Original subtitles

[theme music playing]

♪ Here's the story ♪

♪ Of a lovely lady ♪

♪ Who was bringing up ♪

♪ Three very Lovely girls ♪

♪ All of them had Hair of gold ♪

♪ Like their mother ♪

♪ The youngest one In curls ♪

♪ It's the story Of a man named Brady ♪

♪ Who was busy with Three boys of his own ♪

♪ They were four men Living all together ♪

♪ Yet they Were all alone ♪

♪ Till the one day when The lady met this fellow ♪

♪ And they knew that it was ♪

♪ Much more than a hunch ♪

♪ That this group ♪

♪ Must somehow form a family ♪

♪ That's the way we all ♪

♪ Became the Brady Bunch ♪

♪ The Brady Bunch ♪

♪ The Brady Bunch ♪

♪ That's the way we became ♪

♪ The Brady Bunch ♪

How do these strike you, Mrs. Brady?

Well, they're lovely, Alice,

but I don't think curtains look right there.

No, no. I'm helping the boyfriend

decorate his apartment tonight.

Think Sam will like these in his kitchen?

Aren't they a little frilly, Alice?

Looks like they'd go better

in a woman's apartment than a man's apartment.

That's the whole idea,

to turn that man's apartment

into this woman's apartment.

[horn honking]

Oh, look who's home early on Friday.

Oh, what a way to start the weekend.

Hi, honey. Gee, what a great surprise. I hope nothing's wrong.

Wrong? Wait till you hear. You're going to flip.

Well, how about a kiss first? You know, that flips me, too.

Hey, you only hit one lip.

Guess what I have here.

Well...

Ah, don't bother, 'cause you'll never guess.

Was I close?

Two tickets, fifth row center,

for tonight to see...

Oh, Mike, I can't believe it!

For tonight!

But that show's been sold out for weeks.

-Well, I... -Oh, Mike, I'm so excited!

How did you ever do it?

But we can't go.

Can't go?

Carol, after all I went through

to get these things?

Well, I'm sorry, Mike,

but Alice is helping Sam

decorate his new apartment tonight.

Yeah? Well, she can do that another night.

What's the big deal?

Well, you know, Alice likes Sam very much.

I like Sam very much.

Mike, you don't want to marry Sam.

No. You got me there.

So maybe we can work out something else.

-Hi, kids. -Hi, Dad.

Hi, Dad.

Honey, you want to see this show

as much as I do, don't you?

Of course.

Honey, you know it's something

we never think of

because Alice is always here,

but why don't we call a baby-sitter?

Yeah. Why not, indeed?

Let's make an evening out of it...

Dinner first, and the show afterwards.

Look, I'll call Jennifer down the street.

She does baby-sitting.

A baby-sitter!

For us?

Boy, oh, boy, oh, boy.

You can say that again.

Treating us like we're infants.

A baby-sitter.

I, for one, would feel

absolutely humiliated to be sat for.

So would I.

I think we ought to take a firm stand with Mom and Dad.

Right. No baby-sitter for us.

I'll do all the talking,

but you keep nodding your head a lot.

Okay, but you've got to look like we mean it.

Don't worry. I will.

I'll look them straight in the eye and tell them we do mean it.

And I promise to back you up.

Oh, well, then you wouldn't be able to sit for us.

It's Maude's bowling night.

Well, thanks, anyway, Maude.

I hope you break 100. Bye.

Well, I don't know what we're going to do, Alice.

-I've called everybody I can think of. -Me, too.

-How we doing? -We're not.

What about Jennifer down the street?

That sounded so simple.

Well, she moved.

And you know my folks are out of town.

Everybody else we could think of are busy.

[groans]

Hey, I just thought of somebody. Me!

I can help Sam decorate his apartment any old night.

You got tickets to a show.

I don't need a ticket to see Sam.

Hey, great.

But we wouldn't hear of it.

No. We wouldn't hear of that, Alice.

Oh, I don't mind, really.

Alice, don't give it another thought.

Mike, uh...

Listen, Mike, this evening out with Sam

really means a lot to Alice.

Okay, okay. I got the point.

I got your elbow, too.

Listen, why don't we call

one of those professional baby-sitting agencies?

They're reliable.

You know something? You are brilliant.

You know, for that you're going to get both lips.

