Original subtitles

♪ Here's the story ♪

♪ Of a lovely lady ♪

♪ Who was bringing up ♪

♪ Three very lovely girls ♪

♪ All of them had hair of gold ♪

♪ Like their mother ♪

♪ The youngest one in curls ♪

♪ It's the story of a man named Brady ♪

♪ Who was busy with three boys of his own ♪

♪ They were four men living all together ♪

♪ Yet they were all alone ♪

♪ Till the one day when the lady met this fellow ♪

♪ And they knew that it was much more than a hunch ♪

♪ That this group must somehow form a family ♪

♪ That's the way we all became the Brady Bunch ♪

♪ The Brady Bunch ♪

♪ The Brady Bunch ♪

♪ That's the way we became the Brady Bunch. ♪

Captioning sponsored by PARAMOUNT TELEVISION

Is it ready yet?

Can't you see

we still have to decorate it?

I mean, does the dunking part work?

Oh, you bet it does.

Believe me... Watch it, Pete.

Believe me, if you hit that bull's-eye...

splat! Down you go.

Boy, this is going to be the best booth

in the whole school carnival.

Step right up, folks, step right up

to the Brady booth,

and for ten cents--

for the tenth part of a dollar--

let's see who can dunk the, uh...

dunkee, whoever he is.

It wouldn't hurt you

to do a little work on it.

ALICE: That's fair.

Hi, Greg.

Hey, Greg, what's the matter?

Who said anything was the matter?

Well, if nothing's the matter,

what are you so sore about?

Nothing. Ah, come on.

If you tell someone, you're supposed to feel better.

The coach took me

off the first-string basketball team.

No wonder you're sore.

Now I'm sore, too.

You know who beat me out?

Who? Warren Mulaney.

Warren Mulaney?

That's the same guy who beat you out

for student council president.

Some president.

He got elected by making

a lot of phony promises he didn't keep.

How did he get to be first string?

By buttering up the coach.

And then when the coach isn't looking,

you should see the way he goofs off.

Boy, he really is a phony.

He's a bummer, all right.

The crumb bugs me worse than anybody I know.

You name it-- anybody.

Jan, guess what.

Okay, I'll guess.

What?

I just got asked for a date

to the pizza parlor.

So what's such a big deal?

By a high school boy.

You're kidding!

No.

He's coming by after dinner.

Your first high school date.

But where did you meet him?

On the way home from school.

What's his name?

Warren Mulaney.

Wow!

Come on Greg, we are about to start decorating

the dunking machine.

You don't need me.

Sure we do.

What? You got a problem?

Yeah...

Well, you run down, I'll be down there in a minute.

Okay, the one that does the most work gets

to be dunked first.

Sounds fair to me.

Well, what's the problem?

You know that guy who beat me up for student counsel?

Oh yeah, what was his name?

Warren Maloney.

Bugs me just to say it.

Well, what about him?

Today he beat me up for first string on the basketball team.

oh..

I'm sorry about that.

You can't win them all, you know that don't you?

Dad, he is always beating me out on something.

I don't mind getting beat out but

he doesn't play fair.

phone, buttering up, conniving

Mike: Oh Greg come on, don't let it get you down.

Look, if that is the case the coach is going

find out sooner or later.

And how does that help me now?

Every dog has its day.

I'm not so sure with a dog like Warren.

Haha, cheer up. Come on

down and help us if you feel like it.

Marcia, Jan... How about some help with the carnival booth.

We are coming Dad.

Do you think Mom and Dad will let you go out with a high school boy?

Why not?

As long as he is real nice.

Well, is he?

He seems to be.

I wonder if Greg knows him..

You go on, I'll be down in a minute.

Greg? Can I talk to you for a second?

What about?

Well, this real cool guy asked me

to go to the pizza parlor with him.

So?

He's in high school.

Congratulations.

Well, he's in your class and I thought if you knew him,

you could tell me what he's like.

Every guy in my class is okay

except one-- Warren Mulaney.

As far as I'm concerned,

he's public enemy number one.

Well, what's the matter with him?

I guess you didn't hear.

That worm beat me out for first string on the basketball team.

Gee, Greg, I'm sorry.

That guy is at the top of my crumb list.

In fact, he's at the bottom of my crumb list, too,

and he's every crumb in between.

Mom?

Hmm?

A boy from high school asked me to go to the pizza parlor.

Ooh, a high school boy.

Aren't we growing up?

Before you know it, it'll be college boys.

This one's just a high school boy.

Can I go?

Well, I think it'll be okay,

but we would like to meet him first.

I told him to come on over.

If we can go, great.

Fine.

There may be one little problem, though.

