Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,602 --> 00:00:04,070
♪ Here's the story ♪
2
00:00:04,104 --> 00:00:05,705
♪ Of a lovely lady ♪
3
00:00:06,206 --> 00:00:08,041
♪ Who was bringing up ♪
4
00:00:08,074 --> 00:00:10,143
♪ Three very lovely girls ♪
5
00:00:10,176 --> 00:00:12,679
♪ All of them had
hair of gold ♪
6
00:00:12,712 --> 00:00:14,581
♪ Like their mother ♪
7
00:00:14,614 --> 00:00:17,650
♪ The youngest one
in curls ♪
8
00:00:17,684 --> 00:00:21,654
♪ It's the story
of a man named Brady ♪
9
00:00:21,688 --> 00:00:25,458
♪ Who was busy with
three boys of his own ♪
10
00:00:25,492 --> 00:00:29,129
♪ They were four men
living all together ♪
11
00:00:29,162 --> 00:00:31,498
♪ Yet they
were all alone ♪
12
00:00:31,531 --> 00:00:36,136
♪ Till the one day
when the lady met this fellow ♪
13
00:00:36,169 --> 00:00:39,572
♪ And they knew that it was
much more than a hunch ♪
14
00:00:39,606 --> 00:00:44,277
♪ That this group
must somehow form a family ♪
15
00:00:44,310 --> 00:00:46,846
♪ That's the way we all
became the Brady Bunch ♪
16
00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:49,649
♪ The Brady Bunch ♪
17
00:00:49,682 --> 00:00:51,551
♪ The Brady Bunch ♪
18
00:00:51,584 --> 00:00:57,323
♪ That's the way
we became the Brady Bunch. ♪
19
00:00:57,357 --> 00:01:01,761
Captioning sponsored by
PARAMOUNT TELEVISION
20
00:01:34,828 --> 00:01:36,162
See, it's one
of these.
21
00:01:36,196 --> 00:01:37,130
Boy, it sure is.
22
00:01:37,163 --> 00:01:38,465
It's called
an octopus.
23
00:01:38,498 --> 00:01:39,532
See why?
24
00:01:39,566 --> 00:01:40,767
Yeah.
25
00:01:40,800 --> 00:01:42,302
CAROL:
Yeah, it certainly
looks like an octopus.
26
00:01:42,335 --> 00:01:43,403
It's very dangerous.
27
00:01:43,436 --> 00:01:45,538
The teacher talked
about it in class.
28
00:01:45,572 --> 00:01:48,374
It tells all about it in
the home safety drive stuff.
29
00:01:48,408 --> 00:01:51,811
"Any wall receptacle with more
than two appliances being used
30
00:01:51,845 --> 00:01:54,681
at one time is an overload,
and it can overheat."
31
00:01:54,714 --> 00:01:56,282
Miss Barnaby
says that's why
32
00:01:56,316 --> 00:01:58,451
we're having this
home safety drive.
33
00:01:58,485 --> 00:02:00,720
Let's go
look upstairs.
34
00:02:00,753 --> 00:02:04,190
Ah, listen, those
sockets are full
of electric current.
35
00:02:04,224 --> 00:02:05,358
So be careful.
36
00:02:05,391 --> 00:02:08,261
This home inspection
thing's a good idea.
37
00:02:08,294 --> 00:02:09,762
Yeah, I think so.
38
00:02:11,064 --> 00:02:12,298
Inspection completed.
39
00:02:12,332 --> 00:02:14,767
You can tell the kids
my room is 100% safe.
40
00:02:14,801 --> 00:02:16,136
Yep, so is
the kitchen.
41
00:02:16,169 --> 00:02:18,471
Now that we've gotten
rid of the octopus.
42
00:02:18,505 --> 00:02:20,707
Oh, good.
43
00:02:20,740 --> 00:02:22,675
Octopus?
44
00:02:29,782 --> 00:02:31,751
Peter, what are you
doing home so early?
45
00:02:31,784 --> 00:02:33,720
Why did you
leave Jane's party?
46
00:02:33,753 --> 00:02:36,623
Well, something
happened.
47
00:02:38,224 --> 00:02:40,126
Pete, what happened?
48
00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:42,695
I don't want to talk about it.
49
00:02:44,864 --> 00:02:48,201
Well, something happened
at that party.
50
00:03:04,751 --> 00:03:09,289
Hey, what happened
at the party?
51
00:03:09,322 --> 00:03:13,193
If you really want
to know... nothing.
52
00:03:13,226 --> 00:03:15,028
Nothing?
53
00:03:15,061 --> 00:03:17,730
Nothing. Nobody talked
to me all night.
54
00:03:17,764 --> 00:03:20,767
Aw, go on,
you're exaggerating.
55
00:03:20,800 --> 00:03:23,303
Well, one guy did.
56
00:03:23,336 --> 00:03:25,638
He said...
57
00:03:25,672 --> 00:03:28,174
What did
he say?
58
00:03:28,208 --> 00:03:30,410
He said I have
no personality.
59
00:03:30,443 --> 00:03:33,046
No personality?
60
00:03:33,079 --> 00:03:36,282
See? Nothing, zero.
61
00:03:36,316 --> 00:03:38,318
Let's face it,
I'm dull.
62
00:03:38,351 --> 00:03:39,719
That's ridiculous.
63
00:03:39,752 --> 00:03:42,722
Sure it is. Listen,
you have a good personality.
64
00:03:42,755 --> 00:03:45,091
Parents have to say
junk like that.
65
00:03:45,124 --> 00:03:47,060
Now, Peter, you know
that isn't so.
66
00:03:47,093 --> 00:03:49,829
Turn around, look in there
and tell me what you see.
