All language subtitles for Spaceballs 1987

[ © anoXmous @ https://thepiratebay.se/user/anoXmous/]

RICCO:
Colonel Sandurz?

What is it,
Sergeant Ricco?

You told me to let you know
the moment Planet Druidia
was in sight, sir.

So?

Planet Druidia
is in sight, sir.

You're really
a Spaceball.

You know that,
don't you?

Thanks, sir.

Have you notified
Lord Helmet?

Yes, sir.
I took the liberty.
He's on his way.

CORPORAL: Make way
for Dark Helmet!

all rise in the presence
of Dark Helmet.

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

(CHOKING)

I can't breathe
in this thing.

We're approaching
Planet Druidia, sir.

Good.

I'll call Spaceball City
and notify
President Skroob immediately.

I already called him, sir.
He knows everything.

What? You went
over my helmet?

Well, not exactly
over, sir.
More to the side.

I'll always call you first.
It'll never happen again.
Never ever!

Oh, shit!

No! Please!

Please, no, not that!

Yes, that.

(GROANING)

(SOBBING)

Sandurz!
Sir.

I don't see
Planet Druidia.
Where is it?

We don't have visuaI
contact yet, but we have
it on the radar screen.

Shall I punch it
up for you?

Never mind.
I'll do it myself.

Very good, sir.

What's the matter?
What's that
churning and bubbIing?

You call that
a radar screen?

No, sir, we call it
Mr. Coffee.

(MACHINE BEEPS)
Care for some?

Yes. I always have coffee
when I watch radar.
You know that.

Of course I do.
Everybody knows that!

Of course we do, sir.

Now that I have my coffee,
I'm ready to watch radar.

Where is it?

Right here, sir.

Switch to teleview.

There it is.
Planet Druidia.

And underneath
the air shield,
10,000 years of fresh air.

We must get through
that air shield.

We will, sir.

Once we kidnap the Princess,
we can force
her father, King Roland,

to give us the combination
to the air shield,

thereby destroying
Planet Druidia and
saving Planet Spaceball.

Everybody got that?

Good. When will
the Princess
be married?

Within the hour, sir.

Well, I hope
it's a Iong ceremony,

'cause it's gonna be
a short honeymoon.

(GROANING)

Hot! Too hot.

If only your mother
were alive
to see this day.

Is everyone ready?
Yes, Your Majesty.

No! Where's my
droid of honor?

Oh, dear, yes.
Where's Dot? Dot?

Dot Matrix!

Oh, thank God,
dear!

Where've you been?

Here I am.
I'm sorry. I had to
make a pit stop.

I'm so excited,
I couldn't
hold my oil.

all right, people.
It's magic time!

all right, everyone,
starting
on the left foot.

Daddy, that's
the right foot.

It's too late.
Keep going.

(WEDDING MARCH PLAYING)

Daddy.

(STOPS PLAYING ORGAN)

Must I go through
with this?

I'm sorry, my dear.
You have to.

(ORGAN RESUMES PLAYING)

But, Daddy,

(GROANING)

(STOPS PLAYING)

I don't Iove him.

I'm sorry, Vespa.
He's the last prince
left in the galaxy.

(SCATTERED MURMURING)

(ORGAN RESUMES PLAYING)

Dearly beloved,
we are gathered here
on this most joyous occasion

to witness Princess Vespa,
daughter of King Roland,

going right past the altar,
heading down the ramp

and out the door!

Stop her!
Someone stop her!
Stop her!

Hey, wait!
You forgot
to get married!

Will you stop?

What are you doing?

No questions, Dot.
Get in.

(ENGINE STARTING)

What is she doing?
Where is she going?

Come back!

(RAISE YOUR HANDS
PLAYING ON STEREO)

MAN: (SINGING)
Ooh, yeah

You

You got
a nasty reputation

We're in
a sticky situation

It's down to
me and you

So tell me,
is it true?

They say there ain't
nobody better

Well, now
that we're together

(PHONE RINGING)

Show me
what you can do

Barf.

(RINGING CONTINUES)

Barf.

(MUSIC BLARING)

Barf.

And playin'
to win

Huh?

Raise your hands...

(REDUCES VOLUME)

LONE STARR: Barf?

AIways when I'm eating.

Barf!

(RINGING CONTINUES)

What can I
do you for, boss?

Where you been?

Grabbing myself a snack.

You want some?
No!

A little hair
of the dog?

No! Listen,
answer that thing
for me.

Will you
watch that?

Sorry.

I'll just throw on
our audio here. That way
they won't see you.

Yello!

Hello, Lone Starr.

Sorry, wrong switch.

Hello, Vinnie.
What do you want?

No, it's not what I want.

It's what he wants.

(LAUGHING)

BARF AND LONE STARR:
Pizza the Hutt.

(BURPING)

Well, if it isn't
Lone Starr

and his sidekick, Puke.

That's Barf.

Barf, Puke, whatever.

Where's my money?

Don't worry, Pizza.
You'll have it
by next week.

No. I gotta have it
by tomorrow.

100,000 space bucks?
By tomorrow?

100,000? No way!

You forgot late charges

which brings it up to
1 million space bucks!

A million?
That's unfair!

Unfair to the payer,

but not to the payee.

(LAUGHING)

But you're gonna
pay it or else...

(PIZZA LAUGHING)

Or else what?

Tell him, Vinnie.

Or else Pizza
is gonna send out for you.

(PIZZA AND VINNIE LAUGHING)

You're delicious.

Ciao, boys.

(PIZZA COUGHING)

(HEARTSTRINGS
PLAYING ON STEREO)

WOMAN: (SINGING)
I slept in your arms

Content to go on dreaming

A nightmare
too real to imagine

Losing you

Can we talk?

Okay. We all know
Prince Valium
is a pill,

but you could've
married him for
your father's sake

and then had a headache
for the next 25 years.

I love you more each day

Will you turn
that thing off?

Play on my heartstrings...

What?

What is it?

I was saying,
do you realize
what you've done?

Yes! And I'm glad.

Glad.

I wonder
if she's glad.

Don't be ridiculous.

As president
of Planet Spaceball,

I can assure
both you and your viewers

that there's
absoIutely no air shortage
whatsoever.

Yes, of course.
I've heard
the same rumor myself.

Yes, thanks for calling
and not reversing the charges.

Yes, bye.

Shithead.

(AIR HISSING)

(INHALING)

President Skroob.

Yes?

This is Central Control.