[clears throat] Mom? Dad?

-I'm sorry. -It's all right, Greg.

Just remind where we were, would you?

Of course. What is it, kids?

Marcia and I would like to talk to you for a moment.

Sure. Go ahead.

Well? What is it, Greg?

We're bugged about something, Dad.

Real bugged.

About what?

Marcia and I think we're too old

to have a baby-sitter,

and we're very firm about that.

[Marcia] Very firm about that.

Too old, huh?

Yes, sir. Too old.

-I'm 14. -I'm 13.

Kids our age are baby-sitters.

They have a very good point.

Yeah.

Somehow, when they're your own,

they seem younger.

Then we can sit for ourselves tonight?

Well, it's all right with me if it's all right with your mother.

Well, why not?

-Great! -Thanks, Mom.

Okay. Your tour of duty

will start at approximately 6:00,

at which time I'm going to take your mother

to a very fancy restaurant.

6:00. Check. Come on, Marcia.

[whispering]

Dad?

Now what?

Baby-sitters get 75 cents an hour.

What?

-Each. -Each?

They sure are growing up.

Now, I'm trusting all of you

to be on your extra-best behavior tonight

with Greg and Marcia.

[Cindy] Gee, Mom. You mean you're leaving us all alone?

What a dodo. She just got through telling you

we're going to be with you. It's not being alone.

You want to bet?

Mom, does this mean

we have to follow their orders?

Especially his?

Your father and I

have left instructions with Greg and Marcia.

They'll be acting for us.

Does that answer your questions?

Yeah.

We have to follow orders.

Good thinking.

Which one is the head baby-sitter?

Greg or Marcia?

Neither one.

We're both the same.

Right, Mom?

Right.

You mean I have to ask both of them

to help me take a bath?

No chance, man.

I'll skip my bath.

No chance, man.

Greg will help you.

I'd still rather skip it.

[sniffles loudly]

Cindy, are you coming down with the sniffles?

If I am, I don't want Greg or Marcia blowing my nose.

I can do it myself.

Okay, Greg and Marcia, you heard that.

No nose-blowing for Cindy.

Well, I guess that does it.

I better go get dressed.

[sniffles again]

Cindy, are you sure you're feeling all right?

Fine.

Well, just to be sure,

I think we better take your temperature.

I'll help, Mom.

Come on, Jan. Let's watch TV.

Everything under control?

I have the sniffles.

But I can blow my own nose.

-Sniffles? -Oh, she's fine, Mike.

Greg... I want to make sure now

that you remember everything.

Would you stop worrying?

You said you trusted us.

Right. Right.

I do.

You smell something. Smoke's coming out of the television set.

-What do you do? -Get everybody out of the house

and call the fire department.

Hot-water pipe bursts. What do you do?

I don't take a bath.

Not you. Him.

I turn off the main valve and call the plumber.

Yeah.

All right. Go get your face washed... know-it-all.

Dad? Why do baby-sitters have to know so much?

Well, because...

they're here to protect you

while Mom and Dad are out of the house.

Protect us from what?

Oh, Bobby, all kinds of things.

Accidents, stranger at the door.

I don't know any strangers.

Bobby, come with me. Come with me.

Now, I'm going to go outside

and knock on the door.

Did you lose your key?

Huh?

No, I didn't lose my key,

I just want to show you something.

What are you doing?

Trying to see what you're doing.

Never mind that. Now, just do what I told you.

[knocking]

Hi, Daddy.

Never open the front door

without asking who it is.

Now... try it again.

Okay.

[knocking]

Who is it?

It's Daddy.

That's very good.

Now... this time,

I'm going to be a stranger.

And a stranger is somebody

that we don't know, okay?

And we never open doors for people we don't know.

-Right? -Right.

[knocking]

Who is it?

My name is Herman. Can I come in?

No. You're a stranger.

Okay, Bobby, time to get cleaned up for dinner.

But... but...

No buts. Go on. Move along. Move...

[knocking]

[mimicking old lady] I'm a little old lady,

and I want to use your telephone. Let me in.

[in normal voice] Yeah, that's good, Bobby. Okay, open the door.

-[knocking] -Come on, open up. I'm not a stranger anymore.

For somebody who's not a stranger,

you're certainly acting mighty strange.

I was just...