67
00:03:49,862 --> 00:03:51,664
Same as before:
68
00:03:51,698 --> 00:03:52,732
Dull me.
69
00:03:52,765 --> 00:03:53,600
You know what I see?
70
00:03:53,633 --> 00:03:57,170
I see a fella
who had a crummy time
71
00:03:57,203 --> 00:03:58,438
at a party, that's all,
72
00:03:58,471 --> 00:03:59,839
just like his pop
used to have
73
00:03:59,872 --> 00:04:01,507
when he was his age, hmm?
74
00:04:01,541 --> 00:04:02,675
And like your
mother still has
75
00:04:02,709 --> 00:04:04,477
at certain luncheons.
76
00:04:04,510 --> 00:04:05,645
You'll feel much better
after you have
77
00:04:05,678 --> 00:04:06,746
a good night's
sleep.
78
00:04:06,779 --> 00:04:08,281
Mmm. Your mom's right.
79
00:04:08,314 --> 00:04:10,350
This won't seem like
such a big thing in the morning.
80
00:04:10,383 --> 00:04:12,352
Good night,
and don't forget
81
00:04:12,385 --> 00:04:14,254
to hang that up, okay?
82
00:04:19,726 --> 00:04:21,728
Boy, are you dull.
83
00:04:22,595 --> 00:04:24,797
Well now, I hope these are the
riight plugs.
84
00:04:24,831 --> 00:04:26,666
Just the kind the teacher said
to get.
85
00:04:26,699 --> 00:04:30,403
Instead of that old octopus one.
86
00:04:30,436 --> 00:04:34,807
Did you know that all last night
I dreamed about octopuses?
87
00:04:34,841 --> 00:04:40,747
Octopussies? Octopi?
88
00:04:40,780 --> 00:04:41,748
Oops.
89
00:04:41,781 --> 00:04:43,349
Good-bye,
my darling.
90
00:04:43,383 --> 00:04:44,617
Oh, good-bye, honey.
Have a nice day.
91
00:04:44,651 --> 00:04:46,119
Yeah.
Good luck.
92
00:04:46,152 --> 00:04:47,153
Wait a minute, Dad.
93
00:04:47,186 --> 00:04:48,655
Fore, fore,
fore!
94
00:04:48,688 --> 00:04:50,723
We still have a lot more to
do on our safety campaign.
95
00:04:50,757 --> 00:04:52,558
CINDY:
Here's a whistle.
96
00:04:52,592 --> 00:04:55,161
What am I supposed
to do with this?
97
00:04:55,194 --> 00:04:56,763
You blow it.
98
00:04:56,796 --> 00:04:58,264
I know you blow it.
99
00:04:58,298 --> 00:04:59,499
For what reason?
100
00:04:59,532 --> 00:05:00,733
A fire drill!
101
00:05:00,767 --> 00:05:03,269
We have to have
a fire drill.
102
00:05:03,303 --> 00:05:04,637
Our teacher says
we have to practice
103
00:05:04,671 --> 00:05:06,572
getting out
of the house real fast.
104
00:05:06,606 --> 00:05:08,141
Yeah, that's what I'm
trying to do right now.
105
00:05:08,174 --> 00:05:09,609
Look, we'll have one
when I get back.
106
00:05:09,642 --> 00:05:11,611
I promise, good-bye.
107
00:05:13,513 --> 00:05:21,487
I don't wana talk about it.
108
00:05:21,521 --> 00:05:25,325
Pete, well Pete, if you can't
tell me, what are brother for?
109
00:05:25,358 --> 00:05:26,926
Now come on, what's bugging you?
110
00:05:26,959 --> 00:05:31,564
Well, last night I found out
that I haven't got something
everybody else has.
111
00:05:31,597 --> 00:05:32,665
What?
112
00:05:32,699 --> 00:05:34,300
Something important.
113
00:05:34,334 --> 00:05:35,234
What?
114
00:05:35,268 --> 00:05:37,670
Something real important.
115
00:05:37,704 --> 00:05:38,671
Tell me, will ya?
116
00:05:38,705 --> 00:05:42,575
A personality. I don't have a
personality.
117
00:05:42,608 --> 00:05:44,243
You don't have a what?
118
00:05:44,277 --> 00:05:47,113
I'm dull. (Spelling) D-U-L-L
119
00:05:47,146 --> 00:05:49,615
Oh, for crying out loud. That's
stupid.
120
00:05:49,649 --> 00:05:51,718
(Spelling) S-T-U-P-I-D
121
00:05:51,751 --> 00:05:55,455
No it's not. I'm so dull, I'm
almost invisible.
122
00:05:55,488 --> 00:05:57,056
Come on Pete. You're not dull.
123
00:05:57,090 --> 00:05:59,359
There's lots of guys duller
than you.
124
00:05:59,392 --> 00:06:00,526
Who?
125
00:06:00,560 --> 00:06:06,566
Uh, there's..... I'll think of
somebody.
126
00:06:21,681 --> 00:06:22,482
( whistling )
127
00:06:23,216 --> 00:06:24,150
Ho-ho.
128
00:06:24,183 --> 00:06:25,752
Just blow
right in here.
129
00:06:25,785 --> 00:06:27,620
Okay, okay, we'll
have a fire drill.
130
00:06:27,653 --> 00:06:28,621
( cheering )
131
00:06:28,654 --> 00:06:31,557
( whistling a tune )
132
00:06:35,461 --> 00:06:36,496
( blows whistle )
133
00:06:36,529 --> 00:06:38,131
(Yelling) Okay, everybody
ready?
134
00:06:38,164 --> 00:06:40,199
(From the bedrooms, everybody)
Yea!
