Original subtitles

♪ Here's the story ♪

♪ Of a lovely lady ♪

♪ Who was bringing up ♪

♪ Three very lovely girls ♪

♪ All of them had hair of gold ♪

♪ Like their mother ♪

♪ The youngest one in curls ♪

♪ It's the story of a man named Brady ♪

♪ Who was busy with three boys of his own ♪

♪ They were four men living all together ♪

♪ Yet they were all alone ♪

♪ Till the one day when ♪

♪ The lady met this fellow ♪

♪ And they knew that it was much more than a hunch ♪

♪ That this group ♪

♪ Must somehow form a family ♪

♪ That's the way we all became the Brady Bunch ♪

♪ The Brady Bunch ♪

♪ The Brady Bunch ♪

♪ That's the way we became the Brady Bunch. ♪

Hi, Mom.

Hi, honey.

How was school today?

Okay.

Alice made some of your favorite cookies if you're hungry.

Good, I am.

Mm-- here, this is for you.

Oh.

Hey, it's an invitation to Lucy Winter's birthday party.

Who opened it?

I did, but it wasn't my fault.

Look at the envelope.

"Marcia Brady"?

How come my invitation was addressed to you?

I don't know.

Lucy's your friend,

so I called her and checked it out.

Well, what did she say?

Well, you know, just one of those things.

She made a mistake

and put my name instead of yours.

JAN: Mom?

Yes, honey?

Did you hear about Lucy Winter's invitation?

Well, I did hear Marcia calling about it.

( sighs )

Why does this always happen to me?

Why does what always happen?

People are always forgetting who I am.

I'm always Marcia's younger sister

or Cindy's older sister.

I'm in the middle

and being in the middle is like being invisible.

Oh, Jan, I really think you're making too much out of this.

I mean, after all,

you are the one who was invited to the party.

( sighs )

They won't even know I'm there.

Jan Brady will, that's who.

Dad, can I talk to you?

Sure, Peter, just a minute.

( whistling )

Peter, what is it you want?

Well, I was wondering if I could have

an advance on my allowance.

Advance on your allowance?

I just gave you your allowance for this week.

Well, I was thinking more like an advance on next week's.

What happened to this week's?

Well, I saw the chance

for a really great business deal,

so I leant everything I had to Jan--

four dollars and 49 cents...

at 20% interest.

What does Jan need all that money for?

She didn't say.

Well, what do you need the money for?

Well, I was invited

to Lucy Winter's birthday party, too.

So I guess I better get her a present.

Well, that's probably what Jan wanted the money for.

How much do you need?

Mm... 49 cents.

49 cents? Why exactly 49 cents?

Well, I figure that's how much she spent

on my birthday present, so I don't want to embarrass her

by getting her something too good.

Well, that's very considerate, Peter.

Here, you owe me a penny.

Got it all ready.

There.

Thanks.

Good-bye, Peter.

Are you looking for someone, dear?

Oh, no, ma'am.

I'm looking for a wig.

You mean for yourself?

Yes, ma'am.

I think your own hair is nice.

I love it.

I don't know why you'd want to change it.

I think you'd probably know why

if you had two blonde sisters at home.

Oh, I see the problem.

We want a complete change, do we?

Yes, ma'am, that's what we want.

Well, now, what style wig did you have in mind?

Oh, I don't know.

Something crazy-- kind of like the style you're wearing.

( chuckles ): It's my own hair.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Not half as sorry as I am.

Well, now let's see what we've got here.

There's "Early Rust,"

"Pompeii Pumice," "Lunar Dust..."

Here's... no.

Hey, this one's kind of nice

That's your midnight temptress

Listen, don't you think its a little mature?

Well I am older than I look

I'm 12

That old? You catty it very well

Thank you

Midnight temptress, huh?

That's right

Well I don't think I'll be up that late

You mind if I like around?

Oh not at all

With each an every purchase you get a free styrofoam head

Hey, that one's kind of different

No, no, no, I wouldn't recommend that

Why not?

It's a handbag. And it belongs over here

Helen how many times do I have to tell you not to mix merchandise

It's tacky

Well, ok, I'll just keep looking

Cindy, what are you looking for?

Hair ribbons.

I can't go to over to Ginny's house without them

or she'll get mad.

Why?

Because they're her hair ribbons.

We swapped yesterday.

When was the last time you saw them?

Last night when I took them off.

Hey, maybe they're in the bathroom.

( pounding on door )

Whoever it is, I'm in here.

CINDY: Jan, let me in.

I have to get my hair ribbons.

Come back later.

Come on, Jan, open up!

You let us in.

Grab her.

Jan, what happened?

The top of your head turned black.

Don't be silly, it's a wig.

Where'd you get that?

Oh, I bought it this morning.

What do you think?

Jan, I think it looks awful.

