All language subtitles for Bikini.Valley.Car.Wash.2020 NEW

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(car engine humming)

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- Well, dude, I was the
one that spotted him.

No, no, no, I didn't
recognize him at first

so I had to look a little closer

and like, dude, that's Bob!

Just running across the
field, streaking, stark naked.

You know, bare ass hanging
out, dingle berries.

Balls flopping around, it was a
mess.

Remember, he ran in front
of the cheerleaders.

Started helicoptering his
dick right in front of them.

(laughs) Oh man, cops came
about five minutes later,

threw him in jail, he racked
up about $2,000 worth of fines,

but shit, it was worth
it, right? (chuckles)

Oh, God, those were the days.

All right, buddy, I'm
gonna let you go, but,

oh, oh, hey, you remember
that sleepover party

we once had with Jim and David?

And we got Jeff, right, we
threw him in the sleeping bag.

We spread his ass cheeks open,

spread some chunky peanut butter
in there,

and we threw the dog in there,
in the sleeping bag with him?

(laughs) The dog ended up
getting typhus a week later.

We had to put him down.

(laughs) Oh, shit, I know,
right?

Or that time we went camping,
remember?

And we spread honey all over the
campfire,

and the bees swarmed us.
- The only fucking phone booth

in the world, and Tits
McGee is inside, okay.

You can do this, find your
core, find the creamy center.

That's not helping, that's not
helping.

(cellphone thudding)
(traffic humming)

(clearing throat)

The phone booth.
- All right, buddy,

I'm gonna let you go.

- Looks like he fell out of a
dumpster,

maybe a little bit of
green, a little of scratch,

a little bit a, that's a real
(mumbling),

maybe a little.
(dollar bill thwacking)

Excuse me, (cellphone thudding)

amigo, compadre, maybe your dick
stories,

maybe you can move on,
mosey on, find a way.

I mean you can buy some jeans

with better holes in 'em with
these.

What do you say, what do you
think?

Wanna take me up on it?

Got things to do, got places
to be, got people you know?

- It's all yours.

- Thank you.

Jesus Christ.

- Silicon Valley douche bag.

(upbeat dance music)

(metal rattling)

(upbeat dance music)

(water spurting)

(upbeat dance music)

(body thwacking)
- Ow, shit.

(upbeat dance music)

(body thwacking)
Oh, who moved the door?

(upbeat dance music)

♪ Drink it slow

Dude, I've got such a hangover.

- There's a first.

- No shit.

- Brit, I don't mean to judge,

but how long are you
gonna be doing this for?

- Doing what?
- You know,

shaking your ass.

- Well, if you put it that way,

until my tits reach my belly
button.

- You hardly get any sleep
anymore.

Sleep deprivation is a real
thing.

- Look, I'll get all the
sleep I need when I'm dead.

- Okay, Sam Elliot.

- But check it out, last night
was sick.

We had this large group come
in, this internet company

was entertaining their Dubai
investors,

and they insisted that I drink
with them.

- Well, I hope it was worth it.

- You tell me.

(money thudding)

- Holy shit.

Is this just from last night?

- It's not like this every
night,

but I guess you could
say they just had fun.

- You slut.

How much is this?

- Enough for rent and then some.

- Takes me at least two weeks to
get rent.

- Ro is hiring, wanna job?

- My grandfather would
have a heart attack.

Speaking of which, I gotta go.

- Gimme a minute, I'll go with.

I haven't seen that old dinosaur
in ages.

(relaxing music)

(door clicking)

(feet thudding)

Okay, hold up, hold up.

Wiki-Boy, who is the highest
paid athlete in 2013?

- The highest paid athlete in
2013?

Tiger Woods, 78.1 million
dollars.

- Dick stroker.

- What's Avogadro's constant?

- Avogadro's number, also
known as Avogadro's constant,

is 6.022 times 10 to the 23rd.

You're wasting my time.

- [Britney] Is he right?

- He's good.

- What actor was the president
of the NRA?

- Charlton Heston, president
of the NRA from 1998 to 2003.

- Okay, okay, who took
over as CEO of Apple,

when Steve Jobs got fired in
2011?

- Tim Cook, and Steve Jobs
didn't get fired, okay,

he resigned due to his illness.

- Fucking animal.

(cat whining)

Ah, come on, Tiger.

It's not an insult, it's a
compliment the way to use it.

(car honking)

One of these days, Wiki-Boy,
I'm gonna stump your ass.

- Yeah, yeah.

Hey, Lance.

What's up?

- My dick, what do you want?

Oh, hey, it's you Wiki-Boy?

What's going down?

- Your dick I hope.

- [Lance] What?

- Nothing.

- [Lance] Hey, you mind
handing me that wrench

over on the curb?

- Here you go.

- [Lance] The other wrench.

(metal clanging)

- Sure you know what you're
doing?

- Shit yeah.

Oh, fuck!

Ah, fuck.

Oh, that fuckin' hurt.

Shit.

Ow, fuck that hurt.

- What's wrong with it?

- It's the engine.

- The engine?

What is it?

- It's a machine with moving
parts

that converts power into motion,

but I don't think that's
important right now.

I think I need a joint break.

You want one?

- Oh, no, I'm trying to cut
back.

- Nice, more for me.

(coughing)

That's God's broccoli.

(coughing)

- Wow.

- So where's your twin at?

- Lucas?

He's probably at the bus stop.

- What is he always hanging
out at the bus stop for?

- Just likes making new friends.

- What are you up to?

- Well, I'm working on an app.

- Hello, you're working on an
nap?

Why do you have to work on one?

Why don't you just take one?

- Not a nap, an app.

- That's what I said, a nap.

- Not a nap, an app.

- A nap?

- An app.

- A nap.

- An app.

See, an app is a specialized
program for smartphones.

See, every single one of these
is an app,

and mine is called Briskly.

- Briskly?

- Yeah.

- So, what does it do?

- Well, you see, it allows
businesses to create last minute

discounts with huge deals
for local customers.

You see, users get an alert on
their phone

telling them about it, then
it's first come, first serve,

and see, the discounts range
from anything from iPads

to eye exams or T-shirts to
tires.

- You sound real passionate
about it.

- Oh, I'm really excited about
it.

It's gonna be even more
awesome when it's finished.

I even have a couple of
companies
interested in buying it.

- No shit?

- [Wiki-Boy] No shit.

- So when are ya gonna be done
with it?

- That's the only problem.

See, I can't show any of the
companies the final product

until I file all the legal work
first,

and that costs money.

Money I don't have.

- Speak of the devil.

- [Devil] Not now, Lance.

I'm going to a custom party.

- Ah man, it's fuckin' July!

- [Devil] Don't judge.

(laughing)

- Hey, cool beats, Lance.

- That there, my man, is an
original 1985

Panasonic 5010 Stereo with tape
deck.

- Cool.

What's tape deck?

(traffic buzzing)

- Hello Claris.

- Oh, Hello.

My name's not Claris, it's Mina.