135
00:06:40,233 --> 00:06:43,503
Alright, now remember, I'm going
to time us.
136
00:06:43,536 --> 00:06:48,441
Oh, try to act like you don't
know it's coming, see.
137
00:06:48,474 --> 00:06:51,644
Go about your everyday business.
Do what your doing.
138
00:06:51,677 --> 00:06:53,045
Cuz it's got to be natural.
139
00:06:53,079 --> 00:06:57,517
(From the bedroom, Carol yells)
Mike, would you blow the
whistle?
140
00:06:57,550 --> 00:06:59,152
Okay.
141
00:06:59,185 --> 00:07:02,522
(Blows whistle)
142
00:07:02,555 --> 00:07:04,524
KIDS:
Fire drill, fire drill!
143
00:07:04,557 --> 00:07:06,626
( all yelling )
144
00:07:06,659 --> 00:07:08,194
GREG:
Come on, everybody.
145
00:07:08,227 --> 00:07:10,696
( kids yelling )
146
00:07:18,137 --> 00:07:21,007
Alice, what are you doing
out here with that chicken?
147
00:07:21,040 --> 00:07:24,544
Oh... Well, Mr. Brady said
to go ahead
148
00:07:24,577 --> 00:07:27,013
and do whatever you were doing.
149
00:07:27,046 --> 00:07:28,181
Oh, Alice.
150
00:07:28,214 --> 00:07:29,415
Besides, if there'd
been a real fire,
151
00:07:29,449 --> 00:07:31,684
it would've gotten
too well done in there.
152
00:07:31,717 --> 00:07:34,187
Listen, considering this was
our first fire drill,
153
00:07:34,220 --> 00:07:35,488
we didn't do too badly:
21 seconds.
154
00:07:35,521 --> 00:07:37,423
Hey, good, huh?
155
00:07:37,457 --> 00:07:38,558
The next time
the fire drill
156
00:07:38,591 --> 00:07:40,359
has to be a surprise,
right, Dad?
157
00:07:40,393 --> 00:07:41,494
That's what I was
trying to tell you
at the bottom of the...
158
00:07:41,527 --> 00:07:44,397
Right, Mike, next time
we're not gonna get any warning.
159
00:07:44,430 --> 00:07:47,500
Hear that kid? Next time,
you're on your own.
160
00:07:48,267 --> 00:07:49,602
Why didn't Peter
come down?
161
00:07:49,635 --> 00:07:51,204
That's against
the rules.
162
00:07:51,237 --> 00:07:52,472
Mom said he
didn't have to.
163
00:07:52,505 --> 00:07:55,107
Pete's down in the
dumps about something.
164
00:07:55,141 --> 00:07:56,209
What?
165
00:07:56,242 --> 00:07:57,477
Well, the other
night at the party,
166
00:07:57,510 --> 00:07:58,778
some guy told
him he was dull,
167
00:07:58,811 --> 00:08:00,480
that he didn't
have any personality.
168
00:08:00,513 --> 00:08:02,381
And Pete
believed him?
169
00:08:02,415 --> 00:08:03,449
That's silly.
170
00:08:03,483 --> 00:08:04,750
Well, that just
goes to show you,
171
00:08:04,784 --> 00:08:06,486
if you aren't too
careful of what you say,
172
00:08:06,519 --> 00:08:08,387
you can sure hurt
somebody's feelings.
173
00:08:12,124 --> 00:08:14,260
Maybe there's a way
we can help Peter.
174
00:08:14,293 --> 00:08:15,461
Yeah, but how?
175
00:08:15,495 --> 00:08:17,196
Yeah, how?
176
00:08:17,230 --> 00:08:19,398
Well, if one person
can say something
177
00:08:19,432 --> 00:08:22,368
to make someone feel bad,
then maybe another person
178
00:08:22,401 --> 00:08:25,004
can say something
to make him feel good.
179
00:08:27,473 --> 00:08:29,375
Here he comes.
180
00:08:32,712 --> 00:08:34,780
Just don't be
too obvious, Kathy.
181
00:08:34,814 --> 00:08:36,382
Peter's pretty sharp.
182
00:08:38,551 --> 00:08:39,552
MARCIA:
Hi.
183
00:08:39,585 --> 00:08:40,686
KATHY:
Hello, Peter.
184
00:08:40,720 --> 00:08:42,255
Hi.
185
00:08:42,288 --> 00:08:44,257
Pete, what's the name
of that science fiction movie
186
00:08:44,290 --> 00:08:46,626
you were talking about--
the one that's on TV this week?
187
00:08:46,659 --> 00:08:49,195
The Invasion
of the Potato People.
188
00:08:49,228 --> 00:08:50,196
That's it.
189
00:08:50,229 --> 00:08:51,397
What's it about?
190
00:08:51,430 --> 00:08:54,367
Oh, just a dumb old
science fiction movie.
191
00:08:54,400 --> 00:08:55,368
Thank you, Peter,
192
00:08:55,401 --> 00:08:56,602
that was very
considerate.
193
00:08:56,636 --> 00:08:59,238
What was?
I didn't do anything.
194
00:08:59,272 --> 00:09:01,240
You took the trouble
to help us.
195
00:09:01,274 --> 00:09:04,343
Attractive boys
aren't usually so nice.
196
00:09:04,377 --> 00:09:07,046
You're right.
What's the movie about, Pete?
197
00:09:07,079 --> 00:09:09,615
Oh, just
a drippy old scientist.
198
00:09:09,649 --> 00:09:12,118
That sounds so exciting!
199
00:09:12,151 --> 00:09:13,319
Exciting?
200
00:09:13,352 --> 00:09:15,288
It's the way you say it,
I guess.
