All language subtitles for The Brady Bunch_S03E04_The Wheeler-Dealer

♪ Here's the story ♪

♪ Of a lovely lady ♪

♪ Who was bringing up ♪

♪ Three very lovely girls ♪

♪ All of them had
hair of gold ♪

♪ Like their mother ♪

♪ The youngest one
in curls ♪

♪ It's the story
of a man named Brady ♪

♪ Who was busy with
three boys of his own ♪

♪ They were four men
living all together ♪

♪ Yet they
were all alone ♪

♪ Till the one day
when the lady met this fellow ♪

♪ And they knew that it was
much more than a hunch ♪

♪ That this group
must somehow form a family ♪

♪ That's the way we all
became the Brady Bunch ♪

♪ The Brady Bunch ♪

♪ The Brady Bunch ♪

♪ That's the way we became
the Brady Bunch. ♪

( jazzy rendition
of Brady Bunch theme plays )

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

Greg, watch the...

watch out
for the wagon now.

Don't go on the grass.

( sighs )

How did I do?

Well, you did fine.

I'm proud of you.

You really mean it?

Anybody who can navigate
the Brady obstacle course

without a major collision
is ready for anything.

I hope I do as
well tomorrow

when I take that
driver's test.

No, you'll do fine.

(lauging)

I wished you kids would keep the
junk out of the driveway.

Kids? Look who is calling who
'kids'?

When you are old enough to
drive a car, you are not a kid
anymore.

Oh, big man.

For you information, they don't
give a license

to just anybody.

In 24 hours I am going to have
one

that says Greg Brady, qualified
driver.

If you pass the test.

You can't even unbuckle a
seat belt.

Great driver.

(laughter)

Oh, you got it. I've been
looking all over for it.

There sure are a lot of rules
and regulations.

You got to know this whole thing
exactly.

Well, even if I can learn the
written part, I still got to

a problem.

Why is that?

I don't know how to drive.

You never driven?

No, only shopping carts.

over 100,000 miles and only one
accident.

If you want to learn, I can
teach you easily.

Oh you really think so?

Sure, come on.

Use these.

Here's the drivers seat.

Passanger's seat.

I'll fasten my seat belt.

This will be your steering
wheel.

Oh that is some kind of steering
wheel.

Hold it!

What's the matter?

You forgot to turn on the
engine.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Hold it!

What's the matter now?

You can't pull away from the
curb without looking behind you.

the rear view mirror up here and
check over your shoulders.

Now, now! (making car sounds)

Nice, quite the engine.

You're doing fine.

Thank you.

You better watch it now Alice.

You're in the freeway.

Freeway! Oh no, get me out of
this.

Alice! Grab the wheel!

Look out!

What are you doing Alice?

I'm driving.

In the kitchen?

No, on the freeway.

It's my first driving lesson.

We better get out of here.

Yeah, this is no place for
pedestrians.

I thought I heard
the car drive up.

What's taking Greg
so long?

There will be
no living with him

once he gets
his license.

Well, look, Marcia,

I wouldn't tease him
if I were you.

I mean, you're going
to be getting your license

in another year or two.

Boy, they'll give a
license to anybody.

Is that so?

Yeah.
Cool it.

( door closing )

MARCIA:
Hi, Greg.

( mumbles ):
Hi.

Oh, uh, Dad had to go
back to the office.

He said he'd be home
in time for dinner.

You don't have
to tell us, Greg.

We can tell
by the look on your face.

A lot of people
don't pass

the first time, honey.

What did the man say?

The man...

said to show you this.

Oh, you!

It's your license.

Congratulations!

Boy, that was
pretty sneaky

putting us on like that.

But we'll let you
drive us around anyway.

Yeah,
congratulations.

Thanks.

Oh, that's great.

Well, look, you know,
I promised you

you can drive my car
once in a while,

and I'm sure your father
will let you drive his, too.

You and Dad don't have

to worry
about that anymore.

What do you mean?

Now that I'm
an official driver,

I'll buy a car of my own.

A car of your own!

I don't know which of these cars
I'd rather have.

Boy,
are you a dreamer.

