Original subtitles

♪ Here's the story ♪

♪ Of a lovely lady ♪

♪ Who was bringing up ♪

♪ Three very lovely girls ♪

♪ All of them had hair of gold ♪

♪ Like their mother ♪

♪ The youngest one in curls ♪

♪ It's the story of a man named Brady ♪

♪ Who was busy with three boys of his own ♪

♪ They were four men living all together ♪

♪ Yet they were all alone ♪

♪ Till the one day when ♪

♪ The lady met this fellow ♪

♪ And they knew that it was much more than a hunch ♪

♪ That this group ♪

♪ Must somehow form a family ♪

♪ That's the way we all became the Brady Bunch ♪

♪ The Brady Bunch ♪

♪ The Brady Bunch ♪

♪ That's the way we became the Brady Bunch. ♪

Captioning sponsored by PARAMOUNT TELEVISION

Thank you.

Here's my essay, Mrs. Watson.

Thank you.

Oh, what a splendid title, Jan.

"What America Means To Me."

I hope the judges like it.

I hope so, too.

Incidentally, I'm very pleased

with the way that your work has been improving, Jan.

Thank you.

Of course, I always expect great things from a Brady.

Oh?

Your sister Marcia

was one of the best students I ever had.

I know, you've told me.

And I'm sure that if you try hard enough

you can do as well as your sister.

Thank you.

I'll see you tomorrow.

Hi, Jan.

Hi, Marcia.

Hello, Mrs. Watson.

Oh, Marcia, we were just talking about you.

Yeah.

Hey, wait a minute.

I stopped by to walk home with you.

I think I can do that all by myself.

Gee... I wonder what's bugging her.

Mother?

Mom?

Hi, honey.

Mom, have you seen my awards?

They're not on my shelf.

No, I haven't.

Well, they were there

when I left for school this morning.

Well, maybe Alice took them down to dust them.

That must be it. Thanks.

Alice?

Oh, yeah?

Did you take my awards down to dust?

No, I didn't, Marcia.

They were in the usual place

when I cleaned this morning.

Well, they're not there now.

We'll find them, sweetie.

A whole lifetime of achievements were on that shelf.

All my years of hard work.

All my awards.

Gone, gone, gone.

And you never got a dramatic award?

Alice, it isn't funny.

Well, they've got to be around somewhere, honey.

What about the boys?

Maybe they're pulling one of their jokes.

The boys...

they sure do have a dumb sense of humor.

You missed again, now watch me.

Let the master show you how to do it.

Haha, I can do that without being a master.

What me you guys.

Any questions?

Marcia: All right you guys,

Which one of you took 'em?

Took what?

You know what.

Marcia, we didn't take anything and we are trying to play ball.

They're just trying, I know how.

Hey gimme it.

(All yelling)

Nobody gets the ball until I get straight answers.

(All yelling)

Hey, what is all the yelling about?

She stole our ball.

I'm just trying to find out what they did with my school awards.

They took them from my room.

We did not.

At least I didn't.

Me neither. I wouldn't touch them.

I can't even reach them.

Well fellas, lets stop kidding around huh.

Honest Dad, I didn't lay a hand on them.

Me neither.

I'm too short.

Marcia: Well somebody took them.

Mom hasn't seen them nor either has Alice.

All right honey, don't worry.

I'm sure we will find it... Here..

Marcia, were the boys responsible

for the missing awards?

Well, they said they weren't.

Marcia, if you're through with these

can I have them?

Where did you find my awards, Cindy?

In the closet in my room.

The closet?

What on earth were they doing there?

Hey, I could scratch your name off, Marcia, and put mine on it.

Sorry, Cindy.

Cindy Brady. Class President.

Hey, that would be really neat.

I wonder how they got in the closet.

Thanks for finding them, Cindy.

You're welcome.

I wonder who could have done that, Mike?

I don't know, honey.

Everybody's denied it

I guess except one person-- Jan.

But why would Jan do it?

That's a good question.

Oh, Jan, did you put these awards of mine

in the closest?

