Original subtitles

♪ Here's the story ♪

♪ Of a lovely lady ♪

♪ Who was bringing up ♪

♪ Three very lovely girls ♪

♪ All of them had hair of gold ♪

♪ Like their mother ♪

♪ The youngest one in curls ♪

♪ It's the story of a man named Brady ♪

♪ Who was busy with three boys of his own ♪

♪ They were four men living all together ♪

♪ Yet they were all alone ♪

♪ Till the one day when the lady met this fellow ♪

♪ And they knew that it was much more than a hunch ♪

♪ That this group must somehow form a family ♪

♪ That's the way we all became the Brady Bunch ♪

♪ The Brady Bunch ♪

♪ The Brady Bunch ♪

♪ That's the way we became the Brady Bunch. ♪

Captioning sponsored by PARAMOUNT TELEVISION

Hi.

Hi.

Jan, the truth--

do you see anything different about me?

Your right eye looks bloodshot.

I mean my expression.

No.

Oh, good!

I thought the whole world could see it.

Well, let me look again.

Jan, can you keep a secret?

Sure.

You have to give me your solemn promise.

My solemn word.

I'm in love.

Wow!

Who is it this time?

What do you mean, this time?

The others were just schoolgirl crushes.

Is there a difference?

Is there a difference?

Is there a difference

between a shooting star and a firecracker?

Who is he?

Andrew Whittaker.

Is he gorgeous?

Well, he will be

once his complexion clears up.

I'm so happy!

And I'm miserable.

How can you be both?

It's easy when you're in love.

If that's love, I'd rather have the measles.

I'm going to go down for some milk.

Hey, remember--

you swore not to tell anybody.

I couldn't even explain it.

( tape rewinding )

JAN: Who is it this time?

MARCIA: What do you mean, this time?

The others were just schoolgirl crushes.

JAN: Is there a difference?

MARCIA: Is there a difference?

Is there a difference

between a shooting star and a firecracker?

JAN: Who is he?

MARCIA: Andrew Whittaker...

( whistling tune )

What are you doing?

Nothing.

You're not just doing nothing.

You're staring at me.

Why are you staring at me?

You... you look different.

What do you mean, different?

It's... it's hard to explain.

It's like...

like you're happy and miserable at the same time.

Peter Brady, you know something.

Not me.

I don't even know the difference

between a shooting star and a firecracker.

You do know!

Know what?

You know what, what.

Jan.

Jan!

You told, Jan. You told.

What did I tell?

You know what you told.

I did not. I didn't say a thing.

Well, not to me, she didn't.

Hasn't opened her mouth, except to gobble cookies.

Who do you think I told?

You know who, and you know what

and about you know whom.

Now it will be all over... you know where,

and I'll die of humiliation.

Well, whoever it is, they didn't find out from me.

Why don't you tell you know who what's what,

and maybe we can work it out.

If you can't trust you own sister

to keep a solemn promise, you can't trust anyone.

Look, Marcia, I promised not to, and I didn't.

How can you look me straight in the eye

and tell me an outright fib?

Jan, this is the end of our...

of our sisterhood!

I didn't tell!

Honest, I didn't.

What in the world is all that shouting about?

Well, just a little disagreement, Mrs. Brady.

About what?

Well, it seems that Marcia accused Jan

of telling you know who about you know whom,

and pretty soon it will be all over you know what.

Alice, I want to thank you

for clearing that up for me.

Anytime.

What are you doing?

What does it look like I'm doing?

Fixing a clock.

Gee, how'd you ever figure that out?

Boy, you sure are edgy today.

I'm always edgy

when people are breathing down my neck.

Sorry, I can't inhale all the time.

Greg?

Yeah?

Did you want to see me?

Yeah.

Uh, Pete, will you get lost?

I have something important to discuss with Marcia.

It's private.

Sure. I know when I'm not wanted.

What are you doing?

I dropped something.

I want to pick it up. You mind?

GREG: Well, hurry up.

Well, have a nice talk.

Marcia, can I trust you to keep a secret?

My word, unlike some people's,

is as good as gold.

I'm in kind of a jam.

And if Mom and Dad found out about it

I'd get one of those lectures

which I probably deserve,

but which I'm not in the mood for at the moment.

What'd you do?

Last year I had an assignment in English class

to read The Red Badge of Courage.

I got it out of the library, and read it, and then forgot it.

Yeah, some books are like that.

They just don't stay with you.

What I mean is, I forgot to return the book to the library.

You mean it was overdue?

