was just a mistake.

Oh, goodness, I've got to run.

I've got to get Alice to the dentist.

I'm sorry about the bike mix-up, Dad.

I guess I was in such a hurry to get home

that I didn't look close enough.

Yeah, well, now you scoot and get the bike back fast.

Because we've got to have that picture taken

before they get back from the dentist, okay?

Okay. Do you think Mom suspects anything?

Well, hope she suspects one thing.

What?

That I'm a husband who forgets wedding anniversaries.

I'll see you. Okay.

I'll hurry.

Bye. Hurry.

Alice, if I didn't know better,

I'd swear you had a real swollen jaw.

What do you got in there?

( moaning ) Come on, don't over do it.

Gee, I'm sorry I took so long.

I certainly do appreciate this, Mrs. Brady.

Well, you don't think I'd let you go down...

That's funny.

I could have sworn the swelling

was on the other side.

You better hurry before it hurts on both sides.

Come on, scoot.

Glad it isn't my wisdom teeth.

I need all the smart I can get.

We'll be back just as soon as we can, honey.

Take all the time you need.

The way my tooth feels, it may take hours.

Maybe all afternoon.

Okay, kids!

How do I look? You look okay.

( all chatting at once )

Does my hair look okay?

I'll back the car out.

Smile, children.

Okay, that looks pretty good to me Mr. Gaylord

Perhaps to an ametaur Mr. Brady.

But not to Gregory Gaylord.

Smile children

Let's have a nice big smile huh.

Oh that's good.

Very good.

Alright...

Ready..

Set...

Wait...

Film.

I forgot to put in the film.

It's here somewhere.

Here's the film.

Imagine... A professional

forgetting to put in the film.

Okay kids, let's try this again now. Everybody smile.

Oh, this is going to be beautiful Mr. Brady.

Alright, ready... set... and

color.

I want color.

Where's my color plate?

Hang in there kids.

Can I help you?

Here's my color plate.

Imagine Gregory Gaylord forgetting his color plate.

Great memory if he could remember where he kept it.

All right children.

Let's have that smile again.

Jan honey, don't squint.

Oh, I'm sorry, I didnt meant to squint.

Ready now.

Everybody say... say...

ALL: Cheese!

Cheese.

Cheese.

Say cheese.

Ready? Set...

ALL: Cheese.

Got it!

That was perfect, kids.

Now let's take some better ones.

When do I get the pictures, Mr. Gaylord?

Well, I'll have the proofs in the morning.

No, make that Tuesday... Wednesday...

whichever comes first.

Anyway, with the frame you picked out,

it will be ready in about four or five days.

Oh, well, that's great.

It's for my anniversary

and that's a week from Saturday.

Oh, no problem, then. I'll have it framed

and delivered to your house.

Oh, listen, no, don't deliver it.

Call me when it's ready and I'll pick it up,

'cause it's a surprise.

A surprise... oh, I love surprises.

Hey, kids, come on.

We've got to hurry up and beat your mom

and Alice back to the house.

( all agreeing )

Fine-looking children, Mr. Brady.

How long have you been married?

Three years.

Three years... six kids.

Everything these days-- rush, rush, rush.

Hi, honey, how's everything at the office?

I got to come home a little early today.

Good.

What's that?

Well, it's a letter we got today

from Jan's teacher, Mrs. Denhoff. Let's see.

She says Jan's grades have been falling off.

"Lacking energy and having trouble concentrating"?

Huh, that's not like Jan.

I know, I can't understand it.

She's always been a good student.

Honey, I'd like you to read this letter.

It's from your teacher, Mrs. Denhoff.

I'm sorry.

I'll try to do better.

Jan, read it again.

This time out loud.

No, no, no... from here.

"Dear Mr. And Mrs. Brady...

"in the post... in the past several weeks

Jan's grades..."

That's enough, Jan.

Honey, where do you sit

in Mrs. Denhoff's class?

In the back, why?

Does she write lessons

on the blackboard in the front of the class?

Usually.

Jan, I think you may need glasses.

Glasses?!

Oh, Mom, no, not glasses.

I certainly think you ought to have your eyes checked.

Honey, wearing glasses isn't anything these days.

But I'm sure I don't need glasses.

Well, look, Jan,

you want to keep failing in school?

Making mistakes like taking the wrong bicycle?

Glasses, wow.

I'll look positively goofy.

When Bernie Maguire sees me, he'll go bananas.

Bananas?

That's bad, huh?

It's the worst.

Hi, Mr. Brady.

( whispers ): Follow me into the garage.

Mr. Gaylord delivered your anniversary picture.

Oh, no! I distinctly asked him not to.

Well, luckily, while Mrs. Brady was out with Jan.

I hid it out here in the garage.

Hey, thanks, Alice.

I think it'll be safe out here.

I mean, Mrs. Brady knows your anniversary is coming up

and she's already been snooping in the house.

She's a pretty good snooper.