Well, I was, I was telling Bobby about strangers,

and not to open the door, and I was Herman and...

[giggling]

he went off, and you came up,

and I... It's kind of funny, isn't it?

Hilarious.

Carol?

Carol... Oh, there you are.

Gorgeous.

[horn honking]

Alice, Sam's here!

We all set?

I... I think so.

Something's wrong.

No. I'm not going to let a little sniffle

of Cindy's spoil our night out.

[horn honks]

-She have any fever? -None at all.

Then everything's fine.

Does who have a fever?

Cindy. But she hasn't.

Just the sniffles.

Oh, my. I hope it doesn't turn into something worse.

I mean, you know kids and sniffles.

-[horn honking] -Have a nice time, everybody.

There's Sam tooting again.

Well, I don't know that I should go, Mrs. Brady,

with Cindy sick and all.

Alice, Cindy is not sick.

She just has the sniffles.

What do you think Greg and I are here for?

Still, I think I'd better tell Sam to forget about it.

Alice... you'll do no such thing.

Alice, Mrs. Brady and I have the utmost confidence

in the baby-sitters we have engaged for the evening.

Cindy's in excellent hands.

Well, okay. Enjoy the show.

-[honking] -Happy curtain-hanging, Alice.

-It's our turn. -Yeah.

I guess so.

Something wrong.

Well, I was just thinking about what Alice said.

Children's sniffles can lead to something worse.

Honey, Cindy has sniffled before,

and Cindy'll sniffle again, right?

We'll look in on her every five minutes if you like.

Please go.

Okay. Shall we?

Let's.

The gas. We turn the gas off?

Dad, our stove is electric.

I was testing. Just testing.

-Let's go, honey. -Oh, listen, kids, I--

We know where all the phone numbers are, Mom.

And we'll lock the door right behind you.

Have a nice time.

Good night, sweetheart.

Good night.

[knocking]

You didn't say, "Who is it?"

Only because I knew who it was.

You didn't chain the door.

Parents.

Certainly hard to bring up.

[crunching apple]

Marcia... where you going with that?

Cindy. She said her sniffles make her thirsty for milk.

Boy, oh, boy, is she sneaky.

She told me her sniffles made her hungry for chocolate cake.

Do you have to eat that in here?

What's wrong with it?

Get a napkin. I don't want apple juice

dribbling all over the furniture

for me to get blamed for.

What a grouch.

[sighs]

Peter, can't you sit up?

Sure. Why?

Very funny.

You'll put a hole in the chair

with your shoe. Do you mind?

Happy now, Mr. Dictator?

Okay, wise guy.

How'd you like to go to bed early

and miss that movie on TV tonight?

You can't make me do that.

I sure can, for not showing proper respect to your sitter.

Oh.

That's better.

[Western music playing on TV]

Jan, will you hang up the phone if you're not talking to anyone?

Just a minute, Gloria.

It so happens that I am talking to Gloria,

but I am not talking at the moment

because I am listening to her do the talking.

Go ahead, Gloria.

[sighs]

Kids.

[soft music playing]

Would you care for something from the bar?

Carol?

No, I think I'd rather have a nice wine with dinner.

Yeah, me, too. May we have the wine list, please?

Very good, sir.

Isn't this a charming place?

Yeah. Now that we've found it,

let's come here more often, hmm?

A very good idea, Mr. Brady.

[chuckles]

What'll it be?

Steaks, good burgundy or...

fish and chablis? What do you think?

I think we should have left this number

with Greg and Marcia.

Aw, honey, they know where we are.

We could go whole hog and have lobster and champagne.

What do you say?

I wish I'd had the kids

check her temperature.

You promised to stop worrying about Cindy.

Now, she's in good hands, right?

Right.

Wine list, sir.

Oh, thank you.

All right, what'll it be?

Burgundy, chablis, or champagne?

Oh, not champagne.

You know the bubbles make me sneeze.

Yeah, me, too.

And speaking of sneezing...

Honey, no more worrying, okay?

-Uh-oh. -What's wrong?

I think a snap just broke on my dress.

-Yeah? Let me see. -No, no. It's all right.

I'll just get a safety pin.

It'll be fine. Don't worry.

I'll be right back.

Ready for your wine, sir?

Uh, I think I'll wait for my wife.

