Original subtitles

♪ Here's the story ♪

♪ Of a lovely lady ♪

♪ Who was bringing up ♪

♪ Three very lovely girls ♪

♪ All of them had hair of gold ♪

♪ Like their mother ♪

♪ The youngest one in curls ♪

♪ It's the story of a man named Brady ♪

♪ Who was busy with three boys of his own ♪

♪ They were four men living all together ♪

♪ Yet they were all alone ♪

♪ Till the one day when ♪

♪ The lady met this fellow ♪

♪ And they knew that it was much more than a hunch ♪

♪ That this group ♪

♪ Must somehow form a family ♪

♪ That's the way we all became the Brady Bunch ♪

♪ The Brady Bunch ♪

♪ The Brady Bunch ♪

♪ That's the way we became the Brady Bunch. ♪

Clark?

Huh?

This map of the United States I'm drawing

looks kind of weird.

Oh, it'd look better

if you hadn't forgotten Baja, California.

Yeah, I guess that would help.

How's the homework going?

Terrific.

Clark's so wonderful, so super.

I can't believe it.

I'll take one just like him

in the big economy size.

Little girls are so funny.

Jan was so worried she'd never have a boyfriend.

Well, let's face it-- 11 years old!

She's not getting any younger.

Mom, have you or Alice seen my math book?

I think it's in the family room, Marcia.

Thanks.

Honey, Jan and Clark Tyson

are in there studying.

I won't disturb them.

Hi.

Hi.

Clark, this is my sister, Marcia.

This is Clark Tyson.

Hi!

Hi.

We're studying for a geography test tomorrow.

I'll get out of your way.

No hurry.

Wow, have you got a neat sister!

You think so?

Wow! How did you get a sister like her?

Just lucky, I guess.

Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad.

Hi, honey.

How was your day?

Just terrible.

The worst. Really the worst.

I'm so mad I could... Oh, am I mad!

Something happen at school?

Something didn't happen at school.

Clark didn't even look at me.

I saw him at lunch, and I passed him in the hall five times.

Maybe he had something else on his mind.

He sure did-- Marcia.

Marcia?

Yes, Marcia.

It's all her fault.

What's Marcia got to do with Clark?

Well, I'm not sure,

but I think our blue-eyed daughter

has been smitten by the green-eyed monster.

( tauntingly ): Mirror, mirror on the wall,

who's the fairest one of all?

Hi. What's with you?

What I want to know is

what's with you... and Clark Tyson?

Who?

Don't pretend you don't remember.

After what you did yesterday

when Clark and I were studying,

and you came slinking in...

Oh, him.

Your little friend from school.

He's not my little friend from school.

He's taller than I am,

and he's the best-looking boy in my class.

You came in there on purpose

just to turn on your icky old charm.

Are you kidding?

Why would I be interested in him?

He's only a child, I'm a woman.

He's not a child.

He's twelve.

You're being ridiculous

all I did was walk in the room and pick up my book.

Well if that's all,

why did his eyes nearly pop out of his head?

I can't help it if his eyes poped.

You were trying to steal my boyfriend

and you know it!

I just came in for my book.

And then why did he drool over you

and pay no attention to me?

Jan, if boys don't find you attractive,

don't blame it on me.

Marcia,

What's going on between you and Jen?

I don't know mom

she came in here and accusing me of stealing her boyfriend.

Imagine a mature person like me

trying to date a twelve year old.

Well, you must have done something honey?

Not a thing.

Honest.

Yesterday when she was studying with Clark

and I went in to get my book, I said "Hi."

Now what's wrong with that?

Well that all depends on how you said it,

Hi or Hi!

(laugh)

Mom... it's nothing more than simple rivalry.

That means competition between brothers or sisters.

Oh gee I'm glad you cleared that up.

As long as your smart enough to know what it means

Let's see if your smart enough to put a stop to it.

I'll do everything I can.

But its really up to Jen.

Greg?

Yeah?

You busy?

Yeah. What do you want?

I need some advice.

Okay.

Shoot.

It's about boys.

I thought you shrewd females

knew all about us poor, dumb guys.

Well, this is for a friend of mine.

See, she met this real cute guy,

and everything was groovy.

Until then, all of a sudden, he lost interest.

Why would a guy do this to my friend?

Just lose interest?

Maybe she's using the wrong kind of toothpaste.

I'm serious, Greg.

Well, how should I know?

The guy probably found something about her he didn't like.

Such as what?

Maybe she's got a face

that would scare snakes.

She has not.

Is she too fat?

No.

Too thin?

No.

Well, then it's got to be her crummy face.

Who is it?

Just some unfortunate girl.

Thanks, Greg.

Yuck!

It's my crummy face.

Greg was right.

Rotten freckles.

( sighs )

Cinnamon cookies!

They're Jan's favorites.

Thought I'd make some to cheer her up.

Well, I guess a shattered romance

can be pretty rough at that age.