Spaceball
Commanderette Zircon
speaking, sir.

Yes, what is it,
Commanderette?

Lord Helmet has just
notified us that
Princess Vespa is in sight

and Spaceball One
is closing in on her.

Good.

We have both ships coming up
on the teledar, sir,
if you wish to observe.

I'll be down immediately.

Should I have Snotty
beam you down, sir?

I don't know about
that beaming stuff.
Is it safe?

Oh, yes, sir.
Snotty beamed me
twice last night.

It was wonderful.

all right.
I'll take a shot at it.

What the hell,
it works on Star Trek.

Snotty,

beam him down.

SNOTTY: Yes, sir.
Immediately, sir.

(ALL MURMURING)

SNOTTY: Great beasties!
What's happened
to his head?

It's on backwards!

This is terrible!
Do something!

I'm sorry, sir.
There must have been
a micro-converter maIfunction.

Why didn't somebody tell me
my ass was so big?

(SCATTERED LAUGHTER)

Hold on, sir.
We'll try to
reverse the beam.

SNOTTY: It could be
the interlocking system.

Lock one. Lock two.
Lock three. Loch Lomond!

(SIGHS)

Are you all right,
Mr. President?

Fine.
No thanks to you!

We'll beam you back, sir.

Forget it.
No more beaming.

This time I'm gonna walk.

President Skroob!
Salute!

Hail, Skroob!

Hello, President Skroob.

Hello, Charlene.

I'm Marlene.

Hello, Marlene.

I'm Charlene.

Chew your gum.

Where's the Princess?

Right there, sir,
on the left side
of the screen

approaching Spaceball One
at 1,500 light leagues
per minute.

Good. She's almost
in our grasp.

Tell Dark Helmet
he must take
the Princess alive.

Princess Vespa's
spaceship
within range, sir.

Good.

Fire a warning shot
across her nose.

(LASER SHOTS FIRING)

What's going on?

It's either
the Fourth of July,

or someone's
trying to kill us!

Hey!

I don't have to put up
with this. I'm rich.

What are you doing?

I'm calling my father.

1-800-Druidia.

Careful, you idiot!
I said across
her nose, not up it!

Sorry, sir.
I'm doing my best.

Who made
that man a gunner?

I did, sir.

He's my cousin.

Who is he?
He's an Asshole, sir.

I know that.
What's his name?

That is his name, sir.

Asshole.
Major Asshole.

And his cousin?
He's an asshole, too, sir.

Gunner's Mate,
First Class,
Phillip Asshole.

How many Assholes
we got
on this ship anyhow?

ALL: Yo!

I knew it.
I'm surrounded
by assholes.

Keep firing, assholes!

Hurry, Daddy. Hurry!

There are laser blasts
all around us! I'm scared.

ON RADIO:
King Roland to Lone Starr.

Are you there?

Lone Starr, you've got
to help me.
Please save my daughter.

She's being attacked
by Spaceballs!

Spaceballs?
Forget it.
Too dangerous.

Besides, I'm already
numero uno on
Dark Helmet's hit list.

Look, Your Highness,
it's not that we're
afraid. Far from it.

It's just that
we got this thing
about death. It's not us.

Please, you must!

You're the only ones
that can save her!
I'll give you anything!

Did you hear me?
Anything.

Anything?

Yes, anything.

Okay. We'll do it
for a million.

A million?

You're starting to fade here.
We're losing picture,
Your Highness.

all right, I'll pay it.
Only find her, save her.

All right, King.
You just made a deal.

One princess for
1 million space bucks.

What's she driving?

A brand-new white Mercedes

2001 SEL limited edition.

Moon roof,
all-leather interior.

I got it at
a very good price.
I paid cash.

My cousin, Prince Murray,
has a dealership
in the valley.

He was very nice to me.

We get the idea.

Where was
she last seen?

She was just passing
Jupiter Two.

We'll find her.

Please bring her back safely.

And if it's at all possible,
try to save the car.

1 million space bucks!
We'll be able to
pay off Pizza the Hutt!

Give me paw!

(BOTH HOWLING)

What's happening?

What's that glow?

We're not moving.

We're moving,
all right.

Backwards.

Look, there's our princess.
She's got company.

Oh, no.
Spaceballs!

And they've already
got her in
their magnetic beam.

We're too late.
What a shame.

I'll throw her in reverse.
We'll get out of here.

No! Bad.

What are we doing
risking our lives for
a runaway princess?

I know we need
the money, but...
Listen,

we're not just
doing this for money.

We're doing it
for a shitload of money.

You're right.

And when you're right,
you're right. And you,
you're always right.

Okay, we save her.
But how?

The minute we move in there,
they're gonna
spot us on their radar.

Uh-uh.
Uh-huh.

Not if we jam it.

Aha!

You're right.

Down scope.
Down scope.

Radar about to be jammed.

(BEEPS)

(BUZZING)

Shit.

(CLANKING)

ON PA: Sir.
What is it?

Can I talk to you
for a minute,
please, sir?

Well?

l'm having trouble
with the radar, sir.

You don't need that,
Private. We're right
here. What is it?

l'm having trouble
with the radar, sir.

Now what is it?

I'm having trouble
with the radar.

What's wrong?

I've lost the bleeps,
the sweeps,
and the creeps.

The what?
And the what?

You know. The bleeps.

(BLEEPING)

The sweeps.

(GURGLING)

And the creeps.

(SQUEAKING)

That's not
all he's lost.

Sir.
The radar, sir.

It appears to be

Jammed.

Jammed.

Raspberry.

Well, there's only one man
who would dare
give me the raspberry.

Lone Starr!

(CLATTERING)

What was that?

(KNOCK AT DOOR)

Never mind that.
What was that?

(GASPS)

Hi.

Who are you?
Barf.

Not in here, mister.
This is a Mercedes.

No, that's
my name. Barf.

Barf?

What are you?

I'm a Mawg:
half man, half dog.

I'm my own best friend.

What do you want?

Your father hired
Captain Lone Starr
and me to save you.

We got to hop up
this ladder and get out.

Good. Quick.
Hurry, darling.
Follow the dog.

Mawg. I'm a Mawg.

Wait. What about
my matched luggage?

(WHIMPERING)

DOT: Stop looking
up my can.

Sorry.

Checking in?
What the hell
is all that?

It's Her Royal Highness's
matched luggage!

LONE STARR: What?

Her Royal Highness's
matched luggage.

Matched luggage, huh?

What's she think this is,
a Princess Cruise?