Nice to meet you.

What's your name?

- You had me at hello.

I drink your milkshake.

I drink your milkshake.

- Oh, it's not a milkshake.

It's just water.

Do you want one?

- Mrs. Robinson, you're
trying to seduce me.

- Mrs. Robinson?

No, I'm just offering
you a bottle of water.

- I've always depended on
the kindness of strangers.

- Oh, okay.

Well, I have an extra one.

Here you go.

- Get your stinking paws off
me, you damned dirty ape!

(gasps)

- I'd never!

- There's no crying in baseball.

♪ Morning coffee

♪ Vanilla latte sip to go

♪ Drink it slow

(car doors shutting)

♪ Morning coffee

- Good morning, grandpa.

- Grandpa?

Are you still alive? (laughing)

(cane clicking)

I don't hear anything.

Maybe he went for a walk
somewhere

and forgot how to get back.

(screaming and clanging)

Oh my god!

What the fuck?

- Gotch ya, ya slut!

(laughing)

- [Amanda] You deserved that.

- Fuck you two.

- Hey!

Watch your language in this
house.

This ain't your workplace.

You don't see any stripper
poles here, do you?

- Yeah, whatever, you wish you
had this.

(grumbling)

- No, thank you.

You can keep your STD
infested hooch to yourself.

- Grandpa, did you take your
pills?

- What pills?

- The ones keeping you alive.

- Oh, shut up, tramp.

- No, doesn't look like it.

(exhale)

(relaxing music)

(exhale)

(relaxing music)

Finger please.

(sighing)

(relaxing music)

98%, 75.

- Is that good?

- That's great, grandpa.

- Your great grandpa is here?

- Yeah, he's in the kitchen.

- No, no, he's been
dead for over 20 years.

♪ Morning coffee

♪ Vanilla latte sip to go

♪ Drink it slow

All right, 98.5.

- Is that good?

- That's great.

Now for your glucose.

Give me your finger.

(sighing)

(relaxing music)

♪ Morning coffee

All right, 187, not bad.

Did you eat breakfast this
morning?

- No.

Yes.

No.

- Lemme look.

It looks like you started to,

but that's okay.

I'll make you something.

- Hey floozy, you want some
breakfast?

I have some Jimmy Dean sausages.

- Um, I'll pass.

I'm afraid to find out
where those have been.

- They're juicy, just
the way you like 'em.

- No thanks.

I'll pass.

- That's the first time
I've ever known you

to pass on a wiener.

- Good one.

What's this?

(laughing)

- That's my shitter.

(screaming)

- Ew!

What the fuck?

(laughing)

- Okay grandpa, your
breakfast is on the table.

Do you need anything before I
go?

- No, thank you dear.

Matlock is on TV soon,

followed by Richard
Dawson and Family Fued,

M.A.S.H., Golden Girls,
even Captain Kangaroo.

- Oh, that's great!

You can remember all these
TV shows from a century ago,

but you can't even remember
if you had breakfast or not.

- I bet you can't remember all
the John's

you spread your legs for.

- Touche.

- All right, call me if need me.

Remember, it's the first
memory button on the phone.

Otherwise, I'll see you after
work.

- I have work today?

- No, I have work today,
and I'll see you after.

(laughing)

- I gotcha.

I know I don't work Saturdays.

- Yeah, it's Sunday and you
haven't worked in 10 years.

- Oh.

- Holy shit!

That must've tore the guy's
asshole apart,

and that's exactly why people
need more fiber in their diet.

I'd like to see that guy's
asshole.

- You'd like to see that guy's
asshole?

- Yeah.

I mean, no, no.

I mean, I feel sorry for the
poor bastard.

That reminds me, you wanna
hear my new invention idea?

- No, but you're probably
gonna tell me anyway.

- I just came up with it this
morning

when I was taking a whiz.

- Oh great.

- Ready for this?

- No.

- I call it "Splashing Waters".

You know when you're
standing by the toilet

taking a whiz?

And you know how the piss
is splashing everywhere?

- No, I didn't know that.

- Oh yeah.

That shit gets everywhere.

So I invented an eight-inch
oval piece of tissue paper

that you throw in the
toilet just before pissing.

So then the piss pierces the
paper

and the splash is contained by
the paper, thus preventing...

- [Together] Splashing Waters.

- You know, that's a good idea,
Lance.

- You think so?

- Oh yeah.

You know, you should take that
to Shark Tank or something.

- You really think so?

- Oh yeah.

- Right on, man, right on.

What's a Shark Tank?

(upbeat music)

- Hey, what's that Mr. Sokolot?

- Read it.

- Are you freakin'
kidding me, Mr. Sokolot?

- Sorry, rent high everywhere.

- But 2,500?

That's almost double.

- Rate inflation.

You pay or you go!

And it's Mr. Sokolov, not
Sokolot.

Three year ago, Mr. Sokolov.

Still Mr. Sokolov.

Three year from now, still Mr.
Sokolov.

- Hey, Brit.

- Hey, what's up?

- Can you believe this?

- What is it?

- It's a notice from Mr.
Sokolov.

- Who's Mr. Sokolov?

- Our landlord, Brit.

- So, what's he want?

- It's a rent increase notice.

He's nearly doubling our rent
starting next month to 2,500.

- What?

Are you kidding me?

For a crappy two bedroom
apartment?

He can't do this.

- He can and he did.

- Dick licker.

Isn't there like rent
control or something?

- Not in Saint Clare, there
isn't.

- Butt sniffer.

- I can't believe that
greedy little bastard.

- Dude, that sucks a lot.
(giggling)

- That's not funny.

I know, I'm sorry.

Okay, so we'll move.

- Where to?

Fresno or Modesto?

Because there's nothing else
affordable in the Bay Area.

Ever since these goddamn
internet companies

somehow all got together

and decided to base their
companies right here

in our neighborhoods, housing
prices have gone to shit.

It's not like they can't
operate their business

from anywhere else in the
country.

- I know.

- We didn't land on Silicon
Valley.

Silicon Valley landed on us.

- Hey, that's good.

- I know, I just thought of it.

- But seriously, when's the last
time

you walked into eBay to bid on
something,

or walked into Google
to search for something?

- Take it easy Amanda.

- I'm just frustrated!

- I know you are.

I am too, but we'll figure
something out.

- You know, whenever we do move,

Mr. Sokolov is gonna have
a lot of updating to do,

and not to mention the
three to four months

he's gonna spend doing it.

- That's true.

The Fridge is all rusted.

- The kitchen cabinets don't
even close.

- Half the burners on
the stove don't work.

- The ceiling is falling down.

- And I think I've seen an oven
like ours

on the Antique Road Show.

I can try to make the
difference.

Not sure if I can do it every
month.

Some months are slower than
other months.

- Thanks Brit, but you shouldn't
have to.

We agreed before you moved in,

three years that we'd
go halves on everything,

and I'm sticking to it,

but I appreciate the offer.