Oh? What's that?

Greg doesn't like Warren.

That's his name-- Warren Mulaney.

Why doesn't Greg like him?

Warren took his place on the basketball team.

Well, I'm... I'm afraid that's Greg's problem.

It really isn't yours.

I know it and you know it.

I just hope Greg knows it.

Thanks Cindy.

You're welcome

Do I look okay?

uh-huh.

Is that the new style?

Is what the new style?

Wearing two different shoes.

Thanks Cindy.

I guess I am a little nervous about Warren.

If he makes you nervous, why are you going out with him?

It's not him, it is how Greg feels about him that makes me uptight.

Are you going to let him kiss you good night?

That is none of you business.

I know, I just thought I'd ask anyways.

Okay, paprika...

( muttering softly )

okay...

cu... cumbers...

Hi, looking for something?

Greg.

Warren will be here any minute

and I want to keep them apart.

Well, Greg went to the library.

Oh, good.

Well, I don't know, I think he went

to pick up a book on witchcraft.

You will let me know if Prince Warren turns into a frog.

( laughing )

That was just a joke, honey.

Not to me, Alice.

Sorry.

( doorbell rings )

That must be Warren.

Uh... margarine, margarine.

Hi, Alice, I'm home.

Hi.

Don't go in there.

Why not?

Uh... pie. Pie-- you didn't have any pie after dinner.

You rushed right out to the library.

Sure I had pie.

I even had seconds. This'll be my third helping.

Well, this will be your third on firsts,

but it's only your second on seconds.

Huh?! Well, the pieces you had at dinner

were first and seconds, right?

So this will be your third on firsts

or your second on seconds.

Alice, I think you're a little pie-happy.

Well, anyway, have another piece.

It's an end cut, you'll just love it.

Why don't you sit down?

I'll get my parents.

Okay.

Who are they?

That's a new group called "the nosy bodies."

Cindy, would you ask Mom and Dad

to come down?

Okay.

Thanks, Alice.

I guess I better get up to my room now and study this.

I got a test tomorrow.

Wait a minute. Uh...

What's the matter?

Uh... ice cream.

Oh, that pie was supposed to be à la mode.

You got cheated on every piece you had.

So I'll get it. Look, the way I figure it,

you've got about a half a gallon coming.

Honest, Alice,

I couldn't eat another bite.

I guess my worst subject's history.

I get confused with the dates and...

Marcia?

Hi, Greg!

What's he doing here?

Warren's taking me

to the pizza parlor tonight.

He's the guy you were talking about?

Yeah.

Well, you can tell him to leave before I throw him out.

Greg, what are you so sore about?

Mom, Dad, I'd like you

to meet Warren Mulaney.

Warren, this is my mom and dad.

Hello, Warren.

CAROL: It's nice to meet you.

WARREN: It's nice meeting you, too,

Mr. and Mrs. Brady.

CAROL: Oh, yeah, Martha.

Oh, sure, the kids can hardly wait.

Well, the junior high school carnival

is the highlight of the year for them.

Mm-hmm, yeah.

Well, hold on just a second, Martha.

I'll ask him, okay?

Martha wants to know

if the dunking machine's ready.

The dunking machine is ready, Martha.

Yeah. Did you hear that, Martha?

Yeah, the dunking machine is ready.

Oh, Martha, you are a devil.

Yeah, that would be funny, mm-hmm.

( silence )

Yeah, uh-huh, yeah, Martha, yeah.

Honey, would you come here?

Well, look, Martha, I have to go.

Mike's calling me.

Uh-huh, I think something's burning.

Yeah, sure, I'll do that.

Okay, Martha, bye.

You know what she said? No.

She thought it would be fun

to get the principal on the dunking machine.

Empty every piggy bank in the school.

You know what I think? I think it would be fun

to get Martha on the dunking machine.

She never stops talking.

MARCIA: Good night, Warren,

and thank you.

Hi, honey.

Did you have a good time?

Well... it was okay.

That's all? Just okay?

Yeah, you know, I thought, "Wow, a high school boy,"

but Warren's just the same

as the boys in my junior high class,

except he shaves once a month.

Well, maybe you ought to catch him

on the nights he shaves.

Well, he did put on some smelly aftershave lotion.

At first I thought it was the pepperoni pizza he ordered.

Anyway, I was going to invite him

to the school carnival Friday night.

Well, what made you change your mind?

Well, he's not all that great

and I don't see any sense in getting Greg all upset.

Good night.

Good night, sweetheart.

Good night, darling.

Marcia.

Just a minute.

As soon as you're finished,

I want to talk to you.

Good, I want to talk to you, too.