Well, she wouldn't
go without it.

Oh, yeah?

(GRUNTS)

Now hear this.

The minute
we get out of here,
the first thing we do is

dump the matched luggage.

Who is that?

Now you hear this,
whoever you are.

You will not touch
that luggage.

And furthermore,
I want this pigsty
cleaned up.

I will not be rescued
in such filth.

Listen. On this ship,
I don't take orders,
I give them.

This is my dreamboat,
sweetheart.

Sweetheart?

Oh-oh.

How dare you
speak to me that way?

You will address me
in the proper manner
as Your Royal Highness.

I am Princess Vespa,

daughter of Roland,
King of the Druids.

That's all we needed.

A Druish princess.

Funny.
She doesn't look Druish.

Now we will show her
who is in charge
of this galaxy.

Hold it.
I'll handle this
personally.

Jawohl,
Lord Helmet!

So, Princess Vespa,

you thought you could
outwit the imperious forces
of Planet Spaceball.

Well, you were wrong.

You are now our prisoner.

And you will be held
hostage until such time

as all of the air
is transferred
from your planet

to ours.

She's not in there.

CORPORAL ON PA:
Radar repaired, sir.

We're picking up the outline
of a Winnebago.

Winnebago?

Lone Starr.

Here comes
the Badyear blimp.

We'd better get out
of here in a hurry.

Switch to
secret hyper-jets.

Switching to
secret hyper-jets.

BuckIe up back there,
we're going
into hyperactive.

We're closing in
on them, sir.

In less than a minute,
Lone Starr will be ours.

Good.
Prepare to attack.

Prepare to attack.

On the count of three.

One,

two,

late!

What happened?
Where are they?

I don't know, sir.

They must have
hyper-jets
on that thing.

And what have
we got on this thing,
a Cuisinart?

No, sir.

Well, find them,
catch them!

Yes, sir.

ON PA: Prepare ship
for light speed.

No, light speed
is too slow.

Light speed too slow?

Yes. We're gonna
have to go right to
Iudicrous speed.

(ALL GASPING)

Ludicrous speed?

We've never gone that fast.
I don't know
if this ship can take it.

What's the matter,
Colonel Sandurz?

Chicken?

Prepare ship.

Prepare ship for
ludicrous speed.

Fasten all seat belts.

Seal all entrances
and exits.

Close all shops
in the mall.

Cancel the
three-ring circus.

Secure all animals
in the zoo...

Give me that,
you petty excuse
for an officer.

(ALARM BUZZING)

DARK HELMET:
Now hear this.

Ludicrous speed!

Sir, hadn't you
better buckIe up?

BuckIe this.

Ludicrous speed! Go!

(EXCLAIMING)

(SCREAMING)

(DARK HELMET SCREAMING)

DARK HELMET:
What have I done?

My brains are going
into my feet.

What the hell
was that?

Spaceball One.

They've gone to plaid.

We passed them.
Stop this thing.

We can't stop.
It's too dangerous.

We've got to
slow down first.

BulIshit!
Just stop this thing!

I order you. Stop!

(SCREAMING)

Here, sir. Here.
Let me help you, sir.

Are you
all right, sir?

Fine.
How have you been?

Fine, sir.

Good.

Good thing
you were wearing
that helmet.

Yeah.

What shall
we do now, sir?

Well, are we stopped?

We're stopped, sir.

Good.

Why don't we take
a five-minute break?

Very good, sir.

Smoke if
you got them.

Take her out of
hyperactive.

Taking her out
of hyperactive.

(SIGHS)

Congrats, boss.
We did it.

They must have
overshot us
by a week-and-a-half.

Okay. Let's set
a course for Druidia.

Setting a course
for...

(ALARM BEEPING)

What's that?

I don't know.
We're losing power!

Why?
'Cause we're out of gas!

Must have burned it
up in hyperactive.

We should have put
more than
five bucks' worth in!

Okay. We'll have to
set her down.

Prepare for
an emergency landing.

Quick, give me
a reading!

Our Father,
who art in heaven,
hallowed be Thy name...

Will you stop that?

Keep your seat belts
fastened back there.

You okay, Princess?

(SCREAMING)

No, you idiot!
Where'd you learn
how to fIy?

Okay.
Eagle 5 coming in.

(WHIMPERING)

BARF: Left! Go left!
Right! I mean right!

Pull up!

(WHIMPERING)

Where're you going?

I am going to tell him
off once and for all.

Wait. We'll need him
to get us out of here.

Called me an idiot?

I'm going back there
and explain
a few things to her.

Besides, he's got
a sexy voice.
He might be cute.

You haven't seen her.

I know what
she looks like.

You've seen one,
you've seen them all.

Cute? I know
these space bums,
they're all alike.

Fat, ugly...

Buck-toothed,
knock-kneed...

Beer-swilling pigs!

Horse-faced space dogs!

Yeah, well, normally...

(RIPPING)

That's gonna leave a mark.

Now listen, you...

You listen.

On this ship, you're
to refer to me as "idiot,"
not "you Captain."

I mean... You know
what I mean.

And you will not
call me "you."

You will never
address me as "you."

You will call me
"Your Royal Highness"!

You are a royal
pain in the...

Hold it. Time!
BOTH: What?

May I make
a small suggestion?

Any minute now,
the Spaceballs
will make a major U-turn,

head back this way,
and make us all dead.

He's right. Let's go.

Wait. My things.

Now listen,
you royal...

(WHIMPERS)

Highness.

Take only what
you need to survive.

(GROWLS)

DOT: Please slow down.
I'm getting sand
up my gears.

Gee, I hope
she didn't
forget anything.

All right,
wait a minute, Barf.
Put it down.

What the hell's
in this thing?

What's this?

I said, take only
what you need
to survive.

My industrial-strength
hair dryer.

And I can't
live without it!

Okay, Princess,
that's it.

The fairy tale is over.

welcome to real life.

You want this
hot air machine,
you carry it.

You pick that up.

How dare you,
you insoIent peasant?

Nobody talks to me
that way. Nobody!

(ECHOING)
Nobody!

Well, what have we got here?
Will you look at her?

(BARF SHUDDERING)

Those flashing eyes,
those fIushed cheeks,
those trembling lips.

You know
something, Princess?

You are ugly
when you're angry.

Uh-oh.

That's it.

You and
your dog are...

Please.

TotaI humans,
droids, if I may?

It's going to be
very dark soon.

I suggest we find
a pIace to camp
for the night.