201
00:09:15,321 --> 00:09:18,190
You know, he has such
a way with words.
202
00:09:18,224 --> 00:09:19,692
I do?
203
00:09:19,725 --> 00:09:21,260
Tell us more.
204
00:09:21,294 --> 00:09:23,329
Well, this scientist is trying
to protect the earth
205
00:09:23,362 --> 00:09:25,398
from these terrible
potato people.
206
00:09:25,431 --> 00:09:28,467
Oh, you make it sound so scary.
207
00:09:28,501 --> 00:09:31,037
Do the potato people
look like potatoes?
208
00:09:31,070 --> 00:09:32,638
Yeah. They've got eyes
all over them.
209
00:09:32,672 --> 00:09:35,074
They're trying to plant
themselves in the earth
210
00:09:35,107 --> 00:09:36,409
and take it over.
211
00:09:36,442 --> 00:09:38,244
I could die!
212
00:09:38,277 --> 00:09:39,845
He's too much.
213
00:09:39,879 --> 00:09:45,084
It's kind of an icky dirt color
with sprouts sticking out of the
potato heads.
214
00:09:45,117 --> 00:09:47,453
I get goosebumps the way you
tell it.
215
00:09:47,486 --> 00:09:49,021
He's so forceful.
216
00:09:49,055 --> 00:09:50,690
What a memory.
217
00:09:50,723 --> 00:09:53,593
The best part is when the
scientist hides behind a rock
218
00:09:53,626 --> 00:09:55,261
like this.
219
00:09:56,495 --> 00:10:00,666
He's trying to wipe out
the potato people.
220
00:10:00,700 --> 00:10:03,035
He injects the ground
with a secret chemical...
221
00:10:03,069 --> 00:10:04,737
Is Peter home
from school yet?
222
00:10:04,770 --> 00:10:07,073
Cindy!
223
00:10:07,106 --> 00:10:08,641
Did Kathy trick him yet?
224
00:10:08,674 --> 00:10:10,543
Did it make him
feel better?
225
00:10:10,576 --> 00:10:12,545
What do you mean, trick me?
226
00:10:12,578 --> 00:10:14,513
Sorry, Marcia.
227
00:10:27,560 --> 00:10:29,462
We were only trying
to help, Pete.
228
00:10:29,495 --> 00:10:32,298
You really did make the
story sound exciting.
229
00:10:50,249 --> 00:10:55,688
Mirror, mirror on the wall,
who's the dullest one of all?
230
00:11:08,401 --> 00:11:10,403
( phone rings )
231
00:11:10,436 --> 00:11:12,138
Hello.
232
00:11:12,171 --> 00:11:13,272
Yes, he is.
233
00:11:13,305 --> 00:11:16,242
Well, may I tell Peter
who's calling?
234
00:11:16,275 --> 00:11:19,178
Oh. Sure, Peggy,
hold on a minute.
235
00:11:19,211 --> 00:11:21,447
Peter.
236
00:11:23,315 --> 00:11:25,117
( louder ):
Peter!
237
00:11:28,554 --> 00:11:31,590
Telephone for you.
238
00:11:37,830 --> 00:11:39,198
Who is it?
239
00:11:39,231 --> 00:11:41,167
It's Peggy.
240
00:11:42,435 --> 00:11:45,571
Hi, Peggy.
241
00:11:45,604 --> 00:11:48,074
When's the party?
242
00:11:48,107 --> 00:11:50,176
Wait a minute, let me check.
243
00:11:55,548 --> 00:11:58,084
Sorry, I'm doing something
that night.
244
00:11:58,117 --> 00:11:59,585
Thanks anyway. Bye.
245
00:12:00,519 --> 00:12:03,556
Peter, why'd you
do that?
246
00:12:03,589 --> 00:12:06,492
Well, how would you like to be
the fourth guy asked to a party?
247
00:12:06,525 --> 00:12:07,560
What difference
does it make--
248
00:12:07,593 --> 00:12:09,528
first, fourth,
or whatever?
249
00:12:09,562 --> 00:12:13,032
Well, anyway, I don't
care if I go or not.
250
00:12:13,065 --> 00:12:15,267
I'm just plain dull at parties.
251
00:12:15,301 --> 00:12:18,204
Peter, if you were
as dull as you
think you are,
252
00:12:18,237 --> 00:12:20,473
would anybody
invite you to a party?
253
00:12:20,506 --> 00:12:22,374
I'm don't think I'm dull.
254
00:12:22,408 --> 00:12:23,476
I know I'm dull.
255
00:12:23,509 --> 00:12:25,144
Well, I think
you've just decided
256
00:12:25,177 --> 00:12:27,480
to feel sorry for
yourself and enjoy it.
257
00:12:27,513 --> 00:12:28,581
You know,
I'm disappointed in you.
258
00:12:28,614 --> 00:12:30,816
You're quitting.
259
00:12:30,850 --> 00:12:34,153
That's not how you
cope with problems.
260
00:12:34,186 --> 00:12:35,521
Stop moping around.
261
00:12:35,554 --> 00:12:38,557
If you don't like your
personality, improve it.
262
00:12:38,591 --> 00:12:39,759
Change it.
263
00:12:39,792 --> 00:12:42,728
If you don't like your
personality, improve it.
264
00:12:42,762 --> 00:12:44,130
Change it.
265
00:12:44,163 --> 00:12:46,165
Dad's right.
266
00:12:46,198 --> 00:12:48,434
But change it to what?
267
00:12:56,509 --> 00:13:00,045
MAN ( with English accent ):
Ah, do you really
think so, Clarette?