I've decided... I don't care what you've decided.

You better not go out with Warren Mulaney again.

But Greg, I was... No buts about it.

You better not go out with him.

I'm telling you once and for all, okay?!

Since when did you become my boss?

You heard me, Marcia.

Don't go out with him.

And what if I do?

Well, then, Miss Benedict Arnold,

you'll find out what.

( grunts angrily )

BOBBY: I don't want tuna.

I had tuna yesterday.

You have peanut butter and jelly.

Jan has the tuna.

I got the tuna! I wanted peanut butter and jelly.

( younger Bradys arguing )

( all talking at once )

( whistles loudly )

Hold it!

Whatever you have in your hands right now,

that is lunch.

Now, come on, scoot.

You're going to be late for school.

( kids continue arguing )

Thought about what I said last night?

Did you hear me?

I heard you.

Well? What are you going to do about it?

I'm going to ask Warren to go to the school carnival with me.

You're going to what?!

I wasn't going to

until you opened your big mouth.

Now I am!

Marcia, you better not.

Not only that,

I'm going to ask Warren to come home from school today

with me and help me with my homework.

Marcia, you're really asking for trouble.

MARCIA: And just who's going to give it to me?

GREG: You're looking at him.

Oh, I'm so scared!

What is this? A shouting match?

Greg thinks he's my boss.

He thinks he can tell me who I can go out with

and who I can't.

Did you say that, Greg?

MARCIA: That's exactly what he said.

If I go out with Warren or if I ask him to come over

this afternoon, he'd make trouble for me.

Marcia, I think you're going to be late for school, honey.

Come on. I guess I better get going, too.

I think you have a little time left.

Sit down.

You didn't answer my question.

Yes, sir, I said that.

Listen, Greg, it's not for you

to tell Marcia who to go out with.

Mom, can you imagine how I felt when I saw that guy--

my worst enemy-- right here in my own home?

This is Marcia's home, too,

and as long as your mother and I approve,

she can invite anyone over that she wants to.

Is that clear?

Yes, sir.

Okay.

Does that go for the rest of us, too?

Sure, it does.

There aren't any special rules just for Marcia.

Great.

Now, what was that turnaround all about?

What's so great?

I don't know...

And I'm not sure I want to find out.

Why can't I go first?

Because it is ladies first.

You can be next Bobby.

I want to go first.

Knock it off, when are you going to grow up?

When I get older.

Okay, you all set?

mmm-hmmm

Okay, let her rip Peter.

Wait til I get out of here when I take a bath

I want hot water, a little

of privacy and a lot of bubbles.

Okay, here it comes.

Cindy: You missed.

Oh come on. Give me a chance.

I'm not warmed up yet.

( screams )

Hang on, honey.

Here comes the Coast Guard.

My turn now.

Did you see that?

Right smack in the middle.

Yeah. Vida Blue better start worrying

about his job.

Why can't I do it again?

Because it's my turn.

Yeah. Only one dunk to a customer.

And besides, you promised to help me

make some cookies for the carnival. Oh, yeah.

Come on.

Okay, Pete, really lay one in there.

I'm ready.

Okay, here it comes.

Come on, hit the target.

I'm trying to.

Peter, it's time to do your homework.

In a minute, Mom.

Not in a minute. Now.

Okay.

Hey, I want to get dunked.

You heard what Mom said.

You make a dumb looking mermaid.

The first Junon nations conference was held in

San Francisco.

Right.

Psst!

Psst!

Jan's at the childish age

where she's big on secrets.

I'll be back in a minute.

What do you want?

Greg's on his way home from school.

Oh, good!

I can't wait to see his face

when he sees Warren here.

You better get a grip on your own face.

He's bringing someone home.

Who?

That girl that beat you out at cheerleading.

Kathy Lawrence.

Kathy Lawrence?!

He knows she's on the bottom of my list.

He's just trying to bug me.

What are you going to do about it?

Nothing.

Not a thing.

Nothing!

I'm not going to let Kathy bother me one bit.

I won't give Greg the satisfaction.

But...

A parallelogram...

A parallelogram...

Oh, yeah, it's a...

Uh... it's a four-sided figure

in which each pair of opposite sides

remains the same distance apart.

Right.

GREG: I'm sure it wasn't too hard for you.

Hi, Marcia.

You know Kathy, don't you?

Why, of course.

It's so nice to see you again, Kathy.

Hi, Marcia.

MARCIA: Oh, this is Warren Mulaney. Hi.

Hi.

Warren's on the first-string basketball team in high school.

Kathy's head cheerleader now.

Oh, congratulations, Kathy.