What if I did?

Well, why would you do a thing like that?

Because I felt like it, that's why.

What kind of a dumb reason is that?

I want to know why you did it.

It's none of your business.

Jan, wait a minute!

I don't care to discuss it.

Come back here!

Hand me a screw you would you?

sure.

Marcia: Well you must admit it was a stupid thing to do.

Jan: So I'm goofy, what is that to you?

Marcia: You can at least tell me why.

Hand me another screw would you.

(Jan and Marcia continue to argue)

I don't have to tell you anything.

Oh, hi.

What's all the yelling up there?

What's wrong?

Oh, nothing. Nothing at all.

Uh-huh. That's the kind of nothing

that bothers me the most.

Come on.

I didn't hurt the awards.

Marcia always makes such a big deal out of everything.

Jan, if those had been your awards

and Marcia had dumped them somewhere

wouldn't you be upset, too?

I guess.

But every time Marcia turns around

they hand her a blue ribbon or something.

Oh, now, Jan, you know that isn't so.

Marcia's worked very hard for those things.

Well, all I hear all day long at school

is how great Marcia is at this

or how wonderful Marcia did that.

Marcia, Marcia, Marcia.

Now, sweetheart...

JAN: All those awards

staring me in the face was too much.

I'm tired of being in Marcia's shadow all the time.

Now, Jan, you're not in anybody's shadow.

Well, Marcia's three years older than you.

She should have more to show for herself.

Maybe. But everything comes so easy for her.

Oh, Jan, come on. You have to be realistic about this.

Nobody, nobody, has smooth sailing all the time.

Well, that's right.

Marcia has her disappointments, too.

She doesn't always win.

You'll never guess what.

I just got a call from the school.

I've been made editor of the school newspaper!

That's fine, honey.

That's great, Marcia.

I've got to call Jennifer.

She'll just flip.

See what I mean?

She wants to be editor-- boom, she's editor.

Jan, you're really not being fair.

You know that Marcia's been working on that for months.

Look, honey, now, if you really feel

you're in your sister's shadow

do something about it.

Get out and develop your own talent.

That's right, Jan.

Some of us are good at one thing

and some of us are good at another.

It's like your father and I always say

find out what you do best

and then do your best with it.

Maybe you're right. But what can I do best?

Well, if you keep your eyes open

I'll bet you something will present itself.

This is the opportunity

I've been waiting for, Katie.

Hey, I think I'll try out for pom-pom girl, too.

I'm going to start practicing right after school.

That's one thing my sister's never done--

been a pom-pom girl.

Oh, do you have one of those sisters, too?

Have I ever.

But I'll show her.

Alice, the news can't be all that bad.

Well, you know what they say--

no news is good news.

What are you cutting up the papers for?

I'm not cutting up papers.

I am creating.

Creating? Creating what?

Pom-poms. Jan wants to join

a pom-pom squad at school.

She wants to practice,

so I am creating pom-poms.

Oh, now I get it.

The strips of paper, you tie them to the spoons

and pom-poms.

Oh, well, now that you've got the idea in your heads,

hey, how about a little help?

Sure.

This is fun.

You know those pom-pom girls are really important.

Last year our team was terrible.

The cheers were great.

You know like what for instance?

I said hey hey

What do you say?

Who's going to win the game today?

I say ho-ho what do you know?

The score we got is goin grow.

I say hey, hey, ho, ho,

come on team let's go, go, go!

Hey that's great.

Go, go, go.

Oh, I hate to say it fellas,

but I think we did it better in my day.

Yea? Like what?

Oh well uh...

Popcorn, peanuts, onion soup!

We want a touchdown, boop-boop-de-boop.

boop-boop-de-boop?

I think that is a little old fashion Alice.

Well in my day, it was a right on as Heavy Man is today.

Hey, I heard a great cheer in basketball the other day.

But I'll need some help from you guys okay?

sure.

Give me a "B!"

"B!"

Give me another "B!"

"B!"

Give me another "B!"

"B!"

What does it spell?

What does it spell?