268
00:13:00,079 --> 00:13:03,349
WOMAN ( with English accent ):
Now, Donald, don't be modest.
269
00:13:03,382 --> 00:13:05,184
You're so fascinating
270
00:13:05,217 --> 00:13:07,753
it's impossible
to resist you.
271
00:13:07,787 --> 00:13:12,158
Ah, but I am what you compel
me to be, my darling.
272
00:13:12,191 --> 00:13:14,093
( chuckles )
273
00:13:14,126 --> 00:13:18,697
You do love to toy
with people, don't you?
274
00:13:18,731 --> 00:13:24,370
Oh, kiss me, you suave,
hypnotic charmer.
275
00:13:24,570 --> 00:13:26,572
You suave, hypnotic charmer.
276
00:13:31,510 --> 00:13:33,646
Bobby, go on upstairs. You're
not suppose to know.
277
00:13:33,679 --> 00:13:36,148
It's a surprise fire drill
right?
278
00:13:36,182 --> 00:13:40,319
Yes, it is a surprise fire
drill. Go on upstairs.
279
00:13:40,352 --> 00:13:42,321
And pretend you don't know.
280
00:13:48,494 --> 00:13:50,496
I love surprises.
281
00:13:57,870 --> 00:14:00,606
( blows whistle )
282
00:14:01,674 --> 00:14:03,976
( all shouting )
283
00:14:10,216 --> 00:14:13,586
( all shouting )
284
00:14:13,619 --> 00:14:14,553
Well, I don't know.
285
00:14:14,820 --> 00:14:16,188
Peter's not here yet.
286
00:14:16,222 --> 00:14:18,123
Oh, now,
where is he?
287
00:14:20,526 --> 00:14:22,361
Top of the day,
old chaps.
288
00:14:22,394 --> 00:14:24,463
What's the umbrella for?
289
00:14:24,496 --> 00:14:27,032
There isn't even
any clouds.
290
00:14:27,066 --> 00:14:28,567
Peter, what's
the joke?
291
00:14:28,601 --> 00:14:31,036
Joke? It's my new personality.
292
00:14:31,070 --> 00:14:32,538
Don't you like it?
293
00:14:32,571 --> 00:14:35,040
( stifling snickers )
294
00:14:35,074 --> 00:14:36,542
Well,
Peter, it...
295
00:14:36,575 --> 00:14:38,310
You don't like it.
296
00:14:44,216 --> 00:14:46,385
WOMAN ( on TV ):
I shouldn't be
here with you,
297
00:14:46,418 --> 00:14:48,087
yet here I am.
298
00:14:48,120 --> 00:14:50,456
Say something, Joe.
299
00:14:50,489 --> 00:14:52,258
MAN ( imitating Bogart ):
Look, sweetheart,
300
00:14:52,291 --> 00:14:54,593
don't tell me
when to say something.
301
00:14:54,627 --> 00:14:56,295
Joe, I didn't mean...
302
00:14:56,328 --> 00:14:57,796
It's all right,
sweetheart.
303
00:14:57,830 --> 00:15:00,633
Just shut up and kiss me.
304
00:15:07,606 --> 00:15:09,475
If you want me,
sweetheart,
305
00:15:09,508 --> 00:15:11,777
just whistle.
306
00:15:11,810 --> 00:15:15,247
( imitating Bogart ):
If you want me, sweetheart,
307
00:15:15,281 --> 00:15:17,516
just whistle.
308
00:15:27,593 --> 00:15:29,762
( imitating Bogart ):
Hey, Mom.
309
00:15:29,795 --> 00:15:31,730
Hi, Alice.
310
00:15:31,764 --> 00:15:33,132
What's for dinner?
311
00:15:33,165 --> 00:15:34,600
Pork chops.
312
00:15:34,633 --> 00:15:36,669
Pork chops, huh?
313
00:15:36,702 --> 00:15:38,304
What else?
314
00:15:38,337 --> 00:15:39,705
Applesauce.
315
00:15:39,738 --> 00:15:41,140
Pork chops
316
00:15:41,173 --> 00:15:43,242
and applesauce.
317
00:15:43,275 --> 00:15:45,110
Ain't that swell.
318
00:15:45,144 --> 00:15:48,113
Have you got something
stuck in your teeth?
319
00:15:48,147 --> 00:15:49,615
Why do you say that?
320
00:15:49,648 --> 00:15:51,283
MIKE:
Hi, honey.
321
00:15:51,317 --> 00:15:52,484
I'm home.
322
00:15:52,518 --> 00:15:56,355
You say we're
having pork chops
323
00:15:56,388 --> 00:15:58,424
and applesauce
for dinner?
324
00:15:59,491 --> 00:16:01,460
Yeah.
325
00:16:01,493 --> 00:16:03,462
That's swell.
326
00:16:05,397 --> 00:16:06,398
Hi, honey.
327
00:16:06,432 --> 00:16:07,599
Hi, sweetheart.
328
00:16:08,534 --> 00:16:09,768
What's for dinner?
329
00:16:09,802 --> 00:16:13,138
( imitating Bogart ):
Pork chops and
uh, applesauce.
330
00:16:13,172 --> 00:16:14,173
Huh?
331
00:16:14,206 --> 00:16:17,042
Pork chops
and, uh, applesauce.
332
00:16:17,076 --> 00:16:18,711
Isn't that swell?
333
00:16:18,744 --> 00:16:20,479
I think you
need a vacation.
334
00:16:20,512 --> 00:16:22,581
Guess who's, uh,
coming to dinner?
335
00:16:22,614 --> 00:16:24,149
A psychiatrist, I hope.
336
00:16:24,183 --> 00:16:26,752
No, I, uh, I think
it's Humphrey Bogart.