Come, darling.

LONE STARR:
See? It's lighter.

Oh, yeah.
This is the best.

I could have carried
two or three of these.

Have you
found them yet?

No, Lord Helmet.

They're still not
on the scanner.

Well, keep looking
for them.

(SLURPING)

Pardon me, sir.
I have an idea.

Corporal, get me
the video cassette of
Spaceballs: The Movie.

CORPORAL: Yes, sir.

"The Producers, Twelve Chairs,
Blazing Saddles,
Young Frankenstein."

Colonel Sandurz,
may l speak
with you, please?

Yes, sir.

How can there be a cassette
of Spaceballs: The Movie?

We're still
in the middle
of making it.

True, sir.

There's been
a new breakthrough in
home video marketing.

There has?

Yes.
Instant cassettes.

They're out in stores
before the
movie is finished.

No.

Here it is, sir!
Spaceballs.

SAN DU RZ:
Good work, Corporal.
Punch it up.

That's much too early.
Prepare to
fast-forward.

Preparing to
fast-forward.

Fast-forward!
Fast-forwarding, sir.

(CHATTERING SQUEAKILY)

(EXPLOSION)

No, go past this.
Past this part.

In fact, never play
this again.

Try here. Stop.

What the hell
am I looking at?

When does this happen
in the movie?

Now.

You're looking
at now, sir.

Everything that happens now
is happening now.

What happened to then?
We passed then.

When?
Just now.

We're at now, now.

Go back to then.

When?
Now.

I can't. We missed it.
When?

Just now.

When will then
be now?

Soon.

How soon?

CORPORAL: Sir!
We've identified
their location!

Where?
It's the moon of Vega.

Set a course
and prepare
for our arrival.

When?
1,900 hours, sir.

By high noon tomorrow,
they will be
our prisoners.

Who?

(CRICKETS CHIRPING)

No, thank you.
I'm perfectly all right.

Take it,
it's freezing.

If you insist.

Won't you be cold?

No, cold never bothers me.

(SIGHS)

I can't seem
to find Druidia.

It's right there.

Where?

It's right there.
It's that bright blue one
right there. See?

Oh, yeah.
But it's so far away.

Don't worry,
I'll get you there.

Which one's yours?

Who knows?

You don't know
where you're from?

Not really. I was found
on the doorstep
of a monastery.

Monastery? Where?

Somewhere
in the Ford Galaxy.

Well, didn't the monks
tell you who
your parents were?

They couldn't.
They took a vow
of silence.

All I got was this.
It was around my neck.

What is it?
I don't know.

I've taken it
to every wise man
in the universe

and nobody could
tell me
what it means.

It's beautiful.

You know, I...

It's beautiful.

So, how come
you ran away
from your wedding?

Well, if you must know,
I wasn't in Iove
with the groom.

Why were you
going to marry him?

Because I'm a princess,
and I have to
marry a prince.

And he doesn't
do it for you, huh?

No, he doesn't
do it for me.

(SIGHS)

I really must go back.

I shouldn't have run away.

I realize now that
Iove is one luxury

a princess
cannot afford.

You're probabIy right.

I know now
that I must learn
to live without Iove.

I guess so.

Besides, Iove isn't
that important.

No, it never was.

I could be perfectly happy
the rest of my life without

Iove.

Sure you could.

Without physicaI contact.

Yeah.

Without being held.

Yeah.

Or kissed.

(ALARM BLARING)

Abandon ship!

Women and Mawgs first!

(BLARING STOPS)
We'll have none
of that, mister.

How far did he get?
What did he touch?

Nothing happened!

What the hell
was that noise?

That was
my Virgin Alarm.

It's programmed
to go off
before you do.

You get back
to bed, miss.

And as for you,
sex fiend...

All right.
Let's all just get
some sIeep.

We gotta get moving
before dawn.

Why so early?

Because we're in
the middle of the desert

and we aren't gonna get
very far once that
bIazing sun gets overhead.

BARF: Nice dissolve.

(PANTING)

Water.

(PANTING)

(GASPING)

(PANTING) Oil.

Room service.

(GASPING)
Chief, I'm dead.

I can't go
any further.

Come on, Barf,
old buddy.

Just one more
dune to go.

No!

You said that
three dunes ago.
I got no more left.

Oh, waiter.
Check, please.

Must go on.

Who am I kidding?

(ALL SCATTING SQUEAKILY)

(ALL CHATTERING)

(CHATTERING CONTINUES)

(GRUNTS)

Thanks, little guy.

Thank you.

Did I miss something?

When did we get
to Disneyland?

(DINKS SCATTING)

I don't
see them, Sandurz.

I've sent the troops
on ahead
to Vector 78, sir.

Let's get moving.

Yes, sir.
Driver, prepare
to move out.

What are you preparing?
You're always
preparing. Just go.

Just go.
Yes, sir.

Sir, shouldn't
you sit down?

(ALL CHATTERING)

BARF: What're they saying?

Well, it's obvious
they want us
to go with them.

(DINKS CHATTERING)

What is
this pIace?

It looks like
the Temple of Doom.

Well, it sure ain't
Temple Beth Israel.

Come on. I think
we'd better
follow them.

(STATUE HISSING)

Oh-oh. I think
we woke it up.

Goodbye, foIks!
Let me know
how it turns out.

Come back
here, Dot!

Come on.
We gotta
keep going.

We need you.

What's gonna
happen now?

Don't ask.
Maybe it won't.

But what if
it does?

I don't know about you,
but I'm all for leaving.

I say we get out
of here right now,
whiIe the going...

(ALL SCREAMING)

YOGURT: Silence!

Who dares enter
the sacred and
awesome presence

of the everlasting
know-it-all, Yogurt?

ALL: Yogurt?

You heard of me?

Heard of you?
Who hasn't
heard of Yogurt?

Yogurt,
the wise.

Yogurt,
the all-powerful.

Yogurt,
the magnificent.

Please, don't make a fuss.
I'm just plain Yogurt.

But you're the one...

Yes.

I am the keeper of
a greater magic,

a power known throughout
the universe as the...

The Force?

No. The Schwartz.

ALL: The Schwartz!

Yes, the Schwartz.

But, Yogurt, what is
this pIace? What is it
that you do here?

Merchandising.

Merchandising?
What's that?

Merchandising.

Come, I'll show you.
Open up the store.

(DINKS CHATTERING)

Come! Walk this way.
Take a look.

We put the picture's
name on everything!