Yeah, what are
you going to
use for money?

This convertible is groovy.

But the hardtop
is pretty sharp, too.

Why don't you get them both,
Mr. Moneybags?

You guys think I'm kidding
about getting a car?

If you're not,
you're nuts.

Just to prove it...
Peter, you know my bike?

Yeah.
What about it?

Now that I'll be getting
a car of my own,

I won't need the bike anymore.

You can have it.

I can?
Sure.

What's the catch?

Can't a guy perform
a simple act of generosity

without being suspected?

Boy, I always said
you were the greatest.

Didn't I, Bobby?

No. Just
this morning...

Who asked you?

Thanks, Greg.

Think nothing of it.

GREG:
Hi, Dad.

Hi.

Say, I hear you've been
talking about buying a car.

Yeah, I figured
why should I

inconvenience you and Mom
always borrowing yours?

That's very
considerate of you.

Is this the one
you have in mind?

No, but I'm going to try

and get something
as close to it as I can.

( whistles )

That's a pretty
fancy machine.

A gentle reminder
to you, my boy:

Your name is Brady,
not Onassis.

I'm going to buy it, Dad.

Look, I've been saving: $109.

Hey, you have been
adding to it.

That's good.

( chuckles ):
Okay.

But I want you to
promise me one thing:

Before you buy a car,
you let me look at it.

Sure, Dad.

How did you manage
to save all that?

It wasn't easy.

I had to give up a lot
of the necessities of life.

Like what?

Pizzas and French fries
and girls...

Girls?

Well, mostly pizzas
and French fries.

I still don't like the idea

of a 16-year-old
owning his own car.

Well, now look, honey,

you know, we
did promise him.

And he's had driver's
education in school,

he's passed his test,

and really, he's a
pretty good driver.

I know, but why can't he
drive your car or my car?

In the long run, what
difference does it make?

Your car, my car, his car.

You got to be
logical with him.

I don't have to be logical--
I'm a mother.

Well, anyway,

I think you're
worrying prematurely

because by the time
Greg gets enough money

for the kind of
car he wants,

the 1999 models are
going to be here.

Oh, no, he wants
to buy a car right now.

Look, he's only got
a hundred bucks.

He's not going be
satisfied with anything

he can get for that.

Just a hundred dollars?

Yes, and delusions
of grandeur.

What kind of a
car could he get

for a hundred dollars?

She's a beauty,
ain't she, Greg?

I'm only selling her

because I need
a fast hundred bucks.

You know,
I got five or six guys

just waiting
to buy this baby,

but it's such a good deal,

I wanted a friend
to have it first.

Thanks, Eddie,
I appreciate that.

There's an awful
lot of chrome missing

up and down here,
and all these dents.

What chrome missing?

I got it right here.

You just
straighten it out.

As for these dents,

take it to the auto
shop at school,

they'll pound them
right out for you.

So it sticks a little.

When you own
a convertible,

you don't use doors--
you just jump right in.

Sports car, right?

Right.

But if you want to do it
the regular way,

it does work.

You see?

Eddie, look at
this big hole

in the backseat.

What hole?

A little rip.

Just sew it up.

Only a dime
for needle and thread.

Listen to this horn.

( honks horn )

The windshield wipers work,
the radio...

Can I hear the engine?

Sure.
Purrs like a kitten.

( engine starting )

( engine chugging )

( engine rumbling, backfires )

Runs a little rough
until she warms up,

then she's great.

Yeah, I can feel it.

( engine backfires )

( turns off engine, backfires )

The idle just needs
to be adjusted.

All this baby needs
is a little bit of work.

Eddie, I don't know.

Greg, Greg, for
a hundred bucks

and a little
bit of work,

you got yourself a car
that's worth maybe $500.

Think all it'll take
is a little work?

Positive.

Tell you what
I'm gonna do--

I'm gonna throw in a repair
manual, absolutely free.

With this, a ten-year-old
could fix her up.

I told my dad
I'd let him look

at anything
I bought first.

What time is it, Greg?

It's 3:20. Why?

Car's gonna be gone

by the time you
get your dad here.

I got a guy coming
in ten minutes.