I'm just gonna have to work
overtime

or get second job or something,

but that probably means
I'll have to not go

to my next semester.

- But that's your last
semester to graduate.

- Yeah, but what am I gonna do?

I'll just have to put it
on hold for a little while.

(club music)

(zipper zipping)

(club music)

- Brit, tell her your idea.

- Oh yeah, that's right.

Okay, you know how you've been
trying

to get me to quit dancing?

- You mean stripping?

- Yeah, whatever.

- Yeah?

- Well, I've been discussing
some business ideas

with Max the past few weeks.

- You were discussing
business with a bouncer?

Talk about meeting of the minds.

- Listen, I think we came
up with the perfect business

and now is the perfect timing
for it.

- It's not prostitution is it?

Because if it is, I'm just
gonna go start packing now.

- No, no, it's not prostitution.

- Okay, what is it then?

- Are you ready for this?

- You wanna drum role?

(hands slapping)

- Bikini Valley Car Wash.

(crickets chirping)

Get it?

Silicon Valley, Bikini Valley?

- This is the dumbest
idea I've ever heard.

That's not even a real business.

I should've expected
that from you and Max.

- Don't knock it 'til you've
tried it.

- I am not gonna be involved
in a sleazy business

like a bikini car wash with a
bunch of sleazy, horny old men

gawking at half-naked
women trying to pretend

to clean their cars.

Forget it, Brit.

- Just hear me out.

We did some calculations.

We'll charge like $50 a
car for wash and vacuum.

And $15 for wax.

- Who's gonna pay $50 on a car
wash?

- My clients spend that much

for a 10 minute lap dance at my
club.

- Oh, I forgot, this was
a striptease car wash.

- Now listen to this.

All we need is like 20 cars a
day

on Saturday and Sunday's and
we can make $1,000 a day.

Multiply that times eight
weekend days a month

and that totals.

- $8,000.

- See.

That's way over what we need for
the rent.

We just need you to
ask your favorite uncle

to let us use his car wash.

- Sounds tempting but my
grandfather

would have a heart attack
if he ever found out.

After all the years he spent
raising me

to be a good catholic.

Forget it.

Count me out.

- He'll never find out.

- He'll find out.

He's only lived here his entire
life.

He knows everybody.

- Would you at least think about
it?

- I've thought about
it and my answer is no.

I'll just pull double
shifts at the restaurant.

In fact, I'm gonna go talk
to my manager right now

and see if I can get additional
hours.

So.

- Hey, Amanda.

- Yeah?

- Do we pay for the water here?

- No, why?

- I was just wondering.

(water spurring)

Let's go.

(feet thudding)

(water spurring)

(light switch clicking)

(deep house music)

(indie music)

- Fuck, check that out.

Now that's what I wanna get one
day.

(indie music)

What the fuck are you doing?

- I'm trying to get a better
look at it.

- Gimme that.

- Here, Lance.

Check that out.

That's what you should get.

- Nice.

I'll be sure to put it on my
fuck it list.

- Fuck it list?

- It's a list of things I wanna
do,

places I wanna go but
I never fuckin' will.

Ooh-wee, now check that out.

- That's Mia.

We went to high school together.

- Mia huh?

(lips sputtering)

Let me tell you something about
women,

when a woman says she's datin'
someone

or seein' someone,

well that means she's fucking
someone.

See, women use datin'
and seein' as code words

so they don't sound like a slut.

Check this out.

- Hey Noah.

- Hey Mia.

- Hey Mia you single?

- No.

- Oh, are you datin' someone?
(laughing)

When's the last time you dated?

Did you date this morning?

See, she knows what I'm talking
about.

What are you doing?

- I thought I heard my mom call
me.

- Mom?

You live upstairs.

See, women like that don't
stay single for long.

- Why's that?

- Because guys like me come
along and snatch 'em up

as soon as they're available.

That's why!

There's a lot you boys
need to learn about women.

But, you're in luck,

because I'm gonna teach
you everything I know.

- Can't wait.

- So how's your new
Brisket app thing going?

- Briskly?

- Right, right.

You got any new investors?

- No.

- So how much of your
own money have you sunk

into this thing?

- Everything.

- Everything?

My man, you know better than to
put

all your eggs into one basket.

- Too late.

- So, what would this
investor get in return?

Just hypothetically speaking.

- Well, they have the
possibility of making thousands

to hundreds of thousands of
dollars.

(dinging)

- You know, I have some
money stashed away.

Maybe, I'll invest.

- That would be so awesome
Lance,

but I couldn't your money.

- No man, I believe in you.

- Really?

- Fuckin' A.

- Cool!

(hands slapping)

- Did I ever tell you about
my ball scratcher idea?

- Huh?

- It's like a back scratcher,
but for your balls.

(birds chirping)

(car engine buzzing)

(car door slamming)

(car lock beeping)

(chattering)

- Good morning, grandpa.

- [Grandpa] Good morning, honey.

- What's going on?

- Oh, honey, I have some real
bad news.

- What is it?

What's happening?

- According to our
records, your grandfather

seems to have defaulted on his
payments

for the last six months or so.

I'm afraid we have no choice
but to foreclose on the loan.

You know, call the cows
home, the last hurrah,

drop the curtain, pull the plug.

Sorry, grandpa.

Maybe a little close for you.

Let the fat lady sing,
drop the pie on the floor,

you know what I'm saying.

- Thank you.

I know what foreclose means,

but, that's impossible.

His payments are automatically
withdrawn

from his retirement account,
right?

- Funny thing about that.

We sent the fine gentleman a
letter

seven months ago explaining to
him

that if he would like to
stay with his auto-payments

that he needed to sign
the letter and return it.

Since then, we have received,
oh, nothing.

- Who does that?

Grandpa, is that what happened?

- I don't remember, honey.

- Well, okay, if they
haven't withdrawn the money,

then the money's still in the
account

and we can just write a
check for the back due amount

and the account will be all up
to date.

- I'm sorry, honey.

I thought the money was
extra money in my account

and I've spent most of it.

- On what?

- On TV.

On things to buy.

(gasping) Honey, they make it so
easy!

Buy now and we will double the
offers,

separation fee applies.

- Well, what does he owe?

- How much does he owe?

Let's see.

Let's do some simple math, shall
we?

Six monthly payments comes
out roughly to $14,960.14.

- $14,900?

- $60.14, yes.

Who's counting?

- This just keeps getting
better and better.

- I've already given
your grandfather a copy

of the dues in play,

but I'd really like to give you
this.

(birds chirping)

- Well, how long does
he have to pay it back?

- One week.

- One week?

How do you expect him to
get that kind of money

in seven days?

- Technically five working days,

but I'm sorry, this is out of my
hands.

It was only brought
across my desk yesterday.

There's nothing I can do.

- Really?

Okay, fine, we'll just
get a second mortgage.

- Good luck with that.

Without having current
employment

and having defaulted on the
first loan,

he will be eligible in, let's
see,

approximately, oh, here it is,
never.

- Who's fucking side are you on?