Merchandising,

where the real money
from the movie is made.

Spaceballs, The T-shirt.

Spaceballs,
The Coloring Book.

Spaceballs,
The Lunch Box.

Spaceballs,
The Breakfast Cereal.

Spaceballs,
The FIamethrower.

The kids Iove this one.

Last, but not least,

Spaceballs, The Doll.
Me.

(WINDING)

May the Schwartz
be with you.

(DINKS CHUCKLING)

Adorable.

WOMAN: (SINGING)
Hot together

Hot

So hot together

Baby, we could be hot...

(BOTH EXCLAIMING)

President Skroob.

What is it?

I have an urgent message
from Lord Helmet.
He's lost the Princess.

Where?

Somewhere in
the sands of Vega.

Tell them to comb the desert.
Do you hear me?
Comb the desert!

Yes, sir.

Sir?
What?

Are we being
too literal?

No, you fool.
We're following orders.

We were told to
comb the desert,
so we're combing it.

Found anything yet?

Nothing yet, sir.

DARK HELMET:
How about you?

Not a thing, sir.

What about
you guys?

We ain't found shit!

It's a big mystery.
None of the wise men
could tell me what it means.

Wise men, pshaw.
Wise guys, you mean.
What do they know?

Here, let me
take a look.

(GIBBERING)

You can read it!

No, I was just
clearing my throat.

Here, let me
take a...

Oh, yes.
Yes, of course!

You understand it?

Yes.
What's it say?

I cannot tell you that now.
It shall be revealed
to you at the proper time.

Great.

Come on, don't be
disappointed.

Back to your
Schwartz training.

Here, take the ring.
Point it at
that big statue.

Okay. But I still
don't understand

how I'm going to lift
that big statue
with this little ring.

Never underestimate
the power
of the Schwartz!

Come on, concentrate!
Here we go!

Concentrate.

(GRUNTING)

(CONTINUES GRUNTING)

(RUMBLING)

YOGURT: Lone Starr,
you're doing it!

I can't believe it!
The Schwartz,
it's working!

Hey, boss,
how'd you do that?

(YELPING)

Give me the ring, quick.

(CHANTING)

U psy-daisy!

(GROANING)

Sorry, Barf.

(GRUNTING)

(GROANING)

Keep searching.

(SIGHING)

It's no use, sir.
We've searched
everywhere.

Wait.

I feeI the presence
of the Schwartz.

The Schwartz?
Yes.

It's coming
from somewhere

down there.

You're right, sir.
There's a secret
entrance here.

And look at this
insignia. It's a "Y."

Yogurt!
I hate yogurt!

Even with strawberries!

I'll call for
the attack squad, sir.

No, we can't go in there.
Yogurt has the Schwartz.

It's far too powerful.

But, sir, your ring.
Don't you have
the Schwartz, too?

He got the upside.
I got the downside.

There's two sides
to every Schwartz.

Then how are we gonna
go in there and get her?

We will not
go in there.

She will
come out to us.

KING ROLAND:
Vespa, my child.
Where are you?

Daddy?

Vespa, it's your father,
King Roland.

Come to me.

Daddy?

I hear you.
Where are you?

Follow my voice.

Come to me.

Vespa, where are you going?

Vespa, come to me.

Daddy.
Is it really you?

Yes, my dear.

I guarantee it.
Would I Iie?

Daddy.

(EXCLAIMS)

DOT: No, Vespa, don't!

(EXCLAIMS)

(GROANS)

Fooled you.

(DARK HELMET LAUGHING)

Take them both aboard
and put the Princess
in my quarters.

Yes, sir.

Now she is mine.

What's the matter?
What are they saying?

They've taken
the Princess.

(DINKS CHATTERING)

(SPACESHIP RUMBLING)

Spaceballs.
Too late.

Don't worry, boss.
We'll get her back.

Thanks for
the gas, Yogurt.

You're welcome.
And here!

Just in case
you get hungry.

A fortune cookie?
Yes!

Remember, open it
before you eat it.

Thanks.
We better get going.

I wonder,
will we ever see
each other again?

Who knows? God willing,
we'll all meet again

in Spaceballs 2:
The Search for More Money.

Goodbye, Lone Starr.

Goodbye, Yogurt.

The ring of the Schwartz!

No, I can't take this.

Take it.
You might need it.

Thanks.
I'll never forget you.

Wish me luck.

(DINKS CHATTERING)

So, Princess Vespa,

at last I have you
in my clutches

to have my way with you
the way I want to.

No, please!
Leave me alone.

No, you are mine.

(MIMICKING LONE STARR)
Not so fast, Helmet.

Lone Starr.

Yes, it's me.
I'm here to
save my girlfriend.

Hi, honey.

Now you are
going to die.

(MIMICKING GROANING)

(MIMICKING BARF)
Hey, what'd you do
to my friend?

The same thing
l'm going to do
to you, big boy.

And you, too.

Now, Princess Vespa,
at last we are alone.

No, I hate you.
Leave me alone!

Yet I find you
strangely attractive.

Of course you do.

Druish princesses
are often attracted
to money and power.

And I have both.
And you know it.

Leave me alone!
No, kiss me!

No! Yes! No!

No!
Yes!

(MOANING)

Your helmet
is so big.

Lord Helmet.
What?

You're needed
on the bridge, sir!

Knock on my door.
Knock next time!

Yes, sir.

Did you see anything?
No, sir.

I didn't see
you playing
with your dolls.

Good.

(GASPS)
President Skroob.

I told you never to
call me on this wall.
This is an unlisted wall.

Sorry, sir,
but it's very important.

The Princess
has just been brought
to your office

and Lord Helmet
and Colonel Sandurz
are awaiting you there.

All right. Tell them
I'll be right there.

Yes, sir!

(ZIPPING)

(GROANS)

(FLUSHING)

Helmet, you fiend!
What's going on?

What are you doing
to my daughter?

Permit me
to introduce

the brilliant young
plastic surgeon,
Dr. Phillip Schlotkin.

The greatest nose job man
in the entire universe
and Beverly Hills.

Your Highness.

Nose job?
I don't understand.

She's already had a nose job.
It was her
sweet-sixteen present.

No, it's not what
you think.
It's much, much worse.

lf you do not give me
the combination
to the air shield,

Dr. Schlotkin will give
your daughter back
her old nose.

(EXCLAIMING)

No!

Where did you get that?

All right, l'll tell!

No, Daddy,
no, you mustn't!