What does it spell?

(rasping sounds with "B's")

That was a really great one Bobby.

Hey, hey! There they are.

They are finished. How do they look?

Great!

Why don't you try them?

Okay, Hey!

How can you practice being a pom-pom girl

without any pom-poms?

Alice is making me some.

Well, I've heard of flying saucers,

but shoes?

I was just warming up, Mom.

ALICE: Anyone for pom-poms?

Those look like mops, Alice.

When they're down here they're mops.

When up here, they're pom-poms.

Alice!

It's the best I could do in short notice.

Thanks, Alice.

Well, come on, honey, let's see you do your stuff.

Okay, Cindy... now.

( "Washington Post March" playing )

( chuckles )

Well, she certainly is working hard at it.

I sure hope she makes it, Dad.

Yeah.

Hey, maybe I could give Jan a few pointers

and show her some steps I learned

when I was trying out for pom-pom girl.

Marcia, now I know you want to be helpful,

but I think under the circumstances

you better not, hmm?

Yeah. I'm the last person she'd want help from.

But I sure am rooting for her.

Well, I think she'd like to know that.

Why don't you tell her?

I sure will.

( music stops, applause )

Oh... hey, that's good!

Oh, thanks.

Boy, you've been working.

Yeah, but I still have to practice a whole lot.

Oh, that's okay.

Jan?

Yeah?

I was watching you rehearse before.

I just want you to know I think you're doing great.

You really do, Marcia?

You might even be chosen to be the leader, Miss Pom-Pom.

Wow. Thanks.

Well, I just wanted you to know how I felt.

That's all.

That means a lot to me, Marcia.

( "Washington Post March" playing )

It's really hard to do it by myself.

There's supposed to be three other girls.

What do you think you're doing?

We're just trying to help.

That's all.

Hey, that's a great idea.

Bobby, you get over there

and, Peter, you stand right there.

Jan could use some help.

Oh, yes, you boys will make lovely pom-pom girls.

I'm not gonna be any pom-pom girl.

I'm not even gonna be a pom-pom boy.

I really could use some help.

Well, I'll lend a leg.

I once won a twist contest.

Oh, I may have one good kick left.

Okay, now what do we do?

This is a different one.

Okay, so we go, right, left, right, kick.

Left, right, left, kick.

Hey, this is fun.

Come on, Alice. Get up there.

Whoo!

Oh, oh, uh-oh.

What's the matter?

That's my two-way stretch.

I think it just went three ways.

( marching music playing )

Thank you, that was very nice.

The last girl up is Jan Brady.

Ready, Jan?

Yes, ma'am.

( march playing )

Thank you, Jan.

You were all wonderful, girls.

But, as you know, we only need four pom-pom girls.

And the ones we've selected to represent the school this year

are Gloria Harper...

Katie Rand...

Judy Smith...

and Laura Richmond.

Thank you, girls.

That's all for today.

I wanted to go over to try to cheer Jan up,

but I thought I'd just make her feel more upset.

Jan wanted that so badly, too.

She worked so hard for it.

If there was any way I thought I could make her feel better,

I'd gladly give back all my awards.

MIKE: Well, when she gets home

let's not bring up that pom-pom thing.

If she wants to talk about it, she will.

I doubt it. She's absolutely miserable.

JAN: Hi! Have I got terrific news!

You made the pom-pom team.

No. Better.

Remember my essay on Americanism?

It won the contest.

I finished the first in the whole school!

Oh, that's wonderful! Hey, that's great.

Sensational!

After I bombed out in the pom-pom trials

Mrs. Watson was waiting to tell me.

My essay won 98 out of a possible 100 points.

98?

Yes, the highest anybody ever got.

The closest was Nora Coombs with 95.

Oh, Jan, we're so proud of you!

Monday morning, at assembly,

in front of the whole student body,

I'm going to be presented

with a certificate in the Honor Society.

Oh, I'll make that the headline story

in the school newspaper.

Tell me, Miss Brady,

how does it feel to be a celebrity?

No different, darling.