337
00:16:26,785 --> 00:16:29,088
I'm not sure.
338
00:16:35,561 --> 00:16:37,329
Hi, Dad.
339
00:16:37,363 --> 00:16:39,064
( chuckles ):
Hello, Peter.
340
00:16:39,098 --> 00:16:43,035
We're having pork chops
and applesauce.
341
00:16:43,068 --> 00:16:44,136
( chuckling )
342
00:16:44,169 --> 00:16:46,038
Hey, Pete,
that's pretty good.
343
00:16:46,071 --> 00:16:48,374
Of course, there's only
one Humphrey Bogart.
344
00:16:48,407 --> 00:16:51,110
Doubt whether there'll
ever be another one.
345
00:16:51,143 --> 00:16:53,212
You don't like
this new personality either?
346
00:16:53,245 --> 00:16:55,114
Oh, well, that's just
the trouble, Peter.
347
00:16:55,147 --> 00:16:56,715
It's not your
new personality.
348
00:16:56,749 --> 00:16:58,617
It's Humphrey Bogart's
old one.
349
00:16:58,650 --> 00:17:02,454
All the great personalities
belong to somebody else.
350
00:17:02,488 --> 00:17:05,424
Well, why don't you stop
trying to imitate other people
351
00:17:05,457 --> 00:17:08,127
and just develop
your own personality?
352
00:17:08,160 --> 00:17:10,429
It's not going
to be easy.
353
00:17:14,566 --> 00:17:17,736
I hope there is not an old
Dracula movie on tv tonight.
354
00:17:17,770 --> 00:17:20,639
What? You don't like Dracula?
355
00:17:20,672 --> 00:17:22,641
(Imitating Dracula)
356
00:17:22,674 --> 00:17:24,676
Oh you know I can't stand it.
357
00:17:30,082 --> 00:17:33,018
See I added a central court
yard to handle all the traffic
flow.
358
00:17:33,052 --> 00:17:33,819
mmm mmm
359
00:17:33,852 --> 00:17:35,721
Gee, I think
that's very attractive.
360
00:17:35,754 --> 00:17:38,390
Yeah, I think
that helps.
361
00:17:38,424 --> 00:17:41,427
( knocking )
362
00:17:41,460 --> 00:17:42,795
Oh. Come on in,
Peter.
363
00:17:42,828 --> 00:17:45,264
Well, if you're busy,
I can come back.
364
00:17:45,297 --> 00:17:47,399
No, it's okay,
Pete. Come in.
365
00:17:47,433 --> 00:17:49,802
Well... I was
just wondering, uh...
366
00:17:49,835 --> 00:17:51,403
would you like
to hear a joke?
367
00:17:51,437 --> 00:17:52,438
A joke?
368
00:17:52,471 --> 00:17:53,472
Well, sure.
369
00:17:53,505 --> 00:17:55,240
It's probably
not too funny.
370
00:17:55,274 --> 00:17:57,276
Well, why don't you
try us and see?
371
00:17:57,309 --> 00:17:59,511
You don't have to laugh
if you don't feel like it.
372
00:17:59,545 --> 00:18:00,579
Why don't you let us
be the judge.
373
00:18:00,612 --> 00:18:01,980
Let's hear it.
374
00:18:02,014 --> 00:18:03,749
You know why horses
can't go to college?
375
00:18:03,782 --> 00:18:07,619
Um, no. Uh, why can't
horses go to college?
376
00:18:07,653 --> 00:18:09,488
They can't finish high school.
377
00:18:09,521 --> 00:18:10,689
( laughing )
378
00:18:10,722 --> 00:18:12,391
Where'd you hear that?
379
00:18:12,424 --> 00:18:14,326
I got it out
of a joke book I bought.
380
00:18:14,359 --> 00:18:16,228
That's pretty good.
You got another one?
381
00:18:16,261 --> 00:18:18,363
Yeah. If teachers are so smart,
382
00:18:18,397 --> 00:18:20,599
how come
they're still in school?
383
00:18:20,632 --> 00:18:22,668
( laughing )
Hey, if teachers are...
That's pretty cute.
384
00:18:22,701 --> 00:18:25,304
More coffee? What's so funny?
385
00:18:25,337 --> 00:18:27,606
Oh, Peter's really
telling us
386
00:18:27,639 --> 00:18:28,674
some good jokes.
387
00:18:28,707 --> 00:18:31,076
Oh, I love a joke.
388
00:18:31,110 --> 00:18:32,744
Go ahead,
tell another one.
389
00:18:32,778 --> 00:18:35,013
Well, these two guys
meet on a corner,
390
00:18:35,047 --> 00:18:37,416
and one guy
says to the other,
391
00:18:37,449 --> 00:18:39,751
"My brother just got
a job making switches
392
00:18:39,785 --> 00:18:41,420
for an electric company."
393
00:18:41,453 --> 00:18:44,223
And the other guy says,
"Is it steady work?"
394
00:18:44,256 --> 00:18:47,459
And the first guy says,
"No, it's just off and on."
395
00:18:47,493 --> 00:18:48,660
( laughing )
396
00:18:48,694 --> 00:18:49,728
Off and on?
397
00:18:49,761 --> 00:18:51,029
That's very funny...
398
00:18:57,369 --> 00:18:59,671
Do you know what is gray and
stand on jungle fire?
399
00:18:59,705 --> 00:19:01,540
Greg: No, what is gray and
stands on jungle fire?
400
00:19:01,573 --> 00:19:05,611
Smokie the Elephant.
401
00:19:05,644 --> 00:19:08,647
(All laughing)
402
00:19:19,057 --> 00:19:21,527
Tell me, what do you get when
you cross a parrot with a tiger?