You're right, my dear.
I'll miss your new nose.

But I will not tell him
the combination,
no matter what.

Very well.
Dr. Schlotkin,
do your worst.

My pleasure.

KING ROLAND: No! Wait!

I'll tell.

DARK HELMET: I knew
it would work.
All right, give it to me.

The combination is:

One.

(BOTH REPEATING)

Two.

(BOTH REPEATING)

Three.

Four.

Five.

So the combination is
1-2-3-4-5.

That's the stupidest
combination
I ever heard in my life!

That's the kind of thing
an idiot would
have on his luggage!

Thank you,
Your Highness.

What did you do?

I turned off
the wall.

No, you turned off
the whoIe movie.

I must have pressed
the wrong button.

(INDISTINCT MOANING)
Put the movie back on!

Yes, sir.

You gotta get
that thing fixed.

We're back!
And we have
the combination!

Schlotkin!
What?

We're done with you.

Go back to the goIf course
and work on your putts.

Let's go, Arnold.
Come, Gretchen.

Of course, you know
I'll still have
to bill you for this.

I bet she gives
great helmet.

Did it work?
Where's the King?

It worked, sir.
We have the combination.

Great. Now we can take
every last breath of fresh air
from Planet Druidia.

What's the combination?

1-2-3-4-5.

1-2-3-4-5?

Yes.

That's amazing.
I've got the same
combination on my luggage.

Prepare Spaceball One
for immediate departure.

Yes, sir.

And change the combination
on my luggage.

(GROANS)

There it is.
Spaceball City,
straight ahead.

Good,
I'm taking her in.

GUARD: What the hell
is that thing?

GUARD 1: It looks like
a Winnebago with wings.

Hey, you can't
park here!

Yeah, can't you guys
read? "No parking."

(MIMICS KISSING)

That son of a...

All right, hands up.
You're under arrest
for illegal parking.

Yeah!

(GUARDS YELLING)

MAN ON PA: Warden Miller,
you're wanted in V-1 7.

Attention.
Section C scanners, report.

Nah.

She's gotta be
in one of
these cells.

(WHISPERING)
Yeah, but which one?

No.
No.

VESPA: (SINGING)
Nobody knows

It's coming
from here.

That can't
be her.

The trouble
I've seen

Nobody knows
but Jesus

It's her.

Nobody knows

The trouble I've seen

She's a bass.

VESPA: (SINGING)
Glory hallelujah

(GROANS)

What do you want?

It's me.

It's us.

Lone Starr.
How did you find us?

No time to talk.
Come on.

We gotta move.

Barf! How'd you do it?

(WHISPERING)

Those are the guys
that stoIe
our uniforms!

And beat the shit
out of us, too!

(SHUDDERING)

We got company.

Watch out!

Damn it!
That's our
only way out.

We're trapped.

I hate
these movies.

(GROANING)

I'm out of ammo!

Get back!
I'll hold them off.

I got an idea!

DOT:
What's he doing?

(BARF GRUNTING)

(GROANING)

Good work.

More ping-pongs.
Run for it.

Let's go!

It's closing!

The door's closing!

Go for broke!

(ALL SCREAMING)

Don't move or
you're dead.
Stand up!

Captain,
we've got them.

Spectacular stunt, my friends,
but all for naught.

Turn around, please.

What a pity.

So, Princess, you thought
you could outwit
the imperious force of...

(GASPS)

You idiots!

These are not them.
You've captured
their stunt doubles.

Search the area.
Find them!

LONE STARR: Hurry up.
Get aboard.
I'll hold them off.

Open the door!

I can't,
it's fused.

What about this one?
It's locked.

Where are the keys?
Inside.

Oh, great!
Duck!

Here, you hold them off.
I'll get the door.

I ain't shooting
this thing.
I hate guns.

My hair.
He shot my hair!

You son of a bitch!

HoIy shit!

How was that?

Not bad.

Not bad
for a girl.

That was pretty good
for Rambo!

Let's blow this joint.

(FOOTSTEPS POUNDING)

SANDURZ:
President Skroob!
Salute!

ALL: Hail, Skroob.

The ship is too big.
If I walk, the movie
will be over.

Sir.
Yes?

(GASPS)

Never have that
damn thing down
in front of me.

How do I know you're not
making faces
at me under that thing?

SANDURZ: President Skroob.
Yes?

There it is,
Planet Druidia.

(EXCLAIMING) Planet Druidia.
And 10,000 years
of fresh air.

The way he runs things,
it won't last 100

What?

Preparing ship for
metamorphosis, sir.

Good.
Get on with it.

Ready, Kafka?

Look, it's
Spaceball One.

They've reached
the air shield.

DOT: And it's opening.

The ship's too big.
They'll never
get through.

How will they get
the air out? I don't see
any hoses or anything.

What's happening?

The ship. Changing.

Oh, my gosh.
It's not just
a spaceship.

It's a transformer.

DOT: It's changing into...

BARF: A gigantic...

VESPA: Maid!

LONE STARR:
With a vacuum cleaner.

So that's how
they're gonna
get the air out.

Metamorphosis completed, sir.
Spaceball One has now become

Megamaid.

Good!

Remarkable.

Now, commence
Operation Vacu-Suck.

(MEGAMAID WHIRRING)

TOGETHER: Suck.

(GASPING)
Goodbye, little Vespa.

My little baby Vespa.

(GASPING)

The air bag,
It's almost full.

DOT: What do we do?

We've gotta act fast.

Step one: We reverse
the vacuum and blow
the air back onto the Planet.

Step two:
We destroy
that thing.

But isn't that
dangerous?

Extremely.

PIus, I don't know
how the hell
we're gonna do it.

What about that ring
Yogurt gave you?

Oh, yeah.

Come on, boss.
Give it a shot!

Okay.
Here goes nothing.

VESPA: Look at that.

Wow!

BARF: It's working.

VESPA: Come on, Schwartz!

(ALL CHEERING)

Helmet,
what's going on?

Sandurz,
what's going on?

It's Megamaid.
She's gone from
suck to blow.

What? They're getting
all their air back.
Do something.

Do something!

ON PA: Do something!

(WIND BLOWING)

I'm breathing.

Air.

Air!

Dim the lights.

Dimming the lights.

LONE STARR:
Go to infrared.

Going to infrared.

Pray to God.

Praying to God.

(BEEPING)

DOT: (PANICKING) Careful.

What are you doing?

Scanning.

(WHIRRING)

There's gotta be
a self-destruct mechanism

somewhere in
the central brain area.