[dings]

[busy signal buzzes]

And then what, Gloria?

[busy signal continues]

Anything look tempting?

Oh, Mike, their specialty tonight is abalone steak.

You know how the kids love abalone.

[chuckles]

You remember when Peter went diving for abalone?

Yes, and he cut his foot on some coral.

That's right, he did.

Remember, it wasn't much at first,

and then it turned out to be pretty nasty.

You know that happens sometimes.

Yeah, I suppose so.

That looks like Charlie Hoffman.

I haven't seen him for years.

Who's Charlie Hoffman?

He's an old friend.

Uh, he's just going out there.

Will you excuse me while I see if I can catch him?

[dings]

[busy signal buzzing]

Well, just don't leave me hanging here, Gloria!

[sighs]

Well, it wasn't Charlie Hoffman,

but the resemblance was uncanny... uncanny.

Oh, no. I think that pin's come loose.

I'll be right back.

Listen, honey, while you're gone,

I'll just get some change

for the parking lot attendant.

[dings]

The trouble with you, Gloria,

is it's impossible to believe a word you say.

[chuckles]

-Good timing, huh? -Uh-huh.

-Mike, I just called ho-- -Carol, I just called home--

You, too?

Well, Peter's foot and the abalone got to me.

Mike, I'd feel a lot better if we could run by the house

and check before going on to the show.

Why don't we skip dinner and do that?

-We can eat later. Yeah. -Mmm.

Uh, Captain.

Are you ready now, sir?

I'm afraid we've had a change in plans,

and we can't stay.

That's perfectly all right, sir.

I'll bring you your check.

Check?

But we didn't have anything.

There's the cover charge, madam.

And the state tax, of course.

But we didn't have anything to tax.

The tax is on the cover charge, sir.

You know, we really shouldn't be doing this.

Why not?

Because we said we trusted them.

The kids will never forgive us for checking on them.

Yeah. Maybe you're right.

Honey, listen, I'm sure they're okay.

Besides, they've got the chain on the door.

[sniffing] Mike... I smell smoke.

Oh, that's just the Ditmyers' barbecue.

Well, maybe so,

but couldn't we check just the same?

They're always having those barbecues.

It'll only take a minute.

[suspenseful music playing]

[crickets chirping]

[chair rattling]

Marcia, did you hear something?

Like what?

I'm not sure.

What was it?

Jan, get off the phone.

I have to make an important call.

[whispers] Are you all right?

Yes. Yes, sir, I heard it twice.

Thank you very much. Good-bye.

The police are sending a patrol car right over.

He said there's one right in the neighborhood.

You would have been quieter

breaking down the front door.

Boy, you better be sure you heard something.

[sniffing]

I think you're right.

It's the Ditmyers' barbecue.

[rustling in bushes]

[creaking]

[whispers] Wait here.

[screaming]

Mr. Brady, what are you doing here?

What are you doing here?

[man] What are you all doing here?

Well, you see, Officer,

Alice here is our housekeeper.

That's right, Sergeant.

And you were fighting over

who's going to vacuum those bushes tonight?

Oh, no. This is our house.

You see, we thought Alice was a prowler.

She was supposed to be over at Sam's

doing the curtains!

I got worried about Cindy.

The kids are sitting alone for the first time.

The line was busy.

I got to worrying about her cold.

[Carol] Right, she's got the sniffles.

[Mike] We skipped dinner,

but didn't want to miss the show.

A friend of my husband's gave him the tickets.

All we wanted to do was... check.

[Carol] It's a simple explanation.

We smelled smoke in the neighbors' yard...

[Carol] Right. The Ditmyers' over there...

So Alice was worried,

and came around back like we did.

I'm sorry I called the police, Dad.

No, Greg, you did the right thing.

Well, I just checked.

Cindy's sound asleep,

and not a sign of a sniffle.

We kept a close eye on her,

like we promised.

Oh, hey, if you hurry, you'll still have time to catch the show.

That's exactly what I was thinking.

-Shall we, honey? -Great idea.

Oh, good-bye, kids.

-[both] Good-bye. -We won't be late.

And don't worry. We have everything under control.

[Marcia] And the stove is turned off,

and we know where all the phone numbers are.

We want you to have a good time. Relax.

You forgot to... chain the door.

[theme music playing]