And with him...

it's a sure sale.

Eddie, I don't know.

Greg, it's a great deal.

Or would you rather
wait five or six years

for a set of wheels?

Cocoa, uh, sugar...

Yup.
( car horn honking )

Peanut butter.
Right.

( car horn blowing off-key )

What on Earth was that?

( horn blowing off-key )

Sounds like
the mating call

of a lovesick moose.

( horn blowing off-key )

What's that?

That sounds
horrible!

I know. Come on.

( horn blowing off-key )

Oh...

( horn blowing off-key )

Hi.

Greg, could you
turn that thing off?

Dad, I'm trying.

As soon as I get
the hood open...

( horn stops )

How do you like her?

( laughing )

Oh, Mike.

She's mine;
all mine.

( hissing )

Head for the hills, men!

The dam has busted!

Greg, are you trying to tell us

that you actually
bought this, uh...

Classic, Dad.

Mike, do you
think it's safe

for him to drive it?

Honey, I think it's the safest
kind of car you could have--

one that's not going to run.

A little work, I'll have
this thing running great.

Listen,
I thought you promised me

that you were going
to let me look at the car

before you bought it.
Yeah.

I know, but I
had to move fast.

A lot of other guys
wanted to buy this thing,

but my friend, Eddie,
offered it to me first.

It was such a
great bargain,

I knew you'd understand.

Some friend, that Eddie.

Yeah.

Greg, uh,
what did you pay for it?

A hundred bucks.

Eddie said it
was a steal.

Yeah, I think
it was a steal.

He even threw in
this repair manual.

Now with this thing,

even a ten-year-old
could fix her up.

See, it tells you how to
boil out a carburetor,

work on the timing gear,

and a lot of stuff
about the transmission.

Well, I think
I'll leave you two mechanics

to work out the greasy details.

I'll be back in about an hour
to see Old Faithful blow again.

Well, do you think
you could get it started

so I could
hear the engine?

Uh, sure, Dad. Yeah.

( engine rattling loudly )

How does it sound?

Like a flock of geese
heading south.

Sick geese.

( engine stops )

Yeah, well,
Eddie says that's the idle.

Nothing a couple of turns
of a screwdriver can't fix.

You know what, Dad?

I was thinking.

Put a new coat
of paint on here.

Maybe a rally stripe down
the front of the hood.

Mag wheels, a whip
antenna for the radio.

Don't you think
that's gonna strain

your budget
a little bit?

Well, not if I do
all the work myself.

It shouldn't cost
much at all.

Not much more
than a new Rolls-Royce.

Yeah, well, maybe I can
do a little bit at a time.

Well, all right,
all right.

We'll work it out.

It kinda reminds me of an old
car my dad use to have.

In fact, I think it is my dad's
old car.

Jan, you don't stir paint
with a socket wrench.

You'll ruin it.
Give it to me.

Okay, here.

Thanks a lot.

Is all the rust
coming off?

I hope not.

What do you mean?

It's the only
thing holding
the car together.

Take it easy.

At least the upholstery
is clean, Greg.

Great.
Thanks, Marcia.

Hey, what's that stuff
you're cleaning it with?

Water.

Black water?

It wasn't black
when I started.

( vacuum cleaner whirring )

What do you think
you're doing?

Cleaning the engine.

There's a lot of grease
and gunk in here.

You don't clean an engine
with a vacuum.

Get that
out of here.

( muttering ):
Kids.

Alice, what are you cooking?

Something new?

Would you car to guess Mrs.
Brady?

Well, it certainly smells odd.

Cabbage?

Nope.

I know it's not brussel sprouts.

Nope. Give up?

Yes.

Speciality of the house...

boiled out carburetor a la
grecque.

( family talking excitedly )

Listen, I know you thought
I'd never get done...

That's true.

...but here it is.

Well, I have to admit,
I was a doubting Thomas.

Yeah,
and I was Mrs. Doubting Thomas.

I guess I'm just
a natural-born mechanic.

I got the engine
running like a watch.

What's that?

Spare parts for the watch?

No.

I redesigned the engine.

That's just extra junk
we didn't need.