I think
we just found it.

Where?
Watch.

(FLIPPING SWITCH)

Bingo!
There it is.

It's right below us.

Put her in hover, Barf.

Putting her in hover.

I'm going
down there.

He's going
down there.

I wouldn't.

What the hell
are you doing?

The Vulcan
neck pinch?

No, stupid.
You got it
much too high.

It's down here
where the shoulder
meets the neck.

Like this?

Yeah.

Thanks.

AUTOMATED VOICE: Hand print
identification, please.

(BEEPING)

Thanks again.

Is that you, MyIar?

Who are you?
What are you doing
with that?

This!

(SCREAMS)

(GROANING)

Sweet dreams.

Not so fast,
Lone Starr.

Helmet.

So. At last we meet
for the first time
for the last time.

(INAUDIBLE)

Before you die,
there is something you should
know about us, Lone Starr.

What?

l am your father's
brother's nephew's
cousin's former roommate.

What's that make us?

Absolutely nothing!

Which is what
you are about to become.

Prepare to die.

You have the ring,
and I see your Schwartz
is as big as mine.

Now let's see
how well you handle it.

(BOTH GRUNTING)

(SCREAMING)

(STUTTERS)

He did it.

What?

Shit! I hate it
when l get
my Schwartz twisted.

Maybe if l put my leg
up on yours, we could
scoot apart, like...

Good. Yeah, on three.
One, two, three, go!

(CRACKLING)

(LAUGHING)

(BOTH GRUNTING)

(GROANING)

So, Lone Starr,
Yogurt has taught you well.

lf there's one thing
l despise,
it is a fair fight.

But if I must,
then I must.

May the best man win.

Put her there.

The ring! l can't believe
you fell for
the oldest trick in the book.

What a goof!
What's with you, man?
Come on.

You know what?
Here, let me give it
back to you.

Look at that!
You fell for that, too.

I can't believe it, man.

So, Lone Starr, now you see
that evil will always triumph

because good is dumb.

Very impressive,
Lone Starr.

Too bad this isn't
the Wide World of Sports.

YOGURT: Use the Schwartz,
Lone Starr.
Use the Schwartz.

I can't.
I lost the ring.

Forget the ring.
The ring is bupkis.

I found it
in a Cracker Jack box.

The Schwartz is in you,
Lone Starr. It's in you.

All right. I'll try.

Say goodbye to
your two best friends.

And l don't mean your pals
in the Winnebago.

(SCREAMING)

AUTOMATED VOICE:
Thank you for pressing
the self-destruct button.

This ship will self-destruct
in three minutes.

(ALARM BLARING)

What's going on?
Where the hell
are we? Paris?

Thank you for pressing
the self-destruct button.

This ship will self-destruct
in exactly two minutes
and 45 seconds.

You've got to stop it.
Is there any way
to stop it?

I can't.
It's irreversible.

Like my raincoat.

Attention, this is
Colonel Sandurz
in forward command.

Abandon ship!

All personnel proceed
to escape pods.

Close down the circus.
Evacuate the zoo.

The self-destruct mechanism
has been activated.
Abandon ship.

Sandurz, you gotta help me.
I don't know what to do.

I can't make decisions.
I'm a president!

AUTOMATED VOICE: This is
your two-minute warning.

This ship will self-destruct
in exactly two minutes.

SANDURZ ON PA:
Launch all escape pods
as soon as they are filled.

What's happening?
Where is he?

CHORUS: (SINGING)
Spaceballs

Watch out!

Where is he?
LONE STARR: Here.

We've got a minute and 40
before the end of the world.
Hang on.

Spaceballs

Full throttle.
Full throttle.

Go to hyper-jets!
Going to hyper-jets.

MAN: (SINGING)
lf you're livin' in a bubble
and you haven't got a care

Get out of there.
Where do you think
you're going?

Pizza to go!

Well, you're gonna
be in trouble

'Cause we're gonna
steal your air

'Cause what you got
is what we need

And all we do
is dirty deeds

We're the Spaceballs

Watch out!

'Cause we're
the Spaceballs

(GROWLING)

That's my escape pod.
Who are you?

I'm the bearded lady.
What are you,
one of the freaks?

(LAUGHING)

Come back!
That's my pod! No!

Come back, you fat,
bearded bitch!

One pod left.
And three of us.
And I'm the president.

Well, boys,
it's a very lovely ship.

I think you should
go down with it.

Goodbye!

What the hell's
the matter
with this seat belt?

(SCREAMING)

(GROWLS)

(LAUGHING)

Spaceballs

AUTOMATED VOICE:
This ship will self-destruct
in 20 seconds.

This is your last chance
to push
the cancellation button.

Cancellation button?
Hurry!

CHORUS: (SINGING)
Spaceballs

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

Where is it?

It's gotta be here.

SKROOB:
Out of order?

Fuck!
Even in the future
nothing works.

AUTOMATED VOICE:
This ship will self-destruct
in exactly 10 seconds.

(ALL SHUDDERING)

Counting down.

Ten. Nine.

Eight.

Six.

Six? What happened
to seven?

Just kidding.

There's
the other end.
Faster!

Seven.

Six. Five. Four.

Three. Two. One.

Have a nice day.

ALL: Thank you.

VESPA: We did it!

(ALL CHEERING)

(HOWLING)

We all did it.

(SPACEBALLS SCREAMING)

So, I guess you might
call that a case
of man bites droid?

On a sadder note,
Pizza the Hutt,

famed half man, half pizza,
was found dead earlier today

in the back seat
of his stretched limo.

Evidently,
the notorious gangster

became locked in his car
and ate himself to death.

Coming up, Pongo's review
of Rocky 5,000.

Pongo.

PONGO: Whoever said
when you've seen...

Did you hear that?
Pizza kicked the bucket.

Now we don't have to
pay him the million.
We can keep it for ourselves.

(SIGHING)

Daddy!

Vespa, my darling.
I thought I'd never
see you again.

My sweet little daughter.
I'm so happy that
you're home and safe.

And, little Vespa,
here's someone else
who's happy to see you.

Hello.
Where have you been?

(MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO)

Thanks, hon.

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

Hiya, big stuff.
Hi, dream.

What will you have?

We just got a coupIe minutes
whiIe we're gassing up.
What's ready?

I can give you
the space soup,
or the space special.

LONE STARR:
I'll have the soup.

Okay.

I'll have the cleavage.
Special.

Okay, one special
and one soup.

Ready to order?

Hi, yes.

We'll both have
the lunafish.

Anything to drink?

Hey, watch where
you're sticking
that thing.

(EXCLAIMS)

Look, it's got
a mind of its own,
sweetheart.

I can't do
a thing with it.

(HOWLING)

So, we were lost.
None of us knew
where we were.

And then Harry
began feeling around
on all the trees.

Then he said,
"I got it.
We on Pluto."

And we say,
"Harry, how can
you tell?"

He said,
"From the bark,
you dummies."

(GROANING)

Is he all right?

MAN 1: Yeah,
the guy digs me.

Hey, what's wrong
with this guy?

I don't know.

(JOHN GROANING)

Bring him
some water!

Water, my ass!
Bring this guy
some Pepto-Bismol!

Waitress!
What did he order?

He had the special.

That's what I ordered.
Change my order
to the soup.

Good move.

(GROANING)

(SNARLING)

Oh, no. Not again!

(EXCLAIMING)

(GROWLING)

(SINGING)
Hello, my baby
Hello, my honey

Hello, my ragtime gal

Send me a kiss by wire
Baby, my heart's on fire

If you refuse me,
Honey, you'll lose me

Then you'll be
left alone

Oh, baby,
telephone and tell me
I'm your own

BOTH: Check, please.

Five minutes
to magic time.

Are you all right,
my dear? You look
a little flighty.

Don't worry about me, Father.
I'm completely over him.

(SCOFFS)

Didn't even stay
for the wedding.

Just grabbed
his million space bucks
and ran.

He didn't
take the million.

He didn't?

No. He just took
248 space bucks for lunch,
gas and tolls.

I still can't believe
you turned down the money.

At least we could have
stayed for the wedding feast.
I'm starving.

Have you got
anything to eat?

Wait a minute.
Yogurt gave me
that fortune cookie.

Here, chow down.

Wow, thanks.
I'll split it
with you.

No.
Okay.

BOTH: Yogurt!

Hello, boys.

Well, you opened
your fortune cookie,
so here's your fortune.

Lone Starr, you know
that medallion that
you wear around your neck

but you don't know
what it means?

Here's what it means.
It's a royal
birth certificate.

Yes! Your father was a king.
Your mother was a queen.

Which makes you
a certified prince.

Hey, I'm a prince!

I'm a prince.
Which means...

Which means, if you hurry,
there could be
a princess in your future.

If you want to get back there
before she marries
Sleeping Beauty,

there's a special can of fuel
in your glove compartment.

Good luck, boys.

Bye, Yogurt.

And, Yogurt, thanks.

You're welcome.

And may the Schwartz
be with you!

(SCATTING GIBBERISH)

Barf, open that
glove compartment.

You got it,
Your Highness.

Wow! Liquid Schwartz!

Quick, pour it
in the emergency tank.

Right.

Look at that.

Done!

Hang on, Barf,
we're gonna
make spacetracks.

(ENGINES REVVING)

(SPACEBALLS SCREAMING)

(GULLS CAWING)

Dear me, what are
those things
coming out of her nose?

Hey, watch my helmet.

(GRUNTING)

Spaceballs?

Oh, shit.
There goes the Planet.

Dearly beloved,
we are gathered
here together

again.

Why didn't you tell me
he didn't take the money?

I didn't think
it was important.

May I continue,
please?

Besides, he asked me
not to tell you.

Thank you.

To join Princess Vespa
and Princess Valium...

I'm sorry,
it's the hair.

Prince Valium
in the bonds
of hoIy matrimony.

I see it all now.
Don't you see?
He Ioves me!

I'm trying to conduct
a wedding here,

which has nothing
to do with Iove.

Please be quiet.
I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, too.

Don't be sorry.
Be quiet!

ALL THREE: I'm sorry!

To join Princess Vespa
and Prince Valium

in the bonds of hoIy

(RUMBLING)
moIy!

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

Matrimony.

That's him!
I know it's him.
He's come back.

That's it! I'm gonna
take no more chances.
We're doing the short version.

Prince Valium, do you take
Princess Vespa to be
your lawfully wedded wife?

Princess Vespa, do you take
Prince Valium to be your
lawfully wedded husband?

(STUTTERING)
Well, I suppose.

Well...
Oh, I don't know.

LONE STARR:
No! She doesn't!

What?

(ALL GASPING)

Who the hell are you?

Prince Lone Starr.

Prince?

I just found out.
That's what this says.

I'm an honest to God prince.

Will you marry me?

Well, let me
think about it.

Yes.

I'm sick of this.

I don't give a damn
who it is, but I'm gonna
marry somebody today!

Who are you?
I'm the best man.

What's your name?
Barf.

Your full name.

BarfoIomew.

Are you the one
that's getting married?

No.

Then get over there!

Okay, here we go.
The short, short version.

Do you?
Yes.

Do you?
Yes!

Good. You're married.
Kiss her.

I Iove you.

(SNIFFLING)
Well, goodbye, Virgin Alarm.

(SPACEBALLS PLAYING)

MAN: (SINGING)
If you're livin' in a bubble
and you haven't got a care

Well, you're gonna
be in trouble

'Cause we're gonna
steal your air

'Cause what you got
is what we need

And all we do
is dirty deeds

We're the Spaceballs

CHORUS: Watch out!

'Cause we're
the Spaceballs

We're the masters of space

MAN: Hey,
don't mess around

With the Spaceballs

Going cruising
in a spaceship

We're so good at being bad

We'll destroy
your little planet
if you ever get us mad

We're mothers of the galaxy

You better scatter
when you see

The Spaceballs!

Watch out!

We're the Spaceballs

We're the masters of space

Say what?
Don't mess around

With the Spaceballs

Watch out!

We're mothers of the galaxy

We're gonna take
the air you breathe

Oh, Spaceballs!

Watch out!

We're the Spaceballs

We're the masters of space

Don't mess around
with the Spaceballs

Duck!
Watch out!

We're the Spaceballs

We're the masters of space

Don't mess around
with the Spaceballs

Watch out!

We've got
a bossin' little ship

So you better
watch your lip

'Cause we're the Spaceballs

Watch out!

You may think
that you are bad

But believe you can be had

By the Spaceballs

Watch out!

We're the Spaceballs

Watch out!

We're the Spaceballs

We're the masters of space

Don't mess around
with the Spaceballs

We're so bad and mean

We make nightmares
out of dreams

We're the Spaceballs

You better

Watch out!

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