403
00:19:21,560 --> 00:19:24,062
I don't know. What do you get
when you cross a parrot with a
tiger?
404
00:19:24,096 --> 00:19:27,699
I don't know either, but when it
talks, you better listen.
405
00:19:27,733 --> 00:19:32,538
(All laughing)
406
00:19:40,679 --> 00:19:41,780
How are
the kids coming
407
00:19:41,813 --> 00:19:43,248
with the
safety campaign?
408
00:19:43,282 --> 00:19:44,283
Oh, we must have
the safest house
409
00:19:44,316 --> 00:19:45,651
in the country by now.
Yeah?
410
00:19:45,684 --> 00:19:49,421
The only thing left
are seat belts for
the dining room chairs.
411
00:19:49,454 --> 00:19:51,223
Don't give that idea
to the kids.
412
00:19:51,256 --> 00:19:52,391
( knocking on door )
413
00:19:52,424 --> 00:19:53,592
Come in.
414
00:19:55,127 --> 00:19:57,095
Can I talk to you for a minute?
415
00:19:57,129 --> 00:19:58,664
Sure. What is it, Peter?
416
00:19:58,697 --> 00:20:00,098
Well... I wanted
417
00:20:00,132 --> 00:20:02,034
to ask you something.
418
00:20:02,067 --> 00:20:03,535
Can I have a party?
419
00:20:03,569 --> 00:20:05,070
A party?
420
00:20:05,103 --> 00:20:06,605
Okay, it's
all right by me
421
00:20:06,638 --> 00:20:08,407
if it's all right
with your mom.
422
00:20:08,440 --> 00:20:09,541
Sure,
I don't mind.
423
00:20:09,575 --> 00:20:10,676
Thanks, Mom.
Thanks, Dad.
424
00:20:10,709 --> 00:20:12,477
What's
the occasion?
425
00:20:12,511 --> 00:20:14,146
I just want to tell a few jokes
426
00:20:14,179 --> 00:20:16,281
and let everybody see
my new personality.
427
00:20:16,315 --> 00:20:20,152
You're coming out
of your shell. That's good.
428
00:20:20,185 --> 00:20:23,322
Well, now that I've got
this great new personality,
429
00:20:23,355 --> 00:20:26,091
why should I waste it
on just the family?
430
00:20:31,296 --> 00:20:32,764
You know, Mike, I think
431
00:20:32,798 --> 00:20:35,234
Peter's jokes
are kind of cute,
432
00:20:35,267 --> 00:20:36,368
but maybe the kids
433
00:20:36,401 --> 00:20:38,503
he invites to
the party won't.
434
00:20:38,537 --> 00:20:41,106
Honey, kids usually
like those kind of jokes.
435
00:20:41,139 --> 00:20:43,709
Besides, he's finally
enthusiastic about something.
436
00:20:43,742 --> 00:20:44,743
It's important.
437
00:20:44,776 --> 00:20:47,346
Well, I guess you're right.
438
00:20:47,379 --> 00:20:49,848
Who knows? Maybe that's
how Bob Hope started.
439
00:20:49,881 --> 00:20:51,250
Ha, ha, ha.
440
00:20:54,453 --> 00:20:55,487
Anybody want seconds?
Thirds?
441
00:20:55,520 --> 00:20:56,755
Oh, yeah.
442
00:21:25,417 --> 00:21:28,086
Hey, everybody, you
want to hear a joke?
443
00:21:28,120 --> 00:21:30,222
( kids shouting
encouragement )
444
00:21:31,423 --> 00:21:34,092
Okay, this man walks
into a restaurant
445
00:21:34,126 --> 00:21:35,527
and he says to the waiter,
446
00:21:35,560 --> 00:21:37,129
"Do you serve crabs?"
447
00:21:37,162 --> 00:21:38,397
And the waiter says...
448
00:21:38,430 --> 00:21:40,365
"Sit down.
We serve anyone."
449
00:21:40,399 --> 00:21:44,069
( all laughing )
450
00:21:44,102 --> 00:21:46,338
( talking,
laughter )
451
00:21:46,371 --> 00:21:48,840
Hey, listen, he's
really killing them.
452
00:21:48,874 --> 00:21:50,275
My son, the comedian.
453
00:21:50,309 --> 00:21:52,144
Yeah.
454
00:21:52,177 --> 00:21:53,679
I guess you all
heard that one.
455
00:21:53,712 --> 00:21:55,280
Well, how about this one?
456
00:21:55,314 --> 00:21:56,648
This lady goes
to the doctor
457
00:21:56,682 --> 00:21:57,783
and she says,
458
00:21:57,816 --> 00:21:59,418
"Doctor, when I get well,
459
00:21:59,451 --> 00:22:01,253
will I be able
to play the violin?"
460
00:22:01,286 --> 00:22:03,055
And the doctor says,
"Of course!"
461
00:22:03,088 --> 00:22:05,090
And the lady says,
"That's great..."
462
00:22:05,123 --> 00:22:07,359
"...'cause I never
played it before."
463
00:22:07,392 --> 00:22:09,494
( all laughing )
464
00:22:09,528 --> 00:22:12,130
He's really
knocking them dead.
465
00:22:12,164 --> 00:22:15,167
Well, I was right--
another Bob Hope.
466
00:22:16,268 --> 00:22:18,670
Sounds like everybody's
having a ball, Peter.
467
00:22:18,704 --> 00:22:20,405
Yeah,
some ball.
468
00:22:20,439 --> 00:22:21,540
What's the matter?
469
00:22:21,573 --> 00:22:23,175
We hear them laughing.