Who asked for your opinion?

Oh, I've always liked this dress on Jan.

( mumbling )

You, too, huh?

Mm-hmm...

( mumbling )

Yeah, I agree.

Well, I hope we got it right this time.

( mumbling )

Honey, have you seen those blueprints I brought home?

Alice, have you seen Mr. Brady's blueprints?

( mumbling )

She says they're upstairs in the bedroom.

How could you tell what she said?

Oh, very simple.

( chuckling ): Women.

Honey, listen, if you're going upstairs,

would you send Jan down?

I want her to try this on again.

Jan you can't wear that to Lucy Winters' birthday.

I don't see why not

Because you'll look like some kind of kook, that's why

You're just jealous Macia

Well, I'm not jealous

Wait till mt friends at the party see me. You know what they'll say?

Mmhmm. I can think of a lot of things they'll say

Very funny. They'll say for the first time thats the real Jan Brady

Mike: Jan?

Uh-oh thats dad

MIKE: Jan?

( whimpering )

Yes, Dad?

Your mother wants you.

Do you mean now?

Yes.

Right now?

Yes. That's what I said, right now.

You mean this very minute, now?

This very minute, now.

It's my hair-- I can't do a thing with it.

Hey, when's Peter coming back?

I don't know. He went to buy a present for Lucy.

I got something I'd better tell him.

What?

Guess who's going to be

at Lucy Winter's party?

Who?

Margie Wipple--

her brother told me.

The one Peter says is always chasing after him?

Yeah, making those goofy eyes at him and all that mush.

He's going to love seeing her.

We'd better warn him when he gets back.

Hey, wait a minute.

What would happen if we didn't tell him

Margie Wipple was going to be there?

Then he wouldn't know till he got to the party.

And spend the whole time

with Margie chasing after him-- get it?

That'd be a dirty trick to play on him.

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

You wanted to see me, Mom?

Jan, I thought you washed your hair yesterday.

Oh, I did, but, uh, it needed it again.

Well, come on over here.

I want to check the length on this.

Couldn't we do it later?

Jan, honey, if you're going to wear this to the party,

we've got to do it right now.

Okay.

CAROL: Come on.

Here, Alice, you hold it up

and I'll take a look.

Okay. Oh, you're really going to knock 'em dead

at that party in this dress. Thank you.

Looks great-- goes so well with your blond hair.

Hold still, Jan.

Oh, I think it looks fine, huh?

Mm, just right.

Mom, can we have a...

Hey, what are you supposed to be, a swami?

Very funny.

What's a swami?

It's like a fortune teller.

Tell us, swami,

what do you see in your crystal ball?

Yeah, tell our fortunes.

Oh, stop that.

What's the matter?

Did you lose your mystic powers?

Maybe they're under her hat.

( gasps )

Jan!

What on earth?

( boys laughing )

What's so funny?!

Nothing, nothing...

if you want to look like Davy Crockett!

What's going on in here?

( boys continue laughing )

She looks like she's got a skunk

sleeping on top of her head.

Go away! Just leave me alone!

Greg, Bobby, that's enough.

Here, Mrs. Brady.

Come on, guys.

I'll play you a game of two on one.

I don't see what's so funny

about my wig.

Jan, where did you get that?

I bought it.

With my own money.

Why?

Because I want to wear it.

I want to wear it all the time from now on.

Honey, why?

I want to be me.

I'm tired of looking like everyone else.

I want to be Jan Brady.

But, honey, Jan Brady has blond hair.

Nobody notices that Jan Brady,

but they'll sure notice this Jan Brady.

Jan, a person doesn't make himself different

just by putting on a wig.

It's what's inside that counts,

not the color of your hair.

Well, then, if the color of my hair doesn't matter,

why can't I be a brunette?

Well, honey...

Please can I wear it?

Please... just to Lucy Winter's party.

Well... if it means so much to you.

And if it's okay with your father.

Okay.

Oh, thanks, you'll see.

Things will be different for me as a brunette.

I bet I'm the hit of Lucy's party tonight.

How do you think Kitty Karry-All would look

with black hair?

The same as Jan-- silly.

You think you're so smart.

All you'd have to do is take a look at the three of us.

Which one do you think people would notice?

Me-- I'm the shortest.

Pliers.

Does this look like pliers?

Mm-mm.

Hi.

Hi. Hi.

( laughs )

What's so funny?

Nothing.

What are you doing?

What does it look like I'm doing?

I'm going to wrap Lucy Winter's present.

( laughing )

Oh, that's right.

The party is tonight.

That ought to be a lot of fun.

Yeah... fun.

( giggles )

What's the matter with him?

Nothing.

( giggles )

He's just got the giggles.

Okay... something's up.

What is it?

Nothing at all.

Come on, Bobby, you know something.

Tell me.

No, I don't.

I'll tickle you.

No!

Tell me. No!

Talk!

( laughing ): Stop tickling.

Not until you tell me.

All right, all right, all right.

I'll tell you.

Somebody is going to be at the party.

Who?

Somebody.

Who?!

Margie-- Margie Wipple!

Oh, no.

No...

You'll have a great time, Pete.

Yeah, great, with her chasing me

and making dumb faces all night?

I'm not going.

You gotta go.

You can't promise to go and take Jan

and then not do it...

not unless you were sick or something.

Yeah, well, just the same, I...

What's the matter?

Boy... am I beginning to feel sick.

So I thought you'd better take a look at Peter.

Yeah. He doesn't sound so good.

He's kind of moaning.

And groaning.

When did this happen?

Just a little while ago.

All of the sudden.

CAROL: Never a dull moment around here.

( footsteps approaching )

( moaning )

( moaning )

Peter, what's wrong?

I don't know.

I just don't feel so good.

It kind of hit him all of a sudden.

Yeah, like lightning.

I think you boys better leave us alone.

Sure, Dad.

Where does it hurt, Peter?

Kind of all over.

It's sort of a traveling pain.

When did it start?

Just a little while ago.

I guess I'll have to miss Lucy Winter's terrific party.

It's that bad, is it?

Yeah, I'll have to miss it all right.

Boy, am I unhappy about that.

Yes, we can see that.

Mike, don't you think we better call the doctor.

Oh... yeah, right away.

Doctor?

Well, I'll be all right.

See, I can sit up a little.

Dear, I really think it's better

if you stay in bed.

At least for a couple of days.

But I have a ball game tomorrow.

Not if you're sick.

Wait, I'll be all right.

I feel much better now.

I'm sorry, Peter, but we can't take any chances.

Look.

I'm not sick anymore, see?

Can I play in the game tomorrow? Please?

Well... just to make sure you're okay, Peter,

you can take your sister

to Lucy Winter's birthday party.

If you're okay after that,

then you can play.

CAROL: That's a good idea, Mike.

I know Peter would just hate

to miss that party.

Yeah, I can hardly wait.

Come on, Peter.

What's the matter with you?

You act like you were going

to the electric chair.

It'd be better than facing that Margie.

I think I'll lock myself in a closet.

Well, you may not have a good time,

but the new Jan Brady is going to be a smash.

Now, you go first and sort of announce me.

I want to make a big entrance.

Oh, hi, Peter.

Hi, Lucy, happy birthday.

Thank you.

Margie, Peter is here!

Did you have to do that?

Hi, Peter.

How are you?

Where's Jan?

Oh, okay, everybody!

Here's my sister, the new Jan Brady!

Hi, there.

Happy birthday, Lucy.

Hi, Margie.

Hi.

Jan, that's terrific.

Thanks.

That's the funniest joke

you've ever played.

( all laugh )

You really look funny.

Hey! That'd be great

for Halloween.

( all laugh )

Halloween?

Yeah, Halloween.

What's the matter with her?

Lucy, she didn't mean it to be a joke.

Oh Mike, wasn't that good?!

Mmmhmm

Is it over?

Is it over?! You were the one that wanted to watch it!

Sure its on of my favorite shows

CAROL: Jan...?

Hi, there.

Honey, what's the matter?

They laughed at me.

They thought my wig was a joke.

Oh, sweetheart, I'm sorry.

Mom, Dad, you were right.

I guess I do look

like some kind of a freak in this thing.

Honey, you just don't look like you.

Well, Jan, your friends like you the way you are.

I sure wasted my money on that thing.

Oh, well... I'm not so sure.

Maybe you learned a valuable lesson very cheaply.

Why didn't you wait, Jan?

I would have walked you home.

Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Brady.

Hi, Lucy. Hello, girls.

Jan, we're really sorry.

We didn't mean to hurt your feelings.

We thought the wig had to be a joke.

Your own hair, it's so pretty.

We all envy it.

You do?

Will you come back

to the party with us, please?

Well...

Oh, honey, why don't you?

Well...

I'd like to, I guess.

Okay.

Come on.

Hey, come on, Peter.

No chance.

Hey, Peter, I thought we had an agreement.

Oh, yeah...

Okay, I'll go.

Yeah, he's shy.

Like father, like son.

Like heck.

Ah!

Oh, uh...

Uh... I-I didn't...

( chuckles nervously )

Jan gave it to me.

What do you think, Mrs. Brady?

Oh... oh, well, I, uh, think it's, uh...

Well... what I mean is, it's, uh...

Well... what do you think, Mike?

Uh, uh... well... I think it's, uh...

I mean... it's certainly got a lot of, uh...

I think I need a third opinion.

Alice, what do you think?

It's unanimous.

Oh, well... I can always shave it and use it for a shower cap.