- I'm on your side.

I'm just trying to give you the
details

and the facts as they
exist at this moment.

For example, the equity in the
house,

as it sits, is $782,926.53.

Now, that is a substantial
amount of equity.

However, without steady income,

without a substantial amount
of cash in a bank account,

honey, another loan is
never going to happen.

- Well thank you for your
insight.

- Well, let's not see this
as all doom and gloom.

Let's take this frown,
turn it upside down.

Let's shake this little cloud

and find that silver lining.

As I was telling your peepaw
here,

I have a party prepared, right
now,

to right a check this
afternoon for this property

for $250,000.

Now, the situation as it sits,

you can take that check
or go into foreclosure

and lose everything.

Now, think of it old-timer.

Quarter of a million dollars.

You could become the kind of
Orlando.

You can live it up like you
have never dreamed before.

Why don't you just take your
retirement,

take these golden years, and
enjoy?

- Oh honey, I'm too old
to move and start a fresh.

I've lived in the house all my
life.

All my memories are here.

(crying)

- It's okay, grandpa.

We'll find a way.

There's gotta be a way.

- In one week?

Good luck with that.

- Get the fuck out of here!

- Whoa, no need to shoot me.

I don't own the bank,
I'm just the messenger.

- Well take this message with
you.

Fuck you, we're keeping the
house.

- I love it when they start
talkin' dirty.

Better start packin' old man.

Tick tock.

See you later, sweet cheeks.

(traffic buzzing)

- You make me want to be a
better man.

Well, why don't you come
up and see me sometime?

You complete me.

I wish I knew how to quit you.

- Are you talking to me?

- Talkin' to me?

Talking' to me?

(sighing)

- Fuck, man.

I need to get out of this
fucking valley.

(alternative music)

- What we have here is a
failure to communicate.

(alternative rock music)

- [Tania] Here you are, honey.

- Thank you.

Cheers.

- [Tania] Cheers.

- Woo, strong.

(mumbling and laughing)

(birds chirping)

- Hey, uncle Ron.

- Hi sweetie.

- Hey Mandie.

- Hey Tania.

- So, where's your hot
piece-of-ass girlfriend,
Britney?

- She's probably at home.

- That's a pity.

Wanna drink?

- Um, no thanks.

I actually came over to ask you
a favor.

- A favor?

What is it?

- It's an act of kindness
beyond what's expected,

but that's not important right
now.

It's grandpa.

- (laughing) Oh, grandpa.

I don't wanna hear it!

- Come on, uncle Ron,

he's gonna lose his
house due to foreclosure.

- I don't wanna hear it,

and if he's house goes into
foreclosure,

that's perfectly fine with me.

- Please uncle Ron.

- No, and I'll tell you why.

Because he never helped me with
any

of my business ventures
when we were growing up.

- That's because you wanted
to make porno movies.

- What does it matter?

Porno films make money.

It's a legitimate business.

People are happier,
there's a demand for it.

Hell, if he had helped me
I probably could've been

a famous porn star, like
that guy, what is his name,

he's able to climax (toungue
rolling) right on que.

I could've been that guy.

- Come on, Tania, can't you
just talk to him for me?

- Honey, you know how
stubborn your uncle is.

- I know.

Okay, fine.

How 'bout another favor?

- Another favor?

What is it?

- Well, it would be
borrowing the car wash.

It'll only be on nights
and we'll hand washing.

- Read my lips, okay.

What's it for?

- Well, Britney and
the girls just wanna do

some fundraiser.

- Sounds good, okay.

- Thanks, you're the best uncle
Ron.

- Yes, I am.

- You know, you've always
been my favorite uncle.

- She's being a wise guy,

I'm her only uncle.

- Never stopped you from
being my favorite, though.

Bye Tania.

- Bye Mandie.

- I hate when she calls me that.

(glasses clicking)

- Man that's still strong!

You know that Ron is rum in
Spanish?

- Really?

- Yeah.

- Hm.

(birds chirping)

(traffic buzzing)

- I'm catching 22 right now.

I should be there by five.

- E.T. phone home.

- Let's go eat something.

I'll grab something on my way
home.

- I ate his liver with some fava
beans

and a nice Chianti.

- I'm gonna give him a box
of chocolate and a card...

- Mom always said life was
like a box of chocolates,

you never know what your're
gonna get.

- What?

What's the matter with you?

Are you crazy or something?

- I want to be alone.
(speaking in foreign language)

- You can be alone, you can
be all alone by yourself.

(water splashing)

- Hey, uncle Ron.

You know how cute I
always thought you were.

(rock music)

- Ronald Johnson!

Fantasizing about your niece
again?

- What do you take me for?

Of course not.

I was fantasizing about you,
baby.

- That's sick.

It's just sick.

This is not the south.
(laughing)

- You know something Wiki-Boy?

One of these days I'm gonna get
me a van,

just like the one I had in high
school.

Yeah, I'm gonna carpet it 360
degrees.

Throw some nice artwork on the
sides.

Put a mattress in the back.

It's gonna be smokin'.

- You really want that van,
don't you?

- I can taste it.

- Well, here's some good news.

I finished all the final patent
paperwork

for the Briskly app.

Now I can start showing it
to possible acquisitions

and partnerships.

- I don't know what the hell
you just said, but I trust you.

(pager beeping)

- You have pager?

- Of course I have a pager.

What, just because I clean
parking lots at night

doesn't mean I'm important
enough to have one?

Oh, shit!

All right, ma, I'll go get
your diapers in a minute.

Can't you see I'm busy?

- And look for a job, you lazy
bum!

- You look for a job!

- I already got one!

Babysitting your (mumbles) ass!

- Fuck, she reminds me of my
hemorrhoids.

A constant pain in the ass.

- And take your girlfriend with
you.

- Oh shit!

(laughing)

(spitting)

Ma!

What are you doing?

(laughing)

(hysterical laughing)

- Oh, this is so going viral.

(laughing)

- You know something, Wiki-Boy?

One of these I'm gonna get that
van,

and when I do this bad
boy is gonna take off.

Well, I'll catch ya later.

Iotta go to Alpha Beta.

- You mean Lucky's?

- Right.

(car lock beeping)

Later days and better lays.

(upbeat chill music)

- They're here.

- Hi, excuse me.

Could you tell us how to get
to the new Apple building?

We've seen just about all
the other high-tech companies

and we're really excited to see
Apple now.

- Todo, I've got a feeling
we're not in Kansas, anymore.

- Yeah, we know we're not in
Kansas.

We're in California.

We just wanna know where Apple
is.

- You wanna know the truth?

- Yeah, that'd be nice.

- You can't handle the truth.

- What truth?

The truth of where the Apple
building is?

- Honey, I think he must be
off his meds or something.

- [Husband] Yeah, I think so.

- We should just ask somebody
else.

- Go ahead, make my day.

- That's pretty sad asking if
someone else makes your day.

- Godzilla!

Godzilla!

- Can you believe this shit?

Hold me back, hold me back.

- No, no, no, here let's just
go.

- Fasten your seat belts,

it's going to be a bumpy night.

- Thanks for nothing.

- Losers, move on!

- Hold me back, hold me back.

- No, just go. (mumbling)

(alternative music)

Psycho.

(funky music)

(yelling)

- Hey, what's going on?

Who the fuck was that?

(funky music)

- Hi there, could you help us
out?

- Sorry, ma'am, I don't do
threesomes.

(funky music)

- We wanna go to the new Apple
building,

could you tell us where it is?

- I sure can.

(funky music)

- Do you know how to get to it
from here?

- Why, yes I do.

- Is everyone retarded around
here?

- It must be in the water.

(funky music)

- Well, where is it?

- See that overpass right there?

When you go under that overpass,
make your very first left.

On the next light make another
left,

then the very next
light make another left.

- Wouldn't that just bring us
back here?

- Oh, right.

Maybe there's a right somewhere
in there.

(funky music)

Under the overpass, make a
left, or was it make a right?

- Okay, thank you.

- Thanks.

(funky music)

- Peace in the Middle East.

♪ I woke up in the morning
with the sun in my eyes ♪

(chill hip hop music)

♪ Feeling so high

♪ Waitin' to see what
a new day will bring ♪

♪ Itching to know just where I
live ♪

♪ Throw on my jacket
headed for the street ♪

♪ Bout to engage in a
little meet and greet ♪

♪ Brothers from the hood

♪ They call me Young Mac

♪ I give 'em some flack

♪ They don't play all that

♪ To them having a good time

♪ Is feeling so high
on cloud number nine ♪

♪ Don't have a care or
worry in the world ♪

♪ This is how I choose to live
my life ♪

♪ Kinda laid back

♪ Kinda chillin' style

(oven door creaking)

♪ Don't let anything ever get me
down ♪

(oven rack creaking)

♪ Live my life, Live my life

♪ This is how I live my life

♪ Life, live my life

(oven door creaking)

♪ This is how I live my life

- Hey babe, come join us.

We could use another player.

- No thanks.

I'm afraid to see you all naked.

- She's funny, huh?

Why you so down?

- It's grandpa.

- Oh shit!

He croaked?

- No, worse.

He's being foreclosed on.

- Lemme see that.

Apparently he hasn't paid her
mortgage in like six months,

and he owes almost like
$15,000 in back payments

and penalties.

- This shit just keeps
getting better and better.

- That's what I said.

Except without the shit part.

- What is he gonna do?

- There's nothing he can do?

He doesn't even have any
savings.

- Hairy fudge balls!

- This is legit.

What are you gonna do?

- What do you think I'm gonna
do?

I'm gonna start a fucking car
wash.

- Ah, hell yeah!

(cheering and upbeat music)

- What'd I miss, what'd I miss?

- [Together] Cheers.

(upbeat electronic music)

- Okay, so what do we need?

- Don't you worry, Max and
I got it all figured out.

- That's what I'm worried about.

- We ran it by the girls at the
club

and they all agreed to help
out, working for tips only.

- Really?

- Yeah.

- Very impressive.

- I'll handle all the girls.

- And I'll handle the traffic.

- And you'll handle the money,
since you are the smart one.

- Very impressive.

So, when do we start?

(upbeat music)

- When do we open?

- We opened half an hour ago.

- At this rate we'll never make
any tips.

- Here's your tip.

(screaming and laughing)

- No, come on girls,
don't get discouraged.

We just forgot to turn on
the open sign, that's all.

- [Amanda] What's going on?

- I thought a good product sells
itself.

- Yeah, but does anyone
know about our product?

- Hey Emma, will you go out to
the front

and turn on the open sign?

- Okay.

- Thanks babe!

- There you go, girl.

(upbeat music)

(sensual electronic music)

- Here we go, girls.

(sensual electronic music)

(chattering)

(sensual electronic music)

- Paid a pretty penny for that,
uh, sexy machine over there.

My friends told me it was a
little showy, not necessary,

but I believe in living
right, you know what I mean?

- Yeah, totally.

- Do I know you from somewhere?

- Nah.

I just got one of those faces,
you know?

- I had a Shar Pei had
one of those faces too.

Shaved his ass, taught
him to walk backwards.

(laughing)

Nah, nah, I'm just kidding, just
kidding.

Lotta money,

lotta money.
- What?

- But if you're gonna live, you
gotta live correctly, right?

You know what I'm talkin' about?

That car, worth every penny.

That's not just a machine.

That my friend, chick magnet.

- Oh, go suck a dick.

- What was that?

- I said so psychedelic, you
know,

the way the light comes down
and shines on the surface?

- It's very astute of you.

That's a word that means
you're on fleek, my friend.

(mumbling)

But I, maybe I'll repaint it,

maybe I'll work it around,

do some sort of silly, silly,
silly thing,

kind of show everybody how
street I am.

I'm workin' it pretty good, I
think.

Got a lot of action going
on, a lot of numbers,

but a car like that,

I mean a car like that,

that's the tip of the iceberg.

That's where you start.

That's the beginning square
in Monopoly, my friend.

That is the beginning.

You move on from there.

You have a car like that,

you have to have some place to
put it.

You got a (foreign language),
you gotta have some place

to drop that in.

Got that car, you gotta have
a good home to put it in.

I gotta palace.

I make Xanadu look like a porta-
potty,

you know what I'm talkin' about?

My place, Monte Sereno, I mean,
4.5 mil.

Shoulda spent more, shoulda, but
I,

I don't believe in being
too flashy, you know,

you know how it goes.

- Ah, what an asshole.

- What's that?

- I said what a hassle
it must be to maintain,

keep that place clean.

- You know it's what I have
people for.

Got people.

You either have people
or you are people, right?

You're either Willy Wonka
or you're the Oompa Loompa.

I choose to be the Wonka.

The uber Wonka.

The bro Wonka.

I don't like the hat though.

The hat's gotta go,

but, nah, I got plenty of staff.

24 hours, all the time.

(fingers snapping)

Ready at my beck and call.

- Fuck off.

- What's that?

- I said I gotta take off.

I think I see my Prius is ready.

- All right, well, you have a
good one.

No shame in Japanese steel.
(laughing)

If you suck dick and you're
queer.

They lost World War Two, you
know?

(laughing)

Good job buddy, good on ya.

Maybe you can afford a real
car someday, that'd be nice.

I'll keep hoping for ya.

Maybe that'll work out
better for ya next time.

(footsteps crunching)

Oh I paid quite a pretty penny
for the sexy machine over...

(sensual electronic music)

Good talk, nice to know you.

Hey, you wanna go to a party?

(sensual electronic music)

Are we done?

She ready?

Okay?

Let's go.

(sensual electronic music)

- Beer?

- Water.

(feet thudding)

All right.

$452.

- Right on!

- No.

- What do you mean, no?

That's more than I make
on most nights dancing.

- While it's a very successful
day,

it's far too short from the
$15,000 we need for grandpa

and the additional $1,500
we need for ourselves.

At this rate, it's
gonna take us two months

to get to our goal.

So what's the problem?

- We don't have two months.

We barely have a week to
get the money for grandpa

so his house doesn't go into
foreclosure.

- We can offer hand-jobs
for a little extra.

- Brit!

I'm not running a whorehouse.

- It was just an idea.

We'll just increase our prices.

- That's one option, but
we're gonna have to triple

our prices to even come close
to the amount that we need.

We need more cars.

- So, we'll advertise.

- We don't have an advertising
budget.

- I know what!

- What?

- Ah, yeah.

(groaning)

Feels so good.

(phone ringing)

Hey, baby face.

- Max, I need a favor.

- Anything for you.

- Can you do me up a little
flier about our car wash

and post it on the
bulletin board at the club?

- You got it.

- You're a doll.

- I know!

Hey, Angel.

- Yeah?

- Could you do me a
favor and get me a marker

and some paper?

- Sure!

(electronic music)

- Talk about direct marketing.

I'm very impressed.

- Thank you.

I dunno know why I didn't
think about this before.

Now come on, let's go take a
shower.

What?

I mean one at a time.

Please.

You're not even my type.

- Oh Please.

Everyone's your type.

- Fuck you!

- See what I mean?

(twangy music)

♪ She was cruisin' down
Cali down in the valley ♪

♪ Tryin' to think of somethin'
to do ♪

♪ She said the rents too high

♪ But so am I

♪ What's a poor girl to do

♪ So they came up with a plan

♪ To fight back to the man

♪ And get all the money they
need ♪

♪ With some help from their
friends ♪

♪ And a couple of tight ends

♪ They put it all together, my
friends ♪

♪ The bikini valley car wash

♪ Yeah, if you're feeling dirty
♪

♪ This is the place to come

♪ The bikini valley car wash

♪ Yeah, we'll make you wet

♪ You can dry off in the sun

(guitar strumming)

♪ The bikini valley car wash

(screaming)

♪ Yeah, if you're feeling dirty
♪

♪ This is the place to come

♪ The bikini valley car wash

(yelling)

♪ Yeah, we'll make you wet

♪ And you can dry off in the sun
♪

♪ Now, we'll make you wet

♪ And you can dry off in the sun
♪

♪ Yeah, down in Cali

♪ You can dry off in the sun

♪ Yeah, now down in Cali

♪ You can dry off in the sun

(guitar strumming)

- Weren't you here last night?

- Yeah.

I can't seem to keep my car
clean.

- Okay, Cool.

- You know, I'd love to
eat you out sometime.

- What?

- I said I'd love to take
you out to eat sometime.

- Oh, that would be nice.

- Holy shit, who the fuck is
that?

- Who?

- That girl walking in slow
motion.

(intense music)

(leaf blower blowing)

- Could you point that
somewhere else, please?

- Oh.

Sorry. (laughing)

- Hi there.

- What will it be?

- How 'bout dinner,
with me tomorrow night?

- I meant the car wash.

- I'll have the works.

- Good choice.

- I always make good choices.

So how about that dinner?

(laughing)

(hip hop music)

- So what line of work are you
in?

- Making money.

- No, really?

- Well, more or less.

I buy beat up old houses

and flip them into multi-level
apartment buildings.

- Very impressive.

- The valley's booming right
now.

The smallest shanty house is
worth it's weight in gold.

Last year my company bought
an entire neighborhood,

we flipped it into a 400 units.

Made a fortune.

- Hm, very impressive.

- But I got nobody to spend it
on.

- (laughing) Very smooth.

So, what happened to the
people who lived there?

- It's not like I bulldozed
them out of their houses.

- No, I didn't say that, either,

but, are they just willing
to get up and move?

- Well, they didn't have much
choice.

You know, most of 'em were in
foreclosure.

So, I was kinda like the
guardian angel.

- How so?

- Well, if they're in
foreclosure,

they basically get out with
the clothes on their backs,

I come in, make them an offer
they can't refuse and boom.

Everybody's happy.

- Right.

- So how about that dinner?

- Excuse me God Father,

but I think I see some
customers coming in.

- What the hell is this?

(laughing)

- Oh my gosh, put that away.

(laughing)

(car door shutting)

(suckling and moaning)

- What?

(hip hop music)

- You know the other day I was
washing my car with my son,

and he stopped me, and he said,

"Dad, can't you just use the
sponge?"

(laughing)

- They're so innocent, man.

Hey, you know what's worse than
it raining

after you get a carwash,

is taking a shower, and
then having to take a shit.

- [Man In Gray] Oh my
god, that is the worse.

(phone ringing)

- Hey, what's up?

Fantastic, now, here's
what I want you to do.

Put a market order on open at
$85,

then buy 50,000 shares
of a penny stock company

named NorCalSelco Inc.

They're about to be acquired
by the search engine giant.

That's right, the one and only.

Earlier today, I
overheard the jubilant CEO

in the parking lot,
boasting to his girlfriend

on his cellphone about
how much he stands to make

and the trips they're gonna
take.

Now go, why are you still
talking to me?

(laughing)

- Hey Uncle Ron.

Welcome to Bikini Valley Car
Wash.

- Looking good, sweetie.

Looking good.

I thought I'd come down here
and check out your operation.

- I actually decided not to have
it.

- I meant the car wash.

- Oh, yeah, we're doing great.

Check it out.

Would you like a complimentary
wash?

- Sure.

I could go for a bikini wax.

- Pull in.

- That's what she said.

- I'll have girls give you the
works.

- Now you're talking.

(laughing)

- Hey sweetie, I know
why you're doing this.

- You do?

- Yes, I do.

It's to help the old
geezer keep the house.

- Are you mad?

- No, I'm not.

- You're the best, uncle Ron.

- I know.

- And just for that,
I'm gonna have someone

very special take care of you.

- Hey, Brit!

Come here.

(rock music)

- Uh, can you just pretend
you're not my niece

for like five minutes?

- Five minutes? (laughing)

- I'm just that fast.

I'm just kidding.

That's terrible, that's
terrible.

- But, how's your car lookin'?

- You guys did a really, really
nice job.

I'm just enjoying the
hug right now, you know?

The car is secondary.

(mumbles)

- Yeah. (laughing)

- I'll get thrown in hell for
this one.

(laughing)

- Nice, very, very impressive.

You guys got a really nice
business coming up, here.

- Mhm, those wheels shiny enough
for ya?

- Yep,

and speaking of coming up, just
kidding.

(laughing)

(mumbling)

They're very nice.

(sighing)

- I can't even believe this.

Hey, Brit.

- [Britney] What's up?

- We're still short.

- What?

Really?

- Yeah, I added the totals
to last nights totals

and we're still at $881.50.

- Muffin muchin' Monday's.

- I mean, I have about $300
saved up,

but that's not nearly
enough to reach out goal.

- What about that hand job idea?