Good work, Alice-- she'll never think to look in the garage.

Wrong. She already did, Mr. Brady.

But there would be no point in her snooping in here again.

Once she's already snooped it, it's snooped out.

Alice, your talk

is a little like your meat loaf--

a little bit of everything and all mixed up.

( honks horn )

That must be Mom and Jan.

They went to get Jan's new glasses.

I bet she looks funny in them.

Yeah. Can't wait to see old four-eyes.

Let's not have any "four-eyes" jokes.

Jan's going to feel self-conscious enough

without you teasing her.

She'll know we're just joking.

People don't like those kinds of personal jokes.

How would you like it if somebody called you... shorty?

I wouldn't care.

Okay, shorty.

You cut that out.

See?

Hi, honey.

Hi. Hi, kids.

Hey, they look great.

Those frames are beautiful.

Right, kids?

Yeah.

Terrific.

Thanks.

She picked them out herself.

Ah, they're perfect. They really suit her.

Hey, honey, come on, I want to show you

these great towels I got on sale today.

Okay.

Okay, go ahead and say it.. I look like a drip right?

No, they look neat.

Yeah, neat.

You really think they kinda look okay?

Yeah, they make you look like you're real smart.

Like a school teacher.

Oh great, I wanted glasses that make me look groovy.

They do look groovy.

Yeah and we aren't saying this because Dad told us to.

And I didn't even call you four-eyes once.

Thanks a lot.

You lose something Mrs. Brady?

Alice, you know very well what I am doing.

I'm snooping.

You Mrs. Brady?

Stooping to snooping?

Now look Alice, I bought Mr. Brady an anniversary present and I

know he bought me an anniversary present.

And I know it got to be somewhere in this house.

And I bet you were in on it.

Me??

Oh come on Alice, give me a little hint.

Let me put it to you this way Mrs. Brady,

Roses are red, violets are blue

Mr. Brady would beam me if I told you.

Oh Alice please, I am not asking you to tell me exactly

You are not being fair...

Alice: Now Mrs. Brady, I would be a traitor if I told you.

Carol: So Alice be a traitor.

Ah, Mom...

I'm going down to the library for a little while okay?

Okay honey, but don't be too long... Remember dinner.

Okay I will. Bye.

Jan?

Yeah?

Where are your glasses?

In my purse.

Why aren't you wearing them?

Well, I'm meeting Bernie Maguire at the library.

So?

So Bernie hasn't seen me in glasses,

and he's not going to, if I can help it.

Well, Mom and Dad said you were supposed to wear your glasses.

Well, I will, whenever I really need them.

( sighs )

I think you're being dumb.

But they're your eyes.

Ciao.

Ciao?

Jan? Jan!

Jan, look out!

( crash, glass breaks )

Are you all right?

Yeah, I, I think so.

Let me look.

Yeah, I just...

I guess I just misjudged the distance.

Yeah... hey, no wonder.

Why aren't you wearing your glasses?

Is my bike okay?

( gasps )

Oh, no!

Oh, no!

Dad's anniversary gift to Mom!

Boy, have you done it.

It's ruined!

Maybe it's in the closet.

Maybe what's in the closet?

Whatever it is you're looking for.

I was looking...

for my blue sweater.

Ah, my blue sweater.

Yeah, your blue sweater.

You gonna wear that in the house?

It's kind of warm.

Yeah, maybe you're warm, but I'm very chilly.

Hmm, well, see you downstairs.

( chuckles )

This will never work. Glue will never hold this frame together.

How's it going?

No good.

Oh...

Did you get hold of the photographer?

Yeah, but remember how mixed up he was

when we took the pictures?

Yeah.

Well, he's still mixed up.

What's that supposed to mean?

He can't find the negative.

You mean he lost it? Yeah.

He says it's his fault so if we want

to take a new picture,

he won't charge for the new negative.

PETER: Hey, great!

Yeah, but he has to charge for the new picture.

Hey, great.

We can't ask Mom or Dad for money.

Well, maybe if we all chipped in, we'd have enough.

Well, I could pay you back a little at a time-- I promise.

I'd be glad to, but I'm all tapped out

on Mom and Dad's anniversary gift.

Me, too. I got 12 cents left.

Compared to me, he's rich.

Jan, I wish I could help, but I just...

I know, Mom and Dad's anniversary present.

Yeah.

Hey, I could let you have my coin collection.

You could?

Yeah, but I haven't started it yet.

Well, I think I know where I can get the money.

Where?

Just have everybody meet me

at the photographer's tomorrow right after school.

And tell them to wear the same clothes

so that nobody will be able to tell it's a different picture.

But, Jan, where are you going to get the money?

What does it matter, as long as I get it?

Hey, where you going all dressed up like that?

Uh, well, I got this date to take this chick

down to the pizza place, Alice.

The pizza place... dressed like that?

You don't know what a great chick this is.