I'm so used to it.

I've been one for almost an hour.

As the mother of a celebrity, Mrs. Brady,

would you care to tell us anything about her childhood?

Oh, yes, I'd love to.

Well, you know, she always was a genius.

She learned to say "mommy" and "daddy"

before she was six years old.

One more question, please.

Sorry, Miss. I cannot go on any longer

it's been a most exhausting day.

Well, everything's back to normal.

Finally, I did it--

something Marcia has never done in her whole life.

98 points.

"Spelling, 15; Grammar, 14; Neatness, 14;

"Originality of Idea, 15; Composition, 15;

Presentation, 10; Literary Style, 10..."

That only adds up to 93.

It is only 93.

I didn't win.

Nora Coombs did.

Jan, everybody thinks you won.

But I didn't.

Nobody but you and I know that.

We're not going to tell, are we?

How can I take an honor I haven't earned?

Listen, they owe it to you.

You should have been a pom-pom girl.

You were the best one there.

Ta-da-da-da-da!

Congratulations,

Honor Society Woman of the Year.

I'm going to bake you a cake

the size of Mount Rushmore,

but much sweeter.

( all yelling congratulations )

Hey, that's great!

Hey, is this it?

Yes, that's it.

I'm not going to steal it.

I just want to see your terrific score.

But I don't want you to smudge it or anything.

98, wow.

I hope I grow up to be as smart as you.

Yeah, you could use it.

Well, congratulations again, Jan.

Yeah, that's really good!

You finally did something Marcia never did.

You're not going to throw that away, are you?

I guess everybody would be awfully disappointed.

Your mother and father would be crushed.

You can't let them down.

Besides, you have it coming to you.

I am happy to say that PTA bizarre raised $87.

For the student activity fund.

The Dramatic Society's annual play

will be postponed one week.

The lab schedules for Science 9B

will be posted on the bulletin boards tomorrow.

And any students wishing to volunteer for Cleanup Week

kindly give their names

to Mrs. Atterbury.

Proud?

Nah.

Now I'm going to turn over the microphone to Mrs. Watson

who has a very important announcement to make

regarding the Honor Society Award.

Mrs. Watson.

( applause )

As you all know, this is the time of year

when our students compete

for a place in the Honor Society.

Wait, Mrs. Watson.

Oh, I'm afraid the announcement

I was about to make has to be changed.

I just learned that an error was made

in scoring the essay contest.

The winner of the Honor Society Award

is not Jan Brady.

It is Nora Coombs with a score of 95.

We will present Nora's award at assembly next week

so her parents can be present.

I wish I had a special award

for Jan Brady

for calling this error to my attention.

She has today set a standard

of sportsmanship and honesty

that truly gives meaning

to the words, "Honor Society."

I'm sure Jan's parents are very proud of her.

Her behavior today should be an example to all of us.

And I wanted to win at something so badly

I didn't know what to do.

Well, Jan, sometimes when we lose, we win.

You really created a sensation yesterday, Jan.

Oh?

Yeah. My room was still buzzing about it today.

Oh, thanks.

Hi.

Hi.

What's the matter with you?

You're the matter with me.

What do you mean?

They changed my room in school today.

I got one of your old teachers.

So what?

She heard about what you did.

Now all I hear all day is what a great sister I have.

Jan, Jan, Jan.

Look, Cindy,

some of us are good at one thing

and some of us at another.

That's right.

So find what you do best and do your best with it.

It isn't going to be easy.

Why not?

I'm good at so many different things.

( humming )

Hi, there.

Hi. You're sure in a good mood.

Yes, I am, and it's all thanks to you.

Me? What did I do?

Well, you cut my housework in half.

How did I do that?

By teaching me those cheers.

Now, you know the way I usually dust--

you know, like this?

Pretty dull work, right? I guess so.

Well now, thanks to you...

Rickety-rack, rickety-rust,

give it a flick and away goes the dust!

Rickety-rack, rickety-rust,

give it a flick and away goes the dust!

Rickety-rickety- rickety-rickety...