- Brit!

- There's gotta be a way.

- Maybe it's just not meant to
be.

I mean, if it was meant to be,

it wouldn't be this hard.

- Nothing worth fighting
for comes this easy.

I've got another idea.

- I think we made our goal.

Yes!

(cheering)

- Girls, girls, can I get
all of your attention please?

There's a slight problem.

After adding up all the sales,

we still seem to be about $600
short

to saving grandpa's house.

Now, can I see some love
for grandpa, please?

- For grandpa!

- [Bikini Girls] For grandpa!

(rock music)

- Oh, oh my god.

You girls are the best.

I feel like Jimmy Stewart

at the end of "It's a Wonderful
Life".

Every time a bell rings,
an angel gets it's wings.

Yeah, that's it.

- All right Wiki-Boy,
I've got one for you.

Which is the only state to
border a single other state?

What's the matter?

You stumped?

- No.

I just need to get in
the zone, that's all.

- What are you doing?

- Nothing, hold on.

- You don't need your phone.

- Hey!

Gimme back my phone!

- Answer my questions first.

Oh, you suck.

You get all your answers
online, don't you?

You suck big black donkey dicks.

Wait 'til I tell the others.

(sad music)

Hey, Wiki-Boy.

Your secret's safe with me.

Come on.

(dance music)

(cheering and screaming)

You gotta be kidding me.

- [Amanda] What?

- Today is the day.

I've got one more property to
clear

and it's bulldozer time, baby.

Poor Mrs. Collins.

Taking her house from her was
easier

than taking candy from a baby.

- I'm counting on you, Rich.

- Have I ever let you down
before?

- I'm just saying, there's
millions of dollars

riding on this deal.

If we don't get grandpa
Hastings' house,

the whole deal falls through.

- Today, this very day is the
day where this entire block

is yours.

- That's what I wanna hear.

- See that guy over there?

- Who?

Coldplay over there?

- Yeah.

That's Dave, he's a local land
developer,

and then the other guy, that's
Rich,

that's grandpa's banker.

- So?

- I dunno, there's just
something
I don't like about them.

In fact, we're supposed to
meet him with the payment

in less than half an hour.

What is he doing here?

I'm gonna give him a call.

(phone ringing)

- This is Rich Grabel.

- Hey Rich, it's Amanda.

- Well, hello.

I've got the payment for
grandpa's house.

- Excellent.

- So, I'm gonna go pick up
grandpa

and then we'll be on
our way to the office.

- No, no, no, don't go to the
bank.

Keep grandpa inside, where
he won't burst into flames

'cause the sun.

I'll be right over with
the important paperwork.

- Okay.

We'll see you there then.

- All righty then.

- There's just something
I don't like about them.

- What do you mean?

- I don't know yet.

- That was tweedle-dee and
tweedle-duh.

They have all the money.

(laughing)

- Aren't they in for a nasty
surprise?

(hysterical laughing)

(hands slapping)

(country music)

- Hey, Wiki-Boy, you wanna
see some old pictures

of my family?

- Sure, I love old pictures.

- There's my mom and my dad.

(sad music)

It's my mom.

It's me and my dad at the park.

It's my mom and my aunt
at my sister's wedding.

These are prolly the best days
of my life, right there man.

- Yeah, I think those
pictures came with the frame.

(laughing)

- What do you know?

Who the fuck are these people?

This isn't my family.

(frame cracking)

You know something, Wiki-Boy?

I gotta get something off my
chest.

- Yeah, what is it, Lance?

(paper crunching)

What is that?

- It's this stupid thing I
invented.

It's supposed to help
alcoholics quit drinking.

See, what you do, is
you dip this in vodka,

put it on your skin,

and then the alcohol is
absorbed into your skin

at a slow and steady pace.

That way, alcoholics
don't get withdrawals.

I call it The Alcohol Patch.

- How's it work for you so far?

- Not good.

I think there's some of
my lungs on that patch.

Hey Bobo.

- Hey Bobby.

- Hey guys.

- Why the sad face?

- My girlfriend broke up with
me.

- Well, uh, did she say
you could still be cousins?

With benefits? (laughing)

- Good morning grandpa!

- Ho Ho Ho.

Merry fucking Christmas gramps!

- What are you doing?

- Packing.

- What, no, you don't have to do
that.

We have good news.

- We have the money.

- What?

How?

What, what did you do?

- That doesn't matter right
now, I'll explain later.

- Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,

you didn't strip for it, did
you?

- No, we prostituted for it.

- No, we didn't strip
or prostitute for it.

We started a car wash business.

- I didn't know car wash
businesses were so lucrative.

- You just have to know
who to hire, that's all.

- I don't know what to say,

thank you girls!

You're a lifesaver.

- Well, I've always thought of
myself

as more of a Mentos girl, but
whatever.

- Wait, I have an idea.

- What is it Grandpa?

- Why don't you two move
in with me, rent free!

- Grandpa, we know you like your
privacy.

- Privacy?

I'm old.

I don't need no privacy.

I need to be around people.

Would you please consider it?

- Well, why don't you just think
about it?

- Think about it?

I just did.

We'll have lots of fun.

We can watch Matlock, The Price
is Right,

Family Feud with Richard
Dawson (crying and laughing).

- Uh, I don't know.

(laughing)

- Gotcha again.

(laughing)

Won't you think about it, for
me?

- I say okay.

- And you too, hussy.

- What did he just call me?

- [Britney] I say all right.

- But you?

- Fucking A.

- Fucking A.

Fucking A.

Oh, I'm so happy, girls.

- Wait, wait, wait.

You know what this calls for,
right?

- Shots?

- No.

- No.

- Yeah.

- No, no.

- You don't know how long I've
waited for a chance to do it.

- Fine.

(upbeat music)

We're done.

Got anything else to drink
besides Metamucil or Ensure?

- I'd offer you wine

but it says keep out of reach of
children.

- Ha ha.

(doorbell ringing)

- He's here.

(doorbell ringing)

Come on in.

- Good afternoon.

(fingers tapping)

So, you have the entire amount?

- Yes, we do.

- Not a day too soon.

- I told you we'd make it.

- Yes, you did.

Now, let's review exactly what
is owed

at this time, shall we?

Your total amount due with your
situation

is $16,872.32.

- Wait, wait, no.

On the sheet you gave
us, it says $14,960.14.

Not, $16,800 whatever you just
said.

There's gotta be a mistake.

- You're mistaken.

Lemme see this.

Oh, I see what your discrepancy
is.

- No, there's no discrepancy.

You gave us this sheet.

We got the amount of
money, down to the tee,

and now we wanna give it to you

and we want a receipt.

- Hm, no.

So, let me explain
where you've gone wrong.

This spreadsheet, and yourself,
have not taken into account

the payment for this
month, which started today.

If you had paid your
balance in full yesterday,

this would have been your total,

but since it is today,
which is not yesterday,

your total amount due is this.

- No, fuck that.

You gave us a week and
here we are one week later.