470
00:22:23,208 --> 00:22:25,310
Sure. Every time I
start to tell a joke,
471
00:22:25,344 --> 00:22:28,580
someone else tells
the punch line.
472
00:22:34,820 --> 00:22:38,123
( all talking softly )
473
00:22:50,335 --> 00:22:52,504
What's the matter,
Peter?
474
00:22:52,537 --> 00:22:53,739
Nothing.
475
00:22:53,772 --> 00:22:55,841
Then why are you
sitting by yourself?
476
00:22:55,874 --> 00:22:57,409
That's what you did
at Jane's party last week.
477
00:22:57,442 --> 00:23:00,345
I don't want to ruin
everybody's fun.
478
00:23:00,379 --> 00:23:01,513
I'm too dull.
479
00:23:01,546 --> 00:23:02,714
You're not dull.
480
00:23:02,748 --> 00:23:04,716
I think you're very nice.
481
00:23:04,750 --> 00:23:06,318
You're just saying that.
482
00:23:06,351 --> 00:23:09,020
I am not,
and if you don't believe me,
483
00:23:09,054 --> 00:23:10,322
ask somebody else.
484
00:23:10,355 --> 00:23:12,224
Hey, Judy, come here.
485
00:23:12,257 --> 00:23:13,625
What's up?
486
00:23:13,658 --> 00:23:15,694
Peter thinks
he's dull.
487
00:23:15,727 --> 00:23:18,196
Peter, dull?
That's silly.
488
00:23:18,230 --> 00:23:20,165
That's what I said, too.
489
00:23:20,198 --> 00:23:22,033
Hey, what's going on?
490
00:23:22,067 --> 00:23:23,568
Peter says he's dull.
491
00:23:23,602 --> 00:23:26,071
Isn't that
ridiculous?
492
00:23:26,104 --> 00:23:27,439
It sure is.
493
00:23:27,472 --> 00:23:28,473
Poor Peter.
494
00:23:28,507 --> 00:23:30,609
He must be miserable
in there.
495
00:23:30,642 --> 00:23:32,811
Mm, no, I'm not shy,
I really am dull.
496
00:23:32,844 --> 00:23:34,513
Have you seen
anybody duller than me?
497
00:23:34,546 --> 00:23:36,281
If Peter's miserable,
498
00:23:36,314 --> 00:23:39,084
that is the only way
to be miserable.
499
00:23:39,117 --> 00:23:42,187
( kids talking softly )
500
00:23:45,123 --> 00:23:48,427
( kids laughing )
501
00:23:49,828 --> 00:23:52,197
That's somebody
who's dull.
502
00:23:52,230 --> 00:23:53,465
He's got a harem.
503
00:23:56,234 --> 00:23:58,370
( blowing whistle )
504
00:23:58,403 --> 00:24:00,539
( blowing whistle )
505
00:24:00,572 --> 00:24:03,008
BOTH ( yelling ):
Fire! Fire!
506
00:24:03,041 --> 00:24:04,242
Fire drill! Fire drill!
507
00:24:04,276 --> 00:24:05,343
Get out this way.
508
00:24:05,377 --> 00:24:06,278
Follow me!
509
00:24:06,311 --> 00:24:07,579
( all shouting )
510
00:24:07,612 --> 00:24:09,981
How's that
for a surprise?!
511
00:24:12,317 --> 00:24:14,719
What a dumb time
for a fire drill.
512
00:24:14,753 --> 00:24:17,522
Just when I was having
fun with my five guests.
513
00:24:17,556 --> 00:24:19,524
You had 11 guests,
Peter.
514
00:24:19,558 --> 00:24:22,294
Five. Who counts boys?
515
00:24:22,327 --> 00:24:23,728
( laughing )
516
00:24:23,762 --> 00:24:25,764
He's a chip off
the old block, huh?
517
00:24:25,797 --> 00:24:27,466
Oh, yeah?
Since when?
518
00:24:42,747 --> 00:24:44,316
I was right
all along.
519
00:24:44,349 --> 00:24:45,350
I am dull.
520
00:24:45,383 --> 00:24:47,786
Oh, Peter, don't
start that again.
521
00:24:47,819 --> 00:24:49,488
Oh, I don't mind.
I like it.
522
00:24:49,521 --> 00:24:50,622
You like it?
523
00:24:50,655 --> 00:24:52,624
It's great. My personality's
524
00:24:52,657 --> 00:24:54,226
making me very popular.
525
00:24:54,259 --> 00:24:55,794
Girls love a dull guy.
526
00:24:55,827 --> 00:24:57,095
You don't say?
527
00:24:57,128 --> 00:24:58,096
PETER:
Sure.
528
00:24:58,129 --> 00:24:59,197
They hang around you,
529
00:24:59,231 --> 00:25:01,032
and they try to convince you
that you're not dull.
530
00:25:01,066 --> 00:25:04,002
I'm the first guy invited
to three parties next week.
531
00:25:05,103 --> 00:25:07,572
Well, looks like dull
is in this year.
532
00:25:07,606 --> 00:25:10,609
Why don't you change
your personality, dear?
533
00:25:12,244 --> 00:25:14,713
( mimicking Bogart ):
If you say so, sweetheart.
534
00:25:14,746 --> 00:25:17,182
( mimicking Bogart ):
How about some
pork chops
535
00:25:17,215 --> 00:25:18,483
and, uh, applesauce?
536
00:25:18,517 --> 00:25:20,151
I'd rather have a... kiss.
537
00:25:20,185 --> 00:25:22,120
( in normal voice ):
Oh, the first time
538
00:25:22,153 --> 00:25:24,089
I've ever kissed
Humphrey Bogart.
34634
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof