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♪ Terrible Tudors,
gorgeous Georgians
Slimy Stuarts, vile Victorians
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00:00:04,120 --> 00:00:07,000
♪ Woeful wars, ferocious fights
Dingy castles, daring knights
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00:00:07,000 --> 00:00:09,880
♪ Horrors that defy description
Cut-throat Celts, awful Egyptians
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00:00:09,880 --> 00:00:12,480
♪ Vicious Vikings, cruel crimes
Punishment from ancient times
5
00:00:12,480 --> 00:00:15,560
♪ Romans, rotten, rank and ruthless
Cavemen, savage, fierce
and toothless
6
00:00:15,560 --> 00:00:17,880
♪ Groovy Greeks, brainy sages
Mean and measly Middle Ages
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00:00:17,880 --> 00:00:20,600
♪ Gory stories, we do that
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00:00:20,600 --> 00:00:23,440
♪ And your host, a talking rat
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00:00:23,440 --> 00:00:26,080
♪ The past is no longer a mystery
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00:00:26,080 --> 00:00:27,520
♪ Welcome to...
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00:00:27,520 --> 00:00:31,680
♪ Horrible Histories. ♪
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00:00:31,680 --> 00:00:34,320
Horrible Histories presents...
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00:00:37,800 --> 00:00:40,440
The ancient history of
the human race is rich
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00:00:40,440 --> 00:00:42,800
with great civilisations.
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00:00:42,800 --> 00:00:46,200
Entire empires and peoples
who changed the world
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00:00:46,200 --> 00:00:50,480
with their ideas, strength
and scientific advances.
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00:00:50,480 --> 00:00:54,080
But in each one, we rats were
right there alongside you,
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00:00:54,080 --> 00:00:56,400
eating your garbage
and weeing in your houses.
19
00:00:56,400 --> 00:00:58,040
You're welcome.
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00:00:58,040 --> 00:00:59,960
Yes, even at the dawn of humankind,
21
00:00:59,960 --> 00:01:03,320
when your distant cousins,
the Neanderthals, were still around,
22
00:01:03,320 --> 00:01:05,960
my ancient cousin Ratto Ratto
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00:01:05,960 --> 00:01:09,120
was there to entertain
with his impressions.
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00:01:09,120 --> 00:01:11,280
RATTO BAAS
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00:01:11,280 --> 00:01:13,720
That impression of sheep.
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00:01:13,720 --> 00:01:16,360
Yeah, all right,
they're not that entertaining.
27
00:01:16,360 --> 00:01:18,560
Your cousins weren't
any more impressive.
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00:01:19,960 --> 00:01:23,880
New from Horrible Music,
the enchanting sounds of prehistory.
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00:01:23,880 --> 00:01:26,440
It's Neanderthal Choral Classics.
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00:01:26,440 --> 00:01:29,880
Before instruments, before
real language, before modern humans,
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00:01:29,880 --> 00:01:32,880
there lived Neanderthals,
with their beautiful voice.
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00:01:32,880 --> 00:01:35,240
HE SCREECHES
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00:01:35,240 --> 00:01:39,160
Relax and unwind with a selection
of timeless classics -
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00:01:39,160 --> 00:01:40,960
the golden age of rock.
35
00:01:40,960 --> 00:01:42,920
Well, rocks.
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00:01:42,920 --> 00:01:44,080
From massive club hits,
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00:01:44,080 --> 00:01:47,960
HE GRUNTS, SCREECHES
..to haunting romantic duets.
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00:01:47,960 --> 00:01:50,960
Woman! Berries!
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00:01:50,960 --> 00:01:54,000
The unique shape of the Neanderthal
throat, combined with their
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00:01:54,000 --> 00:01:56,160
powerful chest and massive noses,
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00:01:56,160 --> 00:01:58,440
creates a sound you'll never forget!
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00:01:58,440 --> 00:02:00,120
THEY BOTH SCREECH
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00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:01,920
Just perfect for soothing lullabies.
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00:02:01,920 --> 00:02:05,560
BOTH: Baby sleep, baby sleep.
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00:02:05,560 --> 00:02:07,720
BABY CRIES
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Ahh, he's singing.
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00:02:10,960 --> 00:02:14,640
For the first time
on one compilation.
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00:02:14,640 --> 00:02:19,600
HE SING ASCENDING NOTES OUT OF TUNE
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00:02:21,360 --> 00:02:23,560
Neanderthal Choral Classics,
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00:02:23,560 --> 00:02:26,320
the unique sound that will
echo through the ages.
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00:02:26,320 --> 00:02:29,640
Order today and get a
free mammoth song relaxation CD.
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THUDDING
Mammoth!
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THEY ALL SCREAM, MAMMOTH TRUMPETS
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Neanderthal Choral Classics.
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It's a mammoth hit.
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00:02:41,880 --> 00:02:44,920
Those Neanderthals actually
lived at the same time
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00:02:44,920 --> 00:02:47,080
as early humans like me.
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00:02:47,080 --> 00:02:49,600
Did you know we even invented
things in the stone age
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00:02:49,600 --> 00:02:53,120
that you still use today?
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00:02:53,120 --> 00:02:58,280
Friends, I have an invention that
is going to change the world.
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00:02:58,280 --> 00:03:01,800
I call it the wheel.
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00:03:03,200 --> 00:03:06,760
The whe-e-el? Wheel?
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00:03:06,760 --> 00:03:12,600
Yeah, because WE'LL
all benefit from it, so WHEEL.
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00:03:12,600 --> 00:03:15,240
Ah, it's a working title,
I'll probably change it.
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00:03:15,240 --> 00:03:18,440
Anyway, the point is it
helps you move heavy things
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00:03:18,440 --> 00:03:20,840
with hardly any effort.
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00:03:20,840 --> 00:03:24,880
It don't work. Ah, see,
you're doing it wrong.
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00:03:24,880 --> 00:03:26,800
So, you stand it up like this,
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00:03:26,800 --> 00:03:31,640
hold, and then you put
a stick in there
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00:03:31,640 --> 00:03:33,880
and then it moves.
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00:03:33,880 --> 00:03:35,880
See? Clever, isn't it?
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00:03:35,880 --> 00:03:37,800
Where do you put the turnips?
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00:03:37,800 --> 00:03:39,200
Well, I'm coming to that.
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00:03:39,200 --> 00:03:41,680
I'll be honest with you,
I prefer my sack.
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00:03:41,680 --> 00:03:44,760
Friends, I too have an invention.
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00:03:44,760 --> 00:03:46,280
And it's better than yours.
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00:03:46,280 --> 00:03:47,560
This should be good.
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00:03:47,560 --> 00:03:49,640
Yeah, it is, actually.
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00:03:49,640 --> 00:03:50,680
I present...
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00:03:53,240 --> 00:03:55,960
..the other wheel. Oh!
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00:03:55,960 --> 00:03:58,640
Yeah! What do you mean, "Oh!"
He's copied me.
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00:03:58,640 --> 00:04:00,480
No, I haven't, cos yours
is rubbish.
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00:04:00,480 --> 00:04:03,080
You can't carry anything on that.
But with mine...
84
00:04:04,680 --> 00:04:06,200
There you go.
85
00:04:07,520 --> 00:04:12,040
Nice. Two more at the other end, a
bit of a platform and WE'LL benefit.
86
00:04:12,040 --> 00:04:14,640
You could get the whole family on
that, but, at the same time,
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00:04:14,640 --> 00:04:16,880
it's handy if you're just nipping
out for a turnip.
88
00:04:16,880 --> 00:04:18,400
Hello, original inventor here.
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00:04:18,400 --> 00:04:19,880
Does it come in granite?
90
00:04:19,880 --> 00:04:22,280
Fine, I am going to
the next village.
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00:04:22,280 --> 00:04:25,400
Perhaps there
they will appreciate my genius.
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00:04:26,560 --> 00:04:29,680
SHE GRUNTS
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00:04:29,680 --> 00:04:33,360
Yeah, you know what would help
you there? Yes, I know.
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00:04:33,360 --> 00:04:36,080
Are you a caveman
using moss to wipe your bum?
95
00:04:37,240 --> 00:04:39,920
Are you a Roman freshening up
with a shared poo stick?
96
00:04:39,920 --> 00:04:41,280
Get out.
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00:04:41,280 --> 00:04:43,720
Are you the Frenchman who said
the best thing to wipe your bum
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00:04:43,720 --> 00:04:45,360
with was a goose head?
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00:04:45,360 --> 00:04:48,960
Come on, it was a joke,
I use a cloth.
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00:04:48,960 --> 00:04:50,680
Who would actually use a goose?
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00:04:50,680 --> 00:04:52,840
GOOSE HONKS
Shh.
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00:04:52,840 --> 00:04:55,000
Then you need new toilet paper.
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00:04:55,000 --> 00:04:57,760
What's toilet paper?
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00:04:57,760 --> 00:04:59,840
What is a toilet?
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00:04:59,840 --> 00:05:02,120
New toilet paper from China
is soft, disposable
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00:05:02,120 --> 00:05:03,480
and mass-produced in sheets.
107
00:05:03,480 --> 00:05:05,280
HE FARTS
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00:05:05,280 --> 00:05:07,360
That sounds amazing. Count me in.
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00:05:07,360 --> 00:05:08,800
What is a toilet?
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00:05:08,800 --> 00:05:11,520
Keep your bottom clean
and healthy with new toilet paper,
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00:05:11,520 --> 00:05:14,280
as used by the Chinese Emperor
since 1391.
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00:05:14,280 --> 00:05:16,800
Warning, original Chinese
toilet paper, smallest size,
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00:05:16,800 --> 00:05:18,000
one-metre squared.
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00:05:18,000 --> 00:05:21,640
How big is
the Chinese Emperor's bum?
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00:05:21,640 --> 00:05:25,160
Onto ancient Egypt, land
of the pharaohs, where rat history
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00:05:25,160 --> 00:05:28,040
and human history
once again look similar.
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00:05:28,040 --> 00:05:30,880
You may have had
mighty pharaoh Ramesses II,
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00:05:30,880 --> 00:05:33,920
but we had Rattesses XII.
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00:05:33,920 --> 00:05:36,600
Ramesses built entire cities
and filled them
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00:05:36,600 --> 00:05:40,320
with statues, whilst Rattesses tried
to make a sculpture out of poo
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00:05:40,320 --> 00:05:46,080
and then ate it, so maybe
your pharaoh is better after all.
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00:05:46,080 --> 00:05:49,800
But he wasn't perfect,
just look at what he built.
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00:05:49,800 --> 00:05:52,280
Welcome to Historical Grand Designs.
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00:05:52,280 --> 00:05:54,600
Ramesses and his wife
Nefertari have
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00:05:54,600 --> 00:05:57,680
won many battles and built
incredible cities and monuments,
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00:05:57,680 --> 00:06:01,080
none more so than the one
they're planning right now.
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00:06:01,080 --> 00:06:03,600
Ramesses II, great
to meet you and, eh...
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00:06:03,600 --> 00:06:06,320
Yeah, it is great to meet me.
RAMESSES LAUGHS
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00:06:06,320 --> 00:06:09,920
Welcome, welcome to the mansion
of the millions of years,
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00:06:09,920 --> 00:06:11,840
of Usermaatre Setepenre,
131
00:06:11,840 --> 00:06:15,080
which joined with Thebes
in the domain of Amun.
132
00:06:15,080 --> 00:06:17,960
We're going to call it the
Ramesseum for short, my idea.
133
00:06:17,960 --> 00:06:20,240
Yes, it's real gold.
134
00:06:20,240 --> 00:06:23,280
Silly question, but where on Earth
are you guys going to sleep?
135
00:06:23,280 --> 00:06:25,200
Oh, no, no, no,
wrong end of the stick, big guy.
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00:06:25,200 --> 00:06:27,680
No, we're not going to live here,
I'm building this place
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00:06:27,680 --> 00:06:29,840
so that people can worship me
after I'm dead.
138
00:06:29,840 --> 00:06:33,880
Worship us. Worship us, darling.
You did promise.
139
00:06:35,680 --> 00:06:37,600
And what's going to go over there?
140
00:06:37,600 --> 00:06:40,240
Yeah, I'm thinking a
massive statue of me,
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00:06:40,240 --> 00:06:43,400
with my name carved in extra deep,
so that no future pharaohs
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00:06:43,400 --> 00:06:46,440
can come along and chip it off
and pretend it's them, like I do.
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00:06:46,440 --> 00:06:48,440
HE LAUGHS
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00:06:48,440 --> 00:06:51,000
And what about over there,
what's going there?
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00:06:51,000 --> 00:06:54,400
I'm thinking another
massive statue of me.
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00:06:54,400 --> 00:06:57,320
What about over there - another
massive, er, statue of you?
147
00:06:57,320 --> 00:06:59,440
No, no. A statue of me?
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00:06:59,440 --> 00:07:01,000
Two statues of me.
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00:07:01,000 --> 00:07:02,640
Big fellas. Whoa.
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00:07:05,840 --> 00:07:07,040
OK, all right.
151
00:07:07,040 --> 00:07:10,800
In fact, Ramesses plans to
fill the entire Ramesseum
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00:07:10,800 --> 00:07:12,640
with statues of himself.
153
00:07:13,920 --> 00:07:17,960
I just wonder if it might be
a tiny bit statue-heavy.
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00:07:19,680 --> 00:07:24,200
Ramesses and Nefertari, it's been
a lot of work, has it been worth it?
155
00:07:24,200 --> 00:07:27,440
Er, I don't know, ask the slaves.
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00:07:27,440 --> 00:07:29,680
I'm joking, please don't
speak to the slaves.
157
00:07:30,880 --> 00:07:33,880
So there you have it.
What better legacy could Ramesses
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00:07:33,880 --> 00:07:37,760
leave behind than a temple
full to the brim with big...
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00:07:37,760 --> 00:07:39,080
Headed.
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00:07:39,080 --> 00:07:41,080
..statues. Of me.
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HE LAUGHS
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00:07:44,040 --> 00:07:46,880
I kind of do the sign-offs,
but, you know...
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00:07:46,880 --> 00:07:49,520
Ramesses, Ramesses.
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00:07:49,520 --> 00:07:51,960
I've found it, Ramesses.
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00:07:51,960 --> 00:07:53,600
Oh, hello there.
166
00:07:53,600 --> 00:07:57,640
Just looking for my husband,
the great pharaoh Ramesses II.
167
00:07:57,640 --> 00:08:02,640
He's lost something very important,
part of his pharaoh costume.
168
00:08:02,640 --> 00:08:05,120
Can you tell me what
strange thing he wears
169
00:08:05,120 --> 00:08:07,320
to show people he's the boss?
170
00:08:09,120 --> 00:08:10,880
Is it...
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00:08:16,680 --> 00:08:18,720
Well, the answer is...
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00:08:18,720 --> 00:08:23,960
B, it's a bull's tail that
attaches to the back of his costume
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00:08:23,960 --> 00:08:25,800
on important occasions.
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00:08:25,800 --> 00:08:29,560
Pin your tail on the pharaoh
kind of thing.
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00:08:29,560 --> 00:08:34,040
Hey, Ramesses,
I'm coming to get you.
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00:08:35,720 --> 00:08:39,560
HE LAUGHS
You wouldn't catch
Rattesses XII wearing a silly
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00:08:39,560 --> 00:08:42,440
bull's tail to look good, no.
178
00:08:42,440 --> 00:08:45,600
Mind you, he did carry
a rotten cabbage leaf on his head.
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00:08:45,600 --> 00:08:48,320
Well, you never know when
you're going to get hungry, do you?
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00:08:48,320 --> 00:08:54,280
He was a hero, unlike my
Greek ancestor, Herorattus.
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00:08:54,280 --> 00:08:56,080
Boo.
RECORD SCRATCH
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00:08:56,080 --> 00:08:59,880
HE LAUGHS
He might have had hero in his name,
183
00:08:59,880 --> 00:09:01,760
but he was a proper villain.
184
00:09:01,760 --> 00:09:05,000
Legend had it, he once ate all
the cheese in ancient Athens
185
00:09:05,000 --> 00:09:07,280
and then did a doo-doo
in the cheese box.
186
00:09:07,280 --> 00:09:09,840
I think there was a human villain
called something similar
187
00:09:09,840 --> 00:09:11,760
who was just as unpopular.
188
00:09:12,960 --> 00:09:17,600
People of Ephesus, our city has
suffered a terrible crime.
189
00:09:17,600 --> 00:09:20,560
The Temple of Artimis, one of
the seven wonders of the world,
190
00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:24,520
has been burned to the ground
by the villain Herostratus.
191
00:09:24,520 --> 00:09:26,160
Oh, no. Oh, no.
192
00:09:26,160 --> 00:09:28,840
He committed the crime
for one reason only -
193
00:09:28,840 --> 00:09:32,040
to make himself famous.
194
00:09:32,040 --> 00:09:33,160
That's typical.
195
00:09:33,160 --> 00:09:37,600
To deny him this, it is henceforth
forbidden, on pain of death,
196
00:09:37,600 --> 00:09:40,400
to speak the name Herostratus.
197
00:09:40,400 --> 00:09:41,960
You just said it.
198
00:09:41,960 --> 00:09:44,400
No. No, no, no,
it's not started yet.
199
00:09:45,480 --> 00:09:51,160
So the law against saying
Herostratus actually starts no...
200
00:09:52,880 --> 00:09:57,200
THEY ALL SAY "HEROSTRATUS"
201
00:09:57,200 --> 00:09:58,920
..now.
202
00:09:58,920 --> 00:10:01,440
What about writing it down?
203
00:10:01,440 --> 00:10:04,680
I mean, if you write it down it's
not the same as saying Herostratus.
204
00:10:04,680 --> 00:10:07,520
THEY ALL GASP
Oh! Right, he said it, arrest him.
205
00:10:07,520 --> 00:10:10,160
No, no, I didn't, I didn't.
I said hero stabilisers.
206
00:10:10,160 --> 00:10:11,640
That's what I said, didn't I?
207
00:10:11,640 --> 00:10:14,320
Yeah, it's a different thing.
It's made up, it's made up.
208
00:10:14,320 --> 00:10:16,960
That's good. Er, right.
209
00:10:16,960 --> 00:10:19,160
Just not Herostratus.
THEY ALL GASP
210
00:10:19,160 --> 00:10:21,000
Argh! Oh, fair enough.
211
00:10:21,000 --> 00:10:23,480
STABBING, GRUNTING
Sorry I'm late, everyone.
212
00:10:23,480 --> 00:10:27,000
What have I missed? There's
a new law. You can't mention...
213
00:10:27,000 --> 00:10:30,600
..you know. No, I don't know,
I've only just arrived.
214
00:10:31,720 --> 00:10:33,360
H-He...
215
00:10:33,360 --> 00:10:36,120
He who must not be named.
216
00:10:36,120 --> 00:10:37,640
Voldemort?
217
00:10:39,320 --> 00:10:40,360
Thanks very much.
218
00:10:42,080 --> 00:10:44,040
Sorry, I can't read.
219
00:10:44,040 --> 00:10:45,600
What does that say?
220
00:10:45,600 --> 00:10:47,560
Herostratus.
THEY ALL GASP
221
00:10:47,560 --> 00:10:50,160
He said it! Said what? Herostratus!
222
00:10:50,160 --> 00:10:52,920
Ah! Ah! Who's Herostratus?
You said it!
223
00:10:52,920 --> 00:10:55,680
Everybody's got to stop
saying Herostratus!
224
00:10:55,680 --> 00:10:57,480
He's at it again! What's happened?
225
00:10:57,480 --> 00:10:59,360
Someone must have said Herostratus.
226
00:10:59,360 --> 00:11:00,960
I'm under arrest!
227
00:11:00,960 --> 00:11:04,120
He said Herostratus!
Ah, I did it again!
228
00:11:05,880 --> 00:11:08,360
It wasn't all villainy
and silliness,
229
00:11:08,360 --> 00:11:12,000
Ancient Greece is responsible
for some incredible artistic
230
00:11:12,000 --> 00:11:15,240
masterpieces that
still survive today.
231
00:11:19,640 --> 00:11:21,320
Hello, I'm Swill Gumbitz
232
00:11:21,320 --> 00:11:25,400
and welcome to a special
HH News cultural report.
233
00:11:25,400 --> 00:11:29,600
Greek statues, beautiful, elegant,
but where do they come from?
234
00:11:29,600 --> 00:11:31,520
I've narrowed it down to Greece.
235
00:11:31,520 --> 00:11:34,880
Which is why I've come to Ancient
Greece itself to see the statues
236
00:11:34,880 --> 00:11:37,200
of the great sculpture Phidias,
237
00:11:37,200 --> 00:11:39,760
as they were originally
intended to be seen.
238
00:11:39,760 --> 00:11:41,080
Their pale white...
239
00:11:41,080 --> 00:11:43,240
Oi! Stop that, you vandal.
240
00:11:43,240 --> 00:11:44,360
What, where?
241
00:11:46,040 --> 00:11:49,120
Well, Phidias's art can be enjoyed
across the world, but it seems
242
00:11:49,120 --> 00:11:52,800
even his work in Ancient Greece
itself is not safe from vandals.
243
00:11:52,800 --> 00:11:54,440
You, sir, are a hooligan.
244
00:11:54,440 --> 00:11:56,880
No, I'm not I'm an Athenian.
No, I mean...
245
00:11:56,880 --> 00:11:58,120
Right, give me that brush.
246
00:11:58,120 --> 00:12:00,480
What-what on Earth is going on?
247
00:12:00,480 --> 00:12:02,960
This idiot is painting
bright colours all over these
248
00:12:02,960 --> 00:12:05,320
beautiful statues.
It'll take weeks to wash it off.
249
00:12:05,320 --> 00:12:07,480
Stop it. What are you doing?
250
00:12:07,480 --> 00:12:10,320
Greek statues are supposed
to be painted.
251
00:12:10,320 --> 00:12:16,760
I don't think they are. They are.
I don't think they are. They are.
I don't think they are.
252
00:12:16,760 --> 00:12:19,200
I'm an Ancient Greek,
trust me, I know.
253
00:12:19,200 --> 00:12:22,120
But the museums of the future
are full of lovely plain white ones.
254
00:12:22,120 --> 00:12:26,040
Well, then the paint must have faded
or some idiots washed it off.
255
00:12:26,040 --> 00:12:27,600
A hoolihen like you.
256
00:12:27,600 --> 00:12:29,760
Hooligan. See, he admits it. Ah.
257
00:12:29,760 --> 00:12:33,600
So if these are meant to be painted
then you're, erm...
258
00:12:33,600 --> 00:12:37,880
Phidias! Can I just say what
an honour it is to have met you.
259
00:12:37,880 --> 00:12:39,200
No.
260
00:12:39,200 --> 00:12:40,600
So there you have it -
261
00:12:40,600 --> 00:12:43,000
painting was in fact all
the rage in Ancient Greece,
262
00:12:43,000 --> 00:12:46,520
so what better way for me to
sign off than having a go myself.
263
00:12:46,520 --> 00:12:48,560
I'm Swill Gumbitz, goodbye.
264
00:12:51,880 --> 00:12:53,400
Can you tell which one's mine?
265
00:12:55,120 --> 00:12:58,440
Men of the Sacred Band of Thebes,
266
00:12:58,440 --> 00:13:03,600
we are famous across the world,
armies quake at our name,
267
00:13:03,600 --> 00:13:07,920
because they know that for every man
we face, they face two.
268
00:13:07,920 --> 00:13:13,840
Ho-ha! We are the only regiment
in the world made up of couples.
269
00:13:13,840 --> 00:13:16,440
Ho-ha! Excuse me. Hi.
270
00:13:16,440 --> 00:13:19,000
Sorry. Sorry, everyone.
We're late, carry on.
271
00:13:19,000 --> 00:13:21,200
WE weren't late, he was. Typical.
272
00:13:21,200 --> 00:13:23,160
A bit of forward planning
wouldn't go amiss.
273
00:13:23,160 --> 00:13:25,560
Can we not do this now, please?
274
00:13:25,560 --> 00:13:27,880
WHISPERED: I'm sorry.
275
00:13:27,880 --> 00:13:32,600
We fight in pairs because
we know that no matter what,
276
00:13:32,600 --> 00:13:38,320
when our lives are in danger
our partners will be there for us.
277
00:13:38,320 --> 00:13:40,200
That'd be a nice change,
wouldn't it? Oh...
278
00:13:40,200 --> 00:13:43,680
Men, on my signal, march!
279
00:13:43,680 --> 00:13:45,520
ALL: Ho-ha! Hang on.
280
00:13:45,520 --> 00:13:46,600
What?
281
00:13:46,600 --> 00:13:48,360
One second. Sorry, Malcolm.
282
00:13:48,360 --> 00:13:50,240
I really think we should
talk about this now.
283
00:13:50,240 --> 00:13:52,320
I would hate for you to have
this playing on your mind
284
00:13:52,320 --> 00:13:54,880
when you're supposed to be
protecting me from a Spartan attack.
285
00:13:54,880 --> 00:13:56,440
Well, what if I
don't want to talk now?
286
00:13:56,440 --> 00:13:58,640
What do you mean? You just wanted...
You can't...
287
00:13:58,640 --> 00:14:00,760
Guys, can we please speed it up.
288
00:14:00,760 --> 00:14:03,720
I mean, we do have
a battle to go to.
289
00:14:03,720 --> 00:14:05,120
I don't want to lose just because
290
00:14:05,120 --> 00:14:08,320
of some petty argument
about someone being late.
291
00:14:08,320 --> 00:14:10,280
So being late isn't important, hmm?
292
00:14:10,280 --> 00:14:12,680
Two hours my mum kept
that meal warm for you.
293
00:14:12,680 --> 00:14:15,480
I didn't... I didn't mean that.
And please don't undermine me
294
00:14:15,480 --> 00:14:17,840
in front of my men,
it's embarrassing.
295
00:14:17,840 --> 00:14:19,400
Excuse me.
296
00:14:19,400 --> 00:14:21,920
OK... I mean our men, our men.
297
00:14:21,920 --> 00:14:23,480
Oh, typical. This is
so typical of you.
298
00:14:23,480 --> 00:14:25,400
Why is that typical of me?
It's always the same.
299
00:14:25,400 --> 00:14:27,840
I don't think we should
be doing this in front of the men.
300
00:14:27,840 --> 00:14:30,080
I don't think we should be
doing it, but we are. OK...
301
00:14:30,080 --> 00:14:31,760
Look, all right, all right.
302
00:14:31,760 --> 00:14:34,000
If we all argue
we will miss the battle.
303
00:14:34,000 --> 00:14:37,040
Not like you to miss something.
Oh, here we go again.
304
00:14:37,040 --> 00:14:39,000
Yes, here we go again, actually.
Unbelievable.
305
00:14:39,000 --> 00:14:42,280
THEY ALL ARGUE
306
00:14:44,720 --> 00:14:48,400
You see, this is why we Spartans
don't allow couples in our army.
307
00:14:48,400 --> 00:14:50,320
Hey, don't push him, please.
308
00:14:50,320 --> 00:14:52,640
Shovey Sheila.
309
00:14:52,640 --> 00:14:54,280
Shall we attack?
310
00:14:54,280 --> 00:14:56,960
I'm not getting
in the middle of that.
311
00:14:56,960 --> 00:14:58,640
Me and Ratalie went to war once.
312
00:14:58,640 --> 00:15:02,480
Yeah, she threw a rotten carrot
at me for snoring.
313
00:15:02,480 --> 00:15:06,400
I shall treasure it
as a symbol of our love forever.
314
00:15:06,400 --> 00:15:09,680
Or at least until I get hungry.
HE CHUCKLES
315
00:15:09,680 --> 00:15:13,480
Now, let me introduce you to
a less famous civilisation,
316
00:15:13,480 --> 00:15:16,520
the ancient Assyrian Empire
in the Middle East.
317
00:15:17,880 --> 00:15:21,080
The Ancient Assyrians
invented loads of things,
318
00:15:21,080 --> 00:15:24,440
including the postal service
and even parking tickets.
319
00:15:24,440 --> 00:15:27,880
Which is actually kind of weird
because they didn't have cars,
320
00:15:27,880 --> 00:15:30,680
not that it stopped those
pesky traffic wardens.
321
00:15:33,920 --> 00:15:36,840
No, no, no, don't give me a ticket.
I was only gone five minutes
322
00:15:36,840 --> 00:15:38,680
and I left me hazard candles on.
323
00:15:38,680 --> 00:15:41,520
Can't you read, sir? No.
324
00:15:41,520 --> 00:15:44,240
That is a road sign.
325
00:15:44,240 --> 00:15:45,520
I've never heard of them.
326
00:15:45,520 --> 00:15:47,040
Well, they're new.
327
00:15:47,040 --> 00:15:50,200
It says, "Royal road,
let no man lessen it."
328
00:15:50,200 --> 00:15:51,640
What does that mean?
329
00:15:51,640 --> 00:15:54,240
It means the king of Assyria
has designated
330
00:15:54,240 --> 00:15:58,200
the processional on the way
to Nineveh as urban freeway.
331
00:15:58,200 --> 00:15:59,800
What does that mean?
332
00:15:59,800 --> 00:16:02,240
It means no parking. So why
doesn't it just say that then?
333
00:16:02,240 --> 00:16:03,960
Because none of you can read.
334
00:16:03,960 --> 00:16:06,720
And also I think the "royal road,
let no man lessen it,"
335
00:16:06,720 --> 00:16:09,160
sounds somehow more
kingly, don't you think?
336
00:16:09,160 --> 00:16:12,680
He should have just drawn a little
cart with a line going through it.
337
00:16:12,680 --> 00:16:14,920
Anyway, you're going
to have to get towed, sir. Uh.
338
00:16:14,920 --> 00:16:18,160
MAN BEEPS
No, not my cart.
I need it for work.
339
00:16:18,160 --> 00:16:19,920
It's not going to
get impounded, is it?
340
00:16:19,920 --> 00:16:22,720
The cart isn't getting towed,
sir, you are. Huh?
341
00:16:22,720 --> 00:16:24,800
Don't worry, you're not going
to get impounded.
342
00:16:24,800 --> 00:16:26,280
Oh, good.
343
00:16:26,280 --> 00:16:27,880
You're going to get impaled.
344
00:16:27,880 --> 00:16:30,440
Yes, the punishment
for parking on the royal road.
345
00:16:30,440 --> 00:16:32,080
Impaled, what do you mean?
346
00:16:34,040 --> 00:16:36,320
Does this diagram help?
347
00:16:36,320 --> 00:16:38,640
A little man with
a line going through it.
348
00:16:38,640 --> 00:16:40,280
What? Oi!
349
00:16:42,000 --> 00:16:45,360
Oi, this is a no-right-turn junction
350
00:16:45,360 --> 00:16:46,880
So what?
351
00:16:46,880 --> 00:16:49,880
There's plenty of room on the stick.
352
00:16:49,880 --> 00:16:52,680
Alexander The Great
was one of the most famous leaders
353
00:16:52,680 --> 00:16:57,360
of Ancient Greece, who ruled
a part of it called Macedon.
354
00:16:57,360 --> 00:17:01,960
He created a huge empire when
he conquered large parts of Asia
355
00:17:01,960 --> 00:17:05,200
and Africa. He was a great general
356
00:17:05,200 --> 00:17:08,960
but he rarely gets any credit
for his softer side.
357
00:17:11,200 --> 00:17:14,520
Well, that's India conquered.
Hail the Great Alexander.
358
00:17:14,520 --> 00:17:16,080
Hail me!
359
00:17:16,080 --> 00:17:19,480
Ah, a local dignitary.
What priceless cultural treasure
360
00:17:19,480 --> 00:17:22,520
are you going to offer me to
take home to Macedonia in glory?
361
00:17:22,520 --> 00:17:25,360
Erm... Ooh, well, er...
362
00:17:25,360 --> 00:17:30,040
W-we've got this. Could I...?
363
00:17:33,400 --> 00:17:35,040
What the Hades was that?
364
00:17:35,040 --> 00:17:38,360
We call it kissing.
It's very important in our culture.
365
00:17:38,360 --> 00:17:42,440
By priceless I meant as in,
priceless spices and jewellery,
366
00:17:42,440 --> 00:17:44,200
not some crazy
person's slobbery lips
367
00:17:44,200 --> 00:17:47,080
all over my face.
Urgh, it's all slimy!
368
00:17:47,080 --> 00:17:50,120
It's kissing.
We think it's very nice.
369
00:17:50,120 --> 00:17:52,960
People here love it.
I'm sure it's not hygienic.
370
00:17:52,960 --> 00:17:55,720
Mind you, neither is slaughtering
people on the battlefield.
371
00:17:55,720 --> 00:17:59,360
It only feels gross
because we're strangers.
372
00:17:59,360 --> 00:18:03,640
You're supposed to do it
with the object of your love.
373
00:18:03,640 --> 00:18:07,160
Like I love my sword?
374
00:18:07,160 --> 00:18:09,080
Ow! Oh, don't do that.
375
00:18:09,080 --> 00:18:12,240
No, I mean, you do it with a person.
376
00:18:12,240 --> 00:18:16,240
A person that you love,
you know, like a pretty girl.
377
00:18:16,240 --> 00:18:18,440
HE SNIGGERS
378
00:18:18,440 --> 00:18:21,440
Really? Yuck, your greatness.
379
00:18:21,440 --> 00:18:23,600
Or-or family...
380
00:18:23,600 --> 00:18:25,360
..or even a close friend.
381
00:18:31,280 --> 00:18:36,560
So you're saying if I kissed,
say, Eudemus...
382
00:18:36,560 --> 00:18:38,800
THEY CHUCKLE
383
00:18:38,800 --> 00:18:40,520
..I'd like it.
384
00:18:40,520 --> 00:18:41,600
Perhaps.
385
00:18:42,880 --> 00:18:45,000
HE CLEARS HIS THROAT
386
00:18:45,000 --> 00:18:46,400
You good? Mm-hm.
387
00:18:50,480 --> 00:18:52,120
I did like that.
388
00:18:52,120 --> 00:18:53,520
You see? Eh, eh?
389
00:18:53,520 --> 00:18:56,880
I think this kissing thing
could really catch on, actually.
390
00:18:56,880 --> 00:18:59,120
Am I getting the hang of it?
Oh, yeah. Let's go again.
391
00:18:59,120 --> 00:19:00,240
No, you're all right.
392
00:19:01,520 --> 00:19:03,160
You then, pucker up.
393
00:19:04,640 --> 00:19:08,400
Oh, no, it stopped working.
That was horrible.
394
00:19:08,400 --> 00:19:11,440
Work on your kissing,
soldier, it's an order.
395
00:19:11,440 --> 00:19:13,040
I quite liked it, your greatness,
396
00:19:13,040 --> 00:19:15,960
I never knew kissing tasted quite
so much like pickled onions.
397
00:19:15,960 --> 00:19:18,000
They do taste a bit like
pickled onions.
398
00:19:18,000 --> 00:19:19,520
Really? I'm not getting that.
399
00:19:21,720 --> 00:19:24,360
HE SNIFFS
Oh, wow. do excuse me. I just...
400
00:19:27,800 --> 00:19:31,240
We rats have never been big
on kissing, it's quite vulgar
401
00:19:31,240 --> 00:19:34,600
when compared to
the more traditional bum sniff.
402
00:19:34,600 --> 00:19:36,480
Oh, yes, I'm quite the gentleman,
403
00:19:36,480 --> 00:19:40,600
just like my ancient relative
Rattusius Minnimus.
404
00:19:40,600 --> 00:19:44,520
I created a rat empire that
stretched from the public toilets
405
00:19:44,520 --> 00:19:48,320
in the Colosseum all the way
through the sewers
406
00:19:48,320 --> 00:19:52,520
to the wee collector's house
near the leather shop.
407
00:19:52,520 --> 00:19:54,240
And above, in the human world,
408
00:19:54,240 --> 00:19:57,120
was the new civilisation
called Rome.
409
00:19:58,640 --> 00:20:01,640
It was one of the greatest
empires of all time.
410
00:20:01,640 --> 00:20:04,200
But you might want to be
careful about the food,
411
00:20:04,200 --> 00:20:07,000
as the Emperor Claudius
is about to find out.
412
00:20:10,400 --> 00:20:14,280
I'm Agrippina, wife of
Roman Emperor Claudius
413
00:20:14,280 --> 00:20:17,600
and mother to my darling boy, Nero.
414
00:20:17,600 --> 00:20:20,400
SMASHING, CAT SCREECHES
415
00:20:20,400 --> 00:20:25,680
Today I'm cooking a dish to die for,
my dead-licious mushrooms.
416
00:20:27,320 --> 00:20:32,880
Mmm, they just need a tiny dash
of my secret ingredient.
417
00:20:32,880 --> 00:20:35,880
Poison from my friend Locusta.
418
00:20:35,880 --> 00:20:40,520
Just allow them to soak up
those wonderful, fatal toxins.
419
00:20:40,520 --> 00:20:43,920
Mmm, I wish you could smell it.
420
00:20:43,920 --> 00:20:45,880
Perfect for killing your husband
421
00:20:45,880 --> 00:20:48,080
so your infant son
can become emperor.
422
00:20:48,080 --> 00:20:49,880
When will I be Emperor, Mummy?
423
00:20:49,880 --> 00:20:51,800
Not until Daddy's
had his dinner, darling.
424
00:20:51,800 --> 00:20:53,800
SHE CHUCKLES
425
00:20:55,480 --> 00:20:59,920
Now, it's absolutely essential
that your husband's food taster
426
00:20:59,920 --> 00:21:01,720
is in on the plan.
427
00:21:01,720 --> 00:21:04,800
It's a tiny thing,
but forget it and the whole dish
428
00:21:04,800 --> 00:21:08,480
will end up in the bin and you'll
probably end up being executed.
429
00:21:10,440 --> 00:21:16,120
Wow, these smell delicious,
and completely safe.
430
00:21:16,120 --> 00:21:18,960
There's nothing more rewarding
than the look of enjoyment
431
00:21:18,960 --> 00:21:23,200
upon their faces, followed by the
slow contorting grimace of agony
432
00:21:23,200 --> 00:21:25,240
and approaching death.
433
00:21:25,240 --> 00:21:29,160
It might take a while -
I've used slow-acting poison...
434
00:21:29,160 --> 00:21:32,800
and double cream. I know, wicked.
435
00:21:36,320 --> 00:21:38,440
Finished to perfection.
436
00:21:38,440 --> 00:21:41,360
Oh, sad face.
437
00:21:41,360 --> 00:21:43,480
So there you have it,
438
00:21:43,480 --> 00:21:47,240
a delicious recipe for murder,
and hardly any washing up.
439
00:21:48,920 --> 00:21:51,200
Oh, there you are, darling Nero.
440
00:21:51,200 --> 00:21:53,720
Or should I call you Emperor Nero?
441
00:21:53,720 --> 00:21:56,800
Would you like Mummy
to make you some lunch?
442
00:21:56,800 --> 00:21:58,160
No.
443
00:21:58,160 --> 00:22:00,800
Then you better do exactly
as Mummy says from now on.
444
00:22:00,800 --> 00:22:02,280
Mummy, you're scary.
445
00:22:02,280 --> 00:22:04,240
Yes, darling, I am.
446
00:22:05,640 --> 00:22:08,680
As Agrippina planned,
Nero became Emperor of Rome
447
00:22:08,680 --> 00:22:10,800
when he was just 17.
448
00:22:10,800 --> 00:22:13,120
But Nero didn't only
want to rule the empire,
449
00:22:13,120 --> 00:22:16,000
he wanted to rule
the ancient Roman pop charts too.
450
00:22:17,920 --> 00:22:21,440
Ladies and gentlemen,
please give a warm welcome to
451
00:22:21,440 --> 00:22:24,800
the Emperor of Rome himself,
Emperor Nero.
452
00:22:24,800 --> 00:22:26,240
Oh, no.
453
00:22:26,240 --> 00:22:27,440
What?
454
00:22:27,440 --> 00:22:28,920
Get out now. Really?
455
00:22:28,920 --> 00:22:30,640
Oi, sit down.
456
00:22:32,560 --> 00:22:34,200
Too late, we're locked in.
457
00:22:35,480 --> 00:22:40,440
♪ Well I'm a Roman
who likes to go roaming
458
00:22:40,440 --> 00:22:43,160
♪ All around the world...
It's not that bad.
459
00:22:43,160 --> 00:22:44,720
Oh, yeah?
460
00:22:44,720 --> 00:22:49,080
♪ Wherever I roam
Rome is my home
461
00:22:49,080 --> 00:22:52,520
♪ All you boys and girls
462
00:22:52,520 --> 00:22:56,880
♪ I like to sing
Singing is my thing... ♪
463
00:22:56,880 --> 00:22:58,960
What time did he come on?
464
00:22:58,960 --> 00:23:00,360
About half six.
465
00:23:00,360 --> 00:23:02,600
What time did we get here?
Wednesday.
466
00:23:02,600 --> 00:23:04,360
♪ I'd go and get my lyre
467
00:23:04,360 --> 00:23:07,360
♪ I'd sing my song
a bing a bang a bong... ♪
468
00:23:07,360 --> 00:23:10,040
You know, I've seen him before
in Greece at the Olympics.
469
00:23:10,040 --> 00:23:12,200
The Olympics,
I thought that was sports.
470
00:23:12,200 --> 00:23:14,760
Yeah, until Nero turned up,
decided music was a sport
471
00:23:14,760 --> 00:23:16,200
and insisted upon winning.
472
00:23:16,200 --> 00:23:18,880
Act like you're enjoying yourselves.
473
00:23:18,880 --> 00:23:23,360
♪ La, la, la, la, la, la
474
00:23:23,360 --> 00:23:25,280
♪ Well, I'm a Roman
475
00:23:25,280 --> 00:23:28,240
♪ Who likes to go roaming
476
00:23:28,240 --> 00:23:31,880
♪ All around the world
477
00:23:31,880 --> 00:23:35,680
♪ My name is Nero
I'm a singing hero
478
00:23:35,680 --> 00:23:40,160
♪ My enemies say "dear, oh, dear"
when I am near
479
00:23:40,160 --> 00:23:41,280
♪ Oh. ♪
480
00:23:43,160 --> 00:23:46,520
Thank you, ladies and gentlemen,
thank you. Yes, thank you.
481
00:23:46,520 --> 00:23:49,800
I'm afraid I have to leave you now.
482
00:23:49,800 --> 00:23:53,440
It's over, he's fished.
Thank Jupiter.
483
00:23:53,440 --> 00:23:55,200
HE LAUGHS
484
00:23:55,200 --> 00:23:57,520
But, I hope you'll join me again...
485
00:23:57,520 --> 00:23:58,960
Fat chance.
486
00:23:58,960 --> 00:24:00,640
..after this short interval.
487
00:24:05,560 --> 00:24:06,720
I'll get the drinks in.
488
00:24:07,840 --> 00:24:10,480
Now hang on a wee minute,
if you're talking about
489
00:24:10,480 --> 00:24:13,240
important ancient civilisations
and musical talent,
490
00:24:13,240 --> 00:24:16,120
you'd better be
featuring us Celts.
491
00:24:16,120 --> 00:24:18,880
We made music that would make
your eyes water,
492
00:24:18,880 --> 00:24:20,880
and other parts of your body too.
493
00:24:23,000 --> 00:24:25,360
Er, where do you think
you're off to, young Celt?
494
00:24:25,360 --> 00:24:26,880
I'm off out to play with my axe.
495
00:24:26,880 --> 00:24:29,760
What about your music lesson? Your
teacher will be here any minute.
496
00:24:29,760 --> 00:24:32,200
Oh, Ma!
497
00:24:32,200 --> 00:24:35,360
I didn't spend two weeks' peat
harvest on a brand-new carnyx
498
00:24:35,360 --> 00:24:37,960
war horn for you to leave it
hanging up on the hut wall.
499
00:24:37,960 --> 00:24:39,760
I hate this stupid carnyx.
500
00:24:39,760 --> 00:24:42,320
SQUEALING
You'll not be saying
that when you've
501
00:24:42,320 --> 00:24:45,440
led your tribe into battle against
the Romans with it, wee man.
502
00:24:45,440 --> 00:24:49,000
Now then, let's hear the piece
you've been working on.
503
00:24:51,680 --> 00:24:54,480
HE BLOWS AIR
504
00:24:54,480 --> 00:24:56,640
What was that supposed to be?
505
00:24:57,880 --> 00:24:59,960
This is how it's supposed to sound.
506
00:25:01,480 --> 00:25:05,120
ROARING, RUMBLING
507
00:25:08,760 --> 00:25:12,080
Oh, that was absolutely shocking.
508
00:25:12,080 --> 00:25:14,440
Cheers. You see,
509
00:25:14,440 --> 00:25:18,680
the carnyx is meant to strike fear
into the heart of whoever hears it.
510
00:25:18,680 --> 00:25:19,720
Try again.
511
00:25:22,080 --> 00:25:24,800
BLOWING
512
00:25:24,800 --> 00:25:27,760
You're getting worse, well done!
513
00:25:27,760 --> 00:25:32,280
I wish my parents had made me
learn when I was a bairn.
514
00:25:32,280 --> 00:25:34,640
It's never too late, you know.
515
00:25:34,640 --> 00:25:36,640
You sound quite dreadful,
516
00:25:36,640 --> 00:25:39,560
but you're still not giving
me nightmares. Again.
517
00:25:39,560 --> 00:25:43,080
ROARING AND RUMBLING
518
00:25:44,160 --> 00:25:48,680
That was it! Look, your neighbours
are running for the Trossachs,
SCREAMING
519
00:25:48,680 --> 00:25:51,560
and your mother's ears are bleeding.
520
00:25:51,560 --> 00:25:52,640
You did that.
521
00:25:53,840 --> 00:25:57,560
ROARING AND RUMBLING
522
00:25:59,400 --> 00:26:01,400
FARTING
523
00:26:01,400 --> 00:26:03,960
You smell that, son? Eh?
524
00:26:03,960 --> 00:26:07,080
You just made me brown my breeks.
525
00:26:07,080 --> 00:26:08,680
Same time next week.
526
00:26:11,400 --> 00:26:14,720
Oh son, you've made
your old ma...
527
00:26:14,720 --> 00:26:17,560
SHE FARTS
..proud.
528
00:26:20,080 --> 00:26:25,320
Oh, lovely! So, which is
the greatest civilisation of all?
529
00:26:25,320 --> 00:26:27,160
It's hard to say.
530
00:26:27,160 --> 00:26:30,640
Plus, there have been so many
civilisations that have risen
531
00:26:30,640 --> 00:26:34,560
and fallen, and perhaps the
greatest civilisation never really
532
00:26:34,560 --> 00:26:36,320
fell at all.
533
00:26:36,320 --> 00:26:40,560
A modern version of ancient China
is still with us today.
534
00:26:40,560 --> 00:26:44,240
And there are many who would argue
that China was in fact the greatest,
535
00:26:44,240 --> 00:26:47,520
particularly when it comes to
inventions. Mind you,
536
00:26:47,520 --> 00:26:51,000
the Ancient Greeks might have
something to say about that.
537
00:26:51,000 --> 00:26:52,720
Yo, yo, it's going down
right now.
538
00:26:52,720 --> 00:26:55,920
So, like, all these Ancient Greeks,
right, turned up talking about,
539
00:26:55,920 --> 00:26:58,400
"Oh, we invented all this stuff,
way more than you Romans.
540
00:26:58,400 --> 00:27:00,920
Right, and then the ancient
Chinese guys, they turned up
541
00:27:00,920 --> 00:27:03,120
and they're like, "Oh,
we invented enough stuff,
542
00:27:03,120 --> 00:27:04,720
"way more than you Greeks."
543
00:27:04,720 --> 00:27:06,560
Now, that is fighting talk,
man, you get me?
544
00:27:06,560 --> 00:27:09,080
Things about to get real,
real fast. It's going to be nice.
545
00:27:09,080 --> 00:27:10,800
All right, all right, I got one.
546
00:27:10,800 --> 00:27:12,920
♪ Yo, I'm a master inventor
547
00:27:12,920 --> 00:27:14,160
♪ The greatest in China
548
00:27:14,160 --> 00:27:16,600
♪ Wasting my time with these
Athenian whiners
549
00:27:16,600 --> 00:27:20,000
♪ We've invented everything,
from goldfish to bum wipers,
550
00:27:20,000 --> 00:27:22,600
♪ We were inventing while Greeks
were still in diapers. ♪
551
00:27:22,600 --> 00:27:25,800
Yeah! That's all right,
that's all right. Listen up.
552
00:27:25,800 --> 00:27:28,440
♪ Democracy, geometry
and even physics
553
00:27:28,440 --> 00:27:30,840
♪ The marathon, the plate
and even the Olympics
554
00:27:30,840 --> 00:27:33,400
♪ The alarm clock, the anchor
and central heating
555
00:27:33,400 --> 00:27:36,440
♪ The only way you're going to win
this is if you invented cheating. ♪
556
00:27:36,440 --> 00:27:37,920
Oh!
557
00:27:37,920 --> 00:27:39,080
♪ You want a list?
558
00:27:39,080 --> 00:27:40,120
♪ We got oodles
559
00:27:40,120 --> 00:27:42,160
♪ We invented noodles
while you were doing doodles
560
00:27:42,160 --> 00:27:43,680
♪ On the paper
we invented for you. ♪
561
00:27:43,680 --> 00:27:45,280
Oh, yeah!
562
00:27:45,280 --> 00:27:46,800
♪ Sit down and pull up a chair
563
00:27:46,800 --> 00:27:48,840
♪ Like my steam engine,
you're full of hot air
564
00:27:48,840 --> 00:27:51,200
♪ We invented mathematics,
we even invented pie
565
00:27:51,200 --> 00:27:53,480
♪ Oh, and by the way,
your momma says hi. ♪
566
00:27:53,480 --> 00:27:55,000
What?
567
00:27:55,000 --> 00:27:57,440
Yeah, I just saw her down the shops
with your dad.
568
00:27:57,440 --> 00:27:58,600
Check it out.
569
00:27:58,600 --> 00:28:00,400
♪ Greeks might fill pages
with their books
570
00:28:00,400 --> 00:28:03,080
♪ But we invented fishing reels
for reeling in your hooks
571
00:28:03,080 --> 00:28:05,160
♪ Acupuncture, silk,
crossbows and the bell
572
00:28:05,160 --> 00:28:06,800
♪ Our inventions are awesome
573
00:28:06,800 --> 00:28:08,320
♪ While yours just smell. ♪
574
00:28:08,320 --> 00:28:10,600
Hey, I ain't beat, I ain't beat.
575
00:28:10,600 --> 00:28:12,720
♪ Yo, yo, yo, yo
Yo, yo
576
00:28:12,720 --> 00:28:14,320
♪ D-did we invent the yo-yo? ♪
577
00:28:14,320 --> 00:28:15,920
OK, what about dominoes?
578
00:28:15,920 --> 00:28:18,400
That was us. All right, w-what about
the compass then, yeah?
579
00:28:18,400 --> 00:28:20,040
Yeah, us. Give it up, man.
580
00:28:20,040 --> 00:28:22,680
♪ Word is on the street
it was China versus Greece
581
00:28:22,680 --> 00:28:25,320
♪ And you got beat. ♪
THEY CHEER
582
00:28:25,320 --> 00:28:27,120
Right, let me do one.
583
00:28:27,120 --> 00:28:30,040
♪ Yeah, it's true, you guys
invented a lot of cool stuff
584
00:28:30,040 --> 00:28:32,640
♪ And, yeah, beating that
is going to be tough
585
00:28:32,640 --> 00:28:35,000
♪ But I've got something that'll
have you all shushing
586
00:28:35,000 --> 00:28:37,240
♪ I'm a mighty Roman,
home of the whoopee cushion. ♪
587
00:28:37,240 --> 00:28:38,840
Oh!
588
00:28:41,440 --> 00:28:44,520
Literally, what? What was that?
589
00:28:44,520 --> 00:28:46,840
That's ridiculous, man.
The whoopee cushion.
590
00:28:50,040 --> 00:28:52,880
♪ Tall tales, atrocious acts
We gave you all the fearsome facts
591
00:28:52,880 --> 00:28:55,680
♪ The ugly truth, no glam or glitz
We showed you all the juicy bits
592
00:28:55,680 --> 00:28:58,240
♪ Gory, ghastly, mean and cruel
593
00:28:58,240 --> 00:29:01,120
♪ Stuff they don't teach you
at school
594
00:29:01,120 --> 00:29:03,800
♪ The past is no longer a mystery
595
00:29:03,800 --> 00:29:08,600
♪ Hope you enjoyed
Horrible Histories. ♪
46604
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