Now, are you gonna take our
money

or do I have to pop a cap in
your ass?

- So, we should still
have 29 days to pay this.

- No, because your account
is in a (mumbles) so poorly,

the only way for you to
come current on your account

at this time is to pay your
full balance right now.

- Dick muncher.

- And you couldn't have
said anything last week?

- I'm sorry.

I feel like we're so close
that if I had the money

I would pay the difference for
you,

but my hands are tied

like I wish yours weren't.

- I bet.

- It's okay, dear.

You did your best.

- But let's not have this
all be doom and gloom.

My buyer is still
prepared to write a check

for $250,000 for this property.

So, with just a few signatures,

you can be on your way
to a luxurious retirement

at some sort of assisted living
facility

in sunny Orlando.

- Testicle Tuesday.

- Shall we begin?

(exhaling)

- Where do I sign?

- This is bullshit.

- I don't make the rules,
I just enforce them.

- I can't stand to watch this
train wreck.

- Where do I sign?

- So, sign here, here, and here,

and then initial the
bottoms of all the pages.

- Where do I sign?

- Let me go a bit slower for
you.

Sign here,

here,

and here,

and initial

everywhere.

That slow enough for you?

- Don't be an asshole.

Leave him some dignity.

Hey Grandpa, I just saw
Mrs. Collins outside

and it looked like she was
crying.

- Those are tears of joy,
keep signing (mumbles).

- Excuse me, I was
talking to my grandfather.

- I wouldn't know why, dear.

Maybe she's having the
same situation as me.

- What are the odds?

- Odds, odds?

Who said there were odds.

There are no odds.

It's a coincidence.

It's not even a coincidence.

It is the lesson of the day,

if you do not manage your
finances,

you lose your home, you lose
your things.

That's how it happens.

It is how it has always happened

and always will happen,

how it will continue to happen.

It happens more often
than you would think.

Actually, you know exactly how
often.

If you could, one last signature

right there would be perfect,
thank you.

- You conniving little weasel!

- I would watch your tone
(mumbles).

You are speaking to a
professional.

- I don't even know why
I didn't see before,

but now it's all clear.

How could an assistant bank
manager

afford so many fancy cars?

- I work for my money, that's
how.

It's not so hard to connect the
dots.

- That man you were
having lunch with earlier,

that is John Madison,
and he is the President

of Excaliber Development
Corporation,

and you're running these
helpless senior citizens

out of their homes

and you're withholding
their payment notifications

so they can't pay back
their loan in one lump sum.

- I did no such thing.

- How much are they paying you?

- They?

They, who is they?

And no one is paying me.

Well, the bank is paying me,

but they are not paying me
enough

to deal with the likes of you.

I will tell you that right now.

- How do you live with yourself?

- I'm just doing my job, sweet
cakes.

- I'll be outside, grandpa.

- Come on, Brit.

(sad music)

- I can't believe it.

We were so close.

- I can't believe my
grandfather's in there

signing his life away,

and there's nothing I
can even do about it.

- I know.

It's sad.

(sad music)

♪ There's no defying gravity

♪ But you make me, make me feel
♪

♪ Indestructible

♪ Indestructible

♪ Yeah, you make me feel

- What?

(suspenseful music)

Holy shit!

- What?

- Come on.

(suspenseful music)

Hold it right there.

- What now?

- This statement shows that
the total remaining balance

is $14,960 not $16,800
whatever like you were saying.

There are no further payments.

- You are wrong.

Let me see those.

Amateurs, everybody thinks
they can understand paperwork.

(suspenseful music)

I was so careful.

- What?

You fucked up?

You forgot to add another
payment in there

to surprise us with later?

- None of this matters.

None of that matters.

All that matters in this room,
are these

because I own this house.

These are signed.

I win, you lose.

Nothing else matters.

- Lemme see that.

(paper tearing)

(screaming)

- You can't do that!

That's bank property.

Give me back that piece.

Give it to me!

- Now get the fuck out of my
house.

(lips sputtering)

- What does this mean?

- It means we get to keep the
house.

- We get to keep this house?

Oh darling!

(excited screaming)

(rock music)

Ah, come here!

(cheering)

(rock music)

- Hey, Lance.

How's your girlfriend?

Are you still dating her?

Did you date her this morning?

(hand slapping)

(rock music)

- Hey, Lance.

You did it.

Lance!

You did it!

- Oh shit!

I didn't do it.

I didn't do it.

The girl was naked when
I got there, I swear!

- You did it.

- What'd I do?

- What about the girl?

- Oh, nevermind, what'd I do?

- It's more like, what did we
do?

I just signed a deal with a
company

wanting to acquire our Briskly
app.

- Right on, man.

What does that mean?

- It means that you're
gonna have enough money

to turn your fuck it
list into bucket list.

- Fuck it, all right!

♪ We're in the money

♪ We're in the money.

♪ We're in the money.

(rock music)

(car engine revving)

(car door shutting)

(birds chirping)

- Oh, you come pay me?

Good.

- No, we come give you key.

- What do you mean?

- We mean, keep your old
apartment and shove it.

(keys jangling)

Good luck on your renovation.

- No, you come back.

You come back now or I
give you bad reference.

Come back now, come back.

Bullshit.

(engine revving)

- My Mama always said
life was like was like

a box of chocolates.

Ya never know what you're gonna
get.

Just when I thought I was
out, they pull me back in.

Go ahead, make my day.

(laughing)

Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi.

You're my only hope.

(laughing)

- [Man With Hood] No!

- If you build it, he will come.

- No, no, no, no.

That's my thing!

That's mine!

- Surely you can't be serious?

- I am serious and don't
fucking call me Shirley.

- Hasta la vista, baby.

The dude abides.

(upbeat music)

- Lemme get your attention!

Hello, hello, hello.

Hello, folks.

I'd like to do a special toast

to my lovely niece, Amanda,

and her hard working, sexy ass
friends

for creating a very
exciting, savvy business.

So, let's get a very special
toast

to the Bikini Valley Car Wash!

(cheering)

- [All Together] Bikini Valley
Car Wash!

(cheering)

- Hit it.

(sensual music)

- Sorry, everyone.

(tape jangling)

(dance music)

♪ Yeah

♪ Dropped a shawty

(dance music in foreign
language)

(dance music)

♪ Yeah

♪ Dropped a shawty

(dance music in foreign
language)

(guitar strumming)

♪ The Bikini Valley Car Wash

♪ Yeah, if you're feelin' dirty
♪

♪ This is the place to come

♪ The Bikini Valley car Wash

♪ Yeah, we'll make you wet

♪ And you can dry off in the sun
♪

♪ Yeah, now, we'll make you wet
♪

♪ And you can dry off in the sun
♪

♪ Yeah, down in Cali

♪ You can dry off in the sun

(lips sputtering)

♪ Yeah, now down in Cali

♪ You can dry off in the sun

- Well, one thing is for sure,

the adult industry just
isn't what it used to be.

(groaning)

(sad music)