I'm sorry you didn't make cheerleader, Marcia.

It's really fun.

Oh, well, can't win them all.

Uh...

Come on, Kathy.

Let's go do your homework.

I was sure surprised to see you today.

I didn't think you even remembered me.

How could I forget you?

I mean, I really dig the way you lead those cheers.

No kidding?

Especially that "F-F-F-I-L" one.

Hey, how about doing it for me now?

Here?

I'd feel embarrassed.

Besides, I came over to study.

Please, Kathy, I'd really like to hear it.

And besides, I'm going to help you do your homework.

Well, okay.

F-F-F-I-L

L-L-L-M-O

O-O-O-R-E.

Come on, Kathy.

What?

Really do it.

Are you sure it'll be all right?

Positive.

If you say so.

( loudly ): F-F-F-I-L

L-L-L-M-O...

O-O-O-R-E!

An obtuse triangle is...

Fillmore Junior High!

Louder.

F-F-F-I-L

L-L-L-M-O

O-O-O-R-E!

Fillmore Junior High!

F-F-F-I-L

L-L-L-M-O

O-O-O-R-E!

Fillmore Junior High!

Yay, team! Yay, team!

Yay!

That was terrific, Kathy. That was great.

That was a wonderful cheer, Kathy.

Warren thinks it's better

than the high school cheer for his

first-string basketball team.

I hope you're still not sulking about being replaced.

Would you excuse me, please?

Sure.

Got a second, Marcia?

Got all the time you want.

That was a dirty trick.

Speaking of dirty tricks,

how about you inviting Miss Rah-Rah?

You started it

by bringing over that sardine.

♪ ♪

Hey, honey.

Here you go.

Yeah, yeah. I got it.

Hey, kids, what's going on?

What's the big attraction?

PETER: Hi, Mom, hi, Dad.

Greg and Marcia are really going at it.

JAN: You should hear them.

I never seen them so mad!

About what?

About Kathy Lawrence.

Greg asked Kathy over to bug Marcia

for asking Warren over to bug him.

Sounds like an unpopularity contest.

The whole thing is beginning to bug me.

Can we listen?

No, kids, you stay out here.

How come we always have to miss the good stuff?

Mayday! Mayday!

Anybody?

You started the whole thing

by trying to boss me.

Benedict Arnold, that's who you are.

( door opens )

Hi.

Hi. Think we better have a little talk.

Dad, I've got a guest in the family room.

Your guest can wait.

And Kathy's waiting for me...

Uh, she can wait, too.

After you.

You've both been behaving very badly.

And that's putting it mildly.

Can't you see what you've been doing?

I was fighting with Greg.

But there's something more important here.

You've involved other people.

You've been using Warren and Kathy.

What do you mean, "using" them?

Well, you kept on seeing Warren

even after you said he wasn't all that great.

Yes, did he suddenly get great,

or was he the best way to get back at Greg?

I think Warren had the impression

that you really liked him.

MIKE: What about you, son?

Is Kathy Lawrence really your choice for a date,

or was she just the best thorn you could find

to put in Marcia's side?

Well, I guess

there are other girls I'd rather see.

Can't you see

how selfish and unfair you've been to them?

I don't know what else to say

except I'm sorry.

I am, too.

Well, don't tell us...

tell them.

MARCIA: Alice, do you know

what happened to Warren and Kathy?

Well, like you kids say, they split.

They must have been pretty mad at us.

No, they didn't look mad.

In fact, they looked kind of chummy.

What do you mean, "chummy"?

Well, he said,

"Hey, how'd you like to go to the pizza parlor?"

And she said, "Far out."

And she said,

"How about taking me to the carnival Friday night?"

And he said, "Far out."

He said, "So long."

And I said, "Far out."

I didn't want him to think I wasn't on it.

With it.

With it.

How about that?

I'm really glad for them.

Me, too.

But we still have to apologize.

Let's go down to the pizza parlor.

Far out.

( screams )

Aw, come on, who thought that was funny?

Who's throwing the thing with the baseball?

Hey, that's kind of nice.

Oh, it's marvelous! Whee!

ALICE: Gee, that was a great carnival.

( everyone talking excitedly )

GREG: Who wins a panda bear?

What are you going to do with the goldfish?

Hey, you should look at it

through my magnifying glass.

You'll really think you caught something.

Hey, Alice, you didn't tell us what you got.

Yeah, Alice.

Oh, just a pair of those silly kid trick handcuffs.

Marcia, I'll trade you that for this. Come on, kids, that's enough.

Will you get the lights, Alice?

Oh, sure, Mr. Brady.

Okay, good night.

CAROL: Everybody upstairs.

Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org