40 weeks.

The fine was like the national debt.

Wiped me out.

I don't see why Mom and Dad should get so mad.

Forgetting to return a library book can happen to anybody.

Yeah, well, this is my third offense this term,

so I'd rather not ask Dad for an advance on my allowance.

If you could lend me enough for lunch money

I'd sure appreciate it.

MARCIA: Okay, I'll lend you the money.

GREG: Thanks, Marcia, and mum's the word?

MARCIA: Mum's the word.

Read any good books lately?

Um, why'd you bring that up all of a sudden?

No reason, just making conversation.

How about last year? Read any good books last year?

I don't remember.

Some older brother you are. You're supposed to set a good example, so I don't end up reading trash.

Read "War & Peace"

How about "The Red Badge Of Courage?"

How about "The Red Badge Of Courage?"

Well I heard it was great. It must be. Because when I went down to the library to get it

the librarian said it's out and hasn't been returned in almost a year!

Marsha!

Did you want me?

Maybe for the last time in my life.

Whats that supposed to mean?

You told Peter, and don't deny it!

I didn't tell him a thing!

So, you told somebody who told Peter!

I didn't tell anybody!

How'd he find out?

I don't know, maybe hes got ESP.

ESP! Marsha, don't just sit there and deny it.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

what are you two arguing about?

Dad, this is kind of private.

Oh, well in that case have a nice argument.

I didn't tell him a thing.

Hey, Sweetheart.

Hi, Honey!

I was just checking my old ski clothes for this weekend, but the moths beat me to it.

Then you could use a new ski coat.

Guaranteed off limits to moths

Aw! thank you! Oh my goodness, what brought this on?

Oh, it's lovely!

Even lovlier when it's on you.

How was your day?

Oh the usual, Marsha and Jan are still fueding.

Hm, that's funny. Marsha and Greg were just fussing and fueding too.

I wounder what thats all about

I havent a clue.

You did!

I didn't

You did too!

I did not!

Hey, what are you two arguing about?

Well, you might as well know.

She told everybody else.

I got called into the principal's office

for chewing gum in class.

That's not exactly the crime of the century.

Well, just the same, a secret's a secret.

I did not say a word.

Anyone for dinner?

If I wanted to tell you know who

about you know what

I would have told you know who myself.

Seems to me I've heard that song before.

What is this, a silent contest?

If silence is golden, this must be worth a fortune.

( laughing )

( clinking glass )

MIKE: Okay, kids, that's it.

You are all released from your vow of silence

and I want to hear a little conversation

and not about the weather.

Well... I confided something in Jan

and she told it to everybody.

You accused me of being a stool pigeon.

You can't trust anybody, Dad.

Kind of makes you mad when your own sister rats on you.

I didn't rat on you.

BOBBY: You did, too. It doesn't matter...

Oh, no, I can't even trust you. You tell everybody

else about it. Marcia, I've told you secrets before,

and I haven't blamed you for... Well, of course, I guess

that's typical from a sister like you...

JAN: ...for telling it around, like you really have.

( kids shouting )

MARCIA: That's not very nice...

GREG: That's the last time I'll tell you anything.

( shouting continues )

( shouting continues )

Guess you're wondering why we've asked you

to this private caucus.

It kind of entered my mind.

From what we've been able to learn,

there's a security leak in the Brady administration.

You seem to come off as Mr. Know-it-all.

Any explanations?

Gee, I didn't think it would turn out like this.

You didn't think what would turn out like what?

Well...

I kind of bugged the rooms with Dad's tape recorder.

You kind of what?!

Peter, why would you do a thing like that?

I only did it for a joke.

You think eves dropping on people's private conversations is a joke?

I mean it to be.

Son, invasion of privacy is a serious offense. People can be sued for that!

You mean my own brothers and sisters are ging to sue me!

Well, simce this is a first offense.

I think they might settle for an apology.

Immediately.

So I'm sorry.

What I did was dumb and stupid,

but I really didn't mean any harm.

So I'd appreciate it

if you'd just forgive me, okay?

Okay. Okay.

All right. Okay.

It was kind of funny anyway.

I forgive you.

Okay. You're forgiven.

Jan, will you ever forgive me?

I don't blame you. It really must

have looked like I snitched. I'm sorry.

That's okay. Want some bubble gum?

Sure. Don't worry about it.

Marcia, I should have known

you're not the kind of a person to...

JAN: Bobby, do you have any extra bubble gum?

CINDY: I've got one more piece...

JAN: Maybe you can go down to the store...

You know, he's getting away with murder.

All he has to do is apologize.

I know. What kind of punishment is that?

None. He'll just do it again.

He probably will.

( sighs )

But there's nothing we can do about it.

Wait. Maybe there is.

What?

Give him a taste of his own medicine.

I mean, if Peter

is so crazy about listening

to other people's conversations on the tape recorder,

why not give him something to really listen to?

Ok, lets give that private ear somthing he'll really enjoy listening to.

Yeah. I'd love to see Peters face when he hears this.

Boy, the Peters a lucky son of a gun, isn't he Marsha?

Whatever do you mean, Gregory?

Cut! Erase. What is this "whatever do you mean, Gregory" stuff?

Well, that's what I was supposed to say!

Yeah, but not like you're the Queen of England. Just be yourself, ok?

Ok.

Boy, that Peter is a lucky son of a gun. Isn't he, Marsha?

What do you mean, Greg?

I mean, Mom and Dad are throwng Peter a surprise party.

Are they really going to !?

Sure! And he deserves it! I mean, Peters been failing geometry all year

and then BANG! He buckles down and brings hme an "A".

Mom and Dad are so proud, they have to do somthing for him.

We should too! Are you going to get him a present?

I sure am! Somthing special!

We should all get him presents.

I just hope he doesnt find out.

Not a chance. Mom and Dad have it worked out great.

They're going to pretend to drive away for their sking trip Friday.

But they're really going to come back for the party.

Gee, thats terrific. Boy, will Peter be surprised.

Okay, Mr. Big Ears,

what's the big idea?

Huh?

Don't give me that innocent jazz.

Haven't you learned your lesson yet?

What'd I do?

Marcia found this under her desk

and it was going.

Well, I didn't put it there.

Sure, you didn't. Now, put it back

in Dad's den, where it belongs,

and don't let me catch you using it again.

Boy, you're sure not the forgiving type, are you?

What was that all about?

GREG: Boy, that Peter's

a lucky son of a gun, isn't he, Marcia?

MARCIA: What do you mean, Greg?

GREG: I mean, Mom and Dad

throwing Peter a surprise party.

MARCIA: Are they really going to?

GREG: Sure. And he deserves it. Wow.

I mean, Peter's been failing geometry

all year, and then, bang, he brings home an "A."

Mom and Dad are so proud, they had to do something for him.

MARCIA: We should, too. Are you going to get him a present?

GREG: I sure am.

Something special. Wow.

MARCIA: We should all get him a present. I just hope he...

You keep looking at me kind of funny.

Am I doing it wrong?

The raised eyebrows are not for how you're doing it

but why you're doing it.

Well, I just think

a person should help another person

whenever he can, that's all.

Like, I loaned my baseball mitt

to a friend who lost his.

The only trouble is, now I don't have one.

I sure could use a new baseball mitt.

Hi, everybody.

Well, Alice, what do you think?

If you're not crowned snow queen, Mrs. Brady,

the fix is in.

You look terrific, Mom.

Thank you very much.

Hope you have a great time at the ski lodge.

( chuckles )

What's so funny?

Nothing.

Well, I've had these ski pants for years.

I'm surprised they still fit.

Well, you watch your figure, Mrs. Brady.

Yeah. I watch mine, too.

And it's done some things that have shocked me.

( whispers ): Oh, Alice.

My only problem is that I'm still growing.

Like last year, my feet were too small

for cowboy boots.

Now they're just right.

Especially brown cowboy boots.

Well, I guess I'll just be moseying along.

( guitar picking western tune )

Brown cowboy boots.

I know a hint when I hear one.

He's also shy one baseball mitt.

But his birthday isn't for months.

I guess he figures shop early, avoid the rush.

What's the matter with that thing?

Dad?

Yes?

I finished waxing your car.

Anything else I can do?

Waxing my car? How come?

Well, all the pollution here

can really ruin the paint.

If there's nothing else

I guess I'll mow the lawn.

It's night.

I doubt if the grass has grown very much

since you mowed it this morning.

You certainly are ambitious today, Peter.

I guess I'm just in a working mood.

Need a hand with the typewriter?

No. I think it's had it.

This carriage is in the last stages

of rigor mortis.

The tab key isn't too well either.

It'd be neat if we had a new typewriter.

I know if I had a typewriter

then you could use it.

Everybody could.

A typewriter would really help

with my schoolwork.

A typewriter is something

a guy can really use.

Hi.

Hi, Pete. Hi.

Anything I can do for you guys?

No, thanks. Me either.

Well, if you need anything, just holler, but holler loud,

'cause I'll be up in my room listening to records.

It won't bother us.

It might, because my records are kind of scratchy and warped.

I sure need some new records.

Yes, sir, I could really dig some new records.

Bye.

Brave hunter, you like Eskimo wife?

Hey, now, that's something.

Yeah. I may lose you to Smokey the Bear.

Well, do you like it?

Yeah. How much it cost?

I borrowed it from Barbara.

( laughs ): I love it.

( laughs )

Oh, I don't know. This thing is hopeless.

You know, I think I'm gonna put my notes on tape.

Honey, you want to hand me the tape recorder

over there on the table?

Sure.

Hey, listen, do you know why

Peter mowed the lawn twice yesterday?

Well, I think he's trying to make up for the trouble he caused

with this thing. ( button clicks )

GREG: ...I mean, Mom and Dad throwing Peter a surprise party.

MARCIA: Are they really going to?

Surprise party?

GREG: Sure. And he deserves it.

I mean, Peter's been failing geometry all year,

and then, bang, he brings home an "A."

Mom and Dad are so proud, they had to do something for him.

MARCIA: We should, too. Are you going to get him a present?

Bye! Have a good time.

We'll be back next Sunday night, okay?

ALL: Okay. Bye!

Sure, you will.

We really got Peter going.

What are you all dressed up for?

Just getting ready.

For what?

Nothing in particular.

When you get to be my age

you kind of go through a neatness period.

Boy, I hope that never happens to me.

Wouldn't hurt you to look a little neater tonight.

You're off your rocker.

MARCIA: The queen can move in any direction, can't she?

GREG: Yes.

MARCIA: I don't think I want to make that move.

Hi. Hi.

You're sure dressed up.

Yeah.

Well, I don't want to interrupt your game.

Think I'll have a glass of milk.

Gee, he's really all charged up

about the party.

I... I feel kind of funny about it now.

Me, too.

Think we ought to tell him the truth?

Pete, we better talk to you about something.

Yeah?

Listen, there's... not going to be

any surprise party.

Surprise party?

Peter, it was a joke.

GREG: A bad one. We were just trying

to teach you a lesson.

MARCIA: So we taped

that stuff about the surprise party

on the tape recorder.

Oh.

Well, I don't blame you guys for being sore.

I guess I really deserve it.

CAROL: Surprise!

Surprise party! Hey, where is everybody?

Kids! Alice!

Peter! Peter!

Surprise!

( all talking at once )

We're having a party for Peter.

JAN: How come?

Because he got an "A" in geometry.

Greg and Marcia said it was a joke.

Oh, it's no joke, honey.

Neat! Gee, we didn't buy any presents.

Oh, yes, you did, and you're gonna be amazed

at what good taste you all have.

Come on. How about opening them up?

We got to get back to the lodge tonight.

Okay. BOBBY: Yeah.

Mom, Dad, how'd you two find out about it?

Well, a little tape recorder told us. ( paper tearing )

That was pretty unfair of you two. Why'd you do it?

Well, Peter really played a dirty trick on us.

And all the punishment he got

was that he had to promise not to do it again.

Well, sometimes a promise is enough.

I think from now on you two had better

leave the discipline to us, okay?

Okay.

We're sorry.

PETER: Wow! Look at this!

KIDS: Whoa! Gee!

A tape recorder of my very own.

Thanks, Mom. Thanks, Dad.

I think you know what to do

with one of those, right?

Say, Pete, do me a favor, open this one next.

It's from me. I'm dying to see what I got you.

( laughing ) You'll love it, Alice.

( tape rewinding )

GREG: Hi, Pete. Hi.

How do you like your new recorder?

It's really neat. And I was just going

to tell you guys if you want to borrow it,

you can borrow it anytime you want.

Thanks. Hey, a thing like that can come in handy.

I mean, for school work and taking notes in class.

Yeah, but it's kind of tricky, so you better be careful.

See this button?

That's what you press when you want to record.

And this button's where you press when you want to listen to what you recorded.

But don't press that button,

'cause I already got some stuff on it.

But you wouldn't be interested in that.

( Peter whistling )

Did you hear that? He's just dying

for us to listen to what he recorded.

Should we listen?

Sure. That's what he wants.

PETER: I, Peter Brady, do hereby solemnly swear

to forgive Greg and Marcia for the crummy thing they did to me.

And shame on you for listening when you shouldn't have.