All right, everybody,
you're about to see

the hottest set of wheels
this side of Indianapolis.

CAROL:
Okay.

I think
we put the cloth on

before the paint was dry.

I think it's just caught
in the door here.

Here it is, folks.

Ta-da!

( all laughing )

( all murmuring admiration )

MIKE:
You've certainly
done a fine job, son.

Say, that looks
marvelous.

Wait till you hear the engine.

( engine idling smoothly )

Oh, and I fixed that short
in the horn, too.

In fact, I rewired
all the electrical circuits.

Listen to this horn.

He did say horn...
didn't he say horn?

( squeaking, whining )

( bangs )

What's causing that?

( horn blowing off-key )

( steam hissing )

It's going mad.

( squeaking, whining,
wailing, hissing )

Hey, you better
bail out.

( squeaking, whining,
wailing, hissing )

Boy, did I ever get stuck
with a lemon.

"A little elbow grease."

Well, I don't think
a little elbow grease

is going to cure
rigor mortis.

Careful, Dad.

You're liable
to crush the door.

Some friend,
that Eddie.

Aw, come on, Greg,
forget about Eddie.

You made a business deal,

he got the best of
you, that's all.

A business deal.

That's the last time

I'm going to do business
with a friend.

I think maybe you
learned something

about the
business world.

What do you mean?

Well, look,
you take sellers--

they've got something
to sell, right?

Right.

Naturally, they're going
to make it sound

as attractive as possible

even if they have
to exaggerate to do it.

You mean lie.

Yes, quite often they do.

Although they might call it
gilding the lily.

But the important thing is
that you're the buyer--

you have to keep
your guard up, see?

It's the old principle
of caveat emptor.

Caveat emptor?

It's Latin for
"Let the buyer beware."

Or, to put it
in the vernacular,

"Them who don't look,
sometimes gets took."

Well, that Eddie
really took me.

Yeah, he did.

He had you hog-tied and happy
before you knew it.

But you let it happen.

Okay,
the important thing is

that you learned
something.

Yeah, don't worry,
Dad, have I ever.

Good boy.

What were you talking to Dad
about?

Oh, a few of the facts of life.

Like "caveat emptor."

What's that?

It means "Let the buyer beware."

Yeah. Don't you know anything?

Oh, I know Latin.

Obby-bay Ady-bray.

That's Bobby Brady in Latin.

That's Pig-Latin, loser!

Boy, I sure learned my lesson.

When I get rid of that old klunk
this time, I'm ther seller.

And it's the other guy who has
to do the caveat emptoring.

How ya going to get rid of it?

Just find someone who is dumber
than I am.

Isn't going to be easy.

I knew you were
looking for a car, Ronnie.

That's why I called.

I want a friend
to have this baby.

I don't know, Greg.

It looks kind
of an old model.

Oh, Ronnie, the
word isn't "old."

The word is "classic."

In a couple of years,

this'll be a
collector's item

worth five times what
I'm asking for it.

Yeah, you think so?

Oh, sure.

Listen, I got five or six
guys after this beauty.

But like I said, I want
a friend to have it.

Yeah,
and I appreciate it, too.

Hi. What are you doing?

Uh, just showing Ronnie
this little gem here.

Tell him how sensational
the car is, girls.

Sure.
Sensational.

Oh, especially when
it's standing still.

( laughs loudly )

Those sisters of mine.

Great little sense of humor.

What's the matter
with the door?

So it sticks a little.

Listen, when you
got a convertible,

who uses doors?

You just kind of jump in

like it was a sports car,
right?

Watch this.

There. Now, listen,
I want to tell you

about these wipers
I got in here.

I got them hooked up
to the horn.

It's fantastic.

All you do is...

Greg, can
I have these?

Cindy, can't you see I'm busy?

But you said
these parts were left over

after you tried
to fix the motor.

( laughs loudly )

Great little sense of humor.

Nine years old.

Cindy, I got a candy bar
on my dresser.

You can have it.

Thanks.

Sure.

Hey, Ronnie,
why don't you try it?

Come on.

By the way,
how's the engine?