It took me weeks just to get introduced to her.

Oh, not you.

Not Greg Brady, the Casanova of Clinton Avenue.

Well, she's real popular.

So I figure I better look really heavy.

Hmm. I look really heavy no matter what I wear.

I'll see you later.

Anchovies away!

ALICE: Hey!

Hey, wait a minute, you guys.

Where do you think you're going in your good clothes?

Uh... out to play.

Uh, yeah, play.

Since when do you get dressed up to go out and play?

Well, you see, our play clothes are clean

and these good clothes are kind of dirty,

so we don't want to get our play clothes dirty.

Right, Bobby?

Uh, yeah, this way we just get

our good clothes dirtier.

And you don't have to wash our play clothes.

Yeah. Bye, so long.

Bye.

I think I detect a little fancy footwork here.

( door closing )

( vacuum whirring )

Well, what perfect timing.

My, don't we look pretty?

Well, thanks, Mom.

Yeah, thanks.

Well, see, kids today are always wearing jeans

and stuff like that,

and we figured that it'd be fun to get all dressed up,

like going to a party.

JAN: Well, we don't want to be late.

See you.

No. Come on, Cindy.

Late? Late for what?

Alice!

Alice, why are those girls so dressed up?

Beats me, Mrs. Brady.

Everybody suddenly decided to get dressed up.

All right, children.

A nice big smile.

That's it... hold it.

Wait a minute. What's wrong?

I don't think we're standing

the same as we did last time.

JAN: You're right!

I was standing on the other side of Cindy.

Hey, yeah. Remember?

Children.

Children.

I took the picture

and I remember your positions exactly.

How were we?

You were exactly...

like you just said.

I'm sure that's it.

Okay, sir, we're ready.

All right, children.

Let's see those pearly teeth now.

And ready...

and set, and...

You got film in the camera?

Of course I have film in the camera.

Color film?

Yes. Color film.

Yes. Color film.

All right.

Ready and set...

Now smile like last time.

Ready?

ALL: Cheese...

That's it.

( click )

Alice, maybe I ought to fix Mr. Brady something,

you know, a little special this morning.

Special?

Well, it is our anniversary.

As if you didn't know.

Congratulations, Mrs. Brady.

Thanks.

Mr. Brady sure is playing it cool.

Well, you know how husbands are.

No, I don't know how husbands are.

But I'm dying to find out.

Good morning, Alice.

Ah, honey, how would you like

to have something really special this morning?

Special?

Why should I want anything special this morning?

Well, because it's such an especially nice day.

Oh, well, if you've seen one especially nice day,

you have seen them all.

Ah, but this is a special especially nice day.

That's funny.

It fell right on our anniversary.

Oh, Mike Brady, sometimes I could strangle you.

You're doing a pretty good job of it right now.

Happy anniversary, darling.

Mmm, happy anniversary.

ALL: Surprise!

BOBBY: Open mine first!

JAN: No, mine, ladies first.

CINDY: No, little ladies first.

How about husbands first?

GREG: Here you go.

Congratulations, Dad, Mom.

Oh, well, help me open it, Mike.

Okay.

Oh, it's marvelous.

Oh, well, how did you ever sneak out

and get it done?

Oh, we Bradys move in mysterious ways.

Oh, there's nothing I'd rather have.

Oh, Jan, you wore your glasses.

Uh-huh.

CAROL: Well, come on, everybody.

Let's find a place to hang it.

( all shouting agreements )

MIKE: Jan!

Yeah?

Sit down, honey.

Isn't there something you should explain to me?

What, Dad?

When we had that picture taken,

you didn't have your glasses yet.

Didn't I?

No, you didn't.

That can't be the same picture, can it?

It isn't, Dad.

But it wasn't the other kids' fault.

I ruined the first one because I wasn't wearing my glasses.

I ran into it with my bike, in the garage.

Jan, you know you're lucky you only ran into the picture.

You could have run into something much worse,

like a car.

I'm sorry, Dad.

I'll wear my glasses from now on,

whenever I'm supposed to, I promise.

Well, as a little reminder,

I'm afraid I'm going to have to ground you.

Two weeks.

No bicycle.

Dad, could you make it something else?

You can't ground me from riding my bicycle.

Oh, yes, I'm afraid I can.

Well, I don't have a bicycle anymore.

I sold it to pay for the new photograph.

Well, all right.

I guess that's punishment enough.

Maybe we can even find some way

to buy that bicycle back.

Oh, I know a way we can get the money.

You do? How?

I could sell my glasses.

( chuckling ): No.

Oh, honey, it's-it's drooping just...

yeah, on the left there.

Oh, that's perfect.

Alice, isn't that a lovely picture?

Oh, lovely.

A lot nicer than the one I just got.

What picture is that, Alice?

The X ray from my dentist.

When you took me there for my toothache,

I was just kidding, but he wasn't.

He found three cavities.

( laughing ): Oh, Alice.