Oh, yeah.

I remember when I was 10 or 11

I had a big crush on a girl

Had three teeth missing in front

You or the girl?

(Laugh) Oh no, the girl.

Yeah. She was all gums but I loved her.

Through me over for a kid who can whistle through his nose.

Oh Mike! (laugh)

I once had an offer of marriage at 7

Looking back I should have taken it.

Mom?

Can I go to the store, please?

Well, don't be long, dear.

Dinner's almost ready.

Who can eat?

I wish there was something we could do

to make her feel better.

Maybe we could give her

some of her birthday presents in advance.

Hey, better than that--

how about a surprise birthday party?

Wonderful.

A party's a sure cure for the blues.

With balloons and paper streamers

and cake and ice cream?

The works!

Now, this is a very important meeting.

High-level, top-secret stuff.

Jan isn't here yet.

That's the whole point.

We're planning her surprise birthday party

for Saturday night.

A surprise party?

Neato.

What do we do?

We'll do anything.

Just tell us.

Cindy, you're in charge

of putting candles on the birthday cake.

You know how many to put on?

Sure. I can even count high enough

to put candles on your cake.

That many candles would be against the fire laws.

( all laughing )

Marcia, you have the honor of baking the cake.

Oh, great.

Let's see...

Make a double shafon,

orange, three layer upside down

with pink frosting

and peppermint sherbet filling.

Bobby you'll be in charge of blowing up the balloons.

That's a good job for him, he's a windband

Na-na-na

Greg, you and Peter will be in charge of the decorations.

Balloons, paper streemers, all that jazz...

Now, any questions?

Who's in charge of the ice cream?

That's my department.

Want to trade?

You can blow the balloons and I can be in charge of the ice cream.

Are you kidding,

That would be like putting a mouse

in charge of the cheese.

Thank you.

Something for you, young lady?

Oh, I was just looking around.

Do you have any kind of, um...

well... something to get rid of freckles?

Freckles?

It's for a friend of mine.

For a friend of yours. Hmm...

I suppose these freckles she has--

they're a real big problem?

They're ruining her life.

Oh that's too bad.

Making her a social outcast.

Oh that is a shame!

Pretty girl I supposed if it weren't

Those ol' freckles?

Well, she's not bad looking.

I mean not really ugly or anything

Its just... -

Those old freckless!

I can see you understand...

I do...

Well, is there anything I can... I mean, she can use?

There's some cream and ointments

But I wouldn't recommend them.

You might suggest

to your friend

that a little lemon juice wouldn't hurt.

And stay out of the sun, too.

I sure will.

Thank you.

( chuckling )

We've got to hide these birthday presents

someplace where Jan won't look.

Hey, how about under my bed?

Sure.

( door rattles )

Yikes!

Get under the bed!

( whispering ): What's she doing with lemons?

I guess she wants sour skin.

PETER: You should have seen the neat girl

Clark Tyson and I walked home with.

Her name's Ginny Wilmer.

Talk about cool.

GREG: Yeah, I saw her.

She's not bad.

She's really neat.

All the guys in our class are flipped.

Well, I only saw her from a distance.

PETER: She's even better up close.

Kind of crazy eyes.

Lots of freckles.

Boy, do they make her look out of sight!

There goes your last excuse.

It isn't the freckles. It's just dumb old you.

( sobbing )

Bobby, would you mind

telling everyone dinner's ready?

Okay. But what's the matter with Jan?

She sure is acting funny.

In what way?

First, she rubbed a lemon on her face,

and then she started crying.

Lemon?

Jan?

Dinner's about ready.

I'm not hungry.

Hey, hey, what's the problem?

Come on, let's talk about it.

There's nothing to talk about.

Jan, you'll only make it worse keeping it to yourself.

Nobody understands.

Oh, I think we do, Jan.

Clark Tyson's just one boy.

One of these days, you'll meet another one.

You sure will.

Hundreds of them.

You mustn't feel left out

because you don't have a boyfriend now.

But I do have a boyfriend.

Oh, you do?

He's one of the nicest boys in the school.

And he thinks I'm super cool.

That's wonderful.

What's his name?

His name... is George.

George what?

George, uh...

George... Glass.

George Glass.

I'll go wash up for dinner.

I'm starved.

A minute ago, she was never going to eat again.

Now she's starved and has a new boyfriend.

Hmm... Well, go figure out a woman.

Even her size.

Wow! That's pretty wild.

Way out.

That's really something.

What is it?

A painting.

Yeah, well, the idea had occurred to us.

I painted it for Jan's birthday Saturday.

Oh, she'll love it, Peter.

But you may have to explain what it is.

It's supposed to be an elephant

walking through some woods.

Oh, yeah, of course. It's an elephant.

Oh, sure. I can see it clearly now.

There's the old elephant, right there.

That's a clump of trees.

The elephant's over here.

Oh, well, with this light in here,

it's kind of hard to see.