Ah, it's great.
Just great.

And, listen, I wanted
to show you this radio.

Well, can I hear it?

Uh, sure, but it's
a waste of time.

Purrs like a kitten.

( engine rattling )

( backfires )

( rattling )

( engine stops )

Sounded kind of funny.

That's just the idle.

Nothing a couple of turns

of the screwdriver
can't fix, huh?

Listen, make up
your mind, Ronnie.

Is it a deal?

I don't know, Greg.

What time is it?

I don't know.

It's 4:15, and I
got to show this

to another guy
in five minutes.

Now, what'll it be, Ron?

Do you want to miss
the opportunity

of a lifetime, or
do you want the car?

( sighs heavily )

Hello, girls.

JAN:
Oh, hi.

Well, it looks like Greg
must've got his car running.

He must have used
artificial respiration.

Hey, girls,
do you know where Greg went?

Well, he was showing
the car to some boy,

and then they
drove off somewhere.

He was trying
to get us to say

how great that
old wreck was.

He kept winking at us,
you know, like that.

And he even gave Cindy
a candy bar.

Well, I wonder
what that's all about.

Hmm, so do I.

Boys?

Did Greg sell his car?

Yeah, he called
the guy a pigeon.

He said he was going to really
cavit the guy's eruptor.

"Cavit his eruptor"?
What...?

I think he means
caveat his emptor.

Caveat emptor?

Now where
did they pick that up?

I had a long
talk with Greg

about buying and selling,

but I'm afraid he
learned the wrong lesson.

Yeah, I really gave him
a hard sell.

Boy, the chump went for it
hook, line and sinker.

You didn't lie to him,
did you, Greg?

I gilded the lily
pretty good.

Greg, is that
all you got

out of that
talk we had?

Sure. That's what
gave me the idea.

I figure,
if I got stuck,

why shouldn't
somebody else?

So you found
yourself a pigeon.

It was a cinch.

And I had the hundred bucks

in my hot little hand,
and then...

Then you what?

And then,
I let the sucker off the hook.

I just couldn't
go through with it.

You mean you didn't
sell him the car?

Guess I'm a pretty
crummy businessman.

No, no,
you're an honest one.

Right.

But where's the car?

Oh, well, I was getting to that.

Driving home, it broke down

between Second Street
and Fifth Street.

That's a pretty big area.
Whereabouts?

All the way.

It just kept falling apart.

( all laughing )

Fifth Street? Isn't that
over near the junkyard?

That's where I sold it.

The junkman
gave me 50 bucks for it.

Listen, look,
you lost $50,

but if you've
learned something,

it's worth it.

Especially the
way it ended.

Can you imagine a
car falling apart

in front of a junkyard?

Yeah, well, I guess cars
are like elephants, Mom.

They both know where to go
when they die.

Now, come on, girls,
we're going to be late.

In the station wagon.

We're hurrying, Mom.

I forgot the ballet class
was early this morning.

We'll be back
in a couple of hours, Alice.
Right.

I forgot one.

Come on, Cindy.
Attagirl.

Ah, your breakfast
is on the table.

I hope you wanted eggs.

Anything's great, Alice.

I'm late for my golf game.

Dad, can I use
the car, please?

No, I'm sorry, son,
I'm playing golf this morning.

Oh, shoot, I'm
pitching today,

and if they start
somebody else,

I'll lose my spot.

Oh, all right,
all right.

I'll get your mother
to drive me. Here.

Okay, great.
Thanks, Dad.

Listen, be careful, will you?

Eggs okay?

Yeah, they're fine.

Alice, listen, you think
Mrs. Brady's ready to go yet?

I want her to drop me
off at the golf course.

She's more than ready to go,
Mr. Brady-- she's gone.

Gone?

Oh, no, there
goes my golf game.

Wait a minute.

I have a feeling
that from now on

you're going to
be needing this

more that I am.

What's that?

My bus pass.

Bus pass?

Oh, it's a cinch, Mr. Brady.

You take the number two bus
to Oak Street,

then you transfer
to the 56 Crosstown.

Then you take the 18
to the end of the line.

From there on,
it's express all the way.