Hi, Mom.

Hi, honey. How's the new boyfriend?

Huh?

George.

Oh, George. Terrific.

Every day, in school, he carries my books

and my tray in the cafeteria.

He's out of sight.

I'm home.

Hi, pumpkin.

Hi, Daddy.

Hey, what does he look like?

Who?

George-- your new boyfriend.

He's sort of tall and dark and handsome.

How come you never said anything about him?

I don't go around blabbing.

What's so unusual about having a new boyfriend?

It just seems funny you never said anything.

Yeah. How come he never phones?

Oh. Well, don't worry. He will.

Hello, operator?

Will you call back on 762-0799?

There may be something wrong with our bell.

Thank you.

( phone rings )

JAN: I'll get it.

Sure.

Hello.

This is Jan.

Oh, hi, George.

It's so thoughtful of you to call.

Excuse me, George.

Do you mind? This is a personal phone call.

Yes, George, I'm listening.

Okay, you guys.

The other girls were absolutely green with envy

when this real cute boy started talking to me.

What boy? Gordon?

Oh, Dad.

I'm talking about Tommy.

Oh, Mike, you're out of it.

Gordon was weeks ago.

You got to have a computer

to keep up with her boyfriends.

We forgot the pickles.

I'll get them.

No, I'll go.

Hello, operator?

We're having trouble with our phone.

Will you call back at 762-0799, please?

Thank you.

Hey, where are the pickles?

I guess we're out of them.

( phone rings )

I'll get it.

Ah...!

I'll put up a sign:

"Watch out for housekeepers crossing highway."

Thanks, Alice.

( ringing )

Hello.

Oh, hi, George.

Sure, I can talk.

It's so sweet of you to call, George.

King George is back on the line.

His father must own the phone company.

Boy, is he giving her the rush.

Mind an interruption, dear?

No.

I have an inspiration.

Bring it in. I could use one.

You know how crazy Jan is about George.

Why don't we invite him to her birthday party?

That way, she'd have a double surprise.

Hey, you're right. That is an inspiration.

Of course, we have to find George

without letting Jan know.

I'll round up the other kids

and put them on his trail.

Hi, Mom.

Hi, honey. How did it go?

What about George?

I couldn't find him.

There's no George in Jan's class.

Hi, Dad.

Hi, honey.

Oh, hey, wait a minute.

What's the word on George?

It's a mystery, Dad. Really.

What do you mean?

I checked in the attendance office.

There's no George Glass in the whole school.

Well, Mike, the mystery about George deepens.

Oh, yeah? How do you mean?

I covered this whole area.

There's no George Glass in this part of town.

That's strange.

Sorry.

You tried, Greg.

Mike, are you thinking

the same thing I'm thinking?

Mm-hmm. There's no George Glass, period.

Exactly.

Why? Why this problem with boys?

She's bright and attractive.

I wish I knew.

We'd have to ask a boy.

What do you want to ask me about, Mrs. Brady?

Thank you.

Well, Clark, we've been curious about something.

And, since you're in Jan's class,

we thought you might be able to tell us.

I'll try.

It's about Jan.

How do the boys feel about her?

They all like her.

They do?

Yeah. She's a real good guy.

"Guy"?

But, Clark, Jan is a girl.

Yeah, but she doesn't look too much like one.

She doesn't wear groovy clothes.

You don't say?

She's a swell guy.

Thanks, Clark. I get the picture.

Good arm.

( whistling merrily )

Dad!

No pictures! I look terrible!

I'll make sure to keep you off-camera.

Okay, let's go, Jan.

( whispers ): Hi.

Gee... I didn't even know it was you.

Yeah, this dress is kind of dumb, isn't it?

What's so dumb about it?

I think it's cool.

You mean you like it?

CLARK: Yeah, I like it.

You make a great-looking girl.

Wow!

Gee, thanks.

Happy birthday! Surprise!

Surprise! Happy birthday!

Surprise! Surprise! Surprise!

Happy birthday! Happy birthday!

Happy birthday!

Happy birthday, Jan.

Oh, gee, thanks, Clark.

Oh, Mom, Dad, it's terrific.

I couldn't have been more surprised.

Yeah. One thing, though.

How about George?

Oh, it doesn't really matter.

I've given George up.

To me, he doesn't even exist anymore.

CAROL: Here you go.

A piece for you.

Hold on one second.

And a scoop coming up.

Whammo.

Seconds?

Well, that must be good cake.

( children talking excitedly )

There you go.

Whammo number two.

That's good.

Have you tasted this?

Yeah. It's thick and rich and gooey.

Just the way I love it.

Well, I think the party's a swinging success.

Yep. Two down, one to go.

What do you mean?

First, Marcia had a boyfriend problem,

then it was Jan. Cindy's next.

Cindy? She's only eight years old.

She won't be interested in boys for...

a couple of weeks yet.

I think I'd like to amend that prediction.